Chapter Text
The attack on the Augria Sand Dunes started the next day, but it was painfully obvious that getting through Sand Time would be a series of difficult situations.
The conditions to get to the Watchtower was shared with the rest of the group to mixed results.
In other words, to travel now would be a waste of energy.
However, there were choices to be made—
‘Anastasia’ laid her head on her arm: “Even if the correct Sand Time comes, whether or not we’ll make it depends on luck ‘nd determination.”
“When ya think ‘bout it that way, stayin’still seems like the smartest option.”
Meili stuck her tongue out: “Hmm, but if we alwaaaays~ stay in one area the Mabeast will memorize our smells! I’ll be fine, but if you ever get separated from me—“
She slid a finger across her throat.
Those were the opinions of the two people most qualified to speak about survival in the dunes.
“Anastasia’s” opinion was somewhat useless, clinging onto the notion that the dangers of the dunes would always remain on the party’s side, while Meili’s view included the fact their lives were in the line.
Regardless, the other half of the group did not trust her opinion seeing as she was a former assassin.
(Which was Ram, Julius, and ‘Anastasia’)
But, eventually they left the choice to Subaru—
Ram: “Barusu may be a degenerate and a pervert—“
Subaru swatted at her: “Excuse me—?!”
She pushed him away: “But— he can be obnoxiously reliable when the time comes for it.”
Emilia nodded: “Maybe letting Subaru-Chan decide is the best choice… he’s gained my trust,” She smiles fondly: “After all, he always breaks through the toughest situations, so I know he’ll make the right decision.”
As everyone hummed an “I agree” or some other form of saying “yes,” Subaru could only sit there and wonder just who they were talking about.
All of his supposed “good timing” originated from Return by Death.
If not for the curse Satella placed on him, he would have died not even a day of being summoned into this world, just a nobody who had no ID or verification on anywhere except from the floor he stained with his innards.
Subaru grumbled: “There’s so many better people in this group to decide… Why not ask Mr. Perfect do the job—“
He motioned to Julius, to which the purple haired knight frowned.
Ram narrowed her eyes: “But Ram chose you. And according to you so did Rem at one point in time.”
”If you plan to disgrace your abilities when she worked so hard to morph you into a decent person, it would be better to leave you in the Dunes and allow some random Witchbeast to finish the job.”
Her tone may have sounded harsh, but the meaning behind her words were just anything but.
She truly believed in Subaru to make the right decision, whether or not it benefited the group in the short run.
Beatrice nodded: “While Betty doesn't agree with this stupid girl’s phrasing, Betty does believe that you will somehow do something stupidly enough for it to work out just finely.”
Subaru turned bright red: “U-Uh.. T-that’s—“
He couldn’t stop stammering, the boy couldn’t take a compliment for the life of him.
Julius smirked: “Subaru you seem a bit red, are you alright?”
He put a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter as Subaru turned even redder (this time in rage.)
‘Anastasia’ gave a strained smile: “Natsuki-kun, this gal’ll trust ya to make the right decision. But if you fail to send us there without fail, Mabeast won’t be the only thing you will have to be concerned about.”
The ‘merchant’ leaned over the carriage railing while smiling. The last part of her sentence was but a whisper, but it was engraved into Subaru’s mind as not a threat, but a promise.
Subaru bit his lip as the spirit sat back down.
He knew the choice he would make was too important for some comedic relief, so he couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous:
“I think… we should continue on, those Witchbeast are no joke.”
However the true reason he made that choice was—
‘“It’s easy to give up but… giving up doesn’t suit you!” The blue haired oni gave a bright smile, subtle tears streamed down her face.
“Let’s start over, from square one—“
“No from Zero!”’
Subaru clenched his chest: “That’s what Rem would do… Right Emilia-tan?”
Emilia blinked, a tad bit confused at him bringing up the topic of the forgotten girl: “—? Y-yeah, right!”
Subaru smiled and leaned over into the carriage to ruffle her hair: “Emilia-tan, don’t take this too seriously, now is the time to say something cool and act stupid to save face!” He gave the girl a thumbs up before settling back down on Patarasche.
The ground dragon grumbled before moving her head to be under the boy's palm.
Subaru blinked before smiling: “Awww you want head pats too!!”
Patarasche grunted as if pleased before continuing her pace.
Emilia pumped her fists: “So wise for such a young human… Oh-key! I feel motivated now!”
Subaru deflated: “I’m not a kid…”
He grinned then, his pride may have been wounded, but his motivation did not diminish. (Even after hearing all that travel had been for naught.)
Subaru tried to convince himself they were well off seeing they had more than enough of the basic necessities (food, water, etc), and the Miasma’s effect was being regulated by Emilia and Beatrice.
(As long as he stayed close he would be fine.)
Subaru rubbed the back of his head: “To be honest, I’m getting a bit stressed from not knowing how long we will have to work at this…”
Meili: “It’s a part of the experience, Baaaaru-Chaaann~!”
She stretched out her syllables while kicking her legs, sometimes Subaru couldn’t help but forget Meili was still his age despite all of her crimes.
Beatrice looked up, cutting into the boy’s inner thoughts: “Subaru, spit the sand out of your mouth, don’t swallow it in fact! Even if it’s not a lot, the Miasma mixed with the sand can slowly eat away at your mind.”
She rummaged around in the boys pocket until she found his water bottle: “Here, I’ll rinse your mouth out, you may not be able to bathe, but you can still keep the sand from getting inside your body, in fact!”
Subaru frowned: “Come to think about it, your perfectly clean without taking a bath…”
Beatrice smiled smugly: “Betty is made of mana, so Betty is always clean! Betty being pretty anywhere is a given, in fact!”
Subaru patted her head: “Yeah, yeah, so cute.”
Beatrice frowned at his bland response, but he gave her head-pats so all was forgiven.
Julius, who was driving the carriage, gave a small smile: “You and Beatrice-sama seem quite close.”
Subaru gave a cheeky grin: “Why of course we are! Beako is my precious daughter!”
He crossed his arms and nodded twice: “Yes indeed! Me and Beako are so close!!” He took the spirit into a tight hug making the girl throw a tantrum (but deep down she enjoyed the touch.)
Beatrice huffed: “Subaru you dare even agree to that idea, I wonder?!” She poked at the boy’s cheek: “Betty is sure that you’re the child… You cry every night after a nightmare and wake me up with snot and tears rolling down your face saying, ‘Beako, Beako, I’m so scared! Hold me!!’”
Subaru turned bright red and covered her mouth: “S-Shush! That’s private! A-and I don’t say it like that!”
Beatrice raises an eyebrow: “Is lying to yourself also a trait from your homeland, I wonder?”
Julius stifled a laugh: “You two seem close,”
His gaze turns vacant: “Reminds me of me and my quasi-spirits before my name was eaten by gluttony…”
The last part of his sentence was whispered but Subaru got the gist of it:
“Oi, get your head out of your ass, if you think your spirits are with you simply because your contract is still intact, you have to be a dumbass! Obviously they are here because you are worthy or some other chivalrous reason. Otherwise, they would have broken your contract a long time ago!”
Subaru chided the knight: “And, did I mention how much of a dumbass you are——?“
Emilia opened the carriage window: “Subaru! Language!”
He gawked: “Wha—?! You never used to get on my case like this before?! What are you my mom…?”
Emilia pouted: “Hm, what’s so wrong with that?!” She smiled fondly: “I think it would be quite nice!”
Subaru sweat dropped: “Yeah.. no offense Emilia, but I would rather be friend-zoned forever than for you to consider me a son…”
Beatrice: “It’s a bit too late for that…
Emilia: “‘fray-nd-zohn?’”
Beatrice shook her head: “Worrying about it will only make your head hurt, in fact. The real question is where Subaru learnt such phrases…”
Subaru beamed: “I learned these from my hometown!”
He shakes a knowing finger at the loli: “I come from far, far away. Eastwards!”
Julius raised an eyebrow, clearly Subaru’s short speech gave him a little of his previous energy back: “The Great Waterfall is the only place in that direction—“
Emilia clapped, her face filled with joy: “You say that every time, but it never ceases to amaze me!”
Subaru chuckled: “Who even says ‘Ceases to amaze me!’ Anymore?” He laughed at his own joke before immediately shutting up seeing how everyone else was silent.
Julius shot him a sympathetic look: “It’s alright Subaru, part of being young is saying things that don’t quite fit the atmosphere, enjoy your youth while it lasts.”
Subaru twitched in anger, the only thing stopping him from jumping on the man was the fact he would have to jump off of Patarasche and into the carriage without falling over and possibly inhaling large amounts of Misama.
He crossed his arms: “I-I’m not the one who got all sentimental over seeing me and Beatrice bonding!”
Subaru looked up, suddenly in deep thought: “If I count the year I’ve been in this world as a part of my childhood, that’ll be one depressing story.”
He whispered to himself: “Eh, not like I can tell anyone about it anyway.”
Julius side eyed him: “Low blow coming from the man knows first hand how it feels to have someone forget someone close to you.”
Subaru smiled again, but this time it was forced: “Juli-kun~ if you don’t want me to tell Meili to leech some Witchbeast on you, I would behave!”
The two glared at each other so hard, you could see sparks flying.
Meili peeked out the window, pushing Emilia aside: “Did I hear my name~?”
Subaru smiles: “Julius here was wondering how it felt to be eaten alive!”
Julius furrowed his eyebrows shook his head: “I really wasn’t—“
Meili made an O shape with her mouth: “Purple haired onii-chan, you want to try it out with Mr. and Ms. Sandworm?”
Julius sweats: “I’m good…”
Meili snapped her fingers and two long worms came out of the ground.
The floor beneath them shook, bringing yelps from everyone who was not listening into the conversation enough to prepare.
The first Sandworm opened its mouth to showcase its thousands of teeth, before zooming towards the ‘Finest of Knights’.
While the other dug under the carriage, a bulge now underneath them.
Julius clenched his teeth: “I didn’t ask for this…”
He grabbed the hilt of his sword, and brought out his blade.
Suddenly Meili snapped her fingers again: "At least that’s what I would normally say, but I’m not on this trip to kill you onii-chan~!”
She stuck her tongue out in a playful manner as the worms went back underneath the surface as quickly as it came, leaving nothing but a series of cracks in the ground behind.
Subaru turned pale: “M-Meili, I wasn’t serious… Please don’t kill anyone on this trip… I don’t want anyone else to know the pain of getting eaten, even if it’s only partially…”
He looked at the small crack on the carriage seat that could have been the Royal Knight (or the Sandworm depending on how the fight turned out.)
Meili winked: “No promises hehe!”
‘Anastasia’ pulled Meili into the carriage saying something along the lines of: “Emilia-san! Come control this child please…”
Emilia: “Meili-Chan, remember the deal of you coming on this trip? ‘No killing people!’”
Meili groaned: “I didn’t even kill him, Onee-Chan! No need to get your panties in a twist—!“
Julius closed the window.
Subaru tapped his fingers together: “So Julius—“
Julius spat: “Shut up!”
Beatrice narrowed her eyes: “No one tells Betty’s contractor to shut up but me, in fact! It would do you well to remember that you foolish boy.”
Julius’ eye twitched, but he bowed his head: “Of course Beatrice-sama. My deepest apologies”
Subaru on the other hand looked mortified: “B-Beako how did you do that?! Getting Julius to apologize to me…”
Julius: “I apologized to the Great Spirit—“
Beatrice smiled in triumph : “Because Betty is so amazing! To think any less of her would be simply idiotic, I suppose.”
She chided Subaru, establishing the gap between her greatness with mere mortals.
Subaru gushed: “You’re so right Beako! Forgive my foolishness and allow me to bestow you the great offer I, a mere mortal can!”
He began to comb through her hair, deciding to spend his time giving her a new hairstyle.
The only sound that came from the group was Subaru humming as he braided the loli’s hair.
Subaru beamed: “Voila!”
He handed her a glass cup to look at herself.
She still had her hair in two ponytails, but two braids traveled down the back of her head.
Subaru gasped and reached into his bag: “There you go!”
Beatrice looked back in the glass and saw a daffodil braided into her hair.
Her eyes widened: “T-this hairstyle will have to do, I suppose!”
She remembered to put on her tsundere act and turned her head away.
Subaru smiled: “Aww how cute—!”
Suddenly a howl cut through his words.
Subaru squinted peering through the sand to get a better look at where the sound came from: “Oi, Ram! Doesn’t that Mabeast give you memories?!” He pointed at a pack of Wolgrams in the distance.
Ram opened the carriage window peering at where the boy was pointing: “It’s really uncomfortable when you speak about such things like Ram remembers it exactly like so.”
The oni was secretly a bit envious of Subaru seeing as he remembered Rem while she only knew they were related from their connection.
Ram: “These animals are nothing but painful memories to Ram, and they should be to you as well.”
The pack of demon dogs that were watching them were from the same species as the ones who had previously attacked Roswaal's old residence.
Subaru pouted: “Don’t say that Nee-sama! If I were to say how important they are to me, they would be in the top 20!”
He thought back to when Rem tortured him in the forest: "Without them, who knows what forest I would have ended up half-dead in…” He shuddered.
Ram glared at him before shutting the window again, signaling their conversation had come to an end.
Unfortunately, it could not be helped, the incident that Subaru and Ram remembered were so different, nothing good would ever come from trying to bond over it.
After all, Ram simply remembered the incident being solved with help from the small boy, while Subaru remembered going there to “Save Rem from saving him” as he put it.
Subaru initially believed that if Rem’s Name was returned, the previous memories would click as it was before, meshing together naturally, but as time passed, his certainty in that fact faded.
Beatrice looked up again: “Subaru, you can’t keep playing around forever, I suppose.”
She looked towards the building sand coming towards them: “Sand Time is about to start.”
Sand swirled around in the air, slamming against a clear surface of ice stretched in front of the group.
Subaru winced as a piece of rubble nicked the skin next to his left eye: “Whoa~♪ Sand Time is dangerous, the beasts around us so ravenous, so dangrous~ awaiting their chance to eat.”
“Yet I doubt we’ll be much of a feast—“
The boy stopped his singing “This wind is seriously ridiculous…”
Emilia opened the carriage window slightly: “I tried to make the ice as see through as possible, I could make it thicker, buuuuttt we wouldn’t be able to see what’s in front of us!”
Subaru grumbled: “We can barely see through the ice now it’s all that sand sticking to it!”
Emilia yelled over the howling wind: “Ah that true… But the view would be even less so than now!”
The boy gave a smile, however you couldn’t see the kind gesture because of the black bandanna that covered his mouth: “Ah— It’s fine Emilia-tan!”
He looked back ahead of him: “But this situation really sucks, our Ice Theory is practically useless in this weather…”
Subaru had thought if Emilia stretched a wall of ice in front of them, the rubble and sand that was picked up in the storm wouldn’t hit the group as harshly, but that idea was worth null against the pressure of the debris in the air.
( Silly Subaru… how could he ever forget that nothing goes right for him? After all, whether it’s God, Buddha, Allah, Od Luguna… no divine god actually likes him.)
Subaru laughed: "Maybe it's a sign that I attract all the devils of this world…”
He thought of Ram and Rem who were literal oni’s, Satella/The Witch Of Envy was the devil in this world, and even his precious Emilia looks like the Witch Of Envy.
(Not to mention Julius who was as harsh as the devil, and Anastasia who had a contract with Echidna… he wasn’t sure on whether to believe the spirit or not on if she was the Witch of Greed.)
Emilia tilted her head: “Subaru-chan did you say something?! I can’t hear you at all!”
Subaru panicked internally: “T-The wind is too strong, and what we’re doing right now is beyond suicidal!” He had simply yelled the first thing that came to mind, since he wasn’t sure if Emilia would appreciate what he was previously thinking about.
Emilia paled: “W-What?! You want to die?! No you can’t! You’re too young, don’t lose hope!”
Subaru laughed before yelping: “Guwaaaaahhh—! Sand just went into my eyeeee!!”
Beatrice who was listening to his previous monologue huffed: “Serves you right— what do you say again, I wonder? ‘Krama is a bitc—‘“
Subaru violently covered her mouth making the loll squirm: “No Beako! Don’t say that! Who knows what Emilia would say if she heard that…”
Emilia heard her name so she yelled again: “Subaru-chan did you say something? Subaru! Subaru—!”
Subaru: “It was N-Nothing—Guwaaaahhh!” The great spirit bit down on the hand that was holding her mouth shut.
Emilia: “S-Subaru are you alright—-?!”
The Sand Wind hacked at anyone outside of the safety of the carriage, with the intensity of the wind speed, you would be surprised to find out that just thirty minutes ago, that same wind was still.
Although Subaru and everyone else’s reactions seemed like something you may see in a comedy act, their reactions were genuine.
While having the thin plate of ice helped, it did not completely serve its purpose and protected them very little.
They would have better protection from the sand by wrapping themselves in a large bundle of cloth and hopping their way to the Pleiades Watchtower.
However they still pushed through—
Subaru: “Keep going! You got this Gian, we can only rely on you pushing through!”
He gave the other ground dragon a pep talk, truly believing that if he cheered loud enough Gian would magically break through Sand Time.
The yellow land dragon grunted happily and charged forward with more effort.
Subaru grinned, he had spent a few days with the dragon and, and the bond between them expressed as much: “Atta boy! We’re relying on you, so do your best!”
Julius piped up: “ Doing nothing but relying on brute force isn’t my style, but all we can do is rely on you now…”
The ‘Finest Of Knights patted the land dragon on its head before brushing his purple bangs out of his face.
Emilia and the others could not fully open even the smallest window without being pelted with sand, so they resigned to keeping just one window cracked open so they could still communicate with Subaru, Beatrice, Meili, and Julius.
To counterattack the sand, Emilia was asked to give the dragon carriage a sheet of ice and attach to the front end and rear end of the carriage, but even with the protective board of ice, the carriage could still not handle the fierce onslaught of the wind.
Subaru bit his lip: “Guys! Let’s pull over! We aren’t getting anywhere!”
Meili pouted: “Already? Baru-chan I didn’t take you for the cowardly-type to be honest!”
Subaru rolled his eyes: “I have a plan, Meili, no need to have such little faith.”
The girl narrowed her eyes, but then simply gave an: “Alrighttttt~! But you really are ————” The last part of her sentence was cut off from the howl of the sandstorm.
Subaru let Beatrice go onto the carriage first: “What was Meili?”
Meili: “Baaaruuu-Chan~! Did you forget? ————————“
Subaru turned around to find an empty desert: “Meili?”
A voice that sounded similarly like Julius’ echoed in his mind: "Subaru, why are ——————-?“
Subaru turned around and—-
A weight pressed against his back.
He saw a flash of purple before Patrasche lurched beneath him.
A voice rang out: “Subaru—!”
The sentence was cut off as a wave of debris covered the boy: “Gah—!”
Subaru slipped from the saddle and hit the ground face-first.
Sand filled his mouth: “Hk—!”
He sat up coughing, sticking out his tongue as grains of sand clung to it: “Eugh…”
Without thinking, he swallowed the rest.
He froze.
‘“Subaru, spit the sand out of your mouth, don't swallow it in fact! Even if it's only a little, the Miasma mixed with the sand can slowly eat away at your mind.”’
Subaru's eye twitched: “...Did I just raise a death flag?”
Patrasche nudged the side of his face before looking up.
Subaru patted her: “Yeah, yeah, I'm fine—”
The ground dragon growled and used her snout to push the boy up, making him look into the empty desert.
Subaru laughed: “Patarasche what’s wrong—-?”
He blinked and followed her gaze, and his smile fell: “Empty desert——?! Where are the others?!”
Patarasche shook her head: ‘Not here..:’
She bit Subaru by his cloak and placed him back on the saddle.
The land dragon grunted and continued her previous pace as if to say: ‘Staying still wouldn’t do any good.’
Subaru blinked before smiling: “You’re right to just sit in wait in this storm would be suicide, Let’s go find the others!” He pointed onwards as if he was a captain to a pirate ship.
The ride went in silence allowing Subaru to think back to what happened: “A flash of purple…” He whispered the phrase over and over again before gasping: “It was thin, maybe it was hair?”
Purple hair…
Anastasia and Julius (and maybe Meili, depending on the lighting).
Those three were the only ones with purple hair that could have pushed him—
Subaru shook his head: “There’s no reason to think I was pushed, maybe I just fell—“ He grasped at his hair: “No— I definitely felt something."
A flash of purple crossed his mind again.
Subaru looked up at the sand covered sky: "...But why would anyone push me?"
‘None of them had a reason.’
He puffed out his cheeks: “I need to think, being dehydrated is making my thoughts muddled.”
He reached for his water bottle in his pocket only to find it empty.
Subaru looked behind him to find a trail of water soaked into the sand: “Fuck…”
He cursed himself for being so careless.
Now finding the others was as urgent as ever, being outside with no water, no food, and it being Sand Time was no good.
In fact, he couldn’t even see the tower.
Subaru blinked: “How did I lose something that huge…”
‘Anastasia’: “This sandy plain between the Dunes and the Watchtower, the space’s prolly distorted.”’
Subaru grimaced: “If the space is “distorted,” and the true sand only appears during Sand Time… is it possible I got kicked this far away from the tower—?”
Subaru shook his head: “No— the problem isn’t how I got sent here,” He clenched his fist: “It’s how I’m supposed to find the others.”
Patasche looked back at him and snorted: ‘Don’t be so pessimistic, there’s still a chance they also got separated from the Watchtower's view.’
Subaru blinked: “You know, maybe we could just fire Otto, clearly I can understand land dragon speech well enough to the point his assistance is no longer necessary…”
Patarasche blinked at him and tilted her head: ‘What about all of your knightly paperwork?’
Subaru nodded: “Ah, that’s true… Maybe we need him after all—WAIT, aren’t we a bit off topic?!”
He covers his mouth with hand: “We need to figure out where the others are!
The female land dragon snorted before lowering her head to cut through the air resistance so she could move faster.
Subaru grinned: “Atta girl! We’ll catch up with the others in no time now!”
Patarasche snorted: ‘One could only hope..:’
Subaru pouted: “Look who’s being pessimistic now!” The boy squinted through the sand: “I’m not planning on this being a failed loop, so we better push through this weather!”
Patarasche titled her head, but her eyes became lit with a sudden passion. She obviously didn’t get the meaning behind the boys' words, but she knew they were supposed to mean in some form of: “We got this!”
Subaru stuck out his tongue, panting like a dog would. While this method of cooling down was inefficient due to him not having the anatomy of a dog, the action in itself made him feel just a bit better.
He grimaced: “So much for ‘pushing through this weather’…” He knew it would do no good, but he couldn’t help but grumble, if the boy were to turn around he would still be able to see where their tracks started from a few minutes—— no hours(?) ago.
He decided not dwell on the fact he couldn’t tell the passage of time since the sun decided to stay ever so still in the sky above.
Subaru pouted about to say something negative when the land dragon lurched to a stop.
He flew over the ground dragon, landing in the sand with a thud.
Subaru twitched, sand was now completely glued to his hair: “Patarasche! It’s not very lady like to suddenly stop like that—“ Subaru stopped his chiding when he saw something glinting in the sand.
Patarasche dug her snout in the ground, licking at the shiny object.
Subaru blinked: “Patarasche?”
He tried to get up and immediately regretted it.
The wind slammed onto him hard enough to make him stumble, and rocks pelted at him in every direction. (He didn’t feel much other than sand when he was under the wind current.)
Subaru squinted through the sandstorm: "Seriously, how are you walking around in this stuff...?" He chuckled dryly.
Patarasche ignored him.
Subaru crouched down: “Rude, don’t you know it’s rude to ignore someone who’s talking to you—?“ His eyes widened.
A singular shard of ice, it was tiny, barely bigger than his thumb. But it was ice, and the only person ice could come from in this freakishly hot desert is—
Subaru sucked in a breath: “Emilia?!”
He grabbed the shard, giving his companion a dirty look for almost drinking their only clue to finding the group.
The shard melted against the heat of his fingers, he smiled softly: “C’mon Patarasche, if this is here, we don't have that much further to go.”
The girl stuck her tongue out, clearly over heated, Subaru grimaced: “I know, I know. I’m tired too…”
He wanted to be back with the camp as soon as possible but… overworking Patarasche would do nothing but give her heat-stroke.
He searched his mind for an answer—
Meili stuck her tongue out: “Hmm, but if we alwaaaays~ stay in one area the Mabeast will memorize our smells! I’ll be fine, but if you ever get separated from me—“
She slid a finger across her throat.
‘Darn it Meili, now I’m conflicted on whether to stay put or not…’
Subaru dug his teeth into his bottom lip, because his mind just had to bring up a point that would contradict what he wanted to do.
He gasped, suddenly struck with an idea: “Here, a compromise…” Subaru took off Patarasche's unneeded equipment, leaving it on the ground.
He flustered: “I-it kinda feels weird seeing a girl so exposed…”
Patarasche snorted before picking him up with her snout and throwing him on her back.
Subaru yelped as Patarache ran through the desert, faster than she was when the two of them were still with the group.
Still, Subaru was happy they were making progress: “Well let’s go then!” He tried to point forwards, but he almost fell, so he resigned to simply holding onto the land dragons neck.
A couple of minutes? Hours? Days? Subaru wasn’t sure how much time had passed anymore.
He wanted to cry, but there wasn’t enough water in his body to do so. So he laid on Patarasche’s back, he was too tired to sit, and he had run out of jokes to tell long ago.
He didn’t want to admit it, but he wanted to die.
He would never, never, admit it aloud.
But for once his suicidal thoughts did not come from nightmares, painful deaths, or Beatrice catching him harming himself.
No, he wanted to restart.
And he hated himself for it. He tried to pretend it was the heat coming to him that made him think these thoughts, and if he truly wanted to die, he would have bitten off his tongue long ago.
But no matter how hard he pushed the thoughts down, all he could think of was feeling the cold numbing sensation of bleeding out.
And he absolutely loathed the thought
He waited for a distraction, perhaps some Mabeast coming to finish the job—
No.
He needs to calm down. He breathed in…..
And breathed out.
He was calm. He did not want to die. After all:
‘“It’s easy to give up but… giving up doesn’t suit you!” The blue haired oni gave a bright smile, subtle tears streamed down her face.
“Let’s start over, from square one—“
“No from Zero!”’
He bit the inside of his cheek and tried to focus.
How Subaru, who had previously been ever so positive, turned this way was from the ever growing thought that something was terribly wrong.
And he was sadly only proven correct when he came across a wet spot in the sand.
At first he had mistaken it for another clue Emilia was nearby, but then he came across a bag, then another, and another and another.
Then he saw a saddle, with a pair of large footsteps to pair with it.
The boy turned pale as he compared the footsteps to Patarasche’s and the ones on the ground.
It was a perfect match.
Subaru felt many emotions in that moment, but only three bubbled to the surface:
Anger because he didn’t know if he was pushed—or if he had simply been an idiot and fell. His rage had stemmed from the fact that he had worked so hard, gone so long throughout this desert, only to make it back to where he started.
Sadness for the fact this may as well be a failed timeline, and every second he survived was a chance his checkpoint would update. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he had to go through this sandstorm for eternity.
And fear for the fact he would die. At this point death was certain, he would die somewhere here in this desert and he was simply prolonging his execution.
He grit his teeth, shuddering, as if he would cry but no tears would leak from his eyes.
He gave a dry chuckle as he got off of the land dragon, oh how he was ever so hungry…
Who cares if the sand was laced with Miasma? If he was going to die anyways he may as well be content.
That was his thought process as he took a handful of sand and swallowed it.
It brushed against his cracked lips, and went roughly down his throat, but all in all it tasted like normal sand.
He couldn’t help but feel as if Beatrice was wrong, that even if the sand was poisonous, he would be fine, after all, he himself had survived being cursed with living with the Witch’s Stench on him, and he still survived.
(Well he died, but not from that specifically.)
Subaru mocked the Great Spirit: “‘Subaru, spit the sand out of your mouth, don’t swallow it in fact! Even if it’s not a lot, the Miasma mixed with the sand can slowly eat away at your mind.’”
He threw the sand in his hands away: “As if! I’ve been insane since the Great Rabbit, this stupid sand won’t change anything!”
He grit his teeth, how had things ended up this way? Why had he been pushed?
Deep down he knew he had not simply fallen, that Patarasche had not stumbled for no reason. He had been sabotaged, he just couldn’t bring himself to believe that he was in another predicament where he had to decide who had tried (and basically had already,) killed him.
“Anastasia”— no, Echidna wouldn’t. She had too much to lose for simply getting rid of me.
Julius serves his lady, if she wouldn’t then he wouldn’t either. And Subaru doubted he would listen to such an order without a fight anyhow.
Meili? She had tried to kill them all before but… Subaru wanted to believe she had changed and that she wouldn’t do such a thing.
Subaru closed his eyes: “Maybe… Maybe this was all just an accident, something caused because of my own carelessness not to pay enough attention.”
Patarache finally decided to cut off on her rider’s rants.
She nudged—no, pushed the boy to the ground, glaring at him before giving a huff and rubbing her head against his.
Subaru yelped: “H-hey!”
Patarasche gave out a noise that was most likely her definition of saying: 'Stop drowning in despair, pick yourself up, we’re not done yet.’
Subaru’s lip wobbled, before he gave a small nod: “I-I’m not ready to die yet…”
Patarasche narrowed her eyes at his choice of wording but allowed him back on her back regardless.
Subaru's motivation had not been miraculously replenished, but he still wanted to push forward, to hear someone’s voice again, even if it was fake—
No, why would he even think like that?
He couldn’t get control of his mind anymore. All of his self-depreciative thoughts that he had tried so hard to hide in the depths of his mind had resurfaced, fighting for all of his attention.
His doubt,
His fear,
His anger.
All of it plagued his mind, attempting to change the person who he seemed like into the person he believed he truly was.
Arrogant,
Prideful,
Idiotic,
Slothful,
Greedy,
Envious,
Wrathful,
Glouttonious,
Lustful,
All of his useless traits, the things he hated most about his old self, tried to pop out of the cage Rem had so delicately built.
Now that he thought about it, was he the only one who got separated?
He could only shudder at the thought that Rem was out in this sand all alone, unable to move properly.
She would practically just be Mabeast food.
Mabeast….
Why hadn’t Subaru seen any Mabeast yet?
He was practically a magnet to them, he should have at least seen a pack stalking him hours ago.
He looked around at the swirling sandstorm that surrounded him, for a Sand Time to go this long was weird.
He wasn’t even sure if he was still in the desert, or if he was cursed to suffer until he died of dehydration.
He definitely wouldn't die of hunger, after all he had a sea of sand all around him— although, dying from overconsumption of Miasma is probably something he would look back at and detest himself for.
Subaru felt uneasy, there were too many variables in this situation: “Good intuition my ass.” He couldn’t help laughing: “All of my achievements are built on the corpses of others.”
And one one knows that except Subaru, Satella, and the Witch Of Envy.
Strangely, the wind did not respond to his call.
Normally the storm would howl over his sentences, yet when he said his last sentence the wind did not resist, it did not scream, the only sound in the area was Patarasche’s soft panting and the sand quietly grinding against the air.
Subaru broke into a sweat, the quiet was yet another unknown factor that he didn’t know the cause of: “Did it get quieter…?”
Patarasche only titled her head, as if she was unsure of what he was talking about. She continued her pace, striding forward too smoothly, too normally.
As if she didn’t feel the way the area became a bit cooler, a bit quieter, a bit more nerve wracking.
Subaru rubbed the back of his head, he was unused to the silence, and actually preferred when the sand would assault him with rocks and other debris: “You’re really comfortable with the silence huh PHS?”
Patarasche looked back at him, confusion written on her face, Subaru flushed: “W-Well.. PHS as in Patarasche wa hontōni saikōda, y-you know, Patarasche is truly the best..!! Ehehehe…”
He tapped his fingers together, pretending to get embarrassed, but instead of his face turning red, it stayed its previous sickly pale color.
It was clear he was simply pretending to be embarrassed so he wouldn’t have to deal with the “silence” he was so afraid of.
Patarasche snorted and used her tail to whack the boy, but it seemed as if she liked the name as when he said it, her tail would wag.
Subaru smiled slightly: “H-hah, what are you a… a dog?”
He shivered, it was so cold.
He hoped that he had a fever, and that this coldness wasn’t the same as the numbing chill when he died.
The wind blew again, but a voice carried with it:
“Subaru-chan did you say something?! I can’t hear you at all!”
He froze, that voice, it was Emilia’s.
But he didn’t get the same excitement as before, as this was not a clue.
This was the same thing she had said when they were fighting through Sand Time.
Before they had separated.
The voice layered over itself, echoing in the desert: “Baru-Chan! Over here—!”
The voice got hushed out by the wind as quickly as it came, but Subaru couldn’t help finding himself clutching the dragon tighter: “Hah... I must be going crazy…”
But it seemed as if Patarasche had heard none of the frantic whispers as she tilted her head once more.
Subaru was getting tired of the madness that this desert had drowned him in.
He started to even question why they were here anyhow—
“No, we are here to find a cure to Rem’s condition—“
But it’s not like he was doing much of that when he was so, so far from everyone else.
Subaru grimaced, stopping his train of thought.
He should probably rest up, after all he is very, very tired.