Chapter Text
It was getting colder.
Winds howled, crashing and exploding like colorless fireworks. Noelle huddled deeper into Susie, stifling a shiver. Susie noticed, silently covering Noelle in her jacket, rubbing its warm fabric against her fur. Noelle's muscles relaxed. The tip of her snout pointed upwards, poking Susie's chin with its usual wetness. Tucked into her jacket like this, Susie kept the cold out, held the warmth in, held her scent in, held the smell of so many flowers—of Susie.
"Feeling a little better?" Susie asked quietly, the harsh breeze flowing through obsidian hair, streaked with silver light of the moon. She looked down at Noelle hiding in this pocket of safety with a warm smile.
Noelle nodded, her little red nose booping against Susie's neck. Susie didn't mind the wet touch. She never minded anything like that, did she?
"Good," Susie said. She sighed and Noelle felt the way her chest expanded and deflated, awed. "I… I don't know much about family stuff, Noelle."
"It's okay," Noelle said back quietly, barely heard over the wind. "You don't need to. You're… you're still helping me a lot, Susie." She placed her head against Susie's chest again.
Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. How amazing… How beautiful. Susie was here. Susie was alive. And Noelle could listen to her, could know that she was real, in the present. In the now.
"Mm," Susie growled to herself, eyes staring distantly, at nothing in front of her. "Though, I… I think I'm learnin' a bit."
"Hm?"
Susie nodded, lost in herself, lost in Noelle. She continued to rub through the jacket, the friction creating gentle sparks in Noelle's soul. "About family. Or somethin'. I dunno."
Noelle didn't respond. Not because she couldn't. She simply wanted to let Susie speak. It was always so easy to interrupt her. She dropped everything for others, even her own thoughts.
"I always thought…" Susie sighed, a frown at her maw. "Always thought families were fake. Thought that was crap you saw on TV. I'd see a parent showing love and affection to their kid on TV and I thought, 'Who is this for? Everyone knows parents aren't like that.'"
(Oh, Susie…) Noelle reached to Susie's shirt, fingers clutching it tightly, perhaps hoping this would show support somehow. Susie's tummy relaxed, even if she didn't notice, and Noelle figured maybe it was getting through.
"I just… I didn't get it." Dark hair blew into her eyes, hiding everything and nothing. "Why did people act like they loved their family? What was the point? It's not like I hadn't seen other peoples' families when I was a kid." A gulp. A lump in her throat. "Those kids were like me, though. So of course their families sucked too." A breath. "I never got to see a parent that actually loved their kid before."
Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Noelle silently wrapped her arms around Susie's torso, hugging closer, tighter, pressing her chest into the other. (Susie… I hope you can feel my heartbeat too. I hope it helps you too.)
"But recently…" Susie shook her head. Her tummy clenched. She held Noelle tight. "I've been seein' some good families for once. And…" She tilted her head downward, somehow afraid to look up at the moon. "Thinkin' of those good parents getting—getting… taken away…" Fangs blared under the moonlight. Susie's entire body shook with rage. "It pisses me off, Noelle. It pisses. Me. Off."
Noelle slowly began to rub Susie's back, fur pressing against fabric, fabric getting stuck on patchy scales. (I just want to help her.)
"Why the fuck do the good parents have to be taken away?" Susie hissed, sharpened teeth grinding together. "Why not the piece of shit ones? Why not my—" The wind stole her words, devoured them in an endless cyclone, into a dark abyss where they would never be heard. "Ugh. Sorry, Noelle. Didn't mean to make this about myself right now…"
Noelle shook her head, nuzzling. "No, Susie, it's okay. It's really… it's really helpful. I-I mean it. I-I don't know how to explain it right now, but it…" She sighed into Susie's chin. "It makes me feel warm. Safe."
Susie shot a grin down at Noelle, like nothing in the world was going wrong at that moment. "Heh. That's 'cuz you're in my jacket, dummy. Safest place you can be. I'm not gonna let anything hurt ya in there."
Noelle's soul glowed an icy white in the night, but it did not freeze her heart. It held her. It made her want to cry, but she didn't understand why.
The two girls basked in the moonlight a while longer, listening to the wind. The lake rippled and crashed in a strange discordant harmony. Neither talked, but neither needed to. Just feeling the other, knowing Susie was there… that was enough. That was all she needed. Peace and—
RRRRING!
Susie startled, Noelle's entire world shaking in her jacket. Metal screeched against metal in Noelle's mind, lights buzzing like flies at her head. "Agh, if it's…!" Noelle swiped the phone out of her pocket, trembling with fury. She looked at the screen.
MOM.
"Jiminy Christmas…! I'm so sick of her!" Noelle hissed, squeezing her phone so hard she hoped she might break it. It didn't so much as shudder, didn't so much as flinch under Noelle's threats. It would never respect her now. It would never be from anyone she wanted.
Who else could call her? Who else could it be? Of course. It will always be her.
Susie tried to keep calm. "Noelle, hey, just hang up, it's—"
RRRRRIING!
"She'll just call again!" Noelle found herself shrieking, an embarrassing sniffle surfacing in her rage. "It doesn't matter if you ignore her! It's always her! It's always her! Leave me alone, just leave me alone! Please!"
"H-hey…" Susie gulped, amber eyes shimmering with concern. "Maybe if you just, uh, answer real quick and—"
RRRRRIIING!
"It won't matter! It won't ever matter!" Noelle interrupted, ashamed at herself for throwing a tantrum. Susie was trying her best. But everything was falling apart. Everything was unraveling. "It'll always be her, don't you understand, Susie?!"
"I…" Susie looked away, unable to figure out what to do with her gaze, with her mouth. "I don't."
(You're making it harder on her.)
RRRRRRIIIING!
(She's making it harder on her.)
Noelle's world snapped. Cut between winds, suffocating at the water's edge, blinded by the moon's never ending stare. Her body pushed itself out of Susie's comfortable jacket, out of her arms. She stomped two hooves into the lake water, fuming, crying, a mess of everything all at once. Susie called out, but Noelle could only hear her distantly.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!
'Noelle. It is your father. He has fallen down. You must go to the hospital immediately. There is no time—'
"SHUT! UP!" Noelle screamed at the phone, her lungs aching, her eyes burning. "GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY! WHY CAN'T YOU DIE INSTEAD?!" Something was howling. Someone was screaming. Noelle found that the source of the high pitched screech was coming from her mouth. Her vision had become nothing more than white and black. Light and dark. The only way to escape the moon's eye, the only way to make it all stop was in the lake.
"Noelle!" Susie cried out. But it was too late.
With all of her strength, all of her hate, all of her exhaustion, all of her pain, she threw her phone as hard as she could against the full moon that had enveloped the sky.
RRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIiiinnngg….g……..g…..
With a pathetic plop, like it were nothing more than a stone, her phone sunk beneath the dark waves. It was finally gone. It was…
Splash splash splash!
Susie stomped through the lake water, past Noelle, and into the reflection. Without a word, she dived in, and the lake took her away to the world reflected in its surface. All Noelle could do was watch.
Water sloshed against her hooves. She took a step forward. Another step. Another.
"Hah!"
Susie exploded out of the water, a geyser of violet and silver crystals raining down across the lake's surface. Black hair stuck to her face like a rag, her entire body glistening and soaked. In mere moments, she stood before Noelle, dripping and dripping back into the lake. Her body heaved with exertion. Wind slapped wet hair into her eyes.
Despite everything, Susie smiled.
She dropped to her knee in the shallow water, grinning like she hadn't ruined her clothes. "Your phone."
It wasn't ringing anymore. The screen read blank. Darkness. Just like the rippling world beneath the lake. Waterlogged and useless, Noelle still took it. She couldn't understand why. It was nothing more than a wet brick.
"Don't want it to get hurt," Susie chuckled, jeans hugging her legs. Her jacket could no longer be warm. Not like this. "Would be a waste, wouldn't it?"
"I—Susie—I…" Gusts of icy water slammed against her hooves, lapping at her leg fur. Susie didn't stop grinning, didn't even get up.
"What?" Susie finally got to her feet, towering over Noelle, blocking the moon's eye. "You don't need to thank me."
"It's still broken, Susie…"
"Heheh. I know."
"Then… why…?"
"It's still a part of you," Susie said with a shiver, scales glittering like thousands of violet jewels across her body. "Even if its broken. Even if it hurts." Fangs splayed out, shining against the dark. Drenched hair whipped against her smile, but she paid it no heed. "Don't give up somethin' you might regret losin' later."
Outlined in threads of silvery moonlight, she appeared almost smudged before the moon, ethereal, intangible. It was her smile—her smile that was just for Noelle in that moment—it was her dazzling smile that made her seem impossible to reach. Susie was another memory, another beautiful moment. And she was standing right before Noelle. Still here. Still alive.
So Noelle took another step forward and leapt into her arms.
"Whoa there, you're going to get drenched too, heh," Susie chuckled, unsure what to do with her dripping wet claws. Water plopped onto the crown of Noelle's head, sinking deep into her hide. Susie's hands hovered around Noelle's tiny frame, as if two forces of gravity were trying to attract and repel her at the same time.
"I don't care," Noelle said into Susie's squelching shirt. Thump thump thump… "I just want to hear you."
Susie broke through whatever repulsion field that had surrounded Noelle. Her frigid fingertips sunk into Noelle's back, into her sweater, into her fur. She moved closer, allowing Noelle to keep hearing her heart. With some apprehension, she nuzzled her snout into Noelle's hair, nostrils snorting with pleasant steam.
"C'mon," Susie chuckled, breathy, into her hair. "You'll get sick standin' in the water like this."
Pressure tickled out of her chest. "Faha, and you won't?" She almost felt ashamed to laugh like this. But Susie simply held her tighter, smiled brighter.
"I don't get sick," Susie growled confidently, sounding more like a purr than anything threatening. "I'm invincible. Remember?"
…
An old lie invaded her thoughts. 'I'm invincible, sweetheart. Nothin's gonna happen to me.'
…
"Let's go," Noelle demanded, grabbing Susie's hand and pulling her out of the lake.
Susie tripped over herself, splashing through the waters just to keep up with Noelle's forceful hold. "H-huh? Where?"
Noelle swallowed that old lie down her stomach. She kept tugging Susie, past the shore, past the picnic benches.
"I'm walking you home."
"What do you mean your home is at school?"
"It's—it's at school, Noelle. Okay? I'll tell you when we get there."
…
She had her suspicions. Noelle always had her suspicions. But she never wanted to assume anything about Susie. Never wanted to create a rift between the two of them. She was afraid to learn just how much Susie hurt. She was afraid to know how deep it went. Just like the lake.
But she wouldn't be afraid anymore. Not with Susie. Not with the people she cared about.
Some might describe her walk through the town as 'frantic,' as she tugged a sopping wet Susie along. But what else could she do? It was too late. She couldn't go to Noelle's house. She refused to see Toriel for some odd reason. She refused to go to the apartment building that Noelle thought she lived in.
(I can't. I can't let her hurt like this. I can't let her be sick and suffer alone.)
So when she stomped into the linoleum floors of the school, shadows dancing and hugging at every corner of the wall, she made sure to slam the front doors shut so the wind could no longer chase them. She stared across the dark halls, a view of the school she had never seen—lonely, blue, with shadowy claws scratching at the windows, begging to be let in. How long had Susie lived like this?
Square teeth ground together. Noelle winced, hands turned into tiny fists. (Why did I try to deny it all this time? Why do I try to deny everything? What good has it done? It didn't help me. It didn't help them.) Pushing through her hesitation, she hugged Susie tightly again, using as much of her body as possible. With a sniffle, she nuzzled her furry cheeks hard against Susie's drenched scales, rubbing up and down with every part of her.
"Nn—Noelle…?" Susie rasped. Thumpthumpthump! went her heart, beating like a drum solo. "W-what are you… doing?"
"You need to be dried off." Noelle did not stop. She used her fur, her own clothes, everything she could to warm her up. "We don't even have access to a towel. So. I'm using my fur." She knew her voice sounded oddly distant, frighteningly cold, but she had to do something.
"Y-you're just makin' yourself wet too!" Susie growled, yet she did not push, did not back away.
"I don't care," Noelle said stubbornly. She rubbed the other side of her cheek against Susie's neck, the wet chill soaking deep into her fur. But she was made to handle the cold. Susie wasn't.
"T-this is stupid," Susie stuttered, heartbeat pounding, pounding, pounding… "Just. Hey. Let me get home and I'll get all dried up. I'm not even—hack!—sick." A cough. "Goddamn it."
"What do you mean, home, Susie?" Noelle must have sounded cruel. She never wanted that. She just didn't understand. "There's nothing here, there's no one here."
Susie sighed, failing to stifle a sniffle. "This is… this is what I've been trying to tell you, Noelle. I want to tell you everything." Sharp claws gently grabbed Noelle and placed her at arm length.
"H-hey! I wasn't done yet!" Noelle whined. But Susie shook her head.
"Listen to me." Susie kept her hands around Noelle's damp wrists, locking her down. "That dream you had the other night?"
Noelle lost her breath. (No. That… that couldn't be. She's not going to say that.)
Susie's yellow eyes had never looked so real, shining in the school's shadow. "That wasn't a dream, Noelle."
Noelle's soul fell into her gut, freezing. "S-stop messing around right now, Susie…!" But somewhere. Deep inside. She had always known. Just like everything else.
"The city, Queen, the roller coaster, the Ferris Wheel…" Susie's words fell out of her maw in a mess, her voice even raspier than usual due to the cold. "That happened, Noelle."
"I-I-I…" Noelle reflexively took a step back. Susie let her. Why? She wouldn't let Noelle close, but she would let her move away? "I don't understand, Susie. Then… why did you… Why would you…?"
"I lied," Susie said through grit fangs. The shadows cut her in half when she looked down, leaving her as someone else, something else. "I lied to you in there, Noelle. I lied to you afterwards too. I don't…" She looked up. The shadows had been brushed away. Only a girl plagued with guilt remained. A girl that Noelle had come to know very well. "I don't understand why I lied to you."
(It… I… I always thought it was possible, but… I…) Her mind was spinning. Everything that happened. Everything she did. With Kris too. How could that…?
"I was scared," Susie admitted, clutching her arm. "I was so scared. Of what? I don't fucking know. You were getting close to me. You were saying things to me I couldn't possibly believe. So I lied. I lied to you. I lied to myself. I told myself it was to protect you. To make sure you wouldn't tell anyone. To make sure you wouldn't take these adventures away from me somehow. So many stupid reasons. So many things I should have just said. But I didn't."
"I thought it wouldn't matter. I thought I wouldn't ever talk to you again anyway. I thought you'd forget about me like everyone else does." She sighed, but refused to back down, refused to pity herself. "But then we ended up talking so much in your house. A-and I just… I didn't know what to do. So I kept lying. I didn't want to believe how much I was… I was liking you." A swath of pink touched her snout. "Because if I admitted to liking you, I'd have to admit I lied to you and… fuck." She scowled, fangs grinding sparks in her maw. "It's not an excuse. I know. I understand if you're pissed at me. I'd understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore."
The winds howled outside of school, crying out, demanding to be heard. Shadows crawled and writhed across the floor, scratching her hooves, pulling at her eyes. Noelle's ears had gone flat against her head, eyes wide as Susie told her everything. Everything.
When Noelle finally spoke, when she finally broke the silence, her voice came out low, unlike her. She didn't even realize she was saying it till it had already left her lips. "Can it heal my dad."
Susie stiffened. She clutched her arm tighter. Surely much too tight. She shook her head. "Based on what I saw tonight… with Flowery…" She winced, the memory still a fresh wound on her mind. "I'm certain it can't work." Another pause, the weight of everything pressing down against her shoulders, nearly crushing Susie. "Sorry."
(Of course. I knew it wouldn't be that easy.) And yet. It still shattered her soul anew. It took her brittle soul and threw it against the linoleum. It still left her in pieces across the tile. But she'd pick them up. And Susie would help.
"I want to prove to you that it's real," Susie croaked, her throat seemingly failing her. "At least… as real as it can be. I want to show you where I live, Noelle. A place that's just…" She tried to smile even if it was strained. "A place that's just for me n' Kris. I want to let you in. I want to show you what I have now, even if it's… even if it's hard to describe. Even if it's kinda not real. I-I dunno."
She held out a hand, her arm shrouded in darkness. Violet and black.
A cyclone of thoughts. A storm of fear. A gust of terror and hurt and betrayal. It all crashed into her at different angles. But through it all she knew. She knew. (It doesn't matter if she lied.)
Noelle reached out, hand shaking. She recoiled once. Took a deep breath. She asked, "Will this home of yours get you dry?"
"H-huh?" Susie's eyes widened, nostrils flaring. "Uh—er—y-yeah! Yeah." She gulped. A nod. Firm. She was sure of herself. "Yeah. They will."
Noelle took her hand again, clasping it tightly. Her heartbeat thumped and bumped and pounded and she thought she wouldn't be able to stand it anymore. But she said, "Then let's go."
And they walked into the closet together, hand in hand.