Chapter Text
Kinger hated that damn calendar that hung in the kitchen. He hated how he always knew what day it was without ever losing track. He hated how his mind always correlated it with Caine's disappearance.
“400 days…” Kinger mumbled. “Whop-dee-doo…”
He was alone that afternoon. Everyone was at work, and they took the truck with them. Despite most of them being declared deceased, Pomni was able to get a shitty truck in her name for them all to ride into town. The ones who were legally still alive got actual jobs. Jax worked at a grocery store while Pomni restarted her accounting career. Ragatha worked at a small coffee establishment that paid cash, while Gangle and Zooble worked at a bar that was the first thing you'd see while walking to town.
He tuned his radio to the local news channel. “...And finally for today's county announcements, there will be an opening sale at the newest Chief Cheap market on the west side of our county seat. Sales are as much as 90% off, so be sure to visit!”
Kinger hummed in amusement. He hadn't been to the store in a while. Every time he saw those woods it remind him of-
And he wasn't much of a walker anyway, at least not while alone. But 90% fit perfectly in his budget, and he had nothing else to do.
He put on his walking shoes, a t-shirt with a tanktop underneath just in case he got too hot, some cargo shorts he’d had in the cabin since before the circus, and left the cabin.
The quiet was something Kinger slowly got himself used to. There was no one at home for most of the day, unless someone took a day off. Sometimes he’d have the radio on to drown out his thoughts, but other times he’d forget and he stuck talking to himself.
He’d sit in his old timey recliner, and wonder where Caine-
But there was no time to think about any of that now. He should be focused on going to that store before it closed. It was all the way across town, on the west side where the sun sank into the ground. The town itself was very long indeed. It was more of a city than a town, in fact.
Kinger’s legs were already starting to burn as he was just reaching the first building. It was the bar Zooble worked at along with Gangle.
Zooble still felt guilty about Caine. Despite how they hated him, they still felt awful for making him leave.
Kinger passed by, peering into the doorway. He couldn’t see either of them working, so he moved along.
He next passed the coffee shop where Ragatha worked. There was a big window that showed the counter. Ragatha noticed him, and gave him a big wave, to which he returned the favor. She seemed happy working there, even if it wasn’t close to what her original job was.
He took a short rest on a bench at a small park in the middle of the city. It was still pretty warm out. Kinger was sweating enough to feel the need to take his shirt off. He stuffed it into his bag before continuing his walk. If he didn’t then, he wouldn’t have at all due to his legs still feeling the burn. He contemplated waiting around Pomni’s work and hitching a ride from her back home.
He was always curious how Caine walked so far away in whatever direction after jumping out that win-
“Stop it, Kinger…” Kinger mumbled to himself. He didn’t often use his circus name out loud. After Caine left, everyone started going by their actual names. Kinger still often spaced out even when someone said ‘Grant’ to him.
Next, he walked past the grocery store where Jax worked. He couldn’t even see the registers inside, but he knew Jax was most likely slumped over the register, bored out of his mind. Kinger always wondered how he’d never been reported missing despite arriving even before Gangle did.
Kinger had been long ‘deceased,’ and with his mental state not being too well, the others advised for him to just stay home while they all worked. It was so painfully boring there, all alone, without his son-
“Damn it…” He mumbled again. He had to stop thinking about it. Just the mystery of it tortured him. “Just… Stop.” He told himself.
He was almost to the store. He could see it. It was a small chain store, the chain itself being pretty new and not too branched-out. They had been almost begging for employees a while back. Kinger heard all about it on the radio. That radio was the only thing keeping him sane.
His legs felt like they were going to fall apart. He was definitely going to bum a ride from Pomni on his way back. It was almost time for her to get off work anyway, and she always picked Jax and Ragatha up on her way back. He always wondered how Pomni kept Jax and Ragatha from trying to kill each other while in that cramped truck.
Kinger sighed with relief once he walked in. According to one of the clocks in the store, it was 30 minutes until closing. Most of the good deals were gone, but Kinger was still able to find a few cool knick-knacks and even a few shirts.
At checkout, a woman with red hair tied up in a tight ponytail bagged his items. “Sorry I took a second to get up here. Most of the others have clocked out already, so I’m forced to close tonight.”
Kinger chuckled. “It’s not a problem at all, I did get here rather late anyways. So much for walking...”
“It looks like you walked pretty far.” The woman said with a smile.
Kinger thanked the woman, before leaving with his newly purchased items. He put the items in his bag so he didn’t have to carry everything with both hands. He was already quite tired. He hadn’t walked that far in a long time.
He walked past the parking lot. A man stood outside of a car, leaning against it while still in his Chief Cheap uniform. His hair was short and black with red streaks dyed into it. He had a small beard as well as a small mustache. He was reading a book Kinger couldn’t quite see the cover of.
He almost looked like…
No, it couldn’t have been. Caine was dead.
No! No he wasn’t! Caine was alive somewhere, happy and safe.
…Was this where he was, being happy and safe?
Kinger squinted to read the nametag on the man’s shirt. ‘Rainer,’ it read.
It was too close to be a coincidence. It had to be him.
But it couldn’t be. Why would Caine be there? Who’s car was he leaning against? Who put those streaks in his hair?
The man looked up at Kinger. His eyes widened. He put the book down, shutting it without marking his spot.
Then, he started to back away.
He looked hurt, like someone had just called him something nasty. His eyes locked onto Kinger’s as he took steps away from the older man.
Meanwhile, Kinger’s heart practically stopped. 400 days since he’d failed Caine, since he couldn’t make his life worth living at the cabin, and there he was. Standing in the parking lot of a discount store, healthy and clean and happy.
Why couldn’t Kinger give him this life?
Kinger took a step forward, which made Caine break out into a run. Tears streamed down his face as he panickedly sprinted inside of the store. Kinger could tell he was about to have some sort of panic attack.
Kinger wanted to follow him, to hug him, to tell him he missed him so much and couldn’t ever stop thinking about him no matter how hard he tried.
But it was obvious that Caine didn’t return that sentiment.
Kinger walked away, making his way towards Pomni’s workplace. His legs still hurt from all that walking.
~~~~~
Kinger sat in Pomni’s truck alone while they both waited for Jax to be done with his shift. Kinger was eerily quiet, his eyes wide as he stared out the window. Pomni knew something was very wrong. Kinger was never quiet like this.
“What did you see?” Pomni asked.
Kinger turned towards her. He took a breath of preparation. He knew she wouldn’t judge him if he confided in her. He knew she was just as curious about Caine as he was, albeit not as guilty about everything.
“I saw him.” Kinger replied. Pomni looked confused for a moment. Then her eyes widened in realization. “He’s working at the new discount store on the west end. He’s healthy, by the looks of it. He looked content too…”
Pomni could tell Kinger was fighting tears. “It wasn’t you who made him run, Grant.”
“But it was. I didn’t take care of him well enough. I couldn’t make him happy enough to want to live, so he ran away to find that pleasure somewhere else.” Kinger said, as if he’d rehearsed the same sentences to himself in his mind.
“You need to find him again. Talk to him. Apologize.” Pomni advised. “He most likely won’t listen at first, but at least you’ll have a little bit of closure.”
Kinger took another deep breath. “I guess I could try and swing by tomorrow… But, I don’t know, he looked pretty panicked when I began to approach him.”
Pomni nodded. “I mean, he hasn’t seen you in over a year. I would expect that. But, still, I’d try and talk to him.”
Kinger took in the lass’s words. “Thank you, Kristy. I feel like you’re the only one I can talk to about this.”
Pomni smiled in return, a wave of guilt washing over her. She still hadn’t told him about her last interaction with the younger man, and she didn’t intend to.
~~~~~~
Kinger hardly slept that night. He laid in his lonely bed in his empty room. He had one of Caine’s fiction books in his lap, reading it just to occupy his mind. He’d noticed one of them had gone missing a while back. Witches, by Ronald Dahl. That must’ve been the book Caine had with him.
“He’s not Caine anymore…” Kinger mumbled. He was Rainer now. Did anyone call him Raine for short? Or was that too close to Caine? Did he have anyone to call him nicknames? Surely he had friends, he had a job. Maybe that cashier woman was his friend? What was her name…?
Kinger shut the book, not being able to focus on it now that his creation re-entered his mind. He’d been kept up all night on other nights wondering about him, but it was different this time. This time, he knew where Caine was. He knew he was alive, and safe, and healthy, and not dead, and alive. The thing was, he didn’t know what to do about it.
He’d brainstormed what he’d do before. He’d have daydreams of Caine knocking on the door on a rainy night. Kinger would be the only one awake, and he’d answer the door. Caine would be standing there, all soggy and wet and cold. He’d fall into Kinger’s arms, sobbing sadly. His voice would shake as he’d say, “I’m sorry, I missed you.”
And Kinger would hug him back. And he’d reply with, “No, I’m sorry, my son.” And then Kinger would fix him up a peanut butter sandwich, his favorite of the small amounts of food he'd tried, and they’d sit on the comfy couch while Kinger explained all of Caine’s Ronald Dahl books to him. Then, they’d get too tired, so they’d retire into bed. Kinger would tuck his son in, go to sleep, and wake up to see his boy sleeping happily, lit up by the morning sun peeking through the window.
But that was only a day dream. It was one Kinger stopped hoping for a long time ago, but Caine’s, or Rainer, is back now.
Though, he really wasn’t. Kinger was terrified of the thought that he left town that night, and now he would never see his creator again. Even if that didn’t happen, it’s not like he was going to show up, open to reconnecting. If anything, he was going to avoid Kinger like the plague.
Kinger re-opened the book, and forced himself to focus on it until he was too tired to read the words. He went to sleep, ready to talk to his son the next day.
~~~~~~
He woke up bright and early, feeling like he hadn’t sleep at all. His watch said it was 6:30am. Pomni left for work at 7:00am.
Kinger got out of bed quickly and threw on his best polo and pants he had. He put a jacket on ontop, just in case the morning chill lasted for longer than he could handle.
He went downstairs, where Pomni was awake in the kitchen. She was microwaving herself some pre-made mini pancakes she’d found discounted at the store Jax worked at. She bid Kinger a good morning once she noticed him. “Do you want me to give you a ride there?”
Kinger got himself some coffee. He knew he’d need it. “Yes, please, if you have room.”
Pomni smiled. “I’ll make Jared sit in the truck bed.” She joked. “You may have to walk back, unless you want to wait until 5:00pm.”
Kinger shrugged. “I’ll probably end up walking back.”
~~~~
Kinger really didn’t know what to say once the others saw him getting into the truck. He was unsure about telling all of them about Caine. Ragatha could possibly be supportive, Jax would either say Kinger was hallucinating or just wouldn’t care, but Gangle and Zooble…
Zooble thought Caine was dead. Zooble thought they’d driven Caine to suicide. The thought clearly ate at them every day. No one ever mentioned Caine around them, just to make sure they wouldn’t attempt anything. Gangle also didn’t like to think about Caine, partly because Caine could’ve easily strangled Zooble to death if it weren’t for Kinger’s interference.
So, when Kinger was asked why he was in the truck along with everyone else, he lied and said he just wanted to stay in town for the day to do some shopping and get out of the house. No one questioned him. They nodded, and started their own conversations.
Kinger hadn’t been in a vehicle in a while, besides the ride home he’d gotten the day prior. He missed listening to the radio with the windows cracked for that nice breeze. He especially missed driving with his wife. She’d always keep him entertained, especially while on longer drives.
The thought of missing led his mind back to Caine. His heart raced as he brainstormed what he’d say to him, and how he’d approach him without looking insane to any other bystanders. He really hoped Caine was going to work that day so his anxiety wasn’t prolonged.
His heart was practically running a 5k in his chest once Pomni was pulling into her workplace. She noticed Kinger’s nervousness by the way his hands shook slightly, and how the older man was zoned out almost the whole ride.
“Just breathe, Grant.” Kinger didn’t seem to hear her. “Kinger?” He was snapped out of his thoughts from the mention of his circus name. “You’ve got this. Have you thought of what you wanted to say yet?”
Shit. He thought. He had a slight idea, but nothing major. “I… I’m going to apologize, I know that for sure.” Pomni nodded, motioning for him to keep speaking. “And… I’m going to tell him that I’ve missed him, and that I’m so happy he’s alive. And if he lets me, I’m going to ask how he’s been. I’m quite curious.”
“I am too. I’m excited for you, Kinger.” Pomni beamed. “Now, I gotta get in the office before my boss flips his shit. See you at home?”
Kinger smiled. “Yes, I’ll see you there.”