Chapter Text
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Rocky stands just above my chest, with two legs to my left and one to my right. He gently rubs one of his claws along my forehead and one along my scalp as he clicks, getting a better look at me. I feel disgustingly vulnerable.
I know how deeply into my body he can see. He sees through my skin and into my organs without any issue. Every time I think about it, I get really anxious and worried that he thinks I'm disgusting or something.
I've always felt a little bit disgusting, before I was on the Hail Mary, before I joined the Petrova task force, before I started teaching. My brother always fit in wherever he went, he was such an outgoing kid, flinging himself into any situation with no fear of how he would get hurt. I guess that helped him in the long run.
But I've never been that easy, I've always been difficult. When we were kids, Colt practically had to drag me to come play. I was so afraid I would get hurt somehow. A bug would bite me, or I'd fall and scrape my knee.
I was always a burden, especially to my parents, who were always so upset with me. There was always something wrong. They hated it when I wanted to take piano lessons instead of football. “What are you, a girl?!” I can still hear my dad screaming into my ears at the dinner table.
In class, he would pick the pink paper because his pen felt smoother when writing on it, and the kids would point and laugh. Calling him gay or a fairy.
His brother was always quick to defend him, grabbing the next pink paper, or launching himself at the kid mid lesson and getting them both a call home. He loved his brother, but he was always jealous of his ability to act on impulse.
His lack of impulse wasn’t helping him now. Rocky was standing above him, staring, or what he assumed was staring, directly at Grace's face. Which was bright red at this point.
His hands lay flat to his sides, his palms growing sweatier against the blanket beneath him. He stares at the Rocky texture in front of him and gulps. Loudly.
Rocky shutters at the sound of Grace swallowing loudly. His whole body vibrates for a short second and Grace's face starts hurting from how flushed he is. He grossed Rocky out, he’s ruining this.
“Sorry, that was gro-” he begins to say before Rocky moves his claw from his forehead and down to his mouth.
“No apology. Human function not gross, is very gross, but not to Rocky”. He shifts his weight between the three legs holding him up. He taps his foot against the bed, to get a better look, Grace assumes.
“Sorry” Grace whispers from behind Rocky’s hand
He moves his hand away from Grace’s mouth and gently grabs at the cartilage on his ear. The sudden touch sends shivers up Grace’s spine, making his hands grasp at the blanket under him, his knuckles turning white.
“Grace heart beat very fast, loud loud loud. Grace need to relax” he chirps as he pulls slightly at Grace's ear, the gentlest pinch.
“That’s a, a little hard with you so um… on top of me” Grace mutters as he shifts his gaze away from Rocky, just past his carapace at the wall behind him.
There's a moment of silence between the two, Grace panicking, wondering why he would say that. Rocky considered what it could mean.
Rocky trills a small sound clearing the awkwardness between the two, as he steps back and lets Grace sit up.
“Rocky need to brush Grace long hair, wait” he puts up one finger, the same as he did the day they met, and scurries off of the bed and up the ladder into the lab.
Now alone, Grace pulls his knees to his chest and with a thump, lets his head fall to rest on top of his knees. He looks at the xenonite wall across the room and sighs.
“What am i doing” he mutters to himself, just quiet enough so Rocky won’t hear it from across the ship. His hands snake up and he buries his face in them.
He loves Rocky, he’s known for a long time. They've been trapped together on this tiny ship for almost 4 years, how could he not fall in love with the sweetest most compassionate asshole of an alien he’s found.
He’s known he was in love, more than just soulmates, but romantically, with Rocky for a few months now. He felt like a middle schooler with a hallway crush or something, he hated it.
He felt awful for liking Rocky, not because of Adrian and the fear of homewrecking, Rocky explained that Eridans will usually have more than one mate, him and Adrian are an anomaly.
He felt like a disgusting pervert for liking Rocky. He’s a disgusting wet blob that exists in a climate that would kill Rocky, it almost did kill him. He feels like a freak whenever he thinks about how much he loves Rocky.
He’s never had these thoughts for anyone. Even past partners, he liked them, but never felt deep in his gut that he wanted to hold them and be held by them. He never felt the urge to get as close as possible and smother them with kisses or anything like that.
He thinks about doing those things to Rocky and he gets so nauseous he could barf, and his feet tingle and his hands shake. He loves Rocky so much but he’s so afraid that he would drive Rocky away.
Being away from Rocky is his worst nightmare, he’s woken himself up with a fit too many times thinking about life without Rocky. But he doesn’t want to make Rocky uncomfortable.
Before he can fall too far into his anxieties, he hears Rocky climb back down the ladder.
“Found brush! Now can make Grace relax!” he excitedly climbs back onto the bed and fits himself behind Grace’s back.
Grace scoots forward on the bed and sits crisscross as he leans his head back, letting the long hair fall past his shoulder blades and catching on the fabric of his shirt.
Rocky gently presses the brush against the bottom of Grace's hair, the very ends, so as to not snag his hair painfully. “You did your research? Why hair care, bud?” Grace asks as he flinches at a small pull against his scalp.
“Grace express discomfort and dislike toward long hair, Rocky also like touching Grace hair”
Grace flushes at that, his hands snaking around his torso and hugging himself. The sensation brings out an emotion he forgot he had.
Rocky uses his hand to gently rub Grace's back, drawing circles above his hips. The feeling is so nice, so familiar and calming, like waves pushing onto the sand at the beach near his apartment.
Tears well up in Grace's eyes, he hunches his back and holds his stomach tighter.
“Leaky, leaky human, so pretty” Rocky says as he gently brushes a larger chunk of Grace’s hair. He pulls the brush again and snags at a large tangle. Grace jumps from the pain and ducks his head forward, ripping the brush through his hair, making him yelp even louder.
Rocky drops the brush beside him and takes his hands away from Grace in a panic. He shakes his hands in the air, not knowing what to do. As Grace hunches in on himself and cries.
“Grace! Grace! What wrong?? How to fix???” he presses himself against Grace's back, trying to comfort the unreactive Grace.
A low hum comes from Rocky's vents, anxiously he can't stop himself. The vibration sends waves of relaxation through Grace’s body. As they sit there, pressed against each other, the tears slowly stop, and the hum shifts to a gentle song.
After a moment, Grace leans back and shifts to face Rocky. He holds his hands together in his lap. Staring at the sheets in the space between the two.
“Did Rocky… Did Rocky hurt Grace?”. He tilts his carapace up towards Grace, the notes in his voice a full octave lower than his usual cadence.
“You could never hurt me, Rock,” Grace whispers, knowing that Rocky will hear him, no matter how quiet. He shifts his gaze up to look at Rocky through his hair, which has fallen in front of his face.
Rocky reaches up a claw and tucks the long strands behind Grace's ear. He leaves his hand there and caresses the cheek just below. Grace leans into the touch and closes his eyes, focusing on the soft moment.
“Grace so pretty, so pretty pretty pretty” Rocky coos as he adjusts to hold Grace's head. “Rocky want to hold Grace forever” he rumbles.
Grace hums a low tone, letting Rocky support the weight of his head and sighing as the claws trace circles into his cheeks. “I love you Rocky” he mutters under his breath, an inside thought.
Grace freezes, his eyes shoot open as his breath hitches. “I- i.. I mean… um…” he feels his heartbeat quicken in his chest. He pulls his head away from Rocky's hands and covers his mouth with his hands.
He stands up off the bed with a wobble, his legs not ready to be used. “I uh… i need to use the bathroom”
Grace hurries to the bathroom across the small room and shuts the curtain behind him faster than he ever has.
He leans on the wall next to the shower and slowly sinks to the floor. Tears fill his eyes again as his breath kicks up. His hands cupped over his nose and mouth, pressing firmly into the skin. His eyes wide with shock as tears pour down his cheeks.
His mind races, he can feel his heart in his chest, it feels like it’s going to explode out of his chest. He’s going to die in this bathroom. He can’t hear anything but his own thoughts, telling him that he’s disgusting and that Rocky will never see him the same way again.
Outside of the bathroom, Rocky taps a claw to the curtain, not opening it, to respect Grace’s privacy, but tapping. “Is Grace ok? Heartbeat very very very fast. Statement” the notes vibrato nervously with every word.
Grace wants to reply, he needs to reply, he can’t ruin this anymore than he already has. But the words get caught in his throat, stuck behind a wall of bile. If he tries to speak any harder he’s going to throw up.
The feeling just makes his head hurt more, he can’t throw up, he hates to throw up. The few times he’s done it on the Mary were some of the worst experiences he’s had since waking up on the ship.
The air passing past his teeth stings the back of his throat, the feeling of his clothing sticking to the sweat drenching his back and his hair sticking to his forehead make him want to pass out on the floor.
“I-... Rock..y” he manages to grunt out before his pre-packaged lunch comes spilling out. He jumps to the toilet as fast as he can and spews into the bowl.
“Grace!” Rocky screams, two octaves up. He pulls the curtain back and rushes to
Grace beside the toilet. He touches his claw to Grace's arm, and pulls away fast when Grace flinches at the very sudden contact.
Grace screams into the bowl in a full panic. He lifts his head back and kneels in front of the toilet and screams more. Rocky jumps at the sudden terror. He gently takes a step towards Grace’s shaking body.
“Grace, you need to be calm, be calm, take deep breath” he chimes as he slowly and gently places a hand on Grace's shoulder.
Grace flinches again at the contact, but then leans into the touch, still shaking and crying, but the screaming has stopped. Grace bends forward and crumples in on himself.
Rocky sits next to him silently, and rubs his shoulder. Grace’s breathing slows down, along with his heartbeat, Rocky's hand being a grounding presence that takes him back to the Hail Mary, back to the floor he sits on.
He takes a deep breath in and unfolds, sitting straight up on the floor. He melts down as he exhales and his shoulders slouch as his hands fall in his lap. Rocky's hand shifts down to his forearm and rests just above the claw shaped scar.
Grace sets his focus on the hand, looking over the joints that connect the fingers, and the grooves along the hard skin.
“I’m sorry”
‘Why sorry?” Rocky sings, the confusion evident as he tilts his carapace a little.
“I-... I freaked out on you, and then I freaking barfed and that’s absolutely disgusting and then I was screaming and freaking out, which I’m sure was freaking you out too, I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have said that out there an-” Rocky cuts him off, the same way he did earlier. Placing his hand ever so gently across his lips.
“Grace think too fast.” he coos as Grace looks up at the face of his carapace. “Rocky not freak out, Rocky scared for Grace”
Grace's heart sinks
There's a pause, the air is thick.
“Know what panic attack is, Grace explain before. Reaction not disgusting, reaction normal. Take deep breath, heartbeat still too fast” Rocky takes a step and stands directly in front of Grace now. He grabs graces wrists and brings his hands up to his carapace.
He gently taps his “face” against Grace’s palms and makes a small clicking sound. “Rocky has no mouth, so kiss hard, but Rocky try” he holds Grace's hands against his carapace and hums.
Graces face goes beet red as he ducks his head, looking away from Rocky. “I uh, do you know what a kiss means rock?”
“Grace think Rocky stupid, of course Rocky know what kiss means.” he pulses Grace's hands closer to his carapace and makes the click sound again.
“Rocky love Grace, love Grace very much. Love love love”. Rocky moves closer and presses his body into Grace’s and wraps two arms around his torso. Graces pulls his hand out from between them and wraps them around Rocky's body as tears pour out of his eyes again.
They stay like that for a while before Grace speaks up again.
“You're sure I'm not too gross for you. I'm wet and leaky and disgusting” he says against the top of Rocky's vents. The vibrations of his voice rumble inside Rocky’s body.
“Grace stupid. Yes Grace disgust and leaky, but Rocky like. Rocky love all parts of Grace.”
Grace presses his forehead against Rocky's vents hard, smooshing their bodies together. Rocky hums a low sound, echoing through Grace’s whole body, melting him across Rocky.
Tears spill out and puddle on top of Rocky, Grace hiccups and wraps himself around Rocky even tighter.
“Grace leak so much, dehydrate, need to drink lots of water” he scolds from underneath him.
A giggle erupts from Grace, bouncing his shoulders and back up and down, shaking Rocky's body back and forth.
“I do leak too much, you’re right bud, let's get some water”. Grace presses a kiss to the top of Rocky’s carapace and un-tangles himself from Rocky's body. He stands up with a wobble before catching himself on the wall.
They walk to the “kitchen”, or the side of the bedroom where all of the food is stored. “Water please” Grace says to Mary, and a cup of water is produced from Armando.
They walk back to the bed together and sit. Grace sips his water while Rocky gets all comfortable next to him on the bed.
“Rocky still need to finish brushing Grace’s hair.” he hums as he lays a heavy leg across Grace's lap.
“Well, lets do that then” grace says with a smile
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