Chapter Text
Hongjoong was lounging on the couch, some kind of sewing project in hand, when Jongho got home from his Wednesday classes. It was weird, seeing Hongjoong around the apartment all the time now that the bulk of his classes were finished. He still had his internship, of course, and his own personal projects, but he seemed not to know what to do with his more relaxed schedule. He buzzed around the apartment like a fly in a jar—boundless energy without a target.
“Hi, hyung,” Jongho greeted Hongjoong. He dropped his bag and flopped dramatically onto the love seat, dropping his head back onto the arm.
“Hi, Jongho,” Joong replied. “You… okay?”
Jongho considered the question. His mind had been a mess for days. He was occupied by his winter session classes, of course, but what was really taking up the majority of his attention was his conversation with Yeosang. What did it mean that someone he considered his friend—maybe his closest friend—had told him that everything Jongho thought about him was wrong? How had he been so wrong about Yeosang? Was he wrong? He had always thought that it was easy to tell when people are gay. Wasn’t the point that they made it easy to tell? But Yeosang had always seemed so normal to him. Quiet, sure, but not like that…
But then, Yeosang had corrected Jongho for saying he was gay, hadn’t he? He had made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in women… but that he wasn’t interested in men, either? He had said he wasn’t interested in anyone. Was that even a thing?
He wished he had someone neutral to talk through this with. Yujin obviously was not the right person, and he wasn’t that close with his school friends anymore, or any of his other classmates. He didn’t have an older brother to go to for advice. Honestly, Hongjoong was probably his best bet.
“Hyung, can I talk to you?” he asked.
“Of course. About Wooyoung?”
“No,” Jongho replied. He supposed he couldn’t fault Hongjoong for assuming that was what he was thinking about. “It’s about something else.”
“Okay,” Hongjoong said and set his work down. “What’s on your mind, then?”
“I was talking to Yeo—” Jongho cut himself off. “A… friend recently, and he told me something. I’m not sure what to think about it.”
“Oh?” Hongjoong smiled, politely ignoring the fact that Jongho had basically just blurted out who he was talking about. “What did he say?”
“He told me he’s not straight,” Jongho said. “I would never have guessed—I thought he liked women.”
“Did he tell you he liked women? Or talk to you about who he was interested in?”
“No, he’s never said anything about it at all.”
“So why did you think he did?” Joong asked gently.
“Well, most guys do, right?” Jongho replied. “And he has always let me talk to him about the girls I have been into. I thought he was just shy around girls or something and that’s why he didn’t have any experience.”
“But it turns out he was just interested in men instead?”
Jongho hesitated, frowning.
“No, that’s the weird thing,” he said.
“What is?” Joong asked, after a beat of silence.
“He said he’s not gay, either,” Jongho answered. “But that’s weird, right? I thought you were either one or the other.”
Hongjoong let out a small laugh, and Jongho scowled at him. He was sincerely trying to figure this out and Joong was laughing at him?
“Sorry,” Joong said. He had the grace to at least look properly sorry. “I shouldn’t laugh. But you know bisexual people exist, right? Sexuality isn’t like a switch that has only two choices…”
Jongho shrugged. He wasn’t sure at all about that, actually. He had kind of always assumed that bi people were like… girls wanting attention or guys in denial. He had an idea of what Hongjoong’s reaction to that would be, though, and he didn’t want to go there at the moment.
“Well anyway,” he said. “He’s not that, either, apparently. He said he’s not interested in dating anyone at all.”
“Okay.”
“That’s it?” Jongho asked. “Okay?”
“I mean… I’ll be honest,” Hongjoong replied. “I see that you’re struggling with this, but I don’t know what you’re asking me for here.”
“I don’t know,” Jongho said after a moment of thought. “But that’s weird, right? To not want to date anyone?”
“I don’t think so. It’s uncommon, sure, but why does being different mean it’s weird? People are different in all kinds of ways.”
Jongho turned that thought over in his mind. Does being different mean it’s weird? He had always kind of thought so. Like many people his age, he had spent most of his school years trying hard not to stand out. Buy the right jacket, wear the right shoes, laugh at the right jokes, like the right girls. It wasn’t until he had come to college that he had met anyone who wasn’t afraid to be a little different. Wooyoung, who was loud and flamboyant, of course, but the others, too. Hongjoong was intense and took risks with his fashion, frequently adding paint or embellishments to pieces that most people would leave plain. But that was fine, he was going into the music industry. It was okay for him to stand out Seonghwa, too, commonly wore clothes that stood out in the sea of similarly-dressed college students, but that was to be expected of him as a fashion design student. Even San and Mingi, who were normal one minute and pouting dramatically the next, even with no girls around to be cute for. Were they all weird?
“Hmm…” Hongjoong interrupted Jongho’s train of thought.
“What?” Jongho replied.
“I was just thinking, what about this is bothering you?”
“I just…” Jongho started. “I didn’t know, you know?”
“Well yeah, he hadn’t told you.”
“But I should have known.”
“How?” Hongjoong huffed.
“You can always tell stuff like that, I thought. Like with Wooyoung.”
“This again?” Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “I told you, you can’t tell just from how someone acts.”
“Well, I was right about Wooyoung, wasn’t I?”
“Yeah, well that’s just Wooyoung. I guarantee you there are people you know who are queer and you have no idea based on how they act.”
“How do you know?”
“Statistics, for one. Queer people are way more common than you realize.”
“Why don’t people just say so?”
“Come on, Jongho. You know better than that,” Hongjoong scolded gently. “And if you act like this toward other people, too, I’m not surprised no one has come out to you.”
“What? Why?” Jongho said indignantly. “It’s not like I have a problem with gay people.”
“You don’t?”
“No! I just don’t like when they’re all clingy and touchy…”
“Again, I think you’re just talking about Wooyoung, not about gay people.”
“Well, he’s the only gay person I know. And apparently San…” Jongho grimaced. Speaking of people you’d never suspect…
Hongjoong hummed thoughtfully again.
“Jongho, can I ask a question that might seem a little strange?”
“Sure, hyung.”
“Did you ever actually tell Wooyoung that you don’t like when he tries to hug and kiss you like that?”
“Of course! Every freaking time he did it!”
“No, I don’t mean like that. Did you ever talk to him about it outside of the moment?”
“Huh?” Jongho wasn’t following.
“Like not right after he did it, but in a normal moment. Did you ever catch him and ask him not to do it?”
“No…”
“I know it’s not really the main issue right now,” Hongjoong said. “But maybe you should. If you work through this situation.”
“What good would that do? He clearly doesn’t care if I like it or not.”
“Hmm… I’m not sure that’s true,” Hongjoong said, carefully. “I’m not going to say I think he’s right for this, but he always wants a reaction. You know that.”
Jongho grunted. He knew that, for sure.
“I think he might not realize you’re not messing around. Since you’re always giving him a reaction. He used to do the same thing to me, until I actually talked to him about it.”
“What are you talking about? He still does it to you,” Jongho protested.
“Yeah, but now if I actually ask him to back off, he will. He knows there’s a line.”
Jongho thought about that for a moment. Yeosang had said basically the same thing—that he had talked to Wooyoung and now Woo respected the line. What a messed-up way to behave though, he thought. Constantly pushing on people until they act annoyed and yell at you? What kind of messed up person would act like that? He made a face.
“Have you talked to him?”
“Hmm?” Jongho replied.
“Wooyoung. Have you apologized?”
“I tried,” Jongho sighed. “He didn’t accept it. He said I was being fake.”
“Were you?”
The rueful look that passed over Jongho’s face said everything. Hongjoong sighed heavily.
“Jongho…”
“No, I know, okay,” Jongho said, frustrated already. “I know I fucked up the apology. I still didn’t think I was in the wrong.”
“And now?” Hongjoong asked, after a small pause.
“What?”
“You said you didn’t think you were wrong. Past tense,” Joong tipped his head as he examined Jongho. “Has something changed?”
“Yeah. No,” Jongho ran his hand through his hair, irritated. “I don’t know. Wooyoung-hyung said some things that made me think…” He sighed in frustration.
Hongjoong stayed quiet while Jongho organized his thoughts.
“I know I should have left it alone. I know he had a good reason for not telling everyone. He was right—I didn’t think about the worst case scenario, and that put him in a shitty spot.”
Hongjoong nodded once.
“Okay, good. That’s good. Have you told him that?”
Jongho didn’t answer, he just tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling.
“Jongho, you need to tell him this. Not just me.”
“I know, hyung. I can’t just like… go talk to him again, though, right? Not so soon…”
“Why not?”
“He wouldn’t believe me, would he? He’d say I hadn’t really thought about it.”
Hongjoong laughed quietly. “Fuck, you’re probably right,” he chuckled. “God, you two are both so hard-headed. I should just lock you in a room and let you head-butt each other like goats until someone wins.”
Jongho gave a small smile at the mental image.
“Figure out how to talk to him, though,” Hongjoong added, more seriously. “Preferably soon.”
“Yeah, I will,” Jongho sighed and stood up from the couch. “Thanks, hyung.”
“Anytime.”