Chapter Text
Keith walked with Pidge to their local Wendy’s the next day. He thought since Shiro knew and he got the hardest part off the table, it was time to tell his best friend.
They were sitting on a curb right outside the restaurant, munching away at their meals. “Okay so let me get this straight—”, She was sipping on a chocolate milkshake, and if it reminded him of a certain someone he wouldn’t admit it, “—you had a crush on my brother in middle school, and you couldn’t tell him so you wrote him a letter but never mailed it.”
Keith nodded.
“And you think I'd be mad at you for liking my brother.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Keith, I don’t give a shit. It’s not like you tried to pounce him. Besides, you were like 12. You’re grown now and realize how much of a fucking loser Matt is.”
“Pidge, that’s not nice.” Even though he said that, he won't deny the smile on his face. “Are you sure you’re not mad at me? Or at least pissed off?”
“Well, to be honest you did befriend Matt first so i guess i don’t have a big say in this. If you tried to get together with him now I think I would've been kind of weirded out, but you didn’t.”
Keith felt a weight lift off his shoulders, the smile on his face growing.
“Does Shiro know?” Pidge asked.
“Yeah. He was shocked but started being sympathetic with me after he saw the hot tub video. To be honest, a part of me wishes he was mad for a little bit longer, I feel like he deserves to be, you know? I guess he couldn’t let anger get in the way of loving his brother.”
“God that’s so cheesy.” Pidge’s voice was muted as she tried to talk through the countless fries in her mouth.
After a few seconds of them eating their food in silence, Keith spoke up. “I wrote a letter to Lance too.”
“What?!”
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Keith was standing in line for popcorn. He and his siblings had yet again spent the entire day at the movies. Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, he grabbed it and saw Lance was calling him. He pressed ignore.
Yes, he was ignoring Lance over break, and things were thankfully back to the way they were before this autumn even happened.
Shiro and Romelle walked up to Keith. “Popcorn and m&m’s?” Romelle asked him.
“Popcorn and Raisinettes!” Shiro vetoed. “Keith, your vote decides it -“
But Keith was still looking at his phone where he had five missed calls from Lance.
“Anything's fine with me guys.” He replied.
Romelle and Shiro gave each other a look. Shiro put his hand on Keith’s arm. “Why don't you just talk to him?”
Keith brushed him off then pocketed his phone. “I don't know what you're talking about. Also, Raisinettes? What are you, 50?”
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It was New year’s eve, and Keith occupied his time by organizing his closet. Shiro had just left earlier that day, going on a trip with some of his high school friends.
He opened Instagram and saw photos of a party at Griffin’s: Lance was there. Nyma was there too. He looked around him, at all the scattered clothes, and frowned. Coran walked by his room– “No parties tonight?”
“I've been neglecting my closet. It was really unorganized.”
Coran gives him that ‘I'm sorry for you’ look. “Keith, why don't you just talk to him?”
Keith stayed silent for a second. “I don't know who you mean.”
“At least come watch the ball drop with me and Romelle. Allura and Alfor are here aswell.”
Keith shook his head, “No thanks, can you just close the door?”
Coran studied his face for a moment, then shut the door softly.
Keith opened his phone back up and scrolled through photos of him and Lance. He sighed, about to text Lance ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’, but ultimately stopped himself.
Keith dreadfully walked down the halls of his school with Pidge and Hunk. He and Romelle had skipped their first day back in favor of staying with Shiro a bit more.
“No one's mentioned the video?” He asked as the trio made their way to their lockers.
“Nope! Lance put on this macho act and threatened anyone who brought it up with a beating…It was actually pretty cringey but I guess that’s a knight in shining armor for you.” Pidge recalled.
Hunk giggled, “Nyma’s face through it all was pretty funny."
Keith smiled at them. It was bittersweet to think about Lance doing that for him, not that he needed it. He’s pretty sure his own uppercut could send Lance flying to Venus.
Yet, "IT'S ALWAYS THE ONES YOU NEVER EXPECT" was written in very familiar handwriting on his locker. He heard Hunk telling him to try and ignore it.
Instead, he sped down the hallway, not looking where he was going, and ran right into Lance as he turned the corner. “Keith, what’s wrong?” Both his arms were in Lance’s grasp.
He looked at Lance in disbelief. “You know she did this. Why can’t you accept it– Why can’t you confront her?” Keith looked up at Lance, expecting an answer, but he was met with a furrowed eyebrow. Keith pushed away from him and looked down the hallway to find everyone looking at him. It was like a nightmare come true. Ignoring the looks he got, he continued his journey of finding the person responsible for the video.
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Keith opened the door to the women’s restroom and found the culprit washing her hands
“Um. Hi? You do realize this is the women's restroom?” Nyma pointed out, looking at him through the mirror in front of her.
“I know you posted that video.” He stated.
Nyma turned and looked at him. “It wasn't me, but I'm glad someone did. Because it finally shows everyone who you really are.” She dried off her hands and turned around to look at him.
“High school is just a bunch of people wearing masks, right? People pretend to be something they're not for attention or to survive or whatever. Lance’s not as confident as he pretends to be, and you Keith Kogane, are not as resilientas you pretend to be.” While speaking, she started getting closer to Keith.
“You’re actually a bitch who kissed the boy I liked!” She shrieked, no personal space provided as Keith can smell her Bath and Body Works body spray.
“You were broken up, you don’t own him!” Keith said, exasperated.
“No! Before that. Before we even dated.”
Dumbfounded, Keith implored. “Wait. Are you talking about middle school?”
“Keith, you knew I liked him and you kissed him anyway.”
“It was spin-the-bottle you asshole! It barely even lasted a fucking second, it doesn’t mean anything.”
“It was everything to me!” Nyma stormed out of the bathroom, very upset.
What Keith learned from that conversation was that Nyma 100% posted that video and that she is most definitely not as tough as she pretends to be.
And, is it possible that the reason he and Nyma stopped being friends is because she was jealous of him?
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Back home, away from the noise of the world, Keith helped Shiro pack his stuff before his trip back to Arizona. It was a bittersweet yet intimate moment between the two brothers.
“Shiro, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Did you stop loving Matt when you broke up with him?”
Shiro gave his question a few thoughts, “I guess I'll always love Matt a little bit. But at some point the love changed. I outgrew him, I guess. Does that make sense?”
Keith was quiet. He thought back to just two days ago, when he spied Shiro and Matt outside their front porch having a conversation that this time ended in a hug instead of a breakup.
“Why do you ask? Still think you might have feelings for Lance?”
Keith pushed down a sigh and nodded, frowning.
“You have to talk to him, Keith—”
“I can't.” His voice cracked as he tried to blink away the tears gathering in his eyes.
“Why not?”
“Because if it wasn't real, then I didn't really lose anyone. I can tell myself it didn't matter, but if I say it's real and he still doesn't want me…”
Shiro put his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Then at least you'll know. You have to learn to tell people how you feel when you feel it, Keith. Not just to me, but to the people who care about you too. ”
Keith flopped back on Shiro’s bed and hummed in agreement. That was some heavy Shiro Advice to contemplate about.
Romelle knocked on the door and as always didn't wait for a response as she entered Shiro's room, her hands behind her back. “I have something for you.” She walked over to Keith, “Call it a belated Christmas gift.”
Romelle took the tin box from behind her back and handed it to Keith. She instructed him to open it and when he did, it was filled with all the notes Lance wrote to Keith.
“I just thought...they were something you should save.” She presumed.
Keith looked through them. Some were innocuous. ‘Wanna get smoothies after school? My treat.’
And some were more special. ‘You looked beautiful today.’
Shiro picked one up and read it aloud. “Thanks for coming to the meet on Friday. I always play better when I know you're there.”
Romelle followed, “Everyone was so impressed by your presentation in Lit. But especially me. Love having a smarty-pants BF.”
Keith picked one up and read it aloud as well. “It's cool how we can talk to each other about the real stuff.”
Keith took a deep breath., then groaned into his hands. “What can I do? I messed it all up. He probably hates me now.”
“I hate to be a nag—”
Romelle interrupts, “No you don’t.”
“—But maybe you should talk to him.” Keith stared at Shiro. “In person.”
“Will you drive me?” Keith suggested.
“No.”
Keith laid back and listened to his siblings’ conversations until his phone pinged.
Lance: im sorry.
Keith found it hard to think without conveying his emotions on his face for the rest of the day.
A day later, after they dropped Shiro off at the airport, Keith stood in the foyer, staring at the car keys hanging on a hook. It was a Friday, which meant that late afternoon Lance would be at practice. He took a deep breath and grabbed the keys, which enunciated a loud cheer from Coran and a few claps from Romelle, who were licking away at some ice cream in the kitchen. As well as a string of barks from Kosmo who scarily seemed to understand what Keith was about to do.
Inside the car it felt like Keith was going a hundred miles an hour. He was profusely sweating due to being so anxious. He glanced down at the speedometer to see that he was actually going below the speed limit, the car inched along. God, he’s a terrible driver. But at least he’s driving.
He parked the car in the school parking lot and sat there gripping the wheel. He exhaled and let his head fall on the horn, accidentally startling himself by the sound. He grimaced before getting out of the car and power walking to the natatorium.
It took a few minutes, but when he swung the doors open he spotted Lance, alone, doing backstrokes in the gigantic school pool and started speeding towards him until Lance spotted him.
His eyes widened and he started swimming faster, aiming for the ladder a few feet away from him. Keith moved to sit on the bench that held Lance’s belongings, taking in the all familiar chlorine smell as Lance made his way to him.
“Hi.” Lance exhaled. He was staring at Keith in perplexity, trying to decipher why he’s here.
“Hey.” Keith whispered back, out of breath. “I have to tell you something.”
“Okay?..”
Lance was staring at him, his eyes seeking Keith’s ‘something.’ He plopped down next to him, sending a few water droplets around them.
Sure, he was finally telling Lance about what he felt when he felt it just like Shiro told him to do, but that didn’t mean Lance would like what Keith had to say.
Ultimately, he bailed. “I drove here. Just thought you'd want to know. Okay, bye.”
He got up in an attempt to walk away, cursing to himself, shaking his head. Then, he felt cold, wet fingers grip his wrist.
“Hey! What's that paper in your hand?”
“Nothing.” He said, giving him a rapid response.
Lance dried his hands on the towel next to him. He stood up next to Keith and grabbed for the letter to start opening it, but he ended up giving it back to Keith upon reading for a mere second. “If you want me to have this, you have to give it to me yourself.”
After a beat of silence, Keith made a decision. “Can you turn around?” Lance looked at him skeptically. “Please.”
As soon as Lance turned around, he opened the letter and started to read. His voice was shaky, laced with uncertainty. “Dear Lance, I need you to know-” Keith looked up from the letter, staring at Lance's back, the expanse of freckles staring back at him. And in a moment of clarity he decided to tap his shoulder. In response, Lance quickly turned around.
Keith folded the letter, putting it in his pocket, then continued, “I need you to know that I like you, Lance McClain. And not in a fake way. So I guess that's all I came here to say.”
Lance was staring at him, emotion not quite visible on his face. Keith looked at him before deciding to turn back to make way to his car.
“Hey, wait. Don't I get to say something?”
Keith turned back, giving Lance the chance to talk. “I went to Nyma's room that night to tell her things were over for good, because..”
He stopped, looking scared. Keith cocked an eyebrow at him. What was Lance McClain so scared of?
“ ...because I'm in love with you, Keith. Only you.”
Keith’s shocked. Taken aback even. “You're what?”
“You heard me. I’ve liked you ever since the ninth grade, when you won first place in the science fair alongside Pidge. You refused to go up the stage until I was convinced you it was no big deal, and that everyone was too busy sulking over how they didn’t win to pay attention to you and how you acted or looked. But the truth is, I paid attention to you that whole day Keith, and I don't think I ever stopped.”
Keith didn’t know how to respond to Lance, he just looked at him like he was the first person to really notice him, to understand him and who he was with just one look.
“And I’m sorry about giving your scrunchie away to Nyma and for making you feel unsteady and uncertain with me. I just need you to know I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, I didn’t mean any of it.”
“I’m sorry too —For making you feel the uncertainty too.”
Lance smiled then leaned over in an attempt to kiss him. “Are you gonna break my heart, Kogane?” Keith rolled his eyes in response.
Keith leaned over and captured Lance’s lips with his, for what he couldn’t make up with words he’d make up with this. Keith pulled away for a second, “If you want this to continue, you have to go take a shower.”
Lance stared at Keith like he hung the moon, then laughed. “What about we both go home. I’ll go freshen up, then you pick me up and we go to Sal's diner. After that you'll take us back home and you can pick out any movie for us to watch.”
“Is that your way of making me drive?”
“Maybe.”
He dragged Lance into one last kiss before telling him it’s a deal, and leaving to go drive himself home.
Keith had always read and written about how it would feel like falling in love, trusting someone with your entire being. He never thought he’d get to experience it.
Dear Lance,
First of all I refuse to call you McClain. You think you’re so cool, going by your last name all of a sudden. Just so you know, McClain sounds like the name of an old man who works at a Denny’s.
Did you know that when you kissed me, I would come to love you? Sometimes I think you did. You definitely did. Because you think EVERYONE loves you, Lance. That’s what I hate about you, because everyone does love you. Including me. I do and I'm not sure why!
You burp and you don’t say excuse me. You just assume everyone else will find it funny. And if they don’t, who cares, right? Wrong! You do care. You care a lot about what people think of you.
You’re so kind to everyone. Too kind. You could’ve given other guys a chance to be kind, but you never did.
You kissed me for no reason. Even though I knew you liked Nyma, and you knew you liked Nyma, and Nyma knew you liked her. But you still did it. Just because you could. I really want to know: Why would you do that to me? My first kiss was supposed to be something special. I’ve read about it, what it’s supposed to feel like—fireworks and lightning bolts and the sound of waves crashing in your ears. I didn’t have any of that. Thanks to you it was as unspecial as a kiss could be.
The worst part of it is that stupid nothing kiss is what made me start liking you. I never did before. I never even thought about you. Nyma has always said that you're the best-looking guy in our grade, and I agreed, because sure, you are. But I still didn’t see the allure of you. Plenty of people are good-looking. That doesn’t make them interesting or intriguing or cool.
Maybe that’s why you kissed me. To do mind control on me, to make me see you that way. Well, your stupid trick worked. From then on, I saw you. Up close, your face wasn’t so much handsome as beautiful. Your blue eyes were like sea waves dancing under the sunlight. I think it’s a lot to do with your lashes. You have really long lashes, unfairly long.
But you do redeem yourself with your good traits, Lance.
Like that one time in math when nobody wanted to be partners with Rolo because he went to juvie, and you volunteered like it was no big deal. Suddenly everybody thought Rolo wasn’t so bad.
You’re still in choir, even though all the other guys take band and orchestra now. You even sing solos. And you dance, and you’re not embarrassed.
You were the last guy in our grade to get tall. And now you’re the tallest, but it’s like you earned it. Also, when you were short, no one even cared that you were short—the girls still liked you and the boys still picked you first for dodgeball in gym.
After you kissed me, I liked you for the rest of eighth grade and most of ninth. Those fleeting moments where I saw you walking down the halls of our school used to make my day. And when I'd get home, I'd find myself missing you! Isn't that so pathetic?! How could you miss someone you saw all the time?
Do you know what it’s like to like someone so much you can’t stand it and know that they’ll never feel the same way? Probably not. People like you don’t have to suffer through those kinds of things.
And now that you’re dating Nyma, I know for sure that I am also over you. I’m immune to you now, Lance. I’m really proud to say that I’m the only one in this school who has been immunized to the charms of Lance McClain. All because I had a really bad dose of you in eighth grade and most of ninth. In the nicest way possible, fuck you for being so nice and handsome, Lance.
Yours never,
Keith Kogane.