Chapter Text
I poked my brother.
"Ow," he said.
"Wake up."
"No."
I poked him again.
"Ow. Fine. I'm awake."
"Monica accidentally turned everyone into a cat."
He took a brief moment, then burst into purring laughter.
"It's not funny," I insisted.
"Are you kidding? It's hilarious! The irony!"
"Yeah, we'll see how you feel about it when you need to open a door," I countered.
He shrugged. "Whatever. How hard could it be? If you can handle it, I can handle it. Haha, oh man, this is way better than whatever prank I would have come up with! Which one's Monica? I need to give her a high five!"
"She's the mopey calico over there, but I wouldn't go for the high five if I were you," said Mal. "She's pretty shook up. I don't think she'd appreciate the levity."
"I can hear you, you know," Monica said.
"Cats have pretty good hearing," Thomas added. "I'll say, though, what's really impressing me is the depth perception with these vertical pupils."
"Okay. So how come the kid's still on two legs?" Corey asked, pointing at Amy.
Amy's eyes caught the motion. "Hi. Um. Sorry. Are you trying to talk to me? I can't understand you. Sorry."
"It's okay," Mal said, gliding in to sit on Amy's lap. (For this, she was rewarded with head pats. The patting instinct is strong.) She looked at Corey. "She's immune for reasons that I'd rather not get into right now."
Translation: Let's not out her as a dragon without her permission.
"Cool," said Corey. "Welp, I think that answers all my questions! So now what? Cat Olympics?"
"Now I finish waking everyone else up while Mal keeps working on figuring out the duration of this stupid curse," I replied. "Corey, I am assigning you to babysit the kid. She doesn't speak Cat, so you're going to use the tablet to translate."
"Ooh, look at big sister taking charge! Such authority!"
"Just do it, or I'll turn back into a human and pet you in the wrong direction."
"...Is that bad?"
"Would you like to find out?"
He sighed and started poking at Amy's tablet. Yeah, I thought so.
Mom and Uncle Frank were next to each other, so I poked them both awake at the same time.
"What…?" Frank mumbled.
My mother's reaction was more dramatic. "Gas leak!" she gasped. "I'm hallucinating! Oh my God, we need to get out of the house! Why didn't the carbon monoxide alarm go off?"
"Mom. Chill. It's me, Kate. There's no gas leak. You've just been magically turned into a cat. Magic is real."
"Oh! You're hallucinating too! This is bad!"
"I don't think carbon monoxide makes you hallucinate," Frank said. "But I guess I'm not an expert. So you're seeing everyone as cats too? It's not just me?"
Thistle stepped in. "Apologies, Delia, but I'm afraid Katelyn is correct. This is no hallucination, much as I would prefer it to be."
My mom started to speak, but I raised a paw to cut her off. "Please hold further questions until Dad is conscious. I can only repeat myself so many times. Thank you."
I walked over and booped my dad on the nose. His eyes flickered open.
"Hi, Dad," I said. "Magic is real and everyone has been turned into a cat. But don't worry, it'll wear off on its own."
He blinked. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Sure. That sounds fake. But also…I do seem to have a tail." His tail twitched. "So who am I to argue?"
"Man, if I had a nickel for every time a family gathering was interrupted by an inconvenient magical accident," Frank said, shaking his head.
"Excuse me?" my mom interjected.
"Well, I'd have one nickel, wouldn't I? You can always use more nickels, Dee."
"Thank you for that, Uncle Frank. I will now be taking questions. Yes, Dad." I pointed at my dad, whose paw was raised.
"Why are you the only one wearing a collar?" he asked, pointing to the magical pendant around my neck.
"Good question. It's a thaumatic optical corrective and enhancement aid. I'm wearing it because I can't wear my glasses when I'm a cat. Next question, please."
He raised his paw again.
"Yes, Dad again."
"Did you just happen to have that ready to go, or were we out a lot longer than I thought? Also, how do you hold a monocle over your eye as a cat?"
"Well, first off, it's not a monocle, it's a magical charm, and it works while it's around my neck. Secondly, I was actually turned into a cat several weeks ago in a completely unrelated magical accident, which was the announcement I was going to make literally right before this thing happened."
"Oh. That makes sense."
"Wha…no it doesn't!" Mom sputtered. "She wasn't a cat when she got here!"
"Neither were any of us," Frank pointed out.
"I have magical powers. One of them is the ability to turn back into a human temporarily. It's not perfect, which is why my hair and eyes were a different color."
Dad blinked. "Your eyes were a different color?"
"You seriously didn't notice?" said Corey.
"I don't usually make eye contact," he replied defensively.
"How long have you had these 'magical powers'?" Mom demanded. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"It's, uh, that's my fault, actually," Mal said. "I…accidentally summoned your daughter as my familiar. Um. Sorry."
"I knew the whole time and lied to cover it up!" Corey proclaimed.
My mom's tail was lashing. "WHAT?"
"I'm not sure I'm following all of this," said my dad. "So…several weeks ago, you were accidentally turned into a cat by your friend here, who is some kind of witch? And that gave you magical powers, but that's totally separate and unrelated to our current predicament?"
I nodded. "Wizard, not witch, but otherwise, yeah."
"That's bang on, Henry," Thistle said encouragingly. "You're following quite well, actually."
"So you knew about this," my mom said, looking helplessly at Thistle.
"Indeed. Our daughter does her chores with telekinesis; it's rather hard to miss, I think. I am sorry not to have told you about it all sooner—but would you have believed us?"
I moved in closer to my mom and brushed up against her. "It's okay, Mom. I'm fine. Being a cat isn't so bad. And the Avalons have been really supportive. Honestly, a lot has happened, and now that you know, I'm counting on you and Dad to be cool with it, okay? Please don't go ballistic."
"I…" she hesitated. "This is a lot to take in. And it's not clear to me why you're so sanguine about it."
"Well, I for one would like to circle back to why all of us are cats," Frank piped up.
"Cursed wine bottle," I said matter-of-factly.
Monica hung her head. "Sorry."
"Oh," he replied. "Oh, that's okay, Monica. I mean, what were the odds, right? Follow-up question, though, why isn't the kid over there also a cat?"
"She must have been too far away from the rest of us," my mom speculated.
Frank nodded. "That makes sense."
"That's certainly a plausible theory," I said carefully. "Any other questions?"
My dad raised his hand again. "You said it would wear off. How long is that going to take?"
"I'm still figuring that out," Mal answered. "It would be a lot easier if I had my detect magic spell prepared so that I could see the magic, but—"
"Mal," I interrupted.
"Hmm?"
"You are a cat."
"Yeah, so I—"
"Cats can see magic."
She stood silent for a moment, then put her head in her paws. "Yeah. Yeah, we sure can."