Chapter Text
''Do you remember him?'' Phainon nodded slowly. ''Do you… remember everything?''
''Yes… Even your row.'' Mydei looked down, embarrassed by this, whilst Phainon laughed softly and stroked his beloved’s knee. ''I’m not angry, jks I swear.''
''What did you say? Jks? Your Kremnonian pronunciation is still dreadful.'' laughed Mydei, but judging by the way his lips were clenched, it was obvious that smile was fake.
But not Phainon. Phainon seemed sincere, calm… but sad. ''I’m not angry about what you did. You’ve saved my life.'' Mydei’s smile faded at those words, and he nodded, a tightness in his chest as he still couldn’t forget that he’d nearly lost Phainon forever. ''But… Aventurine and Ratio… they didn’t deserve that, Mydei.''
''I know…''
''I need them to see that Khaslana isn’t dead. That they, just like you, have saved my life. And that… that those days I spent with them… were amazing.''
''I’ll speak to Stelle. I’m sure Dr Ratio will be delighted to hear the news.''
Phainon’s expression darkened, and he let out a long, heavy sigh. ''And Aventurine?''
Mydei sighed wearily, shrugging his shoulders. ''I don’t know, Phainon… he's… obviously he’s not well, and I don’t know… I don’t know if he’ll want anything to do with us.''
''But if we tell him…''
''He didn’t seem to believe that we needed your memento to save you. I don’t know if he’ll believe that you’re Khaslana or that it’s saved your life too.
I don’t know if he’ll be able to see that child in you, Ílie moi.''
Phainon nodded, letting out another deep sigh; this situation was clearly getting to him, but he closed his eyes and relaxed when Mydei stroked his forehead.
''Can we think about it later? Or another day? You’ve… you’ve only just woken up and I’d rather we were both all right and…''
''Mydei,'' Phainon interrupted, taking his hand. ''I’m fine. You’re not going to lose me.''
Mydei nodded; all that fear and anguish were still reflected on the prince’s face, and he couldn’t help but hunch his back into an awkward posture, though he didn’t care in the slightest.
His forehead rested on Phainon’s shoulder, and feeling that skin and that warmth was just what Mydei needed; his body relaxed as Phainon ran his fingers through his golden hair.
''Your mother’s very nice.''
''She’s a pain in the ass. If I found out, I wouldn’t invite her onto Herta’s ship.’
''I’d love to get to know her properly. And your father, too.''
Mydei nodded, unable to feel any sadness at the thought.
Due the last cycle—the one that truly broke the Amphoreus paradox—Phainon didn't exist, nor did his parents from Aedes Elysae either ever exist.
But Phainon’s memories remained those of all the cycles, so the hero had woken up in a world without parents or neighbours, apart from his beloved Cyrene.
It was true that he had Aglaea, Anaxa, Tribios… and Mydei knew that his own parents would do anything to make Phainon feel like one of the family.
But even so…
''But before I go back to Amphoreus, I want to see Aventurine, Mydei.' Phainon repeated earnestly. At Mydei’s weary sigh, the white-haired snorted softly: ''I mean it.''
''I understand that you’re indebted to them…''
''It’s not a debt; it’s that I love them. It’s that they’ve treated me like no one else ever has.
It’s because Aventurine didn’t deserve to lose me like that and…'' Instinctively, Phainon brought his hand to his neck, where he could now feel his mark. ''And because, in certain ways… he’s the only one capable of understanding me.''
Mydei pulled his forehead away from that body he missed so much, his resolve weakening in the face of the plea in those blue eyes. ''Please. I need them to be all right.
And… and try to make sure they remain part of my life. I want them to be part of my life.''
''They’re from the IPC, Phainon, and you’re a Lord Ravager whether you like it or not.'' Phainon pursed his lips in exasperation at that. ''What if…''
''Aventurine and Ratio would never betray me.''
''You don’t know that…''
''I do know, Mydei.'' Phainon replies, harshly. Mydei relaxed as he saw that blue gaze turn fierce and hostile; the last thing the blond wanted, having finally saved his beloved, was to anger him. ''I know it very well. Because, even though I’ve only spent a short time with them, the connection I’ve had with Aven… ugh.''
Silence fell between them.
A mixture of anger and embarrassment washed over Phainon, who covered his flushed face with his hand whilst massaging his forehead; Mydei let out a soft chuckle.
''Should I be jealous?''
That silly remark had the desired effect, managing to break Phainon’s grim, serious expression; he flashed a sincere smile, and the hero gave the prince a light tap on the arm. ''You’re such a fool.''
''You haven’t answered my question.''
''The connection I’ve felt with him isn’t even remotely like the one I’ve had with you! I… you… Mydei, what you mean to me…'' Phainon couldn’t finish; the blond man raised an eyebrow, amused, as if urging him to continue. ''Ugh, do you really need me to tell you what you mean to me!? ''I… ugh, I still haven’t forgotten what you said to me, right in front of the Flame Reaver's corpse!’
''You remember that too?''
''And… and everything else! At the Nikador trial, when you came to save me, in that recurrence where you reached the end with me… Αμάν!, Mydei, I can’t think of you as my other half because you’re my whole soul.''
Phainon’s face had flushed an even deeper red than Mydei’s tattoos, even though they were now glowing brightly, whilst Mydei bit his lip to stifle the nervous laugh that had welled up inside him.
Just as Phainon desperately needed to break the silence, Mydei came to his aid, cradling his jaw to seal his lips; they both forced themselves to calm down, for they were neither in the best position, nor in the best situation, nor in the best place.
When they parted, Phainon’s face was still bright red; he was unable to look at his beloved, feeling that brilliant gold upon him.
''Look at you, speaking so well when you want to. If only you’d study Kremnonian and managed to pronounce it properly, you’d be one of our finest poets.''
''But would you be able to read my poems?'' joked the hero, and this time it was he who received a tap on the arm from the prince.
And although they had finally heard the confession they needed, Phainon’s expression still betrayed a certain unease at the fact that Mydei did not seem to agree with his idea of visiting Aventurine before returning to Amphoreus.
But that kiss, those words… feeling Phainon’s caresses on the nape of his neck… they weakened Nikador’s coreflame's bearer; Mydei agreed to his request and Phainon thanked him with another kiss.
''Cheater.…''
''Maybe a bit, yeah ~~''
''But if we go, we’ll go with Stelle. She’s the one who, apart from you, knows those two.'' Phainon nodded, happy to see his friend again. ''And perhaps we should ask Topaz to come too—''
''That’s what I want you to tell me! How on earth has Cipher managed to find himself a girlfriend from another planet?''
˚₊‧꒰ა . —————————————————————— ˖ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
''You must hand in this report in three days.''
''I’ll hand it in tomorrow.''
''It’s quite a thick one, dear.'' replied Jade.
''Well, the day after tomorrow, then.'' snorted Aventurine, irritated.
He took the papers his superior had handed him, skimmed through them quickly and set to work straight away.
But when he saw that not only was Jade still there, but that the cool, amused expression she always wore was missing from her face, Aventurine clenched his jaw, tense.
''What do you want, Jade?'' Aventurine snorted.
The woman simply sighed, folding her arms.
''Do you remember when I brought you here? How you’d always come looking for me to let off steam or ask for advice?''
''That was years ago. I’m not that bloody kid anymore.'' he hissed, turning his gaze back to the papers.
''The last time you came asking for my help was four months ago, darling.''
''Well, go back to your bloody charity and adopt another bloody kid who was a slave in their past—why the hell that should be my problem!?'' he snorted, not even deigning to look his boss in the face.
Jade seemed annoyed by the tone Aventurine was using, but even she was taken aback when the Avgin looked up, his exotic eyes shining brightly, despite it being daytime and the office being well lit. ''Is there anything else, Miss Jade?''
The woman could have reprimanded him for that.
Damn, she could even have punished him for daring to speak to her like that.
But the look on Aventurine’s face was one that Jade, Topaz, Ratio and everyone who cared—even just a little—about the Avgin hoped they would never see.
That look which indicated that he’d finally given up and really didn’t care about anything anymore.
That he was no longer betting on fun, but on resignation.
Deep down, very deep down, Jade wanted to sit down with him. So they could talk. So he could get it off his chest.
But what was there to talk about? How could Jade possibly help him when, deep down, she still didn’t understand why Aventurine was so upset that the boy had to be sent back to where he came from?
As if in answer to her plea to break that awkward silence, Jade received a notification from Diamante, unsure whether this was good news or not.
''Diamond has just assigned you a mission for next week. It’s about a planet that didn’t accept our terms, and Irontomb's disease has eaten away at it from the inside.
There are still survivors—''
''Yeah, yeah, I don’t really care, to be honest. Just tell me what I’ve got to do.''
''Apparently that planet has developed an ecosystem similar to Topaz’s, so you’ll be going with her.'' Aventurine nodded again, hurriedly, as if he wanted Jade to leave him in peace once and for all. ''Is there a problem with that?''
''No! Why in the hell should be a problem me going on a mission with my workmate!?''
Jade crossed her arms again, and Aventurine finally snapped, ''EVERYTHING’S FINE, JADE! I’VE GOT NO PROBLEM—NOT WITH YOU, NOT WITH TOPAZ, NOT WITH RATIO, AND NOT WITH MY BELOVED FRIENDS ON THE ASTRAL EXPRESS!
I’M FINE NOW, SO CAN YOU JUST FUCK OFF AND LET ME GET ON WITH MY WORK, PLEASE!?''
He ended with a loud thump on the table, which drew so much attention that Sapphire and Agate, who were passing by, popped their heads round to ask what was going on, only for Aventurine to shoo them away rudely.
''They're going to tell Sugilite, and he's going to come back to tease you. You perfectly know that.''
''Well, maybe what he'll find is a bloody bullet right between his eyes.'' retorted the avgin, angrily. ''Now, Jade, seriously, go away. I want to be left alone!''
Jade looked at him again, with that expression of concern so uncharacteristic of her, but finally gave in and left the office, closing the door behind her—no doubt so that it wouldn’t be opened again unless it was by her or Diamond.
The days went by.
Aventurine handed in the report a few hours after the first day had ended, but far too early for it to count as the second; those huge dark circles from lack of sleep were etched on a face he had taken such meticulous care of just a few days earlier.
His cheeks and neck were red and bore slight scratches, the result of when he felt that rage building inside him and had to vent it somewhere.
His mobile would flash from time to time as he received messages, almost all from the same man.
Aventurine couldn’t even bring himself to look at them.
He couldn’t bear the guilt of knowing the pain he was causing his beloved doctor.
''Are you sure, Doc? You’ll regret this. You know full well that I only cause pain.''
''Is that what you like to think of yourself? To keep yourself away from me? To keep yourself away from any happy ending you deserve? Well, your threats won’t work on me, my dear gambler.''
''I told you...'' Aventurine laughed bitterly. ''I told you I would hurt you. That I would break your heart, even ruin your life. But you chose not to listen to me. You chose to ignore a player who always wins.''
▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ ⛃
Ratio stared at his mobile, letting out a bitter, pained hiss, and squeezing his eyes shut as he felt tears welling up.
It was a long weekend at university, so Ratio had five days off, the poor lad not knowing what to do with himself.
He couldn’t even bring himself to go near that house. That house full of memories, now bitter ones.
For the first time in his life, he felt fortunate that he had Ruan Mei’s experiments instead of Earth cats; otherwise, he’d be a very negligent owner (although surely, if he did have that sort of pet, Ratio or even Aventurine would make the sacrifice of going to the house, even if only to feed them).
He hadn’t spoken to his beloved since that fateful day.
He saw him, but Aventurine couldn’t even bring himself to look him in the face.
Deep down, Ratio knew that Aventurine didn’t hate him. That he didn’t blame him for having handed Khaslana over h
is death.
But that depression he'd fallen into… that… resignation… Ratio was partly to blame, even if Aventurine denied it.
And this time, his beloved wouldn’t let himself be helped. He didn’t want to be saved.
That was why he was back at the IPC offices. In the Intelligentsia Guild departments.
Because he needed to do something.
He needed to feel useful… or he’d lose his mind.
That was why, whilst sifting through any paperwork that might distract him—knowing that none of it would achieve his aim—he blinked in surprise at the sound of familiar voices; voices he, given what had happened, really didn’t fancy seeing again at that moment.
He let out a weary hiss, trying to turn away and hide from those eyes, when Stelle’s voice stopped him, sending a distressing shiver down Ratio’s spine, as he had absolutely no desire to cause a scene in those offices…
But neither did he want to talk to those people at that very moment. And having to do something he didn’t feel like doing…
He hated it with all his soul.
''What do you want, Trailblazer?'' he snorted, making no attempt to hide his hostility.
The young woman approached him, looking somewhat uneasy, a nervous smile etched on her face. ''I’ve… I’ve come with someone… well… before you see him… of course, I need to make sure—''
''Stelle, get to the point.'' Ratio snorted, folding his arms.
''Phainonishere'' she said very quickly, but Ratio, fortunately, caught it, blinking in astonishment. ''And… and he wants to see you.''
The trailblazer lowered her head, but her gaze remained fixed on the man she still hoped would consider himself her friend. ''He… he remembers you, Veritas. He remembers both of you.''
''So Khaslana… the boy—''
''He's… he’s not a child anymore. In fact, he’s even taller than you—albeit by just a few centimetres! But… but it is Khaslana, yes. And… and he remembers everything you went through together.'' Ratio still had that pale, startled look on his face, unable to utter a single word—something unheard of for him. ''He needs to see you, Veritas. He feels terrible about what we forced you to do to save him.''
''He’s the only one person who shouldn’t feel guilty about it.'' he snorted, glaring at the trailblazer.
Fortunately, Stelle wasn’t offended; she nodded in agreement, laughing softly. ''Why don’t you just tell him that to his face? He’s in Screwllum’s office.''
When the door opened, Ratio felt as though the oxygen had been sucked out of the room.
In Screwllum’s vast, immaculately kept office stood the man himself, alongside the senior trailblazers, that Spartan who had fought Aventurine and…
and that Phainon...
His Khaslana… all grown up.
Ratio stood paralysed, struck by how different this man was from the child he’d looked after… and yet, how he would still be able to recognise that look and that smile anywhere.
Everyone except Phainon looked at Ratio and then at Phainon, with nervous and uncomfortable expressions… except Phainon himself.
Phainon had that smile which, as a child, had never left his face, with those blue eyes shining with the faint yellow heterochromia around his pupil.
Ratio wanted to go closer. To touch him. To make sure it wasn’t a dream.
That that boy really hadn’t died… but had returned to his true body.
Because Phainon, despite being a man of his age, with a body bearing the scars of war… was him.
There was no doubt that this was his Khaslana.
Faced with that long, awkward silence, Phainon tried to break it, rising from his chair to greet Ratio, when a hiss of pain escaped his lips and the Spartan’s expression shifted from unease to concern in a fraction of a second, and he was immediately by the white-haired man’s side.
''I’m fine, I’m fine!'' Phainon snorted, shaking his hand to reassure his… friend?
''Perhaps it was too soon to bring you here?'' muttered Himeko, Phainon hissing irritably at that.
''I’d already said so!'' muttered the Spartan, sounding even more irritated than the white-haired man.
''Herta thought that—''
''I’m sorry if I sound rude, but could you all leave, please?'' Phainon cut Screwllum off politely.
Stelle nodded with a smile, her companions following her out alongside Screwllum, whilst Phainon sighed as he saw that his friend still hadn’t left his side. ''You too, Mydei.''
The blond looked taken aback by the request, but faced with the pleading look in those blue eyes, he nodded—with a touch of understandable annoyance—and left the room, closing the door gently, whilst Ratio, standing in the background, had been expecting a slam.
Seeing the gesture Ratio made as Mydei passed by him, Phainon chuckled softly. ''Even though he doesn’t look it, he’s a softie. I’m sorry you’ve had to witness that warlike and… aggressive side of him.''
Ratio nodded, inhaling sharply as he let out a soft growl. ''I suppose… I can’t blame him. If Aventurine were in a position similar to yours, I'd be capable of taking down anyone just to save him.''
Phainon nodded, relieved that Ratio seemed to forgive Mydei on that point. ''I’m also sorry they didn’t tell you anything. That they didn’t trust you.''
''Why didn’t they?'' whispered Ratio, hurt. ''Although… it would have hurt, we would have handed you over immediately if we’d known what you were from the start.''
Phainon closed his eyes; Ratio noticed how his knees were trembling slightly and moved closer to help him sit back down, Phainon feeling a pleasant shiver as he once again felt Ratio’s touch on his skin.
''They were afraid you’d betray them. That you’d tell the IPC what I was.''
''We’re from the IPC, Khasl— Phainon. What difference does it make?''
''In terms of what I really am, Ratio…'' Phainon muttered, losing that smile. ''Do you remember that the reports said about the two Ravagers who were created on Amphoreus?''
''Yes. One that was used as a sort of incubator for Irontomb, and then Irontomb itself. What does that have to do with—'' Ratio fell silent; Phainon laughed, knowing that Ratio would grasp it immediately. ''So you…''
''I despise Nanook more than anyone!'' Phainon snorted. ''Never, ever I'll join his ranks. And if I must die fighting him and his lackeys, so be it!''
Phainon blinked, perplexed by the deep-seated hatred he felt towards that Aeon, forcing himself to calm down. ''But I can’t deny what Lygus did to me. What he turned me into.'' He looked up at Ratio, pleading for understanding. ''That’s why they were afraid to tell you they were looking for me. Because with even a cursory enquiry into Khaslana, you’d discover that I am the other Lord Ravager created on Amphoreus.''
''I would never have blamed you if this explanation you’re giving me had come from Screwllum or Stelle, and Aventurine is more loyal to me than to his position as Stoneheart.''
''I know, Ratio, I know.'' smiled Phainon. ''That’s why I’m here.''
Ratio sighed again, as if he still couldn’t quite believe everything that was happening, and turned to stare at Phainon once more. ''It really is you…'' Phainon nodded, without losing that smile. ''And do you remember everything?''
''Everything. That’s why I couldn’t let you believe that you’d sent a child—the child you’ve looked after as if he were your own—to a slaughterhouse. You’ve saved me, and not just by giving my memento to Herta and the others.''
''W—what do you mean?''
But Phainon looked around, asking after Aventurine, whilst Ratio lost all his strength at the mention of the Avgin.
''On a mission. He's… He's not okay, Kh—Phainon.''
''I thought as much...'' Phainon smiled weakly. ''What mission is he on? Can we go and see him?''
Ratio’s first reaction was to say no. He wanted them to leave the hostile avgin in peace.
He didn’t even know if Aventurine would accept Phainon as a Khaslana.
But… saying no meant giving up on his beloved. And Ratio would fight for Kakavasha until his last breath.
''Let me find you some suitable gear first. They’re on a planet poisoned by Irontomb, and judging by the look of you—''
''Hey, if you knew what I’ve survived, you wouldn’t be so overprotective of me!'' laughed Phainon, as Ratio helped him to his feet again.
When they stood face to face, Phainon noticed those golden eyes reddening and Ratio’s palm trembling, and the hero of Amphoreus could resist no longer; he pulled the man who’d looked after him like a son into an embrace, Ratio melting completely at the way—even though Phainon was bigger than him, and he could feel the firmness of his muscles in that embrace…
That touch, that scent… that of his Khaslana.
''Let’s go and find Aventurine, Khasl— ugh, sorry, Phainon!'' Ratio snorted, being stopped by Phainon as he reached the door.
''If it’s you…
.
.
.
I don’t mind if you call me Khaslana.''
˚₊‧꒰ა . —————————————————————— ˖ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
''Damn, I knew this planet was unbreathable, but I had no idea how hot it was in here!'' Topaz grumbled, her words causing the lens of her gas mask to fog up.
Aventurine rolled his eyes, moving towards the planet whilst his companion took photos.
''Do you really think this planet can be saved? I think I’ll tell Diamond to activate the evacuation protocol.''
Aventurine shrugged indifferently.
If this had happened on any other day, Topaz would be shouting at him right now, demanding he take it seriously.
But the woman now looked down, sadly, as she locked her mobile.
''You’re right. This planet is slowly killing its inhabitants. Call Diamond.'' Aventurine replied half-heartedly, still without looking her companion in the face.
''Aventurine… can we talk?''
''Our oxygen supply is large but not unlimited. Do you want to risk your life in such a foolish way? Call Diamond. I’m going to see how many survivors this bloody planet has.''
And without waiting for his companion’s reply, Aventurine walked away, leaving her alone on that desolate moor.
…
She blinked in surprise when she received a message from Cipher assuring her that Stelle and Ratio were heading for the planet they were on.
▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄.𖢻 ݁ ˖
''Fucking hell!!''
''Stelle, watch your language!'' Welt scolded her, everyone stunned by the planet’s appearance.
''Is this what 55 Cranci-e has come to?''
Topaz nodded and Ratio sighed ''Even if you’d stopped Irontomb's attack, its disease… didn’t just affect people. It also affected some planets that already had a weak atmosphere.''
Phainon gazed at the planet with sorrow, whilst Mydei asked him if he was all right. ''The way it looks… it’s exactly like the astral plane I summon when… when I take my form.''
''The very image of Destruction…'' whispered Himeko, sadly.
''Fortunately, we have no reports of large numbers of deaths, so although the planet is doomed, its people are not!'' Topaz reassured them. ''Aventurine has gone to find those survivors and inform them of the IPC’s evacuation plan for such cases!''
''Evacuation plan?''
''That’s what we’d originally planned for you.'' Welt explained to Mydei. ''We didn’t think your planet would survive… after leaving the Zandar simulation.''
''So we’d have been at the mercy of the IPC if that had happened…'' muttered Mydei, the Trailblazers nodding. ''And yet you still didn’t want us to ask them for help back then, when it was a matter of saving Phainon?''
''For once, I agree with you.'' added Ratio, whilst Phainon muttered irritably, ''Can you lot just drop it now? I’m alive, I’m safe, and all I need to know if Aventurine is all right.''
''Physically, yes, but… well…'' whispered Topaz.
''He's not talking to you either?’ The woman shook her head at the doctor, whilst Ratio sighed regretfully. ''I’d call him stubborn—because I know he is, and very much so—but… I also understand why he’s like this…’
''But I don’t understand… Ratio, you lived with Khaslana too. And Aventurine… since when has he ever liked children!?'' Topaz tried to find an explanation. ''I don’t deny that losing Khaslana in that way must have been traumatic, but affecting him that much?''
''Because Aventurine didn’t just lose a child he wanted to protect. He lost what was surely the only person who could understand his situation as the sole survivor of a genocide.'' Phainon replied seriously. ''And what he did was lose me.''
Phainon looked at Stelle, his blue eyes reflecting behind the glass of his gas mask. ''It’s as if, before learning the truth about Amphoreus, I’d discovered that Cyrene was still alive, only to lose her… at your hands.''
Stelle nodded, finally understanding the gravity of the situation for Aventurine, her friend turning to Topaz. ''Where has he gone?''
When Topaz pointed the way, Mydei snorted, snapping at him that he wasn’t about to go and look for him on his own. ''I’ll go with Ratio. You must help Topaz with whatever’s needed.'' Faced with Mydei’s reluctance, Phainon rested his forehead against hers. ''Trust me in this, please.''
Mydei snorted, but was appeased, like a submissive lion. ''I trust you, hks. I’m just worried.''
''I’ll be safe. I’m with Ratio, the only person I’ve ever seen who’s made you feel afraid.''
''Shut up! Have you actually seen him? He looks exactly like Nikador himself!'' snorted Mydei, whilst Phainon nodded with a laugh.
When Phainon and Ratio had left, the doctor asked who on earth this Nikador was, as the young Khaslana had also mistaken him for Nikador on one occasion.
▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ ⛃
''Th…thank you so much, Stoneheart. I’ll let my family and friends know straight away!''
As the man left to pass on the news to his loved ones and meet up at the base he and Topaz had set up, the avgin rolled his eyes, bored.
''You’ve thanked me because this bloody mask hides my eyes. I bet if you could see them properly, you wouldn’t even pay me any attention...'' he muttered to himself, returning to his search for more survivors.
He squeezed shut those eyes he hated so much, trying to forget that voice in his head.
''I like them!'' said a young Khaslana, whilst Aventurine shook his head, trying to forget that person.
And those experiences.
He managed to find nearly a hundred people, almost all of them families or closely knit groups;
cousins who had lost their parents, friends who were like sisters, young parents with babies, elderly people with their grandchildren…
They all thanked Aventurine from the very depths of their being for guiding them to the ship that would take them to safety, whilst the avgin was finally left alone in that horrifying wasteland, gazing out at the apocalyptic horizon.
He knew that Topaz wouldn’t leave without him (though at that moment he couldn’t have cared less), so he didn’t bother returning to the survivors.
He needed a few minutes on his own.
Without Jade and her new reports. Without Diamond and his arguments.
Without Topaz and her concern, or Ratio without… without those messages that broke the blond man’s heart.
Just a brief moment in absolute silence, to gather his thoughts.
To come to terms with the events he’d experienced.
…
To stop dwelling on Khaslana’s death…
Tsk, who was he going to fool… he could never downplay what he had to do. What he was forced to do.
He didn’t know how long he’d stood there, rooted to the spot, in front of that cliff overlooking that terrifying moor, when a trembling, familiar voice called out to him, in fear.
He turned slowly, as if ashamed to face his beloved doctor, and was surprised to see him accompanied by another person.
Although they were both wearing gas masks, Aventurine immediately recognised his doctor, not really caring who that tall, burly figure accompanying him might be.
''Heh, I wasn’t up to anything, Doc, don’t worry.'' Aventurine turned his back on them again. ''I was just admiring the view...'' he whispered in a melancholy voice that tore at the poor doctor’s heart.
Ratio sighed, asking him if he could please come with them.
Aventurine didn’t reply straight away, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Ratio stop his unknown companion as he tried to approach the avgin.
''There are no survivors left, Aven. Let’s go back, please.'' Ratio pleaded again. Aventurine finally gave in, as he didn’t want to cause any more pain to the only man who had ever treated him neither as a commodity nor as a bargaining chip.
Well… unfortunately, until a few weeks ago, he wasn’t the only one, but that boy was dead, so why dwell on him?
He frowned as he walked past the stranger, who kept staring at him; eventually, the three of them returned to the IPC ship that was waiting for them to leave that inhospitable planet.
…
..
.
To Aventurine’s surprise, when Ratio led him towards his personal ship, the stranger still by their side.
''Doc, I have to get back to Topaz. I have to inform Diamond of—''
''I’m so sorry for what I forced you to do.'' whispered Ratio, finally removing his mask.
Aventurine bit his lip, shaking his head weakly. ''I… I’m not angry with you, Doc. I promise—''
''And the others are sorry they didn’t trust you, though you have every right never to forgive them.''
Was that really what Aventurine wanted? To stop speaking to the few friends he’d made in his life?
Although the pain he carried inside him at being forced to hand over Khaslana was intense… the loneliness that followed was even worse.
But something inside him refused to forgive. It refused to let him move on.
To do so would be to ignore what they’d done to his Khaslana… and his child didn’t deserve to have his death belittled in that way.
''Vasha—''
''I can’t do it, Ratio, OK!? No… not yet! I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to!'' shouted Aventurine, ignoring the fact that Ratio had called him by his real name, as he could never say it in front of strangers. ''I understand it was the best decision! That he wasn’t human and that doing that was for the good of everyone! But I don’t see it that way! I can’t see it that way!
Can’t you let me be a bit selfish and allow me to be angry—who knows, perhaps forever—for having taken away the only person I believed I could finally protect from the very thing I suffered from!?'' Ratio forced himself to remain still, raising his gaze towards the stranger and nodding.
But once again, Aventurine paid little heed to the secret conversation Ratio was having with his friend. ''I’ve tried to be a better person. To give life a chance and not just be Aventurine. And what good has it done me!?
The person I love has realised what a terrible person I am; I haven’t been able to defend a loved one again and—''
''Who says you haven’t been able to defend and protect me?'' came the stranger’s voice, which sounded damn familiar despite sounding so mature.
Aventurine turned slowly, paralysed by the sight before him;
The stranger, who removed his mask, who had been with Ratio all this time… was the spitting image of Khaslana, but as an adult.
But no…
It couldn’t be him.
He was simply the reason why his Khaslana was no longer with him.
The reason for his death.
…
That wasn’t the boy he’d looked after.
''And that I’ve realised what a terrible person you are? You? Are you serious, Vasha?'' Ratio whispered softly, venturing a faint smile.
Aventurine was still wearing his mask, so neither of the two men could see his expression; Ratio grew concerned when Aventurine suddenly tried to walk away.
''Kakavash—''
''Don’t call me that! You have no right to call me that! You’re not him!'' Aventurine shouted at Phainon, the Elysian stopping Ratio when he tried to intervene, whilst still keeping his cool.
Not wanting to listen to any more of that charade, Aventurine tried to open the door, but was stopped by Phainon’s words.
''When my village burned to the ground, and I saw my parents suffocate to death in the smoke because they couldn’t get out of the house, or my entire flock charred by the flames, or my neighbours screaming in agony because they couldn’t escape the fire and the monsters… I thought no one would ever be able to understand my pain.
My gaze.
The friends I made along the way became my new family, and however much I poured my heart out to them, however much I wept in their arms… I never managed to see that understanding in their eyes for what I’d been through.
I never felt that anyone fully grasped or understood my pain.
…
Until I met you.''
Phainon took a chance and approached the trembling Avgin, whose hand still rested on the keypad to unlock the ship’s door, yet without moving a single finger.
''It’s not just that you understood my pain. You’ve healed a part of me that I thought didn’t need healing. That the pain inside me existed because it had to exist. And you took it away.
You’ve become my confidant, my equal, a… a father figure I’d always wanted to have. One I still hope to keep, despite everything that’s happened.''
Phainon forced himself to remain calm, his smile giving him away when Aventurine finally removed his mask, looking at the Elysian with a vulnerability that didn’t fit at all with the bold and confident Avgin.
''You’re not him…'' he whispered, but this time, rather than an accusation, it was a plea.
Phainon sighed, slowly closing his eyes. ''I won’t be the figure you’ve created. Nor that child you longed to protect. I’m sorry… for growing up so fast. But yes, Kakavasha…
I am that boy. I have his memories. His experiences. His feelings. Everything.'' Phainon moved closer once more to Aventurine, who seemed frozen in time, gently taking hold of his wrist. ''I’m so very sorry they hid the truth from you and forced you to do that, but Aven… it’s me. I promise you, by all that is sacred…
…that I am Khaslana.''
Aventurine clenched his jaw, the first treacherous tears falling but without pulling away from the Elysian’s touch.
''And I beg you… to stop blaming yourself. To stop feeling this way, because you—and you alone—have saved me.
That memento—if it hadn’t been for you, it would have disappeared long ago. You’ve saved me in every possible way I ever wanted to be saved.
So please, Aven, forgive them, forgive me and forgive yourself… and come back to us.
I don’t want to lose you.
…
I can’t lose you. Please.''
Aventurine trembled beneath Phainon’s hand, still unable to stop crying, nodding weakly as his body was unable to react, whilst Phainon embraced the person who had indirectly caused him the most harm, and who, to everyone’s surprise, had become so important in his life.
Two children who had lost everything in their childhood, forced to be the puppets of someone in a position of power… and who had finally snapped their strings.
They had friends, they had loved ones… but they had no one who shared their experiences.
Until now, and Phainon swore, by all that is sacred, that he would not let that relationship slip away, even if Nanook himself wanted to be the one to break it off.
TWO YEARS LATER
''Can you just stay still?''
''I’m not doing anything, Doc!'' Aventurine snorted.
''You won’t stop moving. You’re making me nervous!''
''I’m the one who’s nervous!! Ratio, do you realise what we’re about to do!?''
Aventurine finally managed to make his beloved laugh; he hugged him affectionately whilst kissing his blond hair.
''Vasha…''
''What!?''
Ratio stood in front of him, looking at him seriously, managing to calm the nervous Avgin. ''We’re going to do brilliantly.
…
You’re going to do brilliantly.''
''You… you think so?''
Ratio sighed affectionately, pressing his lips against the blond’s whilst stroking his chin. ''I’d bet all my doctorates that that girl is going to be the luckiest in the world to have you by her side.''
Aventurine snorted in embarrassment, but Ratio had achieved his goal: to calm him down. And to give him that dose of reassurance he needed.
As the pair made their way along the vast, elegant streets of Castrum Kremnos, Aventurine couldn’t help but chuckle. ''Are you sure this is the kingdom of Mydeimos and not yours?''
''Shut up!'' Ratio snorted.
''DOC, LOOK! THAT CREATURE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU!'' Ratio snorted dismissively, rolling his eyes. ''It wouldn’t be a bad idea for you to dress in the same way—''
Ratio silenced Aventurine with a light tap on his hand when the blond tried to pull at his cloak, in an attempt to mimic the attire of those creatures guarding Castrum Kremnos.
And finally they arrived at the right place, with Aventurine once again freezing on the spot.
''Do you want to rest a bit before we go in?’
''Rest from what?’ Aventurine snorted weakly.
But before Ratio could continue the conversation, a figure stepped into the light, greeting the pair with a huge smile.
''What are you two doing standing there wasting time?’
''Kakavasha. He’s scared.’
''Scared!?’ muttered Phainon, surprised. ''Scared of what? Vasha, you’re going to be brilliant!’
''That’s what I told him…’
''There couldn’t be a better father for that little girl than you!’
Aventurine nodded with a whimper.
Although, after his experience with Khaslana as a child, his eyes had been opened to what he really wanted with his beloved doctor.
Even so, he’d realised that he ACTUALLY know how to deal with children and, what’s more, he actually liked them; and when Mydeimos told them they’d managed to find a single survivor in a village in Castrum Kremnos, still ravaged by the aftermath of the Black Tide, Aventurine felt a connection to that little girl—so similar to Khaslana—even without having seen her…
He couldn't help but feel afraid.
Remembering all the atrocities he had committed in the past.
His hands… stained with blood.
As he looked at those hands—clean to the world, but dirty to him—Phainon took them, causing Aventurine to look up.
''''…
Do you remember my wedding, Aven?''''
''Of course I do, prostănac . That husband of yours has quite a romantic side, even if he doesn’t seem like it.'' Aventurine laughed nervously.
''At the moment we exchanged swords… do you remember how everyone saw me looking nervous and thought it was just the excitement of the moment?'' Aventurine nodded, gently squeezing Phainon’s fingers as he saw him looking so… subdued.
''It wasn’t nerves… it was fear. Because even at that very special moment… when I touched Mydei’s hands, I saw his golden blood on my hands again. I felt as though I was back in that moment, in that endless series of moments when I was forced to kill him… even though I know that not only does he forgive me, but he’s here, by my side, alive.''
Aventurine nodded, gently squeezing the Elysian’s hand to show him her comfort. ''It’s normal to be afraid, Aven. And even more so when… when our lives haven’t been easy at all.'' Aventurine nodded in agreement, resisting the urge to scratch the mark on her neck again. ''But in the short time I spent with you as a child, you gave me a sense of calm and happiness that I always missed during my own childhood.
At last I feel that sense of security I see in Mydei with Gorgo, or in Cipher with Aglaea, or Hyacine and Castorice with Anaxa.
If you managed to be my safe haven when I arrived unannounced, just imagine if I were to be wanted? Like that little girl is?’’
Aventurine sighed, overwhelmed by Phainon’s words, nodding at him when he demanded a reply.
''You’re going to be a brilliant father, Aven.'' Phainon looked up at Ratio, who was watching the two of them with boundless affection. ''You’re both going to be brilliant parents.''
Ratio nodded confidently at those words, moving to stand beside his beloved and stroking his back. ''Come on, mea vita. Our daughter is waiting for us.''
Aventurine nodded, his fear still lingering within him but with a renewed sense of energy and determination that he needed deep down, following Phainon wherever he might lead them to the orphanage that his now beloved husband had set up, so they could return home with one more family member.
A life that, this time, Aventurine would indeed manage to protect and cherish, just as he had always wanted to.
