Chapter Text
It has been a couple weeks since that day, and Tim has only grown more curious (“intrusive” would be the right word, but the man wanted to pretend he had real reason for his actions) towards Jay, making points to talk to him in between filming; and it was rather easy too. The way Jay seemed to follow him like a loyal dog.
(Alex was finally back from his little vacation, and he looked only slightly saner than before. He also started hoarding Brian more often, which would’ve ticked off Tim if he hadn’t taken an interest towards the script supervisor.
It gave him a sort of dread to talk to Jay around Brian. Was it shame, that he was stalking their friend? Or was it simply Tim not wanting to share Jay with anyone else?)
So Tim concluded some things about his jaybird. One; He’s been trying to find out more about Tim longer than Tim has been doing the latter.
And Two;
He’s a horrible liar. Tim could definitely work with that.
“Tim! You’re supposed to be speaking in this scene! Are you even- ugh, my head..” Alex hissed over at the smoker, glaring for a second before holding his head in his hand.
Like it was protocol, Brian instantly went to Alex’s side, leaning in to the shorter director to have him whisper in his ear.
“Filming is over for today! I need to take him home for- for rest.” Brian gestured to the blonde, biting his inner lip. (Tim recognised that as one of his nervous habits, what exactly did Alex say to him to cause that?)
The man only hummed in response, not even bothering to be mad at Alex for his nagging as his fingers started twirling a cigarette.
Some shuffling could be heard behind Tim, footsteps growing closer until-
Huh, it stopped.
Usually, Jay (The source of the noise behind him) would aim to get at least a little closer, mumbling or sighing before sometimes striking a conversation with Tim before scattering away.
Unless, this wasn’t Jay?
No. It must’ve been, Jay always did this, why wouldn’t he today? Especially when filming got cut early…
(Why did it matter so much that the man wasn’t “on schedule”? Did he just not want to admit he’d mapped him out wrong? Or was it-)
Never mind. Instead of just arguing with himself, Tim should at least try to listen to what else was happening behind him, it might even answer his questions.
Pulling out a lighter and starting to line up the nicotine, he calmed his breaths to make out the voices behind him.
“..she really likes you though~” Tim managed to hear between the sound of nature. The voice wasn’t as high as the taller man, but not as rough as his or Brian’s. It wasn’t a voice he fully recognised, but he knew he’d heard it somewhere before.
Another voice (one Tim knew well) chuckled nervously. “I’m not really looking for a girlfriend Seth-” Ah, so that was the owner of the first voice, Tim was pretty sure that was the name of Kraile’s camera man. (Wait, what did he say?)
“It’s just one date dude, I’m not telling you to marry her,” Seth cut him off, and Tim could basically hear the teasing look on his face. “I’ve never even seen you with a girl before, so what’s the harm in letting me set you up, hm?”
A date? Jay going on a date? Of course he would never agree to that! Who was Seth to even try and force the man into one?
(And why did the idea bother Tim so much? The taller man was not something he owned, he had no right to what he did.)
(Come to think of it, Tim didn’t think he’d ever seen the script supervisor with many women, much less knowing of him dating one..
Was he also-
No, Don’t even dare to think it)
Whatever the reason was, the image of Jay getting a partner was enough for him to drop the cigarette he was smoking without realising.
Tim wasn’t going to let that ever happen.
Quietly, Tim turned around to look over to where they were standing, finding out they only were a few feet away from him, Seth looking away from Tim as he continued trying to talk Jay into some blind date.
Jay wasn’t a hard guy to read, so it only pissed off the actor more how their own friend couldn’t seem to notice the discomfort written on the brunette's face. And before Tim knew it, he was walking up to them both.
Maybe it was his newfound anger, but it didn't look like the smoker was even trying to make his presence unknown, simply pulling a (very surprised) by the arm all the way to the parking lot, leaving behind a confused Seth and giving no explanation.
“Wh-what was that for? Is today important o-or something?” the taller man rambled before adding a lot more quietly. “Are you.. mad at me?”
Tim stared at him, on the verge of disbelief at Jay for not even being able to say no to the camera man. “You were uncomfortable.” He said simply, like that explained everything.
Jay stayed silent, from not getting the actor’s point or from not being able to deny it, Tim wasn’t sure.
He sighed again before adding on. “I heard what Seth was saying, why didn’t you just tell him ‘no’ straight up? You’re not doing anybody any favors by dancing around the word.”
“I-” Jay paused, like speaking was physically hurting him. “I don’t know.”
His words were small and weak, palms nervously brushing together.
Jay really was a bad liar.
Before Tim got the chance to respond, the brunette suddenly perked up. “But you, you don’t think twice about calling out someone’s bullshit! You’re brave enough to do as you please! I.. I really admire that about you.” Jay smiled, and Tim had a feeling he was telling the truth.
And alongside his smile, his eyes (a blue usually stormed with dull paranoia), seemed to intensify in color with an almost concerning look.
Despite that, knowing Jay meant all he was saying filled him with a thick need for more, to hear his sickly sweet words all directed towards Tim.
The more he wanted this, the more Tim needed to bury that feeling down.
“You.. ‘admire’ me?” The smoker spoke through gritted teeth, hoping desperately the other would take it back.
“Of course. What is there not to?”
(No. This was wrong. Jay is wrong.Tim shouldn’t want this. He shouldn’t be eating up the other’s delusions.
Tim needed to end this, now.)
He barely hesitated before lifting up the sleeves of his flannel, revealing skin marked with cigarette burns-most old, but some very recent- that didn’t seem to end. With his arms now exposed, Tim’s wounds seemed to screech against the cold autumn air, but he didn’t care. He wanted to scare Jay away, before they got pulled into something they both couldn’t take back.
Well. The company was nice while it lasted. Tim thought dully.
Tim braced for his reaction, waiting for Jay to scream in horror at the mutilation, or ask him what the hell was wrong with him.
But he didn’t. He just kept staring with that same look, smile only slightly faltering.
“This is what I do to myself. This is why I took up smoking, Jay. Does this look ‘brave’ to you?”
Again, Jay said nothing. So Tim continued.
“I’m not someone to admire, I’m not someone you should want to be around.”
By now, Tim felt like he was hyperventilating.
Why wasn’t Jay reacting? Why was he still here?
“God damn it Jay… Just say something! Answer me!”
Finally, Jay reacted, just in a way Tim didn’t expect.
Slowly, he started walking up to Tim, smile completely back on his face as he took Tim’s hands in his own, tracing the scars on his arms like it was a sacred text.
“Yes.. I still admire you, because everything about you is good to me. The way you speak, the way you are, and even ‘this’-” Jay paused to softly circle a more recent burn on Tim’s wrist, the care put into it seemed to swirl the smoker’s mind like whiskey.
“-Is beautiful to me. Because it means you’ve suffered like me, but.. You are no anxious coward like me, and neither do you judge me like others.
I see now, that you might as well be my angel.”
Tim’s breath caught in his throat, unable to tell Jay to stop.
Because he didn’t want him to.
The feeling was just too good, not to mention that Jay was being fully sincere right now. That he truly believed what he was saying.
“So yes, I still want to be around you. And I promise I’ll make your time with me worthwhile.”
Tim wasn’t proud at how his mind seemed to think up different ways time with Jay could be “worthwhile”, and soon he felt a feeling sinking into his stomach..
He looked away from Jay, not wanting him to see the blood that had risen to his face as he scoffed.
“If that’s really what you think, then you’re too trusting for your own good.”
Jay’s tracing of his arms refused to hesitate, like he expected Tim’s words and didn’t care for the weak insult.
“Maybe, but I’d rather place that trust on you than anyone else.”
…His voice was so soft. It shouldn’t be. Jay shouldn’t direct such a feeling towards Tim from all people.
The actor finally met his eyes again, and once again drowned in that smile he wore so proudly, and those eyes still colored with emotion.
Jay really did look at him like he was something divine. Like his anger he felt towards himself when he made those burns was something to be worshipped.
(Something Jay was worshipping, as he held Tim’s arms with such reverence.
Was this love? Did Jay love Tim? In his own way, probably. But did Tim love Jay? Or did he love the way his words were given so easily to him?
He didn’t know, but he would soon.)
Tim paused. “Is that so?”
“Of course.”
“Then from now on, keep that trust on me, and me only.”