Chapter Text
On the fifth day back from the swamp, Hong mentions he wants to roam around town and buy surprise gifts for his siblings to Cale, who pets his head and tells him to be safe in voice so soft Hong felt himself tearing at the tone- had any adult spoke to him like this before? Back in the tribe?
He didn't want to think about it.
Hong meowed and rubbed his head against Cale's hand, purring when Cale scratched the right spots behind his ear. The elder redhead sent him off with a curfew and a bag of coins- going right back to staring at nothing in his rocking chair as soon as Hong was out the door.
Ah, Hong says surprise gifts, but really they're apology gifts. Hong spent a lot of time learning the ins and outs of his new condition that he couldn't spend as much time as he wanted to with his noona and dongsaeng- but he didn't want to apologize for it out loud.
If he did, he might just let everything spill- and he couldn't do that. He needed to keep his condition secret if he wanted to keep his usefulness in the family, the one thing that Cale asked of them.
Anyway, he only did that for their own good, never to see them suffer like the other adults, so it's fine, really.
A red kitten with a pouch in his mouth trots towards the marketplace, jumping across objects and taking more subtle alleyways.
Once he was close enough to the shops, he tossed his head and threw his pouch up, turned to his human form and checked the pouch Cale had set aside for him.
Hmm, a map, a cloak (with enchantments stitched on the side, Hong was pretty sure, but he wasn't a mage so he didn't know what they meant.), some drinks and snacks, a teleportation scroll to go home, a rain cloak, a mask, a magic disguise tool, and most importantly…
Hong's eyes shine when he sees the 3 wallets tucked to the side of his pouch.
Money!!!!
A grin stretches across Hong's face as he takes one filled silver coins, putting it in his pocket. He throws on the disguise tool and cloak, his chest purring softly against the fabric.
The process makes him feel calmer. Focusing on the things he can do, the way his hands, and ears move- the way they can bend, flick and sway and flex, the way they can touch and hold the world around him. Enjoying the way he could interact with the world instead of being trapped in his own body, barely able to breathe, his chest pounding and his lungs aching without so much as a way to move-
Ah, Hong shouldn't think about that! He was here to get gifts for his noona and dongsaeng- and maybe a nice, crisp solid box for him to lay in during his episodes.
Hong drifts through the market stalls, taking brief glances over each one of them before quickly moving on. Maybe one of those pretty hand fans for his noona and hm… he doesn't know what to get for Raon….
One stall sells flower crowns made out of cloth (too typical, Hong could make one with real flowers himself!), the other has keychains of the Henituse mountains (a bit boring), food, there's one with wood carvings (they look really ugly..), One that sells glass stuff (but what would they do with glass?), more food, more uninteresting stuff.
So far, there's nothing that catches his eye that are good enough for Ohn and Raon, and he wasn't exactly sure where to go from here since Hong never went out the markets as often as noona did, and this was the only place he knew he could buy things.
Aimlessly, he begins checking out random stalls, smiling just enough to be polite and escaping the shop's line of site as soon as they looked away- not stealing anything, unlike the last time he did this kind of stuff.
He grumbles, kicking the pebbles alongside the edge of the road, the sun now being covered by the afternoon clouds.
Hong went out early morning but now it's afternoon and he still hasn't found a single gift. Why was this so hard? He just wanted to get a gift for his siblings…
"Hey! Boy in the cloak kickin' rocks!"
Hong flinches, did he do something wrong? Though he might be mistaken- maybe it wasn't him…
"Yeah you, the one who flinched. C'mere."
Turning his head to meet the man who had called out to him, Hong notices that despite his loudish voice, his instinct wasn't ringing any alarm bells, and the man's face wasn't irritated or disgusted at all! So he walks towards the man, checking the color of his hair- light brown, okay-
Hong carefully lifts his hood, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
"Did I uh, do something sir..?" Hong says,
"Nah," the owner shakes his head, "You've just been walking back an' forth between these shops since opening times, tell me what you're lookin' for so you don't waste ya day here."
Hong's face flushes with embarrassment- he didn't even think others would be watching him pass by multiple times..
"Uhm- I'm looking for gifts for my siblings… My noona doesn't like jewelry and my dongsaeng breaks stuff easily…" Hong rambles,
"Ahhh, I got ya," the older man says, "Call my Andy, kid. Now, does that sister o' yours like learnin? Or drawing I suppose."
Hong blinks a few times, wondering why this man would ask that, "Yeah, I think she does?"
"Well then I've got the solution for ya," Andy says, reaching behind the counter, "for that lassie, there's a stationary store just three blocks left. You can take the time to buy new books, pens, inks or just anything you think might catch her eye-" he pauses, "er, as long as it fits with your budget of course."
With each word, Hong's excitement grows- he didn't think of that! Ohn would definitely want to write down things from her lessons, right? They've been spending more time in cat form since they got off the streets, so she doesn't have a notebook for her own yet- this is perfect!
"And what about for my brother, sir?" He says, eyes sparkling
Andy had to stop himself from squinting, 'so bright…'
"Well," he coughs, "how good are your hands kiddo?"
Hong sweatdrops.
3 hours and a handful (literally) of blisters, Hong had managed to carve out the shape of a mana bomb from wood- or as closest he could get to it from what he remembers anyway.
"Whittling", sir Andy called it. It was fun!
First, sir Andy told him to think of something his dongsaeng enjoyed- and well, bombs. Bombs were Raons' newest fixation recently, with Cale-nya and Raon exploding the lake and all sparking the new interest.
Then, Hong had to decide how big he wanted it to be. Since Hong was still a beginner, Andy cut out the extra parts for him and carved out the general shape. Leaving Hong with a sphere.
All that left was for Hong to carve in the details! It was annoying, having to carve out the rings by making the whole ball smaller (except for that one spot)- but it was worth it. After all, Andy said-
"If ya can't figure out what they like and don't have, you can always make something that reminds them of what they do have."
And, sure maybe that's not true for everyone, but it was true for Hong! And he and Raon weren't that different… He's pretty sure…
It wasn't only until he was about to leave that he realized that something was wrong.
"Here," Andy says, handing him long, black fingerless gloves. "They used ta be mine, back in the day. It'll be of good use in your hands- and well, cover up those marks of yours."
Hong pauses. Marks?
He looks down on his arms, his confusion morphing into horror.
Dark black cobwebbed lines greeted him- the ends looking like lighting as the marks overlapped his veins- crawling upwards into his forearms, forming patterns that weren't there this morning.
How- how did it get this bad, so fast?
He didn't have any marks this morning, not when he was putting on his clothes or even later with the cloak-
Or did he just not see it?
Panic rises through his core, his breath turning shaky and his pulse spiking.
No, no- Hong thought he was doing so well-
How long does he have until someone notices?
How long can Hong last?
"I-" Hong's voice comes out hoarse and wrong-
his back runs cold as he snapped out of his daze to shove the gloves on, blinking through his tears to hasten his movements so he can hide-
How much longer does Hong have, until he's no longer useful?
Suddenly, two hand come into his view.
Hong flinches back as they grab onto his shoulders- gripping hard enough to keep him in place but not-
Not enough to hurt.
Hong blinks confusedly, not enough to hurt? But it always hurts when they do this. What was-
Oh.
Oh right.
He met sir Andy, made his gift, was given the gloves, saw the marks-
Hong froze,
..Oh no, oh nonono-
Hong freaked out in front of him, didn't he?
Oh gosh, oh-
"I- I'm sorry!" Hong squeaks,
Sir Andy only looks at him with sorry eyes, Hong could see conflicted emotions running through them- He only hopes the older man wouldn't hit him too hard.
"…" Hong closes his eyes, bracing for it.
…Huh? Why wasn't anything happening?
He peaks an eye open, finding that sir Andy wasn't looking at him with any anger at all- instead, he sighs and lets go, holding his hand gently.
"…Let me help ya with that, kid." sir Andy says, his voice soft.
Ah
Hong's lips wobble-
This man was just like Cale.
He held his arm out, letting the human glove his hands properly. Turns out he was trying to put on the gloves on he wrong hand… Hong feels his face heat up at the realization.
He doesn't say anything, he doesn't comfort him.
Hong feels his chest grow heavy.
Sir Andy pats his hands on Hong's shoulders, looking at him with a somber expression.
"You have a good head on your shoulders kid." He says,
Hong finds that he might cry if he answers, so all he offers is a smile.
Sir Andy was like Cale.
Sir Andy was kind.
He bought a few notebooks, all of them a pastel sky blue- two of them with lines, the other two blank. He knew his noona liked to keep things simple and personal, so he dropped the idea of getting more colors.
He also got his noona a few quills and fountain pens, one with a gold nub and the other a silver- along with multicolored inks so she could mess around with them.
Functional, simple, and fancy. Hong hopes his noona uses them.
And after all that, he put down his pouches and got his gifts wrapped in boxes with red and black paper- tied with a pretty silver bow.
It as a productive day despite it's emotional curve, for all Hong as concerned about. Though it did take him until sunset to finish everything- with the wood carving and initial search eating up most of his time.
Hong hobbled back to secluded enough area to teleport back, his arm a little weak from carrying his purchases for so long. He huffs, taking a moment to rest his arms before teleporting back.
He should probably check if he has everything, shouldn't he? It's what noona used to do when they were on the run.
Okay! His map was untouched, he was wearing the magic disguise tool as well as the cloak (and after a full say with hit he still doesn't know what the enchantments did), a.. few drinks and snacks left, his teleportation scroll to go home, the rain cloak, his unused mask, and then…
Huh-
Wait.
Where did his money go?
Hong digs into his pouch moving things around to see better.
None.
He looks into the bag he was using to hold his gifts as well.
Nothing.
Hong's heart drops.
Mistake after mistake- how many more would he get away with?
He picks up his pouch and gift bag, turning to run back to the store to find his money, when a large bang interrupts his way. His ears picking up on the sound thrice as loud as a normal person would.
"Fuckin.. bastards!" A man yelled, followed by the sound of glass shattering.
Hong's feet take a step back when the drunk man starts thundering towards whatever building he got kicked out of- probably a bar- and began banging on their walls.
"You'll regret this!!" The man screamed,
Can Hong make it back to the store without being noticed by the man?
"I swear to- hic- you!! I'll break into this fucking store, grab that little brat and-"
But if he gets spotted, then-
"I'll fucking kill you! Do you hear me!!"
-Hong blinks, and finds himself in another place
"I'll fucking kill you- I'll kill you and your brat sister- just like I did your mommy-"
He can't go, not with that man around..
"I'll break down this shabby-"
The man bangs on the walls again, screaming his lungs out.
"little hut of yours, and-"
Still, the money-
"tear you, limb from limb and-"
He couldn't-
"-I'll enjoy every. single. moment."
He couldn't stay here.
He couldn't-
The man's footsteps became louder as he walked away.
But the money-
No. No he couldn't do this again he couldn't-
"..Huh? Who the fuck are y-"
He tears the teleportation scroll.
In a flash, his surroundings change, from the dark, dim alleyways of Rain city, to the warm, welcoming lights of the Henituse mansion waiting room.
Hong's still shaking, kneeling on the floor-(when did he fall?) when a blanket drapes over his back.
He flinches yet again, looking up at the figure. Ron.
The old man simply smiles, "Welcome back, little Hong," he says, "The Young Master has been waiting for you."
Huh? Cale was waiting for him? Wasn't he supposed to be dining with the rest of his family by now?
Ron's eyes crinkle further, as if reading his mind.
"Young Master Cale wanted to make sure you had someone to dine with tonight."
Oh.
He thinks back to this morning when Cale pet his head and told him to be safe in his soft, caring voice, the one who packed his money in three separate pouches just in case, the one who was stingy with money but still let him use a really expensive disguise tool and enchanted cloak for a whim.
Hong thinks of Andy, of his silent comfort, of his advice and of his steadying hands.
Hong thinks of his sister, his brave, intelligent sister. The one who saved him, raised him, kept Hong alive- the one who helped him survive back in the tribe, and up till now.
These three people were kind, so kind, that they inconvenienced or even hurt themselves in the process.
And Hong has taken advantage of all three of them.
His trembling goes down as the guilt swallows him whole.
He has… He has to make things right.
"Are you okay now, little master?" Ron says,
Hong nods, slowly wrapping the blanket over his kneeling body.
The elder butler hums, "Then, let's get you cleaned up."
Hong is sitting beside Cale, the older redhead using a gentle napkin to wipe the food off his mouth.
Cale had asked him how his day was, Hong had stumbled out a "fine!" and he left it at that.
It was all so strange, all so.. confusing. Did Cale not want to know what he was up to, now that Hong was under his supervision?
Still, the silence soon becomes unbearable- and Hong has to say it.
"I-" Hong starts, freezing when Cale stops to look in his direction.
Hong takes a deep breath, "IlostallthemoneyyougaemywhenIwaswalkingbackhome!"
There.
It was out.
Now, Hong could get his punishment and make up for it and everything would be fine.
"Hong?"
Okay, here it is!
Hong mentally braces himself for his punishment, his heart pounding out of its ribcage.
But when he looks at Cale, he looks.. Calm?
"It's okay," Cale says, "Just be more careful if you want to go out next time."
…
..???
What??
Where was the scoldings? The reprimands? Where was the punishment, the discipline?
Slowly, the words articulate in his mouth.
"But… Money is important," Hong says, "We loot it a lot,"
Cale nods, still calm- not mad despite his confession.
Hong feels a shiver crawl up his spine- was Cale just hiding his anger? He shouldn't do that- Hong could take it. It would hurt, but Hong could take it. Hong would take it if it made him more useful.
"We do"
Hong's chest is starting to ache, the next words spilling out his mouth with a warble.
"Are- are you not mad?"
Cale stares at him for a moment, his eyes unreadable.
Then, softly, "Should I be?" He says,
Hong freezes, "Well-" His voice loses itself for a moment, his heart hammering so fast- Hong was convinced it would explode in his chest and kill him immediately- before he whispers, his eyes tight.
"I… everyone else would have been…"
He looks up at Cale, only to be greeted with a bitter smile, the older man reaching to wipe a tear off his cheek- Hong didn't realize he was crying- too busy with keeping his hands still.
"I am sorry," Cale says, his voice impossibly soft. "I'm sorry that happened to you,"
Hong rushes to open his mouth- to protest, to tell Cale that no, he doesn't need to apologize for things that were Hong's fault not Cale's, when the older man held a hand up.
"I'm sorry you didn't have adults to properly respond to circumstances, I am sorry they were the kind to blame you for things that weren't you fault." Cale says, lowering his hand.
His throat felt dry, the edges of his vision blurring until he blinked it back.
What Cale said felt wrong, if Hong thought back to all those times in the past, Hong was the one who messed up, Hong was the one who made mistakes and failed to make up for them-
..wasn't he?
"But I did make mistakes! Like, like this one time I was still studying with the-" Hong's voice falters for a moment, " with the rest of the clan, I couldn't get to classes in time, so I was-"
Cale watches Hong stop talking, his body seeming to freeze, record catching the way Hong's fingers begin to shake and eyes begin to haze, the child seemingly holding back his emotions.
Silently, he's reminded of Kim Roksoo.
His uncle, Kim Seung Jong, had made him believe many things were for his own good. Had promised, one too many times, that simply taking it would make Kim Roksoo stronger for when the "real world" came knocking at his door. That it wouldn't be as kind as Seung Jong was, as generous as he made himself to be.
Cale Henituse knows now that Kim Roksoo was not made stronger. He was simply hurt.
But it took years for him to get it, years of mandated therapy and persistent companionship from Lee SooHyuk and Choi Jungsoo to even begin to try and fully internalize it.
He watches Hong's fist clench into himself, his ears drooping at the sides of his head and Cale is suddenly hit with the fact that-
He was just as old as Kim Roksoo was.
Hong was just a child.
Hong was a child who, against all odds, trusted him with his mistakes.
Strangely, it makes his chest throb.
Hong wasn't sure why he couldn't talk, why he couldn't seem to just speak and get it over with, to prove that Cale didn't need to apologize, that it was okay, really.
"..Hong," Cale says, making Hong flinch towards his gaze.
"You do not need to force yourself to say anything if you're not ready."
…Huh?
That sentence shouldn't do anything, shouldn't change anything. But the knot unwinds itself in his chest- the need to prove to Cale suddenly… Not as strong.
Still, "But, what about the times that were really my fault?" Hong says, his voice shy.
"When you did make mistakes, they were still not meant to be made into crosses for you to bear," He watches Cale say, "They were meant to be lessons for you to learn,"
Cale brushes a strand of hair across Hong's forehead, tucking it behind his ear.
"I'm sorry you were never taught properly, I'm sorry you were never shown your importance by the people who should have cared for you." He says, gently despite his cutting words, "Your emotions are not a burden, they are not something meant for you to cower away from."
"I may not always be here for you, but I can promise you that I will try my best." Cale hums, "Thank you, Hong, for coming to me today."
Hong stays frozen under Cale's hand, his mind swirling.
They sit in silence for- Hong doesn't know how long.
"Still," He whispers, "Is it.. really okay?"
"Of course it is," Cale says, "You were very brave today, thank you."
Hong's head snaps to Cale, who's mouth curved in a sad but genuine smile.
"You were very brave today, thank you."
Cale's words echo in his head like a chamber, vowels and syllables and the emotion and sincerity in it all clashing together to stab at his chest.
The dam breaks, and Hong slams himself into Cale- clutching onto the older man's shirt hard as he finally, finally let the tears flow freely. The buildup from everything that happened today finally crushing down.
He could feel Cale wrapping his arms around him as well, rubbing soft circles into his back and whispering constant reassurances that he was here, Cale as here for Hong and that it was okay for Hong to make mistakes and even thanked Hong for being brave enough to tell him.
Hong hiccuped into Cale's shoulder, sobs muffled by the expensive fabric Cale wore- and yet still, still. Cale pulled him in, still comforted him, still rubbed his back and told Hong that he mattered. He pulled Hong close and thanked him for being honest, thanked him for admitting he was scared and then Cale promised him he would try his best to protect him when he didn't need to do that.
And it only makes Hong sob harder-
Because he couldn't be honest, not enough to risk losing this.