Chapter Text
keonho woke up hot and sweaty, a warmth engulfing his entire body. he slowly opened his eyes, his vision still blurry as it adjusted to the light. he blinked a few times and there seonghyeon was, nuzzled up against his chest, arms wrapped around his frame. keonho smiled warmly, his heart clenching at how gorgeous seonghyeon looked. he looked like a sculpture, his features sharp even in his sleep.
keonho brushed his finger along seonghyeons jaw, tracing the sharp lines. he could never get tired of looking at him, even in his sleep. he could watch him sleep for hours to end and not get bored, obviously in a very non-creepy way. he just admired the boy so much.
it startled him to see seonghyeon break down like that yesterday. just seeing him cry and unravel before him made something painful twist in his own stomach. he hated seeing seonghyeons beautiful face plastered with tears that weren’t happy. it hurt for keonho to think just how much seonghyeon must’ve been carrying alone to have had a meltdown like that. he felt guilty that he hadn’t realised the weird patterns sooner. that he didn’t realise his best friend was slowly fading away while they shared the same space everyday. he hated it, hated how seonghyeon was suffering right in front of him and he couldn’t do anything before it got worse. couldn’t do anything to be there for him when he needed it most. it pained him.
his thoughts were disrupted by the rustling of sheets. seonghyeon stirred, arms letting loose of keonhos body as they stretched upwards. he rubbed his eyes until his vision cleared, the view of keonho already smiling and looking at him.
“morning” keonho said, voice still raspy from sleep. he pushed himself up on one elbow as he looked at the older boy, eyes filled with nothing but softness.
“hmm morning keonho-ya..” seonghyeon yawned, arm resting flat against his eyes, an attempt to go back to sleep. keonho scoffed.
“noo get up!!! its our one and only day off. lets do something” keonho whined as he grabbed seonghyeon by his shoulders and started pulling him back and forth, his favourite technique to annoy his hyung.
“ughh stop.” seonghyeon groaned, finally sitting up straight as he yawned once more while scratching the back of his head. keonho looked at him victoriously.
“yay!! now get ready. lets grab some breakfast at the diner down the street, they have good pancakes.” keonho chimed as he got up and grabbed his phone, scrolling fast as he yawned as well. he looked effortlessly good even like this, seonghyeon thought. this time it wasn’t his jealousy speaking, but a quiet admiration.
“yeah alright. is anyone else home?” seonghyeon asked, still not fully checked into reality as he brushed his fingers through his hair, one hand grabbing his phone as he looked down to it. he unlocked it to the twitter comment he’s closed off on yesterday. he tensed up, body going impossibly still as he sucked in a breath. he calmed down, took a deep breath in, closed the tab, and put his phone down altogether.
he immediately got reminded of yesterday, the shame rushing back to him. now that he thinks about it, keonho still hasn’t asked what happened. he’s grateful for his consideration but he also wants to tell him all of it. even if he wasn’t ready to be vulnerable in front of the other members, he feels like its as easy as breathing when it comes to keonho. he feels safe and accepted, yesterdays fiasco made him realise that. he doesn’t know whether he should bring it up or wait for keonho to ask. he feels like he’s being a burden if he brings it up first, so he’ll wait until keonho asks him.
“uhh i don’t think so. i think the hyungs went thrifting, martin just sent some pics in the gc” keonho said as he flipped his phone to show seonghyeon. keonho noticed how seonghyeon froze earlier, the shakiness, the breath, he always noticed when it came to him. he saw the way he looked at his phone before his face turned colourless, replaced by a frown. keonho wanted to ask, wanted to know what was going on with seonghyeon and why he hasn’t told him anything. but that can wait, he doesn’t want to rush him. he’ll be patient until seonghyeon tells him on his own, not when hes pressured or asked for it.
seonghyeon hummed before sliding off the bed and walking out to the hallway of their dorm. keonhos eyes followed him, tracing the exposed skin at where seonghyeons shirt was ridden up, the way his shorts rode up with every step he took. keonho swallowed and lowered his eyes back to his phone.
“im gonna shower in james and juhoons bathroom. you take our one” seonghyeon said as he retreated back in to their room, grabbed a towel and a fresh pair of boxers and left again. keonho also got up, stretching as he groaned loudly, a pop coming from his back. he grabbed his own towel and made his way to the bathroom as well.
by the time keonho got out, seonghyeon was already dressed and doing his hair. he was in front of the mirror fidgeting with his hair, a loud frustrated sigh escaping him as none of the hairstyles fit the picture he had in mind.
keonho walked out with just a towel hanging low around his waist. seonghyeons eyes found him through the mirror, scanning his body, the biceps, shoulders and abs. his eyes slightly widened as it caught the thin line of hair travelling below the towel before immediately snapping his eyes back up. his breath cut short, something most people would’ve missed, but keonho didn’t. he caught it all, even the redness on seonghyeons ears. keonho smirked.
he threw on some random 90’s band t-shirt, some baggy jeans along with a nice puffy jacket. his fit was casual, nothing fancy or planned. seonghyeon dressed like a vogue magazine model. his taste in fashion was elite, even keonho relied on him for all clothing opinions. it didn’t matter where you were going when it came to eom seonghyeon, he’ll always dress his best no matter the occasion, and keonho found that oddly intriguing.
“you ready?” seonghyeon asked, finally half-satisfied with a hair style he didn’t have the energy to do again as he turned around, eyes not quite meeting keonhos, the red flush still faintly present along his face and neck.
“yeah. lets go before its crowded” keonho yawned, the sleep still present even after a warm shower. seonghyeon nodded and grabbed his things as he followed keonho out.
the diner was busy, as expected of such a popular place. they managed to get a table in the back, nice and quiet, just how they liked it. they ordered 2 stacks of nutella pancakes and a milkshake for seonghyeon. a bit heavy for breakfast sure, but it was their day off and they couldn’t bother for diets right now.
seonghyeon was hesitant to order at first, just blankly staring at the menu, biting his lips nervously. keonho noticed, because of course he did, and told him to order whatever he felt like eating. he reassured him that one unhealthy meal wasn’t going to do anything to him.
as they waited for their order, keonho observed seonghyeon. his mind kept going back to yesterday, the way seonghyeon turned his phone off looking shaken, just like earlier this morning. he slowly started piecing it together.
the weird changes in seonghyeons diets, the isolation and extra time he’d put in after practices. one day he’d eat a lot, the next he wouldn’t even look at food. keonho noticed more and more how often seonghyeon made excuses whenever they made plans, always on about how tired he was or how he wanted to practice more.
at first keonho didn’t mind it, he believed seonghyeon. that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried, though. he couldn’t shake off how off seonghyeons was being, but he also didn’t want to add extra pressure on him by asking about it. especially with the comeback coming up, he just assumed seonghyeon really was just practicing harder than others for it. he tried throwing in the “you know I’m here” and “you can always talk to me” from time to time and seonghyeon would just smile and assure him he would. he was always good at carrying things on his own, keonho admired that about him, but he also wanted him to know it was fine to rely on someone from time to time. keonho wanted to be that person for him so, so badly. why’d it have to come down to this before keonho found out? he still felt guilty for it.
he suddenly snapped out of his train of thought as the waiter came and placed their food on the table. seonghyeon threw in a small thank you and turned his eyes to keonhos.
“hey, you okay? you seemed kinda zoned out earlier. whats up” seonghyeon asked, his tone soft and worried as he stared at keonho. keonho hesitated. he needs to hear it from seonghyeon before assuming anything. he needs to know whats on seonghyeons mind, otherwise how can he help him?
“actually..is it okay if i ask you about yesterday? i mean..you don’t have to tell me now. or ever, really. I’m just worried, hyeon. these days..its like you’re barely there. i noticed. the way you disappeared in conversations, almost practiced. its like you’re a shell of a living person, not really there anymore, the spark of the seonghyeon i know gone. and..and you’ve been closing yourself off without telling me or the other members anything, it scares me. why do you have to suffer alone when theres people here for you. i’m here for you. i hate seeing you carry the hurt alone, let me carry it too. throw it all on me, i don’t mind any of it. i just want to know whats on your mind, whats making you hurt yourself. so please, please hyeon.” keonho pleaded, his throat tight as he pushed out every word his heart has been dying to say. his eyes slightly stung, the amount of hurt seonghyeon had to endure paining him as well. he didn’t know what he was begging for, he just didn’t want seonghyeon to feel alone in this.
seonghyeon stared, silence fell between them. the sound of plates and utensils clattering followed by distinct chatter humming in the space between them. seonghyeons lips wobbled as he hesitated to speak. keonho caught it and immediately shot his hands to grab seonghyeons.
“its okay, don’t say anything if its too hard on you. i didn’t say all that to pressure you, i just needed to let you know that I’m always here for you. no matter what, you can tell me anything.” keonho reassured softly as he caressed the backside of seonghyeons palms. seonghyeon swallowed, the gesture was small yet it felt incredibly comforting. he sighed before opening his mouth.
“no keonho, you deserve to know. i know i’ve been acting weird, and i’m sorry i made you and everyone else worry. every time i said i was okay, i secretly wished you guys would push me until i got it out. i wanted to speak up, but i just felt so pathetic. everyone has their own shit to deal with and i just didn’t want mines to add to it. i just…i wanted to be perfect.” seonghyeon sighed, his eyes slightly tearing up. keonho nodded, hand still firm on seonghyeons as stayed quiet, taking in every word as he waited for him to continue.
“i checked fan comments. the good ones, the bad ones. and i let it all..consume me. i wanted them to like me, and i didn’t know how to because no matter what i did, nothing pleased them. it worked for a while, they were quiet after every change i made. but then someone would point something out and other people would too. i can’t even eat well anymore without a weird anxiety making me feel nauseous all the time. i always waited until after everyone was asleep before i..” seonghyeon paused, a tear falling as his lips trembled “i gagged myself and..and it hurt but i couldn’t stop myself. i was suffering and yet i couldn’t help but check those comments anyway. and when i did, it ruined me. i knew how wrong it was, i was aware of how it was affecting me. but at some point, it felt good. and i guess i enjoyed the good more than the bad, so i endured it. but yesterday..yesterday it just..all the hurt i’ve been burying caught up to me and i just broke. I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” seonghyeon aired out, tears falling freely now. keonhos throat was tight. he had expected the reasons already, but hearing the words come out of seonghyeon himself made it hit even harder. his chest tightened seeing seonghyeon, the boy he knew as lively and fun, going through more than he ever should’ve.
“don’t be sorry hyeon. i’m more than happy to lend you a shoulder to cry on. you have nothing, and i mean nothing to apologise for. you worried about others before yourself, that says a lot. I’m sorry i didn’t ask more. i should’ve known and stepped in before it got worse. i’m a horrible friend and roommate for not doing something sooner. you didn’t deserve any of that seonghyeon.” keonho reassured, eyes stuck on seonghyeon as a tear fell from his own eye. seonghyeon looked into those eyes and finally let himself loose. he felt safe with keonho, he trusted him more than anyone. sitting here talking to him already made his shoulder feel lighter. seonghyeon smiled, soft and vulnerable. keonho returned that same smile, somehow even softer.
“alright I think we should get out of here before i start straight up sobbing. lets talk when we get back” seonghyeon said as he wiped his tears, one hand still embraced my keonhos.
“yeah, eat up. sorry for making you cry out here..i didn’t plan on ‘the talk’ going like this.” keonho said, a small huff coming out as he chuckled. seonghyeon laughed too, small but there. keonho loved it, loved the sound more than anything. he smiled wide, eyes softening at the sight in front of him. seonghyeon noticed, his cheeks flushed with a light pink.
“you’re staring. stop or i won’t eat” seonghyeon mumbled as he grabbed his utensils and dug into his pancakes. he’s so cute, keonho thought. he then took a bite of his own food, smirking as he looked at seonghyeon.
“sorry, sorry. i can’t help it.” keonho said, immediately taking account to the shade change of seonghyeons cheeks from light red to dark almost instantly. keonho laughed and seonghyeon coughed, pouting as he continued eating his pancakes. he seriously missed hanging out with his best friend like this. he doesn’t remember the last time they’d gone out without work being tied to it. the silence between them was comfortable, a warmth buzzing between them as they ate peacefully. he couldn’t help smiling to himself, he was just so happy.
they ate slowly and packed their things as they paid and left. they took the longer way back to the dorm as a way of spending more time out together. they pointed out thrift shops they wanted to visit and cute dogs they saw along the way. keonho wouldn’t quit taking his time to stop and pet every dog on the street. seonghyeon found it cute how much keonho adored them. after all, he’s like a puppy too so its natural he gets along with them so well.
they continued walking, the air between them soft as they strutted, shoulders brushing every few seconds. they stopped to their dorm and got inside, sounds of keys rattling and footsteps flooding in. there was still no sign of the hyungs, they must still be out. keonho was grateful, that meant he could easily get seonghyeon alone and talk to him comfortably.