Chapter Text
The sound of splashing water echoed through the streets as Hirose ran at full speed, ignoring the water seeping into his shoes. He gleefully increased his pace, shifting from a brisk skip to a sprint. He grabbed a nearby pole and swung around it to change his direction and landed with a big grin on his face. He was happy, happy that all that overthinking really was in his head. Happy that his two friends were growing closer without anything romantic going on. Happy that Nakamura-
Hirose slowed his pace as he thought about the text he had received from Nakamura just moments prior. His breathing increased as he took out his phone and stared at the screen, hovering his thumb over Nakamura’s message.
‘Can we talk on the school rooftop? It’s urgent!’
“Urgent, huh? Could this mean what I think it means then?” He tapped his phone to the bottom of his chin and giggled as he began imagining the scenario in his mind. “There’s no way, right? Unless-”
Hirose opened the rooftop door, the sunlight barely reaching Nakamura, who gently smiled at him, his eyes glistening like the ocean. Hirose slowly walked toward his friend. Hirose shyly looked away as he giggled at Nakamura.
‘So…what did you want to talk about, Nakamura?”
Nakamura cleared his throat and smiled as he held out his hand. The sun brightened his figure even more, causing Hirose’s heart to fly high into the bright sky.
‘Hirose, I’ve had these feelings for a while for you…Would you be my best friend?’
‘Of course, Nakamura! Although we are already friends!’ Hirose playfully teased, causing Nakamura to blush and smile back at him.
‘Then I wouldn’t have it any other way…Thank you, Hirose!’
“THAT’S SO STUPID!” Hirose shouted to himself as he ruffled his own hair, crushing that scenario within his mind, “We already are friends! I don’t want to be- well, I guess being his best friend wouldn’t be so bad. WAIT WHAT AM I SAYING??? WHY AM I THINKING I WOULD BE LIKE THIS, HELLO??” Hirose pouted while shaking his head. “This is what I get for trying to read BL to get closer to Nakamura-” He coughed and blushed- “Friends, huh?” He sighed as he continued to walk, his head buzzing about the possible scenarios playing in his head. “Do I really want to be just friends with him? He doesn’t have to keep it so tight-lipped if it was just that…unless he probably is going to-”
“Gahhh, what could be so urgent that he’d want to talk on the roofto-” Hirose froze in place as his mind wandered.
Heat began to rise from his neck up to his ears as he pictured Nakamura staring at him. That stupid, handsome, cute-
‘Wait…’ He wondered, ‘School rooftop…urgent conversation… Oomori’s reaction…could this mean?’
Hirose’s grip on his phone tightened, his breathing hitched as his heels dug in place. There was no doubt about it: he was 80% sure Nakamura would confess to him. Hirose thought about that possible outcome and smiled at the idea of Nakamura confessing, but something in the back of his mind plagued him. Something that felt like he was wrong to accept it, or rather, that he didn’t deserve it. Hirose let out a huge sigh as he heard the sound of students around him. He looked up and found himself at the school gate. At this point, most club activities were ending, so students were going in and out of the building to wrap up the day. Hirose sighed and casually walked through the gate, trying not to make eye contact with any teacher along his path.
“Look, look!” An underclassman quietly whispered behind Hirose, close enough to be within earshot of him. “It’s Hirose-senpai!”
‘Hirose-senpai…’ Hirose mused to himself. ‘I’ll never get tired of that.’ Despite being a second year, Hirose still hasn’t grown yet; he couldn’t count how many times he was mistaken for a first year in the few months of starting year two. He found it rather annoying, especially when someone like Takeuchi would tease him for it.
“He’s so handsome!!” Another underclassman said in a hushed tone.
‘Me, handsome?’ Hirose began to blush a little. His face looked a little smug.
“But not as handsome as Nakamura-senpai, though!” Another student retorted.
Hearing Nakamura’s name being spoken caused Hirose to stop in his tracks. His ears began to perk up as he slowly walked toward the group of students who mentioned his “crush’s” name.
‘Now what do they have to say about him?’ Hirose wondered as he approached the underclassman.
“Yeah, Nakamura-senpai is so cool! Tall, strong, and his eyes are so cute! His glasses make him so attractive!”
“You’re right, something about him is just so handsome!!! Once he helped me carry some books without asking; he’s so thoughtful!!”
“One time he helped me pick out a book at the library to help with my Japanese! He’s so smart!”
“I wonder if he’s single? Maybe we should confess to him?”
“Right, like one of us has a chance! Well…then again-”
Suddenly, the trio of students froze as they spotted Hirose glaring at them with a pained smile. Heat began to rise all over Hirose’s body as he gripped the strap of his bag.
“I’m sorry, but could you repeat that last part for me?”
‘HOW DARE YOU THINK ABOUT CONFESSING TO HIM! I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, NAKAMURA AND I SPENT A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER! LONGER THAN YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AT THIS SCHOOL, DANG IT!’
The trio slowly began to back away and shook their heads in fright as Hirose tilted his head at them. He looked back and forth and asked again.
“Someone’s gotta answer me! What was that last part? Come on, you can tell me!”
“N…nothing, senpai! We were just kidding! Oh look at the time, gotta run!”
With that, the trio ran off in a flash, leaving dust behind in their tracks. Hirose waved them off and laughed as he shook his head.
“Nobody better confess to him or so help me…”
Just as Hirose’s anger slowly subsided in him, it was slowly replaced with guilt as he kicked the ground and sighed, realizing what he’d done.
‘What was that about Aiki??? It’s not like we were dating or anything…Ugh, I need to calm down; my heart won’t stop racing.’
He tightly clenched his chest as he began recalling the same feelings he had a few days ago when he thought Nakamura and Oomori were dating one another. It was an ugly feeling; he hated it so much that it ate him up from the inside.
‘Maybe I’m a little jealous that he didn’t pick me yet.’ Hirose held his phone and stared at the screen as he scrolled through the many texts he and Nakamura had sent each other. He let out a small smile at the various “good morning” and “good night” messages they exchanged so often that it became routine. His smile, however, slowly turned to a frown as he continued to scroll. His body ached at the dread that flowed through it.
‘Why couldn’t you have said something sooner? Or, better yet, why didn’t I realize sooner that I might have liked you? Was it because of me?’
Hirose never really thought of himself as popular, to be honest. In his mind, he was just average compared to everyone else. He wasn’t as handsome as, say, Matsumura; kind like Oomori; cool like Mukai; or even bold as Takeuchi. He was just Aiki Hirose- boring old Hirose. A guy with many friends to make himself feel like he was important to everyone, as if he wanted to fill a void that could never be satisfied. A craving for validation that maybe he wasn’t actually boring or uninteresting. Why else would everyone wanna hang out with him, right? That’s why Nakamura entering his life changed him.
Something about Nakamura’s entire character fascinated Hirose. He was extravagant, awkward, and a bit weird. To most, this sort of thing would turn people away from a person, but to Hirose, it was different, maybe because it was Nakamura? He still laughs at the time the guy shouted how charming he was; it was so funny to him. To most people, it would be such a superficial answer, but to someone like Hirose, it meant everything to him. He couldn’t stop thinking about it the entire night. In fact, he still thinks about it to this day. His friend thought he was charming. It meant something to Hirose that a friend he cared about thought he was interesting…but now…maybe Hirose felt like it was more than “just a friend.”
Hirose’s mind slowly wandered as he replayed the events of his first year. Out of everything- the school festival, the trip to Yokohama, the school play. All the laughs he had during it- getting to know Nakamura was one of the best highlights of that year. Every hangout, interaction, conversation- Nakamura was there every step of the way! He was there even when Hirose and Saka-
Hirose’s mind stopped as he remembered a tucked-away memory that he tried so hard to run away from. Why did it suddenly appear again? He wondered…was it because he couldn’t bear to look Nakamura in the eyes when that happened…or maybe it was the universe punishing him for something he did.
‘I wonder what he thought while I was dating her? Does he think of me differently? Did I ruin things for him…Am I too late? Maybe I should sto-”
“Hirose??” The teen blinked as he snapped back to reality. He craned his head and spotted Takeuchi and Mukai exiting the school main hall. Takeuchi crossed his arms and tilted his head. “What are you doing? I thought you left already, man?”
“You okay?” Mukai asked as Hirose chuckled. “You look like a mess, even more so than last time.”
“Oh uh…I just…forgot something, that’s all!”
“What did ya forget? We can help ya look for it!” Takeuchi proclaimed while staring at Hirose, who began to sweat a little.
“I uh…” Hirose’s eyes wandered away from his friend’s gaze. “There’s no need to help, I just forgot…uh…”
‘I can’t tell them I came to see Nakamura! Takeuchi would never let me hear the end of it!’
Hirose stopped for a moment. ‘Would they think of me any different if they found out I liked Nakamura? I mean, Takeuchi and Nakamura don’t really see eye to eye at times. And what about Mukai? What would he think? Oh crap, they are staring at me; quick, Aiki, say something, anything!
“I forgot one of my BL manga!”
‘BL- WHAT? AIKI, YOU IDIOT, WHY PICK THAT OF ALL THINGS TO FORGET!?’
“I mean, Oomori needed help finding his manga, and I came back here to help look for it! Yep! Totally didn’t come here for any other reason!”
‘STOP TALKING, AIKI, YOU’RE SOUNDING LIKE NAKAMURA RIGHT NOW!’
Takeuchi stared at Hirose for a moment and shook his head while shrugging. “Geez, Hirose, you’re so noble it’s kind of cute. You know we won’t judge you if you’re into BL manga, man.”
“It’s not my manga, Takeuchi!” Hirose snapped.
“Yeah, sure sure, you don’t have to lie to us; you always forget stuff anyway. I swear you’d forget your head if it weren’t attached.” Takeuchi laughed loudly as Hirose let out a sheepish giggle in return.
“Yeah, haha, that’s me alright…forgetful Hirose…” Hirose rubbed his cheek with his finger as his eyes darted to Mukai, who was staring at him. Sweat began to form around the base of Hirose’s neck as he could tell his taller friend did not accept this lie of his. “W…w…what is it, Mukai?”
“You know, you can always talk to us if something is bothering you, dude. You can tell us anything…well, me more than Take here.”
“AGAIN, MUKAI?” Takeuchi shouted in his friend’s ear. “I RESENT THAT COMMENT!”
“Nothing’s wrong! I promise!” Hirose stammered while waving his arms in front of him.
Mukai inched closer to Hirose and scowled at him. He craned his neck to the side and raised a brow. “Oh hey, Nakamura, what’s up?”
“WHERE?” Hirose turned around and didn’t see his friend, only to realize that he had been had. “DANG IT MUKAI!”
“I knew it.” Mukai chuckled. “So it is about him.”
“No, it’s…” Hirose began to blush as Mukai smugly raised a brow at him. “OKAY FINE, YOU WIN! I’m here to see Nakamura…you happy now?”
“Yes, definitely.” Mukai held out his hand to Takeuchi. “Pay up, Take.”
“Dang it…I was sure that he would wait ’til the end of second year to admit it!” Takeuchi fished into his pockets and grabbed a 2000 yen bill and slapped it into Mukai’s hands. “Here.”
“What?” Hirose blinked and stared at his two friends. “What are you guys doing?” Takeuchi sighed and pointed at Mukai in anger, who tucked the money into his wallet.
“I bet Mukai that you wouldn’t admit that you liked Nakamura till the end of our second year.”
“And I bet that you would do it a bit after we started.” Mukai smiled as Takeuchi kicked a random rock. “I’ll be honest, I was also surprised that it took you this long to admit it.”
“SO YOU GUYS KNEW??!” Hirose yelled.
“Oh, we’ve known, Hirose!” Takeuchi giggled. “Someone has a crush on Nakamura!! I didn’t think he was your type; I thought it’d be someone like Oomori.”
“Shut up! I don’t!” Hirose blushed as he looked away from them.
“Yes you doooo! Come on, we saw how you acted when he was all buddy-buddy with Tsukasa! You were fuming pretty hard about it, to be honest!”
“Takeuchi, if you don’t stop right now!” Hirose stomped his foot in anger, causing Takeuchi to hide behind Mukai.
“Mukaiiii, he’s being mean!”
“Well, you did push his buttons.” Mukai sighed, shaking his head while pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Meanie, taking Hirose’s side!” Takeuchi stuck his tongue out as Mukai shoved him aside.
“Listen, Hirose, as Takeuchi said, we kind of knew you had a crush on Nakamura; I mean, it was kind of obvious that you did…”
“Oh,” Hirose held his hand to his chin. “I never realized it was obvious.”
“Dude…” Mukai put his hand on Hirose’s shoulder. “You invited Nakamura to a lot of our hangouts despite his clear dislike of us. The Chinatown trip, you stayed behind with him…and what about the matching pens?”
“IT WAS A CHRISTMAS GIFT!” Hirose retorted.
“YEAH, AND THE CRAB AND OCTOPUS KEYCHAINS?”
“I…errr…” Hirose looked away and began to pout. “They were…gifts…”
“Uh huh, I don’t need to say anything else, man. Listen, we don’t care if you like him.”
“You don’t?” Hirose raised his brow as his friends nodded at him.
“Duh, we care about you, dude. Not gonna lie, when you were with-” Mukai stopped himself and sighed. “When you were with Hana, you kind of looked unhappy.”
“I…was?”
Mukai nodded and gently let go of Hirose’s shoulder. “Yeah, man. I- I’m terrible at these sorts of things, but it kind of sucked seeing you act that way; to be real, you were sort of annoying.”
“Yeah!” Takeuchi interrupted. “I can’t believe you fumbled Sakamoto-chan like that! I would never do such a thing to someone as cute as her!”
“You totally would so fast, Take, don’t lie.” Mukai scoffed and faced Hirose. “Anyway, truth be told, the moment you guys broke up, I did notice a change in you. But in a good way.” Mukai blushed and rubbed the back of his head. “Gods, this is embarrassing to say. Just do what makes you happy or whatever. And treat Nakamura right.”
Hirose couldn’t believe what he was hearing from his friend. He stared at the ground and gripped his phone. He was so afraid of what his friends thought of him crushing on Nakamura that he forgot they were still his friends. His true friends… and here he was, treating them like everyone else he’s been with.
“I’m sorry, guys…I should’ve been more honest with you both.” Hirose said while blushing. “You guys have been with me for a long time, and I should’ve trusted you both more. Forgive me.” He held his head down in apology. Mukai and Takeuchi were his ride-or-die friends; of course, they wouldn’t judge him for liking a guy. They just wanted to see him happy. Which at this point, Hirose was.
“Awww, Hirose!” Takeuchi began to tear up as he leaped into Hirose’s arms. “I FORGIVE YOU, MAN!
“Hey, let go of me, Takeuchi!”
“I love you so much, Hirose! Come on, Mukai, join in!” Takeuchi held open his arm, causing the taller teen to blush.
“I don’t think- and he’s hugging us.” Mukai barely had time to react as Takeuchi held his two friends close to him in a big hug. “You can let go of us now, Take.”
Takeuchi laughed as he released his friends. He faced Hirose, placed a hand on his shoulder, and gave him a thumbs up. “Go for it, Hirose! Go get your mans!”
“He’s not! I mean, hey! I don’t even know if he is going to confess!” Hirose shouted while blushing.
“Oh, so you’re going to then?”
“What?” Hirose took a step back and froze. “N…no…no? Maybe? I don’t know!”
“What’cha afraid of then?”
Hirose thought about it…he always did like it when someone took the initiative on him… It made a lot of sense with Sakamoto…and now potentially Nakamura…but maybe Hirose confessing first wouldn’t be so bad…maybe…
“I…I don’t know, to be honest.” Hirose clutched his chest and chewed his lip. Something within Hirose felt conflicted, like he wanted to confess his feelings to Nakamura, but at the same time, he wanted Nakamura to confess to him too. There was also a shred of lingering doubt that this was Hirose thinking too much about it and feeling like he wasn’t worthy of Nakamura. “Maybe I don’t deserve-”
“Don’t deserve?? Are you stupid?” Takeuchi interrupted by hitting Hirose on the head with his hand.
“OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR-”
“Do you hear yourself, Hirose???!!” Takeuchi yelled. “You’re never gonna get a chance like this again! Think about it; a boy who has yearned for you finally has the courage to confess, and you can surprise him by confessing first! It would be so awesome!!” Takeuchi smiled while hugging himself. “What I’d give for something like that! Maybe I should confess to Nakamura too!”
“WATCH IT, TAKE!” Hirose snapped, causing Takeuchi to giggle and stick his tongue out at his friend. “He’s mine! I mean, DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH NAKAMURA!”
“I’m only joking! He’s not my type anyway.”
Mukai let out a loud cough and pulled Takeuchi away from Hirose before anything could escalate between them.
“I think what Take is trying to say is, don’t wait around for shit to happen, man. Just go for it.”
‘Go for it, huh?’ Hirose let out a light chuckle and wiped his eyes.
“Yeah, I should! I’ll go up there to that rooftop and confront Nakamura!”
“Hell yeah, Hirose!” Takeuchi shouted. “Oh, how about we make it interesting?” Takeuchi’s expression turned devious as he held out his palm.
“How so?” Hirose scowled; he knew that face all too well. Takeuchi was plotting something.
“I bet Nakamura will confess to you before you can!”
“OH-HO,” Mukai chuckled. “I can get in on this.”
“WHA?” Hirose gasped, “BOTH OF YOU?” Hirose couldn’t believe his ears at what he had just heard. “Fine…I bet I’ll confess first!”
“You’re on!” Takeuchi held out his fist to Hirose and smirked. “Don’t come crying to us when you’re down a few yen, Hirose!”
“I should be saying the same thing to you guys.” Hirose gave Takeuchi a return bump and turned to face the school entrance. “Well, I’m off now.”
“Good luck, man!” Takeuchi and Mukai waved off Hirose, who entered the school.
Hirose switched his shoes from his locker, took out his phone, and began to text Nakamura with an eager look in his eyes.
‘Hey, sorry for the delay, be there shortly!’
He watched as the message got delivered and waited for it to be read. But as he continued to wait, it never changed. He put down his phone, only to take it out again when he thought he felt it vibrate, doing so on repeat for the next two or three times.
“Ugh, he’s making me anxious again- calm down, Aiki… I’m sure he’s busy as usual…”
Hirose paced the area around the lockers and ruffled his hair. He looked down at his phone and kept staring at it. Just anxiously waiting for the checkmark to light up for him.
“Sure, I can just go to the rooftop right now, but I need to know you’re there, Nakamura…please.” He pressed his phone to his forehead and shut his eyes. His heart sank to his stomach as his wrists began to ache.
Suddenly, he felt a gentle tap on his head, causing him to jump and nearly drop his phone. “Gah!”
“No phones at school, Hirose-kun.”
Hirose looked up and spotted his old Sensei standing in front of him, who waved his hand in front of him and let out a calm “Yo.”
“Otogiri-Sensei!” Hirose’s face lit up as he saw his old teacher. Seeing the person he looked up to brought him a little comfort. There was something about Otogiri’s presence that drew Hirose to him. He admired his teacher a ton! Who wouldn’t admire someone like that? He was cool, calm, responsible, and mature! “What are you doing here?”
“I should be asking you the same thing. What’cha doing here after school? Certainly not doing anything illegal now.” He let out a light smirk, causing Hirose to shake his head.
“No way, I’m here because uh-” Hirose stopped himself as he thought about Nakamura. “I’m here to…uh…”
“Don’t tell me you don’t have to say anything.”
“What?” Hirose questioned. “Aren’t you curious?”
Otogiri scratched his chin and shook his head. “A little, but it’s not my place to meddle in a student’s personal life. Not unless they really need my help with something. Gotta keep things professional, and all.
“Oh okay…well you see…I…uh-” Hirose stared at his former teacher and began to notice how Otogiri-sensei and Nakamura were alike. Tall and similar in style, both are quiet and mysterious; the only difference is that Nakamura is shy and awkward, while Otogiri is more confident and calm. Hirose had always wondered what drew him to his teacher, but he slowly began to understand why. “I’m uh, here to see-”
“Nakamura-kun?”
“How’d you know?” Hirose questioned with a shocked expression, as Otogiri let out a small laugh.
“It’s written all over your face. I’m your teacher after all; I tend to notice these kinds of things. I knew Nakamura had a crush on you the entire school year with the way he talked and acted toward you. And I knew you probably liked him back; why else did I try to pair you both in a lot of things throughout the school year?”
“YOU DID WHAT?” Hirose’s face began to turn a bright red as he thought about all the times he and Nakamura were together during their first year together. Hirose always thought it was a mere coincidence, but when the truth was spilled out to him, it slowly began to make sense. “You play dirty, Sensei!” Hirose yelled in anger.
“Sure, sure, whatever you say, kid.” Otogiri gently patted Hirose on the head and smiled at him. “You like him back, don’t ya?”
“I…uh…” Hirose looked down and nodded at his teacher. “I guess so… it’s all been very confusing, like I thought at first I regarded Nakamura as a good friend, but then as time went on, I kind of felt different around him. I saw him differently, like I wanted to be more than his friend, you know? I even got jealous when others talked about him.”
Otogiri sighed and shook his head. “That’s love, kid. No doubt about it.”
“Love, huh…” Hirose gripped his chest as his feelings about Nakamura slowly began to piece together. He tried his hardest to deny it, or rather, run away like he always did. Why face your problems when you could just avoid them altogether? Maybe that’s why Hirose never returned his friend’s feelings, or, heck, when he even treated his other friends rather terribly. “I guess I am in love with him, but-”
“Just go to him, Hirose.” Otogiri let out a small smile as he walked away from his former student. “You won’t know your true feelings if you don’t go for it. You’re young; don’t let this chance leave you. Live your life to the fullest or something, I don’t know, I read that in a fortune. Kind of cheesy if you ask me.” Otogiri let out a shrug as he spotted some students running toward him. “Better go help some of my other students now. Run along, Hirose, or else I’ll have to give you a stern talking to again.”
“Yeah, you’re right, Sensei, thank you…” Hirose looked back at his former teacher and laughed as he watched him assist other students. He could hear them coming up to Otogiri for their own problems, which made Hirose pretty happy to have had him as a teacher.
“I wonder if I could help people like Sensei? Maybe I should be a teacher someday! That could be fun! Helping students, making a lot of people smile! Yeah, I like the sound of that! But first-”
Hirose turned away and headed to the rooftop, slowly picking up the pace as he excitedly awaited seeing where Nakamura was waiting.
Hirose spent no time running up the stairs. He was determined to see Nakamura and hear what he had to say, or, even better, tell him how he really felt.
‘I don’t want anyone else to take you away! I am not going to let you slip from me. I’m going to tell you how I really feel about you, Nakamur-’
Just as he turned the corner to the final staircase, he crashed into something, or rather, someone hard. Causing both of them to fall back on their butts.
“Gah, sorry about that, I wasn’t paying attention to- SAKAMOTO-CHAN??” Hirose blinked and rubbed his eyes as he sat up. He easily recognized that light brown hair as she stood up, patted her skirt, and gently smiled at him.
“That’s okay, Hirose-kun! It was my fault for not paying attention.”
“Are you okay?” He asked, concerned that she might be hurt, but with an affirming grin, she spoke.
“No, I’m fine, really.”
“That’s good…” Hirose let out a sheepish laugh as his eyes darted away from her.
‘Great, out of ALL the people to run into, I run into her…this is so awkward…what do I even say?’
“How have you been?”
“Huh?” Hirose blinked as Sakamoto tilted her head at him.
“I said, how have you been? It’s been a while.”
“I’ve been fine, I guess.” Hirose’s expression slowly dropped as she asked him. Something about hearing her concern from him felt like daggers ripping into him from all sides. He tapped his foot impatiently as he gripped his phone tightly.
‘I need to see him, I want to see him so badly…but man, I wish I could just leave, but she’s staring at me…what do I even do? Maybe if I just keep ignoring her, she’ll go away?’
Hirose waited and waited for what felt like forever, his eyes returning to Sakamoto, his heart filling with annoyance, impatience, and, most importantly, dread. He chewed on his lip as memories of the time Sakamoto dumped him surfaced.
‘I’m sorry, Hirose-kun, you’re just a lot more boring than I expected.’
‘Boring…’
‘Boring…’
‘Boring…’
Those words echoed throughout Hirose’s mind so loudly he could barely hear his own breathing…it felt suffocating to him…he gripped his chest so hard that his knuckles turned white. He couldn’t stand it. He hated this feeling; he tried his hardest to overcome it or even ignore it, but no matter what, it would resurface and linger for what felt like forever. Even during grade school, he could never contribute to topics like his peers.
They’d all laugh at him for giving normal answers. Even saying something like “I liked it” wasn’t enough for people. Never enough for anyone. Typical boring Hirose… the emotions weighed on him, making his body feel like lead. Darkness enveloped all around him as his lungs felt like they were collapsing in on themselves, struggling to keep him alive. He wanted an escape; he wanted out; he wanted to run away… he needed help.
‘You’re not boring, Hirose, people just don’t know the real you… you’re charming in your own right.’
Another voice broke through Hirose’s thoughts as if it shattered the enclosing darkness around him. Hirose let out a deep breath as he heard the sounds of students in his ears. He focused on that voice again to get some sense of grounding; he followed it within his mind. He knew whose voice it was; it was a familiar voice, one that made his heart soar and flutter every time he heard it. The person he couldn’t get his mind off of ever since that day he got dumped by Sakamoto.
“Nakamura…”
“Hmm?” Sakamoto questioned, causing Hirose to blink a bunch at her.
“Sorry, Hana-chan…I haven’t been really honest with you, or anyone, not even myself.”
“What are you talking about, Hirose?”
Hirose gripped his chest and chuckled. “I’m sorry for treating you poorly when we dated…I thought that I’d like dating if someone asked me. I didn’t care who, to be honest; I was just curious about it all. So when you asked me, I said yes, thinking I’d be able to return the feelings you had for me. Or maybe I could understand what being in love was like. Truth be told, you weren’t what I expected either. I realized you weren’t the right person for me. That’s why I kind of acted cold toward you. I was hoping you’d break up with me first as a way to escape. But that didn’t give me the right to treat you poorly! It was dumb of me, idiotic even!” Hirose bowed to his ex and lowered his head. “I’m very sorry.”
There was silence between the two of them as Hirose poured his heart and soul into his apology. Despite everything, he felt lighter, happier that he was able to convey his feelings. Even though it ended poorly, Hirose still enjoyed romantically being in someone’s company. Just not with Hana… Hirose now knows who he really wants to be with. His mind and heart have been made up ever since today started.
“Hirose-kun.” Hana’s soft voice caused Hirose to look up at her. His eyes widened as she began to laugh at him.
“What’s so funny?” He questioned.
“Nothing, it’s just surprising to see this side of you. To be honest, you were never this forward before when we dated. To think this was the real you.”
“I wouldn’t call it the real me, to be honest…it took a bit to realize that I’ve been running away from everything.”
“You like him, don’t you?”
“Huh?” Hirose blinked as Hana giggled.
“When we were dating, I noticed you talked a lot about- who was it again? That guy with the strong eyes and black hair?”
“Nakamura?”
“Yeah, him!” She laughed as Hirose stared at her. “You honestly talked more about him than yourself!”
“Wait, really?”
“Yep.” Hana nodded and shrugged her shoulders. “That’s part of the reason why you weren’t who I imagined in my mind.”
“Oh…”
“To be honest, the way you spoke about Nakamura-kun, the way you praised him, mentioned every little detail about him…I kind of felt envious and a bit jealous.” Hana’s voice trailed off as her hand brushed against her bag. While she wasn’t angry at him, Hirose could tell she was a little sad and disappointed.
‘Oh…’ Hirose scratched his cheek and chuckled as he started to realize that maybe he was a lot more annoying to others than he thought.
“Yeah… that’s… I’m sorry.”
“No no, it’s okay. You made me realize something too!”
“I did?”
“Yeah! Never judge a book by its cover, good or bad. I do hope for the best for both of you! You guys seem really cute together.”
“WHAT!?” Hirose threw his arms back in surprise as Hana giggled at him.
“Good luck, Hirose, and take care!” With that, Hana walked away from Hirose. With one final look, she waved at him. “I hope to see you two around!” The sound of her footsteps slowly echoed throughout the hallways till they disappeared from earshot.
“See YOU two around? What is she-” Hirose grunted and rubbed his hair in annoyance. He let out a giant breath as he sank to the ground, nearly falling over in the process.
“I thought I was gonna die…my god…” He let out a nervous laugh as the adrenaline was still flowing around him like a dog that got let loose by its owner. He suddenly jumped as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He opened it and gasped as Nakamura had messaged him back.
‘You okay? Sorry, I just saw this!’
Hirose giggled and shook his head. He read the text over, imagining Nakamura worrying about him. He imagined every future call, text, and message they would exchange. It filled him with happiness and joy. Something Hirose hadn’t truly felt till now. He clicked onto the message and began to type.
‘I’m close to the rooftop!’
With that, Hirose put his phone back in his pocket and walked up the final flight of stairs; each step echoed in his ears in time with his heartbeat. He reached the door and held out his hand, but stopped when he heard someone screaming.
‘Is that?’ Hirose pressed his ear to the door and heard what sounded like Nakamura saying something. Hirose gently opened the door and watched as Nakamura held a book and was shouting something.
“Hirose, will you be my boyfriend? No, no, that’s not good enough!” Hirose watched as Nakamura paced back and forth, fumbling over his book while adjusting his glasses.
“Hehe, Nakamura is kind of cute when he’s flustered.” Hirose giggled to himself and jumped when Nakamura suddenly shouted to the sky.
“I’M SO STUPID! HIROSE WOULD NEVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?”
‘What would I never say?’ Hirose slowly opened the door and watched as Nakamura sat down and began hugging himself. He slowly looked up at the clouds and sighed.
“I’ll never be able to say what I want to say to him…Maybe I should just give up.”
‘No, don’t give up, Nakamura!” Hirose thought. ‘I’m here now, I’m ready for you to confess-’ Hirose stopped himself and looked down. ‘Confess to someone like me? I…I don’t know now-’ Hirose quickly turned around so he could slip behind the door and quietly shut it.
“What am I doing…” He said to himself, realizing he moved on instinct. “I should be happy that he’s trying to confess. Why…” Hirose looked down at his palm and sighed. Something was preventing him from moving forward. As he sat in silence, he realized that it was himself who was stopping him from taking that step forward…something in his mind was just too afraid. Hirose’s mind wandered to the time they first met, and he began to notice how much Nakamura admired him from afar.
The Chinatown trip…Nakamura telling him not to go…all the times walking home…how could Hirose fail to notice Nakamura liked him? Even worse…Hirose accepted a confession right off the bat. His hands reached for the side of his gakuran; he couldn’t even bear to think about what Nakamura was going through during that time. Tears began to fall from Hirose’s eyes as the realization hit him hard.
‘I’m an awful person…I treated everyone so horribly, Oomori, Hana…and even Nakamura.’ He slowly leaned against the door and silently cried to himself. He felt selfish for thinking he could just avoid his problems and sweep them under the rug, hoping they’d just disappear without a trace. But the reality was that no matter how far or fast he ran, his own self-doubt, insecurities, and guilt would find him. They always did.
‘I really am stupid…Nakamura, you deserve better than someone like me.’ Hirose looked back at Nakamura through the door window and sighed as he watched the person who yearned for him nervously pace back and forth. Eagerly waiting for the person he’d longed for to show up at the rooftop. It’s a shame that person was watching him, too afraid to open that door. The same boring person who would rather run away from his problems rather than face him…the same old boring Aiki Hirose.
‘There’s no way he still likes me after all that? Maybe I’m too in over my head…maybe I’ve moved on too fast…maybe I can-’
Hirose’s own thoughts clouded his mind as he tried to come up with an answer, but every time he searched, his thoughts became cloudy. Sweat began to form around the back of his head, palms, and legs. His body ached as he tried to breathe.
“I CALLED HIM AKI AGAIN!!! WHY DID I THINK THAT HE WOULD BE EMBARRASSSED BY ME?? I’M SO CRINGE!”
Nakamura’s voice rang through the door, causing Hirose to snap back to the real world. He turned around and spotted his friend fall onto the bench in a slump while reading what looked like a manga. Hirose carefully watched as Nakamura adjusted his glasses while reading. He felt calmer watching his friend breathe in and out, inadvertently syncing his movements with Nakamura.
“Nakamura…” Hirose uttered while blushing. “You were always there for me. Even if you didn’t realize it, you were there supporting me during my lowest moments, and I’ll always cherish it.” He bit his lip and gently slammed his fist against the wall. He slapped his cheeks to the point that the sting lingered on both his hands and face for a while. “I’m really stupid, but I still want to know how you feel from words directly from your mouth, Okuto Nakamura. No more running away.” Hirose turned around and gently opened the door. He slowly crept toward Nakamura, who was talking to himself.
“If only it were that easy…”
“If what was easy?” Hirose interrupted, causing the taller teen to jump back.
“HIROSE??? WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?”
“I just got here!” Hirose lied.
“Oh, uh, good…sorry I was…reading something…” Nakamura carefully tucked away his book in his bag and nervously stared at Hirose. He always did like Hirose’s beautiful brown eyes; they reminded him of his favorite coffee drink. His beautiful tanned skin, his brown hair, and gentle smile. It was all so perfect to him. Hirose blinked and tilted his head at his friend.
“So what did you want to talk about?”
“Oh, uh…” Nakamura’s lips quivered as he tried to utter a word, but all that came out was dry air. “I, uh-”
“Come on then, Nakamura, spit it out; I can handle whatever you want to tell me.”
“No…you can’t, Hirose.”
“What?” Hirose raised a brow as Nakamura shook his head. “What do you mean?”
“I…” Nakamura tightly clenched his fist and stared at the ground. “I don’t think you can handle what I’m going to say to you, so please hear me out.”
“Okay, sure…” Hirose’s heart thumped at irregular intervals as he didn’t expect that sort of response from Nakamura. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No!” Nakamura shouted, “Well, not much, I mean…kind of…I mean…what I’m trying to say is…”
“Oh…” Hirose’s heart sank a little as his head lowered. “I see…” Hirose thought back to how he had felt earlier and sighed. “Listen, Nakamura… I’m sorry for not considering your feelings back then…I was an idiot for not realizing that you liked me. And I ended up hurting you by failing to reciprocate your feelings, or at least by not giving you an answer. If anything, I still liked being around you a ton…I had a lot of fun being friends. It was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. So I’m truly, truly sorry, Nakamura.”
There was silence between them, save for the wind gently blowing against the metal mesh on the rooftop. Hirose stared at the ground, not daring to look Nakamura in the eyes after all that. He didn’t want to look; he was afraid Nakamura would be angry at him. Though to Hirose, he deserved every bit of anger thrown at him.
“You should be sorry, Hirose.”
“Huh?” Hirose looked up at Nakamura, confused at the response. “What are you-?” Hirose froze as he saw Nakamura with tears in his eyes. “Naka-”
“Do you know how tough it was?” Nakamura uttered mid-cry. “I fell for you the first day we met; I was head over heels. I spent so much of our school year trying to get you to befriend me or to notice me. I was jealous of how naturally you got people to like you. You were amazing to me, beautiful even. I wanted to be a part of your life for so long. I was happy when you visited me at the Aquarium in Yokohama, when you opened up to me…when you remembered that I liked Octopuses… when we took that picture together and mentioned we were already friends…I was happy I got to know you more…but then…” Nakamura wiped his face with his sleeve and adjusted his glasses again.
“When I saw that you had a girlfriend…everything changed…I was sad…sad that my fantasy was shattered…I accepted that fact…I wanted you to be happy…and if you were happy…I should be too, right? Truth be told…When I saw that Sakamoto had dumped you, I was a little selfishly happy because it meant I had a chance with you…But it was stupid of me to think that…I never considered my friend’s feelings at the time… that’s why I tried to bury my feelings for you… but… but… but when you invited me to the movie… the restaurant hangout… and then the park…I couldn’t hold my feelings back anymore…I tried to deny them…for the sake of my friend, but I couldn’t…do you know how hard it was to keep my heart from exploding when I was around you, Hirose?”
Nakamura’s voice cracked as he continued to sob and shout at Hirose, who just stood there, too stunned to move or say anything. Nakamura took a deep breath and shook his head.
“It was so hard to keep it all bottled up! It was so painful! I wanted to get over you so much, but it was too hard…It wasn’t till I got closer to Hifumi and Oomori that I finally gained the courage to tell you how I really felt…Something I was too afraid to say to you all this time. Something I should’ve said to you a year ago!”
‘With the way he’s speaking to me… He’s probably going to reject his feelings for me…’ Hirose looked down and waited for his karma to hit him at full force.
‘Did…I hear that right?’ Hirose looked up as he watched Nakamura clutching his chest with his hand, tears running down his face. The sun was beating down from behind him, causing Hirose’s eyes to sparkle a bit.
“You…you love me?” Hirose repeated as Nakamura nodded at him.
“I always have! I loved you, and I will continue to love you…I don’t care what you say, but I love you, Hirose…” Nakamura sniffled and wiped his face as he turned around. “There, I said what I wanted to say…you can go home now… I’ll see you tomorr-”
Suddenly Nakamura felt Hirose hug him from behind. The same warmth he always felt when he was around his crush, but this time, his crush was around him. He sniffled and looked back as Hirose buried his face into his back.
“H…H…Hirose?”
Hirose pulled away and began to laugh. “I… I’m sorry… I’m just happy; that’s all.”
“Happy?” Nakamura questioned.
“Yeah…I’m…happy because…I like you too!”
“HUH??!!” Nakamura shouted. “WHAT?”
Hirose nodded and smiled at him. “You heard me…I…like…you too!”
“Since when?”
“Well…” Hirose’s eyes wandered for a bit till they focused back on Nakamura’s beautiful dark eyes. “I guess, for a while… I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.”
“No no, it’s…wow…” Nakamura pushed back his hair and chuckled. “I didn’t expect this, to be honest…I was afraid you’d reject me…I think I might throw up.” Nakamura held his stomach and covered his mouth as his face grew pale.
“Whoa, whoa, not here, Okuto!” Hirose shouted, causing Nakamura to jump back in surprise.
“OKUTO?? YOU…YOU CALLED ME BY MY FIRST NAME!” Nakamura shouted.
“Yeah? I think since we are going to be boyfriends, I thought we should call each other by our first names!” Hirose giggled, giving Nakamura a playful wink.
“B…B…BOYFRIENDS?” Nakamura’s heart exploded as he heard the word; he was on cloud nine or even ten if that was possible. His feet jiggled like jello as he lurched forward, causing Hirose to catch him, albeit with some difficulty.
“Okuto, calm down! Get a hold of yourself!” Hirose struggled as Nakamura giggled to himself. His face was bright red with infatuation.
“Me and Hirose…boyfriends…ehehehee.”
Hirose sighed and slowly dragged Nakamura to a nearby bench so he could lay Nakamura's head on his lap. Hirose looked up at the sky and grinned as he lightly touched Nakamura’s warm cheek. He swallowed hard and slowly inched his hand toward his now boyfriend’s chin and caressed it. He was amazed at how small his hand was compared to Nakamura’s face, but he didn’t mind; in fact, Hirose kind of liked it. He watched as Nakamura slowly began to calm down, causing Hirose to let out a dreamy sigh. He gently pushed back Nakamura’s hair and giggled as Nakamura’s eyes fluttered open at him.
“H..Hiros-”
“Shhhh…” Hirose put a finger to his boyfriend’s lips and grinned. “Rest until you feel like you can stand, okay?”
“O…oh…okay…” Nakamura blushed and clasped his hands together on his chest. His eyes stared at Hirose before quickly switching to the sky.
“What’s the matter?” Hirose playfully asked.
“Nothing, nothing…it’s just, you’re so beautiful. I can’t wait to spend time with you like this. I’m so happy.” Nakamura took Hirose’s hand and put it back onto his cheek and closed his eyes as he tenderly embraced his palm.
Hirose giggled as he played with Nakamura’s hair with his other hand. His heart thumped with excitement about this newfound adventure he found himself in. He was nervous, excited, and scared. But he didn’t have to do it alone anymore. Aiki Hirose was no longer alone…he had someone he truly cared about alongside him. He watched as the sun beamed brightly at both of them and laughed.
‘Looks like I lost the bet…oh well, I still won in the end anyway! No one is ever gonna take you away from me, Nakamura! Thanks for going for it first!’