Chapter Text
The next morning, Sophie is hunched over her computer, trying to figure out a good flight schedule for their next series of away games. It’s like playing Tetris with flight details, or like one of those game ads where she keeps seeing where you are given clues and have to match up who murdered who.
Unfortunately, Tetris and those crime puzzle games are much less pressure than the long list of demands she has written on her notepad. Okay, they aren’t really demands, but Sophie has worked with the team for two years now and has acquired a list of their preferences that she always tries to accommodate.
For example, Luca and Bergy get nauseous during take off and landing, so they do best with as few flights as possible.
However, Bood refuses to use the bathroom on the airplane (there have been many drunken conversations about where exactly the waste goes from the bathroom), so he needs short enough flights that his bladder won’t explode.
However, Shane gets stressed if they have too short layovers and Sophie has to at least give an hour and a half in between each flight so that Shane doesn’t tear his hair out in anxiety about how long it’s taking them to deboard the plane and how long of a walk it’s going to be to the next gate.
However, Hayes is incapable of sleeping on airplanes no matter how much melatonin Sophie gives him. So, he likes to get done with the travel as soon as possible so he can try and squeeze a nap in at the hotel before he has to go to practice and get ready for the upcoming game.
Then, there’s Young, who—
“Carver?” Ilya knocks on her open office door once before stepping inside.
“Yeah, what’s going on?” Sophie asks. She and Ilya have gotten closer, but he very rarely initiates conversations with her, especially at work, and while he may be a friend of hers, she knows that she is not a friend of his because he has so many that he’s closer to.
“Shane… he said that you talked to him last night” Ilya murmurs, looking like a kicked puppy while fiddling with his fingers.
“Um… yeah” Sophie whispers. “He was really upset and needed someone to vent to.”
“Would you… would you tell me what upset him?” Ilya requests, softly. “He has been giving me the… what’s the not talking thing when you’re angry at someone?”
“Silent treatment” Sophie supplies and Ilya nods, looking at her for some sort of help.
Sophie looks down at her computer but doesn’t really look at it. She just briefly considers what to do. While it was never explicitly stated, Sophie knows that Shane went to her because he trusted that it wouldn’t get back to Ilya.
But Ilya’s staring at her and Sophie hasn’t seen him look that upset since the night in her hotel room. She never told Shane, or anyone, about their own conversation either, even if maybe she should’ve. She knows Ilya is better now, even if he does have his bad brain days.
“I can’t” Sophie finally manages to get out, unable to look back at him. “It was said in confidence and I can’t… I can’t betray his trust like that. I’m really sorry.”
“He just will not talk to me… and I don’t understand” Ilya whispers and Sophie can feel her heart actively breaking. Ilya’s asshole persona to the public is such a lie compared to how he really is and it hurts more than she imagined to see him looking at her like this.
Sophie chews on her lip, finally making eye contact. “He’ll reach out, I promise. Just… It was a lot and he needs some time.”
Ilya nods, shifting from one foot to the other. “Can I have hug then?”
Sophie can’t get around her desk fast enough to hug him, and when she pulls him into one, it takes everything in him to not break down because he has to talk to Coach Wiebe very soon. He lets the hug last a little longer than he should, given that he’s now late, but he finally separates.
“Thank you, and I… understand the confidentiality” He struggles over the last word and Sophie just nods, watching him leave her office.
Ilya lights up for a moment when he sees Shane coming down the hallway, but his smile vanishes off his face when Shane does not even look at him. He hesitates, wanting to say something but Shane is already brushing past him and he’s too late.
Ilya doesn’t linger, rushing to get to Wiebe’s office because he will not cry in this random hallway while his husband is so angry at him.
Shane is just heading to Sophie’s office when he sees Ilya leave it and even though it kills him, he doesn’t spare Ilya a glance as he walks by him and into Sophie’s office. Anger at Sophie has suddenly risen in his chest because while he knows he wasn’t specific, he didn’t think Sophie would share their entire conversation only eight hours after having it.
He trusted Sophie. He thought that out of everyone on the team and everyone he could talk to last minute, Sophie was the least likely to pass it on to Ilya. But, Ilya probably only had to flash his puppy eyes and Sophie must’ve caved.
“Really? You already told him?” is the first thing Shane says as he enters Sophie’s office.
Sophie immediately tenses up and flinches back slightly at his angry tone, even though he doesn’t approach or anything. He’s not even close to getting violent, but Sophie still scoots back.
“What? No, Shane, I promise, I wouldn’t” Sophie is quick to rush out, her heart beating in her ears as she does her best to see Shane, and not one of her mom’s many shitty boyfriends who would yell and hurt and—
“Sophie?” Shane’s face falls from angry to concerned. “Are you okay?”
Sophie ignores the question, though her voice trembles a little, “I promise, I didn’t tell him. He came in and asked but I couldn’t betray your trust like that.”
“That’s why he looked so sad” Shane realizes, slumping into the couch that’s on the wall across from her desk.
Sophie calms when Shane calms, and she grabs one of the chairs across from her desk chair and scoots it to be in front of him.
“He’s sad because you’re not talking to him” Sophie murmurs, sitting down in the chair.
Shane looks up, a little bit of residual anger in his eyes. “You know why I’m not talking to him.”
“I know why you aren’t talking to Troy. I know why you are mad at Ilya for springing the double date on you. I don’t know why you aren’t talking to him, because I would bet all the money in your contract that you never told him why you have problems with Troy” Sophie responds, shaking her head.
“Shane, you’re allowed to be mad at Troy. It is truly, truly unfair, and I am mad at him for you after what you told me last night. But, Ilya doesn’t know that, he doesn’t understand, and to him, you bailed on the dinner and are now just ignoring him. He’s confused and the only thing that’s happening right now is you two scaring each other.” Sophie murmurs.
“I know Ilya Rozanov and I know that he’s terrified that you finally fell out of love with him because to his insecurities, it was a long time coming. And I know you, Shane Hollander, and I know you are terrified of telling him about your anger at Troy because you don’t want to ruin anything else in his life, since you feel like you already ruined it by ‘making’ him move to the Centaurs for you.”
Shane looks up at her. “I didn’t tell you that last night.”
“You make it pretty obvious” Sophie replies, giving him a teasing little smile that makes him brighten a little bit. “It’s all dumb. Ilya would quit hockey and move to the middle of nowhere Missouri for you and never see it as him sacrificing anything, and you spent over a decade realizing that you can never stop loving him and will do anything for him now.”
“You think?” Shane whispers.
Sophie gives him an incredulous look. “Shane, I have never been so sure of anything in my life. You two love each other and your marriage is the most beautiful thing I get to witness. But it only works if you talk.”
“And telling Ilya your feelings about Troy isn’t going to take Troy away from Ilya. You said it yourself, you don’t care if Ilya is friends with him, you just can’t interact with him outside of the rink right now and I know Ilya would give it to you in a heartbeat. All you have to do is ask.” Sophie implores.
“How?” Shane’s voice breaks and goddamnit, these two men are going to give Sophie heart pain for years if they keep making her ache like this.
“Go out to dinner, a neutral environment, and if the conversation gets too intense, you can always leave and go somewhere private, but you can use the menus and the general environment as a buffer to feel a little better about it” Sophie suggests. It’s an idea off the top of her head and while she knows most people would say to do the exact opposite, it feels like it would work for Shane and Ilya.
Shane nods. “And you’ll be there, right?”
“What?”
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How Sophie ends up in this fancy bar/restaurant situation, Sophie isn’t entirely sure. She is prepared to blame Shane Hollander’s puppy dog eyes and that she has a soft spot for hurt hockey players (she had to be, the amount of time her brother would get injured is insane). She is also prepared to blame her own people-pleasing heart who is terrible about saying no to people, even if it ends up in situations like this.
They’re settled in a booth near the back, with Shane and Ilya sitting next to each other so they don’t have to look at each other while both of them stare at Sophie across the table. This fucking sucks. She doesn’t know how she ends up in these situations but she hates them. Out of everyone who should be giving relationship advice, she should be at the very bottom of the list given she’s never been in a relationship.
Hell, she’s never even been kissed.
Still, these two emotionally repressed hockey players are sitting across from her and wanting her to fix their argument, so fix their argument she will. Even if it really just means being a facilitator in their argument.
Everyone knows that to be a facilitator you need a margarita, and maybe two shots of tequila.
“Can I get a margarita and two shots of tequila?” Sophie requests when the waiter asks for her drink.
“Do you want a water?” The waiter asks after Sophie shows him her ID.
“Please, no ice” Sophie responds and the waiter nods before turning to Shane and Ilya.
“A ginger ale” Shane answers, looking mildly concerned by Sophie’s drink order.
“A beer” Ilya says shortly and the waiter goes to ask what specific type of beer, but decides not to, and just nods before leaving.
“So…” Sophie trails off and pulls out her little note book from her purse. Yes, she brought prepared guiding questions to get them through this conversation, sue her for wanting to be prepared. “Ilya, what does Troy Barrett mean to you?”
Ilya’s eyebrows furrow. He didn’t think this conversation would be about Troy. “He is a good friend. I did not know anyone my first season in Ottawa and Troy and I bonded. He came out as gay to me and made me not alone in being different from everyone else. He was one of first to respect me for being Captain. He is very close and I trust him, like Shane trusts Hayden Pike.”
Both Shane and Sophie ignore how Ilya spits out the name of Shane’s best friend like it is a curse. Both of them know that Ilya secretly likes Hayden, or at least tolerates him, and that him “hating” Hayden Pike is just one of Ilya’s ongoing chirps, the same way he always teases Scott Hunter for being too hold.
Sophie nods, seeing how Shane does deflate a little bit, reminded of how important Troy is to Ilya. Sophie knows that it tears Shane up that he can’t just tolerate Troy.
“Okay, and to preface, this conversation is not about you giving up or compromising your relationship with Hayden in any way” Sophie reads from her little script. She’s aware that she sounds mechanical but she wants to do this correctly. “So, Shane, can you explain how Troy Barrett makes you feel?”
“Do I have to?” Shane asks quickly, close to backing out but Sophie refuses to have to repeat this catastrophe.
“I will if you don’t” Sophie says firmly and Shane gives in very quickly, because Sophie can be scary when she wants to.
“When I was on the Metros and would play against Toronto, I’d hear all the comments from Kent and his lackeys and Barrett would do it too. He’d encourage his team to target me, he would whisper homophobic slurs under his breath after shoving me against the boards. I remember all of it and it messed me up, messed me up enough that I fled from our relationship for years, because people like Kent and Barrett scared me, scared me for being gay, for being myself.” Shane starts, talking to Ilya but looking at the space beside Sophie in the booth.
“Shane, you know if he could take back every word, he would” Ilya frowns.
“I know! I know that. I know he’s better” Shane rushes out but suddenly quiets when the waiter returns with their drinks.
Shane and Ilya don’t touch their drinks, but Sophie downs both of her shots back to back, earning a concerned look from the waiter. However, she couldn’t care less because she really needs alcohol for this. The waiter looks like he’s about to ask for their food orders but seems to realize he interrupted something
Shane continues almost immediately after the waiter leaves (Sophie notes to give him a good tip). “I know that he’s not the same guy, that he was just using it as a defense mechanism to his own sexuality. But he just…. He got away with it. He moved to Ottawa and was immediately accepted, he got to come out and publicly date his boyfriend and nothing happened to him. He got to do it all on his own terms and no one cares about it.”
“But, when I came out gay to Montreal, they shunned me. I was their captain only in name and the people I once thought of as family looked at me like I was disgusting. Then, the fanmail video… and now I am called a traitor by every Montreal fan, I get hate mail and hate comments every day for being gay. I had to switch teams and even now, when we play Montreal, they target both of us and accuse me of throwing that playoff game.” Shane is working himself up and so Ilya steps in.
“You are jealous of Troy because he had no consequences for being gay?” Ilya questions, a little bit of judgment in his question because it does seem a little petty.
“I’m jealous of Troy because I never chirped at people for the rumors of them being gay, I never whispered homophobic slurs to win the puck, I never started a fight just because I could to fight my sexuality. I was perfect and all I get is hate but Troy hurt people, directly and indirectly, and I just can’t forgive him, I can’t spend time with him outside of the rink and consider him my friend.” Shane rants before his voice softens. “I have nothing against you being his friend and I’m glad you can look past it and I can’t.”
Shane finishes and looks near tears, as does Ilya. It’s quiet for a long minute and Sophie brushes her hair back. Shane told her this last night but it still feels so intense because nothing he said is wrong.
“That’s why Shane was mad at you for springing the double date on him” Sophie whispers, knowing that it’s obvious now but wanting to interrupt the uncomfortable silence.
Ilya is quiet for a moment before tilting Shane’s head to make eye contact with him. “You are right and I am sorry. I had never thought that way before. I knew what he had done in the past, but when I moved to Ottawa… I was in dark place, and Troy understood. I forgot what he had done because he had moved on. I forgot about those he had hurt. What you went through—”
“What we went through” Shane corrects.
“What we went through” Ilya nod, “was awful, and Barrett did not get that, even if he did deserve it more, even if he did terrible things and we did nothing wrong. It is not fair, and while, yes, you are right, I can look past it, I understand why you cannot, especially after Montreal’s reaction. I am so sorry you had to transfer teams and I will hurt every fucker who made you feel ashamed for who you are, even Troy.”
“That’s not what I want” Shane murmurs. “I don’t want you to push Troy away. I know he’s good for you and I’m so glad you had his support when I wasn’t here. I want you to keep that. I just… need some space around Troy. I can play with him but not befriend him, at least not yet.”
“I can give space” Ilya agrees. “I am sorry for pushing you and Troy together.”
“I get it. I get you wanting me to bond with your friends and I really wish I could with Troy—” Ilya interrupts him.
“But you do not have to, your feelings are valid, please do not dismiss them for my sake” Ilya lectures.
“I won’t, not anymore, and I’m sorry for stranding you on the date… I just couldn’t be with him” Shane responds. “Maybe, next double date could be with Bood and his wife, Cassie?”
“Yes, moya lyubov, anything you want” Ilya whispers. My love.
“And just for the record, I would endure all the homophobia in the world to be with you, playing on the same team, with the best teammates in the world” Shane says, leaning his forehead against Ilya’s.
“I know, but you should not have to” Ilya pulls Shane into a kiss which is a little watery because both men did cry a bit.
The kiss becomes longer and Sophie looks down at her menu awkwardly and the waiter chooses just the right moment to step over. Seriously, Sophie is tipping this man so good tonight.
“Would you all like to order?” The waiter asks, which forces Shane and Ilya to separate. Shane blushes and looks sheepish while Ilya looks smug, even if still watery eyed.
“Yes, but first, can I get another shot?” Sophie requests and the waiter nods, jotting it down.
“Seriously, Soph?” Shane questions, raising an eyebrow.
“What? It’s a celebratory shot! I just saved the marriage of the first husbands of hockey, let me have my tequila!”