Chapter Text
They drove back to their home and reached it late into the night. Gihun's surgery was scheduled to happen in four days, and Junho would be taken care of at the hospital to prepare for the procedure and his recovery.
Gihun was glowing, despite how exhausted he was. They both got ready for bed in silence, Inho feeling as though he were fighting against demons in the shadows threatening to make his thoughts spiral into a breakdown. The procedure wasn't even dangerous, Inho had gone through it himself, but he was so terrified of the slim chance that something would go wrong. It would be in keeping with Inho's luck in life; as soon as he had something good, it would be taken away from him.
Gihun was already in bed, surprisingly reading one of Inho's books when Inho got there. Inho couldn't bare to look at him right now. His stomach was a sunken pit of dread and sadness; it had been a whirlwind of a day.
Inho put on his glasses and joined Gihun in reading, but the words blurred on the page and he couldn't concentrate on what the author was saying.
Why did Gihun have to be so good in every way? Inho felt his thoughts swallowing him after trying to push them out for too long, the darkness weighing down on them, drowning out Gihun's light next to him. He was finding it hard to breathe, hard to think, and he wished he could just—
Inho was startled by a soft peck, a brush of lips against his cheek.
"Goodnight, Inho," Gihun said casually after kissing Inho on the cheek, and he shut off his bedside lamp and tucked himself under the covers.
Inho was frozen in shock. When he finally found the will to move, he touched the spot where Gihun had kissed him. His skin still tingled with warmth there.
Had that really just happened?
Inho took in deep breaths, looking down at where Gihun lay next to him.
He hardly found a wink of sleep that night, but with that one simple kiss, Gihun had chased all of Inho's torturous dark thoughts away.
—
Inho couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. Even if it was just a kiss on the cheek, Inho was trying to decipher what it had meant. Gihun had been more touchy with him yesterday, comfortable, affectionate. It had come out of nowhere. Inho wasn't sure what to do about it, or if he should do anything about it.
They tried to have a normal day, going for walks, eating peaches from the tree, cooking food and watching a movie. But they hardly talked except for a few little exchanges here and there, as if nothing had happened. Inho was nervous to get too close to Gihun. He wanted to kiss him back, so badly, but he didn't want to ruin things. Gihun seemed so happy now.
Inho was so terrified of the impending surgery, while Gihun had become more content because of it. Of course, he had been told to quit smoking. Gihun pretended it was easy today, but Inho knew it wouldn't be so great tomorrow. Maybe Gihun would back out on the procedure. Inho wouldn't ever blame him or think less of him for it. But of course, Gihun wouldn't back down.
Somehow Inho had fallen for another impossibly stubborn person.
They got ready for bed again after spending part of the night outside admiring the clear view of the night sky, stargazing. Inho's heart began to pound while he and Gihun sat next to each other in their bed reading again tonight.
Again, Inho could hardly concentrate. Was the kiss on the cheek just a one time thing? Should Inho do it back this time? Had Inho just imagined it? Was any of this real?
And then Gihun leaned toward him, placing a hand on top of the covers over Inho's thigh, and placed a soft kiss on the corner of Inho's mouth.
Inho had barely reacted; he had motioned to kiss back automatically, but still sat there stunned, the place where Gihun had kissed him feeling damp, warm and tingly again.
"…Goodnight," Gihun said with a long sigh, pausing for a moment before turning off his lamp.
Inho traced over his lips, and he glanced over at Gihun laying his head on the pillow. Inho's heart pounded harder, his chest heaved with shallow breaths.
He wouldn't be a coward anymore.
Inho leaned over Gihun and cupped his cheek, gently turning his face toward him, and then he pressed his lips to Gihun's, his eyes fluttering closed.
Gihun gasped softly and Inho captured his lips again, caressing Gihun's cheek with his thumb and guiding the kiss. Gihun responded eagerly, pressing back, smiling against Inho's lips. They fit together perfectly, Inho suckling on Gihun's plump bottom lip while Gihun drew Inho's top lip between his, both of them sighing deeply in satisfaction.
Inho's body was on fire, heat pooling lower as he indulged and felt the wet slide of Gihun's tongue. Their kisses became more desperate, the taste and softness of Gihun's lips and tongue making Inho feel drunk and tingly everywhere, and soon he tasted his own salty tears when he hadn't even realized he started crying.
He removed his glasses and tossed them aside, holding Gihun's face with both hands while Gihun was holding his as well, now able to be even closer. Inho opened his eyes slightly to look at Gihun up close, his chest burning with heat and butterflies while they kissed deep and pressed their bodies closer, their legs intertwining as they ran their hands all over each other.
"Fucking finally," Gihun breathed out, and both of them laughed softly and continued to kiss until they had no choice but to break apart to catch their breath.
They both suddenly became very shy, pulling away and laying on their backs, breathless.
There was this feeling of 'what now?'. Inho would've kept kissing him, but then things would escalate, and Inho wouldn't even have a chance to think or process this alone.
"Come here, let's sleep," Gihun said in a hushed voice, still slightly out of breath.
Inho immediately flicked off his beside light and shuffled into Gihun's open arms. He was still crying, the tears soaking Gihun's shirt, but he was so happy he didn't even know how to handle it.
It took some time for their bodies to calm down, Inho felt it took him longer especially, the thrill of kissing Gihun like that and laying in his arms made it impossible to relax at first. But before he knew it, he was drifting off, going to sleep fully content and like he had finally triumphed through unimaginable horrors to reach this kind of hopeful end.
—
Inho woke up still buried in Gihun's arms, but he slid out of his grasp, put on his robe and went out to the backyard. There was still dew on the grass, and the sun was only just beginning to rise; its gentle rays poured pink and gold through the leaves of the peach tree.
Inho's chest ached, but it wasn't painful, more like it was bursting with happiness he still didn't know how to handle. Dried tears lay in streaks down his face, but fresh tears were already springing into his eyes.
He heard the door creak open, and slippers padding across the low deck. Gihun's body pressed against Inho's back, and he wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his chin on Inho's shoulder.
"Come back to bed," he slurred.
Inho held onto Gihun's hands, leaning back and pressing his nose into his cheek. "Sorry for leaving you, I just needed to think."
Gihun hummed against Inho's ear. "Okay. I'll give you some space."
"No, stay," Inho said, turning and taking Gihun's hands in his. He took a deep breath, and kissed both of Gihun's hands, making sure to kiss the scar on his palm.
Gihun sighed, contented, gazing at Inho with so much love that Inho didn't have to ask how Gihun felt about him anymore.
"How long have you…" Inho began to say.
"I don't really know," Gihun said, stroking over the top of Inho's hands with his thumbs. He let out a breathy laugh. "But I know how you've felt about me for a long time. I couldn't figure out why you wouldn't make a move, so I finally had to myself. Even then, you were slow."
Inho cleared his throat nervously. "That was our first kiss, right?"
"Mhm…" Gihun furrowed his brow cutely in confusion before he realized. "Ahhh, you're still wondering what happened when you blacked out during the soju date?"
Inho nodded, blinking up at Gihun.
Gihun held in a giggle, but his shoulders still shook. "You got pretty handsy, but you still didn't even try to kiss me when you were drunk. I wanted to put the thought in your head and make you think something might've happened, but you still didn't do anything about it."
They both laughed softly, but Inho's face fell with the realization.
"You mean all this time I could've being kissing you? God, I'm an idiot."
"Yeah, you are. But I know why you wanted to be careful. I've been a mess."
Inho couldn't really deny that. He let himself smile again, and gazed up at Gihun through teary eyes.
"That's okay. In every memory, in every moment I've spent with you, you've always been my…"
Gihun raised his brow, tilting his head slightly.
"My Gihun," Inho finished, lowering his gaze.
Gihun pulled him into a hug and kissed his forehead, then the crown of his head.
"My Inho," Gihun whispered. "My love."
Inho squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his throat close as he struggled not to let out a cry. Gihun's words had sounded like an answer to Inho rather than a confession, and like he understood there was no way to put their bond into words.
—
The morning of Gihun's surgery felt heavy for Inho, and he had hardly slept all night. It felt like a stone was sitting in his stomach, like his throat was constantly closing up. Yet Gihun had slept soundly; Inho was glad Gihun could still fall asleep so easily around him. He had been told to fast and not take any medications, drink any alcohol, or of course go anywhere near a cigarette.
Inho had laid on his side for hours, just watching Gihun sleep.
"Inho-ya," Gihun cooed, his voice sweet and gently scolding at the same time. "You've barely said a word all morning."
He reached over to rub Inho's knee. Inho was driving this time, and his knuckles were white on the steering wheel, the sound of the music on the radio faded into the background as his thoughts spiraled. He was driving on auto-pilot, but kept thinking he could stop the car and just start driving far away from the hospital and Seoul if he really wanted to.
"You're making me nervous," Gihun sighed.
Inho clenched his jaw, coming to a slow stop at a red light and rubbing his eyes.
"There's still time to back out. I'm sure Junho would understand," Inho rasped.
"You do know I'm going to die someday anyway, right?" Gihun said, far too lightheartedly. "This surgery isn't going to kill me. And then we'll both be down to one kidney, we'll be even."
"This isn't funny," Inho snapped.
"You're being unfair," Gihun shot back. "At least just try to be what I need right now."
"What you need is someone to stop you from endangering your health even more. My brother shouldn't be your responsibility. You care too much about everyone else but yourself, Gihun."
Gihun sunk back into his chair and rolled down his window. "I don't have the energy to argue with you over this. Aish, I need a smoke."
Now that Gihun was silent, Inho felt neglected. But he had to just sit there with all of his emotions and regret over everything he had just said, everything he had done. Gihun could still leave; he would realize being with Inho just meant suffering him and constantly being reminded of his trauma, and even if he lived a long life despite all of the future health complications, Gihun might not stay by Inho's side for all of it. Nothing was certain.
They sat in the back corner of the waiting room, Inho's knee bouncing like crazy; Gihun was struggling with withdrawals and just kept drinking bottles and bottles of water, and when there weren't many eyes on them or people around, they would lace their hands together to try and comfort the other.
Inho was squeezing Gihun's hand, his eyes closed as he tried to calm down, when a distant voice greeted them.
"You're still waiting?" Malsoon gave an exasperated sigh, clicking her tongue.
The moment Inho heard her voice he jolted and slipped his hand out of Gihun's, clearing his throat and touching the hair next to his ear instead.
"Yeah, the wait is killing me," Gihun laughed softly. "Just want to get this done, for Junho's sake."
Malsoon settled into a chair next to Inho when Gihun had to go to the bathroom for the fifth time.
"That Seong Gihun is an angel," Malsoon said, watching him weave through the waiting room. "How do you know him again?"
Inho crossed and uncrossed his legs, fiddling with his hands, racking his brain for a satisfactory answer.
"Oh, that's right. You might not remember," Malsoon said, patting his arm. "Don't worry about it."
"Seong Gihun-ssi?" A nurse called.
Inho's heart jumped, but he kept his mouth shut; maybe if they thought Gihun wasn't here, they would cancel—
"He's just coming back from the bathroom," Malsoon said, pointing to Gihun, who was waving his hand and hurrying through a group of people. Despite the fleeting disappointment, Inho's chest swelled at the sight of him. He just couldn't believe Gihun was even in his orbit; none of the surrounding, regular people even knew what kind of person was simply walking in their midst.
The waiting didn't end there; Gihun had to go through another exam, take some special fluids and medication and sit in the waiting room again. Malsoon had gone back to stay with Junho.
Then when it was actually time for Gihun to go in for surgery, everything happened very abruptly. The nurses came to get him, and Inho wasn't permitted to come to the surgery wing.
"Your guardian can visit after you've been taken to a recovery room," the nurse said, nodding at Inho but giving them both a stern look as she waited for Gihun to come along.
Inho just looked at Gihun like a lost puppy, knowing he looked as helpless and pathetic as he felt. Gihun just gave him a reassuring smile and stuck out his hand, but his bottom lip was quivering.
"I'll see you later," Gihun said.
Inho took a deep breath and took his hand, motioning to shake it for appearances' sake, but he had trouble letting go. He wished he could hug and kiss Gihun; he should've found a private place to do it before they had lost their chance.
"He'll be fine," the nurse said, still impatient but attempting to ease Inho's very clear panic.
Words were stuck in Inho's throat, and he didn't even say anything before Gihun left, his fingers brushing against his when he pulled his hand away.
—
Inho couldn't even remember the last words he had said to Iseul before her disease rapidly won the battle against her body.
The two hours he waited in silence were agonizing. He knew he could go to Junho and Malsoon, or hell, even the floor he had stayed in during his coma recovery, to try and distract himself. But Inho seemed to still enjoy making things worse for himself.
His imagination went to dark places, yet he didn't shed any tears. And his memory seemed to be tormenting him with every clear moment he remembered of Gihun from their past encounters. A second limo ride, watching him guide the other players through Red Light, Green Light, seeing the distraught look on Gihun's face with Inho voted to continue the game under the persona of 'Youngil'. Saving Gihun from failing the jegichagi game, saving Gihun from being shot by a guard, and pleading with Gihun to take the dagger and kill the other players.
Watching Gihun holding the player Junhee's baby at the edge of a tower, Inho being frozen as he faced his love about to end his life for a baby's again. The coast guard was approaching, Inho ordering the game to be stopped immediately and for Gihun and the baby to be brought to his quarters alive. What followed was still a complete blur, all he could remember was Gihun's guttural cries fading away while Inho lost consciousness.
"Hwang Inho-ssi?"
Inho blinked out of his daze and sat up. A nurse called out his name again, and Inho hurried to her, his heart pounding in his throat.
"Yes?" He croaked.
She gave him a polite smile. "Seong Gihun-ssi is in recovery now, the surgery went smoothly. He requested us to bring you to visit him, if you were still here."
Inho nearly collapsed in relief; his eyes stung, and he placed a hand over his chest, right over his scar.
The nurse brought him to a large room with several patients in beds, luckily with curtains separating them to give some privacy. Gihun was tilted to sit up, and a sleepy smile curled on his lips when he opened his eyes as Inho stepped through the curtain.
Inho slowly sank to his knees at Gihun's bedside and carefully took his hand, the one that wasn't hooked up to an IV. The sight of Gihun in a hospital bed itself was overwhelming for many different reasons.
"See? I won't die so easily," Gihun said hoarsely.
Inho broke down finally, all of the emotions rushing forward and spilling out; he clenched his teeth and sobbed, tears soaking Gihun's hand and the bedsheets.
"Yahhh," Gihun breathed. "You're such a baby."
Inho's cries turned to laughter; he sniffled hard and wiped his tears, collecting himself and sitting in the chair, shifting it as close to the bed as possible.
"How are you feeling?" Inho asked in a thin voice once he finally collected himself. "Do you need anything?"
Gihun lazily shook his head. "Just you."
Inho touched his burning ear, his stomach fluttering. He checked over his shoulder and kept his voice low.
"Can I kiss you?"
Gihun gave him a lopsided grin, and a breathy, "Yeah."
Inho gently placed his hand on Gihun's shoulder and leaned in, Gihun closing his eyes just before their lips met, while Inho kept his open. He placed two quiet, chaste kisses on both of Gihun's lips and settled back into the chair, sighing as the tightness in his chest relaxed finally. Although the tightness was replaced with a warm fluttery feeling.
His eyes trailed lower; Gihun was wearing a buttoned up hospital gown.
"I'm feeling great with all the drugs pumping into me, just a bit dizzy and sleepy," Gihun said, trying to hold back a laugh. He cocked his head slightly. "Wanna see the scar?"
Inho swallowed dryly, nodding. He checked for Gihun's permission before drawing the sheet down to his hips and unbuttoning his gown.
"Oh, they bandaged it," Gihun said. "Sorry."
Inho drew back and unbuttoned his own shirt, once again anxiously checking behind him as if he would be able to tell if someone was about to burst through the curtains. He opened the fabric enough and tried to suck in his gut a little as he gave Gihun a good view of his old scar from kidney removal.
"It'll look like this eventually. Since you'll live for a long time," Inho said, a bit sternly.
He checked Gihun's face, and immediately felt his entire face burn at Gihun's heavy-lidded gaze as he feasted on Inho's entire torso.
"I want to kiss you there, too," Gihun slurred, focused on the scar closest to his groin.
Inho shifted in his seat and covered himself back up, giving Gihun a small, teasing grin as he did up the buttons. "I hope that's not just the drugs talking."
"Maybe. Maybe not. We'll have to see when we get back home."
They continued to giggle and speak in hushed voices until Gihun fell asleep to the low sound of Inho's voice.
The thought of the future, of more firsts with Gihun, of simply doing more mundane things and just existing with Gihun gave Inho more excitement and reason to live than anything in his memory.
—
Junho's kidney transplant was swift and without complications, and within a few days both him and Gihun were discharged. Inho was grateful he didn't have to be back at that hospital for a long time, but he was glad not to have a crippling fear of them anymore. He and Gihun would take care of their health to live alongside each other for as long as they could.
They continued to enjoy solitude, but Junho came to visit and sample the peaches before the end of the summer. It would take some time until Gihun was ready to see Gayeong again, but him and Inho agreed to invite her to stay with them in Korea someday, even if that day never really came.
Sometimes Inho would wake up from a deep sleep and see sunlight, and the fear that everything had been another coma dream would take hold until he saw the sun and goodness in human form laying next to him.
His love, his savior. His hope.
His Gihun.
The End.