Chapter Text
Josh doesn’t leave Tyler’s side through the next few weeks as the singer recovers from surgeries, blood loss and lung failure. He has blood infusions a couple of times a week to help him recover from the immense blood loss that lead to very acute anemia. The bullet that pieced his lungs and got stuck in his spinal cord was left there, a decision the doctors had to make, in order to prevent further damage. If they took it out, it might result with Tyler being paralyzed, so they decided it was better to leave it there.
Tyler stays in ICU for two weeks and a half and during those weeks the doctors try to remove him from ventilation. Each attempt ends with the singer choking and suffocating. He can’t breathe on his own, no matter how much he tries. His lungs simply don’t want to work.
He’s moved to a private room for recovery with only 20% of his lungs working. The big tube that went through his mouth is switched with a smaller one that goes through his nose and into his lungs. During the nights it’s replaces by an oxygen mask, because it’s more comfortable. His lungs depend on that oxygen to work and if removed he suffocates.
Josh does his best to keep Tyler’s mind off the terrifying diagnosis of being with not-functioning lungs, but the truth is that he’s absolutely scared out of his mind himself. He does as much research as he can about lung transplant and how to help someone who needs one, but there isn’t much he can do. Tyler is on the waiting list for a donor, but it could take a year or even a couple until he gets his lungs.
One of the things he stumbles upon while doing his research is the possibility of donating a part of a lung by someone who’s healthy. Like Josh. If Tyler agreed to it, Josh could be his donor and give him a part of his own healthy lungs. But something tells him that his friend won’t agree to that. Not if he knew the risks for the donor.
Josh could lose about 20 to 40 percent of his own lung function if he decided to be a live donor and that is enough of a reason for Tyler to say no. He still holds on to that option, in case things got really bad and they didn’t have any other choices.
The days drag slowly. They blur together , day after day of waiting for something to happen , for Tyler to get better , for something to change , but nothing happens. Tyler still can’t breathe without the cannula in his nose and pain in his chest. His ribs are broken by the bullet that went through his chest so everything hurts, from breathing to coughing and sneezing. He’s on painkillers, but he’s still not completely comfortable, especially during the nights when the pain hits him the hardest.
Josh tires to stay positive and give his friend as much emotional support as he can, but the truth is , he’s falling apart inside. He’s restless, unable to stop thinking about how unfair the whole thing is. How did Tyler deserve all of this ? Where did he go wrong to have all of this coming his way ? Josh doesn’t understand and every time he does try to understand he’s left even more angry and sad than before.
Helplessness is the worst. Josh holds Tyler’s hand while the brunette coughs and coughs and coughs, unable to take a breath even though he’s given additional oxygen. The coughing hurts , but he can’t stop because he can’t take enough breath. So he coughs until tears run down his face and the coughs turn to sobs.
Josh watches and feels pain in every single cell of his body, because he can’t do anything, he can’t help Tyler. All he can do is be there for him, holding his hand and telling him it’s going to be okay, this will pass.
It does pass after a while and they lay in Tyler’s bed, one headphone in each ear and cuddle, listening to music.
“ I miss singing “ Tyler says as they lay face to face on his bed, listening to the rain tap sadly on the window, almost as if it’s begging to be allowed inside.
“ I miss hearing you sing too “ Josh answers and opens his eyes to see Tyler staring at him with his deep brown ones. “ I miss performing “
“ I miss seeing you beat the shit out of your drums “ Tyler adds and swallows thickly “ I miss hearing the crowd singing our lyrics back at us. I miss holding their hands and hearing them sing their hearts out “ Tyler says with a lot of bitterness in his voice and tears in his downcast eyes. Josh feels the rush of tears in his own eyes, because he misses those things just as much and it hurts, God it hurts.
“ Yeah, me too “ he says and grabs Tyler’s hand in his “ You’re not giving up are you ?. “ the question is left unanswered , because Tyler quietly cries into his pillow which is an answer enough. “ I’m not giving up, okay? I’m never giving up “ Josh says and lets Tyler crawl close to him and cry in his chest instead of the pillow.
They have many nights like this one, talking crying, reminiscing , dreaming, hoping. Josh never stops saying that one day they will take the stage again, just like they did when Tyler was healthy. He’ll get a new lung and will be able to sing again. He’ll recover and leave the oxygen tank behind . He’ll be okay.
Josh says that every day, stubbornly hoping that it will come true. Miracles happen every day right ? Josh has to believe that, he has to have hope.
Tyler is discharged from the hospital after a month of painful and difficult recovery. He takes the oxygen tank with him , along with instructions how to use it and to never leave his house without it. Not that Tyler could anyway. He loses his breath just from speaking and walking requires frequent stops and rest.
Josh starts going to church every Sunday. He kneels by his bed every night before he goes to sleep, hands clasped tightly together and a prayer on his lips. God can’t leave Tyler , not when he needs His help so badly. Josh prays for Tyler to get better and begs God to give him strength to carry on fighting. Just this time, please, God, just help me this one time and I will never ask anything from you. Will do anything you want, anything you require me to do, just please, please heal Tyler. Please heal him.
There is not a single night that Josh falls asleep without a prayer, but it seems like none of them are heard. Tyler doesn’t get better and if anything, he gets worse as days go by. The lack of oxygen damages his kidneys and it soon brings him back to the hospital and puts him in bed for weeks.
Josh keeps going to church every Sunday. He kneels in front of the isle, hands clasped together tightly , heart squeezed even tighter by the pain of seeing his best friend slowly falling apart. He prays. He prays for God to give him the strength to be there for Tyler and help him through this.
When he goes back to the hospital the doctor greets him with s grim expression.
“ He’s running out of time “ the man says and makes Josh shake his head and rub his eyes furiously.
“ How time much do you think he has left ? “ Josh asks with shaking voice and rubs the tears away from his face
“ It’s difficult to tell. A couple of months, maybe a year if his body can survive it. “ Josh can’t stop himself from crying even if he was the strongest person on Earth. “ I’m sorry “ the doctors says and squeezes Josh’s shoulder.
“ W-what can we do ? Please, tell me there’s something we can do “ Josh blurts out through the pain that grips his entire body.
“ Pray that he gets new lungs before it’s too late. “ Pray. How much more ? How much praying will it take for God to hear him ? He has been praying for months on end and still nothing happens.
This time when Josh goes to Tyler’s room and lies down next to him it’s the singer who tells him everything is going to be okay. It’s usually the other way around, but it’s almost as if his friend can feel his devastation and sadness.
They hug quietly and in that silence Josh finds the strength to keep on fighting. He manages to find hope in Tyler’s ragged breathing and his warm embrace. Against all odds. Against all logic. Josh hopes.