Chapter Text
His feelings were slowly…changing.
Different, somehow. Derek knew that they were different. Different in the way that a caterpillar was different from a butterfly, growing from a tiny little thing to something beautiful and vibrant—spreading its wings to see everything and anything the world had to offer. When he was around Avery, he found his mood improving drastically, as though just his presence was enough to make the world better, brighter, more bearable. When Avery laughed, the whole world seemed to sing, every nightingale and star and blossoming rose. When Avery smiled, Derek felt like he’d do anything in the world just to see it again, just to see those lips quirk upward in amusement or delight. When Avery cried…well, Derek wanted to hold him, to caress his hair and hold him tenderly in his arms.
What was this? What were these feelings?
The feelings that burst in his chest…they were so beautiful, vivid with colors and fondness and affection. Derek felt it whenever he was around Avery. Like right now, when Avery had visited him again. Avery had made it a regular thing to cook for Derek, bringing different ingredients to cook whatever recipe he found online and wanted to try. Each and every time they were delicious, and Derek would devour his portion and ask for seconds, to which Avery would laugh and give him more food. Today, Avery had cooked chicken fried rice, and it was delicious, the copious amounts of garlic—that Derek was skeptical of initially—really made it amazing.
Avery was talking about some ice cream parlor in the park that he liked going to, gushing about their orange sherbet and pistachio gelato, he had brought it up when Derek lamented that they didn’t have dessert. He looked so excited talking about it, a wide smile on his face and his eyes sparkling, and those adorable dimples on his face. Derek’s infinite knowledge felt…calmer around Avery, as though he were a safe welcoming cottage in a dense dark forest. But replacing the infinite knowledge was a bright vivid burst of fondness and affection and something else that even knowledge of everything in the world couldn’t help to give him a name. It was odd, a pleasant odd, not an unpleasant one.
“…Yeah! I remember you saying you like chocolate, you’d love their chocolate sundae.” Avery finished.
“I’d love to try it.” Derek said. “Too bad they don’t do delivery.”
“You should try going out sometime, Derek.” Avery said, taking a sip of his sprite.
“…Maybe someday.” Derek said, and then he sighed. “Looking at something too quickly still makes my head hurt.”
“Well, you can’t spend the rest of your life inside.”
“I know, I know.”
“I’ll be there! Y’know, to help you, help you get through it.”
“…Thank you, I appreciate it.” Derek said, and then he added. “I don’t know why you’re still…here, though.”
Avery raised a brow. “Because we’re friends? I care about you, you know.”
…Friends?
Yeah, he guessed they were friends.
And something about that made him…happy.
Happier than he should’ve been.
“…Yeah.” Derek smiled. “We’re friends.”
Avery smiled back.
Goddammit, that smile, that smile. It made Derek’s heart flutter, his face go red, his chest blooming with beautifully vivid blossoms. His dimples were so adorable, and right now all Derek could think about was how cute Avery looked when he smiled and laughed and grinned and snickered. The world made sense around Avery, the world felt brighter around Avery, the world seemed bearable around Avery. Like there was a reason to keep getting up, no matter how hard life kept pushing him down. As long as Avery was with him, Derek knew he’d be fine. If Avery was by his side, giving him a smile and cooking for him and telling him how smart he was, Derek knew he could take on anything the world or universe would throw at him.
But why?
Why? Why does being around Avery make me feel this way?
Why does Avery make me so…happy?
Because you’re in love.
You’re in love with Avery.
…What?
This was…love?
That would make…sense, actually.
Derek was around him often, spending time with him and getting to know him. Avery refused to leave his side, stayed with him no matter what, helped him with anything he needed, cooked meals for him and kept him company when he felt lonely. He could’ve just left, Derek knew. And yet he stubbornly stayed with Derek through it all, even though it would’ve been so easy to just check if he was okay and leave and forget all about him. No, that was the exact opposite of what Avery did. He kept coming back, even though Derek was confused why he would—and then his infinite knowledge would (un)helpfully tell him it was because Avery cared about him.
Derek cared about him, of course he did. He wouldn’t have gone through all of that hassle with the gates and almost dying for him if he didn’t.
(He was also saving the world, but that was neither here nor there.)
But…Derek felt this “care” was slowly blossoming into something more. Deeper and richer, carefully growing with both of their tender care. Why wouldn’t he fall in love with him? Avery was stubborn, determined to do things his way and stay by the side of someone he cared about, no matter what. Avery was smart, even when he kept calling himself dumb, and it drove Derek absolutely mad—made him want to shake the damn guy and tell him how amazing he was. Avery was kind, in a naïve way, but that naiveté was so rare and somehow beautiful. And the more that Derek knew about him, whether he found out organically or through infinite knowledge, the more those feelings bloomed into a bright red rose in a sea of brambles of knowledge of everything in the world.
You love him.
You love Avery.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
I think I…love Avery.
“Derek? Are you okay?” Avery said, a little confused. “You’ve gone red.”
Say that you thought about an embarrassing middle school experience. He’ll believe you.
“Um, just got reminded of an embarrassing middle school thing, when you said…” Derek trailed off, going redder.
“Oh, okay!” Avery nodded, not seeming that bothered. “Well, yeah! If you ever get used to going outside, we should go for ice cream. My friend really likes their cotton candy ice cream…”
Love, what a human thing. Even with infinite knowledge of everything in the world, Derek still fell in love with Avery without realizing until now. That was so human that it was almost cliché.
What Derek was going to do with this love, he didn’t know. Did anyone ever know what to do with love?
Maybe just feeling it…would be enough right now.
And whatever would happen next…well, he’d just have to deal with it.
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Avery had somehow convinced him.
Outside, just the thought of outside made Derek sick. From the little that Derek saw of the outside, from peeking out of his blinds when he was curious or the slivers he saw when Avery visited and he had to open the door for him, it was still an absolute nightmare. The onslaught of information was unbearable, like waves crashing into him and drowning him and never relenting. He knew he had to go outside at some point, he couldn’t stay in his apartment for the rest of his life, but he wasn’t ready, he didn’t know when he’d be ready, or if he’d ever be ready in the first place. Comfort zones were called comfort zones for a reason, weren’t they? They were comfortable, they were safe, they weren’t new.
But Avery insisted, he insisted that Derek try to go outside of his apartment every now and again. “This is no way to live, Derek!” he kept telling him. It was naïve, to think that Derek could ever return to a normal life after everything that happened. And that naiveté was as admirable as it was frustrating. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to go outside, by now he’d become intimately familiar with every inch of his apartment, and he hated it. But an eldritch god literally dissolved in his mind, leaving him with knowledge of everything and anything in the world, how was he supposed to have a normal life after that? But Avery kept hoping, and it should irritate Derek—and it did—but when he looked at him with determination in his eyes, Derek almost believed him.
Almost.
Avery had come by his place, and Derek was…apprehensively optimistic. Maybe he could handle it, even though the rational part of his brain screamed at him that he wasn’t. Avery had an idea, presenting a piece of cloth to Derek with a grin, insisting that it would work. A blindfold, so that he would take Derek to a more secluded and less busy place to slowly acclimate him. Derek knew it wouldn’t work, why would it? But he was damn near convinced by Avery’s determination, so he caved, letting Avery blindfold him and walk him to the park. A weekday afternoon, Avery told him, so there wouldn’t be many people to overwhelm him. Derek trusted Avery, knew he wouldn’t lead him to a secluded forested area to murder him, and even if he didn’t trust Avery his infinite knowledge would tell him where he was.
Even with a blindfold, Derek knew where they were going and passing through, though with his vision blocked the information that rattled in his brain was…manageable. Like background noise, lowly buzzing in his ear and being irritating at most. Derek knew that once he took off the blindfold it’d be a different story, but he was hoping, even if hope was such a stupid and foolish thing to feel in the face of knowledge of everything in the world. Derek knew when they passed by whatever café or restaurant or bistro, when they crossed the street, and he even knew the gossip that he overheard from a group of freshmen in college that they passed by. When they arrived at the park, Derek took a deep breath, telling Avery he was ready to see the outside world, even if he wasn’t sure if he was.
Avery took off the blindfold, and Derek saw it.
Everything.
Grass is green because of the presence of chlorophyll throughout its leaves and stem, which is used in the process of photosynthesis. Chlorophyll, which is a pigment, allow plants to capture energy from the sun to power the process of photosynthesis…
His name is Oliver Thompson, he is a college student at GreenKnight University, currently majoring in creative writing. Her name is Marianna James, she works in a café, though she is currently trying to find a job to teach at the local high school. His name is Alaric Wainwright, he works as an accountant and loves basketball…
Chai-ce Cream is a shop that sells various flavors of milk tea and ice cream, having been opened by a Thai couple who immigrated to America 30 years ago. The flavors include chai, matcha, strawberry, chocolate, ube, salted caramel…
Oak is a part of the genus Quercus of the beech family, and is a hardwood tree. Its leaves are spirally arranged with lobed edges, and its nuts are called acorns. The around 500 species of oak are widely distributed in the Northern Hemisphere…
It’s going to rain later. Rain is a part of the water cycle, encompassing the precipitation process of the water cycle. When the evaporated water from the ocean forms into clouds, and when the water in the clouds gets too heavy, water returns to the earth and oceans in either water or snow…
Fuck, fuck. FUCK! He can’t handle this!
Derek screamed, holding his head and collapsing on the floor. It was too much, too much too much too fucking much! Avery quickly went to his side, and what happened next was a blur, he didn’t know if seconds or minutes or hours or days or weeks or even years had passed. One moment he was curled up in a ball on the ground, trying to ignore the way information burst in his head, the next he saw Avery’s blue eyes peering at him in worry. It was familiar, this place was familiar. That was good, right? The pile of clothes, the kitchen, the bed that was so soft and warm…he knew this place, but how? Where was he? And why did he feel so…safe here?
“Where…am I…?” Derek croaked out.
“Your apartment. I carried you back…” Avery looked concerned as he asked. “Are you okay? You just started screaming and collapsed in the middle of the park.”
“I’m…I’m fine…” Derek murmured, holding his head. It still hurt. “Ow, ow, bad idea…”
“Derek, I’m…” Avery reached out to comfort Derek, hesitated, and then he sighed. “I’m sorry, I just thought you were…”
“I obviously wasn’t ready.” Derek snapped. “Why the hell did I let you convince me? This was a stupid idea.”
“I thought you were! You’ve been doing so well in your apartment, I thought…”
“Well, you thought wrong.”
“God, sorry that I don’t know everything!” Avery said.
“Yeah, you don’t! And that’s a good fucking thing!” Derek replied.
“And I know that! I want to help you have a normal life!”
“Oh, yeah! As if having infinite knowledge of everything in the world could ever make my life normal!”
“I’m just trying to help you, Derek!”
“Well, maybe I never wanted your help in the first place!”
“Really, huh?” Avery frowned. “So you want to stay in your apartment alone and miserable for the rest of your life?”
“Of course not!”
“Then what the hell do you want? What do you want me to do? Just tell me! Dammit, Derek. I just want to help you!”
Avery is hurt.
Avery just wants to help you.
Avery would do anything for you.
Avery is confused.
Avery doesn’t know what you want him to do.
Avery-
“OKAY! I get it! Just SHUT UP!”
Avery looked hurt, staring at Derek with wide eyes. His expression then hardened, and he frowned. “Fine, I know what you want now.”
“No, Avery, that was my infinite knowl-” Derek tried.
When Avery slammed the door, the whole room fell into a suffocating silence. Nothing and nobody but Derek and the lingering whispers of their argument just a few minutes ago. Derek had craved silence for the months that he’d dealt with his infinite knowledge, but now, he’d rather have it rattling off about useless nonsense than the tense silence that trapped him within these walls. The hope that Derek and Avery had earlier had boiled away, replaced by a flood of doubt and anger, red hot and scalding every fiber of Derek’s being. It was Avery’s fault, he fucking knew it. It wasn’t like Derek didn’t appreciate it or anything. Why would he think that?
Avery just wants you to be happy.
Ugh, he knew that!
Derek collapsed on the bed, sighing and looking up at his ceiling. But as he closed his eyes, the images of Avery’s hurt face couldn’t leave his mind, buzzing around like a fly that refused to leave.
He sighed, groaning as he rubbed his forehead.
This is his damn fault. He should’ve known I was ready.
I just wish…I could tell him that I appreciate him hoping I was.
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Derek hadn’t seen Avery for days.
He knew how many days had passed since he saw Avery, 12 days and 2 hours and 47 minutes, and yet it seemed like centuries. Avery didn’t come over to help him out, or to bring him food, or to cook for him. Sometimes when Derek would wake up, wonder when Avery would come by his apartment, but then his infinite knowledge would (un)helpfully tell him that Avery wasn’t coming to his apartment today. He was mad at Derek, and Derek was mad at him back, so why would they see each other? But sometimes Derek was stupid enough to hope that his infinite knowledge was wrong, that Avery would barge in crying about how much he missed him, and they’d kiss and make up, like in those soap operas that his mother adored.
But that’d never happened, why would it? Life wasn’t a romance novel or movie or some stupid fanfic written by a bored girl in-between school.
Despite that, Derek was doing…okay. Thankfully, over the months that Derek had to deal with infinite knowledge of everything in the world, he’d learnt to cope with it, don’t look away from anything too quickly, ignore the useless information that rattled off in his brain—paying attention made it worse, and just try to live about his day. He could do his laundry and clean his apartment, do his coding gigs, cook for himself and wash the dishes. This was fine, he could live like this. Ever since he moved out of his mom’s house, he’d been living alone, just him and the friends he chatted with online and his mother who he texted when he felt especially lonely.
But…it wasn’t the same without him.
Avery always brightened up any room he was in, with his smile and laugh and those bright blue eyes that seemed to shine so beautifully in the sunshine. Derek had friends of course, friends he chatted with on Discord and Facebook Messenger, but Avery was…different. Despite it all, Avery stayed by his side, from when they met in Minecraft in the library to when they were in the King in Yellow’s domain, and even now when Avery could’ve easily just checked if he was still alive for his own conscience and then leave him and move on with his life. He was naïve to think that Derek was ready, but…he cared enough to be naïve for him, and that must’ve counted for something, right?
It was raining, the soft pitter-patter of rain against the window creating a soft ambience in the quiet apartment. The rain was always so relaxing, Derek could sit back and read a book or lock in with a coding gig or play whatever video game caught his interest at the moment. Derek had made himself a cup of hot chocolate, ignoring when the detailed history of chocolate played in his head like an unskippable advertisement on YouTube. It was perfect weather to read a book and get lost in some mystical fantastical world. He sat down on the bed and looked at the stack of books on his nightstand that he’d been reading. He’d reread all of them at least three times, one of them he’d even had since he was a kid, he must’ve read that one a thousand times by now—32 times, his infinite knowledge helpfully supplied for him.
Derek picked up a book that caught his interest, the one that Avery had given him, thumbing at the rough leather of the cover. Looking at the cover, every word in the book played in his head all at once. He liked to read the book, though he didn’t know why, he had read it at least three times now, and he already knew what was inside the moment his eyes landed on the cover. But…Avery had given it to him, a gift. Just holding it in his hands made him feel closer to him, as though they weren’t mad at each other and everything was fine and that Avery would visit him later with a tupperware of food that he’d cooked for him. But hoping was dumb, wasn’t it? It was as human as it was stupid.
And he was stupid too, because he still hoped, hoped that Avery would walk through that door and they’d cry and kiss and make up.
Where is Avery right now…
He’s walking to his favorite café, since his class ended early.
Ah, there he was.
Derek sighed, his eyes fluttering closed as images of Avery walking down the sidewalk, holding an umbrella in his hands to shield himself from the rain. Avery, he hadn’t seen Avery in a while. No smiling face or yapping about campus drama or food that tasted like the most delicious thing in the entire world. Derek wasn’t stupid, he knew that he missed Avery. He’d been staying inside the whole 12 days that he hadn’t seen him, chatting with his friends and mother online—the only contact he had to the outside world. He should be used to this, this was his life before Avery. But why did he not like it? Why did he yearn to see Avery’s smile, hear his laugh, see his eyes sparkle?
He misses you.
He’s still angry at you, but he misses you.
…He did?
Yes, he does.
He misses you.
More than anything.
But…why?
Because he cares about you.
Derek…cared about him too.
He cared about Avery more than anything, from the moment that infinite knowledge first crashed into him when he saw what was behind the golden gates, and even now when they weren’t even talking to each other. When Derek was writing that letter to Avery, knowing that he was going to die, his thoughts were just hope for Avery, that he didn’t think he failed him, that he’d forget all about Derek, as long as it made him happy. And when he survived despite it all, he selfishly hoped that Avery would stay by his side after everything was said and done. And he did, Avery stayed, when it was so easy to just leave him after knowing he survived. Without Avery, Derek would’ve gone insane a long time ago.
But would…Avery even want to see him?
Yes.
He wants to see you.
He wants to see you and hug you and tell you that he cares about you.
Derek wanted to see him too, see him and hug him and tell him he loved him and kiss his stupid face.
Then go.
Go to him.
Go to him, that was all that mattered to Derek. Even when he had books to read and hot chocolate to drink, even when it rained and he’d probably get soaked, even when just going outside made information of everything in the world painfully burst in his head. Avery, he needed to find Avery, tell him that he loved him more than anything else in the world.
Derek ran out of his apartment, locked the door after him, and looked out into the vast rainy world. And though just looking outside made his head hurt, he ran.
He ran.
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Left, go left.
Derek ran left.
It was raining, he was soaked. He was running through the rain like a possessed man, and he knew that he looked ridiculous, but he didn’t care. The rain that descended and soaked him was as relentless as the useless information that bombarded his brain about anything and everything in the world. But while it’d usually leave Derek overwhelmed and screaming on the floor at how much it hurt, it didn’t matter to him right now. All that mattered to him was Avery, finding Avery, telling him just how much everything he’d ever done for him meant to him. They said things they regretted to each other, and so what? They cared about each other, loved each other, and wasn’t that what mattered at the end of the day?
Through all of the useless chattering in his mind, countless voices naming and explaining everything under and above the sun, one thought rang clear in his mind, the only one he was listening to. Where Avery was, where to find him. Turned out, having knowledge of everything in the world could actually be useful instead of just debilitating. Who knew?
Go right.
Then left.
Straight ahead.
Turn left.
Right.
Derek followed the directions that his infinite knowledge helpfully—and it was actually helpful this time—told him, not even bothering to apologize when he bumped into someone, nor caring when they cursed at him or yelled at him calling him a maniac. He was a maniac, he was insane, so what? He needed to find Avery no matter what, to tell him everything he kept inside his head and never told him, just so he knew just how much Derek cared about him, missed him, loved him. Yes, Derek loved him. He was a maniac running through the sidewalk in the rain just as much as he was a man in yearning and desperate love.
And then Derek saw him, walking with an umbrella in one hand and a plastic bag of food in the other.
Avery.
“AVERY!”
Derek ran towards him, Avery, who turned around to see just who the hell was yelling at him. His eyes widened when he saw it was Derek. And god, Derek had never seen anything more beautiful. Avery, who stood out in the crowd, who looked so beautiful in the rainy cityscape, who Derek loved most of all. Their argument didn’t matter anymore, none of it mattered, not when he finally saw him after almost two weeks of being apart. The world seemed so much brighter with him, more bearable, as though life could throw anything at the two of them and they’d be fine, as long as they had each other.
Because I love him.
Because I love Avery.
“D-Derek?!” Avery looked surprised to see him. “What are you doing here? You can’t go out- ACK!”
Derek threw his arms around Avery in a hug, who felt so warm enveloped in his arms.
“What are you doing?” Avery asked.
“I’m hugging you, you moron.” Derek said, though his tone was tinged with affection.
Avery laughed softly. “You’re the moron. You’re soaking me, you know.”
“Ah, sorry.” Derek let go of Avery, and when he saw his smiling face, all of the regret and anger melted away like sugar in warm water. “Avery, I…appreciate everything you do for me. I…probably don’t say it enough.”
“Oh, Derek.” Avery’s gaze softened. “I don’t care if you thank me or not, I just care that you’re happy.”
Derek smiled. “I’m happy as long as I’m with you.”
Avery smiled back, and it was the most beautiful thing that Derek had ever seen.
He loves you.
He loves you more than anything else in the world.
Before Derek could process that bombshell, Avery leaned over and captured his lips in a kiss. Derek was surprised at first, but then he melted into the kiss. It was as soft as the pitter-patter of the rain against the canopy of his umbrella, gentle and tender and loving. Derek could stay in his embrace forever and be just fine with it, want it even. Avery tasted like caramel coffee and butter croissants, a sweet taste that was as warm as it was comforting. The two separated from the kiss, and Derek was sure his face was just as red as Avery’s. When Avery realized what had just happened, his eyes widened and he looked immediately apologetic.
“O-Oh my god! I am so sorry, Derek! I thought we were having a moment-”
Derek grabbed Avery’s collar and leaned in for a kiss, sighing in content at the feeling of his soft lips on his. It was softer, quicker this time. He leaned back and almost laughed when he saw Avery’s red face.
“Moron.” Derek said softly, smiling. “Since you don’t know everything, let me just tell you: I love you, you dork.”
Avery grinned. “Oh, Derek! I love you too!” He then added. “All this time, I thought you didn’t want to see me.”
“…I thought the same, too.” Derek admitted.
“What? Ugh, we’re idiots!” Avery said, and then he softly laughed. “Whatever, at least we’re here now! And let me walk you back home, you are soaking.”
Derek smiled. “That’d be nice.”
Avery took Derek’s hand and the two of them walked back to Derek’s apartment. And in his presence, Derek felt like he could take on the world.
As long as he had Avery by his side, Derek knew he could handle whatever life threw at him.
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As insane as it sounded, Derek and Avery were together.
Days after Derek ran in the rain to find Avery, they went on their first date. Outside, though in a more secluded and less frequented restaurant, just so Derek wouldn’t be too overwhelmed with all of the information rattling off in his brain. Though after that day when Derek ran after Avery, he’d been getting better at going outside, the sight of the sun and sky and the city no longer made him feel like screaming and collapsing, it was almost…bearable. He could go to cafés and buy coffee, go to the park to soak in the sun, he even went to the mall once, though he went on a weekday afternoon so there weren’t too many people to overwhelm him. But it still counted for something, right?
And Derek had Avery to thank for that, who was patient and supportive as ever. Dating him had been bliss so far, imperfect bliss, but bliss nonetheless. No relationship was perfect, and sometimes they said things that they regretted, but at the end of the day they’d talk, make it up, and know through it all that they still loved each other. If Derek could have anyone to face the world alongside with, he’d immediately choose Avery. Just the two of them against life and the world and whatever it threw at them. Derek knew he’d be just fine if he had Avery by his side.
The two were in Derek’s apartment, watching a movie that he already knew the plot of the moment Avery had told him the title. Not like the plot was that complex, the classic hero’s journey that seemed to be used over and over again—the literary history of which his infinite knowledge helpfully told him about. He was just glad to spend time with Avery honestly, even if he wasn’t paying attention and was just reading a book. Avery seemed invested in the movie, surprised at the obvious plot twists.
Avery must’ve noticed that Derek wasn’t paying attention though, because he asked. “You not gonna watch the movie?”
“I already know what happens.” Derek replied.
“Of course you do.” Avery said, and then he added with a soft laugh. “I don’t know how you live with it.”
“Eh, I dunno either.” Derek said, and he gave Avery a smile. “But I’ll deal with it, I mean, I have you.”
“You sappy dork.” Avery said, laughing again.
Derek smiled at the sight of Avery, who looked so adorable as he laughed. When he first played Minecraft on his laptop and found everything that was in his world, or when he saw what was behind those gates and got bombarded by knowledge of everything in the world, or when was writing that letter knowing he’d die, he never would’ve thought his life would end up like this.
But he wasn’t mad, why would he? He had someone he loved by his side.
Turned out, there were pros to the cons of infinite knowledge.
Who knew?
And if having infinite knowledge meant he would be with Avery…well, he’d willingly deal with it in a heartbeat.
Derek smiled and leaned in, capturing Avery’s lips in a kiss. And just then he knew he wouldn’t want his life any other way.