Chapter Text
"Lydia? What are you doing here?" Glam asked, he wasn't sure if he could believe what he was seeing, his sister was the last person on earth that he expected to see on his house.
"Sebastian..." Lydia said taking a step forward, "I, I wanted to talk to you"
Glam sighed, "You got everything you wanted out of the will Lydia, everything you stayed for, what do you want to talk about?" He asked.
Glam didn't wanted to talk to her, but there was something in her eyes when he looked at her -a certain pain- that made him soften. So they went to talk to Glam's studio.
- - -
He was waiting for her to begin, she was fidgeting, and visibly nervous but SHE came to his house and she was the one who wanted to talk, it might be petty but he didn't felt like doing it any easier for her
"I, I don't know how to apologise Sebastian..."
Apologise.
Something he never thought they'll do.
The air left his lungs
"Apologise," Glam said grimacing, "what for Lydia?" He asked, still not sure what this was truly about, still not sure if he could trust her, if he could believe her apparently good intentions.
"Everything," she said wringing her hands together, "I should, I should have done so many things differently," she said stumbling with her words, unshed tears making her eyes all shiny, "I was a terrible sister."
"What's done is done Lydia," Glam told her sadly, "there's nothing we can do about it, but you weren't that bad..." he said remembering the brief but good moments they shared; the exasperated glances when their dad wasn't looking, the complicit smiles, the gentle care with wich she tended his wounds.
Unfortunately, they shared more pain than joy; the same despair, the same anger, the same sadness, and they both felt betrayed on their own way.
Lydia scoffed, she couldn't believe Sebastian was still defending her, even if just a little; 'you weren't that bad' after everything she had done and said... but her brother had always been sensitive, too kind; something their father mistook for weakness, but it wasn't. Lydia knew that now.
"I should have listened to you when you asked me to join you, I should have left" she said tiredly.
She could have, he had practically begged her to do it. But she didn't.
Glam shook his head, he refused to waste time thinking over and over about what could have been, it was useless. It was like what he had told Victoria in that park many years ago; the past was gone, no sense talking about it.
Except that he had realized recently that if you hide your scars, that doesn't necesarily means that they'll heal, or that they'll stop hurting; that maybe sometimes you have to bleed and cry, no matter how much it hurts, but you have to let out the pain or else it can choke you.
Glam thought he had let the past behind, but it was both figuratively and literally chasing him.
"Everything was so fucked up growing up, it took me a long time to realize that it could be different, that it should be different," Lydia said, "I thought I was being strong but, I was being just like him. I woke up one day and it disgusted me to realize I was exactly like Gustav Shvagenbagen." Lydia said breathing agitatedly, rogue tears finally rolling down her cheeks.
Just like him.
Vile thoughts came to Glam's mind for a second; angry, venomous words tried to get out of his mouth; words that he knew would hurt Lydia. Some were things that he had really thought when everything had happened all those years ago, when he had felt hurt and betrayed and abandoned, when his pain was fresh, and he was filled with red hot anger that... he didn't felt anymore.
Now there was just cold emptiness and sadness.
He sighed. "If it makes you feel any better... It can be different Lydia, I see it every day," Glam said smiling while he thought about his strange but loving family, "and I must confess that sometimes... I'm like him too, but I'm working on it."
Lydia's heart raced, she didn't knew what to expect when she came here, but she was feeling something now that she rarely felt in her life; she was feeling hopeful.
"I know I was a bitch at the funeral," she admitted with a pained expression, "part of me has been so mad at you for years, I resented you for leaving, for being free of him." Lydia said
A part of Glam had been mad at her too, mad at Lydia, mad at their mother for not standing up for any of them, not even herself...
"I always knew he was a horrible man, we all did," Lydia told him looking away, to ashamed to meet his eyes, "but I never realized the extent of what he could do until you left, until I was the only one left on the other side of his anger... and I'm so sorry Sebastian"
"Lydia..." Glam said in a pained, hushed voice. He had tried very hard over the years to not think about the bruises he saw on her sister's skin the last time he saw her, about what might happen to her. He had been mad at her for not leaving, for not doing something, but that didn't meant he wanted her to suffer.
Gustav had ruined his childhood and tainted part of his youth; his angry words sometimes still remained in the back of his head, haunting him; but Glam had break free of his chains, he had made a life of his own. Lydia had chosen to stay in Shvagenbagen hell.
"I'm sorry Sebastian! I knew! I knew that he hitted you. I knew of his impossible, always growing demands," she cried, "but I didn't realised that he was being softer on me all those years, because I was a girl!!" She said rolling her eyes and gesturing angrily with her hands, "because all he expected of me was to be a proper lady to marry me off on the first opportunity... but he stopped holding back after you left, and I blamed you, I thought it all was because of the anger that your leaving caused him, but that's how he always was to you, wasn't he?" She asked him.
"Yeah... he never meassured us with the same standards" he admitted.
"Although he did hit us with the same ruler..." Lydia said trying to make a joke, her sense of humor had always been on the darker side.
Glam scoffed and a corner of his mouth went slightly up, similing despite the terrible subject of their conversation, "he was always a man of traditions" he said matching Lydias tone, "but we can leave them behind."
"It took me an emabarrassing amount of time to understand and accept that none of what happened to me was your fault, it was only his... and mine, I made my choices." Lydia sighed, wiping away her tears with a slightly shaking hand.
"We both did," Glam said offering her a tissue, kicking himself for not doing it before, "but at least now you're like filthy rich right?" He asked in a teasing tone, arching a brow and hoping to lighten the mood.
"Shut up," she complained smiling and they both laughed. "I know that we were never that close..." she said tentatively "but I would really like to get to know my brother, and to be a family, for real this time" she said holding onto her seat, her heart beating rapidly against her chest.
She was so hopeful that if her brother said no, she knew her new found spirit would be even more wounded than it already was, she might just drop dead on the spot.
"I'm quite different..." he warned her, "Sebastian exists only on paper now Lydia, I go by Glam now"
"Okay..." she said not being sure if that was the start of a yes or a no, "I can understand that"
Glam thought about what was he going to say next, he thought about the family he already had, the family he had built; he wondered if Lydia could fit in it at all. He wasn't sure, but he wanted to find out. Glam took a deep breath in, and then exhaled.
"Okay Lydia" he said nodding, "let's try it"
- - -
"Was it ever better?" He asked after they talked for a while "I don't regret my choices -at all- but, sometimes I wonder if there was any other way, if it could have been easier..."
"Well, he only got angrier and colder over time, if you can believe it," she smiled despite everything, "but eventually he was old enough to be easy to ignore, all his hatred ended up making him sick and weak. But, no, I wouldn't say it was better" Lydia said.
"I'm sorry" Glam said grimacing, regretting that he asked.
"It's not your fault that I was stupid and greedy and too coward to leave" she said waving her hand like she could shake off the bad memories.
"You're not stupid, you never were."
"I appreciate the sentiment but believe me Glam," she said still getting used to the new name, "I was stupid, stupid enough to get engaged with the rich asshole that he picked out for me"
"Lydia!" He said, his eyes big with surprise "you didn't..."
"I did" she said sounding embarrassed but amused, it hadn't been easy, but now she was able to laugh about it.
"You're married?" He asked "I don't remember seeing your husband at the funeral but I was kind of out of it"
"I'm a widow" Lydia said shrugging.
"Did you killed him?" Glam asked with a serious tone but a teasing look in his eyes, trying to supress a smile.
"I did not!" She protested, "he had an accident"
"You totally killed him" he said jokingly, a chuckle breaking through his serious facade.
"I wish," Lydia said laughing, "actually he... overdosed," she said, her laughter dying down, "but the official report was that he had a heart attack, you can imagine the scandal that the truth would have caused..." she said rolling her eyes, "not that I particularly cared, he was an idiot and a brute, not so different from our dad"
"I'm sorry" he said honestly; he didn't knew Lydia's husband, but he knew people who struggled with addictions, like Ches, he knew what it did to them, to the people around them; but Ches had always been a good man at heart, and according to Lydia, her husband wasn't.
"It sucked," she said and sighed tiredly, "but it was just me dealing with the consequences of my choices... I told you I was stupid." She said with a smirk.
"Okay, yeah, you totally were Lydia, what the hell?" Glam asked her teasingly, making her chuckle.
"I didn't felt sad when he died, you know?" She told him, "I was so... relieved, I felt that way when dad died too, like a weight over my shoulders had finally vanished and I could just breath" Lydia said looking at her hands, she was afraid of finding judgement in her brother's eyes.
"Now you're finally free" he said smiling softly.
Lydia looked up and sighed relieved "Yeah," she smiled, a couple tears falling from her eyes that she hurriedly wiped off, "I am."
She was excited for this new chapter of her life.
- - -
Eventually Lydia meets Chase, it's hard for her to look past his disheveled exterior but she finds out he's actually quite smart and very musicaly talented, wich she respects.
She still thinks Victoria is a beast and that she has no manners but she respects her streght and lowkey admires her for being a strong, independent woman who takes no shit from anyone; she still wishes she was a little more femenine tho but to everyones surprise they get a long quite well.
Lydia's a little anxious when she meets Dee and Heavy, I mean she already knew them, as in, she saw them that one time and briefly talked to Dee that other in time in wich she implied she was afraid that Glam hurt him... but yeah, she didn't really spend time with kids (at all) not since she was one as well, Dee is very mature (or he tries to pretend that), he's a very smart boy and he seems to be the least explosive/loud out of the family, she likes that, it reminds her of her, and Heavy is... well, a lot but he's lovely in his own way... almost like a puppy but she doesn't say that to his parents...
- - -