Chapter Text
Someone softly knocked on the door to Noli's office. The gentle raps on the wood disturbed the quiet of the dark room and roused the suspicions of the old god sitting on his desk.
"Come in." He said, making the person on the other end of the door reveal themselves to him.
The door opened, revealing ASPX holding a seven year old Dignity by his back. Almost pushing him forward.
"One of our children, Dignity, would like to speak with you, my lord."
It's calm and robotic voice only hightened the anxiety on the young boy's face. Noli could see little beads of sweat forming on his brow. His face scrunching up, trying to stay collected during this entire charade and failing miserably.
Noli smiled at the sight. He reached his hand out. "Come here, my child."
Dignity stepped forward and immediately stopped, entirely transfixed at the sight in front of him. ASPX slammed the door shut behind him, breaking him of his stupor. Noli's hand remained where it was, ready for him to take it.
He walked up and finally placed his hand in Noli's, he squeezed it tight. And for a second, A flash of terror crossed Dignity's eyes. Like he'd just put his hand in a trap that refused to let go of him.
He looked up, only to find Noli's kind and patient smile staring back up at him.
"What seems to be the problem, dear?"
Dignity's brain shut down for a moment, completely forgetting the reason he came here in the first place. Noli was so perfect compared to him, a lowly mortal. He never knelt down to his level while talking to him. Leaving Dignity to crane his neck up to the heavens to meet his eyes. A king and his peasant. A farmer and his crops.
He finally managed to get air into his lungs to form a response. "I've got a question for you, father."
Noli tilted his head, he grabbed Dignity with both his arms. Lifting him up to his chest with ease. It was almost as if Dignity were a stuffed animal to play with and discard to his leisure.
"That can wait. I have something to show you."
Noli sat down at his desk, placing Dignity in his lap as he opened multiple drawers full of papers; Legal documents, construction costs, taxes... lawsuits. Things a seven year old boy wouldn't understand. All splayed out for him to see.
"This is all I do for you. The price I pay for our salvation."
Dignity didn't know that Noli wasn't the one signing those papers. He didn't even know what they meant or what they did. He just stared at them in awe and compliance. The sheer number of them was overwhelming.
Noli placed his hands on Dignity's shoulders. He brought his head close to his ear.
"No one in this world is ever going to love you like I do. Not your friends, not The Elders, nobody. I love you more than any of them combined. Do you understand?"
He whispered, Dignity shivered and wrapped his arms around his stomach. Chills ran up his spine and left him cold all over his body.
"Yes father."
Noli let him off his lap and continued to sit on his chair. Like a king on his throne. "What question did you want to ask me?"
Dignity grasped both his hands together tightly. His legs shook and his lips quivered. The question lingering at the tip of his tongue was so potent- so 𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵, he felt like it could shatter walls. Shake cities.
Dignity swallowed, he couldn't meet Noli's eyes as he released the bomb strapped to his mouth.
"Why do we never participate in any celebrations? Zuka told me he used to open presents under a tree before he got here."
The air thickened around them. Noli didn't say anything. He continued to look down on Dignity from his chair. A makeshift throne. Dignity could not see his face from beyond his masks, but he could feel the scorn coming off him. His glare melting into his skin and down to the bone.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, Noli spoke.
"You dare question your faith?"
Dignity tensed up, he felt like his knees were about to buckle and collapse from beneath him.
"What? No, No! That's not what I meant, no!-"
"After all I've done for you?"
Noli stood up and and calmly walked towards Dignity, hands behind his back. Voice and body still and unreadable. Face completely obscured from view.
"I save you from the apocalypse, teach you right from wrong, and this is how you repay me? This is how you repay your family?"
Tears started to prick Dignity's eyes. Noli scoffed and stepped forward.
"You're seven years old. Almost 12, a grown boy, and you're acting like a child. Don't do that. It makes you weak."
He took another step forward.
"Pathetic."
Dignity's vision began to swim. Fuzzy colors, shapes, and lines moved around his eyes. Quickly, slowly, and everything in between.
"Are you not strong enough to fully believe in our teachings? To trust that what I do is best for the world? Our community?"
Dignity's legs finally collapsed in on themselves. He fell to the floor, his hands and knees to the ground.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to..." He muttered. His body twitched and convulsed. Like a freshly killed bug. He panted like he'd just ran a marathon when he'd really only taken just about two steps.
Noli took another step forward. Close enough to reach Dignity if he just extended his arms out. Dignity backed away. Instinctually, primally, like a wounded animal.
"Don't- don't hurt me. Please. Don't- don't 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘦 me. I don't want to be cleansed."
Noli sighed. "Come here, my child."
Dignity did as he was told, still afraid of the god in front of him. Noli hoisted him up and brought him back to his chair.
"I'm not mad at you Dignity. I'm disappointed. I believed you had a good understanding of what it took to be a good child of The Void, and you proved me wrong." Noli stroked his head as Dignity buried his face into his cloak.
"I will not cleanse you for this, Dignity. But know this: I am disappointed for a very good reason. The outside world is a dark and dangerous place to live in. The people there will lure you in with worldly desires only to hurt you afterwards. Holidays are worldly pleasures that corrupt the soul. You must stay away from them and anything worldly. That's why I made this church. For your salvation."
He released Dignity from his tight hold and tilted his chin up to look up at him. "This hurts me more than it hurts you. I do this because I love you. Understand?"
Dignity nodded, the guilt written on his face made something in Noli feel right. He relished in it. Taking in the sight of a boy who absolutely adored him. One that would do anything to make his dear father proud.
He embraced Dignity in a hug that felt more suffocating than comforting. As Dignity breathed heavily into his chest, and fought the tears building up in his eyes, he could hear Noli croon out a single phrase.
"Tomorrow is another day Dignity~ Tomorrow is another day~"
Dignity was off of Noli's lap after a good amount of time. He was directed to leave at Noli's request, visibly shaken up and exhausted.
ASPX walked into the room. Noli put both his hands on his chin. Thinking.
"ASPX?"
"Yes, my lord?"
"Start planning and discussing with the others about separating the new recruits from the homeborn members. Education, lunch hours, labor, everything."
ASPX bowed. It's movements clear and precise. "I'll start right away, my lord."
It closed the door from behind itself. Noli smiled as it left. In enough time, Dignity wouldn't be questioning the church's authority. He would be walking alongside The Elders like all the other homeborn children would one day. Another cog in the wheel of the system. Rolling on and on and on until the end of everything as he knew it.
The cycle repeats itself. Over and over until the end of time.
As it should be. As it always would be.
Noli straightened the tie on the itchy new clothes Dignity was wearing. Black dress pants, a white buttoned shirt, a jacket, and some uncomfortable looking shoes. Noli had given him a tie alongside the new dress wear, but Dignity had never even seen a tie before he was suddenly selected to go to this college.
In an almost fatherly gesture, Noli had given the tie a final tug and put his hand on Dignity's shoulder.
"Are you ready now? You look a little nervous."
Dignity had been sweating as soon as he met with Noli to get dressed and discuss the trip in detail. He'd been rocking back and forth on both his legs just to get the nerves out of his system to very little success.
His eyes drifted down to his hands. "Yes. I've just- ...I've never been so far from home."
Dignity had never left the premises of the settlement before. A small part of him always wondered what the outside world looked like. The only thing he got as reference were Zuka's stories and the church's warnings. But now, he'd finally be seeing it for the first time. Experiencing what it had to offer. After years of people telling him that the outside world was a dark and dangerous place. He'd be out there, facing it head on.
Noli smiled "Well, you won't be the only one out there. Zuka's coming with you! He'll keep you company. Make sure you don't go crazy."
The corners of Dignity's mouth slightly turned up. That was one part of this trip he liked and was actually looking forward to. An entire extended period of time that he and Zuka would be spending alone together. That was heaven to him.
Noli squeezed his shoulder, "Do you know why I chose you to go on this mission, Dignity?"
Dignity could feel his eyes widening, an action he felt was awfully childish and mentally made fun of himself for. He shook his head, refusing to say anything. It was better not to talk on the off chance he says something stupid and embarrasses himself.
Noli smiled gently "Because I trust you. You're one of the strongest people I know, Dignity. I believe you can handle being in such a..." He struggled to find the right words to describe it. "𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 environment."
Dignity's face flushed, flattered, and a little guilty. He was 15 years old now. He and Zuka had been continuing their "illegal music" nights for 3 years now and nobody knew about it. A small part of him still held some doubt, he wasn't quite sure whether or not he was as ready for this as Noli said. He still had so many questions about this mission. The reason why he and Zuka were being sent out to this college wasn't disclosed to him yet. And at this point, Dignity had learned that you didn't ask questions here. Noli and the elders always said that they were open to questions. But any time someone asked one, they always ended up getting lectured and accused of being weak. Unable to follow the doctrine.
So Dignity just smiled and nodded, just as he was trained to do. "Thank you, father."
Noli stepped back, he took one last good look at him and nodded. "Remember, once you get to the main office, the people there will ask you for a first and last name. Your last name is Cole. You will answer to the name Dignity Cole for the foreseeable future."
"Yes father."
As Dignity was about to leave the office, Noli grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back.
"One last thing."
He turned Dignity around to face him, and lifted his chin up to look at him with a small bony finger.
"Don't forget, I love you."
And although Noli looked into Dignity's eyes. Through them, Dignity could tell Noli was looking into his own.
Dignity left shortly after that, he exchanged a small hug with Noli before shutting the door on his way out. He wanted to say something else, to maybe say "I'll miss you" or "I love you too." But he was afraid that if he turned back now, he would start shaking and crying. Holding on to Noli for dear life. He didn't want to show that side of himself. He didn't want to prove that he was just as weak as he was when he was 7.
So Dignity didn't say anything. Dignity didn't get to hear Noli wish him well. He just left. With the hope that maybe, with this trip, he would finally make Noli proud. He would finally show that he was strong enough to deal with the apocalypse. He had finally grown up. Became a man.
ASPX stepped into Noli's office as soon as Dignity left.
"My lord, why are we sending those boys away?"
Noli sighed immediately as Dignity shut the door, persona off. "The admins are on our tail again. They're getting suspicious. If I send a couple of kids to school, it'll show them that nothing's going on here."
ASPX tilted it's head, "Won't the boys be influenced by outside sources while there?"
Noli waved his servant off, "I've drilled it into their heads since they could appear at church. They aren't even going to think about talking to someone else over there unless it's for recruitment."
He checked his hands, bored. "The two will keep each other in check. Make sure they're following the rules and what not."
"ASPX- They're kids. I've told them a million times that the outside world is dangerous. They're not going to listen to anyone else. I've got them looped around my finger."
ASPX tilted it's head. It's honesty shined through to anyone, even it's creator. "I would still be careful, my lord. Bringing children into these environments completely unregulated could cause them to-"
Noli cut it off. Voice deep and grave."I know what I'm doing. I am a god. Get out of my office. Now."
ASPX did as it was told. Leaving the room immediately. Noli sighed and sat back in his chair. Those boys loved him so much. He was their god, their savior. They spent their whole lives trying to make him proud of them. Their entire worlds revolved around him. He was all that mattered to them.
They were stuck to him forever. A small trip to school was never going to change that. His presence would haunt them until the day they died.
Even when he wasn't there in the first place.
Dignity sat on the lobby's couch, holding on to his arms in a kind of self hug as he waited for the clock to strike noon and send him into round. He replayed yesterday's conversation with 7n7 over and over and over again in his head, cringing a little.
He gave too much of himself away again. Made himself too vulnerable. He was practically ripping out his heart and placing it into 7n7's palm, waiting for him to crush it. Any sort of strength that Dignity had built up over the years melted away in Seven's presence. And that feeling terrified him.
Dignity was supposed to be strong, he wasn't supposed to show too much of himself away. He was an adult now, and adults didn't need to be comforted and pat on the back. Adults weren't supposed to show weakness. Adults were not supposed to cry.
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦.
𝘚𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥?
That push and pull was driving him crazy. He knew that the morals the church instilled on to him were wrong, but he still followed them anyways. Every time he woke up, he fought the urge to get on his knees and pray. Every time a killer had it's hands on his throat in a round, he fought the urge to scream. It was purely instinctual. Like he was a robot and the need to follow the church's orders was written into his code. Affecting every little part of how he functioned.
He still remembered that conversation he had with Autumn yesterday.
"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶."
Dignity dug his nails into his arms and into his flesh, leaving crescent shaped marks in his skin. He hated it. He hated Autumn, he hated the church, he hated Seven, he hated getting close to him, he hated getting farther away, he hated leaving the church, he hated staying, and most of all, he hated himself. He wanted to tear himself into pieces, rip out the bad parts of himself and keep the good. Forget about the church and move on with his life like nothing ever happened.
But his brain would never ever let him forget what happened to him. It would always remind him of where he belonged, where he came from. His stupid, horrible, fucked up brain he wished he could just rip to shreds and-
"Hello? Dignity? Are you listening to me?"
Dignity's head snapped up to meet 007n7's gaze. His hand placed on his shoulder. Face weary, concerned, and maybe even a little confused. Dignity immediately let go of his arms. The wet warmth underneath his nails was not lost him. He sighed as the tip of his thumb brushed across them, slightly painting it red.
"You look... Tense." His gaze fell towards Dignity's bleeding arms. The crescent shaped marks welling up with blood.
"Are you ok?"
Dignity looked away, he couldn't look at Seven's face. Something about him always made him want to open up, made him feel safe and hidden. If he looked up at him now and saw 7n7's face, it would be over for him. He couldn't handle seeing him so worried. He didn't want to crack under pressure. Make his worst fears come true.
He didn't say anything. He didn't even turn to look at Seven. He just sat there in complete silence. Almost like he was pretending Seven didn't exist.
Seven sighed and left the couch, and for a second, Dignity was afraid he had angered him. That he'd given up on him and was leaving him for good. Until the couch dipped beside him, Dignity turned his head back in surprise.
Seven was sitting there again, holding a medkit. "I uh... Thought you might need some help. We've got uh... A couple of hours until the next round."
Dignity held out his arms as Seven healed his wounds. They weren't anything too severe. Some disinfectant and a few bandaids were able to get the job done. But to Dignity, it was so much more than that. Seven had just seen him hurt himself, watched Dignity completely ignore him and isolate himself after a seemingly good night yesterday. How was he supposed to explain that? Seven wouldn't understand. He was alone here.
7n7 tried to hold a conversation, even if he could notice that Dignity wasn't paying attention at all. He was in his own world, detached from anything else happening. He paused his own sentence. Something was wrong. He just knew it.
"Did... Something happen yesterday? While I was gone?"
Dignity turned his head up a little, just enough to barely meet 7n7's eyes. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to break himself down into a million different pieces.
But none of that turmoil slipped past his lips. And although he wanted to show it so badly, Dignity was a man, an adult. And adults weren't supposed to be weak. That part of his brain would always win over everything else. Because that's what he was taught. That's what he would always default to.
So Dignity didn't say what he was thinking, what he really felt. He said what he was programmed to say.
"No... I'm ok."
Seven frowned, and Dignity felt like his heart had broken in two.
Seven let go of his arms, "I... Ok. I'll see you in the round, Dignity."
He left the couch again, and this time, he didn't come back.
And while one side of Dignity was satisfied, the other side screamed. Longing for something more. Leaving a hole where his heart should've been.
He stayed like that. Sitting on the couch, paying attention to nobody but himself. Wallowing in his own pity and self hatred. Until the clock struck 12 and his vision faded into darkness. Sending him into a new round.
"I don't get it. I just don't get it!"
007n7 paced around the kitchen while Elliot made pizzas for the upcoming round. He's done it for such a long time, he's got it down to a rhythm at this point; dough, rolling pin, toss, sauce, cheese, pepperoni, bake, repeat, take out the oven.
"We were doing so well yesterday. He looked so happy, like he had it all figured out. What happened?"
Elliot momentarily stopped his routine. "What happened yesterday?"
Seven stopped pacing, "What?"
"I said what happened yesterday?"
7n7 wracked his brain, trying to remember yesterday's events and conversation.
"Well, I asked to come to dinner with us and he spaced out for a second. He does that a lot. Then he smiled REALLY widely. Like- it covered his entire face kind of wide. And he insisted that he could come to dinner. I asked him twice and he said yes, both times, really enthusiastically. It creeped me out a little, honestly."
Elliot turned around and put his hands on his hips, "He smiled really widely?"
"Yeah! It almost looked like-"
Seven completely stopped in his tracks. His blood ran cold, and all the color drained out of his face.
"Are you sure he wasn't manic?"
Seven shivered "I- I don't know."
Elliot huffed and took the pizza out of the oven. "That kid's been through a lot, I can tell. He's a special case too, with the cult and all. Trauma like that isn't going to resolve itself in one day with one conversation. You tend to swing back and forth a bit between your good days and bad days. Have you tried talking to him about that?"
Seven looked down at his arm, "Well- no. He seemed fine yesterday and he didn't want to talk to me today. There was something wrong, I could tell, but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable."
Elliot sighed and placed the pizza in box, which he then transferred to his bag. "Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zones. Considering how... In denial Dignity is about all of this. He's not going to figure this out on his own without a little confrontation. Maybe talk to him after the round is over. He sounds like he could use some help."
Elliot was just about to leave when Seven stopped him before he could even make it past the door.
"How do you know all of this?"
Elliot looked down at the ground. He held his pizza bag tightly against his shoulder.
"My father's a good man. A very smart man. Always knew what to say and what to do."
He sniffled a little, "I miss him."
Then he left. Leaving Seven completely alone in the kitchen. With a friend slowly melting down in the lobby. And a friend who he wasn't quite sure he was still even friends with him leaving him.
He stared blankly into space, pondering, and pondering, and pondering until the round started.
𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙'𝙨 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨...
𝙉𝙤𝙡𝙞
There was something different about this round compared to the other ones. Something 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 that penetrated through the air and made the whole world feel like poison. Made the air feel toxic and set people's nerves alight. Dignity was able to feel that before he even opened his eyes. He had barely been spawned in, sprawled out on the ground, the dewy green grass at his finger tips. And he could already feel that something was horribly 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 through his bones. In his guts. And all the way down into his soul.
Then, he stood up and opened his eyes.
"No..."
He froze.
"No no no nonononono-"
One large familiar statue holding a sword stood in front of him. A massive building behind it. One Dignity could easily recognize to be a temple. The main temple specifically. The statue didn't have eyes. Hell, it didn't even have a face. But Dignity knew it was looking down on him. Angry and disappointed. Like 𝘩𝘦 always was. No matter what he did.
He fell to his knees, his vision blurring in and out of focus. Everything around him; the faint hum of the generators, the sound of the whistling wind, and even the voice and footsteps of a certain familiar survivor all faded away into white noise. The only thing that existed right now was Dignity and the statue.
When he looked up, he realized that he had been accidentally bowing down to the statue. He gagged and immediately slapped a hand over his mouth as tears started to prick his eyes. He almost threw up at the thought of that.
"Dignity? Dignity! What are you doing? What happened?! We have to go!"
Seven dropped down to his knees and tried to lift Dignity up by the shoulder. They didn't have a lot of time. This was a brand new environment, one he hadn't seen before. If Dignity stayed like this, then he was practically a sitting duck. A free kill for whoever the killer was.
But no matter how much 7n7 tried to pull him up, Dignity just couldn't get on his feet. His entire body went limp, like he'd been turned to stone. Seven wasn't even sure if Dignity was even listening to him. His eyes looked so foggy, like he was stuck in a trance.
The sound of an oncoming train cut through the air.
"𝙔𝙊𝙐!"
That broken glitchy voice was what finally broke Dignity out of his trance. But by then, it was already too late.
Before Dignity could even blink, a large bony hand rushed forward and grabbed him by the neck. Pushing 7n7 out of the way and pulling Dignity up against his face.
"𝙔𝙊𝙐 INSOLENT 𝘽𝙍𝘼𝙏! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME! 𝙃𝙊𝙒 𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙀 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘿𝙄𝙎𝙊𝘽𝙀𝙔 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙁𝘼𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍!"
His grip on Dignity's neck slightly faultered as he waved him around like a puppet.
"You are not my father!-"
He threw Dignity on to the ground. Only to grab him by the neck again and force him onto his knees. He brought Dignity close to him again. From here, Dignity could see everything about him. And for a second, he forgot how to breathe.
This was Noli. He knew that from the second he got his hands on him. But this wasn't the version of Noli that he had come to know. His once silky pristine robes were ripped and tattered. Covered in so much dirt and soil, they were permanently discolored into a dark muddy purple. His masks were cracked and dusty. And his hands were so skinny, they were practicing all bone. No fat, no muscle.
"𝘿𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙤𝙙𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮'𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣?"
He asked, in such a sickeningly calm and sweet tone, it terrified Dignity to his core. He couldn't muster up an answer.
"THEY DIE!"
He ripped off both of his masks. Revealing the half rotten skull underneath. One half still had muscle barely clinging on to his head, practically turning into liquid mush, while the other side was already turned to bone. The smell of rotting and decaying flesh made Dignity cough and made his eyes burn. He could've sworn he saw worms and maggots burrow into the flesh.
Dignity didn't get the chance to process what he'd just seen because he was quickly thrown on to the ground again. Noli pinned him down with his foot and watched him squirm. Trying to get out of his hold.
Noli produced some kind of star in his hands. So bright, it's glow almost blinded Dignity's eyes.
He laughed, "See Dignity? This is what happens when we can't follow orders."
He threw the star onto Dignity's body. It burst on impact, and for a moment, all Dignity could see was the color white. Then came the pain, a horrible scorching hot pain all over his body. He felt like he was being cooked alive. The fire roasting every single part of him, inside and out. He could feel his bones break from the pressure. If Dignity screamed, he wouldn't have known. The explosion was all he could hear. And even then, it still wouldn't have mattered because all he could focus on was his burning body. The fire and brimstone that danced up and down his legs up into his stomach, hands, arms, and face, and sneaked its way into every little crevice of his body.
When the white finally faded away from his eyes, Dignity heard a loud ringing in his ears. He could still feel the burning ache all over his body. Noli no longer had Dignity pinned down underneath him. He got a sense of amusement from watching Dignity try to get up. Watching him try to conjure up the strength to use his arms and legs and stand, even if the slightest movement caused him severe pain, like there were pins needles all over his body that dug into every part of him if he so much as moved his hand. It was almost as if Noli had crushed Dignity like a bug. That certainly fit how he felt. Dignity had never felt so helpless before. His fate so entirely in the hands of another person that wanted nothing more than to squash him.
He looked down at his arms, he could already feel the tears starting to roll down his cheeks. He didn't even seem to have skin on them anymore. They were entirely boiling pink flesh coated in so much blood, more than Dignity had ever seen in his entire life.
Dignity strained his voice, he could hardly talk.
"S- S- Sev- Sev- S- S- Seven-"
Noli laughed, "Oh Dignity! You could never stay away from outside filth! Your friend isn't coming to save you, look at him!"
He grabbed Dignity by the back of his shirt and showed him what 7n7 was doing. He was running around the field wildly. Dodging non-existent enemies and weaving around the run down buildings.
Hallucinations, Dignity thought, he let out a whimper. A slight choking noise.
Noli laughed again, harder. "Aww. Are you gonna cry? Men don't cry, Dignity! How many times have I had to tell you this? Actually, let's see what your dear friend will think of you like this! I wonder if he'll even still like you. You were never the prettiest boy in church!"
He snapped his fingers, the hallucinations he'd made all disappeared, leaving Seven confused for a moment. Then he turned around.
The way his eyes widened would be stuck in Dignity's head forever. He let out a bloodcurdling scream and fell to his knees. Dignity barely looked human to him anymore. He was more akin to a mangled piece of bait on a fish hook than a person.
He managed to get the air into his lungs and say something.
"Your teleport! Use your teleport ability!"
Noli whipped his head around "Do not use your teleport, boy."
Dignity weakly nodded immediately. He could never say no to Noli, ever.
Noli carried him over to 7n7. Dangling Dignity in the air like a toy. Almost like he was baiting him. Rubbing it in his face.
He threw Dignity on to the ground in front of him and 7n7. This time, he didn't need to hold him down. He knelt down in front of him, like an executioner about to deliver the final blow.
"You were always so weak. Never strong enough to follow me or the doctrine, always had to ask questions and whine like a baby." He laughed "You were so weak, you couldn't even handle the outside world for a year! Wanted to run away from home- from ME the second you learned what was out there!"
He pushed Dignity's chin up to look at him. He liked doing that. He liked the rush he got from seeing the fear in his eyes.
"But that's ok."
Dignity's lips quivered.
"We've got plenty of time to fix that."
Tears started to prick at his eyes, until they started rolling down his cheeks. Noli laughed and wiped one tear off of Dignity's bloody face.
"You're mine forever. Always have been, always will be."
He let go of Dignity, allowing him to fall to the ground. He rolled him to the side of his body, facing towards 7n7, still on his hands and knees. Looking so incredibly remorseful, like this wasn't the first time something like this had happened.
Noli smiled, he looked directly into his eyes as he crushed Dignity's head from beneath his foot.
Red. That was all 7n7 could see. Red. A color he had grown to hate. It was the color of the GUI that ruined his life. The color of his son's skin. The color of Dignity's shirt. And now, it was the color of Dignity's blood as it pooled onto the ground underneath his head. As it splattered on to Seven's hands and coated Dignity's crushed head. All except for the tear tracks running down his face.
His eyes stayed glued on to Dignity's head. The image would never leave his mind and chase him into his dreams. After what felt like forever, he finally looked up into Noli's eyes, hoping for an answer, some sign of remorse. But all he got was that same smile, and after enough time, he finally spoke.
"How many children will you have to bury, 007n7?"
That was the last thing he heard before the chase started up again. The cycle repeats itself. Over and over until the end of time.
As it should be. As it always would be.
When Dignity woke up, he was in Autumn again. Except, was something was different. No- A LOT of things were different. The sky had changed from its dreamy periwinkle purple to a dark night sky. He couldn't find Autumn anywhere either.
Then he looked down.
The flowers had changed, drastically.
The golden yellow flowers and the bluebells were gone. Even the lilies of the valley were gone. The only flower that remained was the red spider lily. It covered all the ground in this place. To the point where it started to choke out and replace the grass. Blanketing the entire world blood red.
It was starting to grow up now. It started making its way past Dignity's ankles and was starting to go up to his knees.
Dignity tried to push through the red foliage. But the red flowers and their stems were so thick and heavy, trying to push through them was nearly impossible.
Why are they like that? They shouldn't be like that!
"Autumn! Autumn help me!" Dignity cried, the flowers had grown all the way up to his waist now. They'd trapped him, he could barely even move, and Autumn was nowhere in sight.
Just then, he saw it, Autumn on its podium. He rushed towards it with all his might. His feet started to ache as he made the climb over to Autumn. He was starting to push through the flowers with his hands. They were just below his chest now.
Touching the marble of the podium was like a breath of fresh air to Dignity, but his demeanor quickly changed when he looked up and finally saw the stone angel.
"Autumn! You have to help me! Please- I-"
The angel didn't say anything, it didn't even look down to meet his eyes. It just stood there. It's arms spread out and in the air, staring at absolutely nothing in particular.
And that's when it hit him.
This wasn't his Autumn.
It was Autumn, but not the one he'd come to know. It was just a statue. A cold unfeeling statue. Looking out endlessly into the void. Unable to hear him cry or scream his lungs out.
Dignity was just barely able to touch it's foot. Nothing.
His heart had dropped to his stomach. There was nothing Dignity could do anymore. Nothing he could do to save himself from the rapidly growing flowers that had already reached his neck, and were beginning to swallow him whole. Nobody was coming to save him.
He stared on at the statue in horror, hoping for any sign of life. For any sort of sign that he could possibly be saved. Until the flowers had reached his head and completely engulfed him.
The last thing he saw before he blacked out was the color red. Everything. Everything was just red.
When 007n7 woke back up at the lobby, he immediately knew what to do.
"Dignity? Dignity! Where are you?!"
He searched the lobby up and down for any signs of the boy. The dining room, the kitchen, upstairs. He had almost convinced himself to go to Dignity's cabin before he finally checked the fireplace.
"Dignity?"
Dignity sat in front of the fireplace. Hugging his legs into a little protective ball. He was so close to pit, Seven was starting to worry that he'd burn himself.
He took a few steps closer. Afraid to startle him.
Dignity didn't even turn around to look at him. He stared blankly at the fire.
"I'm never going to escape him."
The cadence of his voice broke 7n7's heart into a million pieces. He seemed so scared, yet so tired at the same time. Like he'd just watched his dreams get crushed right in front of him.
"Every time I think I'm safe or I've gotten away... He comes back. I'm stuck to him. I'm stuck to that cult!"
His voice broke at the end there, he stopped himself from talking and swiped at his eyes. Because he knew that if he kept talking, he would break completely. And Dignity just couldn't do that.
He looked at his hand as he brought it away from his face. "I'm not supposed to care." His throat closed up, and he slightly choked. "I'm not supposed to feel this way." He stared back into the fire, almost like he was envying it in a way. Fear turned to agony and fury. "Why can't I ever just get away from it all?! Every decision I make, everything I say, every thought I fucking think- they influence it! They got into my head and I can't get them out!"
He finally turned around to meet 7n7. The anger in him died out as soon as soon as he met his eyes. Like a flame being extinguished
"I- I don't know why I'm like this."
He fell on to his knees.
"I don't want to be like this anymore."
He stared blankly at the floor. His eyes welling up with tears. But he didn't let them fall. Even to this very moment, he could never let them fall.
After standing there like a statue. Listening to Dignity pour his heart out again and collapse right in front of him. Seven extended his arms out for Dignity to see. He could only say one thing, and hope that it could somehow make things better.
"Dignity... Come here."
Dignity ran up and embraced 7n7 in a hug. The tears were still stuck to his eyes as he held on to Seven for dear life. Like he was anchoring him down and keeping him grounded to reality.
"It's ok to cry here. I promise."
The tears finally started rolling down Dignity's face. He let out a choked whimper, that was all it took for the dam to break. He sobbed his eyes out for Seven to see. Fearfully, almost apologetically. That fear was still there. The fear of being judged, being invalidated. Being weak.
But 7n7 didn't say anything. He just kept holding Dignity in place. Rubbing circles against his back in hopes of calming him down. Seven didn't care of Dignity was weak for a moment.
And that's when Dignity realized.
Seven didn't care if he was weak at all. If he didn't live up to an expectation. If he hadn't sorted through all of his problems yet.
And that made him feel so much safer.
He passed out in his arms. Safe and protected. There was nothing he had to worry about in Seven's arms.
When Dignity woke up again, it was pitch black, and he was back in his cabin. He moved his arms around a little to get his bearings, and felt the soft linen sheets and the fluffy blanket that 7n7 had changed for him when he first got here. He smiled a little at the memory. Seven must have tucked him into bed.
He turned around and closed his eyes. Trying to go back to sleep.
One minute had passed. Dignity turned a different direction.
Two minutes had passed. Dignity turned into another direction.
Then three. Dignity laid face down against his pillow and groaned
After an hour of tossing and turning, Dignity had concluded that he wasn't going to get any sleep that night. He looked at the clock on his nightstand.
2 AM... Will he even want me there at 2 AM?
He fought himself on what to do. A part of him wanted to get up and go to Seven's cabin in hopes that maybe he could do something about this. But another part of him didn't want to disturb him. He had a long day today too, and quite possibly another one in the morning.
He laid in bed for a while, thinking. He didn't have much of a choice now did he?
Dignity got out of bed and stretched his arms. Ready to make the trek to Seven's cabin. He walked on over to his door, twisted the doorknob open, and...
Immediately jumped back and closed it.
It was freezing out there! Dignity didn't know that the temperature would be so low this early in the morning. And he was in a T-shirt of all things!
He stood back and pondered if this was really the best course of action.
Well, either I deal with the cold for a bit. Or I don't sleep at all.
Dignity mentally prepared himself and took a deep breath. Then he opened the door once again.
He walked out of his cabin and closed the door immediately. He practically speed walked all the way to Seven's cabin. Holding himself in a hug to keep some warmth.
He knocked on the door.
After a few agonizing minutes, the door opened. And Dignity was greeted to the sight of 7n7 in his pajamas, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, looking somewhat concerned, and somewhat bewildered.
"Dignity? What are you doing out here? It's-" He looked back inside his cabin. "2 AM! It's freezing- come inside."
Dignity immediately went inside 7n7's cabin. It didn't really hit him until he was in there that he'd never really gone into Seven's cabin. Every time the two hung out after rounds, Seven was the one who always came to Dignity's cabin. Not the other way around.
It looked just like his own except a little messier. He'd very clearly spent a lot more time in this world than Dignity had. His nightstand and shelves also contained pictures. Mostly of him and his son c00lkidd. The photo album he'd shown him a while back rested neatly beside a framed picture of him and the little boy. It filled Dignity with a sense of melancholy if he had to admit.
007n7 closed the door and Dignity snapped out of his thoughts. "I couldn't sleep..."
"You... Couldn't sleep?" He asked, somewhat confused.
"No, I just woke and couldn't go back to sleep. I dunno, this is really dumb. I'll just go back to my-"
Seven laughed, "Hey- Hey- It's ok! You can sleep in my bed if you want."
Dignity tilted his head to the side. "Sleep in... Your bed?"
Seven nodded, "Yeah, I don't mind. I'll sleep on the floor."
Seven took out a new blanket from a far away drawer and threw it on the floor. He took a pillow from the bed too.
"This might help. I don't know."
Dignity climbed into 7n7's bed. He knew that logically, this bed should've been exactly like his bed. But for some reason, it just felt a little more comfortable. A little softer than his bed.
But something was missing, he still couldn't sleep.
He tossed and turned for a bit in bed, trying to think of what could possibly be missing so he could finally get back to sleep.
Then he heard the rustling from beneath him. Seven trying to get comfortable on the floor.
And that's when it hit him.
His face flushed. God, this was so embarrassing.
"Hey, uh. Seven?"
Seven turned around to face him. "What's up? Is this not helping?"
Dignity's voice broke a little, ashamed. He looked at his own fidgeting hands to avoid the scrutiny of 7n7's eyes.
"Can you- Can you sleep in the bed?... With me?"
He had shared beds with people before. A few times with Zuka in college and once with Minish after he got trashed at a party... He shivered a little at the thought. That incident would haunt him forever.
Seven smiled, he grabbed his pillow and laid down on his bed next to Dignity. The way he held his hands together and his face tensed up told him that something was still wrong. Something he needed to fix, because Dignity wasn't going to say it for him. If he let this go, it would fester and hurt him like it did in the morning. And he couldn't have that happen to this kid ever again.
"Are you ok?"
Dignity covered his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to be seen like this.
After a while, he finally spoke.
"I feel weak. And I hate that I feel weak. Because I know that I shouldn't even feel like that... But I do anyways."
Seven sat up and held his hands. Dignity's throat closed up a little and he swallowed.
"I don't know what's wrong with me."
Seven held his hands gently yet firmly, listening to everything Dignity had to say. That was something he liked about him. Dignity could say the silliest things ever, and 7n7 would take him seriously. With no judgement or scorn.
"I'm not the most... Well equipped to handle something like this. But for one, if I could say anything, it's that... I don't think you're weak. You survived and pushed through years of cult propaganda. That's pretty strong. Isn't it?"
Dignity sat there, stunned. He never thought about that.
"And... I don't think there's anything wrong with you either. For how long were you in there for?"
"My whole life."
Seven's eyes drooped down a little sympathetically. Sometime, he forgot that Dignity had spent almost his entire life and childhood in a cult. It always hurt thinking about it. How so much of his life had just gone down the drain because he was just unlucky.
"Of course some of the things they taught you are going to stick. They raised you! You wanna know something Elliot taught me this morning?"
Dignity nodded.
"You're not going to completely heal or move on from a bad experience in one or two days. It's a slow process. Healing takes time, and there's nothing wrong with you for carrying some of the cult's ideals. That's normal. You'll get past this with enough time, I promise."
Dignity didn't say anything, he couldn't say anything. His throat had completely closed up. He must've been crying, because Seven started wiping his tears away.
"Does that help at all?"
Dignity nodded again, he still couldn't say anything.
"Tell me about it next time, ok? Now go to bed. We have rounds in the morning."
He pulled the covers over themselves, and he was off to sleep. But before Seven could finally let sleep take him, Dignity finally got the courage to talk again. He wasn't even thinking of the words he wanted to say before they came out faster than his brain could comprehend. Like bullets.
"Thanks dad."
Right as the words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back immediately. He always makes a fool out of himself when he talks. Always. But before he could apologize or take it back, Seven spoke for him.
"Any time, now go to sleep."
That was it. No judgement, no ridicule, nothing. Just flat out acceptance.
Dignity wasn't used to acceptance.
He laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He was safe now- fully safe. He didn't need to heal immediately, he could take his time with deprogramming everything the church had taught, there was nothing stopping him from doing that. And Noli couldn't take that away from him.
They couldn't get into his head anymore.
It would take days-, weeks-, months-, maybe even years before he could properly get out of the cult's grasp. But he could do it. He just needed to take his time.
And suddenly, Dignity had never felt so safe in his entire life.
He fell asleep knowing that Noli couldn't do anything to him. Knowing that no matter how much he tried, he could never take him back to where he started.
And for the first time since he came into this world in the first place. He didn't go back to Autumn. He didn't even dream. He just had a nice, long, dreamless sleep.
And that was enough for now.