Chapter Text
“Cas …” Dean whispers.
He stares at the man in front of him with wide eyes – this beautiful, gorgeous man – and isn't sure how to process all of this. Dean feels like he's been hit by a huge truck, including the shock and pain and very bad taste in his mouth.
“Maggie needed my trust,” Castiel continues, his eyes still fixed on the ground. “She knew … she knew I wouldn't haven kept her gift close with me otherwise.”
Dean isn't much for resurrection and necromancy, but right he wishes more than anything that he'd have the power to rise this woman from her grave and punch her in the face.
Really hard.
“Till this day I still don't know how she managed to deceive me.” Castiel's voice sounds croaked, broken. “Normally I would have noticed immediately that something wasn't right, but somehow … she found a very powerful spell.” He bites his lip. “A spell that was most likely activated when I was surrounded by a large number of dragons.”
His family.
At the daily meal.
Dean can't even imagine what that must have felt like. To lose your family like this … Dean tries to picture someone using and manipulating him like that to kill everyone he loved – and the thought is so fucking awful that his throat tightens uncomfortably.
“Fourteen dragons died that day,” Castiel explains quietly. “Among them our highest ranked. Michael and Naomi. Joshua.” He lowers his gaze. “And there was Samandriel …”
The grief and sorrow in his voice is audible and Dean feels like his heart is ripped out of his chest. Castiel didn't tell him that much about Samandriel, but it had been more than enough for Dean to realize that he considered the dragon a younger brother he had to protect at all costs.
And Dean can relate to the feeling very well.
“Cas …” he whispers eventually after the dragon falls silent.
What do you say in a situation like this? Sorry that my ancestor screwed you over? Wanna have a cookie?
“That's why you freaked out when you discovered my family history, right?” he asks. “It … it was like your worst nightmare coming true.”
Castiel glances up for a split second, his eyes so bright and sad that Dean doesn't really know how to deal with it. “Yes,” he confesses.
Dean shakes his head. “Why didn't you run away that day?”
“Because you asked me not to.”
It's so simple. So easy.
But Dean recalls Castiel's face from that specific day. How shocked he'd been, how he took off without saying so much as a word, how he packed his things and was ready to leave.
Until Dean stopped him.
“You should have gone far far away,” Dean realizes and it hurts so much to even think that, though it's the truth.
Castiel's head snaps upwards at those words. “You think …?”
“Cas, staying here … my whole freaking family is a constant reminder what happened to you!” Dean states, fighting back his overboiling emotions. “Not to mention the danger if my mom or my grandpa or whoever would learn about your true identity. Why would you stay at a place like this? Because a stupid, unimportant human used the puppy eyes on you?”
A series of different expressions flickers over Castiel's face, obviously uncertain which one is supposed to be the most prominent one.
“You are neither stupid nor unimportant,” Castiel finally settles on, emphasizing every single word with as much determination he's able to muster. And it's a lot.
“Cas …”
“No, Dean!” Castiel interrupts and he's actually growling. “Yes, I was caught off guard when I learned about your family history. And yes, I was caught off guard when your mother turned up out of nowhere and I realized she looks just like Maggie. It's a messy situation, I admit to that!” He takes a deep breath and Dean swears he sees something supernatural gleaming in Castiel's eyes. “But I don't regret staying here, with you. It's the greatest blessing.”
Dean swallows. He can't recall that anyone ever spoke about him that way.
“You brought me back to life,” Castiel continues, now with a small smile curling up his lips. “You showed what it means to be alive again. I don't know what would have happened without you by my side.”
Dean merely gapes.
What are you supposed to say in a situation like this? He never experienced it before, only saw it in cheesy rom-coms and he's not exactly sure he should take them as a basis for any kind of reaction to this groundbreaking confession.
And since he's never been good with words in the first place and he probably would make a fool of himself by trying to come up with a half-decent response, he simply does the one thing he's actually good at: He surges forward and captures Castiel's lips in an intense kiss.
Dean is desperate to show him everything he's unable to verbalize with his touch instead. He lets his instincts take over, listens to his heart that is beating like crazy, on the verge of crushing his ribcage, and hopes that Castiel will get the message.
The kiss is soft and slow and gentle and just about everything Dean would like to put into words if he wouldn't have been such a failure at vocalizing his feelings. He pulls Castiel outrageously closer while simultaneously sending a lot of prayers into the sky, to every deity ready to listen, that he would never have to loose this again.
* * * * * *
Dean doesn't know how long they stay like that, deep within each other's spaces, sharing their breaths, switching between kisses and embraces.
Maybe just about ten minutes. But perhaps even hours.
Dean can't really tell and in the end it doesn't matter. The only thing that is important is the fact that Castiel seems to relax the longer they hold each other close. The tension drains out of his body bit by bit, leaving him a lot calmer than before.
“So,” Dean eventually raises his voice, his lips stretching into a grin. “You're ready for our second date?”
Castiel blinks a few times, obviously surprised by Dean's proposition. He studies the man in front of him intensely, squinting his eyes and looking like a goddamned puppy in the process. “What?”
“Our second date,” Dean repeats, beaming. “I thought about movie and some dinner. I know, not very original and whatever, but I guess it's our thing somehow and I kinda like it that way.” He shrugs. “I planned on taking you to a movie theater because I'm sure you'd love the super big screen, but if you wanna stay here that'd be cool with me too.”
Castiel narrows his eyes, apparently considering whether Dean lost his mind or not. “You … want to go out? Now?”
“Yeah, why not?” Dean tries for casual, like the whole situation is just a normal occurrence.
And well, of course nothing right now is fucking normal and maybe it's a colossally bad idea to go to a happy date after the guy just told him the story of how his family died, but deep down Dean just knows that Castiel needs this right now. He's got no use for pity or misplaced guilt or whatever. He doesn't need Dean to tell him how sorry he is over and over again while simultaneously apologizing for his mom's mere existence and hugging him tightly like he's a fragile doll that could break at any moment.
Castiel knows the pain. Felt it for two-hundred years while rotting all by himself in that tiny cave.
He doesn't need to feel it anew.
“But … the barbecue? Your family?” Castiel asks. He sounds tentative.
And hopeful.
“They'll survive without me,” Dean counters, shrugging.
“But –”
“Okay, Cas, listen!” Dean cuts in. “I want a date and you could need some distraction after all this ugly mess. It's a win-win for both of us, don't you think?”
Castiel, however, doesn't seem wholly convinced yet. “But … you were looking forward to this barbecue. You listed all the different types of steaks you wanted to eat for half an hour the other day.”
Dean bites his bottom lip. “Yeah, what can I say? You're more important than some steaks.”
Castiel looks kinda sad all of a sudden. “I don't want to ruin your fun. You can go back and I –”
Dean interrupts him with a kiss because whatever self-sacrificing bullshit Castiel has to say, he doesn't need to hear it. “It wouldn't be fun anymore without you there, Cas.”
Castiel's features turn tender as he cups Dean's cheek and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Dean's mouth. “Then I would be honored to visit a movie theater with you. I'm quite curious about it, I have to confess.”
Dean chuckles. “I bet.”
He struggles to his feet quite ungracefully and drags Castiel to his feet as well. “I'm just sending Sam a quick text, letting him know that we won't be back” he says, rummaging inside his pockets for his phone.
In the meantime the corners of Castiel's mouth droop. “I would have loved to meet him today.”
Dean smiles sympathetically. “Yeah, I know. But don't worry, you'll meet soon enough. He's really excited to get to know the boyfriend and all, so he'll probably move heaven and earth to make it come true as soon as humanly possible.”
Dean grins brightly, already picturing Sam nagging him all day long to finally meet this new person in his brother's life. And usually the thought alone would have been annoying as hell and Dean would have done everything in his power to avoid that somehow, but now he feels nothing but contentment. He wants Sam to meet Castiel, rather sooner than later.
Fingers interlacing with his suddenly interrupt his chain of thoughts and he turns his attention immediately toward Castiel who smiles easily at him.
“Boyfriend?”
Dean raises his brows and for a second he's got no idea what the dragon is implying. And then it hits him.
“Um …”
There is an amused twinkle in Castiel's eyes. “It's a special term for people in a relationship, am I right?”
Dean fights back a blush. “Uh, well … yeah, I guess.”
Castiel tightens his grip. “Do you wish to use this term in the future for the both of us?”
Dean finds himself nodding and shaking his head at the same time, making himself dizzy. “It's … it's a stupid word. Way too high school.” He straightens his back. “I mean, you're a motherfucking dragon, for crying out loud! You're nobody's 'boyfriend'.”
It sounds all kinds of ridiculous.
And still sorta nice.
Castiel gifts him with an easy smile. “Dragons use the term 'mate', but I guess that's not appropriate for our situation, am I right?”
Dean snorts when he imagines introducing Castiel as his 'mate' to his family and friends. “Yeah, no, that's really not working.”
He can't help thinking that every term he's able to come up with is way to inadequate and wrong to describe the relationship they have. Boyfriends, partners, mates – it all makes him cringe somehow. It makes him squirm even considering them for a split second.
And obviously Castiel seems to sense his unease. “It doesn't matter what we call each other. Those are simply words, so unimportant in the big picture. We just know that I am yours and you are mine.”
And there it is once again, Castiel being so open and blunt like Dean very rarely experienced it before. It makes his insides warm and his cheeks heat.
“Uh … I guess,” Dean mutters, incapable of saying anything else.
And what is there to add anyway?
So he just takes Castiel's hand, squeezes it tightly before leading him toward the Impala, eager to make their second as awesome as possible.
* * * * *
As expected Castiel loves the movie theater.
He's fascinated by the sheer size of everything, gaping at the screen like a child experiencing the whole movie thing for the very first time. Much sooner than usually he's sucked into the story, making all different kind of noises and tuning out everything around him except for the superheroes trying to save the world.
More than once he expresses his deep admiration for humanity's achievements in the last centuries, apparently fairly impressed with the fact that they were able to create visual stories without using even a shred of magic. He asks all sorts of questions, wondering about the mechanics behind all of this, and Dean tries to give some moderately good answers while subtly checking google because he's sure as hell has got no real idea how most of this works as well.
But his replies seem to be satisfying enough, considering Castiel's attentive nods and small smiles.
And Dean can't really be bothered when Castiel eventually starts to wonder whether the whole tradition of making-out in movie theaters is a real thing that happens and immediately goes for it before Dean is even able to respond.
Yeah, best date ever!
At the end they missed half of the movie and neither of them is exactly fazed by that.
Afterwards Dean contemplates taking Castiel to his favorite diner in the area, but since the dragon still appears to be a little edgy around too much people Dean just grabs some burgers to go, drives to a nice spot at the town's border where they're only surrounded by silence and nature and eat their food in the Impala while watching the sunset.
It's super cheesy and corny, but Dean can't bring himself to care.
Especially because Castiel spends most of the time talking about weirdly shaped cat's penises and that somehow kills any kind of romance that might have flared up. But he looks so damned happy rambling about some genitals that Dean doesn't protest.
Hell, the whole thing is so freaking Cas that Dean's unable to fight back a stupid and probably very lovesick looking smile.
So yes, all in all it seems like the date had been a big success.
At least Castiel looks content and hums a random tune when they find themselves in front of Dean's house again. Admittedly, he's still subliminally scanning the area, as if deep down he's still expecting Mary or even a whole army of hunters to jump out of a dark corner the next second, but he doesn't appear as strained as a few hours ago.
“Thank you, Dean,” he says when they exit the car. “This meant a lot to me.”
Dean merely shrugs like it hadn't been a big deal (and that's actually the truth because going to the movies with Castiel and eating some awesome food afterwards - it's not exactly a sacrifice or something). “Anytime, Cas.”
He gravitates closer to the man as if his own body can't help itself and Castiel gifts him with a soft smile. “Nonetheless, thank you. You have been an excellent distraction.”
Dean grins. “Just tell me the next time you want to be distracted. I'm quite amazing at that.”
“You most certainly are,” Castiel agrees in a teasing tone. He even winks, probably an attempt to try some flirting, and though he looks a bit awkward it's clearly the most endearing thing Dean has ever seen. So he can't be blamed for leaning in and locking their lips, public display be damned.
Castiel makes a surprised noise and hesitates for a split second before responding in kind, dragging Dean closer and smiling into the kiss.
“Dean?” he asks when they eventually pull apart a bit.
“Yeah?” Dean responds, pleasantly dazed.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?”
Dean momentarily freezes hearing those words, staring at the man in his arms with wide eyes. He expected a lot of things that might happen this day, but Castiel bluntly asking for sex wasn't seriously one of them.
Not even close.
Dean stays utterly speechless and stock-still for way too long, probably looking like an idiot with his jaw slack and a dumb expression on his face, but he can't help himself. His brain feels like it's been fried and he' not exactly sure if he'll ever be able to make a coherent thought again at some point in his life.
The only thing he's certain of is that his body and especially his dick are very much on board with the idea.
But still …
“Um …” Dean eventually mutters, meeting Castiel's patient gaze. “Do you … do you really think … that's a good idea?”
Some disappointment crosses Castiel's features, but it's way too quick to be absolutely sure. Instead he settles for an easy smile and says, “It's okay, Dean. I never meant to ask too much from you. This is all very new …”
“It's not – not that I don't want to!” Dean hurries to say, feeling somewhat desperate all of a sudden. The mental picture of Castiel detaching himself from him and disappearing into the dark pops up in Dean's mind with full force and it's, without any doubt, the last thing he wants to come true. “But I think … I mean …” He takes a deep breath. “Meeting my mom and talking about your past – it's just so much all at once! You're quite emotional right now and that's totally understandable, but – I just … I'd like to, very much, to do … well, that with you, but –“ He shuts his eyes for a second and curses his own fumbling. “I'm not sure it's the right time, Cas …”
Instead of being weirded out by Dean's awkward fidgeting there is understanding reflecting in Castiel's eyes and he starts to chuckle quietly while studying Dean as though he's the most precious being he ever encountered. “I'm happy to hear that you would like to become intimate with me very much,” he says, amused. “But I actually meant if I could sleep with you tonight. As in, share a bed, close my eyes and hope for some unconsciousness.”
And wow, doesn't Dean feel like the biggest moron ever now.
A flush rises up his cheeks in record time and he quickly hides his face in Castiel's neck. “I'm so stupid,” he mumbles into Castiel's skin.
The other man laughs lightly. “No, you're not. I phrased it poorly, I'm sorry.” He cards his fingers through Dean's hair. “It's just … I don't want to be alone tonight. Anna planned to stay at Charlie's for the weekend and though she texted me several times now, offering to come home, I told her not to worry. She feels guilty enough about the whole thing as it is.”
Dean can't help nodding in agreement. He remembers Anna's voice breaking when she told Dean that she wished she would have done more for Castiel. And he can imagine her clinging onto Castiel as soon as he would ask her to come back, blaming herself for her brother's inner turmoil.
“I told her I would stay with you,” Castiel continues. “That seemed to calm her down a bit. She even sent some emojis.” Dean feels Castiel's smile against his temple. “I hope I wasn't too forward with my messages?”
“No, you weren't,” Dean instantly jumps in. “Of course you can stay with me.”
Dean feels a bit like in a haze when he takes hold of Castiel's hand and leads him into the house. He makes a quick stop in the kitchen and pushes a bottle of water into the dragon's grasp, mumbling something about hydration he read in the newspaper some time ago, before pulling him toward his bedroom without much further ado.
He's got seriously no time to overthink any of this because otherwise he would have a minor or even a major freak out.
He would think about the fact that actually no one ever spent the night in that room aside from himself before, even the few random hookups he had in the past, and that it's a huge step for him to open his own personal space for someone else.
Instead he directs Castiel into the bathroom, talking about spare toothbrushes and washcloths like a man on drugs, and rushes toward the bed to make it somewhat presentable and maybe fluff the pillows or something.
Just about anything to ignore his mad heartbeat.
Just when he's about to change for the night he starts to hesitate. Normally he just sleeps in boxers and that's about it, but that seems not very appropriate right now. He stares at his closet for way too long, considering whether some sweatpants wouldn't be too hot in the long run, driving himself crazy. Eventually he settles on a simple shirt and crawls underneath the covers, hoping that Castiel wouldn't mind his decision.
And when Castiel exits the bathroom a few minutes later, only in boxer briefs and nothing else, Dean's doubts fly out of the window pretty soon.
He finds himself gasping at Castiel, his very naked chest and the strong thighs and calves, and his brain stops to function for an unknown amount of time. At least suddenly Castiel is lying right beside him, aligning their bodies, and he feels all warm and perfect and Dean decides that all of this is way too awesome to worry about it.
“Your bed smells very nice,” Castiel breaths into his ear, making Dean shiver. “Just like you.”
Dean opens and closes his mouth a few times, unsure what to reply to that. Eventually he croaks, “Well … tomorrow it will smell like the both of us.”
He rather feels than sees Castiel's answering smile. “Yes, it will.”
He sounds highly pleased about that and Dean hastily suppresses the urge to rub his scent deeper into the sheets or something.
Instead he says, “Thank you for … well, telling me about your past. You really didn't need to, but I appreciate it.”
Castiel seems to tense a little, but he doesn't draw back. “It wasn't easy,” he confesses with a small voice. “However, I feel better now. Like a burden has been lifted.”
Dean finds himself nodding. He knows the feeling very well. “Yeah, sharing stuff can have that effect,” he agrees.
Castiel stays silent for a while after that and Dean simply drops a light kiss onto his forehead and pulls him closer. He can't help running his fingers over so much of Castiel's exposed skin, enjoying the probably not entirely human warmth his body is radiating, and wonders if there will ever be some kind of breakdown over the fact that he's sharing his bed with a man. Castiel feels way different than a woman, all firm and hard edges, and Dean considers that he should be at least a little bit alienated by it, but so far he can't say he does. He's way too comfortable to think about trifles like that right now.
“Dean?” Castiel whispers after a long stretch of silence.
“Yeah, Cas?”
Castiel inhales deeply, obviously searching for the right words. His fingers trail over Dean's chest, being utterly distracting.
“I'm glad I met you.”
Castiel's voice sounds so small all of a sudden, and yet so heavy, and Dean feels the corners of his mouth curl up.
“I'm glad too.”