Chapter Text
For a shift on Valentine’s Day, Lucy was not feeling the love. Not even the party after her shift seemed pleasant. The day had soured.
Her resident as usual short with her, could not be bothered. His concerns and her concerns were not on the same page. It would take a miracle for Dr. Carter to see eye to eye with her. And she really needed someone to.
Lucy needed help.
Despite the growing number of pending medical cases, her day had revolved around a patient of one and she alone could do little for him. What presented as a typical migraine had since shifted. Her suspected diagnosis far more serious. Paul Sobriki needed Psych, but Psych was nowhere to be seen. Lucy was getting desperate. After some earlier attempts paging the department there was still no sign of them. Randi was probably tired of her constantly asking for an update. The nurses tired of her pestering. And Dr. Carter, well Dr. Carter was being Dr. Carter.
Was Psych really that busy or were they just ignoring her? Lucy could not say. All she knew was that the delay was not helping her or her patient.
Paul’s patience was thinning. His agitation only growing since his outburst in the hall with his study mate. His disorientation evident when she found him wandering in the lounge! But despite her resident’s insistence to pick up other patients and let Malik be his minder, Lucy would not abandon Paul now.
She had excused herself from his side to give paging Psych another try, hopefully to better results.
Her latest page went unanswered.
The med student steeled herself as she lingered by the door of Curtain Area Three. An apology prepped as she was again the barer of bad news. Sorry Mr. Sobriki, another delay. Another delay after another. Someone will be with you soon. Lucy never had the stomach to lie to a patient. But perhaps it wasn’t a lie. She full heartedly planned to get Psych’s attention.
Even if it meant dragging Dr. Carter by his tie to get it. If they won’t listen to the med student, perhaps they would listen to her resident.
“Paul,” she greeted as she pushed open the door.
Her audience was not present. At first glance she saw he was not in his bed. In fact, all three beds were empty.
“Paul?” Lucy called as she fully entered the room. Did he wander off again?
A flurry of movement caught her eye. There he was, in the far corner of the room. She crossed the room halfway to meet him.
“Paul, I’m so sorry. It’s going to be a little awhile longer. I paged-”
Her apology and reassurance were cut off midsentence by a pressure in her belly.
Lucy looked down to be met with a grisly sight. A hilt of a knife was stuck in the upper right quadrant of her belly!
At first there was a strange feeling of warmth, but that is short-lived. Pain followed, sharp poking pain. It spread all around the foreign object inside of her. The sharpness soon replaced by burning.
She had been stabbed!
Paul Sobriki, her law student patient who originally presented as a migraine had just stabbed her!
Before she can dwell on this, the knife is withdrawn only to be returned. This time Paul stabbed her in upper left quadrant of her belly. The previous sensations returned, just on the opposite side.
Please be the end of it. Please, no more.
Her eternal pleading in interrupted as the pattern resumed.
Lucy felt as the knife is withdrawn again. It pulled out of her, cutting her insides slicing them on the way out. The knife is freed with a sickening wet pop.
Paul goes for her chest.
Then her neck.
She was on the floor before she realized it was over. Time had skipped. Where her attacker was now, she could not be sure. Lucy’s last tangible memory was just the sensations.
Her belly, her chest, her neck.
She had been stabbed! Four times!
Her belly, her chest, her neck.
Her hand on extinct reached for her neck. She must stop the bleeding. But how? Especially since she was bleeding elsewhere? Her hand doesn’t make it as it dropped to her side.
The lights are flipped off. When did that happen?
In the distance music has begun to play. Oh right, the Valentine’s Day party. Lucy was supposed to go. She had Valentine’s for her coworkers. They were in a bag in the lounge. For the nurses, the attendings, and even Dr. Carter. . .
Time had passed.
As the music continued to play, Lucy cannot be sure just how much. Seconds, minutes, hours, days. It was hard to tell as she laid on the ground of Curtain Area Three like a fish out of water. Like a gutted fish. It was hard to breathe like one.
The last of her reserve was fading when the door opened and a pair of shiny leather shoes entered her line of sight.
Lucy knew those shoes! If she had the energy she would have shouted. Cried. Only one resident wore that style. The med student was never more happy to see her resident!
Dr. John Carter!
He came through for her in the end. Only few more steps and Dr. Carter would see her. He would sound the alarm. Get her the help she so direly needed. He would-
Another pair of feet approach her resident from behind. Her relief turned to horror. Sobriki didn’t leave. He was still in the room with them. The loud clattering of an instrument tray being knocked over is followed by Dr. Carter as he collapses to the floor. Sobriki had got him too, though she could not see where.
Lucy watched as he struggled to rise, blood smeared on the floor. His struggles only stopping when his gaze landed on her. He has seen her, but it’s too late. Minutes ago, she wanted nothing more for Dr. Carter to find and help her. As a victim of his own wounds, he was powerless to help her as she to him. His lips moved in the shape of her name, but Lucy cannot hear him. Not over the pounding of blood in her ears and the music that blared.
As the last thread of her consciousness snapped, she gave in to the dark with one final thought.
At least I don’t have to die alone.
...
graduation day !!!
aka
one year & four months later
Lucy walked through the dew kissed grass. The morning was pleasant, not too hot and not too cold. If the early morning weather was as promising, then the rest of the day should follow.
The cemetery was well kept. Clean manicured lawns with the headstones white stones against the morning sun. After she asked for directions from the kind groundskeeper, it didn’t take Lucy long to the find the Carter family plot. If possible, it appeared to be even more kept than the rest of the grounds. Freshly clipped grass, every imaginable flower, and big ostentatious headstones. The Carters flaunted their wealth even as their earthly remains turned to dust.
Next to a Robert Carter, he was laid to rest. His headstone among the more modest of the family.
Lucy stood before him.
John Truman Carter III
June 4th, 1970 - February 15, 2000
Devoted Son, Grandson, & Brother
There he was, her Dr. Carter.
A year and four months later found her back at County and this is where he landed. What remained of her late teacher was just a picture in her pocket and a polished headstone.
She read his epitaph again:
John Truman Carter III
June 4th, 1970 - February 15, 2000
Devoted Son, Grandson, & Brother
Lucy frowned. Something wasn’t right.
John Truman Carter III
Something was missing.
Devoted Son, Grandson, & Brother
An elderly woman approached the grave site. With a polite nod she stood alongside her. Lucy studied the headstone, trying to put a finger on why it looked so wrong. Then she understood.
“It doesn’t say he’s a doctor,” she said her realization out loud.
“Excuse me,” the older woman asked. “What was that dear?” She had a look of polite curiosity.
“Oh sorry,” Lucy said. Her cheeks tinged with pink. She gestured to the headstone. “It doesn’t say he’s a doctor. Dr Carter was a doctor in emergency medicine.”
The woman turned away. Her brow bunched up.
“Maybe his family didn’t deem it important to mention,” was her brusque reply.
It was Lucy’s turn to frown.
“I don’t see how they could. Dr. Carter loved being a doctor. He worked at County General day and night,” she rambled.
Lucy looked to the white stone. It looked empty. A large part of who John Carter was, was missing. Stricken from his final resting place in favor of the ideal Carter. Even then the Doctor was often forgotten these days.
The other woman made no further comment. Instead, she stood silent. Her eyes too were glued to the headstone. In the resulting quiet, Lucy studied her companion. The elderly woman was elegant, dressed in a fine black coat with her white hair bound under a matching hat. Mourner’s clothes. Her leather gloves held an assortment of fresh flowers. The same flowers that peppered Dr. Carter’s grave, some recent some dried. A frequent visitor.
The silence was broken with a heavy sign.
“Perhaps it was a bit of selfishness of my part not to include it, but him being a doctor was what cost me my grandson.”
Lucy’s mouth dropped open.
“You’re Millicent Carter,” she said awe-struck.
The grand appearance and demeanor of her companion made perfect sense. Lucy should have known from the start of their encounter.
Dr. Carter’s grandmother nodded.
“And you must be Lucy Knight,” Millicent Carter responded.
“I am,” was Lucy’s quiet answer.
In the four months she had been back at County she had never interacted with any of the Carter family members or their lawyers. They never asked any questions of her or even cast a look in her direction. She saw them though. From the distance. Dark shadows that descended upon County General. Dr. Greene kept his word as they kept Lucy out of the legal proceedings.
It felt odd to be faced with her former resident’s grandmother after all this time.
“I’ve heard you are doing well,” Ms. Carter continued. “At least one good thing has come out of all this.”
Lucy supposed she came from a place of diplomacy rather than genuine relief. It must have been just as strange for the other woman to meet her. To see the sole survivor of an attack of two.
“Dr. Carter- I mean John taught me a lot,” Lucy said. “He was a good doctor.”
Not always the best teacher, but a good doctor, nonetheless. He proved that with his long hours, his patient care. His absence was felt.
Ms. Carter hummed.
Lucy wasn’t done yet.
“Being a doctor meant a lot to him.”
“I’m aware,” Ms. Carter said after a moment to compose herself. “We would have preferred him to take his place within the family, but he insisted on being a doctor. Ever since his brother died it was all John ever wanted.”
“So why the lawsuit then?”
Lucy felt bold. Had she met Ms. Carter at the hospital maybe she would not have been. But just the two of them present at his gravesite made all the difference. They were just two mourners, not two people on opposing sides of an imposing lawsuit. She would be heard. Maybe she could understand their purpose.
“I suppose it’s for the sake of my son and daughter-in-law,” Ms. Carter admitted. Lucy could feel the weight of her loss in her words. In that moment perhaps she also carried what her and Dr. Carter’s parents felt. “They’ve lost two sons and all they have left is a daughter who has turned her back on family. They needed someone to blame. Justification.”
Lucy felt herself deflate. Of course, it just came down to wanting someone to blame. Their grief she could understand, but not what felt like needless excuses. There was more at stake, a whole hospital full. The doctor, the nurses, and all the people they served and saved at County needed- no, deserved more than finger-pointing.
“All it’s doing is hurting the medical staff and the many people they’re trying to help.”
The last sentence lingered.
The other woman’s face shifted. A mix of emotions reflected. Grief. Regret. Denial. Maybe irritation.
“I fear it’s out of my hands Ms. Knight,” Ms. Carter’s tone had changed. Cooler. Not as cordial as before. “I will not interfere with my son’s business.”
Her business was obviously her son’s business, but that was beside the point. She wanted it too. The older woman wanted to justify her grandson’s death just as much as his parents. It wasn’t about him or the people he worked with and cared for. It was always about them. His wealthy family and the rules they had set from the start. The woman said her hands were tied. That she would not intervene. Ms. Carter made it clear to Lucy that she would not listen to any additional opinions. No matter the argument, no matter the people that could be hurt, they would have their justification. They had all the time and all the money to back it up.
If she had this conversation at County that would have been the end of it. Lucy would have been forced to drop it. She would have let herself be brushed aside. But she wasn’t at County. Just like her return to the hospital, she had some fight left. After this the Carters would know her. They would have a face to a previously faceless victim.
Lucy fished into her pocket, pulling out the photo from Christmas. The smiling faces of County General greeted her once more. Dr. Greene. Weaver. Benton. Corday. Chen. Kovaċ. Finch. Haleh. Chuny. Conni. Malik. Lily. Yosh. Carol. Dr. Carter. He was one of theirs. It was reflected in the way Carol Hathaway left a few days after his death and how the remaining nurses kept him alive through stories. The way Dr. Weaver every so often got a haunted look in her eye when she would look to Lucy or Curtain Area 3. When Dr. Greene and Dr. Chen spent time walking her through new procedures during a trauma, not wanting to let her down. And how even though they were now on speaking terms, Dr. Benton carried the memory of his former student every day.
The Carter family may have lost their heir on paper, but County lost the man himself. His memory was held within the hospitals walls not that lonely plot of land.
“Ms. Carter,” Lucy handed her the photograph. “Just in case you wanted to see the people that cared for John too.”
She didn’t give the other woman a chance to respond, Lucy walked away.
She let John Carter go.
...
“Give me a CBC, Chem 7, Cath, urine for RUDS,” Dr. Kovaċ’s voice carried as he led the charge.
A trauma greeted her at the start of her shift. A college student found unresponsive by her roommate after downing an unknown quantity of pills.
The roommate followed them into Trauma Two.
“And a tox screen and blood alcohol,” Dr. Kovaċ continued. His orders at war with the roommate’s cries.
“Save her please, save her!” the young woman pleaded in between her sobs.
Lucy pulled her aside. They were tucked in the corner, only a few steps away from the chaos of the trauma room. The unresponsive patient, Jocelyn at its center.
“Bethany please,” the med student kept her tone soft. The other woman had just found her roommate unconscious and needed a moment. Lucy didn’t want to rush her, but the emergency room staff needed her help to save her friend. “We need to know what Jocelyn could have taken? Do you know if she was on any medication or been feeling sick lately?”
Bethany took a shuddering breath.
“Um she was complaining about headaches lately,” she answered wiping her mascara smeared eyes. “And um she recently recovered from a torn knee ligament. She got it from soccer.”
“Thank you, Bethany,” Lucy said.
Information gathered, the doctors and nurses of County pivoted.
“Chuny get the charcoal,” Dr. Kovaċ ordered.
...
Dr. Weaver came for her when there was a lull in activity.
“Lucy, may I speak with you for a moment?”
Jocelyn had been settled for the time being, sick but alive. There were no incoming traumas. It was a rare quiet moment in the emergency room. The dust had settled, usually before something took a turn for the worst.
“Of course,” Lucy to her credit was calm. She had reached, it the moment of truth.
They went to Dr. Weaver’s office. At this Lucy felt the calm dissipate as it turned to panic. They didn’t even go to the Chief’s office on her first day back. They spoke at admin in front of everyone. When the med student was reinstated to participate in trauma, Dr. Greene had just pulled her in. She wondered why now, did Dr. Weaver wanted to speak to her in private?
It had to be bad news!
Lucy, you have not made the cut.
You will not walk with the rest of this year’s graduates.
Lucy despaired. She thought it would be enough. She had done enough, she was enough. But it seemed it was all for naut.
“Lucy first off, let me say just how proud we are of you,” the older woman’s voice interrupted her internal spiral.
“What?” she asked. Perhaps she had heard wrong. “Really?”
“Of course, what you have done has been nothing short of remarkable. You’ve put in some excellent work and have met the requirements to graduate.”
With those words her panic cleared. She had done the work. She had come back from the brink. Lucy had gotten herself there, just hours away from graduating med school. Her MD was well within her grasp at last. She couldn’t stop from smiling if she tried.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Now normally Match Day would be held in March, but the board and the hospital wanted to see if you were able to mee the requirements in the four-month period,” Dr. Weaver explained.
“Okay,” Lucy nodded. It made sense why she didn’t receive her match a couple of months ago.
“Last year, you had matched at County in our Psych department. We would like to extend the offer now, if you are interested.”
She had matched at County.
She had matched at County last year.
She had matched at County this year!
There was a time when she felt she didn’t belong. Her first year at County was tough. She didn’t fit in. But the med student was stubborn and she stuck it out. Then the attack on Valentine’s Day happened and that should have been her sign to quit. It wasn’t. Even that didn’t stop her. Lucy had returned to County and found her place in the likes of Abby, Dr. Chen, Kovaċ, Greene, Corday, and Benton. All the nurses. Even if Psych was at the start of this whole ordeal, she still liked the work. She was still part of County and perhaps she could do better. No one would have to wait for a consult on her watch!
Dr. Weaver however seemed to take her silence as indecision.
“Or you we can find you a match at another hospital if you wish not to stay,” the Chief of Emergency Medicine offered.
“No,” the med student shook her head. “I accept.”
This time it was Dr. Weaver’s turn to smile.
“We’ll be happy to have you,” she said.
As Lucy ventured back down to the ER, she still held the warmth of her pride and joy. It was a high she was sure she may never get used to. What a day it had so far been! From finding closure at the graveyard to matching at County, the day so far had been promising indeed.
Though as it turned out another surprise was in store for her.
Everyone on shift waited for her at admin.
“Congratulations Lucy!” they chorused.
A makeshift banner that read Happy Graduation Day Lucy, Welcome to County was taped over the board. A few balloons bounced against the ceiling. Lucy laughed.
“How did you all know?” she asked.
“We just had a feeling,” Dr. Chen said as she gave her a hug.
“Besides you’re not getting rid of us that easy,” Abby added giving her another hug.
Lucy laughed again. Someone handed her a paper cup of sparkling cider in between multiple salutations. Her white coat wrinkled had become wrinkled with all the additional hugs she received.
“Speech,” Dr. Malucci yelled.
The room applauded. Lucy grinned.
“Um, thank you everyone, for everything,” she said as she stepped up on the chair that was pulled out for her. “A few months ago, I would have thought none of this was possible, but you saw me through it. I’m glad I found my place with all of you.”
The moment was interrupted by incoming trauma as was often the case with a busy emergency room. The party ended as the calm reached its end. The crowd dispersed with talks of continuing the celebrations after the shift ended.
Lucy found she didn’t mind. It was all enough for her.
...
“Hey Lucy,” Chuny approached her later in the day. “The OD patient is awake and alert.”
Lucy glanced up from the chart she was working on. She nodded.
“Thanks, Chuny,” she said setting it down.
As the nurse said the patient was awake. She was sitting up in bed with black smears from the charcoal on her face and down her hospital gown.
“Hello Jocelyn,” Lucy greeted her as she remained by the door. She waited for the patient’s teary gaze to turn towards her. “My name is Lucy Knight, I am a medical student here, do you mind if I sit with you.”
The young woman sniffed.
“Are you one of my doctors?” she asked, her voice wavering as her eyes diverted to the corner of the room.
“I’m one of the medical staff who worked on you when they brought you in,” Lucy answered as she approached the bed.
“So, Bethany obviously called an ambulance,” Jocelyn said with a derisive snort.
It was more of a statement then a question. Lucy gave her a sympathetic smile. She could hear the echo of disappointment in her patient’s voice.
“She was just looking out for a friend,” the med student answered.
Jocelyn let out another snort.
“Some friend I’ve been lately,” she whispered.
The college student gaze returned to the med student’s. Green eyes met blue.
“You probably want to know why I did it.”
“Only if you want to tell me.”
Jocelyn sniffed again. Her assumed bitterness of survival just barely keeping the tears at bay. It was a losing battle.
“I honestly didn’t think it was that bad,” she let out a small sob. “I thought I could handle it no- I thought I was handling it.”
Lucy leaned closer, her hands gripped the bedrails. She doesn’t have to say anything as Jocelyn continued.
“I was injured during a game and Coach benched me for the last few. I have to play if I want to continue my scholarship, but then there’s my grades. I need to keep my performance and my grades up, but I cannot keep it. Between workouts and practices, I hardly have time for my coursework let alone to study for exams. And even with me not playing as I recovered it is not enough.”
The floodgate had opened as the tears come with ease.
“Then there’s my frequent headaches and I cannot sleep and my social life is falling apart. I just wanted it to stop. To slow down.”
“Jocelyn, have you ever talked about this to anyone?” Lucy asked.
“No,” the young woman scoffed. “My parents have enough on their plate without worrying about my scholarship being withdrawn and as for my friends, well we’re all busy I don’t want to burden them. I just feel so alone.”
Loneliness. It gnawed at you. Early in her days of recovery, Lucy knew it well and had become familiar with being alone. Then she returned to County, and she become familiar with finding people to lift you up.
Lucy’s hand brushed against her scar on her neck.
“Can I tell something Jocelyn?” she asked.
To the med student’s surprise her patient nodded.
Lucy took a deep breath.
“Something pretty bad happened to me just last year. I was attacked and I lost someone. I had to go back home to recover. I thought everything was over. Everything I worked for, all my schooling would be left unfinished. I was in constant pain and thought that I was never going to be the same. For a while I felt alone too, even during the times when I was surrounded by family and friends. Then I came back here and I found friends I didn’t even know I had and they were able to pick me up,” she paused for another breath. The words tumbled out easily. Not because she was speaking to her family or a friend like Abby, but because maybe just maybe the other person was someone who needed to hear it. A confession that had been brewing all these months and she hadn’t realize it. “I don’t think you’re alone Jocelyn. Bethany cares. She cared enough to call for an ambulance, and she stayed in the trauma room with you. I think your friends and family may surprise you.”
Jocelyn’s shoulders heaved with the weight of her tears, but Lucy had her attention.
“And you don’t have to just talk to friends and family. You can talk to your school’s counselor to help with the workload or other counselors. Do you want to try?”
Jocelyn sniffed again. Her hands wiped away the last of her tears, then she nodded.
“I’m glad,” Lucy smiled. She may have gotten through to the young woman after all. “We can call someone to talk to you, okay?”
“Okay,” Jocelyn answered. “Can you stay with me while I wait?”
She offered her hand to Lucy.
“Of course.”
She took her hand in hers.
...
Lucy opened her locker for the last time. Her shift had gone over, but the day was completed. The last four months of medical school finished. She graduated, even if she missed the ceremony. But that hardly mattered to her. Perhaps she helped someone, her last act as a med student. A good start before she officially joined Psych in the fall.
“You’re still here?” Abby asked. “I thought you went to the ceremony.”
Lucy looked over her shoulder to see her friend standing in the doorway of the lounge.
“Yeah, I wanted to make sure someone saw Jocelyn before I left,” she said. “She was the overdose patient from this morning.”
“Everything okay?”
“I think she will be.”
The nurse joined her at the lockers.
“I’m going to miss having you around here,” Abby said as she rummaged around hers.
“I’m not going far,” Lucy told her. “Just visit me upstairs. Or page me.”
Both women grabbed their belongings and walked out of the lounge side by side.
“You want to grab something at Ike’s?” Abby asked. “You did just graduate, we have reason to celebrate.
“Sure,” Lucy beamed.
They stopped by admin on their way out. She is greeted by some last-minute salutations from the nurses and Randi.
Congratulations again Lucy.
See you next fall.
Even Frank had something nice to say in his gruff way.
The warm feeling returned from earlier. Buoyed by the continued support of her colleagues and her talk with Jocelys. The college student was going to be okay. She just had a feeling.
“So, you’re a doctor now,” Abby said as they headed for the sliding doors.
Lucy grinned.
“I guess am.”
She walked into County General that morning as a medical student and was leaving as Dr. Lucy Knight.
THE END