Chapter Text
And when you've forgotten who I am
It just feels, it just feels...
I'm nobody at all
It’s sad really, how he started to realize that despite this world having all the similarities with his old one, he doesn't know who he is anymore. It’s so weird for him how his family treats him better than his own. If he gets hurt just a bit, his brothers are there to make sure he’s ok and that to not try to do it like that.
It freaks him out to the point that he runs away in the middle of getting scolded by Donatello, he can't, he can't, he can't.
He can't take that. It’s too much for him. He wasn't used to that. He was used to his brothers talking, lying about what they thought about him, THAT he could take, he was used to lying and it was easy to fake his emotions. And yeah, sure, he had wanted to do it once more because he missed that.
He missed lying to himself.
Michelangelo didn’t want this.
I lost myself hitting the ground
I tried to scream and made no sound
I should have known it was no use
He should of never have talked to Mikey again. It only makes it worse because the other turtle, his other self, doesn't hate him or despise him for keeping him away from his family. Mikey ends up telling him stories whenever he comes to feed him, the turtle talks about his childhood, about the stuff he has done with his family and friends. All sounding almost the same to what he could remember, except it’s not.
Because Mikey has good brothers, that tease him and care for him, and worry that whatever they had said had upset him. They talk and do stuff together and enjoy it.
He listens and he hates it. No.
He hates Mikey, his life. Everything.
To try and run from
The cycle of abuse, the cycle of abuse
He doesn't know how to really enjoy all that has been told to him or what’s going back on the lair. Everything is just new to him and even when he tries to lie to himself, to believe that he can actually be happy there, and just enjoy all of this.
He can't. He got used to being treated as if he wasn't totally part of the team, not taking in notice of his ideas or suggestions, of being always hit by little things he did that were so annoying to the rest.
He can't take it anymore, he can't stay there with that family, not his, never his. It’s at one point that he breaks and he runs from everything.
He goes to hide in the abandoned subway station, mind racing, trying to calm himself. But as he has to much in mind, he never realized that his brothers had ended up following him there.
Michelangelo doesn’t hear the voices calling out his name, to deep in thoughts and trying to compose himself.
But Mikey does and he calls back for his brothers.
He cries when the door is open and his brothers appear, looking puzzled at seeing him locked in a place like that, they joke, telling him that he had locked himself up there, and Mikey sobs, but is one he tries to make it sound like a happy one.
“Yeah I did, bro” he tells them and hugs his closest brother, and that’s when his brothers knows something is wrong, more so because Mikey seems a bit thinner and paler than before.
The family end up finding out soon that there are two of the same turtle and that in the last couple of months they had been living with the one that came from another world.
They don't understand at first why there is another one, but Mikey tells them, tell his brother the things the two of them had exchanged during that time, how he had looked on his behavior. How lost is the other orange clad turtle.
I am on fire
A crying, burning liar
Donnie asks Michelangelo about his family, about his Donatello, asks if he can contact them, because maybe they are looking for him.
Michelangelo laughs, it’s a forced sound and he tries, he tries to compose himself, but it only ends up in him shaking and hugging himself.
He misses Donatello. He misses Raphael. He misses Leonardo. He misses his family, but he doesn't have one anymore.
He lies. Of course he does.
He lies that it was ok, that his brothers probably were looking for him.
He lies. He tells them he is sorry for kidnapping Mikey, he was simply scared and he didn't know how well would they react having two of him there.
Seeing nothing, nothing, but myself
And I'm the one with the lighter
Mikey knows Michelangelo is lying, but doesn't say anything, during the last week, he saw how his other self started to break until he made the mistake of bringing his brothers to where he had been imprisoned.
But Mikey isn’t mad at that. He comes closer to the other turtle and puts his hand on his shoulder.
“Is ok to let it out” baby blue eyes stare right back at mirrored ones. “You don't have to keep hiding yourself” and is enough for Michelangelo to let his tears fall after two years.
He tells himself he doesn't feel anything. But the pain in his chest is there again, and this time he doesn't care to let all those emotions he had been hiding deeply in himself, let out and he screams.
He doesn't want to be a liar anymore.
Every inch of me is charred
God, what happened to my heart?
It takes around half an hour but is enough for Michelangelo to compose himself a bit, holding for dear life to his other self, eyes closed because he can't, he can't look at the other turtles there. It hurts.
It hurts that he doesn't have a family anymore. It hurts that he was so angry with them and wished for them to be gone.
It hurts that he was still alive instead of him being the one gone and they alive.
I'm about to fall apart
Again, again
Michelangelo breaks once more, this time whispering his tale to Mikey, who hugs him tighter and rubs his head and shell, silently listening to him before asking his brothers a moment to himself and perhaps a bit of water for the two of them.
Mikey’s brothers are wary, after all, how could they trust the other turtle after what he did to their little brother? But their brother’s puppy eyes is enough for them to believe, trust, not on Michelangelo, but on their Mikey.
Once alone, he listens intently to what was being said from his other self and despite trying to hold it back, he whimpers and cries a little at hearing that Michelangelo doesn't have a family anymore, that it’s his fault, his fault, his fault, his fault.
“I’m sorry” Michelangelo holds Mikey tighter when he hears the other’s apology. Why apologise to him? He was a traitor. He was a murderer. He was an angry being.
But he knew why. He always knew.
And you're never coming back
And I'm not okay with that
“I know they are not the brothers you lost” he can't help but cringe at that choice of words, hadn’t Mikey been listening to him? “But they are still family and...I know that with a bit of time they can be your family too.”
He knows that he is never going to see his brothers and friends again. He knows it's going to be longer than a bit of time before he trusts another person, that they trust on him too.
What he doesn't know is why is he trusting Mikey.
No, he knows too.
He trusts Mikey because he can tell that his other self is not lying.
And he likes that. He likes the idea of someone finally not lying to him.
He can only nod at those words before being guided out from the room he had been hiding himself.
He never lets go of Mikey’s hand, he is too scared that everything is a dream.
That he lied to himself once more.
He didn’t want to lie anymore.