Chapter Text
Dumb ways to die (death game edition)
7:43PM
<Grain> I can't believe I'm saying this, but you guys are our last resort
<Martyn> For what?
<Pearl> you trust us??
<Cleo> you're screwed in that case
<Grain> Void no, you just have the crazy ideas that sometinmes work
<Grain> And nothing else has worked
<Scar> i still wnnna know what happenes if i go in
<Scott> qanything but that
<Pearl> no
<Scar> ):
<Grain> Has anyone got ANY other ideas
<Cleo> Nah
<Scott> Unfortunately not
<Pearl> Complete blank
<Scar> we cuold treat it like we did the mooners cult?
<Martyn> ?
<Scar> like offerings and sacrafices
<Scar> why do i get the feeling im being judged
<Grain> scar, i am currently standing on the reasons that will never go well
<Martyn> ???
<Martyn> What even happened guys?!?!
<Cleo> Wait you actually dont know?
<Pearl> Really??
<Martyn> Yeah! What issue is so prevalent you think asking us is a good idea?
<Grain> Oh, I got stuck on Hermitcraft season8. Yes the one that we lost access to.
<Martyn> oh geez what
<Scott> Yeah, theres a strange rift on season ten. Grian fell in it. He cant leave. Xisuma is suffering mentally.
<Martyn> Wait so let me get this straight
<Martyn> G’s somehow on an impossible server
<Martyn> And cant leave
<Pearl> Yup
<Martyn> And we're not in full panic mode
<Scott> Well, sorta but yep
<Martyn> And you've tried every method you can think of?
<Scar> yep
<Cleo> We've tried throwing a stick and a sheep in, neither made it to the other side
<Martyn> …
<Martyn> Dude You've got an admin on both sides, surely it wouldn't take long to hack through
<Martyn> Y’know, instead of trying to brute force it
<Grain> ..why didn't we try that originally?
<Cleo> Idk, u were being dumb
<Scott> whos gonna tell x
<Scar> dibs not me
<Grain> He's not in this chat?
<Cleo> Hes not even in the life series, let alone a winner
<Grain> Oh
<Grain> Yeah no, one of you do it
<Martyn> I'm beginning to see how none of you realised the easier option
<Grain> …shut up
<Scott> Fine I'll do it
<Scar> yey
<Pearl> Thanks for your sacrifice
<Scott> BUT only if Grian give Xisuma admin privileges back on the hermpires chat
<Grain> O: how dare you he will kick me
<Scott> At this point if he does you deserve it
<Cleo> Hahhhhh
- - - - -
Direct messages with Xisuma
8:12PM
<Smajor1995> heyyyt x
<Xisuma> what do you want.
<Smajor1995> How Dare You jump to conclusions. Im hurt
<Smajor1995> But yea. We got a new idea
<Xisuma> who's ‘we’?
<Smajor1995> …me, pearl, martyn, grian, scar, cleo
<Smajor1995> but i promise its actually a smart plan
<Xisuma> Those words do not go together
<Smajor1995> I know i know, just trust me
<Xisuma> Finee, not like I have any choice
<Smajor1995> ok SO
<Smajor1995> Martyn said, and i quote
<Smajor1995> ‘You have an admin on both sides, surely it wouldnt take too long to hack through’
<Xisuma> .. my void we are idiots
<Xisuma> How didn't we think of this
<Smajor1995> Lol thats what we sid too
<Xisuma> hjkaf ifqn
<Xisuma> Howd he know g was an admin anyways?
<Smajor1995> Dude like everybody knew before you did
<Xisuma> Bruh
<Xisuma> Well, better to do it sooner
<Xisuma> Can you tell grian to try get access to the logs, and il create a temporary portal from the link there
<Smajor1995> Why am i the messenger
<Xisuma> Cause I have some hacking to do
- - - - -
[Hermitcraft Season 8]
[Status: Inactive]
[Whitelisted players: 24]
[Active players: 0]
> [Refresh]
[Loading…]
[Hermitcraft Season 8]
[Status: À̵͎c̸͉̕ẗ̶̳ȉ̸̬v̸͎́e̸̜̋]
[Whitelisted players: <ERroR>]
[Active players: 1̷̖̓?̵̺̚]
> [File.open (Active Players)]
[RuntimeError: name ‘Active Players’ is not defined]
> [File.revert (Active Players) [3600]]
[RuntimeError: name ‘Active Players’ is not defined]
> [File.open (Server Details)]
[Loading…]
[Hermitcraft Season 8]
[ID: 299691136]
[Firewall status: Strong]
[Inner server status: M̸̻̑𝙹ó̷̲n̴͔̈́ ̴̛͔g̷̩̓o̸̹͗リê̵̲?̷̩̑]
[Major glitches: 1̷̰̓]
[Minor glitches: 9]
> [Execute CodeScan ()]
[ẹ̴̓rRO̷͜͝R̶͈̎: SUBPR̸̞̔O̴͙̕GRAM_INV̷͇̌ALID]
‘-̷̦̿í̷̭s̵̩̈́um̷͓̋a?’ <
> [Print (“Hello?”)]
‘found you! its Grian’ <
> [Print (“Well… that was quite quick”)]
‘yeah, i guess Martyn was right’ <
> [Print (“Dont tell him that.”)]
> [Print (“Although, what in the void happened to the server code?!”)]
> [Print (“We have got to get you off right now! Its actively destabilising!”)]
‘you dont have to tell me twice. im fully convinced the Boatem hole has grown’ <
‘atleast now weve got a stable link.’ <
> [Print (“Better than nothing. Gimme 10ish mins, I can work from here.”)]
‘i can do my best!’ <
> [Execute PortalOpen (~-10, ~, ~)]
[Error: memory limit exceeded. Free up space to allow command to go through]
> [Execute ResetUnloadedChucks ()]
[Executing…]
[4GB of data recovered]
> [File.open (Chatlogs)]
[Hermitcraft Season 8 chatlogs history]
1 hour ago
<Grian> Woah
<Grian> Boatem! I'm so nostalgic right now
<Grian> Season eight?
<Grian> Can anyone hear me
<Grian> I can't leave?
<Grian> What's happening ???
2 years ago
<U̸̞͋n̶̯̈k̴̺̽n̵͖͂o̶̤͌w̸͔͂n̶̢̊> ᓭ╎ᒲ⚍ꖎᔑℸ ̣ ╎𝙹リ ᓵ𝙹ᒲ!¡ꖎᒷℸ ̣ ᒷ. ᔑ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑリꖌ ||𝙹⚍ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 𝙹⚍∷ !¡ᔑ∷ℸ ̣ ╎ᓵ╎!¡ᔑリℸ ̣ ᓭ.
[See more]
> [Delete]
[Are you sure? Deleted data cannot be recovered]
> [Yes]
[Deleting…]
[256KB of data recovered]
[Hermitcraft Season 8 chatlogs history]
There is̸̭̚ nothing here y̵̘̿et
> [cmd (“/tick freeze”)]
[The game is frozen]
> [cmd (“/effect give @e minecraft:resistance infinite 5 true”)]
[Applied effect Resistance to 1 targets]
‘?’ <
> [Print (“This may hurt a little”)]
> [Execute PortalOpen (~-10, ~, ~)]
[Warning: opening a portal without fol̷̟̿lowing safety protocol̵̩͘s is dange̵͖̔rous and ma̴͇͌y damage the serv̵͖͛er and its curre̶͈͋nt in̸̻͘habitan̶̝͊ts. Proceed at yõ̵̰ur ow̵̬͌n risk]
> [Continue]
[Cre̸͈̊a̷͒͜t̷̹͝ing a pö̸̭r̸͙̎tal…]
[10%]
‘X you really better hurry upp…‘ <
[32%̶̧̉]
> [Print (“hold on just a second longer.”)]
[58̵̦͌%]
‘Seriously! Gravitys off again, blocks are glitxhing’ <
> [Print (“im spawning the portal now. Do you see it?”)]
[7̷̤͛1%̶̺̀]
‘Oh! Yea i do. im flying towards it' <
> [Print (“The glitch is slowing the process I think”)]
‘the WHAT’ <
> [Print (“...dont freak out, but I think something's in there with you “)]
[9̶̱̒3̵͉̈%]
> [Print (“Almost there”)]
‘You cant drop this bombshell AFTER IM N THE SERVRE’ <
> [Print (“I didnt know then!”)]
[...]
> [Print (“oh no”)
> [Print (“Well thats a problem”)]
‘x What is it?!;!!?’ <
> [Print (“Its… stuck. “)]
‘....’ <
‘you mean the portal, the only way I can get out of a actively disintegrating server, is STUCK’ <
[92̸̢̈́%]
> [Print (“nonpnono whys it going down”)]
‘xisumaaaa u better fix this’ <
> [Print (“Maybe if you helped it would be quicker!”)]
[92%̶̙̾...]
‘Got my own problems here, but fine’ <
> [Print (“hang on i gotta make u an admin first”)]
> [cmd (“/op Grian”)]
[Made Grian a server operator]
‘thx’ <
[9̶̖͊4%]
> [Print (“Yes!”)]
‘Its working?’ <
> [Print (“yeaa we need tokeep going”)]
> [Print (“Update on ur side?”)]
‘somewhat stabalising, still nt the best’ <
[97%̷̽ͅ]
‘gravity seems to be fixing itself’ <
> [Print (“Thats a great sign”)]
> [Print (“i seem to be experiencing less pushback as well”)]
[99%]
> [Print (“few more seconds!!!”)]
‘Stop typing and focus onhelping me!’ <
[100%]
[Portal spawned at 847, 75, -680]
> [Print (“Its done!”)
‘YESS FINALLY!!’ <
> [Print (“You should be safeish to enter now”)
‘only ish? Whatever any things better than this’ <
‘cya on the other side, hopefuly’ <
- - - - -
Hermitcraft Server Logs
Grian joined the game
<Mumbo> Thank gods
<Smallishbeans> Took u long enough
<Xisuma> Finally that's over
<GoodTimeWithScar> Yaaaay!
GoodTimeWithScar experienced kinetic energy
<GeminiTay> youv’e gotta be kidding me
<Grian> loL
<Grian> hey i kept the potion effect yay
Xisuma: Removed effect Resistance from Grian
<Grian> Awwww whyd u do that
<impulseSV> hate to ruin this joyous reunion
<impulseSV> but what are we going to do with the rift?
<Xisuma> It’s still there?
<Zedaph> Can confirm. Still there.
<Grian> ooooh no
<Xisuma> NOBODY is going near tht thing
<Xisuma> Alright?
<GoodTimeWithScar> finee
<Zedaph> Oki
<impulseSV> Yes dad
<Docm77> what about for experiments?
<iJevin> yes dad
<Xisuma> no. bad doc.
<Grian> yes dad
<GeminiTay> Yes dad
<Pearlescentmoon> yea dad
<Xisuma> ?!??.!!
<Xisuma> who starte dthis;!?
<ZombieCleo> I don't know what you mean dad
<Xisuma> Half of you ar older than me!
<cubfan135> your still our dad, dad
<Xisuma> No
<Xisuma> No i am now
<Xisuma> nOT I MEAN NOT
<Docm77> He confirms it!!!!
<Xisuma> nooooo im like the worst person to look up to
<Grian> Aww i had the adoption papers ready
<Xisuma> what
<Grian> don't ask
<ZombieCleo> huh.
<Xisuma> ANYWAY
<Xisuma> The rift will be terraformed over and is not to be interacted with without me present.
<Smallishbeans> Covering it up and pretending it doesn't exist. Nice.
<Skizzleman> works everu time!
<Xisuma> … It's too late in the season for this
<joehillssays> Ö a lazy xisuma???
<Grian> how did u do tht face
<joehillssays> A fish never tells its secrets
<GoodTimeWithScar> what
<Docm77> There's no way that's the correct saying
<ZombieCleo> …It's magician. magicians don't tell secrets.
<Smallishbeans> HOW DOD YOU EVEN GET FISH FROM THAT
<joehillssays> Ok so I swear I've heard that somewhere beforr
<Xisuma> I'm fine with doing nothing if yall just don't do anything stupid
Grian fell out of the world
<Mumbo> Oh come on!
<PearlescentMoon> HOW