Chapter Text
Lucy Knight had been in love with John Carter ever since he scoured the streets of Chicago with her for twelve hours, despite having already spent twelve hours in her company earlier. Even though John wound Lucy up so tight that she thought she might burst, sometimes she could see through that and picture herself in a relationship with him.
Her crush on John only increased the day they kissed and almost had sex on a dirty exam room floor. Lucy's heart was crushed when John revealed that it didn’t feel right, she agreed with him purely so she wouldn’t look pathetic. After that, Lucy tried to shake some sense into herself and started going on dates and getting under someone else to avoid the heaviness of the feelings she had for John.
Lucy had gone on a couple more dates with Dale, but they always led to her feeling disappointed. No one else that kissed her lived up to the way that John kissed her. Lucy was always left bitterly disappointed when she didn’t feel the adrenaline that coursed through her bloodstream or the wetness in her underwear afterwards. This always resulted in Lucy coming home and tearing her jacket off before slumping against the door and letting tears of frustration slip down her cheeks.
The thing that really solidified Lucy’s love for John came after their accident, Lucy’s injuries being a lot worse than Johns so he used up every bit of free time he had between hospital appointments and his own recovery to sit by Lucy’s bedside and just be there for her.
When Lucy got out of hospital but wasn’t quite ready to return to work yet, John spent every moment with her. He always took Lucy out to eat, go shopping, even walks in the park where they would always find a tree to sit under and read their books.
She was delusional to think that his feelings for her could change, despite getting to know her so deeply. There were many nights where they sat in Lucy’s dimly lit living room and spilled all their secrets, they got so comfortable with each other that Lucy opened up about her body image issues and how she wasn’t coping well at all, and John finally opened up about his addiction.
However, when John returned from rehab, John still came over to Lucy's house most nights, but now most of the conversation involved Abby.
Everytime that Abby was brought up in conversation, Lucy resisted the urge to roll her eyes, opting to bite her tongue instead and tune out most of what John had to say.
Lucy considered Abby one of her best friends actually, they got to know each other more after the accident and Lucy realised that she actually liked being in Abby’s company.
Abby spoke to Lucy about her crush on Luka, seeking advice on what she should do about it, Lucy approved of this relationship and encouraged Abby to make a move. Similarly, Lucy also heard this whole spiel from Luka, she was in the middle of the two of them but was simultaneously the only person that was helping them grow some balls to make a move on the other.
However, hearing John talk about Abby so incessantly when Abby and Luka were now a couple made Lucy want to rip her hair out and scream at John to stop being so pathetic.
It hurt her to hear John talk about Abby in this way, the ache in her heart making itself present again after lying dormant all throughout her recovery because John was only focused on Lucy. She missed when John's every thought revolved purely around her, it was selfish, of course Lucy knew that, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.
Lucy knew John was in love with Abby, everyone did. The only person it wasn’t clear for was Abby and John themselves. John didn’t even hear himself when he spoke, he was obsessed with Abby.
Lucy lay with her arm propped up on the arm of the couch, her head resting heavily in her hand as she squeezed her eyes shut. The sound of John's voice droning on and on about Abby became a noise she wasn’t particularly fond of.
“Carter,” Lucy snapped without meaning to, John stopped talking all at once but his mouth still remained open. “You’re talking a lot about Abby.”
“I am?” John said dumbly, his brows knitting in confusion. Jesus Christ. “You haven’t shut up about her since you got here… thirty three minutes ago.” Lucy said, glancing down at her watch.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise.” John said. “You’re obsessed with her, Carter.” Lucy snickered, standing up and moving into the kitchen to get herself and John a beer, it was very much needed.
“I’m—Im not…. obsessed with her?” John spat, his brown eyes wide and darting around wildly. Lucy knew that she had just caught him out, she felt an odd sort of satisfaction for getting him caught out and the look on his face.
“Tread carefully, Carter. That’s another man’s girl you’re talking about.” Lucy shrugged, passing him the beer as she watched in real time as John's face paled, even though he wasn’t in any means scared of Luka, John knew that Luka would have his head on a stick.
The conversation quickly switched topics, as John felt completely caught out.
It continued this way for months, John talking about Abby and Lucy banging her head against the wall in frustration. The sound of John's voice was starting to really get on her nerves which is weird because before it was the only thing that soothed her.
Lucy discovered that Luka was experiencing the same thing with Abby. They sat in the ambulance bay, Lucy’s hands flying about wildly as she got heated about the topic of Abby and John and Luka sat quietly, soaking in every word and letting out all of his frustrations.
“It’s constant.” Luka said as he thought back to all the times that Abby spoke about John when they were lying in bed together. “Tell me about it,” Lucy groaned, threading her fingers through her hair and yanking out any knots.
Luka observed Lucy’s demeanor, wincing at the way she yanked the big knot out of her hair without any reaction. “You need this more than me.” Luka said carefully, not wanting to get on Lucy’s bad side at that moment.
Luka passed Lucy his cigarette that was halfway finished, and told her to finish it off. Lucy wasn’t a smoker, but times like these it eased her. Lucy slowly inhaled, letting the smoke travel down to her lungs feeling the burn before exhaling.
“Do you still love him?” Luka asked suddenly, he stared at Lucy tracing every micro expression that flit across her face when she was quiet, knowing that her brain was the furthest thing from it and was her own worst enemy.
Lucy thought carefully for a minute before answering “Yeah.”
Luka nodded, they both remained silent for the next couple of minutes watching as the sky turned from a dusky blue to black. “Do you still love Abby? Even if she talks your ear off about John.” Lucy asked.
“Yes.” Luka said without hesitation. They were doomed.
The next couple of weeks followed in a similar manner, there wasn't a conversation that Lucy had with that wasn't about Abby.
But then, Abby and Luka broke up and Lucy's heart sank with dread. She knew when John caught wind of the news that he would make it his mission to try to get with Abby. Lucy heard both sides of the story from Abby and Luka, gasping when Abby recited the cruel words that Luka had thrown at her in the spur of the moment.
Lucy felt utterly stuck between her two friends, but opted not to bad mouth anyone, she was there purely as a listening ear so that one of them could rant.
She saw the smug smile on John's face as Lucy told him about the breakup, rolling her eyes in disgust at the fact that he wasn't even trying to hide his joy.
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Lucy came down to the ER for a psych consult, unaware of the chaos that was soon about to follow suit. She was called down by Luka, he explained that his patient was displaying signs of Bipolar Disorder that he suspected to be undiagnosed and figured that Lucy should be present in the room.
After the consult, Lucy followed Luka out to the nurses station to go over the case with him. Abby and John were standing, looking visibly stressed. “Whats wrong?” Lucy frowned, as she examined everyones demeanor.
“A couple came in with their two kids, they have smallpox.” John stated. “Smallpox?” Lucy said in shock. “The hospital has to go into lockdown, it's not safe.” Susan sighed, running her hand through her hair.
“Wait, I treated them last week for the flu…. Lucy was there too.” Jing-Mei spoke up and Lucy bowed her head in complete disbelief. Last week, Lucy had been called to work a shift in the ER to cover for someone else. “Both of you need to quarantine in Exam room four now.” Susan sighed.
“Typical.” Lucy muttered, feeling dread settle in at the idea of being stuck in this hospital any longer than she had to. “Ill call up to Dr. Mitchell. Tell him you're stuck with us.” Luka said, trying to lighten up the mood, Lucy nodded and thanked Luka gratefully.
“Lets go,” Jing-Mei groaned as they headed in the direction of the exam room they were to quarantine in. Lucy looked over her shoulder as she walked away, spotting the way that Abby and John stood so close. A sick feeling settled in Lucy's stomach that she tried to will away.
“Knight!” Greg exclaimed upon seeing Lucy enter the room, she smirked at the sheer excitement in his tone. “Pratt.” She smiled, sitting on an empty bed.
“Great. You're here too.” Jing-Mei scoffed, rolling her eyes at Greg. Lucy immediately felt the unsaid sexual tension and groaned, knowing this was going to be a long day.
“May as well get myself comfortable,” Lucy sighed, kicking off her shoes and taking off her white jacket, laying back on the bed and counting the ceiling tiles.
“Why are you in such a bad mood?” Greg asked curiously, scooching his rolling chair over to Lucy's bed. In all the time that Greg had known Lucy, she always seemed happy and practically radiating joy. “Oh, I have an idea.” Jing-Mei smirked and Lucy groaned. “Dont even go there.”
“Now I’m curious,” Greg smirked as he leaned back against his chair. “Nothings the matter!” Lucy exclaimed but Jing-Mei and Greg looked at her with a look that told her they didn’t believe her. “Seriously! I’m just annoyed I'm going to be stuck here any longer than I have to. Especially with you two… and that guy in the bed over there.” Lucy said, now acknowledging the only person that was in the room she assumed to be a patient.
“I’m Stan, sweetheart, what’s your name?” Stan asked, giving Lucy a little wave. “Lucy.” She answered simply and Stan went back to minding his own business.
“He’s a frequent flyer here, unfortunately. Stan's homeless.” Greg explained. Lucy nodded in understanding, how had she got herself into this situation.
“You really think we could have possibly contracted Smallpox?” Lucy asked nervously, biting down on her bottom lip nervously.
“Probably not. This is just a precaution,” Jing-Mei shrugged, climbing up onto her own bed and assuming the same position as Lucy.
This was going to be a long day or two. Lucy thought to herself.
This situation was far from ideal but what made it less ideal was the fact that it was extremely hot outside and there was no air conditioning in this room, meaning everyone was sweating.
“Stan, do you feel like singing?” Jing-Mei asked from her spot where she was hidden trying to pee.
“Please, no.” Lucy said quietly, tearing off her light cardigan so that she was only in her tank top, that she threw on this morning without a second thought, not intending for anyone to see her.
“Not really,” Stan frowned. “I have an idea.” Greg smirked as he proceeded to sing row your boat. “A nursery rhyme? Really?” Lucy groaned in disbelief as Greg, Stan, and Jing-Mei all started singing along.
A while later, Jing-Mei stepped out from behind the curtain and returned to pacing around the room.
Lucy stayed at her position next to the window, fiddling with the blinds and looking out to the room John and Abby were in across from them. She could see them working on the little girl, but her eye would focus on the way John's touch lingered a second longer on Abby’s waist when he squeezed to get past her or how Abby would brush against him.
Lucy knew she was being irrational, that she was a grown woman thinking like a teenager but it was hard for her.
“Looking at them is only going to make you feel worse,” Jing-Mei whispered, appearing behind Lucy and prying her away from the window. Lucy didn’t even question how Jing-Mei knew what she was thinking about.
“It’s hard, seeing them like that.” Lucy sighed as Jing-Mei led her to their beds in the corner and sat at the foot of Lucy’s. “We have all the time in the world here. Why not use it to our full potential, get to know each other and I can distract you.” Jing-Mei beamed. “I’d like that.” Lucy smiled.
Jing-Mei learned that Lucy had wanted to be a doctor since she was a child due to being in a car accident, and being in awe at the doctors ability to fix her up, so Lucy wanted to help people from then onwards. But, if she wasn’t a doctor she would probably be an English teacher.
All of a sudden, Stan had started seizing and everyone rushed over to him. “Why is he seizing?” Lucy asked in confusion, she had never worked with Stan before so had no idea of his history.
“He’s an alcoholic. It’s an alcohol withdrawal seizure.” Greg explained as Jing-Mei shouted out for someone to give her four of Ativan. Michael passed her the Ativan as Jing-Mei barked out more orders.
“What else should we do to help him? Water?” Lucy said clueless. “A drink.” Greg shrugged, Lucy tutted at him and then went back to focusing on Stan.
“Let’s bag him,” Jing-Mei declared but Stan started waking up. “Welcome back Stan.” Greg sighed. Stan was confused, darting his eyes at everyone standing above him and mumbling in confusion.
"At least we know the seizure didn’t fry his brain.” Lucy sighed and returned to her spot on her bed.
After a week in the hospital, everyone was still quarantined and the only people left were Lucy, Abby, Jing-Mei, John, Greg, and Stan.
Lucy spent the weeks going between her “room” and Abby and Johns considering it was only the six of them now and they were all possibly carrying the same virus.
Lucy had been living in scrubs this past week and washing her hair in the sink, a living situation which was not ideal for how high maintenance she was. “Loving the new look. I never thought I’d see you in scrubs again,” John chuckled. Lucy ignored the way his eyes raked up and down her figure for longer than necessary.
“Yeah? Is blue my colour?” Lucy smirked, looking down at the scrubs that were drowning her as there was none in her size left. “Definitely.” John smiled.
Lucy's stomach shouldn’t have flipped at the compliment, it wasn’t any different from the compliments that he would usually give her. But, the feeling of being locked in the hospital with him mixed with the knowledge that he and Abby were a thing now made everything that John said have an edge to it.
John and Abby didn’t exclusively come outright to Lucy and said that they were dating or that they had shared a kiss, but Lucy wasn’t blind. Since she knew both of them inside and out, they were being obvious in ways they thought that everyone was immune to.
Lucy tried to shove the sickness that came with that knowledge far down, not wanting to feel anything at all. Now Lucy had to think for a second before she spoke, not wanting to bite anyone’s head off.
God she couldn’t wait to go home.
Lucy's cellphone had died long ago as she forgot to bring her charger into work with her, so that meant that Lucy couldn’t send Luka any SOS messages or updates.
“Come with me.” Abby said, getting up suddenly. “Where are we going?” Lucy asked as Abby ushered her down the hallway to the familiar turn of the break room.
“I have hair dye and I’m just really bored.” Abby huffed in frustration. “Where did you even acquire hair dye from?” Lucy asked, chuckling in amusement.
Abby opened her locker, taking out her handbag and rooting around in it and pulling the box of bleach out. Of course Abby was going blonde, it was like a condition that every woman must have if they want to date John Carter.
Maybe I should go brunette. Lucy thought bitterly, but shook that thought from her mind.
“I bought it before work, intending to dye my hair when I got back from work. Obviously that never happened…” Abby trailed off.
“Do you want me to do it for you. I touch up my highlights all the time.” Lucy smiled, inspecting her own hair. Even though Lucy was a natural blonde, she did need to highlight her hair to keep her hair remaining bright especially as she got older.
“That would be great! Thank you.” Abby smiled as the two of them made their way back to the trauma room that Abby was staying in.
“God. This place is like a ghost town when it’s quiet. It’s creepy.” Lucy shivered, waking warily down the dark empty corridor. “It’s weird seeing it so… empty.” Abby agreed.
Abby sat down on a chair as Lucy sat up on the bed for some leverage, working with what she had and with precision.
“Woah. What’s going on in here?” Jing-Mei asked, coughing upon entering the room at the peroxide fumes lingering in the air.
The mix of peroxide and the permanent smell of bleach and disinfectant from the hospital was enough to turn Lucy’s stomach, making her feel queasy.
“Lucy’s helping me dye my hair.” Abby said simply, explaining once again where she got the hair dye from.
“Lucy, are you alright? You’re looking a little… green.” Jing-Mei said carefully, Lucy looked drained of colour and kept swaying on the spot as she clipping Abby’s hair up. Abby turned around to face Lucy, her own eyes widening.
“The smell is just… a lot.” Lucy said faintly. “Maybe it’s best to sit down.” Abby smiled kindly. “Yeah.” Lucy agreed, hauling herself onto the bed.
Jing-Mei left the room to go and see what the boys were doing, wandering through the hospital boredly.
“Lucy, be honest with me please. Are you okay, you’ve been really quiet.” Abby frowned, taking Lucy’s hand in her own. Lucy absolutely did not want to tell Abby the truth, after all how was Abby supposed to know she loved John if she never even told her.
“It’s this hospital. Being stuck in it….” Lucy trailed off, rubbing her arms in a comforting gesture. That was also the truth, so she wasn’t lying to Abby entirely.
After Lucy's accident, she found it difficult to stay in the hospital any longer than was absolutely necessary.
“Is this because of…him?” Abby said hesitantly. “You can say his name,” Lucy smiled.
Abby knew Lucy’s every thought and feeling about being back in the hospital after being stabbed, especially the complicated feelings that came with it all.
“But, yeah it is. I can hardly stomach staying three hours past my finished time. Almost two weeks has been torture mentally.” Lucy confessed.
“I’m sorry.” Abby frowned, moving to embrace Lucy, being careful to keep her hair away from Lucy’s.
Abby and Lucy went on to have a heart to heart for the remainder of the forty-five minutes it took for the bleach to fully sink into Abby’s hair.
Abby flipped her hair over the sink, Lucy helped rinse the bleach out of her hair. She ran her small fingers through strands of Abby’s hair, massaging Abby’s scalp with shampoo as she thoroughly got all the dye out and soothed the pain from the burn of bleach.
Once Lucy was confident that everything was out of Abby’s hair, she helped wrap it in a towel.
“I think it went well!” Lucy beamed. “You should be a hairdresser as a side hustle. And that massage you gave me was very much needed.” Abby said, taking the towel out of her hair and drying it throughly.
____________
When the lockdown got lifted, Lucy was the first one out of the hospital. How she was going to be able to return back to work after this, she had absolutely no idea.
As soon as the fresh air hit her face, all of the feelings that Lucy was bottling up and repressing hit her all at once. It was overwhelming and she felt as though she couldn’t breathe.
Lucy had to bite her lip to suppress a sob that she desperately didn’t want to escape.
“Are you okay?” Luka asked in concern, rushing over to Lucy the moment she stepped out the hospital and the absolutely crushed look that Lucy had on her face.
“Fine,” Lucy said in a clipped tone as she hurried away from him. “Don’t lie to me, Lucy.” Luka warned as she chased after Lucy. For someone with such little legs, she sure could move briskly.
“I’m not. I just want to get home.” Lucy replied back, looking over her shoulder at Luka but she knew that was a mistake as the look of concern etched on his features made her crumple. The fact that someone cared so much for Lucy, made her eyes well up with tears as she never thought that she was deserving of it.
“Let me take you home. Please.” Luka begged. “I’m taking the L home, Luka. I’ll see you on Monday.” Lucy said, begging back for him to just leave her alone and let her deal with this herself.
Lucy sprinted up the stairs to the platform, Lukas heavy footprints clinking up after her.
Lucy made it up onto the platform before Luka, her tears free falling down her cheeks without control.
The sharp gust of cold air from the train pulling in was enough to dry the hot tears on Lucy’s face, leaving her with streaks down her cheeks and bleary eyes.
Luka approached Lucy and she didn’t even attempt to push him away this time, feeling utterly defeated. He pulled Lucy in the tightest bone crushing hug but Lucy didn’t mind the weight of Lukas body on her bones, it acted like a weighted blanket of sorts.
“I’m taking you home.” Luka said finally, leaving no room for Lucy to put up a fight. Lucy was so exhausted that she agreed, letting him move her towards his car.
The car ride was spent in comfortable silence, the sound of Bruce Springsteen playing over the car radio lowly acted as nice background noise. Lucy stared out the window, watching as the car whipped past various places in the city.
Luka pulled up outside Lucy’s apartment building, watching as she got out of the car with a huff. He couldn’t leave her like this so he got out of the car with her.
“Here let’s sit down.” Luka said, putting his hand out to rest on Lucy’s arm. She nodded and dropped to the stone steps that led up to her building, the stone cold underneath her.
“What’s going on?” Luka asked, his voice impossible soft that it made Lucy’s heart ache.
Lucy hesitated for a minute before answering. “He picked Abby, Luka.” She sighed in defeat, resting her heavy head in her hands as she willed fresh tears away.
Luka was silent, Lucy knew that he was processing this information too, dealing with it better than Lucy ever was.
“Okay.” Luka said slowly, focusing his eyes on a piece of grass to avoid Lucy’s eyes.
“That’s it?” Lucy asked in disbelief. “I want to scream at them and cry and be just really immature.”
“I guess I'm just not surprised.” Luka said honestly but Lucy nodded like that explanation seemed acceptable.
“Being stuck in the hospital too just has me on edge too. All my feelings seem too much to handle right now, that’s probably why I’m taking this so hard.” Lucy explained as Luka passed Lucy her own cigarette.
“Figured you needed this more than me,” Luka cut in, the words echoing what he had said to Lucy weeks earlier.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Luce. It’s difficult seeing the person you’re in love with falling for someone else.” Luka said gently, pulling Lucy into his side.
Lucy put the cigarette up to her lips with shaky hands inhaling before exhaling a stream of smoke into the atmosphere.
“I’ve also not taken my ADHD meds in two weeks so I feel like shit in general to be honest.” Lucy chuckled, finishing off her cigarette and putting it out on the steps. “I also forgot to get a refill so I’ll be without them for another week at least."
“I’ll write you a script.” Luka shrugged. “I’ll let you get inside. I know you’re dying too.”
“Thanks again, Luka.” Lucy said, standing up on the steps as Luka bounded down to his car. “No problem.” He said, getting in his car and driving away.
Once Lucy got inside, she made a beeline for her shower. Stripping the scrubs off her body and throwing them so they landed somewhere in a ball in the hallway, she was binning them as soon as she got out of the shower.
Lucy stepped into the shower and under the steaming hot stream of water. She felt her muscles relax and any tension released from her body at that moment.
Lucy lathered her hair in the most expensive shampoo and conditioner that she had that was usually saved for special occasions, but Lucy figured that she owed this.
She scrubbed at her body to get all the dirt and grime off and the forever lingering smell of the hospital off aswell.
Lucy sat directly under the stream of the water, pulling her knees up to her chest as the water battered off her back and engulfed her entire body like a warm hug. She rested her head against her knees and let the bitter sting of tears fall.