Chapter Text
Pomni dropped onto her bed and lay limp against the duvet. Her body sunk into the sheets, face buried deep in the pillow. Between two fingers, she pinched the sheets and fiddled with them, gripped them harshly in one gloved hand, before slowly releasing them. A shaky sigh juddered out of her mouth, and she tilted her head so it was on its side. Her vision shifted from the colourful circus colours of her bedroom, something she planned to speak with Caine about changing, to an empty, black space as her eyelids drooped shut.
‘I already said that I’m fine!’ Pomni winced at the memory, brows furrowing. She hadn’t meant to snap at Ragatha, she knew that her friend was only concerned. That was one of the things she loved about her, her caring personality, but hearing another voice along with all the thoughts screaming in her mind had shattered what little composure she had left at that moment. Her mouth crinkled into a cringe at the memory of Ragatha’s hurt face. Pomni didn’t even want to address how Ragatha just nodding and looking away made her feel, she could feel her guts twisting with guilt already.
And Pomni had just walked away, skulked off to her bedroom and hid.
Just like she used to.
Pomni took a sharp breath and gripped at her bedsheets with both hands. She focused entirely on her body, tensing every muscle before relaxing them. A familiar sensation spread through her body, a tingly, warm rush through each of her limbs. Recently, her and the rest of the humans had been working on improving their conjuring skills. Kinger was already decent at it, and so had taken it upon himself to coach everyone to perfect their own abilities. Pomni had perfected conjuring simple objects, but had wanted to try something new, something more impressive. She wanted to conjure changes to her model. With some directions from Kinger and some practice, she had mostly figured it out. She had learnt to either shrink or enlarge herself on whim. Her ability wasn’t perfect by any means, and she’d often grow instead of shrink or sometimes couldn’t manage either. Overall, it still needed a lot of work and practice.
Pomni had discovered that shrinking herself to a tiny size was soothing to her. She liked being able to hide when she was upset, and found great comfort in resting in a bed that was colossal compared to her. She felt protected and like she was being held, as though her giant blankets and pillows and plushes could conceal her from all of the emotions swarming her like a nest of wasps.
The tingly rush continued, it wasn’t painful, but was certainly unsettling. The warmth felt like she still had blood in her digital model, and that it was as hot as it was red and pumping faster than supposed to. Sensations Kinger had promised would be lesser each transformation but were disconcerting nonetheless.
The blanket enlarged beneath her shrinking form. She peeked her eyes open and caught sight of her pillow, it seemed to be growing taller and wider by the second. She continued to shrink until after a few more seconds, she was no bigger than a shrew. Two inches was a little smaller than intended, but she didn’t care. She didn’t plan on having anyone see her like this anyway.
The shrunken jester burrowed herself under the duvet, plunging into a familiar, comforting world of darkness. To anyone else, she was so miniscule it would’ve seemed like she simply disappeared. Pomni shuffled onto her side and lay completely still. Her eyes were open, but her eyelids drooped.
She tucked her knees to her chest as her brewing headache began to worsen. She clasped her hands over the top of her head and winced hard.
‘Ugh…’
She hadn’t felt right all day, or for most of the week for that matter. Ever since the shock of it all, Jax abstracting, Caine’s return, had worn off, she’d felt different. First had come finding it nearly impossible to fall asleep, and when she did manage, she would wake up before she could get any proper rest. Then had come the nausea and stomachaches that plauged her every time she ate. Then had come the headaches. The painful, egging, persistent aches that never seemed to rest, or let her rest. But most distressing of all, she never truly stopped thinking about her. During the day, at night in bed, whenever and wherever, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. The girl who was no longer with them. The girl who hadn’t made it through it all with the rest of them, Jax. Or perhaps she call her something else now she knew about all that had happened?
Pomni rolled onto her other side.
But what would she want to be called?
She exhaled slowly and shakily.
It’s not like I can ask her.
Not any more.
Pomni’s eyes slowly drifted shut, but behind them didn’t lie peace. Behind her eyelids, it was like she was there again, the shooting adventure they’d both enjoyed so clear in front of her. Then appeared Jax’s torn face as she rejected Pomni’s attempt at reaching out. Then, the abstraction she was forced to hide from and sneak around lest she be smashed into the ground.
And escaping to her room to ease these flashbacks had proved fruitless. She had hoped the darkness and silence would ease her mind from both the persisting memories and headaches, but to no avail.
After all, she’d skulked off to her room, just like she used to do.
She’d snapped at Ragatha, just like she used to snap at others.
Just like Jax used to.
Pomni grabbed at the duvet and dug her face into it. She inhaled as much as she could with the covering.
I could’ve pried a little harder.
There it was again, the thought that had latched to her, dug its claws in skin and refused to let go. Pomni inhaled again, sharper this time.
Why…
A sharp exhale.
Why did I let her walk away?
Pomni curled up tighter, her legs tucked close and arms wrapped around her torso.
What if I’d pried just a little bit harder?
Then she saw that day behind her eyelids. The day Caine was seemingly deleted. Jax was at her breaking point, she’d crept around the circus like a nervous cat, glaring at anyone who tried to get close.
Until she’d finally approached someone. She’d approached Pomni with that look, seemed like she was finally going to ask for help, but walked away with a small “Never mind”.
And I did nothing
Pomni went completely stiff. Her eyes opened wide and seemingly locked into place, and within them, was a blank stare. However, opening her eyes wouldn't be blocking her out.
Then came back her face. That look of defeat as Jax walked away. The moment Pomni felt she should’ve reached out, should’ve pried again, pulled her back to the group by her ears if she had to, should’ve done something-
Pomni’s hands twitched. Nausea began to bubble up inside her.
She could still be here.
But now she never can be. Because of me.
The jester began to shake, a stinging becoming apparent in her eyes as the edges filled up with tears.
If only I knew that would be my last chance.
Pomni whimpered as the tears rolled down her cheeks and her trembling turned to shaking. Nothing was going to wash her out. She was etched into her mind and she felt she’d never be able to let go of the guilt that made her stomach churn.
She thought back to Jax shoving her after she tried to hug her, and their following argument.
‘People are not pleasant to be around before they abstract, like at all!’
How had I not seen the signs? It had been so clear.
‘There’s nothing more to me, so please, stop looking’
And she had stopped looking. She’d left her be.
Pomni’s breath caught in her throat and she flinched violently. Quick, panicked sounds filled the room as she began to hyperventilate.
If I had pried one more time.
She grunted, rolling over and shaking her head.
I could’ve saved her.
Her legs thrashed against the sheets. She gritted her teeth to try and prevent hyperventilating, but her chest only heaved faster to take in more air.
Why did I let her go? Why didn’t I pull her back?
It’s my fault, her life was in my hands.
Pomni jolted upright as a stabbing pain sliced through her abdomen. Her eyes widened in horror at the sight before them. A glitch. A black, jagged glitch was wriggling, based on her stomach. It was only the size of her hand, but was already spreading. She scooted backwards, using her feet to push herself about as the pain spread to her chest. She inhaled sharply as the glitches crawled up her body, spreading like a crack in a window. She continued to kick and thrash with both her arms and legs against the sheets. Maybe if she found Caine, maybe he could help before it was too la-
Pomni cried out in panic and fell on her back as she was struck by another stab of pain, this time in her chest. The glitches wormed their way up to her face. As she tried to scream, no noise came out as they quickly smothered the bottom half of her face, merging with it and replacing her model faster and faster by the second. Another kick of her leg, but slower this time, weaker, as if moving through gel. Her vision started to contort, black circles growing in the corners. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head frantically, but her kicks against the sheets slowed to mere shifts of her feet. She couldn’t feel her hands any more, let alone move them.
Her body felt heavy and droopy, like it was was melting. The pain dulled to an ache, and then subsided. She attempted to thrash, but it was if her body was sinking through mud. Her eyelids refused to open, perhaps they had disappeared, engulfed entirely by the glitches. Pomni found the muscles she could still feel involuntarily relaxing. Something about the whole experience made her feel strangely sleepy. She couldn’t have fought back even if she had wanted to. Her tiny body drooped fully onto the bed, and she felt ready to merge with it. Through her glitching, drooping eyelids, she could see moving black objects all over her body, the glitches no doubt. The sight was the last she saw as the black circles filled in her entire vision. As her eyes drifted shut, she couldn’t muster the energy to open them once again. The nausea faded, and her headache finally laid to rest. And suddenly, she wasn’t in any pain any more. Strangely, she didn’t want to fight back any more. After all, since when had she been able to fall asleep so easily?
Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe she’d finally be at peace, in some sort of way.
There was a muffled noise, like being at the bottom of a pool and hearing noises from the surface.
It came again, slightly louder this time.
‘Pomni!’
Was that…her name?
‘POMNI!’
One thing, two things, both pressing into her. One on her front, one on her back. Pomni’s eyes flew open as she snapped back to reality. The dark circles began to melt away, and the sight of something huge filled her vision instantly. Pomni looked around rapidly, frantically feeling at whatever had grabbed her. Looking up, she saw her best friend. And panicked she was.
‘Pomni? Are you awake?’
Ragatha’s booming voice caused the tiny jester to flinch violently and let out a yelp.
‘Y-you’re still with me! I’m not too late, am I?!’ Ragatha panted, tears starting to run down her face.
Pomni looked down at what was trapping her. It was two fingers, two giant, plush fingers holding her securely in their grasp. And all over Pomni’s lower body, huge, clawing black glitches wriggled and flinched. They had eased off her head and arms since she’d been snapped back, but were horrifying nonetheless.
Had she…almost abstracted? Had she really given in?
‘W-wh-’
Pomni pushed against Ragatha’s fingers as hard as she could, gritting her teeth and starting to hyperventilate again. Her glitching mess of legs dangled from her friend’s hold, far from the solid surface of the bed below.
‘No, no, please don’t panic! It’s okay, you’re okay!’
Pomni yelped again and thrashed around. The glitches weren’t becoming any less painful, and while slower than before, were spreading further up her body. She felt the two fingers release her body as she was eased onto a the plush surface of Ragatha’s palm. She curled up tight, tiny arms wrapping around her torso.
If it wasn’t for Ragatha, she’d be-
She flinched and sniffled, laying down on her side. Her head was tilted away from her lower body, refusing to look at what was left of it.
She’d almost abstracted. She was still abstracting.
‘What-what do I do?’
Ragatha gently brushed a fingertip across Pomni’s head. She flinched away from the touch, crying out and curling up tighter.
‘I-I won’t hurt you, it’s me, Ragatha!’
The glitches began to calm a little. Their movements started to become less aggressive. Pomni whimpered and remained curled up, her body shaking. A huge teardrop fell onto Ragatha’s hand beside her.
‘I-I don’t know how to save you, but I don’t want to lose you.’ She sniffled.
Pomni uncurled a little and glanced down at her body. The sight made her gulp. While the glitches weren’t spreading, they weren’t retreating either. She planted her hands on the plush hand below and pushed herself up a little. With all the strength she had left, she dragged herself to the base of Ragatha’s thumb and clung onto it as hard as she could. The hand trembled beneath her, and another of Ragatha’s teardrops fell down next to her.
The glitches felt like daggers slicing into her lower body. Ragatha’s hand tensed as Pomni yelped and wrapped both tiny arms around her thumb. The shrunken woman buried her face into the fabric of her thumb, and Ragatha could feel her Pomni’s face becoming wetter with tears.
Ragatha lifted her hands, slowly and steadily, closer to herself.
‘It’s okay, it’s-it’s okay, Pomni.’ She was trying her best to sound reassuring, but her voice shook with every word.
Using her free hand, she lowered one fingertip just above the top of her friend’s head. When she didn’t flinch away, she gently dragged it across the top of her head.
‘There…see? I won’t hurt you.’
Ragatha inhaled shakily.
The glitches suddenly intensified for a moment, looking even more jagged than before. Pomni cried out again and her legs thrashed.
‘I know, I know.’ Ragatha’s voice broke as Pomni whimpered and looked up at her with those big, frightened eyes.
It wasn’t noticeable at first, but piece by piece, the glitches began to correct themselves. Across her lower stomach, they slowly but surely began to dissipate
Her finger stroked across Pomni’s head as delicately as she could manage. ‘It’s okay, it’s okay.’ Her finger moved to drag along her back. ‘I-I know it hurts.’
Ragatha’s voice dropped to be incredibly soft, almost a whisper.
‘You’re going to be okay.
The glitches were easing off further, and a minute later were only up to her thighs and hands.
‘You don’t need to be afraid any more, I promise.’
Pomni shuddered and gripped to her Ragatha’s thumb a little tighter. Using her free hand, Ragatha used the pad of her thumb to press against her friend’s stomach, where she rubbed small, gentle circles.
‘You’ll be alright now.’ Ragatha forced herself to take a deep breath.
‘The glitches…there’s…there’s less of them than when I found you. Y-you were…covered.’ Ragatha sniffled and wiped away her tears with her free hand. ‘I thought that…I thought that I’d lost you.’
The glitches lingered around her calves, then her ankles, and then her feet, they glitched violently one last final time before at last, disappearing, leaving Pomni’s model intact, but still shaking like a leaf in the wind. Pomni hiccuped and tears continued to flow freely down her cheeks.
Ragatha let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Her best friend was okay. She was going to be alright. She began to move her hands, bringing them closer to each other. As soon as the hand began to shift, Pomni gripped on tight to her thumb. She looked up at Ragatha, eyebrows furrowed in fear.
‘Easy, easy.’
Her hands met each other. They both tilted to form a cupped shape, and Pomni released her grip and slid right into the centre of them.
‘Does it-does it still hurt at all?’
Pomni shook her head and hugged her knees to her chest.
‘Okay, that’s…that’s good.’
‘Ragatha, I-’
Ragatha blinked twice and leaned down slightly. She controlled her breathing so she wouldn’t exhale too strongly onto the poor girl.
‘I gave in…I-I stopped fighting it, I-’
Pomni wrapped her arms tighter and her breathing began to quicken again.
‘I almost…I almost-’
‘Hey, hey it’s alright now.’
‘No it’s not! I almost abstracted!’
Her breathing quickened into hyperventilating and the tears did nothing but stream faster. The tiny woman let out a small cry and started to pull on her two front hair strands.
‘D-don’t do that, you’re alright now!’ Ragatha’s voice heightened in panic at the sight of Pomni panicking again.
‘Please…’
Two giant thumbs pressed against Pomni’s face. They wiped under her eyes, wiping away her tears. At the same time, they also covered her hair to prevent her from pulling it.
‘But it’s not alright! What if it happens again…a-and nobody is around next time?’ She cried, pushing Ragatha’s fingers away and pulling at her hair strands even harder than before.
Ragatha remained silent for ten seconds. As much as she wanted to snuggle her crying friend into the crook of her neck until she calmed down. she knew better than to overwhelm her.
‘We…we won’t let it happen again. Not when…not when we could lose you.’
Pomni placed her hands down onto the palms beneath her. She lowered herself to lay on her side and curled up into a small, shaky ball. For a few moments, she was completely silent before she continued to cry. She let out small sobs. They were quiet and soft, but heartbreaking for Ragatha to hear nonetheless. She slowly lowered herself to sit on Pomni’s bed and held her hands out in front of her. If she couldn’t soothe her friend immediately, she hoped she could at least find comfort in being safe in her hands. She focused on her own breathing. In out, in, out, and tried her best to ease her trembling.
For about five minutes, they stayed like that. The room fell silent except for Pomni’s rapid breathing and her occasional quiet sobs.
Ragatha took a deep breath and rose her cupped hands closer to her face. A warm breeze brushed past Pomni and ruffled her hair strands. She blinked her eyes open and looked up at Ragatha with those big eyes.
‘Are you sure it doesn’t hurt any more?’ She muttered.
Pomni nodded and started to wipe her eyes with the backs of her hands. The tears were starting to slow now.
‘Good.’ She sighed
Pomni placed her hands palm down on the palms below and pushed. She sat up and looked fully at the woman holding her.
‘Ragatha?’
‘Hm?’
‘…th-thank you.’
Ragatha smiled softly.
‘You don’t need to thank me, I’m just glad you’re okay.’