Chapter Text
“I want no part in this,” Akutagawa stated.
“Come on, Akutagawa,” Atsushi said, “Dazai-san and Chuuya-san are our friends. Can you just stand by and watch as they drift further and further apart?”
“I don’t care.”
“If you help them make up, Dazai-san might be nicer to you.”
“…”
“Please?”
“… Fine.”
Attempt 1: Talk to Dazai and Chuuya to figure out the problem (Courtesy of Atsushi)
“Dazai-san,” Atsushi fidgeted nervously at the doorway to Dazai’s class, “do you have a moment?”
“Oh, Atsushi-kun!” Dazai waved from his desk. “Unfortunately, I don’t. Kunikida-kun just told me to –“
“Kenji, take the books to the teacher’s office. Dazai, get out of this place.” Kunikida met Atsushi’s eyes and nodded. Atsushi returned it with a smile.
“That’s strange,” Dazai said as he made his way to Atsushi, “Kunikida-kun never told anyone to take over anyone else’s tasks. I wonder if he’s sick.”
“Don’t worry about it. I need to talk to you about something, Dazai-san.”
Dazai raised his brows. Atsushi fidgeted some more under Dazai’s scrutiny. “Atsushi-kun,” Dazai began flatly, “if this is a confession, I’d like to say that I have no interest in you.”
The hallway, which had originally been filled with chatter, quieted down considerably. A girl passing by them stopped to stare. Atsushi’s jaw dropped. “What?!”
“Seriously, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai sighed, “You already have two girls vying for your attention, so why would you still want a man’s affection? Am I that charming to you?”
“This isn’t a confession!” Atsushi exclaimed, willing the heat on his face to go away. “I wanted to talk to you about Chuuya-san!”
Dazai stared. Atsushi mentally slapped himself, because he wasn’t supposed to say it outright like that. “This conversation is over.” Dazai turned on his heels and stalked off. The look on his face before he left prevented Atsushi from chasing after him.
Nakajima Atsushi’s attempt: Fail
Meanwhile, Akutagawa…
“Akutagawa?” Chuuya raised his brows at the underclassman. “Aren’t you supposed to be having lunch with Atsushi?”
Akutagawa entered the library warily. At the moment, Chuuya was the only one in there other than the librarian, who was typing away on her computer. Students rarely went to the library anymore because using the internet for research was much easier. The only ones who still frequented the library were the teachers and a few students including Kunikida, Akutagawa, and Chuuya.
“Why should I breathe the same air as that sorry kid?” Akutagawa said as he took the seat across from Chuuya.
Chuuya made an amused sound as he lowered the book he was reading. “But you guys were starting to get along. You should stop fighting so much.”
Akutagawa’s face turned sour. “I’d rather not.”
Chuuya hummed. Silence fell over them after that. Akutagawa frowned, his mind piecing together the words he wanted to say. Be subtle, Atsushi told him earlier, don’t let him know what you’re up to. “Chuuya-san,” Akutagawa began, “how does one deal with Dazai-san’s pranks?”
Chuuya frowned in distaste. “Why do you ask?”
“Dazai-san has been exceptionally… mischievous these days.” A pause as Akutagawa arranged his words. “One of his classmates came to me complaining that Dazai-san has been messing with him too much.”
A snort. “That guy’s always been a pain in the ass. Tell that poor classmate of his that he should hope for better luck next year so they don’t end up in the same class again.”
“Next year is still a long way to go, though. How do you usually deal with Dazai-san’s antics, Chuuya-san?”
“I don’t deal with them. I don’t need to put up with his shit.”
“But you’ve been with him for ten years.”
“Like I said, I don’t need to put up with his shit.” Chuuya scowled at Akutagawa. “What’s this about? Are you trying to make us stop fighting?”
“I didn’t even know you’re fighting,” Akutagawa lied very unconvincingly.
“Yeah, right.” Chuuya stood. “I appreciate your attention, but stay out of our business.” And then he left.
Akutagawa Ryuunosuke’s attempt: Fail
“Akutagawa, are you sure this is a good idea?”
“We won’t know if we don’t try.”
“But what if they start killing each other?”
“No, they won’t. If anything, they’d probably start making out.”
“… What kind of stuff do you use as reference?”
Attempt 2: Lock them up in a room together (Courtesy of Akutagawa)
For this plan, Dazai and Chuuya were lured into the rarely used storage room on the third floor after school. Akutagawa faked a love letter to lure Dazai to the place (Atsushi couldn’t look at Akutagawa for three hours after he read the content) while Atsushi asked for one of the teachers to send Chuuya to the storage room.
Ozaki-sensei had been a little too happy to help. Atsushi knew that she was a relative of Chuuya’s and really cares about him, but she smiled a little too excitedly when Atsushi explained his motives for the strange request, especially remembering how much she disliked Atsushi for being too close to Kyouka, her niece.
Now both of the conflicting parties were locked inside the room with Atsushi and Akutagawa standing by nervously outside. The last sound they heard was Dazai’s singing before it stopped abruptly when Atsushi shoved him into the room with Chuuya already inside. The two upperclassmen hadn’t made a single sound afterward, which worried Atsushi.
“Akutagawa, I’m worried.”
“There’s no reason to be.”
“But what if –“
The door creaked open a crack. Atsushi made a surprised sound while Akutagawa looked at the door with wide eyes. The key to the lock was currently in Akutagawa’s pocket. They’d checked beforehand that there was nothing in the room that could be used to unlock the door, forcefully or otherwise.
So how was the door opening?
The door opened further to reveal Dazai standing with a really wide smile that gave Atsushi chills. He was holding up two bent wires in his right hand. “I was wondering what sort of confession I would receive when I read this stunning letter,” he waved Akutagawa’s letter with his left hand, “so imagine my surprise when I was shoved into a room with a very detestable hat-rack instead.”
Chuuya pushed his way past Dazai and moved to stand in front of Akutagawa and Atsushi. “I thought I told you to stay out of our business,” he snapped at Akutagawa. And then, to the both of them, “Who got Ane-san into this?”
Atsushi raised his hand sheepishly. “We meant well,” he murmured.
“I appreciate your concern, but I refuse to have anything to do with that pest before he apologizes,” Chuuya said aloud.
“I’m not apologizing because I never did anything wrong,” Dazai responded, equally loud.
Chuuya turned back to glare at Dazai, who returned it with equal heat. Atsushi watched helplessly while Akutagawa frowned at them.
“What’s the problem with you two?” Akutagawa spoke unexpectedly. “You’ve stuck together for ten years, are you going to throw all ten years of friendship away for some little argument?”
All three of them turned to Akutagawa with varying levels of surprise. Dazai was the first to respond. “It’s not a little argument. It has to do with my pride.”
“Pride!” Chuuya snorted. “Yeah, right. I’m out of here.”
“Chuuya-san,” Atsushi called weakly, but Chuuya was already gone. Dazai scoffed and went in the opposite direction without a word.
For a moment, Atsushi and Akutagawa stood in silence.
“That didn’t go too well.”
“Shut up.”
Attempt 2: Fail
“Why didn’t any of you think about making them talk to each other?”
“But they refused to address each other even after we locked them up.”
“Then the two of you should also be present while they were talking.”
“…”
Attempt 3: Sit them down and make them talk to each other (Courtesy of Kunikida)
At Kunikida’s suggestion, Atsushi and Akutagawa decided to invite both Dazai and Chuuya to have lunch together. It took much persuading, because they were still upset about Atsushi and Akutagawa’s previous attempts, but pleading could get people to places so they succeeded at last.
At the moment, all four of them were sitting at their usual table at the fast-food joint. Dazai and Chuuya sat the farthest they could be from each other while still sitting on the same side of the table. They refused to sit across from each other because they would have to look at each other then.
“So, Dazai-san, Chuuya-san,” Atsushi began a tad nervously, “let’s talk about your problem.”
“That guy is the problem,” Chuuya and Dazai said at the same time. They then glared at each other for a short moment before averting their eyes again.
Atsushi decided to ignore the unimportant exchange. “So, what’s the cause for your fight?”
“Him, of course.” They spoke as one again. More glaring.
The urge to bang his head against the table hit Atsushi then, but he restrained himself. He tried to keep a smile on his face. “Now, why don’t we begin with what you guys were doing before you started fighting?”
“We were eating.” At least they didn’t glare at each other after saying this.
“Okay, you were eating.” Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard. “So what happened next?”
“And then he started messing with me,” Chuuya spat.
“I did not mess with you,” Dazai retorted.
“Oh, really? Then what would you call dumping a bowl of spinach on me?”
“I did not do that on purpose!”
“You so did!”
“Even if I did, that doesn’t justify you kicking me out of my chair!”
“Nothing I did would ever justify what you did to me next!”
“Oh, really? Why don’t we ask them? Atsushi-kun –“
Chuuya made a sound somewhere in between a screech and a squawk and slapped his hand over Dazai’s mouth. “Don’t you dare tell anyone else, you shitty fish-face! I’m going to kill you!”
“Oh my god. Chuuya-san, Dazai-san –“ Atsushi attempted to stop them from clashing, but Dazai and Chuuya had already started wrestling noisily in their seats. The other customers turned to look at their group, some curious and some annoyed. Akutagawa tried his best to look innocent and uninvolved in the ruckus while Atsushi finally succumbed to the urge to bang his head against the table.
“I can’t stand you!” Chuuya yelled after what felt like ages of wrestling. He released Dazai with a rough shove that almost knocked Dazai to the ground.
“Neither can I!” Dazai got on his feet, glaring at Chuuya. “Why am I even here? Gods!” He threw his hands in the air and stomped out of the place with several pairs of eyes following him.
Chuuya glared after Dazai’s back, turned to Atsushi and Akutagawa (Atsushi did not squeak and Akutagawa didn’t sweat), and said, “Did you see that? You expect me to make up with him? Hell no!” Then he left too.
Atsushi banged his head against the table again. Akutagawa stroked his own brow. “That didn’t go too well either.”
“I know.”
Attempt 3: Fail
Atsushi turned his face toward Akutagawa when he heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. Akutagawa was standing and checking his wristwatch. “I need to go now.” He glanced at Atsushi. “Are you still going to try putting them back together?”
Atsushi whined softly. “I don’t know. I’m running out of ideas.”
“Hmph.” Akutagawa pulled his sleeve back over his watch and turned to leave. “Good luck with that.”
“Wait, wait, I’m going too.” Atsushi hurried to his feet and trailed after Akutagawa, who frowned at him when he caught up.
“Why are you following me?”
“Because we’re going in the same general direction.”
“That doesn’t explain why we must walk together.”
“I –“ Atsushi cut himself off and grabbed Akutagawa’s arm to stop him. “Look at that.”
Akutagawa wrenched his arm out of Atsushi’s grip. “What?” he snapped, turning to where Atsushi was pointing.
And then they both stared.
Dazai was squatting some ways ahead, hands at the sides of his head, back turned to the two underclassmen. A puppy was sniffing him up, happily barking and wagging his tail. Chuuya was nowhere to be seen.
Atsushi didn’t know what to make of this scene. He turned to Akutagawa to find his dark-haired companion staring blankly ahead.
Right at that moment, Chuuya exited from a convenience store across the street drinking a bottle of water. He didn’t seem to have noticed Atsushi and Akutagawa, because his eyes immediately went to Dazai and the puppy. He first went still, as if unsure what to do. Then he sighed and crossed the street quickly.
The puppy, noticing a newcomer, turned away from Dazai and went up to Chuuya instead. Chuuya squatted down to pet it and keep it entertained. Dazai glanced over his shoulder, but immediately turned away again when he saw the dog still there.
Atsushi still didn’t know what to make of this scene. “Akutagawa, what’s happening?”
“I don’t know.”
They continued staring in an effort to make sense of what was happening. Meanwhile, Dazai continued ignoring the world and Chuuya continued petting and scratching the dog behind its ears with a small smile.
And then, from some distance away, “Karl! Karl, where are you?”
The puppy perked up and barked. From ahead of them, a messy-looking man whose hair was so long it hid most of his face appeared. When he saw the puppy, he exclaimed, “Karl! There you are!”
“Is this your dog?” Chuuya asked as the strange man jogged up to him. Dazai still remained frozen in his spot.
“Yes. Thank you for looking after him, young man.” That person bowed to Chuuya in thanks. A moment later, he was running off again with his puppy in his arms.
Strange.
Chuuya got to his feet and looked down at the still frozen Dazai. “Still scared of dogs, huh.”
Dazai looked up. “I’m not scared of dogs. I just don’t like them.”
“Really? You looked pretty scared just now.”
“I wasn’t scared, you simpleton. I simply wanted to avoid looking at the animal.” Dazai slowly got to his feet, wincing a little as he almost lost his balance.
Chuuya snorted. “Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that, emo.”
Dazai dusted himself off with slightly exaggerated flourish. “I will.”
A pause as the two of them eyed each other. “Chuuya,” Dazai said, almost too soft for Atsushi and Akutagawa to hear, “thank you.”
From where they were standing, the underclassmen couldn’t see Chuuya’s face, but they didn’t need to see it to figure out the meaning behind Dazai’s smile. “Should we get going now?”
Chuuya started walking without replying. Dazai quickly fell into step with him and they continued on their way without another word.
Atsushi watched as his two seniors disappeared around a turn. “Did they just… make up?”
“I’m pretty sure they did.” Akutagawa had a complicated look on his face, almost unsatisfied.
Atsushi dragged his hand down his face. “Nothing we did could get them to make up, and then some dog came along and they made up immediately?”
“I know,” Akutagawa hissed. “After all my efforts!”
“I –“ Atsushi let out a frustrated sound. He inhaled deeply and sighed. “Our efforts,” he corrected. “But hey, they made up. Let’s just count it as a victory.”
Akutagawa still look unsatisfied. “I’m annoyed.”
“Just let it be. Don’t you need to go somewhere?”
With Akutagawa still grumbling, they both started walking. Atsushi still didn’t know if he wanted to scream or laugh, because Dazai and Chuuya finally made up, but not through Atsushi and Akutagawa’s efforts.
Oh well. At least things were finally back to normal.