Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Next week~

Jeonghan had not planned on seeing Seungcheol that Sunday, which was probably why he ended up standing outside his house holding a box of homemade brownies like an idiot.

The brownies had turned out ridiculously well. He had followed the instructions on the mix Seungcheol gave him, resisted the urge to change anything because apparently he was capable of learning from experience, and the result had been warm, soft in the middle and exactly the right amount of chocolatey. 

He had packed a box for Joshua because Joshua deserved one for surviving him. 

Then, while standing in his kitchen looking at the second batch, he had a thought, Hmmm. Maybe I should give some to Seungcheol too. His house was technically on the way anyway. That was a perfectly normal reason to stop by.

Except now he was standing outside Seungcheol’s gate on a Sunday morning without telling him he was coming.

“Shit,” Jeonghan muttered, looking at the box in his hands. “What if he’s not home? What if he is home and thinks I’m weird? What if he’s sleeping? What if I woke him up? Okay, I’ll just leave it at the doorstep. No, that’s weird. That’s exactly what weird people do. I’ll knock, give him the brownies and leave.”

He walked through the gate before he could change his mind and pressed the doorbell.

Nothing happened.

He waited.

“Okayyy. He’s not home.” He turned around, already relieved and slightly disappointed at the same time, which was annoying in itself, and took two steps toward the gate.

The door opened. “Jeonghan?”

He grinned and spun around so quickly. “Oh, hi!”

Then he saw what Seungcheol was holding.

The smile disappeared.

Seungcheol stood in the doorway wearing grey sweatpants and a dark hoodie, his hair slightly messy like he had not bothered doing anything to it that morning. Jeonghan had seen him dressed properly so many times that seeing him like this felt strangely intimate, like he had accidentally walked into a part of Seungcheol’s life he was not usually allowed to see.

And then there was the baby.

Jeonghan stared.

The baby stared back.

Seungcheol looked between them.

Jeonghan slowly pointed at the little boy in his arms. “Oh…um. Is this how I find out you have a kid?”

Seungcheol blinked, then looked down at the baby, who was currently gripping the chain around his neck with one tiny hand. “No. He’s not mine.”

Jeonghan tilted his head. “Did you steal him?”

Seungcheol sighed, but there was already a smile on his lips. “No. This is Jiho. He’s my friend’s baby. He’s one. He’s been sick, and his parents needed a few hours to themselves, so I’m babysitting.”

“Oh.” Jeonghan stepped closer, looking at the baby properly now. “That’s not fair.”

“What?”

“You get only one day off and you still spend it taking care of a child.”

“I’m the one who offered.”

Jeonghan looked at him, then at the baby, then back at him. “You look tired.”

“I’m fine.”

“You look tired.”

Seungcheol glanced down at the baby again, who had apparently decided his chain was the most interesting object in the world. 

“His parents look worse than I do. They haven’t slept properly, and he’s sick. I figured they deserved a break. Besides, I’m probably the safest person they could leave him with.”

Jeonghan nodded slowly. “I guess.”

He looked at Seungcheol for another second. He looked less like the composed doctor he was used to seeing and more like an ordinary man who had spent his morning trying to keep a sick baby comfortable.

Then Seungcheol looked back at him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Did we make plans? Did I forget?”

“No, no, no.” Jeonghan immediately lifted the box. “I made brownies.”

Seungcheol looked at the box.

“I used the mix you gave me,” Jeonghan explained. “They came out really good, actually. So I packed some for Joshua, and then I thought your house was on the way, so I figured I’d give you some too.”

“That’s really nice of you. Thanks”

Seungcheol reached for the box.

Jeonghan held on. “Did you eat lunch?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Jiho’s been fussy. I wanted to settle him down first and then make something.”

Jeonghan slowly pulled the box back toward himself. “I’ll give you the brownies if you let me inside and let me make you something.”

“You don’t have to cook for me.”

“I want to.”

“Jeonghan…”

“You can take care of the baby and I can take care of you. It’s not a big deal. I promise I’ll leave after I cook something, and I promise I won’t break anything in your kitchen.”

Seungcheol stared at him for a moment.

Jeonghan waited, still holding the brownie box hostage.

Finally, Seungcheol smiled and stepped aside. “Okay.”

“Yay !” Jeonghan walked inside, and Seungcheol closed the door behind him.

Jeonghan glanced around the familiar house, then at the baby in Seungcheol’s arms, and somehow the whole thing felt strangely domestic.

He had only come to drop off brownies.

Now he was standing here, ready to make him lunch while Seungcheol held a sick baby.

Honestly, he was starting to think his life had become a little too comfortable around this man.

They made it to the kitchen, and Jeonghan immediately set the brownie box on the counter before pushing his sleeves up and washing his hands. 

He looked far too pleased with himself for someone who had invited himself into another person’s house and announced that he was going to cook. 

“I’ll make you something so amazing,” he said, drying his hands on the little towel beside the sink. “You’re going to forget you were tired.”

Seungcheol smiled. “Can you hold him for a second? I’ll get a pan and a pot for you.”

“Uh… yeah, okay.”

Before Jeonghan could think too much about what he had agreed to, Seungcheol carefully transferred Jiho into his arms and turned toward the cabinets. 

The baby stared at him and Jeonghan stared back. They had absolutely no idea what to do with each other.

Jeonghan gave him a small nod. “Sup, bro”

Jiho’s lower lip immediately started trembling.

Jeonghan’s eyes widened. “Uh… Seungcheol.”

Seungcheol turned around with a pan in one hand and a pot in the other. He took one look at Jiho’s watery eyes and then at Jeonghan.

“You made him cry by saying ‘sup, bro’? Who even says that to a baby?”

“I don’t know! I was trying to make conversation.” Jeonghan looked down at Jiho helplessly. “I think it’s just my face. Nabi used to cry every time I got near her when she was a baby. Kids hate my face.”

As if to prove the point, Jiho reached up with tiny grabby hands and scratched Jeonghan’s cheek.

“Ow.”

Seungcheol quickly put the pan and pot down on the counter and took the baby back. “Come here, baby.”

Jiho immediately tucked his face into Seungcheol’s neck, whining softly.

Seungcheol adjusted him against his chest, gently bouncing him while rubbing his back, and the baby slowly stopped crying.

Jeonghan watched them for a moment, feeling a little guilty. “Sorry. I made the situation worse.”

Seungcheol looked at him with a fond smile “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Don’t say that yet. Wait until you eat my food.”

Seungcheol laughed quietly, then started showing him around the kitchen. He pointed out where the vegetables were, where he kept the spices, which drawers had the spoons and cooking utensils, and finally the rice cooker.

“There’s rice in there too, so if you want, you can just make something simple.”

Jeonghan looked inside the rice cooker and nodded. “Okayyy. I’ll make fried rice.”

“You know we can order something, right? I don’t want you to work in my house. I want you to relax.” 

“You don’t even relax in your own house. I just want to make your day a little easier. Can I please do this?”

Seungcheol hesitated, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll try to get him to sleep quickly and come help you.”

“No, I can cook alone.” Jeonghan waved him away with both hands. “Go. Sit on the couch.”

“Jeonghan…”

“I can cook fried rice without supervision, doctor. Go.”

Seungcheol hesitated, then reluctantly walked away with Jiho.

Jeonghan watched him disappear into the living room before turning back to the counter.

Oh, God.

I’m cooking for Choi Seungcheol.

In Seungcheol’s house.

While Seungcheol is taking care of a baby in the next room.

This was getting dangerously close to some kind of domestic fantasy he absolutely had no business having. 

What was next? Was he going to start folding laundry? Was Seungcheol going to come home from work and kiss him on the forehead? 

“No,” he whispered to himself. “Absolutely not. Get a grip.” 

Seungcheol settled onto the couch with Jiho against his chest and checked his temperature first, then listened to his breathing and watched him for a while. It was the sort of thing he had done countless times at work, except this time there was no examination room, no anxious parent waiting for an explanation, no chart to update afterward. There was just a sleepy baby in his arms, a blanket nearby, and Jeonghan moving around in his kitchen.

Every few minutes, Seungcheol could hear the chopping sounds.

He smiled. 

Jeonghan was cooking for him…in his house while Seungcheol sat on the couch holding a baby.

For a moment, the whole thing felt so strangely domestic that he almost laughed at himself. This was ridiculous. He had spent years imagining Jeonghan in ways he never allowed himself to admit, and somehow the reality was so much simpler and sweeter than anything he could have imagined. Jeonghan was probably standing in the kitchen complaining to himself about his vegetables right now, completely unaware of what he was doing to Seungcheol just by being there.

Jeonghan had somehow turned an ordinary Sunday morning into something Seungcheol knew he would remember for a very long time. 

Fifteen minutes later, Jeonghan stepped out of the kitchen and found Seungcheol walking slowly across the living room with Jiho against his shoulder.

Seungcheol noticed him and lowered his voice. “Are his eyes closed?”

Jeonghan looked at the baby and nodded.

Seungcheol slowly walked toward the play mat and crouched down. He moved carefully, trying to lower Jiho onto the cushion without waking him, but the second the baby felt himself leaving Seungcheol’s arms, his tiny fingers tightened around the chain at Seungcheol’s neck.

Seungcheol stopped.

“Hey, hey. I’m right here.” He carefully freed the chain from the baby’s fingers, but the moment he tried to move away again, Jiho’s face scrunched up. 

Seungcheol sighed quietly and picked him back up, settling the baby against his chest. “Okay. We’re not ready yet. That’s fine.” 

Jeonghan pressed his lips together, trying not to make any noise because the whole thing was ridiculously cute. 

Seungcheol was so patient with him, gently patting his back and rocking him without any frustration even when the baby refused to let go. There was something almost unfair about seeing him like this. He was already attractive enough when he was being serious and professional. Seeing him tired, holding a sleepy baby against his chest and speaking in that soft voice was honestly becoming a problem.

“Come on, buddy,” Seungcheol murmured, gently bouncing him. “You’re tired. Your eyes are closing. You know you’re tired.”

Jiho made another tiny noise and tucked his face against Seungcheol’s neck.

Jeonghan had to look away for a second.

This was getting ridiculous. He was already fond of Seungcheol. He did not need the man to stand in the middle of his living room holding a sleepy baby like this and make things worse. It was almost unfair.

Seungcheol waited another minute before trying again. This time he lowered Jiho more slowly, keeping his palm against the baby’s back even after he was on the cushion. 

He gave him a few gentle pats, then paused and watched his face. When Jiho stirred, Seungcheol didn’t immediately pick him up. He simply rested his hand over the baby’s stomach and waited until his breathing settled again.

“Good,” he whispered. “That’s it. Just sleep.”

Once Jiho finally settled, Seungcheol carefully moved away and pulled a couple of cushions around him, leaving enough space for him to move but making a little barrier around the mat. 

Then he stood and checked the time on the clock, mentally noting it like he was keeping track of the baby’s nap, then slowly walked toward Jeonghan.

They both walked away quietly and once they got to the dining table, Jeonghan whispered. “Ready to eat?”

Seungcheol nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t help.”

Jeonghan shook his head and pulled out a chair for him. “Sit.”

They sat side by side. Jeonghan pushed a bowl of fried rice and a spoon toward him, then slid a small plate of stir-fried vegetables closer.

“I also made stir-fry vegetables. You gotta eat healthy too, Doc.”

Seungcheol glanced at him. “You’re not eating?”

“I already ate at home.”

“Okay.”

He took a bite. His eyes widened slightly.

Jeonghan winced. “Not good?”

Seungcheol swallowed. “It’s really good.”

Jeonghan lit up. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Great! Eat it all!”

Seungcheol laughed softly and took another bite.

For a while, Seungcheol just ate. Jeonghan kept glancing at him, probably making sure he actually liked the food, and Seungcheol pretended not to notice how pleased Jeonghan looked every time he took another bite.

Then Jeonghan said quietly, “You’re a really good doctor…and a really good caretaker”

Seungcheol shook his head. “Being a caretaker is harder than being a doctor. I don’t know how parents do it.”

“What do you mean?”

“As a doctor, I have the kid for maybe ten minutes. I examine them, prescribe something, tell their parents what to watch for, tell them the kid needs to sleep properly, and then I move on to the next patient. I don't personally have to make that kid sleep.” He glanced toward the living room. “Now I’m actually trying to put a baby to sleep, and I’m realizing how much work that part is.”

Jeonghan smiled. “Maybe it’s good practice in case you decide to have kids someday.”

Seungcheol chuckled. “That’s a very positive way of looking at this.”

“Do you want kids?”

“I’d love to. But I think it depends on my partner.”

Jeonghan looked at him. “So... in the end, you just want to marry a woman?”

Seungcheol shook his head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter to me if it’s a woman or a man. Adoption exists too. Even if I married a woman, I wouldn’t mind adopting. There are a lot of kids who deserve a good home with two parents who genuinely love them.”

Jeonghan was quiet for a second, then nodded. “Yeah.”

Seungcheol looked at him. “What about you? Do you want kids?”

Jeonghan leaned back in his chair and thought about it. “I’m very much gay, so obviously marrying a woman is out of the question. Even if I marry a man, which I don’t even know if I’ll ever do, I think I’d only want kids if that person could genuinely take care of one. I don’t want someone who wants a kid because they think babies look cute in pictures or because they like the idea of being a parent.”

Seungcheol frowned. “People actually want kids for that reason?”

“Yes.” Jeonghan sighed. “I’ve seen it happen.”

“Weird.”

Seungcheol went back to his food, but after a moment he looked at him again. “Why do you doubt that you’ll get married?”

Jeonghan’s expression changed slightly.

“I’ve just never had much luck with relationships. I’m not saying there’s something wrong with me. I dated my ex for three years. Three years, Seungcheol. I imagined a whole life with him. I thought we were going somewhere, and then he broke up with me anyway.” 

Seungcheol stopped eating.

Jeonghan kept his eyes on the table.

“It just makes you wonder, you know? Like, even if I love someone with everything I have, maybe that still won’t be enough. Because it takes two people to make a relationship work. I can’t do all of it by myself…and I think that’s what scares me. It feels like every time I really care about someone, I’m the one trying to make things work while the other person is already halfway out the door. But I’m terrible at giving up. Even when I probably should.” 

He hadn’t said it dramatically. There was no bitterness in his voice, no attempt to make himself sound like a victim. If anything, he had said it too casually, as though he had spent enough time thinking about it that the words had become something ordinary. That was what bothered Seungcheol most.

Jeonghan noticed the silence and immediately looked down at his own hands. “Sorry I’ve made lunch depressing. You can keep eating. I’m fine.”

“You don't have to say you’re fine every time you say something that clearly isn’t fine.”

Jeonghan looked up.

Seungcheol put the spoon down and leaned back slightly in his chair. He wasn’t sure how much he should say. He knew what he wanted to say, but some things felt dangerous when they got too close to the truth.

“I don't think you’re wrong about relationships needing two people. You can love someone as much as you want, but you can’t make them choose you. You can’t make someone put in the same effort. That part is true. But I don't think your relationship ending means you were stupid for believing in it.”

Jeonghan’ s fingers moved slowly over the edge of the table.  “I know that logically. I just... sometimes it feels embarrassing. Three years is a long time to spend building a life in your head with someone, you know? I had all these little plans. Nothing huge. Just stupid things. Where we'd live, what we'd do on weekends, whose family we'd visit during holidays. I thought that was what being in love was supposed to feel like. You just slowly start making room for someone in your life until one day they're everywhere…so now when I think about marriage, I don't really know. I want it, I think. I like the idea of having someone who is just... mine. Someone I can come home to. But then I remember how easy it was for someone to walk away from me after three years, and I think maybe I'm better off not wanting it too much.”

Seungcheol took a bite of his food and chewed slowly, trying to say something nice. 

Then he whispered,  “I don't think you should make yourself want less just because someone else couldn't give you what you wanted.”

Jeonghan was still looking at him in that quiet way that made it difficult to breathe normally. 

Then Jeonghan looked down again. “Do you ever get scared of that?”

“Of what?”

“Loving someone more than they love you.”

The question landed harder than Seungcheol expected.

He looked down at his food, then back at Jeonghan. There were a hundred answers he could have given. He could have said yes. He could have talked about how terrifying it was to care about someone when there was no guarantee they would ever feel the same. He could have admitted that sometimes the thought of losing someone before ever having them was enough to keep him awake.

Instead, he said, “Yes.”

Jeonghan nodded. “I think that's probably the scariest part…because when you really care about someone, you can't control what happens next.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds.

It wasn't uncomfortable. Seungcheol had begun to realize that silence with Jeonghan rarely was. Even when neither of them spoke, there was always something happening between them, something neither seemed brave enough to name.

“Jeonghan…I hope that whoever you choose to love next will love you more than anyone ever has before…and I hope he’s brave enough to show you. Not just say it when it’s convenient, but actually show you through the way he treats you, the way he stays, the way he makes sure you never have to wonder if you matter to him.”

Jeonghan looked at him with soft eyes.

Seungcheol held his gaze for another second before looking away. “You deserve that. Someone who doesn't make you question whether they're really there.”

Jeonghan smiled shyly. “That's a really nice thing to wish for someone”

“I mean it.”

“I hope you find someone like that too.”

There was something strangely tender about hearing it from Jeonghan. 

“I hope so.”

“You’re not allowed to say that and then settle for someone who makes you miserable, by the way.”

Seungcheol laughed quietly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know you are.”

“Good.”

The conversation drifted into easier things after that, and eventually Seungcheol finished the last of the fried rice. 

“That was really good. Thank you for making all of this.”

“You’re welcome.” Jeonghan smiled. 

Seungcheol stood and gathered the empty bowl and side plate and walked to the kitchen.

He turned on the tap and began rinsing the dishes while Jeonghan stood beside the counter, watching him for a few seconds before asking quietly, “Can I help with something else?”

Seungcheol glanced over at him. “You said you were on your way to see Joshua. Go have a fun Sunday. I’ll be fine here.”

Jeonghan nodded, but he didn't move. 

why did leaving suddenly feel so disappointing? He looked toward the living room, where Jiho was sleeping, then back at Seungcheol standing at the sink with his sleeves pushed up. He wanted to stay. He wanted to stay so badly that it embarrassed him a little.

“Can I stay longer? I mean, if it’s going to disturb him or make things harder for you, I’ll leave. I don't want to get in the way.”

“I’d love it if you stayed, Jeonghan. I really would. But I can’t ask you to spend your Sunday here. You were already on your way to Joshua, and he might be waiting for you.”

Jeonghan opened his mouth, but before he could answer, a cry came from the living room.

Seungcheol immediately set the bowl down. “Oh, come on. You didn't even sleep for twenty minutes.”

He quickly rinsed the soap from his hands and hurried out of the kitchen.

JEONGHAN: shuaaaa ✿ I stopped on the way at seungcheol’s house ! I wanna stay longer but he thinks I should go to you cause you’re waiting !!

JOSHUA: I will personally burn you alive if you give up the chance to spend more time inside Seungcheol’s house because of me. 

JOSHUA: I am not waiting for you. I am giving you permission to make terrible romantic decisions.

JOSHUA: STAY ! SHOOT YOUR SHOT ! 

JEONGHAN: yay ! thanks ! I wanna wife him up !

JOSHUA: Fuck him  (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

JEONGHAN: SHUA !!!!!! (╥﹏╥) 

He shoved the phone into his pocket before Joshua could say anything worse and walked back toward the living room.

Jiho had fallen asleep again. Seungcheol was sitting beside him on the floor

Seungcheol looked up and smiled when he noticed him. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Jeonghan walked over and sat down on the couch. “I'm staying. Joshua said it's okay.”

Seungcheol laughed softly. “Okay. But don't feel obligated to stay. If you get bored, you can leave whenever you want.”

“I’ve never been bored with you.” Jeonghan said softly.

“Me neither.” Seungcheol smiled.

They ended up sitting on the living room floor with a deck of UNO cards between them, playing as quietly as possible. 

Every time one of them almost laughed they pressed their lips together and glanced at the sleeping baby. 

The only sounds were the soft slap of cards and the occasional whispered “uno” that barely counted as a whisper.

A little while later Jiho woke up looking much more settled. 

Seungcheol immediately switched into doctor mode. He checked the baby’s temperature again, listened to his chest with a stethoscope and gave him a small dose of medicine and made sure he had some water afterward. Jiho fussed a little but didn’t cry the way he had earlier.

Once the medicine started working, the baby’s energy came back all at once. 

He scrambled off the play mat and started chasing Jeonghan around the living room on unsteady little legs. 

Jeonghan let himself be caught and then ran away again.

Seungcheol stood in the kitchen preparing his food. Every now and then, Seungcheol looked over his shoulder just in time to see Jeonghan crouching down to hide behind the couch or making some ridiculous little sound that sent Jiho into another fit of giggles. 

The sound filled the house so naturally that Seungcheol found himself smiling without even realizing it. He had spent the morning worrying about the baby, checking his temperature, wondering whether his parents were getting enough rest, but now he could hear Jeonghan laughing with him and somehow the whole day felt lighter.

When Jiho came running past the kitchen again, Seungcheol finally stepped out and caught him around the waist, lifting him easily into his arms. “Okay, time to eat. No running while eating.”

Jeonghan came over, slightly out of breath from chasing him. “Really? Nabi used to run around between every bite of food. She'd take one bite, run away, come back, take another bite, and somehow expect me to keep up with her. I thought that was just how babies ate.” 

“That’s not extremely wrong,” Seungcheol said, carrying Jiho toward the couch. “But it’s still wrong. Babies should sit still while they’re eating. No running, no playing, no getting distracted.” 

Seungcheol sat down and settled Jiho on the couch, to sit properly.

Jiho reached both hands toward Jeonghan the second he saw him 

Jeonghan's whole face lit up. “Oh my god, Seungcheol. He wants to be distracted by me !”

He stepped closer, already reaching for the baby, but Seungcheol gently swat his hand away.

“Nuh-uh. No distractions.”

Jeonghan pouted and sat down on the floor right between Seungcheol’s knees. He gently touched Jiho’s tiny hand.

“Doc says no distraction. Eat first, then we run.”

“No running right after eating.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “Okay, baby. After you digest.”

Jiho giggled when Jeonghan booped his nose, and Seungcheol couldn’t help smiling as he started feeding him. 

Jeonghan stayed right there beside them, quietly keeping the baby entertained without actually distracting him from his food, and for some reason the whole thing felt strangely domestic. Too domestic, maybe. Seungcheol tried not to think about it too much. 

They spent the rest of the day like that—playing, resting, chasing each other in careful circles around the living room. 

Around 7 pm the baby’s parents arrived. After a short conversation and many thanks they took Jiho home. 

The second the door closed behind them, both Seungcheol and Jeonghan dropped onto the couch.

Jeonghan chuckled, looking at the ceiling. “I had a good day.”

Seungcheol looked over at him. Jeonghan’s hair was slightly messy from the running around, his cheeks were still warm from laughing, and there was a tired little smile sitting on his face. 

Oh no, I’m falling in love so hard.

Seungcheol smiled too. “Me too.” 

Jeonghan turned his head first, and their eyes met.

Neither looked away.

It was almost ridiculous how much could happen in a few seconds when they were like this.

Seungcheol could feel his own heartbeat, could see the tiny change in Jeonghan’s expression. The distance between them wasn’t even that small, but somehow it felt much smaller than it was.

If either of them had been just a little braver, maybe one of them would have leaned forward and kissed.

Neither did.

Maybe that was the problem with wanting someone for too long. Sometimes the wanting became its own kind of comfort. It was frightening to imagine finally getting what you had spent so long wishing for, because once you crossed that line, there was no pretending anymore. 

So they sat there, looking at each other and quietly wanting something neither of them was ready to ask for.

Eventually Jeonghan looked away, and Seungcheol did too.

Seungcheol ordered dinner, and they moved to the floor in front of the couch with their food spread between them. 

They put on a movie neither of them paid much attention to because they kept talking over it, stopping occasionally when something on screen caught their attention, then drifting back into another conversation.

Neither of them noticed exactly when the conversation stopped.

Seungcheol only knew that at some point he had stretched out on the floor, and Jeonghan had ended up beside him. Their shoulders were touching. Neither moved away. 

The movie kept playing, the food sat half-finished between them, and somewhere in the middle of it all, both of them slowly fell asleep.

~

Next morning~

Jeonghan woke up slowly.

Something warm was wrapped around him. His face was pressed against something soft and solid and it smelled really good. For a second his sleepy brain just accepted it.

It felt nice, warm and so comfortable.

Then slowly his brain processed….wait a damn minute.

He blinked slowly, still half asleep, then he could hear heartbeat.

That was a chest ! 

Seungcheol's chest !

Oh no no no no no.

He was using Seungcheol as a pillow. His entire face was basically buried in Seungcheol’s chest. One of Seungcheol’s arms was heavy around his waist. The other was somewhere near his back. They were still on the floor. The movie was long over. Morning light was coming through the curtains.

Jeonghan’s brain short-circuited.

Okay. Okay. This was fineeee totallyyyy fine!

Friends accidentally cuddled in their sleep all the time…probably.

He had no idea. He had certainly never done it with Choi Seungcheol, because apparently his life had decided that subtle romantic tension wasn't enough anymore and wanted to throw him directly into the deep end. 

Was it possible that he had spent the entire night like this? Had Seungcheol been awake at some point? Had he noticed? Had he moved Jeonghan closer? 

No, no, don't think about that. That was dangerous territory. His brain was already doing enough damage without adding imaginary scenarios.

Very slowly, Jeonghan lifted his head.

Seungcheol was still asleep.

Thank God.

He looked completely peaceful, his eyes closed, his hair slightly messy from sleep. There was something unfair about seeing him like this. 

Carefully, very carefully, he started inching backward. He lifted Seungcheol's arm from around his waist and shifted a little at a time, trying not to wake him. He was almost free. His shoulder was out. His waist was almost out. 

He was almost free.

Then Seungcheol made a quiet sound in his sleep.

Jeonghan froze.

Before he could even process what was happening, Seungcheol's arm tightened around him again and pulled him straight back.

Jeonghan's entire body went rigid.

His face landed against Seungcheol's shoulder this time, and then Seungcheol shifted in his sleep, apparently searching for a more comfortable position, until his face ended up tucked against the side of Jeonghan's neck.

Jeonghan stopped breathing.

No, no, no this was so much worse.

Seungcheol's lips almost touched Jeonghan’s neck, his arm secure around Jeonghan's waist, and somehow the man was still completely asleep and completely unaware. Meanwhile Jeonghan's heart was beating so hard he was genuinely worried it might wake him up. 

What was he supposed to do now?

Wake him? Absolutely not.

Move? Apparently also not.

Stay here? That sounded like a terrible idea.

His brain, unfortunately, had already made its decision.

Stay.

Because if he moved now, he might accidentally wake Seungcheol, and that would be embarrassing, and Jeonghan had already suffered enough embarrassment for one lifetime.

So he stayed very still, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes while Seungcheol slept peacefully against his neck.

This was fine.

Everything was completely fine.

He was just being held by the man he had been quietly falling for.

Few minutes passed.

Seungcheol woke slowly, pulled out of sleep by the smell of something familiar. For a few seconds he couldn't place it. He was still caught somewhere between dreaming and waking.

Then he realized…Jeonghan’s shampoo.

The same clean, soft smell Seungcheol had started recognizing without meaning to. He had noticed it in the car, in his living room, when Jeonghan had leaned close to look at something on his phone. Lately, it seemed to follow him everywhere. He had gotten used to it, which was probably a problem in itself, but this was different. It was much too close.

Seungcheol frowned slightly and shifted.

His nose brushed warm skin.

He stopped.

His brain went completely blank for a second.

Then he realized his face was buried against Jeonghan's neck.

His arm was around Jeonghan's waist.

And Jeonghan was tucked against him like they had somehow decided sometime during the night that this was a perfectly reasonable way to sleep.

Fuck.

Seungcheol jerked backward so quickly that he nearly knocked his elbow against the floor. 

He pulled his arm away and sat up with his back against the couch.

What had he been doing?

No, more importantly, how long had he been doing it?

He rubbed both hands over his face, trying to collect himself, but that only made it worse because the memory of waking up with Jeonghan's warmth against him was still sitting far too clearly in his mind. He had been holding him. He had been sleeping with his face against Jeonghan's neck

He was in serious trouble.

Beside him, Jeonghan rubbed his eyes and sat up. “Uh…um…good morning.”

Seungcheol couldn’t look at his face. 

“Sorry. I didn’t realize I was…” He trailed off, waving a hand vaguely between them.

“It’s fine.” Jeonghan’s voice came out high pitched. He cleared his throat. “Happens. Floor is… slippery…or something.”

Seungcheol looked at him. “The floor is slippery?”

“I don’t know. I’m still half asleep.” Jeonghan dragged a hand down his face. “Don’t question me right now.”

“Right. Half asleep. I understand.”

Jeonghan looked at him then, probably intending to say something else, but their eyes met and both of them immediately looked away.

Seungcheol stared at the floor. Jeonghan suddenly looked at the sleeve of his shirt. 

It was ridiculous. They had spent the entire previous day together. They had eaten together, watched a movie together, taken care of a baby together, fallen asleep on the same floor, and somehow waking up with Jeonghan in his arms had turned them into two teenagers who had never spoken to another human being before. 

Seungcheol cleared his throat. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah.” Jeonghan nodded quickly. “You?”

“Yeah. I mean, I think so.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Seungcheol glanced at Jeonghan without really meaning to. Jeonghan was already looking at him. 

Their eyes met for barely a second before Jeonghan's cheeks turned pink and he looked down. Seungcheol felt his own face getting warm and immediately looked away too.

This was getting embarrassing.

He stood first. “Do you want coffee?”

Jeonghan looked up. “Coffee?”

“Yeah. I can make some. You can have breakfast before you leave.”

For a moment, Jeonghan looked like he was considering it. Then his eyes flicked toward Seungcheol's face, caught his gaze, and immediately dropped again. “No, thanks. I, uh... I actually have to go.”

Seungcheol frowned slightly. “Already?”

“Yeah.” Jeonghan pushed himself to his feet far too quickly and nearly stumbled over the TV remote.

He caught himself, grabbed his phone from the floor and started looking around for his things. 

“I have to get to work.”

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Jeonghan walked toward the door, opened it, then turned around as though he had forgotten something. Seungcheol looked at him.

They stared at each other.

Jeonghan's lips parted, but whatever he had meant to say disappeared somewhere along the way. 

He gave Seungcheol a tiny, awkward smile instead. “Bye”

“Bye.”

Jeonghan nodded, stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind him.

Seungcheol stood there for several seconds, staring at the closed door.

Then he slowly rubbed both hands over his face.

He had just watched Jeonghan flee his house because they had accidentally cuddled in their sleep.

And somehow, despite the embarrassment, the only thing Seungcheol could think about was how warm Jeonghan had felt in his arms.

★

For two whole weeks, they didn’t see each other.

It wasn’t intentional. Neither of them had suddenly become distant, and nothing had happened between them. Life had simply decided to get in the way.

They were busy with work, their other friends, their families and hobbies.

They still texted, though. Not constantly, but enough that Seungcheol would occasionally find himself smiling at his phone in the middle of the clinic corridor because Jeonghan had sent him some completely unnecessary complaint about his day.

Then, one night, Seungcheol had barely gotten home and dropped his keys onto the counter when his phone rang.

Jeonghan.

He answered immediately. “Hey.”

“Hey, Seungcheol. Are you busy?”

Seungcheol loosened his watch. “Nope. Just got home. What’s up?” 

“Okay, so, um... tomorrow night there’s this party at Joshua’s cousin’s house.”

Seungcheol smiled faintly. He could already hear the nervousness in Jeonghan’s voice. “A party?”

“Yeah and before you judge me, I know what you’re thinking. A house party at 28? Like, are we suddenly 18 again? But it’s not really that kind of party. Joshua’s cousin is a DJ and he just got back from America, so they’re throwing him this welcome-back thing. There’s a party because he’s gonna be his own party DJ. It’s crazy I know. Anyway there’ll be a lot of people, apparently. Some people from our school too, which is honestly terrifying because I don’t need anyone seeing me at a party after all these years and thinking, wow, Yoon Jeonghan really did survive somehow.” 

Seungcheol laughed quietly.

“Anyway,” Jeonghan continued, sounding increasingly embarrassed, “that’s not why I’m calling. His cousin asked if I’d play a short guitar set tomorrow. I almost said no because, honestly, I’m probably way past my prime at this point and I’m not exactly the cool high school guitarist I used to think I was. But then I remembered something you said to me at the reunion…about not giving up my passion. You told me I should keep doing the things I love…so I said yes…not because I want to impress everyone or prove anything. I just... I really love playing guitar.”

Seungcheol smiled. “I think that’s great.”

“Yeah. I’m excited…and nervous…well I thought maybe there’s one person I wouldn't mind impressing.”

“Me?”

“Yeah you” Jeonghan laughed nervously. “You told me you didn't really know me in high school. So you never actually saw me play back then. Well, you saw me play at the reunion, and you even clapped for me, which I still remember, by the way. So I thought maybe I could ask you to come and clap for me again. Except this time there’ll be other people around, so it might be slightly less embarrassing.” 

Seungcheol smiled. He could picture Jeonghan perfectly, probably pacing around his apartment while saying all of this, pretending it was casual when it very obviously wasn't.

“Oh,” he said softly.

“I’m inviting you to the party,” Jeonghan said quickly. “You can say no. Seriously. I won't be offended. I can just ask Joshua to record my set and send you the video afterward. That's completely fine too.”

“I have work tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Jeonghan's voice immediately dropped. “It’s oka—”

“Can I come after work?” Seungcheol asked. “Like after seven?”

“Oh! Yeah, totally. The party starts around six, but you can come later. Seven is fine. Even eight is fine. Come whenever you can.”

Seungcheol laughed. “Okay, then send me the address. I'll try to get there as early as I can.”

“Oh my God, thank you so much!” Jeonghan sounded genuinely happy now. “You're the best, Cheollie. Seriously. Okay, I have to go practice because apparently I have a performance tomorrow and I haven't even decided what I'm playing yet. Byeeee!”

“Good luck,” Seungcheol said, smiling.

“Thank you! Bubyeeee!”

“Bye.”

The call ended, but Seungcheol kept looking at his phone for another few seconds.

Two weeks without seeing him, and apparently all it took was one phone call for Jeonghan to rearrange his entire evening in his head. 

He was going to finish work, drive across town, stand in a crowded house full of people he barely knew, and watch Jeonghan play guitar.

And, if he was being completely honest with himself, he was already looking forward to it far too much.

~

Next day Seungcheol made it to the party a little after 8 pm

The house was already packed enough that he had to pause just inside the doorway and figure out how he was supposed to get through the crowd without accidentally stepping on someone’s foot or knocking a drink out of somebody’s hand. 

He caught sight of the DJ  in the corner, surrounded by people and working the DJ setup like he had been born behind a console. He assumed that was the cousin.

Seungcheol barely registered any of it, though, because his eyes had already started searching for his favourite person.

He found Jeonghan near the other side of the room.

He was wearing a white t-shirt that had slipped off one shoulder. People called that style. Seungcheol still didn’t really understand how letting your shirt fall off counted as fashion, but he wasn’t about to start an argument with it.

Tiny silver stars were printed across the shirt, and matching silver star clips were tucked into Jeonghan’s hair. 

The tight black leather pants did not help Seungcheol’s ability to think clearly.

He had to look away for a second.

He was not going to stand in the middle of a crowded party and stare at Jeonghan like an idiot. 

He was not possessive. Jeonghan could wear whatever he wanted. If he wanted to wear a shirt falling off his shoulder and leather pants to a party, that was completely his business. Seungcheol was simply appreciating the outfit. That was all.

He walked over and realized Jeonghan was talking to Soonyoung.

“Jeonghan, bro, come here. Let me demonstrate the dance move,” Soonyoung said, already grabbing Jeonghan’s waist. “It’s like a grinding move where you basically—”

“Jeonghan.”

Seungcheol didn’t even say it loudly, but Jeonghan turned immediately.

His entire face lit up so brightly.

“Seungcheol !”

He immediately pushed Soonyoung’s hands away without even looking at him and stepped straight into Seungcheol’s space and hugged him.

“You made it!”

Seungcheol’s hand settled on Jeonghan’s back. “I’m sorry. Am I late? Did you already finish performing?”

Jeonghan pulled away. “No, not yet! But I’m just a teeny tiny tipsy though. I needed courage.”

Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. “For what? Hugging him?”

Jeonghan turned and gave him a full pout-glare. “To perform.”

Seungcheol looked at him. “You don’t need to drink to perform. It’s not like you drank in high school or something.”

“No… but—”

Soonyoung cut in again. “Yeah yeah whatever. Come here, let me demonstrate the dance move.”

Seungcheol still hadn’t moved his hand from Jeonghan’s back. He wasn’t planning on removing it either.

Jeonghan shook his head. “No. I don’t want you to grind on me or anything.”

Soonyoung groaned. “I’m not tryna seduce !!! It’s literally just a move! Okay wait!” 

He reached out and grabbed the nearest person by the collar. “Mingyu!”

Mingyu, already clearly drunk, blinked at him. “Sup bro.”

“Would you mind lending me your body for a second? I wanna show Jeonghan a dance move.”

Mingyu shrugged. “Sure, man.”

What followed was one of the most awkward grinding demonstrations Seungcheol had ever witnessed. Both of them were giggling too hard to keep any kind of rhythm.

Seungcheol leaned closer to Jeonghan, looking genuinely confused. “Why does he want to show you this move?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “He’s trying to choreograph something for work. His other colleague thinks that move is too sexual, and Soonyoung thinks it’s not. He’s trying to prove his point.”

Seungcheol glanced back at the two of them.

Mingyu was swaying around with a ridiculous grin while Soonyoung tried to explain the movement between fits of laughter.

He stared for another second. “Okay well… this proves his point. It’s not sexual. It’s kinda the opposite. It’s ruining my mood. Come on, let’s get away from this.”

Jeonghan giggled. “Yes!”

Seungcheol guided him toward a quieter corner with the hand still resting lightly on his back.

Once they were away from the worst of the noise, he finally looked at Jeonghan properly.

The little silver star clips in his hair had shifted.

Seungcheol lifted his hand before he really thought about it and gently adjusted one of them, carefully moving it back into place.

Jeonghan’s grin went wide and soft, eyes closing for a second in that way that always made Seungcheol’s heart feel too big.

Joshua walked past carrying a big ice bucket full of drinks.

“Yo!” he said, stopping when he saw them. “Seungcheol, right? We haven’t officially met, but hi.”

Seungcheol nodded. “Hi.”

Joshua tilted the bucket toward him. “Alcohol?”

“I don’t drink, but can I get water?”

Joshua pulled out a bottle and handed it over. 

Seungcheol twisted the cap open and held it out to Jeonghan. “Drink.”

Jeonghan blinked. “Why?”

“You’re tipsy. Sober up a little more before you perform.”

Jeonghan's mouth pulled into a small pout, but he took the bottle anyway. “You’re very bossy.”

“Drink.”

“I am drinking.”

He took several long sips, and while he was doing it, his eyes happened to meet Joshua’s over the top of the bottle.

Joshua smirked and gave him a small, very obvious approving nod before walking away with the bucket.

Jeonghan took another sip, then lowered the bottle and glanced toward the DJ booth. 

“That’s Hansol, by the way. Joshua’s cousin. He’s the one I was telling you about. He’s actually really good. He’s been acting all calm about it, but I know he’s nervous. He checked his equipment like five times before people started arriving. I was making fun of him for it earlier, but then he told me if anything went wrong, he’d throw himself out the window, so I decided maybe I should stop.” 

Jeonghan laughed softly at his own story, then took another sip. “I got here around 5 pm, by the way. Joshua dragged me here early because he said I needed to help him set things up, which apparently meant holding things while he decided where they looked best. Then I helped Hansol carry some speakers, and I met a bunch of people I haven’t seen in forever. One guy actually recognized me before I recognized him, which was embarrassing because I stood there for like thirty seconds trying to remember his name. I think I called him Daniel. His name was David. So that went well.”

Seungcheol smiled. “Did you at least apologize?”

“I did. He said it was fine, but then he spent the next ten minutes telling me about his life, so I think he was just happy someone remembered him at all. Then I practiced for a while and—”

Someone passing behind them bumped into Jeonghan’s shoulder, and he stumbled half a step forward before catching himself. 

“And then I was getting a little nervous and—”

Another person squeezed past a few seconds later, brushing against Jeonghan again. 

Seungcheol glanced around the room. There were people moving in every direction, barely paying attention to where they were going. 

He didn’t like how often Jeonghan was getting knocked around.

Without making a big deal out of it, Seungcheol placed a hand lightly against Jeonghan’s upper back and guided him a few steps sideways until Jeonghan was standing with his back against the wall. Seungcheol stayed in front of him, leaving enough space between them to be comfortable but enough to block most of the people passing through.

Jeonghan looked at him. “What?”

“You keep getting bumped.”

“Oh.” Jeonghan glanced past him at the crowd, then back at Seungcheol. “I didn't even notice.”

“I did.”

The answer was simple, almost matter-of-fact, but something about it made Jeonghan go quiet for a second.

Their eyes stayed locked for a few seconds, just looking into each other’s souls.

Jeonghan looked down first, suddenly very interested in the label on his water bottle. “Anyway, I was telling you about what I did before you came.” 

 “You were.”

“I also danced.”

“Really?”

“A little.” Jeonghan's smile returned. “Joshua made me. I wasn't even drunk then. I just got dragged into it.”

“I would've liked to see that.”

“You might get to. There’s going to be dancing later.”

Seungcheol laughed quietly. “I'll be watching.”

Jeonghan looked at him. “You'll actually stay?”

“Of course.”

Jeonghan blushed and took another sip of water, then said quietly, “you kinda arrived at the right time.”

“Why?”

“Because I was starting to get nervous again.”

“You don't need to be nervous.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“I know. But I mean it.” He leaned slightly closer so Jeonghan wouldn't have to strain to hear him over the music. “You've played before. You know what you're doing. You don't have to prove anything to anyone tonight. Just play the songs you like and have fun with it…and if you mess up a chord? So what? Nobody's going to remember one wrong chord. Most of the the people here probably won't even notice…and the people who do notice will forget about it five minutes later. You don't need to play perfectly.” 

“But what if I mess up really badly?”

“Then you laugh and keep going.”

“That sounds terrifying.”

“You'll survive.”

Jeonghan smiled.

“You don't have to be perfect, Jeonghan. I just want you to enjoy playing.”

For a moment, Jeonghan didn't say anything. He simply looked at him, and Seungcheol could almost see the nervousness leaving his face little by little.

“You really think I'll be okay?”

“I know you'll be okay.”

Jeonghan's lips curved into a small smile. “You're very good at saying things that make me feel better.”

“Good.”

“And you're very calm.”

“I've been told.”

“And I'm very nervous.”

“I've noticed.”

Jeonghan laughed and looked down. “I hate that you can tell.”

“I can tell because I know you.”

The words slipped out naturally. Seungcheol didn't take them back.

Neither of them spoke for a few seconds.

Then Jeonghan smiled, small and shy, and leaned back against the wall. “Okay. I'll try not to worry.”

“That's all you need to do.”

“And you'll clap?”

Seungcheol smiled. “I'll clap.”

“Even if I mess up?”

“Especially if you mess up.”

Jeonghan laughed softly. “That's a weird promise.”

“Still a promise.”

Jeonghan looked at him for another moment, then nodded. “Okay. I think I can do it.”

Seungcheol smiled. “You can.”

And for some reason, with Seungcheol standing there in front of him, blocking the crowd and looking at him like he genuinely believed every word he was saying, Jeonghan finally believed it too.

The spotlight hit them without warning.

Jeonghan squinted immediately, turning his face away from the sudden brightness, and Seungcheol lifted his hand over Jeonghan’s eyebrows, shielding his eyes from the light.

“Better?”

“A little,” Jeonghan murmured, still blinking.

Then Joshua’s voice came through the microphone. “Everyone! Please cheer for our special performer of the night, Yoon Jeonghan!”

Hansol immediately changed the music, and the speakers filled the room with something loud and energetic. The people around them started cheering, some of them already shouting Jeonghan’s name.

Jeonghan stared at the crowd. “Oh god.”

Seungcheol stepped back just enough to give him space. “Good luck.”

Jeonghan took a deep breath, looked at him, and gave his hand a light squeeze. “Thanks.”

Then he walked away.

Seungcheol watched him go.

He had seen Jeonghan nervous before. He had seen him ramble, overthink, complain about his shoulder, get excited over brownies, fall asleep on his couch, and look at him with that soft, uncertain expression that still managed to make something inside Seungcheol ache. But this was different.

Jeonghan climbed onto the wooden boxes they had pushed together for a stage, picked up his electric guitar, and slipped the strap over his shoulder. He adjusted it twice, pushed his hair away from his face, and looked toward Joshua.

Joshua immediately raised the microphone. “You’d better pay attention to his performance! You’re witnessing the greatest of our generation, so make some noise!”

The room responded with cheers and clapping. Seungcheol’s hands joined in too.

Jeonghan laughed, shaking his head, but then he looked down at his guitar.

Then he started playing.

At first it was just clean notes. Then the solos hit and the whole room got louder. People were cheering, Joshua was hyping him up from the side.

 Jeonghan just kept going harder, grinning like he was having the best time of his life.

Then he looked across the room and found Seungcheol.

Their eyes locked.

And just like that, everything else disappeared.

Seungcheol couldn’t hear the crowd anymore. He couldn’t hear the guitar either. It was like someone had pressed mute on the entire party.

Suddenly he felt like a teenager again.

God, he had watched him so many times. Back in school, from the other side of the auditorium, from the hallway outside the music room, from wherever he could stand. He remembered sitting among everyone else, clapping when everyone clapped, while his eyes stayed fixed on Jeonghan the entire time. He remembered the way Jeonghan used to smile when he got through a difficult part without messing up, the little proud look that would flash across his face before he started playing again.

Seungcheol remembered all of it.

Jeonghan was older now. His face had changed, his style had changed, his voice was a little different, and Seungcheol knew him now in ways he had never been able to know him back then. He knew he talked too much when he was nervous and got quiet when something actually mattered to him. He knew what his apartment looked like. He knew what his handwriting looked like. He knew the sound of his laugh when something genuinely caught him off guard.

And still, somehow, the second Jeonghan started playing, Seungcheol felt like a kid all over again.

What the hell?

Jeonghan played another run of notes, harder this time, his fingers moving quickly over the strings. Someone shouted his name from the crowd. Joshua yelled something into the microphone. Everyone cheered, and Jeonghan laughed, his whole face lighting up. 

Fuck he was so damn beautiful…and so damn talented.

This was Jeonghan being completely himself, doing something he loved, so caught up in it that he had forgotten to worry about how he looked. He wasn't trying to impress anyone. He wasn't checking whether people were watching. He was just playing.

And Seungcheol wanted to remember this forever.

That thought came with such force that it almost made him dizzy.

He wanted to remember the exact way Jeonghan looked right now. The silver clips in his hair. The way his shirt had slipped off his shoulder. The little crease between his eyebrows when he concentrated. The smile that kept appearing whenever he played something difficult. He wanted to keep every second of it somewhere safe because there was something horribly familiar about this, something that made his heart hurt.

He had stood somewhere in a crowd before and watched Jeonghan play while everyone else saw a talented boy with a guitar. Seungcheol had seen Jeonghan. He had gone home thinking about him. 

He had done it again and again and again.

And now, ten years later, he was doing the exact same thing.

Except this time Jeonghan knew his name.

This time Jeonghan had invited him.

This time Jeonghan had looked for him in the crowd.

It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. His heart started beating so hard that for a second he genuinely wondered if Jeonghan could see it from across the room.

Jeonghan didn’t look away.

Why wasn't he looking away?

Why was Jeonghan smiling at him like that?

Seungcheol's fingers curled against his palm.

God.

He wanted to go over there and hug him.

He wanted to stand right in front of him and tell him how good he was. He wanted to tell him that he'd watched him play a million times in school. He wanted to tell him that he remembered. He remembered the school performances. He remembered sitting in the crowd. He remembered trying not to stare. He remembered falling for him.

He wanted to tell him everything.

But he couldn't tell him any of it.

Because what was he supposed to say?

Hi, Jeonghan. You know that boy from high school you don’t remember? He loved you. He loved you for years. He watched you play guitar whenever he could. He thought you were beautiful. He thought about you constantly. He gave up on ever having you. Then you walked back into his life ten years later and somehow made everything come back. 

It sounded pathetic when he put it that way.

Worse, it wasn't even unique.

That was the part Seungcheol hated admitting to himself. He wasn't some great exception to the rule. Jeonghan had been Jeonghan. Of course people had fallen for him. There had been girls who waited outside classrooms for him, boys who found excuses to sit beside him, people who knew his schedule better than their own. Seungcheol had seen it happen. He had watched people stare at Jeonghan the same way he was staring now.

So what made his feelings any different?

Nothing, maybe.

Maybe he had simply been another stupid boy in love with the prettiest person in the room.

Just another one of them…another one of those people who had a huge crush on the most popular boy of high school

Jeonghan played another impossibly fast sequence and the room exploded with cheers. He laughed, looking so happy that Seungcheol's heart actually hurt.

And suddenly the thought came, stupid and terrifying and so painfully simple that he couldn't push it away.

I love you.

He looked at Jeonghan and his heart just kept beating.

I love you.

It wasn't even a thought anymore. It was just there, filling every stupid corner of his head while Jeonghan played guitar and smiled at him from across the room. 

All he could hear, somewhere deep inside himself, was that same stupid line repeating over and over.

Fall in love again and again…Fall in love again and again….Fall in love again and again…

Now he had no idea what to do with that love because Jeonghan was finally close enough to touch. 

By the time Jeonghan played the last note, the whole room was cheering. He let the sound wash over him for a second, then carefully lowered the guitar, stepped back, and bowed deeply.

He climbed down from the makeshift stage and immediately got swallowed by the crowd. 

People stopped him every few steps to tell him how good he had been, patting his shoulder and congratulating him, and Jeonghan thanked every single one of them with the same bright smile. 

He looked happy. 

Seungcheol watched him make his way through the room and felt that ache in his heart all over again.

Then Jeonghan finally reached him.

He stopped right in front of Seungcheol, still smiling, his eyes bright from the performance. “So? How was I?”

Seungcheol smiled. “You were amazing.”

“Really?” Jeonghan asked, and there was something so genuinely hopeful in his face that Seungcheol's heart squeezed.

“Really.” He looked at Jeonghan for another second, then had to glance away because suddenly he didn't know what to do with himself. “I... I wish I could phrase it better, but I don't know what else to say. You were the brightest star in the room, Jeonghan. You were glowing….and you were just so damn talented.”

“Thank you,” he said, almost shyly. “That actually means a lot. Let's go and get something to drink. I'm dying.”

Seungcheol opened his mouth to answer, but his phone started ringing.

He pulled it from his pocket and picked up the call and spoke.

Jeonghan waited beside him, watching Seungcheol's expression change as he listened. He couldn't make out much over the music. Seungcheol spoke for another few seconds, asked a couple of questions, then rubbed his forehead and nodded.

“Okay. I'm coming.”

He ended the call and looked at Jeonghan.

“I’m so sorry. I have to go.”

The smile disappeared from Jeonghan's face. “What? Why?”

“It's my friend. He needs some help. It's a car problem. He couldn't get a taxi home and he's nearby, so...” Seungcheol glanced toward the door, then back at him. “I just have to go.”

Jeonghan grabbed his hand. “Nooooooo”

Seungcheol looked down at their hands.

“Don't go yet,” Jeonghan whined, fingers curling around his. “I just finished playing. I wanted to hang out with you. You came all the way here and now you're leaving?”

“I know. I'm sorry.”

“Can't your friend call someone else?”

“He's already been trying.”

“Joshua can help.”

Seungcheol looked at Joshua who was chugging an entire can of beer.

“He’s…drunk.”

“Hansol?”

“He's DJing.”

“Soonyoung?”

Seungcheol gave him a tired little smile. “I don't think Soonyoung is in any condition to solve a car problem right now.”

Jeonghan looked over at Soonyoung, who was currently arguing with Mingyu about something that neither of them seemed capable of explaining.

“Okay, fair,” he admitted. Then he looked back at Seungcheol, still holding his hand. “But I don't want you to gooooo”

“Jeonghan...”

“Please stay for me?”

He should have stayed.

He knew that.

If Jeonghan had asked him on any other night, Seungcheol probably would have found a way to stay. 

But tonight was different.

He was already barely holding himself together.

He had spent the entire performance remembering 18 year old Jeonghan and falling for 28 year old Jeonghan at the exact same time. Then Jeonghan had walked over, looked at him with those bright eyes, and asked him how he had done…and now Jeonghan was holding his hand.

Seungcheol could feel his own heartbeat in his ears. 

He wasn't calm anymore, he wasn't composed. He was feeling that restless horrible urge to just pull Jeonghan closer and forget about everything else for one selfish second. 

That scared him.

So he gently squeezed Jeonghan's hand instead.

“I really am sorry,” he said quietly. “I wouldn't leave if I didn't have to.”

Jeonghan pouted. “You always have to be responsible. It's annoying.”

“I know.”

“You're supposed to be having fun tonight.”

“I was.”

“Then stay.”

Seungcheol looked at him.

Jeonghan's fingers were still wrapped around his hand. He was pouting so hard now that Seungcheol could tell he really didn't want him to leave.

Seungcheol nearly gave in.

God, he nearly did.

“I'll try to come back” he said.

“Really?”

“I promise. I'll try.”

“Try properly.”

Seungcheol laughed softly. “I'll try properly.”

Jeonghan still didn't let go. “You better.”

“I will.”

There was another small silence between them, and Seungcheol looked down at their joined hands before slowly meeting Jeonghan's eyes again.

“I'll see you later.” he pulled away and ran out of the house.

Jeonghan walked straight over to Joshua. 

The second he saw the fresh tin of beer in his hand, he grabbed it, cracked it open, and started chugging.

Joshua’s eyes went wide. “Woah woah, slow down, rockstar.”

Jeonghan just pouted at him and kept drinking until half of it was gone.

Joshua tilted his head. “What happened?”

“I don’t think Seungcheol’s interested in me.”

“Are you crazy? Did you not see the way he was looking at you while you were performing?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “That’s… that’s just how everyone used to look at me. It doesn’t matter.”

Joshua frowned. “He came all the way here for you. You’re special to him.”

Jeonghan shook his head. The words felt heavy in his chest. “He’ll go anywhere for anyone. I’m not special. He treats all of his friends and me the same. I’m just a friend to him, Shua. I… I was really gonna ask him out on a date tonight… but…he just left before that.”

“why are you acting like he rejected you?”

“He didn't reject me.” Jeonghan stared at the floor for a few seconds. “That's the problem. He didn't do anything. He hasn't done anything wrong. He's just been nice to me, and I think I've been turning every little thing into something it isn't because I want it to mean something.”

Joshua opened his mouth, but Jeonghan shook his head before he could say anything.

“He's a sweet guy. I shouldn't mistake that for him being interested in me. If he wanted me like that, I'd probably know by now.” He took another sip. “So maybe I should just stop trying so hard. I'm just going to have fun tonight and forget about it. Maybe I'll find someone else to flirt with.”

Joshua looked at him for a long second, then patted his shoulder.

“Fine. We'll find someone hot.”

Jeonghan glanced at him. “Really?”

“Really. You're wearing leather pants and silver stars. Somebody here is going to lose their mind over you.”

That made Jeonghan smile despite himself.

Joshua hooked an arm around his shoulders and started steering him back toward the crowd. “Come on. We're not wasting the rest of the night”

Jeonghan let himself be pulled along, trying to convince himself that this was exactly what he wanted.

He would forget about Seungcheol.

He would stop thinking about the way Seungcheol had called him the brightest star in the room.

He would stop thinking about how badly he had wanted Seungcheol to stay.

He would have fun.

That was all.

And maybe, if he was lucky, he could get through the rest of the night without checking the door every few minutes to see if Seungcheol had come back.

~

An hour later Seungcheol walked back into the house party with Seokmin trailing behind him.

“What even is this place, I wanna go home,” Seokmin muttered.

“God, shut up.”

“Excuse me?” Seokmin scoffed. “You should thank me for calling you to come rescue me. You would have done something stupid if you stayed with Jeonghan. You said it yourself.”

“Yeah…” Seungcheol rubbed the back of his neck. He felt a little more composed now. The drive had helped a little.

“I don’t understand,” Seokmin said. “Why don’t you just ask him to date you? It’s very obvious he likes you.”

“What if things go so damn horribly if we date? I’ll lose whatever good thing we have going on right now.”

Seungcheol looked toward the crowd again, already distracted by the possibility of spotting silver star clips somewhere among all the moving heads. 

“Good thing?” Seokmin scoffed. “You told me an hour ago that you almost had a heart attack because he looked at you while playing guitar.”

“Shut up.”

“I wanna go home.”

“Me too,” Seungcheol said. “I’m just gonna talk with Jeonghan for a little while, then I’ll take you home.”

“Noooo,” Seokmin whined. “What am I gonna do in the meantime? I don’t know anyone here.”

“Well… Joshua’s here but I don’t want you to even go near him.”

Seokmin gasped. “Why?”

“Because you’ll do something stupid. You’ll sleep with him, probably disappear afterward like you do with all your one-night stands, and then you two will fight about something. Joshua will hate you, Jeonghan will get dragged into it, and somehow my friendship with Jeonghan will become collateral damage. Then Jeonghan will make me choose between you and him, and you already know I’m choosing Jeonghan. So for the love of god if you want to continue to be my friend don’t even speak to Joshua.”

“Ugh.” Seokmin groaned. “A man can’t even have fun!”

“It’s for my love life, please.”

“What love life?” Seokmin snickered.

“You little—”

Then the DJ changed the song.

“Oh my god!” Seokmin gripped Seungcheol’s arm. “It’s that song!”

“What song?”

“All the Things She Said! It’s that Heated Rivalry version.”

“I never watched that show.”

Seokmin groaned again. “Why don’t you ever watch anything I suggest? It’s like you’re so—”

Seungcheol turned Seokmin’s head to the side. “Look, there’s Soonyoung and Mingyu. You know them right? Go hang out with them while I go talk to Jeonghan.”

Seokmin nodded. “I know them but there is no way I’m talking to those guys.”

“Why not?”

“They'd bully me.”

“They're not going to bully you.”

“You do realize they were two of the most popular guys in school, right?”

“They were?”

Seokmin stared at him. “Of course you only noticed Jeonghan.”

Seungcheol said nothing.

Seokmin rolled his eyes. “Mingyu was on the soccer team. He was basically the reason they kept winning trophies, and Soonyoung was the dance team leader. Do you have any idea how many competitions that guy won? Those guys have like a 1000 trophies to their name, while you and me did nothing in high school except study.”

“Well you got laid. You slept with someone who was way out of your league. So take that as a win. Go talk to those guys. I’ll be back soon.”

“Fineeee.”

Seokmin took two steps toward them, then stopped so abruptly Seungcheol almost walked into him.

“Oh my God.” seokmin gasped.

“What?”

“Are they dating?”

Seungcheol followed his gaze.

Soonyoung and Mingyu were kissing.

Not casually, either. They were completely absorbed in it, laughing between kisses like they had forgotten anyone else was in the room. Soonyoung had one hand resting at Mingyu’s collar while Mingyu held the back of his neck, pulling him closer whenever they broke apart. It was messy and playful and clearly fueled by far too much alcohol.

“Pretty hot to be making out to this song” Seokmin murmured.

“An hour ago they were calling each other bro.”

“People are complicated.”

Seungcheol barely heard him.

Something had caught his attention in the middle of the room.

There was a circle forming around something, people moving aside and looking inward. He couldn't see properly from where he stood, so he caught Seokmin by the wrist and pulled him along.

“Hey, where are we going?”

“Come on.”

They pushed through a few people and stepped closer.

Seungcheol 's stomach dropped.

Jeonghan was dancing with Joshua.

Except it wasn’t really dancing. They were facing each other, bodies pressed closer, Joshua’s hands shoved deep in the back pockets of Jeonghan’s leather pants, pulling him in with every roll of his hips. 

Jeonghan’s head tipped back, mouth slightly open, and Joshua squeezed hard. 

A few people in the circle actually cheered.

“Holy fuck,” Seokmin muttered beside him. “I'd love to be in between them.”

“Shut up, Seokmin.”

Seungcheol couldn't take his eyes off Jeonghan.

It wasn’t that he wanted to be the one touching Jeonghan like that. He didn’t. He was more careful than that…more respectful. 

But watching Joshua’s hands on him, watching Jeonghan let it happen, made his stomach burn. Every second of it felt wrong in a way he couldn’t explain without sounding possessive, which he had no right to be.

Then Jeonghan’s eyes landed on him. 

He just kept looking at Seungcheol while Joshua’s hands stayed exactly where they were.

There was something strange in the way Jeonghan looked at him now. Something uncertain….almost guilty.

What pissed Seungcheol off most was that Jeonghan still didn't move away from Joshua.

“Go do something” he muttered.

“Me?” Seokmin squeaked. “Get in between them?”

Seungcheol just glared.

Seokmin sighed. “What happened to ‘don’t even go near Joshua’?”

“Go. Please.”

“Time to embarrass myself,” Seokmin muttered, and pushed through the circle.

He tapped Joshua’s shoulder.

“Fuck off” Joshua said without looking.

“I’d actually like to fuck you instead.”

Jeonghan gasped at the audacity.

Joshua slowly turned.

For a second he looked ready to punch whoever had interrupted him. Then he saw Seokmin's face.

“Oh, God. It's you !”

Seokmin grinned. “You remember me?”

“How could I forget?”

“Pretty sure you forgot me the day after we lost our virginity—”

Joshua grabbed him by the collar and kissed him.

The crowd whistled and cheered.

Jeonghan immediately turned around, waving his hands at everyone. “Shhh! Stop watching! Perverts!”

People laughed and slowly scattered, losing interest

Jeonghan walked toward Seungcheol.

He stopped in front of him, looking slightly unsteady on his feet.

“You're actually back?”

Seungcheol looked at him. “I said I'd come back, didn't I?”

Jeonghan nodded, rubbing his forehead. “I’m really drunk.”

“I can see that.”

Jeonghan looked down, suddenly shy. “About the dancing with Joshua... that was... um... don't misunderstand. I wasn't... I mean, I didn't...”

“Why are you explaining it to me?” Seungcheol asked quietly. “I don't care. He's your friend. You're single. You can do whatever you want.”

Jeonghan nodded too quickly. “Yes. Exactly ! fuck yeah ! I can do whatever I want ! It's not like I have a mutual crush on anyone anyway. It's just a one-sided crush. So there's nothing wrong with dancing with my best friend.” 

Seungcheol bit the inside of his cheek hard and looked away.

Jeonghan swayed.

Seungcheol glanced at him again. “I only came back for you. You’re busy, so I should just go home. I have to drop Seok—”

“Brooo!” Seokmin appeared beside them. “I'm going upstairs with Joshua ! Don't wait for me. I'll find my own way home.”

 Seokmin winked.

“What the hell? Hey, you can't just—”

“Come on, nerd.” Joshua had already grabbed Seokmin's hand and was pulling him toward the stairs.

Seungcheol watched them disappear.

“Such a terrible idea” he muttered.

“At least they're having fun” Jeonghan said quietly.

“What?”

“I wanted to have fun with you! You left me, Cheollie!” Jeonghan’s eyes were shiny now.

His eyes had actual tears. He looked so fucking cute it was unfair.

Seungcheol grabbed his wrist and started walking. “Come on. Let’s get you some water.”

“I don’t want water.”

“Non-negotiable.”

“I said I don’t wannnnaaaaaa”

Seungcheol didn’t let go. He dragged him all the way to the drinks table, grabbed a cold bottle of water, and held it out.

“No.” Jeonghan turned his face away.

Seungcheol twisted the cap open. “Drink.”

“Nooooo.”

“Jeonghan. Please. Just drink some first.”

Jeonghan snatched the bottle, glared at him, and drank while staring straight into his eyes the entire time.

Seungcheol was honestly having such a terrible time.

~

Seokmin was honestly having such an amazing time.

The moment Joshua shut the bedroom door, he pinned Seokmin against the door and kissed him with the same kind of reckless confidence he seemed to have carried around all night. 

When Joshua started kissing aggressively needy, Seokmin laughed and turned them around and pinned him against the door instead and dragged his mouth down to his neck.

Joshua hissed, fingers digging into Seokmin’s biceps. “Oh fuck… you’ve got muscles.”

“Of course I do,” Seokmin murmured. “You thought I’d be the same after ten years?”

Joshua laughed and reached down and cupped his dick through his jeans. “Did you get bigger everywhere too?”

Seokmin smirked and bit down on the side of his neck. “Get on your knees and find out.”

Joshua gasped. “You’ve changed… you’re so…”

“So?” Seokmin pulled back and smirked.

“Confident.”

“That turn you on?”

Joshua bit his lip and nodded.

Seokmin kissed him hard again, one hand squeezing his waist, the other sliding under his shirt. They stayed like that for a while, mouths moving, breathing into each other, completely lost in it.

Then Joshua gently pushed his chest. “Are you still a nerd?”

“Huh?”

“Do you have a nerdy job?”

“Why does it matter?”

“It matters. Tell me what it is.”

Seokmin raised an eyebrow. “I’m a biomedical engineer.”

“What do you even do? explain it.”

Seokmin laughed. “Why?”

“Because I want to know.”

Seokmin sighed dramatically, but he was smiling. “I work with medical devices. Things used in diagnosis and treatment, sometimes prosthetics, sometimes equipments like MRI scans. It depends on the project. I mostly work on designing and testing systems and making sure they’re actually safe enough to be used around patients.” 

Joshua groaned. “You really are a nerd.”

“I knew this was a mistake.”

Joshua laughed and kissed him before he could complain any further. “It’s hot.”

Seokmin looked at him. “You think my job is hot?”

“I think you explaining your job like you’re giving me a lecture is hot.”

“That’s incredibly insulting.”

“You like it.”

Seokmin brushed Joshua’s lips with his thumb. “Heard you’re a yoga instructor. That’s turning me on… imagining how flexible and bendy you are.”

Joshua’s voice dropped. “Bend me and find out.”

“Fuck.”

Seokmin kissed him harder, already walking him toward the bed.

~

Downstairs, Jeonghan was still holding the half-empty water bottle, staring at nothing. “I bet Joshua’s enjoying whatever they’re doing”

Seungcheol glanced at him. “Who cares?” 

Jeonghan pouted and looked away.

Seungcheol glanced toward the crowd again before looking back at Jeonghan. “How’d you even end up dancing with Joshua like that? Half the room was watching.”

Jeonghan blinked, brain still a little foggy.

“Oh…that…” he shrugged. “Some people asked us to do our old cheerleading routine. You know, because we used to perform together. Joshua said he remembered some of it, so we started doing it for fun…and then… it kind of escalated? and Joshua started improvising, and I started improvising, and then everyone was making noise, so we just kept going. I think we got carried away.” 

Seungcheol’s jaw clenched. “You know people asked to see that routine so they could sexualize you two, right? That’s exactly what everyone did in high school.”

Jeonghan tilted his head, eyes wide and genuinely confused in the cutest way.

“How’d you know they sexualized it in high school?”

Seungcheol went still.

There it was again. That dangerous little gap between what Jeonghan knew and what Seungcheol knew.

He forced himself to shrug. “Boys talk too much about cheerleaders. Very easy to overhear.”

“I guess that makes sense…” Jeonghan nodded. “But…you know…you also asked me to do my cheerleading routine in the reunion while we were alone.”

Seungcheol’s jaw dropped. “I—I didn’t ask like that—I mean god you know I didn’t ask to sexualize you. I would never do something like that to you Jeonghan !”

“Okay…”

“Okay.”

Seungcheol was still frowning. “Seriously. If I ever made you uncomfortable, you should tell me.”

“You didn’t.” Jeonghan smiled quickly. “I know you didn’t mean anything weird.”

Jeonghan had heard the words. He understood them. He just didn’t know why they made his chest hurt.

Of course Seungcheol hadn’t meant anything by it.

Why would he?

That was the problem, wasn’t it?

Jeonghan had spent weeks collecting tiny moments and turning them over in his head. The way Seungcheol looked at him. The way he remembered things. The way he held his hand.

Every time, Jeonghan thought, maybe.

Maybe Seungcheol liked him.

Maybe there was something there.

And every time he got too close to believing it, something happened that reminded him that Seungcheol was simply a kind person.

A good friend.

Someone who treated the people he cared about well.

That was probably all it was.

Jeonghan swallowed and forced another smile. “You’re really nice, you know?”

Seungcheol looked confused. “What?”

“Nothing.” Jeonghan shook his head. “Just saying.”

He took another sip of water so he wouldn’t have to explain.

Then he said, “i’m gonna go home. I don’t feel well.”

“How are you gonna get home?” Seungcheol asked.

“I’ll figure it out.”

“Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I was about to crash here in the room Joshua’s staying in but they’re probably hooking up in there so it’s better if I get home…maybe take a cab.”

“I’ll drop you.”

“Oh no, that’s not necessary” Jeonghan walked to the door, still clutching the bottle.

Seungcheol followed him. “I insist.”

“No thanks.” 

Jeonghan pushed through the crowd.

“Jeo—”

Jeonghan speed walked and stepped out of the house and walked faster in the street.

“Jeonghan wait” Seungcheol ran after him.

Jeonghan kept walking faster in the wrong direction. Away from Seungcheol’s car, away from the road that leads to Jeonghan’s house.

“Thanks for coming Seungcheol. I know you must be tired from work, and from coming here, and going to pick seokmin, then coming back again, I’m sorry that I even invited you. Just go back home. I won’t ever invite you again for anything and waste your time.”

Seungcheol’s footsteps got closer. “You’re sorry you invited me? Are you serious right now?”

Jeonghan kept walking.

“You won’t invite me again?” Seungcheol’s voice rose a little. “Jeonghan. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know!”

Seungcheol caught up to him, grabbed his arm and turned him around. “No, you do know, tell me where’s all of this coming from?”

Jeonghan stumbled a little when he turned. “I told you…I don’t know.”

“You were fine five minutes ago.”

“I was not fine five minutes ago.”

“You were smiling.”

“I can smile while I’m not fine.”

“You’re also walking in the opposite direction from your house.”

Jeonghan glanced behind himself, then looked back at him. “Oh.”

Seungcheol almost smiled at how cute he was. “Come here”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“I’m not asking you to go anywhere. I’m asking you to stand still for five seconds.”

Jeonghan frowned at him, but stayed where he was. 

Seungcheol carefully fixed the crooked star clip near his temple. His fingers brushed through Jeonghan’s hair, and Jeonghan went quiet immediately.

Seungcheol noticed.

He also noticed how Jeonghan’s eyes followed his hand cutely.

When Seungcheol finally pulled away, Jeonghan blinked at him, still watching his fingers like he was waiting for them to come back. 

“Why…why do you keep taking care of me?”

“Because I like to do it.”

Jeonghan looked down at the pavement. “See?”

“See what?”

“You say things like that.”

“What things?”

“Things that make me think…”

He stopped.

Seungcheol waited.

Jeonghan rubbed his thumb against the side of his water bottle. “Never mind.”

“No. Finish what you were saying.”

“I forgot.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“You’re lying.”

“Ugh !” Jeonghan turned around and started walking faster. “Fuck off ! I don’t wanna talk to you anymore”

Seungcheol grabbed his hand and turned him back around. “Don’t swear at me.”

Jeonghan’s shoulders dropped. “…Sorry” he mumbled, looking down at their hands.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Jeonghan stared at the ground for a few seconds. His lower lip pushed out slightly before he finally murmured, “I really wanted you to stay tonight.”

“I came back.”

“I know.”

“You were already dancing when I got back. I thought you were having fun.”

“I was.”

“Then why are you upset with me?”

“I’m not upset with you.”

“You are.”

Jeonghan sighed and rubbed his face, messing up his hair even more. “I just thought tonight would be different.” 

Seungcheol stepped a little closer. “Different how?”

Jeonghan stared at him for a long second. His eyes were shiny. Then he forced a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“I don’t know.”

Seungcheol wanted to ask. He wanted to keep asking until Jeonghan finally told him.

Instead, he said softly, “You don’t have to figure everything out tonight.”

Jeonghan rubbed his eyes again. “I... I feel so weird, Seungcheol.”

“Like you’re gonna throw up? We can go back inside and—”

“No… not like that.” His voice wobbled. “Just… emotionally. Everything feels too big.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I… I really liked today…I've been feeling irrelevant for so many years. I don't know. I used to be good at things. People used to notice me….and then I got older and everything changed, and I started thinking maybe I wasn't actually that good in the first place. But today... I got to dress up…and people thought I looked pretty. They complimented me.”

“You did look pretty.” 

Jeonghan looked up from the ground.

Seungcheol cleared his throat and gently pulled the fallen sleeve back onto Jeonghan’s shoulder. It slipped straight down again. 

“That’s the style,” Jeonghan mumbled, rubbing one eye with the back of his hand.

Seungcheol sighed. “Why is that a style?”

“I don’t know! It’s Shua’s shirt ! I like it ! Stop judging !”

“sorry.” Seungcheol’s voice stayed gentle. “Keep talking. I’m listening.”

“A lot of people said I was pretty,” he continued. “And then I played guitar and I actually did really well. I was so happy. People kept coming up to me and telling me I was good and awesome and all that stuff. It felt really nice….I know it sounds shallow to care that much about people complimenting me, but I used to live off that kind of validation when I was younger. So getting it back for one night...it felt really good….but I don’t understand why I still feel sad and frustrated and like I’m about to cry.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Jeonghan scoffed. “I don't know! That’s the problem ! I don’t know !”

He looked away.

“I can’t even blame you because you didn’t do anything wrong. You were nice to me. You’re always nice to me. You came here even though you were tired. You left because Seokmin needed you, and then you came back because you said you would. You took care of me when I drank too much. you...you’re just a really good friend….but it just makes me feel so sad…and so damn frustrated and STUPID !! I don't even know what I’m trying to say. I just...I wanna cry.” 

His eyes filled with tears and got so round and glassy and so unfairly cute that Seungcheol’s heart clenched.

“Jeonghan-ah.” Seungcheol lifted both hands and gently cupped Jeonghan’s cheeks. His thumbs brushed beneath his eyes, wiping away the tears before they could fall. 

Jeonghan’s eyes got wider and he leaned into the touch without seeming to realize he was doing it.

“Please…” he whispered.

“Please what?”

“Please don’t be nice to me.”

Seungcheol frowned. “What?”

“I’m so stupid.” Jeonghan’s voice trembled. “I’ll mistake it for something more. I know I will. I know you look at me like a friend, and I keep reading too much into it and—”

“I don’t look at you like you’re just my friend.” 

Jeonghan’s eyebrows squished together. “Huh?”

“I’m sorry if it looks like I treat you and all my friends the same. I was just trying to maintain a healthy boundary without making you uncomfortable and let you move at your own pace.”

“Huh?”

Seungcheol could feel his own heart pounding.

“I’m sorry if it seemed like I treat you the same way I treat everyone else,” he tried explaining more clearly. “I was trying to give you space. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I wanted you to decide what you were comfortable with.”

Jeonghan just kept staring at him, lips slightly parted, brain clearly moving very slowly.

Seungcheol’s voice dropped. “Can I take you home?”

Jeonghan nodded

Seungcheol interlocked their fingers and led him toward the car. 

Jeonghan followed without pulling away, eyes stuck on their joined hands the entire walk like he couldn’t believe they were still touching.

Seungcheol opened the passenger door, helped him in, buckled the seatbelt carefully.

“Comfortable?”

Jeonghan nodded.

Seungcheol closed the door, walked around to the driver’s side, and got in.

The entire drive was quiet.

Jeonghan kept fighting sleep, his head slowly falling forward before he would suddenly wake himself up and blink at the road.

After the third time, Seungcheol reached over at a red light and carefully guided his head toward the window.

“Just sleep,” he murmured. “I’ll drive slowly.”

Jeonghan made a small sound of protest.

A few seconds later, instead of leaning against the window, Jeonghan shifted toward Seungcheol and let his head fall against his arm.

Seungcheol went completely still. 

The car was automatic. He didn’t need that hand. So he left it exactly where it was, letting Jeonghan sleep against him while his own heart refused to calm down.

I actually told him I don't look at him like a friend. Why did I do that? I saw like two unshed tears and completely folded.

But then Jeonghan shifted in his sleep, pressing his cheek a little more comfortably against Seungcheol’s arm. 

Oh god

He drove the rest of the way like that.

When they reached Jeonghan’s apartment, Seungcheol woke him gently.

“Jeonghan-ah…we’re home.”

Jeonghan blinked a couple of times and got out of the car.

Seungcheol walked him all the way up. 

Inside the apartment Jeonghan kicked off his shoes and socks in a clumsy little pile and shuffled toward the bedroom.

Seungcheol followed.

Jeonghan sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed both eyes with his fists like a tired kid.

“Are you feeling dizzy?” Seungcheol asked.

Jeonghan nodded.

“Nauseous?”

“A little…”

Seungcheol sighed. “Why did you even drink that much? I get that people drink because they want to have fun or feel good or whatever, but once you drink this much, it does the complete opposite. You feel sick, you get dizzy, you can barely walk properly. So why even drink that much?” 

“Do you hate people who drink?”

“What? No.”

“You sound like you hate it.”

“I don't hate it. I’d advise people not to drink because it’s harmful, especially when they drink enough to make themselves sick. But I can’t really control what people choose to do.”

Jeonghan pouted. “You hate me.” 

“What?”

“You hate me because I drank.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You do.”

“I really don’t.”

Jeonghan looked at him suspiciously, his cheeks still pink and his eyes heavy with sleep. “Then why are you scolding me?”

“I’m not scolding you. I’m worried about you.”

“That sounds like scolding.”

“It’s not.”

Jeonghan huffed and lifted both hands and scratched his hair. 

Seungcheol gently caught his wrists and lowered them. “Can I take your clips out?”

“Yes please…” Jeonghan mumbled.

He leaned forward without another thought, and Seungcheol barely had time to react before Jeonghan rested his forehead against his stomach.

Seungcheol froze.

For a second, he simply looked down at him.

He didn't move him away.

Instead, he carefully reached into Jeonghan’s hair and began removing the little silver star clips one by one. He took his time, making sure he didn't pull his hair.

There were more than he expected.

“How many of these did you put in?” he murmured.

Jeonghan made a sleepy sound against his stomach.

“I like stars.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

Seungcheol smiled faintly. He removed the last clip and ran his fingers gently through Jeonghan’s hair, smoothing it back from his forehead. 

Jeonghan nuzzled closer, his cheek pressing more comfortably against Seungcheol’s stomach. 

Seungcheol's hand stayed in his hair. He stroked it slowly, almost without thinking.

For a few quiet seconds, everything was still.

Then Seungcheol felt his shirt grow warm and damp.

He frowned and gently placed a hand beneath his chin and lifted his face.

Jeonghan's eyes were wet.

Seungcheol’s heart dropped. “Why are you crying?”

Jeonghan’s lower lip trembled. “You don’t even see me as a friend.”

“What?”

“You told me.” Jeonghan's lower lip pushed out as another tear slipped down his cheek. “You told me you don't see me as a friend. I finally processed it.” 

Seungcheol's eyebrows pulled together.

Jeonghan continued before he could interrupt.

“I thought you were treating me too nicely when we're just friends, but then you told me you don't even see me as a friend, so what am I?” His voice became smaller. “Some acquaintance you pity?”

“Jeonghan...”

“Or maybe you see me like a brother.” His face crumpled slightly. “God, why don't you even see me as a friend? What did I even do?”

Seungcheol closed his eyes for a second.

Of all the things he had imagined Jeonghan might take from that conversation, this had never occurred to him.

He opened his eyes and gently wiped Jeonghan’s cheek with his thumb.

“Seungcheol…this isn’t okay…my heart’s breaking…you…you don’t even see me as a friend…are you closing this chapter with me? Are we done being friends? Please please don’t end this friendship because i’m an idiot. You’re the favorite chapter of my life.”

Seungcheol took a shaky breath. “Jeonghan, I didn't say I don't see you as a friend.”

“You did.”

“I said I don't see you just as a friend.”

Jeonghan blinked up at him, confused and tear-streaked. “Huh?”

“You’re so drunk. Let’s talk about this tomorrow when your head is clearer.”

Jeonghan’s face scrunched up. “Tell me now.”

Seungcheol looked at him for a moment, then finally gave in. “I see you as more than a friend.”

Jeonghan went very still.

Seungcheol’s heart started pounding. He could see the words slowly reaching him, one piece at a time.

“More...” Jeonghan repeated softly.

“Yes.”

“More than a friend?”

“Yes.”

Jeonghan stared at him. Then his eyes became wider. “Oh.”

Seungcheol almost laughed, but he was too nervous. 

“Please just sleep. We'll talk about this tomorrow when you're sober. I promise.”

Jeonghan continued staring at him. 

Then, very slowly, he nodded. “Okay…”

He leaned back onto the bed and looked at Seungcheol for another few seconds.

“My pants feel really tight,” he mumbled. “I wanna take them off.”

“Okay. Do that after I leave.” Seungcheol took a step back, then glanced at the nightstand. “Is that water fresh or has it been sitting here for days?”

“It’s from this morning…”

“Alright. If you wake up in the night, drink some. Slowly.”

“Okay…”

“Do you have anything for headpain?”

Jeonghan pointed weakly at the drawer. “In there. It already hurts.”

Seungcheol opened the drawer, checked the bottle. 

“Don’t take these while you’re still drunk. Wait until morning. For now just sleep. It should feel better once you rest.”

“Okay, Doc…” Jeonghan’s voice was already fading. He pulled the blanket up to his chin, wriggled under it, and a second later he threw his  leather pants on the floor.

Seungcheol immediately looked away,  blushing.

“Okay” he muttered. “I'm going now.”

“Mm” Jeonghan turned onto his side, hugged the pillow. “Thanks for everything tonight.”

Then within seconds, he fell asleep.

Seungcheol stood there for a moment, watching him breathe.

“So trusting,” he murmured.

He turned back toward the nightstand to put the medication away properly.

That was when he noticed it. a small baby pink Post-it note stack tucked inside the drawer, with a pen lying beside it.

He hesitated, then pulled one free and wrote a short message.

He placed the note next to the water bottle where Jeonghan would see it first thing, turned off the light, and quietly left the room.

Outside the apartment he waited until he heard the automatic lock click. Then he took a deep breath and walked away.

~

The next morning, Jeonghan woke up with a headache so brutal that he lay completely still for several seconds.

He was never drinking that much again.

After a long, painfully hot shower, he got dressed for work and stood in front of the mirror for a while, trying to decide whether he looked like a normal human being or someone who had been hit by a truck.

Definitely the second one.

His head was still throbbing.

He walked over to the nightstand and opened the drawer, remembering Seungcheol’s instructions from the night before. He found the medication, took one with a few sips of water

That was when he saw the pink Post-it.

He picked it up along with the pen beside it.

I think we’ve finished this chapter… do you want to start the next one with me?

His jaw dropped.

He knew that sentence. He knew it so well that he could practically hear Seungcheol saying it.

At the reunion, when Jeonghan had asked him about the little doodles and speech bubbles he used to draw, Seungcheol had said exactly like that. Jeonghan had thought it was ridiculously cute. He had even told him so.

And Seungcheol remembered?

He had remembered that tiny conversation?

He read the note properly because his brain couldn’t understand if this was a joke.

‘I think we've finished this chapter... do you want to start the next one with me?’

Would you like to go on a date with me?

YES                        NO 

What the fuck is this cute little shit? Is this really a joke? 

Wait is this my own handwriting?

Jeonghan squinted at the note. “No.” 

Last night came back in pieces. Seungcheol in his room. His own head resting against Seungcheol’s stomach…the tears..the part where he accused Seungcheol of not even seeing him as a friend…begging him not the close the chapter…and Seungcheol saying he saw him as more than a friend.

God was it a dream or real life?

But still….even if it was real…even if Seungcheol miraculously wanted to ask him out on a date…even if he left a cute note….was Seungcheol a coward? Why didn’t he do it in person?

Then his doorbell rang.

He ignored it while his hand shook while holding the pen.

The doorbell rang over and over again.

He groaned and walked over to the door and opened it.

His jaw dropped when he saw seungcheol standing there in his formal work clothes, breathing hard.

“Hey cheol? What’s wrong?”

“Your elevator’s not working”

“You climbed 10 floors !?”

“Yeah yeah” Seungcheol walked past him. “I uh…I left something behind, thought I'd grab it before I head to work.”

“Oh what did you—”

“I can look for it” Seungcheol walked into the bedroom.

He walked straight to the table and stopped when he saw the empty spot on the nightstand.

Jeonghan leaned against the bedroom doorframe, holding the paper between two fingers.

“You mean this?”

Seungcheol slowly turned around. His face was already red. 

“c-can I have it back? It’s stupid.”

“You regret it?” Jeonghan waved the paper. “I was the drunk one. Why’d you do something stupid sober? Was this a joke? You were trying to make fun of me?”

“Jeonghan I…” Seungcheol walked closer. “Just give it bac—”

“No!” Jeonghan shoved the note into his back pocket.

“Jeonghan” Seungcheol stepped even closer, reaching for him.

Jeonghan pointed the pen at him like a sword. “Is this really a joke? You didn’t mean to ask me out on a date”

Seungcheol looked down at the floor. “I meant to ask you”

“Oh…”

“But…” Seungcheol looked up. “I don’t know, I thought it was cute to leave a message but then I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt so damn stupid about it. So I waited till morning and you still didn’t contact me or anything. I thought… maybe you didn’t see it, maybe I’d just take away the paper and ask properly like an adult instead of like some child in school.”

“Oh…”

“So please just give it back, I feel so embarrassed. I wanna throw it away”

“No”

“Jeonghan please” Seungcheol looked at his watch. “I’m so terribly late for work too.”

“I’m late too. You’re wasting my time.”

“I’m wasting your time?” Seungcheol asked. “You’re the one not giving back the paper”

“It’s my house property. I’m not giving it back.”

“Jeonghan I—” 

“Do you want to go on a date with me, Choi Seungcheol?”

Seungcheol stopped moving.

“I’m asking you as a sober person” Jeonghan said. “I’ve been falling for you ever since we met at the reunion. At first, it was just attraction. I thought you were handsome and I wanted to know you, but the more we talked, the more I started liking you for who you are. I like how kind you are, how patient you are, how you make people feel safe without even trying. I think you’re someone I could trust completely, someone I could fall in love with with my whole heart…..and I think you’d be a really good partner, not just because you’d be good to me, but because you’re the kind of person who makes me want to become a better version of myself too. I don’t know where this will go, and maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but I know I’d regret it for a very long time if I let myself be scared and walked away when I finally have the chance to be with someone I really like. I’m a little scared you’re out of my league, and I know you could probably find someone better than me, but if you’re willing to give me a chance, I promise I’ll try my best to make you the happiest man in the world.”

Seungcheol stared at him feeling completely overwhelmed.

“I—” He pressed a hand against his chest and let out a shaky breath. “God…”

Jeonghan stepped closer. “Just be honest with me, okay? I can take it.”

Seungcheol looked down for a moment, trying to gather himself. His heart was beating so hard that he could feel it in his throat.

“Jeonghan…the truth is…”

Jeonghan waited.

“The truth is…” Seungcheol rubbed his palms against his pants before finally looking at him again. “...you make me the happiest man in the world, Jeonghan. I don't know if you understand that. Whenever I'm with you, I feel... happy…just so genuinely happy.”

Jeonghan smiled.

Seungcheol smiled too. “I’m not out of your league. Not even close. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen…but that's honestly the least interesting thing about you. There's so much more to you than that. I love listening to you talk, even when you jump from one subject to another and forget what you were saying halfway through.” 

Jeonghan gave him a tiny offended look, but he was smiling.

“Jeonghan…I really, really want to take you out on a date…so please say yes.”

For a second, Jeonghan just looked at him.

Then he slowly reached into his back pocket and pulled out the pink paper.

Seungcheol reached for it.

“No touching.” Jeonghan turned it around.

Seungcheol looked down. There was a large checkmark beside yes and a tiny heart had been drawn next to it.

“wh—when did you fill that in?”

Jeonghan smiled, suddenly looking a little shy. “Before I even opened the door.”

Seungcheol stared at him. Then he laughed softly, shaking his head as he pulled Jeonghan into a hug.

“I’ll treat you well hannie….always.”

Jeonghan’s heart fluttered at the nickname.

“I’ll treat you well too.” he patted his back. “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk…and I’m sorry you had to see me dancing with Shua like that. I would’ve hated seeing someone touch you the same way.”

Seungcheol pulled back “I was jealous. But we were only friends then and you were just having fun with a much closer friend.”

Jeonghan tilted his head. “And we're not friends now?”

“We’re still friends. We’re also… dating. Those two things can exist at the same time.” Seungcheol squeezed his hands gently. “I don't want us to lose the friendship part just because we're together. I actually think that's important. We don't have to rush anything. We can go on dates, figure each other out, slowly build the relationship, and still be the people who can talk about stupid things and complain to each other and just... be comfortable.”

Jeonghan nodded. “I want that too.”

Seungcheol smiled. “Then I'll plan our first date.”

“Are you sure? If it's too much work, I can plan it. I don't mind.” Jeonghan looked down at their hands. “I'm used to doing it. I planned all of the dates in my last relationship. Even when I was on some talking stages, I was usually the one making the plans.”

“You don't have to be the one doing everything this time.”

Jeonghan looked at him.

Seungchol stroked his hand. “I'll make the effort, Han. I don't care how busy work gets. I'll find the time. I don't want this to feel one-sided for you. I want you to know I'm here because I want to be.”

Jeonghan smiled. “I'll put in effort too. I'll take care of you.”

They stood there for another second, still holding on.

“I should go,” Seungcheol said finally. “I’m really late.”

“Me too. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

Seungcheol let go, stepped back, and almost walked into the doorframe on his way out. 

He ran down the stairs.

Jeonghan stood there feeling overwhelmingly happy.

Seungcheol ran down the stairs feeling overwhelmingly nervous.

For Jeonghan…he just got a date with someone who he developed a crush on less than 3 months ago.

While for Seungcheol…he just got a date with someone who he developed a crush on like 13 years ago….

3 years of quietly loving him had ended with graduation and the belief that he would never see him again. Then 10 years had passed, and Seungcheol had convinced himself it was over.

Then Jeonghan had walked back into that reunion.

And somehow, after all those years, Seungcheol had been given the one thing he had never allowed himself to expect.

A chance.

As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he slowed down and took a deep breath, trying to calm the nervous pounding in his chest.

Having Jeonghan now was almost more frightening than losing him had been.

He just hoped he could do this right.

How Not To Be a Friend:

1.Go to your ten-year reunion and pretend you don’t know the guy you spent three years having a massive, deeply embarrassing crush on. Maintain a straight face while your heart is doing absolutely nothing normal.

2.Spend the next week absolutely not waiting for him to text you. Then lose every remaining brain cell when he finally shows up at your clinic with a tiny pocket-sized version of himself. 

3.Somehow get him to text you and then develop a completely unreasonable attachment to the way he texts. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

4.Start calling your dates “hangouts” because admitting they’re dates would require courage, and unfortunately, neither of you has any. 

5.Survive every single “hangout” while the universe personally dedicates itself to keeping you apart. Movie theatre sprinklers? Sure. Restaurant gas leak? Obviously. A dog stealing sandwich? Why not. A mini tornado? At this point, fine. Power outage? Of course. Apparently even God is tired of watching you two refuse to call something a date. 

6.Invite him home, make him brownies, watch him happily eat them in your kitchen, and then fall asleep on him because apparently being around your crush has finally drained your body of all available energy. Wake up to a cute note he left for you and put it in your wallet and cherish it forever.

7.Give him brownie mix because you are apparently incapable of saying, “I like you,” like a normal person. Receive one warm hug in return. Completely malfunction. Forget to hug him back. Replay the moment approximately 400 times the entire day. 

8.Go to his house to pick him up for another completely platonic “hangout.” Immediately realize that nothing about the evening feels platonic anymore. Take him to a ridiculously nice restaurant with candlelight, watch him smile across the table, and spend the entire dinner trying very hard not to propose. 

9.Drop him home afterward. Fix his stupid broken door because you apparently can’t just be a normal man who goes home after a date. End up standing ridiculously close to him .Consider kissing him. Consider passing out. Consider doing both. Then go home and feel terrible because you’re hiding the truth about high school and  know you’re falling harder every day and he still thinks you’re just being a really committed friend. 

10.Spend an entire day raising someone else’s baby together and not only fall deeper in love with him but also fall asleep with him in your arms.

11.Go to a party. Watch him play guitar and fall in love with him all over again, as if you haven’t already done that approximately 1700 times.

12.Watch him dance with someone else and discover that jealousy is a truly humiliating emotion. Let him get upset with you. Try to defend yourself. Fail miserably. Fold even faster when he looks hurt and finally admit the one thing you’ve been trying not to say: I don’t see you as just a friend. 

13.Take him home and, instead of doing the sensible thing and telling him the truth to his face, do the most stupid, cheesiest, most embarrassingly romantic thing imaginable. Leave him a note. Use the same words you used to doodle in the margins of your notebooks ten years ago when you were secretly thinking about him and never imagined he’d ever find out. 

14.Go home and experience the full consequences of your terrible decision. Panic so violently that you rush to his house first thing in the morning to steal the note back. Discover that he already has it. Discover that he absolutely refuses to give it back. Panic harder. Ask him out and try not to cry when he says yes.

15.Realize you have spent all this time terrified that he would never want you back, only to discover that being wanted by him is somehow even more terrifying.

Because now you actually have him.

And, apparently, that is where the real panic begins.

Congratulations. You have successfully failed at being his friend.