Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

In the time he had been on Grace’s ship, Simon had done all he could to keep himself from being dead weight. He loathed being useless. Being useless, to him, meant someone would find a use for you. 

Every act of kindness was a debt to be repaid, and being in debt was a dangerous game, for as long as you owed someone, they had something to hold over you. 

Simon was drowning in his debt to Grace, and it was proving increasingly impossible to repay. The rock creature refused to let him touch anything on the ship, which was justified. He had torn the robot arm out of the ceiling, but now, with how adamant Rocky was that he not touch anything, he couldn’t even fix it. 

So, yes, justified, but no less infuriating. 

The alien certainly didn’t like him being anywhere near Grace either, which, Simon reasoned, was also fair. 

If Grace was starlight, then Simon was the quiet rapture, or Grace’s Astrophage.

But even if he wanted to keep distanced from Grace like Rocky urged, it was hardly doable. Not only were they all trapped in a confined space, but Grace tended to seek Simon out, and wouldn’t often leave him alone. Never too close but never too far.

There was an odd sort of tension between the two. Simon being the first human being Grace had seen in years, and Grace being the first person to show Simon any sort of compassion since he was a child. 

Altogether, it made their interactions awkward, all the more reason for Simon to find some way to keep himself busy. So he’d been taking care of the plants, and learning what he could about earth using one of Grace’s computers when he found time to himself. Just trying to make up for his use of resources and the burden of his presence by keeping out of the way. 

But Grace, of course sought him out. Always in the same room, striking up a conversation, or just talking at Simon, not that he minded, surprisingly.

In the past months he’d come to learn a little more about Dr. Ryland Grace. One of his recent discoveries being that Grace had been a middle school science teacher back on earth, and that he’d loved doing it. 

Mulling over these new bits of information was how he chose to occupy his brain while mindlessly tending to the ever growing seedlings. 

Grace was nearby, as he always seemed to be. Sitting at one of the lab tables, he had connected one of his computers to the ship's speaker system, and was using it to play music. Every so often he’d make a comment about the song playing, and he would get some wild response from Rocky, who apparently was having a very different experience listening to earth’s music, as multiple aspects of it lined up with the Eridian language. 

The translator was active, running all of Rocky’s musical notes through another computer and overlaying them with that increasingly familiar robotic tone. Why the translator was on, Simon didn’t know, he had little use knowing both sides of a conversation he wasn’t a part of. 

He let himself focus all his attention on the potted plants, comparing their growth rate to the notes he had taken on that specific plant’s typical growth pattern in normal earth conditions that he’d found in a book hiding in one of the lab cabinets. 

“They look healthy.” 

Simon startled at the new presence over his shoulder, his eyes locking on to Grace’s side profile as the blonde man observed the plants beneath the grow lights. Rubbing a hand at the bags under his eyes, he knocked his glasses askew so they were hanging off his ear. Simon, not for the first time, itched to put them back in place, if not just to eradicate the annoyance, but his hand stayed decisively still, grip tight on the note book he’d commandeered from  Grace’s hoard. 

It was clear that at some point Rocky had left, otherwise the alien would no doubt be making snide remarks and trying to force more space between the two humans. The only time he ever left Grace’s side was to eat, so Simon guessed that the creature was probably hiding out in the dormitory to do just that. 

An agreeable melody still played from the ship’s speakers, and Grace’s head and shoulders swayed along to the melody, like he couldn’t keep them still. 

“What are you listening to?” Simon asked, jerking his head slightly towards the computer, which sat open on the lab table a few feet away playing the music. 

Grace’s face lit up, “Oh! Two of us, it’s by the Beatles. Do you like it?” 

Simon shrugged, he hadn’t really been listening until that moment but he didn’t mind the song. It was a far cry from the hymns he had sung and heard on Eden, but he supposed that was probably a good thing. 

“It’s a song I used to play in my classroom. Quiet work periods get boring without a bit of music,” He said warmly as the song faded out and the next began. 

“Do you miss teaching?” 

“Of course I do!” Grace said without missing a beat. “By now, though, all my kids are grown and probably out there doing great things, like helping get the world back in order.” 

“Why didn’t you go back to earth?” Simon asked abruptly. It was a question that had been weighing on his mind for quite some time. Grace spoke so fondly of earth, so it clearly wasn’t a lack of wanting to return that kept him in space. 

Grace didn’t seem taken aback in the slightest, he just smiled and said simply, “I had to save Rocky.” His smile faltered slightly as he followed his statement with an aside muttered under his breath, “Not like they were up waiting for me to come back anyways.” 

“That’s it?” Simon asked, somewhat baffled. “That is… selfless of you… and stupid.” 

Grace barked out a laugh, it was uneven, like he was trying and failing to hold back the sound, and it was infectious. An imperceptible smile warmed Simon’s own face listening to the bright run of notes as it faded out and Grace caught his breath. 

“Rocky is very important to me. He’s a pain in the neck, but he’s my best friend, you know? And I know I probably sound crazy, saying an alien is my best friend, but it’s true. We’ve been through so much together, I can’t imagine floating through space with anyone else. I can’t bear the thought of letting him get hurt. “ 

A familiar pang of guilt struck Simon in his chest. He’d yet to apologize for shoving Rocky around. Hearing Grace talk about the alien, and wanting to protect him just made Simon feel so much worse about it. 

He excused himself from their conversation under the pretence of being tired. He went to the dormitory with full intentions to sit on a bed and stew in the wretched but familiar feeling of being a bad person, the guilt that came free with being the kind of person who hurts others. 

But when he passed the room's threshold, his path was blocked by a rock in the middle of the room. 

For a creature with no eyes, or face of any kind, Rocky still somehow managed to have a glare that burned. 

Simon opened his mouth to say something, but the translator’s robotic tenor beat him to it. 

“Simon must stop talking to Grace, statement.” 

 “What?” 

“Simon must stop talking to Grace. Simon speaks only nonsense. Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.” 

Despite the robotic voice, the emotion of the statement was not lost on Simon. Rocky’s tone was clipped and angry.

“I didn’t say anything to him,” Simon refuted with a huff. He tried to pass Rocky and get to the bed he had claimed as his own. Rocky, again blocked his way, moving in his ball to pointedly get in his way. 

“What?” Simon spat, exasperated. “What did I say to him that upset you so much?” 

“Simon call Grace stupid.” 

Simon sighed, really? That was what this was about, a noncommittal insult? 

“That’s it? Obviously I don't actually think Grace is anything less than brilliant, I just think that-” Simon tried to reason, but swiftly got interrupted. 

“Simon is right. Grace was dumb to save Rocky. Grace stupid, stupid, stupid. But Grace also brave, and kind. Grace not abandon Rocky in ship. Should have gone home and been happy, but decided to rescue Rocky instead. Rocky grateful, will never be able to repay. Simon must not tell Grace he is stupid, because Grace is only reason Rocky is still alive. Grace say he not regret saving Rocky. Simon must not make Grace regret. So Simon can not talk to Grace or Grace will realize he made wrong decision to save Rocky and Grace will hate Rocky.” When finally the alien finished his anxious monologue he seemed to be in distress. He shifted around frantically in his ball, repeating “Grace will hate Rocky.” Three more times for emphasis. 

Simon stood still, staring at Rocky for a moment before scoffing loudly. 

“Tch, If you heard me call him stupid, then you also had to have heard his speech about how you’re his best friend. I couldn’t make him hate you even if I tried-

“And honestly, how many space monsters does that guy plan to selflessly rescue before he realises it’s a waste of his time and resources.” He grazed his fingers over the teeth protruding from the skin of his cheek.

Simon was certain Grace must be some kind of saint to house something as mangled him. To share his food, clothes, and his knowledge so freely and willingly. 

With a sigh, Simon wordlessly wormed past Rocky to sit on his bed, head in his hand. 

It felt like the Rock was staring at him again. 

“Simon must watch Grace Rocky sleep,” The rock spoke up again, decisively startling Simon. 

“What?” 

“Rocky need sleep, Grace not sleep for many days, Simon only one left to watch, even if not ideal.” 

The conversational whiplash knocked Simon off track,“Why do I- Grace hasn’t slept?” 

Rocky was right, of course. It had been about three days since Grace had slept more than two hours consecutively. He had been furiously taking notes on something and keeping himself awake with an absurd amount of coffee. Simon had noticed he hadn’t been in the dormitory, but he hadn’t assumed it was because he wasn’t sleeping at all. 

“Grace often forget sleep for many days, and Rocky has to force Grace to sleep, but today Rocky must sleep, so Simon must watch.” He seemed awfully set on the whole matter, enough so to make Simon hold off on just flat out refusing. 

“Okay, so you both need sleep, but why do I have to watch you do it?” 

“It’s a survival norm for Eridians,” Grace cut in, walking through the doorway, swaying slightly on his feet. He looked suddenly exhausted, more so than when Simon had last seen him just thirty minutes ago. “Ever since the first day we met, we watch each other sleep, it’s just sort of normal now, I guess. But don’t worry, I can stay up a little longer so you can sleep, Rock.” 

 Obviously Simon had noticed that the two slept in shifts, but he had assumed it was because they were keeping an eye on him, that they didn't trust him, not because of some freaky alien shit. 

With this new insight he made a quick decision, he could go a night without sleep, he’d done it many times before. 

“Sleep, Grace. I’ll watch you and the alien.” 

Grace gave him a soft thankful smile before heading straight to his own bed and practically diving into it. Rocky moved himself from his small ball to his much more spacious enclosed bed, nestling up cutely- or as cute as an alien rock spider could be. 

Simon went to sit on his own bed, preparing for a long night of creepily watching people as they slept, but was of course stopped by Rocky. 

“Simon should be closer.” 

“I’m like five steps away, how close do you want me to be?” 

“Right next to Grace,” he demanded. 

 Simon sighed, resigning not to make a scene out of it, he went and sat back against the wall closest to Grace’s bed, “Close enough?” 

“Mm, no closer.” 

“How is this not-” he whisper shouted. “Fine, you know what, here-” 

He repositioned himself so he was sat between Rocky and Grace, with his back against the side Grace’s bed, awkwardly close but hopefully enough to please the alien.

 “Close enough now?” he asked. 

“Yes, is fine.” 

Simon scoffed. 

From where he was sitting Simon could feel the soft puffs of Grace's breath on the back of his neck. The sensation sent shivers barreling down his spine. Turning to face the man, Simon noted that he must have been exhausted. He was already fast asleep, his breathing slow and even. He hadn’t even taken off his glasses, which now sat askew, barely on his face, and at risk of getting broken. 

Simon reached out with a careful hand to grab the very edge of the frames and gently slid the glasses off of Grace’s face. Setting them safely aside, Simon turned back to Grace’s sleeping face. He looked soft, his face slack and lips slightly parted, he looked safe and comfortable. 

Would he feel so safe if he knew what I’ve done? Would he ever forgive me if I told him? 

In an almost unconscious motion, Simon reached out to brush aside a strand of hair that looked to be poking Grace in the eye. Fingers brushed over warm skin. Grace’s brow knit imperceptibly,  Simon jerked his arm back. 

How long had it been since he last touched another person? Too long. Far too long. 

Simon dragged his hand over his face, letting out a deep sigh and sliding back to the floor. Rocky had settled, finally, still as stone… ha. 

He let his head fall back, observing the panels of the ceiling. 

He would stay up all night to keep watch, he would prove he could be trusted, he would keep them safe until they both woke up. 

The ship was quiet without Grace’s chatter and Rocky’s tinkering. Void of these ambient sounds that Simon had come to find comforting. The ship made surprisingly little noise even as it hurdled through space. 

Silence put Simon on edge. It reminded him too much of his time in the SM-13 when all he could hear was the rushing of liquid as the sub cut its way through the blood ocean, and the occasional creak of a hull not built to sustain such depths. 

To ground himself he focused on the sound of his own breaths, and those of Grace behind him. Grace’s breaths, which were just a little too fast, and a little too rough

He turned his head to check on the sleeping man, only to see his expression twisted in pain and his breaths coming in fast pants. His mouth moved like he was speaking, but no sound came out. 

This wasn’t a situation Simon knew how to handle. Searching through his memories for help only dredged up a vivid image of waking up alone in a cell panting and sweaty, throat raw from screaming after waking from a particularly gruesome night terror, alone and afraid. 

Grace’s breath hitched painfully and Simon decided he couldn’t let him suffer through whatever nightmare he was experiencing. 

“Grace.” He whispered, receiving no reaction, he tried again, only louder. “Grace.” Again, no response. “...Ryland!” He barked, placing a hand on his shoulder to shake the man awake. 

Finally Grace shot upright, gasping so hard he choked. He looked around frantically, wide, panicked eyes eventually landing on Simon, who had moved back a good two steps.

“Are you-” Simon started. Grace seemed barely lucid, nothing but fear in his expression, so Simon lowered his voice back to a whisper, as soft and comforting as he could manage. “You’re alright, Ryland. It was just a nightmare.”

“Si-Simon?” Grace managed between shaky breaths. 

“Deep breaths.” Simon made an aborted move to place a hand on Grace’s back, instead using that hand to gesture deep breaths, bringing it up and down in time with his own breathing. 

Eventually Grace managed to steady himself, regulating his breathing and dropping his face into his hands. 

“I’m sorry,” Grace mumbled into his palms. 

“Don’t be, I get ‘em too. Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

Grace’s back tensed and he rolled his shoulders, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth. 

“You don’t have to,” Simon assured him. 

He knows as well as anyone that some things are best left in the past.  

He did, however, come to sit on the corner of Grace’s bed, looking at the man and debating what to do next. 

“Do you know what it’s like to run for your life, Simon?” Grace asked grimly. 

It was hard to determine whether or not the question was rhetorical, so Simon provided an answer, “ Can’t run very far on a space station.” 

A small huff of a laugh left Grace’s lips. 

“Can’t run very far under Stratt’s watch, either.”

“Who is-” 

“I hate the smell of grass,” Grace blurted abruptly, interrupting. He glances back towards Simon, bringing his knees firmly to his chest, curling in on himself. 

“Oh,” Simon mouthed, his hand coming up to turn his pendant in his fingers. 

Grace sucked in a few deep breaths, and Simon waited patiently for him to continue. 

“I’m scared of needles…

“I regret not doing track in high school- well- almost, haha. The only way you could have gotten me to run back then was if I- If I was running for my life.

“I…” He trailed off, tugging lightly at his hair. Hesitantly, he looked back towards Simon again, letting his hands fall back down to his lap.

“I like the fog,” he whispered like a secret.

Simon chuckled softly, and Graces returned it with a wobbly smile. 

The air between them stilled, until Simon broke it. 

“I hate eels,” he offered, ignoring the sick twisting feeling in his gut. He felt  it was only fair to return the vulnerability.

At that, Grace’s smile brightened the slightest bit. His eyelids looked heavy, his expression tired. 

“Go back to sleep Grace, I’ll keep an eye on you,” Simon promised softly. 

But at the mention of sleep, Grace tensed again. 

“I don’t want-” He started, his voice catching before dropping off. 

Don’t want to fall back into the same nightmare. 

Reminded of his own plaguing nightmares from before the SM-13 and after, laced Simon with sympathy. He nodded in understanding. 

“Want to take a walk around the ship?” Simon suggested, already on his feet to get out of Grace’s way. 

“Will you come with me?” Grace asked, rubbing at his eye. 

Simon cast a glance towards Rocky, still as stone, soundly asleep. 

“Yeah, I’ll come with you.” 

Most of the ship's lights were off save for the emergency lights which buzzed endlessly, making the ship navigable even in a crisis. 

Soundlessly Grace wandered straight towards the viewport, as if it was second nature to him. Reaching up, he unpinned the corner of the blanket. It fell away exposing the endlessness that waited just on the other side of the metal walls that kept them safe. Simon knew Grace found peace in watching the stars and their slow movement as the Hail Mary sped through the endless nothing.

Simon followed, climbing into the small nook to sit across from Grace. For Simon, there was still a sense of wonder and disbelief in looking at the stars, there was also a needling dread looking at them, dying as they were, but then he would catch the hope in Grace’s eyes, and it’d spark a renewed sort of faith. 

Grace’s dreary mumbles filled the space between the two of them. Simon listened diligently as Grace detailed the life span of different stars. 

Stellar evolution, he called it, eyes heavy. 

“A low mass star… becomes a red giant, with time, and then eventually a planetary nebula, and then finally it ends its life a white dwarf…

“A high-mass star, much bigger, has much more energy. It will burn through its supply of hydrogen and grow into a red supergiant, that- the supergiant then collapses, and the rebound explosion is a supernova. Then, it becomes either a neutron star or black hole… 

“If the mass of the star is great- mm, big enough, then it may just collapse in on itself and become a black hole, or if two companion stars, ones that are near each other combine, they can create a black hole.. and.. and other ways too…

“A neutron star is like the core of a collapsed star, it contains and releases so much energy that- uhm, mm, woooshhhhhhh,” He made a sort of explosion motion with his hands to describe the amount of energy released from the star. 

Grace explained like he was talking to a child. Like he was teaching someone who didn’t quite yet understand, which in a way he was.

Simon listened even when Grace’s train of thought was completely derailed, nonsense falling from his lips. Eventually, silence fell between them. 

Grace’s head rested against the wall, his blond hair crushed between the wall and his scalp sticking to it with static. His chest rose and fell evenly, and drool fell unceremoniously from his mouth. 

Simon debated leaving him there next to the window and the stars, to return to the quiet of the dormitories to continue his watch over Rocky. 

Rocky, who he had made a promise to, a promise to watch over both of them. He couldn’t just leave Grace in the viewport nook. 

Resigned, awkwardly, and very very carefully Simon picked Grace up. With his arm under Grace’s thighs, hoisting him up and holding him against his chest in a precarious balancing act, Simon was confident he had a mostly trustworthy grip on the dead weight in his hold. Simon had been less than diligent about working out, no space or gear on a space ship, and still, Grace was surprisingly light. 

Grace was warm against his chest, a feeling Simon tried to keep from thinking about. 

Slowly, Simon managed to return Grace to his bed, tucking his patchwork quilt over his shoulders.

When finally he returned to his own spot, his back against Grace’s bed, listening to the calm slow breaths behind his head, facing Rocky across from him, he relaxed bodily. He smiled to himself, and thought of stars to pass the hours. 

When morning came it was well past anything that actually could have been considered morning.  Grace and Rocky had both slept for something like 12 hours. Which Simon was glad of, Grace certainly needed the rest. They shared no words about Grace’s nightmare, Simon understood well not wanting to share weakness. 

Simon felt the pull of sleep tugging at his eyes, and Grace urged him to take his own turn sleeping. He did not rest nearly as long, four hours to recharge and he was back to padding around the ship, but it seemed to be empty. 

He checked the lab, the dormitory, the ‘Don’t Go Crazy Room.’ and every hall of the ship, finding no signs of life. 

Well, aside from the shouting coming from the helm- or cockpit as it would be on a spaceship. 

Simon followed the sound to the cockpit, opening the door to find Grace in the pilot’s seat looking more stressed than Simon had ever seen him before, and Rocky at his side providing vital commentary. 

“What’s going on?” Simon asked, voice rough from his few hours of sleep. 

“New human awake, Simon awake. Grace fly ship bad bad bad.” Rocky spouted quickly, giving Simon all the information he needed to put the rest together. 

“Why is Grace flying? Doesn’t the ship have an auto pilot?” 

“Yes, but to ge-” Grace started but was almost immediately interrupted by Rocky again. 

“Ship must get to Erid, Ship not designed to go near planet, Autopilot lack this function, must land manually. Grace must learn land ship, but Grace STUPID and can’t fly. Going to crash ship into Erid, bad, bad, bad.” 

“Ah, I see,” Simon said, coming to stand behind Grace, leaning over his shoulder to view the navigating screen. 

“It’s harder than it looks,” Grace said with something of a pout.

“Not hard, Grace just dumb. Easy for Eridian, easy for Rocky.” At that, Grace just rolled his eyes. Simon huffed out a half laugh. 

Focusing back on the screen, Simon found he made sense of it rather easily. 

“That’s a coordinate based navigating system,” He observed aloud.

“Wha-” Grace began, looking back at Simon to trace his line of sight right back to the screen in front of him. “Oh, this? Yeah, it is, that doesn’t seem to make it any easier to control the thing though. I swear the smallest bit of propulsion and you’re hurdling through space at uncontrollable speeds,” he complained.

“So you just have to account for that when calculating the point that you choose to kill the engines, no? And to keep it in control just gradually adjust the pitch, yaw and roll so you aren’t violently jerking the ship around multiple degrees at a time. Incrementally increase forward propulsion at the start and then decrease incrementally as well. Couple that with thrust in the opposite direction, which I assume your fancy space ship is capable of, and that should give you more control.”

“Hm, I guess I didn’t really think of that- I’m not much of a pilo-”

“No idea how you’re going to land this thing though, what, with no gear, are you planning to crash land it?” Simon interrupted unintentionally, still lost in thought about the navigation system and steering controls. 

“Eridians have elevator, statement.” 

“What?” Simon asked.

“Simon not know elevator?-” 

“The Eridians have this sort of massive automated ladder system that will allow them to bring down the Hail Mary in only a few large pieces, while preserving life support systems on the ship, or so Rocky tells me. So, no real landing necessary. It would be more like docking and orbiting in Erid’ s atmosphere, and hoping gravity doesn’t tug us down to meet the ground. We’ll need to assure we’re at the right altitude and coordinates, which I have most of the maths for worked out… just not the piloting skills to achieve yet, but that’s why we’re practising as we get closer to Erid.” Grace summed up concisely. 

“Grace practice and practice, is still bad.” 

“Hey! I’m getting better!” 

“Might replicate Adrian incident, undesirable, statement.” 

“I will not! That was one time, and there were a lot of other things going on at the time. And the ship is fine!” 

“Only because Rocky fix with Xenonite. Rocky almost die, Grace almost die.” 

“It was an isolated incident! I don- “ 

Simon abruptly interrupted the bickering with the realization that he was missing key information, “Hey Grace, where is Erid?” 

“Oh! I can show you. I’ll pull it up on this screen over here,” He practically leapt out of the pilot's chair, excited to share.  “This here is a diagram of the 40 Eridiani system. Aaaannndd… this is where we are, that dot there.” He said, pointing to a small blinking dot on the screen. 

“Rocky has better diagram.” 

“Rock-” Grace sighed exasperated, pushing his glasses up his face to sit crookedly on his forehead. 

“Rocky has better diagram, Xenonite diagram, Eridian diagram. Rocky get better diagram for Simon.” 

Grace groaned out loud, shaking his head, “Him and his pride, I swear” 

“Rocky hear that!” The alien called from down the hall, making Grace laugh. 

In examining the two diagrams Simon found something odd. It wasn’t anything particularly ground breaking, just a small discrepancy between the digital and physical models, but it was still a noticeable difference. Enough to mean that if Grace based his calculations on the wrong model, then the course could be incorrectly charted, the result of that being the three of them lost in space. 

He thinks it’s probably Grace’s model that’s off. It’s likely that the Eridians would have mapped their own system more accurately than humans who have never visited it, and in that case, it’s likely that Grace’s calculations were wrong, and that their course was mischarted. 

The way Simon understood it, at the speed the Hail Mary was going, over the course of the next five months, they’ll undershoot the entire star system. A little too low and a little to the left. Effectivley nothing when compared to the infinite emptiness, but still enough to miss it completely. 

He was unsure if he sould alert Grace to what he found, what if he was wrong? What if the mistake was his own, would he be reprimanded? 

If he was right, would Grace even beleive him? His saviour had no reason to trust his intelligence, or his word. Would he be locked up for disobedience, for questioning instead of blindly accepting what he was told. 

Was he not in the wrong for doubting Grace at all? He should never have asked to see the diagrams, he should never have looked to hard, he should never have thought too hard.He never should have committed such a sin- 

“Simon in a mood, question?” Rocky’s translated voice cut through his spiral. 

“Pardon?” Simon said, jumping at the new, unexpected presence in the corner of the cockpit he had claimed for his examination of the two models. 

“Rocky ask Simon if he in a mood, Grace always in a mood, act like he is upset with Rocky, but explain it is just stress.” 

“No- I heard you the first time, I’m not in a mood- well, I don’t know. I think-” He took a brief pause, what if I’m right. “I think I found something.”

Rocky rolled over in his large ball, clambering to Simon’s side. 

“Simon explain Rocky new discovery.” 

Simon gestures to the two diagrams. 

“Simon saying Rocky Model is best model, question?” Rocky asked, looking all proud inside his little ball. 

“Wha- No! I’m saying they’re different, not by much but- just look for your self!”

There was a brief moment of tense silence as Rocky retrieved a small, gun looking device from the pocket of his tool belt, pointing it at the screen that displayed the digital model of the 40 Eridiani system. 

It took the rock only seconds to declare, “Simon observations are correct, Planet positions in Grace model are different… What this mean, question?”

Simon explained his thought process and conclusion the best he could, and Rocky listened intently through his explanation. Simon finished by sharing his hesitance to share his findings with Grace due to uncertainty in his mental maths. 

“We must tell Grace,” Rocky said decisively. 

“And if we’re wrong.” 

“Then Rocky, Simon confirm we are incorrect, and everything stay the same. We tell Grace, Statement.”

“I should-”

“Simon tell Grace now! Statement!” Rocky jerked in his ball, agitated.

“Okay! Okay! I get it, Damn, pushy ass rock,” Simon complained, pushing up to his feet. 

They found Grace in the dormitories, examining the wreck of the arm Simon had ripped from the ceiling his first conscious day on the ship. 

“Grace! Grace! Grace! Rocky, Simon make discovery!”

Rocky caught Grace’s attention, and his eyes quickly wandered up to Simon standing behind the alien. 

“Oh? What did you find?” He inquired.

“Ryland,” Simon started, inwardly cringing at his own serious tone, and the curious quirk of Grace’s eyebrow.

“Simon?” 

“The maths you used to chart the Hail Mary’s course to Erid, it might be wrong.” Simon stated. 

Grace smiled. “No chance, I checked it about a hundred times, there’s no way it could be wrong.” 

“The model you based your maths on was the digital one you have in the Hail Mary’s mapping system?” 

Grace paused, “Yes, why?”

“It-” 

“Eridian better! Rocky have best model. Grace model differ by rough three percent margin, Eridian model perfect!” 

“It differs?” Grace asked sharply. 

Grace brushed past Simon in a brisk walk to the front of the ship to check for himself. He took a brief detour to snag a notebook and the whiteboard from the lab, rolling it behind him through the ships corridors. 

He scrutinized each model, comparing them thuroughly, even bringing a measuring tape and protractor to use on the physical model. 

“The Mary can’t be wrong.” Grace muttered quietly, before shouting to nobody, “Mary!” 

“Yes, Dr. Ryland Grace?” 

“How accurate is the mapping system?” 

“The Hail Mary’s charting system is accurate to the ninety ninth percentile.” 

“Could it incorrectly estimate the position of an entire solar system?” Grace asked sharply. 

“The possibility of The Hail Mary’s charting system incorrectly predicting the position of any given star system is unlikely, however-” 

“Is it possible?” Grace reittorated, pointedly. 

“It is possible for The Hail Mary to miscalculate the positions of celestial body, as th-” 

“Thank you, Mary.” Grace snaps. “Rocky, are you one hundred percent certain that the Eridians, with their current level of technology, accurately documented their star system and it’s position in reference to neighbouring systems?”

“Positive,” Rocky affirmed. 

Grace ripped at his hair, short blond strands slipping through his fingers. Roughly, he snatches Rocky’s Xenonite model from where Simon had set it, taking it with him. Talking to himself as he left, Grace stalked through the corridors mumbling, “I can’t be wrong, I cannot be wrong.” 

He was going to the lab, If Simon had to make a guess, he was going to recalculate the entire course.

Simon stayed exactly where he was, the doorway of the cockpit, hesitant to catch up to Grace while the man was in distress. 

“No worry.” Rocky assured Simon. “Grace not upset with Simon. Grace just in a mood, mad with himself for being unsure.” 

Simon hummed in acknowledgement. Rocky, in his ball, rocked in a sort of circle. It reminded Simon of twirling his own hair when he was indicisive. Eventually Rocky spoke again. 

“Simon Rocky do matha together, then show Grace. Cross reference.” 

It was a good idea. 

Rocky and Simon commandeered the whiteboard that Grace left in the cockpit. Rocky went to procure another Eridian model of 40 Eridiani, in the meantime, Simon looked through every screen he could find, learning the ins and outs of the Hail Mary. 

“Grace model, Mary model, declares current position to be exactly 27,023.9528 astronomical unit from Eridiani system, yes, Earth units.” Rocky states. 

“Oh? Thank you?” 

“Always Earth unit. Mary states Eridiani system at this angle from current position.” Rocky tilted two of his arms downwards. 

“Yes, The Hail Mary calculates the course to be down and to the left from our current position, but, with the 3D model.” Simon said, flipping the white board to the clear side so he could begin writing down what he said next, “ The Mary cruises at 1.5g, or..-” 

“1074600000 kilomiters per hour, simpler units.” 

“Yes. And we are an estimated-” 

“5 earth months, 3652.5 earth hours, 13140000 earth seconds from Eridiani system, yes, yes, yes.” Rocky interrupted again. 

Simon heaved a long suffering sigh before writing out the equation on the whiteboard, he was no science teacher, but he wasn’t dull either. Distance is equal to speed times time. 

The marker squeaked aggressively on the whiteboard as Simon solved the equation. 

“According to your model, The Hail Mary is about 26236.85 astronomical units from 40 Eridiani, on about a 9 degree angle from our current position.” He declared, staring at his rough handwriting on the whiteboard. 

“Good, good, good, go show Grace.” 

Simon nodded. 

Just as Grace had done earler, Simon dragged the whiteboard behind him. He looked for Grace in the lab, but the lights were dark, so he went to search the dormitories, but that brought no sign of the man either. 

In fact, he looked through the entire ship, checking each nook and cranny Grace seemed to enjoy stuffing himself into. He circled back to the dark lab, walking in, searching behind every table and piece of equipment. 

From the other side of a counter Simon caught a glimpse of blond hair, haloed by the emergency light. 

“Grace?” Simon called, rounding the counter. 

Pens and a notebook littered the floor at Graces side. The man was curled in on himself, his glasses hanging off his ear and his arm clutched tightly around his stomach like a hug. He didn’t answer Simon, shuddering breaths shook his shoulders. 

Picking up the notebook, Simon scanned the open page. Equations similar to his and Rocky’s. 

So he was right, they were off course because the Hail Mary’s mapping system was just slightly off. 

Sliding down the side of the lab table to sit beside Grace, Simon spoke, “Rocky and I worked out about the same answer.” He said, notebook balanced on his thigh allowing him to point at the solved equation. 

Grace sucked in a gasp of breath that sounded like it wasn’t nearly enough. A sob wracked the man’s whole body, his shoulders hitching up and his knees drawing further in. With both arms he hugged himself tighter, his hand dragging up and down his own side in a desperate attempt at self soothing. 

Simon had seen this kind of desperation before, in cells watching people shake and bite their own lips and fingers to a bloody mess to keep their crying silent. In the people who wanted nothing to do with the fear that ran off every wall of Eden and Filament station, fidgeting with their clothing to try and distract themselves from the waking nightmare. In the people who faced inhumane, and final punishments, those who didn’t deserve what they were about to get, rocking slowly back and forth to soothe themselves in their final moments, the final moments he had brought some of them. 

Worst of all he saw it in himself, a raw, unhealed, festering weakness, the way he craved comfort after he’d stripped so many of that very thing. The butcher did not deserve comfort, that’s the very reason he was sent down into the unforgiving blood ocean in the first place. To seek comfort was a foible that made one fragile, a contemptible child's trait. 

But something Grace was so deserving of. 

“It’s not your fault, Grace, you couldn’t have known the mapping system was wrong.” 

Grace turned his head against his knees to face the man beside him. His eyes were puffy and red rimmed, his cheeks were red, rubbed raw from wiping tears, and still they were soaked. 

“I could have checked-” Another sob ripped through his throat, “- checked my maths against Rocky’s model, instead of blindly trusting Stratt’s equipment.” 

“You could have, but it doesn’t matter now, you recalculated, you can reset the course. It’s okay that you were wrong the first time, Grace.” 

Grace flailed, both hands coming up to tangle and tug at his hair, 

“It’s not about being right the first time! It’s about being so wrong I could have cost us the mission! I could have cost Rocky everything he knows…” Grace shouted, more tears threatening to spill. “I still might have cost him everything! I don’t know how to manually change the course without Mary’s star map as reference! I’m not a flipping pilot! I’m a microbiologist! A middle school science teacher! A guy who rides a bike to work and wears a cardigan with foxes on it! I’m a guy who hangs “Make Like an Proton and Stay Positive!” posters in his classroom! I’m not cut out for any of this, everyone who is, died! Their bodies are floating in space and I can’t get myself together enough to make them proud!” He shouts, tears streaming down his face, dripping off his jaw and landing like raindrops on his jeans. 

“Grace-” Simon tries. 

“Sure, Earth is saved, if they even got the Taumoeba at all, but what did I do? Rocky made the collector, the chain, the breeding tanks- he fixed my ship, he gave me the fuel to go home, he saved my life! I owe him so much, and I almost doomed his only chance at saving his home because of an inability to check my own sources!” 

“Grace, please-” 

“I was confident about it, too. If you weren’t here we would wind up lost in space. I could have cost Rocky his life, his chance at going home, his chance at ever seeing Adrian again-” Grace is interrupted by a fit of coughs, his throat dry from the heaving and sobbing. 

Quietly, Simon get’s up, and heads for the dormitories. He asked the ship for water which he got in a liter pouch, and then walked over to pluck Grace’s patchwork blanket off the bed. Both items tucked securely under his arm he returned to Grace’s side in the still dim lab. 

Gently he draped the blanket of Graces shoulders, smoothing out the fabric. He noted the patches, bright and colourful, fitting for the man it belonged to. He smoothed his fingers over one near the edge of the blanket, it looked like a childrens drawing, with a heart in the centre. He handed Grace the water, waiting a few seconds in silence as Grace drank, before speaking. 

“They would be proud,” Simon began, somewhat stiffly, “You’ve done so much Grace, more than you credit yourself for. Nothing’s doomed, you figured it out, everything will be… it will be fine.” 

“I still don’t know how to recalibrate the course, Mary uses her mapping system for that, and, well-” Grace trailed off with a shaky breath. 

“I can do it,” Simon stated. 

Grace looked at him, his eyes still red, glasses god knows where, but he looked calmer now, and curious. 

“It’s a coordinates based system, I’ve got… experience,” Simon said hesitantly, “I can figure it out.” 

“You can?”

“Probably.” 

Another wave of tears rolled down Grace’s cheeks, and for the first time in his defiant life Simon hoped his words weren’t the reason. He was assured, though, as he watched the tension bleed out of Grace’s shoulders and his head lull in relief. 

Simon met Graces eyes, his gaze looked slightly unfocused without his glasses. 

“Simon…” 

Simon gave an answering hum. 

Once more, Grace curled tightly in on himself, grabbing his own shoulders and squeezing his arms tightly. 

“Would you- I- May I-” He stuttered, shaking like he was cold even with the blanket over his shoulders. “Can I just…” Grace leaned closer, practically falling into Simon space. “Stay like this, just for a moment?” He asked quietly. 

Left hand coming up to grab onto Simon’s bicep, Grace tucks himself a little closer, head rested atop of Simon’s marred left shoulder. 

Simon froze completely, every muscle tensed, back locking up shocking his spine straight. 

Grace was warm everywhere they touched, and Simon suddenly found the borrowed shirt he wore to be far too thin as the heat from Grace’s skin bubbled in his chest. In the back of his mind a half formed thought told him, this is what a stream of sunshine through a forest canopy feels like, warm. Radiant. 

Hair tickled the side of Simon’s neck and the underside of his jaw, stray strands lightly brushed his cheek. 

Grace was too close. Head rested right next to the vile monstrous teeth that sprouted from Simon’s mandible and cheek bone. 

The teeth were sharp, he knew, he had drawn blood before by poking and prodding at them, no matter how gently. Cruel tools meant to rip through flesh and tear it from bone.

Just one of the things that polarized the two of them. 

Saviour and sinner. 

Healer and Harm.

Man and monster. 

And Grace was just too close to all of it. 

Simon leaned back sharply, gently pushing Grace a way with a hand on the man’s shoulder. Putting distance between the two. 

Blue frameless eyes widened in an expression not unlike abject horror. Regret, of course. 

Grace had every right to regret letting Simon, in all his half human gore, so close. He couldn’t even be mad at the reaction, he had more right to be weary of Simon than he even yet knew. 

So when Grace gave a frantic, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t- Oh gosh, shoot, I’m so sorry, Simon.” before scrambling to his feet and practically sprinting out of the lab, new tears springing in his eyes, Simon did not chase after him.

He sat in the dark, back against the cool lab table, and smoothed his hand over the left side of his face. He grimaced at the feeling of mangled skin and jutting spikes of enamel beneath the pads of his fingers. 

Grace had every right to run, what softness did Simon deserve anyways? 

Butcher.

Convict. 

And now a half human freak. 

He could fix the Mary’s course to Erid, prove his usefulness in the pilots chair. Repay Grace a fraction of what he owed him for saving his life from the blood ocean, from the COI, from Eden. 

He knew how to be useful, to keep busy and out of the way, it was survival, so it became second nature. He could both prove his worth and keep out of the way, and pray Grace’s angelic kindness outweighed whatever it was he felt towards Simon that had him running. 

He dedicated weeks to learning about the ships navigation system and manual piloting system, it was, in a roundabout way, not dissimilar to his primitive submarine with it’s intuitive coordinate based system. There were some differences, but Simon picked them up fast. 

Upon figuring out what exact coordinates would land them where they needed to be in the Eridian star system, it was only a matter of adjusting the angle the ship was flying and it was an almost straight shot to Erid. 

He kept busy with the plants when Grace wasn’t in the lab and in the cockpit when he was. 

Checking to confirm they remained on course will small adjustments every day or so, the distance between them and their destination was rapidly closing. 

“Six weeks until Rocky can introduce Grace to Adrian,” Rocky said, waving jazz hands, as both grace and the alien referred to the gesture, in Grace’s face from inside his little ball. 

“After our little side quest, of course. Speaking of, I don’t think I’ve told Simon about our little detour yet, have you seen him?” 

“Simon in a mood, statement.” 

Grace sighed, “I should have known you’d be no help. Can see through walls and still won’t help me find the only other person on the ship.” 

“Simon in ‘don’t go crazy room’, Grace stop whining now.” 

Grace tossed a “thank you!” over his shoulder before rounding corners to find the man in question. 

Just as Rocky said, Simon was sitting on the grate platform, watching a forest scape play across the screen, the exact same scene Grace had first shown him. 

“Is this one your favourite?” Grace asked, announcing his presence.

“Mn.” 

“I like the beach, always changing.” He sat next to Simon. “I wanted to thank you for getting us back on course, we’re getting pretty close to Erid now.” 

“About 6 weeks away, right?” Simon asked. 

“You’ve got it! Or, well… I wanted to talk to you about that, actually. We won’t be ‘landing’ right away, we’ll be making a pit stop of sorts by 40 Eridiani A d, Aka Threeworld.” 

“Threeworld, really?” Simon said with a sarcastic huff. 

“Hey, don’t make fun of it, Rocky does that enough to last me a lifetime. We’ll be stopping in it’s petrova line, so it should only be a few days detour.” 

“Petrova line?”

“Oh, did I never…” Grace mumbled. “Well, A petrova line, named for the woman who discovered the occurance, is the path which Astrophage travels from a star to a planet to breed. You see, Astrophange emits infrared light after it had it’s fill of a star, allowing us to be able to see it with infrared cameras such as the Petrovascope on the ship and smaller scale ones inside the EVA suit helmets, cool right?” 

Simon nodded, “Sounds high tech.” 

“It is! We want to collect samples of the Astropbage abd run it through some tests to make sure it reacts with the Taumoeba, Rocky is already working on the collection device. Then I’ll have to go on two space walks, one to set it, and one to retrieve it.” 

“Spacewalk, huh?” Simon said, his attention split between Grace, and the recorded swaying leaves.

“Yeah, I’ve had to do a couple, some of them have been pretty rough, hah…” 

A bird flew across the screen, singing as it went. 

“Anyways,” Grace shouted, louder than necessary. “We’ll talk more on the matter when we actually make it to 40 Eridiani. I’ll see you for dinner, and, uh, It’s my turn to watch everyone sleep tonight so I’ll see you then too.” 

He stood, giving Simon an awkward smile. 

From the edge of Simon’s view, he watches the blonde reach a hand over, as if to pat him on the shoulder, but he let his hand fall back before he could commit to the movement. Making for the door without another word. 

Alone again Simon closed his eyes and heaved a sigh, cringing at the whole interaction. 

He passed the next weeks with simple tasks. Monitoring the ships course, caring for the plants, making sure Grace didn’t work himself to the point of dehydration, and keeping civil with the sassy rock. 

His time was spent so consistently that he almost felt the tedium of it set in. 

But of course, there was no monotony, however, when the Hail Mary broke past the outskirts of a star system. Any semblance of routine Simon had being broken by an overexcited Rock rolling about the ship, bragging about his mate and cheering about getting to go home. Grace was equally if not more excited, staring out the viewport at every opportunity. 

Simon adjusted the ship’s course, slowing it slightly, and shifting it to more precisely guide the ship towards their next stop. 

At present, Grace’s first of two spacewalks had been four days prior. Setting the collection system on the hull. 

Now, Simon had been brought into the lab to discuss the next step of their plan. 

Rocky’s model of his star system in the centre if the room, Grace starts explaining. He got maybe two words in before he was interrupted,. 

“Do puppet show!” Rocky demanded. 

Simon guessed this was not the first instance of this conversation by the way Grace exasperatedly pulls his glasses off to smooth a hand down his face before acquiescing with no further goading. 

“Finnnneee,” he groaned, walking out of the lab, presumably to go find his puppets. 

Returning with a Xenonite prop of his ship, Grace resumes his explanation, flying the puppet ship around the model. 

“We’ll enter far orbit around here, this way we can hang out in the patrova line long enough to collect our samples. Then I’ll go-” 

“Grace puppet! Grace puppet!” Rocky said, frantically pointing at Grace. 

With a roll of his eyes, Grace digs through his cardigan pocket, grabbing a small human looking puppet, much to Rocky’s delight, which the Rock expresses with jazz hands and a chant of “Amaze! Amaze! Amaze!”

“- I’ll go on my second spacewalk, retrieve the collector, and we’ll be on our Mary way. How does all that sound, Simon?” Grace finished. 

Smirking to himself, Simon mumbled, “Amaze, amaze, amaze.” 

Grace’s responding laugh was infectious.

Piloting the Hail Mary into Threeworld’s orbit was surprisingly easy. Showing off the Petrovascope, Grace showed Simon their position in the petrova line. 

It was less than a days time until Rocky had dubbed the collector clear for retrieval. 

Now, Simon stood watching Grace suit up in all his clunky looking gear, listening to Rocky and him argue. 

“Grace won’t drop collector.” 

“I won’t, I promise.” Grace agreed, as he struggled with his boots. 

“Grace will be safe, Question?” 

“I’m always safe, don’t worry, bud.”

“Lie, lie, lie, Grace needlessly reckless.” 

“I am not! I just did this exact same thing a couple of days ago when I set up the collector, and that went off without a hitch.” 

“Grace almost dropped collector trying to do ‘Super cool trick’. Grace needlessly reckless.” 

Simon quirked a brow, he hadn’t been told about this failed attempt at a super cool trick. 

“Okay well, I didn’t drop it, did I? So, take that!” 

“Maybe Simon should accompany Grace on spacewalk for supervision.” Rocky suggested. 

“I am a grown man, I do not need supervision!” 

“Simon do spacewalk with Grace, this collector important to survival of Eridians. Avoid risk, Simon do spacewalk.”

Grace sighed, “Simon? You certainly don’t have to, but would you like to come with me, if not only for Rocky’s peace of mind?” 

Simon gave it some thought but eventually conceded, “Sure, I’ll come to make sure you don’t throw the collector into the sun,” he joked. 

“Grace unable to throw that far. Earth sun, Sol is many light years away.” 

Grace threw his head back in a laugh, “He didn’t mean it literally, Rocky. Here Simon, I’ll help you get suited up.”

The EVA suit was confining, but the mild claustrophobia was only an afterthought compared to the thrill of walking outside of the Hail Mary. He followed behind Grace closely, keeping a hand on the cable that kept him tethered to the hull. 

Grace was maybe two feet in front of him, carefully detaching the collection device from where it was mounted to the ship and clipping it to his side. 

“Alright.” Grace’s voice filled his helmet, speakers connecting each suit to each other and back to the ship. “Collection device retrieved.” 

“Return to ship now, question.”

“Mmm, not quite yet, there’s something I want to show Simon first,” Grace announced, walking in slow floaty steps towards Simon. 

“No recklessness, Grace promised! Simon make Grace return to ship now, statement.” 

Simon ignored Rocky’s complaints, instead tilting his head as much as the suit would allow, “What did you want to show me?”

While Simon kept his feet firmly planted on the metal of the hull, Grace launched himself off the side. He was still tethered to the ship, so he didn’t go far. He was now upside down and floating in front of Simon. 

Grace reached out a hand, and an image flashed in front of Simon’s eyes, a memory covered in blood in which an angel offered his hand and took Simon up to his ship to show him the truth. This time, Grace’s hand made contact with the side of Simon’s helmet.

Quietly, the blond whispered, “This.” 

With a soft click the entire world outside of Simon’s helmet changed. The emptiness of space flipped from black to red that lit up his eyes. 

In that moment, any remaining doubts Simon had about reality and about Grace’s honesty were dispelled by glittering red light dancing in his eyes. Dots sharp and clear in his right eye flickered in dazzling light. In his left it was blurry and obscured but no less mesmerizing, streaks of light dissipating at the edges, feathering out to nothing. 

As the particles moved past, he raised his hand as if to touch them, they moved around him like water, it was mesmerizing. 

When finally he managed to pull his eyes away, he turned to find Grace, who was still floating upside down a dopey, infectious, smile on his face. 

He hadn’t drifted far, if anything, he’d gotten closer. 

“It’s… breathtaking,” Simon breathed, the speaker probably barely picking up his voice. 

“Isn’t it? Astonishing how something so destructive can be so beautiful,” Grace mused. It would have been poetic if it weren’t for the way Grace laughed and thunked the tops of their helmets together. 

“What’s so funny,” Simon questioned. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this wide before… I’m also totally thinking how I’m like space Spiderman right now, and I guess that makes you space M.J,” He said, thinking the faces of their helmets together again playfully, and laughing brilliantly. It’s bright as all the glittering lights, all the stars. 

“I don’t know who those people are,” Simon admits, his own voice broken up by uncontrollable soft laughter.

“What! I have to show you Spiderman, we’ll start with The Amazing Spider-Man, Garfeild’s always been my favourite-” 

“Grace, Simon return to ship now!” Rocky’s voice cut through. 

“Oops, right! Yeah, yeah, Rock, we’re on our way. 

“Come on Simon, let’s get back inside before Rocky tries to put on an EVA suit and come get us himself.” Grace said, tugging on his tether until his feet met the hull, then switching off the infrared on both his and Simon’s helmets. He led the way back to the airlock. 

Simon followed, chest feeling lighter than he ever thought it could.