Chapter Text
REAL MEN DONT EAT
9:24 AM
lab rat: OMG Y’ALL
988: “y’all”
988: the colonizers have finally gotten to vanitas </3
grippy socks: what is it vani
lab rat: OKOKOKOK SO
lab rat: YK HOW I WAS GONNA SHOW AROUND A NEW TRANSFER STUDENT FOR MY COMMUNITY SRVICE HOURS
988: yuh
grippy socks: wait why do you need to get community service hours
lab rat: hush hush tomie
lab rat: ANYWAYS
lab rat: so this guy is french right
988: smash
grippy socks: put your penis away dazai
988: 💀
988: excuse me
lab rat: STFU
988: jeez ok mr bossy pants
lab rat: anyways
lab rat: so like he was speaking perfect english right
lab rat: but he had like the SLIGHTEST hint of a french accent (his voice was so deep omg imma kms)
lab rat: and omg his eyes
lab rat: he had th most gorgeous purple eyes and like short white hair and omg i’m literally crying rn
988: wait that’s wild
988: bc u know exactly who that sounds like?
grippy socks: who
988: tomie
grippy socks: what
988: use ur brain for once
lab rat: OMG WIAT YR SO RIGHT
grippy socks: ab what
grippy socks: guys
988: a certain boy in your friend group~~~
grippy socks: what do you
[grippy socks is offline]
988: LMAO TOMIE WHERE DID YOU GO
lab rat: ok but this guy was black
988: oop-
lab rat: but yk what else he had in commen with shinazugawa
988: his *wondeful* personalitu
lab rat: hell nah
lab rat: he was lowk a golden retriever actually
988: bro what then
lab rat: he was literally the most muscular man i’ve ever met
lab rat: like even more that shinazugawaw
lab rat: and he was like a head talker than me
988: lol imagine liking a tall guy couldn’t be me
988: bet you wish he was a head into you </3
[grippy socks is online]
grippy socks: that didn’t even make sense
988: kys
lab rat: 😱
lab rat: i’m shooketh
988: you too vani
lab rat: oh are you sure that you don’t want to join me
lab rat: *dramatic turn*
lab rat: in a romantic double suicide~~
988: eww
988: literally the only thing i like ab you is ur taste in shoes
lab rat: r-rly 🥺🥺🥺
988: lol no lmao
grippy socks: you should get to class dazai
grippy socks: shinobu is already here and i don’t want her breathing down my neck
988: OMG THIS TJOUGHT JUST OCCURED TO ME
988: also i’m on the way
988: SHINOBU AND YOSANO WOULD LITERALLY BE BEST FRIENDS
grippy socks: who’s yosano
988: my sadistic nursing student friend
lab rat: i thought i was y’all’s sadistinc nursing school sfrind
988: ya ig but she’s just better
grippy socks: oh the one who’s dating your crush’s sister
988: (●_●)
988: u remembered that??????
grippy socks: i actually have a stellar memory
grippy socks: now please hurry to class shinobu is approaching me
988: lol i’m outside rn
lab rat: #loneelynwss
988: jeez lil bro just fuck the exchange student already
lab rat: -_-
lab rat: i’m leaving i have to show him to his dorm
988: for a night of PASSIONATE fornication?!
lab rat: yk i rly wish you would actually die
988: me too gng </3
REAL MEN DONT EAT
6:18 AM
988: yk i was having a good day today
988: but then i remembered that we’re getting a new mistki album in 13 days
988: and one of the songs she’s already released is literally a perfect description of my relationship with chuuya
grippy socks: OMG NEW MITSKI ALBUM WHAT???
lab rat: BREAKING NEWS: Giyuu Tomioka shows actual emotion for once (not clickbait!!!)
988: alexa play despacito
lab rat: stfu dazai that meme died like 3 yrs ago
988: lol so did my brother
988: where did y’all go
988: pls that was hilarious laugh
grippy socks: i still remember when my sister died
988: PLEASEEEE WHY WAS THAT FIRST PART GIVING “I STILL REMEMBER 3RD OF DECEMBER”
lab rat: *le ghasp*
lab rat: lmao am i the only one who doesn’t have a dead sibling
988: yeah but you’re an orphan so you don’t count
grippy socks: i was 10
988: oh story time
grippy socks: someone broke into our apartment
lab rat: oh how wonderful
grippy socks: she hid me in the closet
988: haha real
lab rat: not the time
grippy socks: it was dark and i couldn’t see
grippy socks: but i remember her screaming
988: right sry
grippy socks: oh im trauma dumping aren’t i
988: ye but like pop off ig
lab rat: we dont mind tho we trauma dump a lot too lol
grippy socks: oh ok
lab rat: yk if u ever need to talk u can like
lab rat: get a therapist or smth i’m not good at this shit
grippy socks: thank you vani
988: i can pay for ur therapy!
grippy socks: ty too dazai :)
988: :)
lab rat: :)
lab rat: OK GOODNIGHT Y’ALL!!!
988: stop
988: saYING
988: Y’ALL
lab rat: hah never
988: also vanitas it’s literally almost 6:30
lab rat: SHIT IM GONNA BE LATE FOR MY NEXT KACTURE
lab rat: PROF. MOREU IS GONNA KILL ME
988: lol bye
REAL MEN DONT EAT
2:53 PM
988: @grippy socks
grippy socks: yes
988: do u know if e have rehearsal today
grippy socks: from 6:30-8:00
988: ok ty
grippy socks: ok i know this is odd
grippy socks: but can i rant
988: why u asking permission bro just do it
lab rat: OMG LET ME HEAR THE TO IEEEE TEAAAAA
grippy socks: so i was at work earlier
grippy socks: and this guy walked in and he seemed really familiar
grippy socks: he had strawberry blonde hair and like grey-ish eyes
988: omg are we finally getting a tomie romance arc
lab rat: ooooh tell me more tell me more tell me more
grippy socks: so after he finished ordering he gave me the name for his order
grippy socks: you know ab the childhood best friend i told u ab
grippy socks: the one that i lost contact with after getting put in foster care
988: …yeah? sabito right
lab rat: IS THIS GOING WHERE I THINK IT IS
grippy socks: so he put down the name sabito for his order
lab rat: OMG Y’ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
lab rat: GIYUU THATS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG OMG OMG
grippy socks: and he gave me his number
988: is tomie rly pulling bitches before me (╯︵╰,)
lab rat: you say that as if tomie isn’t the most gorgeous man ever to exist
grippy socks: i
grippy socks: thank you vanitas
lab rat: wait stop
988: that was somehow really sad
grippy socks: sorry
988: why tf r u apologizing
grippy socks: sorry
988: (ᓀ ᓀ)
lab rat: wait are y’all down for coming to my house after rehearsal
988: ???
988: why
lab rat: so yk the transfer student i met
988: BLACK SHINAZUGAWA
grippy socks: please don’t call him that
lab rat: anyways he’s a yr older than me right
988: wait now i’m scared
988: ru getting groomed vani??? *blink* *blink*
lab rat: says the grooming victem
988: …
988: go on
lab rat: anyways he bought me booze
988: WHAT
grippy socks: wth
lab rat: technically i like
lab rat: manipulated him into it by saying i’d bake him his favorite pastry
lab rat: but still
lab rat: i’m gonna make us tequila sunrises
988: lol sure
988: as long as there’s no sake i’m ok
grippy socks: i guess i’m in
lab rat: ?????
lab rat: dazai????.???
988: OH I NEVER TOLD U GUYS
grippy socks: told us what
988: ok story time lol
lab rat: oh no
989: i was an alchoholic at 16 and got so addicted to sake that i got sent to rehab for 6 months (ᵔ⩊ᵔ)
lab rat: WHAT IN THE LORE DROP
grippy socks: i fear your mental stability dazai
988: as if your any better captain depression
grippy socks: i’m gonna get ready for rehearsal
lab rat: lol bye tomie
grippy socks: bye vani
988: whattttt no bye for me tomieeeeee
grippy socks: i hope chuuya dies
988: wtf
lab rat: LMAO
988: tomie i hate you