Chapter Text
It’s another quiet Saturday afternoon, four o’clock of the 26th of December of 2026 if we get more specific, and Mizuki is holding her breath, nervous.
She's standing in front of an all-too-familiar door, one that she wished hadn’t taken this sour taste in her life.
Her mind rambles a little as she hesitates to reach and turn the doorknob to open the door. Was this how Kanade felt every time she needed to visit her father in the hospital? Chills run down her spine, shaking her slightly and making the leaves of the flowers in her hand rustle quietly.
A beautifully arranged bouquet with daffodils, carnations and a couple of bluebells adorned the pink-haired girl's hands, tied with a beautiful yellow ribbon. The combination of flowers was definitely one that not many people would consider gifting anyone, not for their meaning but because of the strange arrangement and difference in sizes, what they don't know is the fact those flowers hold a secret message, one that only three other people would know.
Well, only two if she was honest, considering the state of the third girl.
Taking a deep breath, checking once more for the box inside her pocket, Mizuki enters the room. Sitting right next to the window with her saline solution, there is a figure that she has known for so long now. A teen girl who once had short hair, one that loved to do art, and shop, and sing, a girl who always kept her company and went on an uncountable amount of dates with her, now sitting on her bed, stiff and quiet.
Completely unlike her old self, Ena kept quiet and didn't even so much as try to look Mizuki’s way, her demeanor having changed drastically as her brain slowly deteriorated, but this is exactly what the doctors had predicted months in advance.
Mizuki takes three steps inside the room, knocking on the door as she does so, with a practiced smile on her face and a gentle look.
Her clothes are picked to be perfectly recognizable; her classic white blouse paired with one of her favorite skirts, held together by the pair of suspenders that ended in her perfectly ironed ruffles, and her hair tied the way she always used to do it, curled in a side ponytail and tied with a red ribbon. She had made sure everything about her appearance looked as familiar as possible, as predictable and common as she can manage to be. Still, this arrangement doesn't seem to make a spark fly behind Ena's eyes in the slightest, and Mizuki feels a small piece of her heart chip away at this. It was weird when it happened, Mizuki expected no less than that usual unrecognizable look of lost dreams and memories, the empty shell that was left…but she still held hope.
The brunette speaks, or tries to, at least, her words slurring as she sluggishly rubs her right eye with her trembling right hand. The tremors never stopped, she could barely do things on her own now.
Her eyes look tired and heavy with an obvious lack of sleep, the dark circles under her eyes almost look like some sort of exaggerated makeup for a show from how noticeable they are even from all the way across the room, and her hair that was once perfectly kept in place was a complete mess, with wild strands of hair sticking out, an untamed mess that the girl didn't seem to care about or notice in the slightest.
“I'm just…one of your brother's friends” Mizuki says, a smile on her face as she lies to the girl who once was her lively girlfriend.
It pains her to see her like this, but she swore to forever be by her side, especially during this very moment, and she'd make sure their promise stayed intact, even if it took a piece of her heart each time she visited.
“Oh…” Ena looks away, hurting Mizuki in the process. The sound of her voice is enough for Mizuki to smile; it had been months since the brunette said anything.
“I brought you flowers, he said you'd like these” lies. Mizuki knows Ena loves those flowers, she knows because she always used them in illustrations when she worked for nightcord still, and she once had asked her what meaning they carried. Of course, being the huge flower-nerd that Ena was, she had a reason as to why each flower was placed and where, her art always carrying a deeper meaning than most would notice. A secret message for those three girls that worked with her, a beautiful language that only those who truly knew her were privy to, and Mizuki would forever be glad she once was a part of that.
The brunette has no words, yet she smiles faintly, her eyes lost within the leaves that rustle as her hands shake them involuntarily. It seems like there’s a strange familiarity in her eyes, a sense of recognition shining upon them…or at least that's what Mizuki likes to believe. In reality, it's been months since Mizuki last heard Ena try to speak more than three words at a time, her illness having taken control of her entire mind already.
Mizuki places them in a table nearby, the lack of art supplies scattered around the room reminding her of the cruel reality, the not-so-distant past that she would never get back, no matter how much anyone ever tried. She smiles, still, knowing at least it didn’t last longer than a year and some months.
It’s rare when Ena is lucid, the moments where she can remember being particularly rare and miraculous for a patient with symptoms of dementia, and combining it with the lack of sleep, it has become even more strange for the brunette to say anything like she once did. It breaks Mizuki’s heart, seeing the girl who once was so eager to talk with her be nothing but a shadow of what she once was, her mind a hollow shell now that the last months had arrived, but she agreed to this months in advance, knowing full well what she was getting into, so she needs to stay by her side until the end, even if it hurts. She won't run this time.
“Would you like for me to brush your hair? It's getting really tangled” Mizuki offers, grabbing her emergency comb from her bag. This has become a routine of sorts for Mizuki; brushing Ena's hair twice a week and secretly telling her she loves her, even if Ena won't understand or remember the next time she comes by.
There's no words that could ever describe the hurt Mizuki feels now, to see the girl you love being hollowed out entirely by a stupid genetic mutation, by something as terrible as the disease that's been consuming her brain, but there’s nothing she can do but keep her company. At this point in the disease, Ena has barely any memories left regarding her family; the family photos won't help and neither will any stories, she barely recognizes her own mother, so what's the point in mourning the loss of someone who is still present? Mizuki won't cry yet, not today.
So, Mizuki stays, as she promised she would all those months before. She'd stay, just like Ena had promised to stay once. She'd stay because her love for the poor brunette girl was greater than that fear her heart held onto since the news first came around.
Just how come it got to this?
It hadn't even been a year since they started dating, and it was a couple of months more when her illness got diagnosed
A cruel twist of fate that no one expected quickly taking away all possible energy from a girl once filled with dreams and hopes, something so unpredictable that no one could've prepared them for the pain.
Mizuki sighs, combing through Ena's hair in such common gentleness that she herself doesn’t quite know where it comes from. She stares at the brown strands of tangled hair that pass between the wide teeth from the comb she held,
and remembering the days they'd have constant sleepovers as if it had been yesterday.
If only she could go back just a couple of months and enjoy it all over again, she'd be eternally grateful.
“Hey, Ena…” Mizuki starts, her rambling mostly directed towards the empty room, hoping at least two of her words would stick with the woman she loved. “I don't actually know how to start this”
She laughs, a little breathy as she tries to let her nerves dissipate before she continues talking, her practiced words completely leaving her mind now that the moment is happening. She’s lucky that the Shinonome’s decided to let Ena’s last months be spent in her own house, allowing for her friends to visit her as many times as they would want.
“I…I have so many things I’d like to say, even if I tried to put them all together into one letter I don’t think I would ever be done” Mizuki spoke, her hands still working diligently through Ena’s hair. “I never thought I’d be this close with anyone, let alone imagine a romantic relationship with someone as amazing as you are”
She takes in a deep breath as Ena’s head moves slightly to the side, a movement that Mizuki decided to take as a sign of attention, despite her rational mind telling her it was not true nor would it ever be again.
“We’ve been through so much together, I’m so thankful you stuck with me through all my bad days and my constant pushing, your stubbornness is both a blessing and a curse” The pink haired girl laughs, tears forming in her eyes as she reminisces about the days in which they would talk non-stop on call or went out on dates, remembering the constant teasing and annoying things she did just to get reactions out of Ena. “I know I’m difficult to be around, and even though you’d probably shut me up right now, I know it’s true, and I know it wasn’t easy for any of this to happen, but I’m so glad it did, I just…wish we had more time”
Her laugh carries pain, unmasked feelings that Mizuki would only ever let her own room hear so as to not burden more people with her own pain, a constant behavior on her part. Mizuki knew this day was approaching since Ena started to struggle with holding her own utensils, but she ignored the glaring signs that shone on her face telling her that time was running out. It’s a cruel destiny that both had to face, and although Mizuki knows that those around Ena are suffering just as much as she is, if not even more, she can’t help but be a little selfish and feel worse about her own grief. She had finally found the person she wanted to spend her entire time with, she knew someone who went above and beyond just for her and she wanted to give her the best life she could provide, and yet this is how it ends? A premature death that cannot be challenged, a disease taking away slowly the only woman she had ever loved as much as she does.
Her tears are completely justified, and her pain would leave yet another scar on her heart that she wouldn’t be able to explain without breaking down. She takes in a deep breath after her tears start wetting her cheeks, wiping them away as quickly as possible.
“But, despite our lack of time, we did the best we could” She continued, her hands holding the very last strands of hair that needed brushing. Brown fibers felt soft to the touch, and Mizuki made sure to memorize this sensation for the rest of her life. “I know you tried making me happy despite your own painful situation, and I know I tried my best to give you the best months of your life with me and all your friends”
She sniffs, trying to not break down entirely. Smiling at the memories, Mizuki remembered the difficult summer nights where Ena’s insomnia was the worst it had ever been and all of niigo would do sleepovers and take turns to entertain her. She laughs now, remembering the look in Akito’s face when they showed up once again to their house, ready with their pajamas and computers to keep on working on their final song. Before Mizuki can realize it, she’s done with Ena’s hair and her legs are driving her in front of the brunette, an automatic reaction taking over her body as she reached for Ena’s hands, grasping her fingers between her own and tightly joining them in a comfortable hold, one so familiar that Mizuki hoped Ena would remember her for it.
Their hands fitted each other perfectly, at least that’s what Mizuki thought; their fingers each had enough length to rest comfortably on the back of their hands, the spaces between their fingers hugging neatly the digits of the other, and the lack of awkward empty spaces made it Mizuki’s favorite thing in the world.
“I can remember the day of your confession as if it had been just yesterday, I was so nervous and you beat me to it” Mizuki laughs, tears staining her cheeks as her smile makes her close her eyes. “But this time, I win”
She knelt down onto the floor, enough to be at a similar height as Ena’s. With deliberate care, Mizuki took the box inside her bag and opened it. She took one more deep breath before proudly speaking once more.
“Shinonome Ena, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met, a strong and compassionate person that I cannot understand stuck with me, but I have you and I will never let you go” She laughed, tightening the grip she had on the brunette’s hand. “You are my best friend, my closest confidant, and my one true love.
“You know me better than anyone else on this planet, maybe even better than I know myself, and yet you still love every inch of me just as I do you. Your compassion and gentleness are a feat I don’t think could ever be recreated by the gods in another person; you are such a unique, shining pearl I want to keep for myself. You changed my life for the better, and for that I will never forget you.”
Mizuki looks at Ena’s face for the first time during this speech, and she knows that her mind is completely gone. She knows there is no chance she’ll ever react to any of this, yet she doesn’t do it for the acknowledgement of someone or the reaction; this is her form of showing who she loves to the entire world, her way of yelling out into the universe that despite the circumstances lived through, she won’t let it stop her from loving this girl.
“With this ring, I entrust to you my heart and my love, I give you all of my fragile aspects to care for and uncover all the disgusting rough edges, and…” As Mizuki places Ena’s ring on the brunette’s finger, she takes her own ring and places it on her hand. “With this piece, I take all of your fragile sides and your rough edges to love and care, and I take the memory of you and immortalize it, for as long as I’m alive you will never be forgotten”
Once Mizuki finishes her speech, she grabs Ena’s hand in her own once more, seeing the matching golden shine as the setting sun hits it, the end of the day drawing near and reminding Mizuki just how many times this specific hour of the day had been of impact in her life.
The day Ena promised to stay, the day her secret got ripped out from her chest by others, the day that this very same girl chased her down alleyways just to assure her she'd stay, all the times she'd spend walking with her friends through the streets of Shibuya after yet another successful work published…it left a bittersweet taste knowing it would also be present at this very moment, her biggest declaration of love.
She knows she'll think about this for the rest of her life, just as how she'll continue reminiscing over every single second she got to spend with the fiery girl who took her heart and never let it go.