Chapter Text
Melissa stared at the message Shauna had sent her, reading each word over and over until the glowing letters blurred together. Time was slipping away, the relentless march of the clock warning her that her shift was about to start, but she couldn't tear her eyes from the screen.
Merry Christmas, baby.
Are you busy today?
I want to see you, spend the afternoon with you...
At the same time, she couldn't bring herself to believe the words. Her nightmare...
Her fingers trembled over the glass. The cursor blinked steadily, echoing the erratic, frantic rhythm inside her chest. From the edge of her vision, she watched the grand entrance of the hotel. The indifferent stream of people beginning their day wrapped in the Christmas spirit, completely unaware of the quiet shipwreck unfolding just a few steps away.
The cheerful Christmas tunes blasting from the reception speakers grated against her nerves, making focus impossible. A heavy shadow hung over her face, and her steps were slow, almost reluctant. It felt as though the lingering terror of her nightmare had hollowed her out, stripping away every drop of drive she possessed.
This was supposed to be her paradise.
It was a job in paradise, one that used to fill her with pure joy. It gave her the chance to help others while savoring the ocean, its rhythmic roar, and its salty scent as she worked. It was a place that allowed her to live entirely in the moment.
More than that, it was where she had first met Shauna. That encounter had not merely kindled an intense, undeniable spark; it had rescued her from an old, silent despair. And now, in a cruel twist of fate, Melissa was the one suffocating, drowning in the very ocean that had once given her life.
She took a slow breath and wiped away the tears gathering in her eyes. She lifted her phone, her thumb hovering briefly before typing. Feeling entirely hollowed out, numb to the bone, she sent a brief reply:
Sorry, I can't. My shift is starting now.
Without giving herself a second to wait for a response, she turns the phone off. She headed toward the staff locker room, unzipped her backpack, and crammed the phone deep into its bottom compartment. It settled right next to a rolled blunt, her promised reward for surviving the day, a small attempt to quiet her racing mind by the water later that night.
She straightened her uniform and walked toward her station. As she moved, she silently prayed for a relentless, busy day. Even though the air was slightly cooler than usual, she hoped the Caribbean warmth, the bright sun, and the inviting water would pull crowds outside.
She prayed for non-stop poolside activities, for families crowding the loungers, for endless orders to fulfill. She begged the universe for anything that would demand every ounce of her attention, anything to prevent her thoughts from wandering back to her.
For at least the first half of her shift, the distraction worked. The hotel was buzzing with life: energetic dance classes by the pool, kids laughing and splashing through organized games. From down on the shore, the steady swell of the ocean mingled with the echoes of people having the time of their lives. The cheerful noise of volleyball games drifted through the air, and off in the distance, she could see people gliding along the crests of the waves on bodyboards.
That fleeting peace shattered the moment she heard the raucous laughter of a group of intoxicated men. She did not need to look to recognize them. Tossing their towels carelessly onto reserved loungers, they launched themselves into the pool, blatantly ignoring every resort rule. It felt like a sickening rerun of past troubles, a scene threatening to unravel her fragile composure.
That peace held, right up until she heard the group of drunk men. She didn't even need to look to know who they were. Tossing their belongings onto the lounge chairs, they cannonballed into the pool. It felt as though history was about to repeat itself.
So, Melissa decided to ignore them this time. No matter what happened, no matter what they did, whether they splashed, pushed, or made a scene, she wouldn't look. At least, that's what she told herself. No matter who was around...
Until she heard a familiar voice softly say, “Hey, there you are.”
Melissa froze. A cold shiver rushed down her body, locking her in place.
She was completely unprepared for this. She couldn't handle the suffocating web of confusion tightening around her chest, the agonizing mental loop between feeling like a disposable holiday fling and clinging to the delicate romantic fantasies she had built around her crush.
When she failed to turn around, she felt the gentle pressure of a single finger touching her bare shoulder, giving her two delicate, deliberate taps. The heat of that brief contact burned through her skin.
Swallowing hard, she took a steady breath, forced a smile, and let out a quiet laugh.
“Hey,” Melissa replied.
“Hey, I saw your message, so I decided to stop by and say hi.” Shauna sounded completely at ease, as if she were utterly untouched by the weight of overthinking.
“Yeah, well... here I am. Working at the hotel,” Melissa answered, trying her best not to let any sarcasm slip into her voice.
“Yeah, I know. I really wanted to see you, and I thought maybe we could talk for a bit until...” Shauna's voice trailed off, her eyes searching Melissa's face with genuine warmth. But Melissa forced herself to look away. Looking directly into those eyes was dangerous; it would melt her resolve, break her defenses, and drag her back into the deep currents of something unknown, and she was terrified of getting hurt.
“I'm sorry, but I really shouldn't be talking to you. To a guest,” Melissa interjected, seizing upon professional boundaries like a shield. The irony cut deep: only days ago, she would have invented any excuse just to cross paths with Shauna, to steal a shared glance or admire her from afar. Now, surrounded by her own mental chaos, proximity felt like a threat.
“Oh... right. A guest,” Shauna said, caught off guard.
Melissa offered a faint, polite smile and pointed to her uniform. “Mmm, yeah. Remember? I actually work here.”
“Well, you're right, I don't want to get you into trouble. Can I see you later?” Shauna suggested softly her tone carrying a gentle warmth that made it sound like she genuinely meant it.
“Mhm” Melissa nodded, knowing she would do everything possible to avoid her once her shift was over. She had no intention of turning her phone back on for any reason after work, nor for the rest of the night, wishing deep down that none of this had ever happened.
She turned her back before Shauna could answer, refusing to watch her walk away.
The hours stretched on, agonizingly slow. It felt as if eyes were pinned to her back, as if the group of friends were intentionally pushing buttons, breaking every rule just to force her to look. The noise of her friends' laughter echoed across the deck, and she could still catch lingering traces of Shauna's perfume, the exact same scent that had hovered over her bed when she woke up from her nightmare.
When her lunch break finally came, she couldn't help but run. She powered on her phone, hiding in the farthest restroom in the hotel in search of privacy, and dialed the number.
She listened to the line ring, over and over, until a warm, loving voice picked up.
“Hi, sweetie. You're calling early, I thought I'd have to wait until tonight.”
“Mom, I felt like I'd never hear your voice today.”
“Don't exaggerate, honey. We spoke this morning.”
“Mom, I miss you so much. It's Christmas, and I should be right there with you.”
“I know how you feel, sweetie. But it brings me joy knowing you're happy. It took me a while to understand it, but you've told me so much and sent so many photos of those enchanting places, of you and your friends happy on the island, that I get it now.”
“Mom, but...”
“You must just be feeling a little down. Holiday melancholy is completely normal. But it will pass, my darling. Soon we'll plan a trip and see each other. I'll hold you close, and you can take me to experience everything you've told me about.”
“Are you really coming? You promise?”
“Yes, I've been thinking about it... Well, I miss you terribly, I won't lie. So, what do you think?”
“Yes, please, Mom. If it were up to me, I'd leave right now.”
“No, you're not going to end your dream just because of one bad day.”
“Mom, you don't understand.”
“Listen to me, Melissa. Sometimes in life... you just must swim while you're drowning. You keep moving, you reach for the shore. You don't sit back waiting for someone to drag you out of the water. You save yourself by swimming all the way to the edge. Let the sea wash away your sorrow, let the sun fill you with energy, and let the sand bring you back to the earth, reconnecting you with what you love. Let the sound of the wind soothe you.”
“Thank you, Mom,” Melissa whispered, tears finally breaking free and tracing hot lines down her cheeks. “I really needed to hear your voice.”
“Now, tell me, what are you doing to celebrate tonight?”
“Besides finishing my shift? Well, the girls and I are staying at the apartment. We'll exchange gifts and put on a movie.” She didn't care to mention that the real plan involved getting high and drunk.
“Well, Merry Christmas, my sweet girl. I'll hold you close soon.”
“Goodbye, Mom.”
Melissa hung up the call, resting her forehead against the bathroom door, breathing slowly as tears rolled down her cheeks. She stepped out and washed her face at the sink, repeating her mother's words like a mantra: let the sea wash her clean, let the sun restore her energy, let the sand ground her once again.
She turns off her phone once more and returned to her shift. After that conversation with her mother, time seemed to fly by. She did everything she could to avoid running into Shauna or her friends again.
When her shift finally ended, with the sun sinking low into twilight, she quietly slipped away toward the shore. There, she did exactly what her mother had suggested. Stripping down to her sports bra, she waded into the water, leaving her shirt tucked beside her hat and backpack.
She swam with powerful strokes, cutting through the swell as if trying to outrun her own thoughts, outrun the terrifying weight of her overthinking. She swam while her life felt like it was suffocating under the weight of her own doubts: At what point did I get everything so wrong? Was it just me? Did I fool myself into building this entire illusion on my own?She pushed forward until her lungs burned and she finally broke through the surface, drawing in a deep, long breath.
She floated on her back, feeling the gentle crust of salt settling on her skin, yielding entirely to the ocean. She let the sun's fading rays give her one final kiss of warmth.
Stepping out onto the shore, she felt noticeably lighter. She let the evening breeze dry her body before collapsing onto the soft sand.
She reached into her bag, pulled out her blunt, and lit it, taking long, rhythmic drags.
Closing her eyes, she surrendered to the high as it washed over her like a weightless dream, the sea, the sand, and the wind weaving a hypnotic spell around her.
A few minutes into that twilight haze...
She felt the sand give way beside her, the soft weight of footsteps followed by the shift of someone sitting down by her side.
A quiet voice cleared its throat. “Why do I feel like you're avoiding me today?”
Melissa opened her eyes from her hazy trance and turned her head. “Avoiding you? Are you sure it isn't the other way around? I would never ignore you.” She looked at Shauna, sitting up to face a conversation that suddenly felt completely unavoidable.
“Why would I avoid you?” Shauna asked softly. “I texted you this morning, I showed you I cared... I came looking for you today.”
Melissa let out a low, bitter laugh, mostly to herself.
“Melissa... I...” Shauna's voice trailed off, heavy with sadness.
“You really don't know what this feels like, do you?” Melissa murmured.
“Why do I feel like there's something you're not telling me?” Shauna asked, genuinely lost.
Melissa turned her eyes toward the endless ocean, gathering her courage. “It's easy for you to say that when I'm nothing more than a vacation distraction for you. Maybe a game?”
“That's not...” Shauna tried to interrupt.
“A distraction while you're at your resort with your friends, escaping whatever miserable life or problems you left back home,” Melissa said, her words burning with raw intensity. “Fulfilling a temporary need, thinking only of yourself, only to pack up and leave when you get tired of it. Going right back to your perfect life while leaving me right here, completely alone with nothing but memories.”
“What? Who told you I haven't thought about that?” Shauna replied, her voice raw. “Who says it won't hurt me if I never see you or talk to you again?”
“I was happy,” Melissa said, her words torn between deep hurt and rising frustration. “I loved my job. I didn't have any of this chaos. I was living a peaceful, normal life. Until...”
“Until you saved me? What happened, do you regret it?” Shauna asked, taken aback.
“No, never,” Melissa admitted instantly. Deep down, she knew that meeting her and talking with her had been the brightest, most intoxicating moment of her life. But she felt furious with herself for escaping one hell only to step into uncharted territory, opening her heart to something that could easily break her. All she was trying to do was protect herself.
“So?” Shauna asked.
“Why won't you let me get to know you? Because I feel like this is just superficial, like the moment you leave, it'll all just vanish.” Melissa pressed softly.
“Melissa...” Shauna started.
“No, let me finish,” Melissa cut in, her eyes locked onto hers. “I know I've only known you for a few days. But I really do want to know you, no matter if you leave and never talk to me again. I just can't pretend everything is fine like this. I feel such an intense, terrifying connection with you. I've opened to you in a way I never have with anyone else.”
“Me too,” Shauna admitted softly.
“But at the same time, it feels like my days are numbered because you're leaving soon, and you haven't told me what your plan is,” Melissa continued, unable to stop the torrent of words pouring from her soul. “What am I supposed to expect? What do you even want from me? Does any of this matter to you?”
“Melissa, you saved me,” Shauna said gently, reaching out to touch her arm. “I can't just let you slip out of my life that easily.”
“I know I saved you. I got myself into this situation. Then I followed you into the bar. I let you into my home. I've been open with you.”
“You saved more than just my life, and I've been talking to you for the past few days... I really like talking to you,” Shauna answered softly.
“Then why won't you let me in? I feel like you won't let me know you on a deeper level. It's not like you have to tell me your whole life story. It's not an interrogation, but what do you like to do? What are your goals? What makes you happy?” Melissa spoke without stopping, because deep down she knew she wanted to try, even if it ended up hurting. Hearing Shauna's answer would mean everything to her, even as she realized she was overthinking, completely trapped inside her own head.
“But I have asked you things,” Shauna said, visibly confused.
Melissa cut in. “Yeah, simple things about how I speak Spanish and the places I like while I took you on our date. But the core of everything was mostly just kisses and lingering touches, and I need more. Do you care to know more about me? I don't want to pressure you, I just want...”
“I know, I realized that when we cuddle in your bed,” Shauna admitted. “I really want to know you. It isn't just curiosity. It isn't a distraction.”
“Then what do you want this to be?” Melissa whispered, tears threatening to spill. “What happens when the day comes that you must leave? Will you finally open up to me? Will you let me get to know you even more?”
Shauna parted her lips to answer, her eyes filled with something unspoken...
A powerful wave broke with a heavy crash, dissolving into the wet sand.
Melissa gasped, snapping awake as the cool ocean tide crept up the shore, soaking her feet and ankles.
She had fallen asleep, and the tide had already begun to rise.
It had all been a dream. Not even in her sleep could she get an answer.
She pulled her feet back, staring out at the dark water. She had tried to disconnect, to pull away, to numb the pain, but her heart couldn't deny it: she needed her. She couldn't just vanish into the night without speaking to her.
In just two days, Shauna had consumed her dreams: one nightmare shaped by her deepest fear of abandonment, and this dream born from her desperate need for honest conversation. Deep down, Melissa realized she couldn't bear to lose her, nor could she lose herself by running away. She no longer knew who was saving whom in this fragile story, but she knew she couldn't keep wasting the little time they had left. She had to keep swimming.
She walked back toward the pool area, brushing the lingering sand from her clothes.
Stepping into the warm light of the lobby, she moved with her mind lost in the internal dialogue she had just endured. She reached into her pocket, thinking about turning her phone back on during her walk home just to see if there was a message, even one, despite having completely vanished all day.
Until a shadow stepped directly into her path.
Melissa stopped dead in her tracks.
Shauna stood right in front of her, looking at her with soft, relieved eyes.
“Hey... I've been looking everywhere for you,” Shauna said gently. “I really did want to spend this Christmas with you.”