Chapter Text
The Password Is...
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On the Universal Studios Lot in Universal City, California, spotlights shone down on the set of a special episode of a classic gameshow. The updated theme music for Password pulsed through the sound system.
Stepping out from the wings as the celebrity guest host, Scott Hunter commanded the stage with easy, charismatic confidence. Looking the part of a perfect guest game show host, he held his microphone like a natural showman and smiled warmly at the main camera lens.
"Welcome, television lovers, wordsmiths, and hockey fans, to a very special night of Password," Scott began, his voice carrying an engaging, natural warmth. "Tonight, our players are competing for an incredible cause. While many of you know these guys for their work with their LGBTQ+ youth hockey camp, tonight's game is dedicated to raising funds and awareness for the Irina Foundation."
Scott paused, allowing the tone in the studio to soften into a moment of genuine, respectful gravity.
"For those who don't know, the Irina Foundation focuses on vital mental health resources and suicide prevention support," Scott explained, looking out across the audience. "It’s a deeply personal mission, created by Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, in memory of his mother, Irina, who tragically lost her own battle with mental illness when Ilya was just twelve years old. We are incredibly honored to help support that legacy tonight, to make sure no one has to fight those battles in the dark on their own."
A wave of applause rolled through the studio. On stage, Ilya offered Scott a quiet nod of sincere gratitude, the ‘old man dinosaur’ chirp that would have normally been his greeting nowhere in sight.
Scott smiled, reminding himself that though the Ilya sitting in front of him now was on his best behavior, there was one interesting detail that the public wasn’t aware of: the networks had instilled a 30-second delay.
Their rationale?
A safety net.
For Ilya.
Just in case any comments he (or, let’s be real here…Hayden) made could be muted quickly to keep any looming FCC fines off of NBC.
Scott continued. "To win that big check for the Foundation, we have lined up the ultimate Password teams. It’s truly a family affair. And speaking of family, the front row is packed with family tonight."
In the studio audience the Pike children were center stage, waving at the cameras.
Ruby and Jade were hamming it up in their seats, proudly holding a huge, sparkly cardboard sign which said TEAM MOM & UNCLE ILYA.
Nearby, Arthur was sitting with his arms folded and a serious, unwavering look. He looked like a tiny hockey talent scout assessing a U20 player before the draft, a small sign reading I LOVE YOU, UNCLE SHANE lying on his lap.
Amber was seated with a smaller poster showing a drawing of a hockey goal and the words GO DAD, smiling a mega watt smile and adding in “and GO MOMMY!”as loud as she could.
“Let’s have a round of applause for our front row cheering section, everyone!” Scott exclaimed. “Now, to introduce our first team of wordsmiths…”
With a sweep of his arm, Scott gestured to the space on his left. "They are teammates when playing on the ice, best friends in the locker room, and have known each other for so long that they can almost read each other's minds. Here's Shane Hollander and Hayden Pike!"
As soon as Shane and Hayden were introduced, the audience clapped enthusiastically. Shane was already dialed in and concentrating, and had already begun tapping his foot in the usual pre-game pattern he had displayed for years. Hayden was smiling kindly, looking completely at ease under the bright lights as he waved at his kids.
"Now, Shane," Scott said, tilting a little towards the podium, "in a game which calls for complete mental synchronization, can you explain why you chose Hayden as a partner?
Shane fiddled with his microphone, his features sharp and analytical. "Well, we've known each other forever, Scott. We played together for years on the Metros and we’re back together on the Centaurs now. There’s only been one year of my career that Hayden hasn’t been by my side.”
There was a collective awwww from the studio audience as Shane continued. “On the ice I can tell exactly where Hayden is going to place the puck before he even passes it, and that kind of synchronisation continues off the ice, too. He's not just reliable; Hayden is very intelligent, devoted, and has a pretty impressive vocabulary. Since the game depends on accurate word association, his mind is the one I want synced with mine."
"That's some high praise for your partner," Scott chuckled. "Hayden, what do you think about your chances with Shane?"
Hayden smiled as he leaned into his microphone and said, "Shane's hyper-focus is well known in the NHL world. Whenever he steps on the ice, the rest of the world fades away. Winning becomes his sole focus, and that's a great advantage. I’ve known him longer than anyone except my parents, and I know how his brain works.”
“Honey, tell them the other reason Shane wanted you on his team,” Jackie interjected with a smirk.
Hayden gave his wife a look, then added “I was getting to that part, Jac.” He took a breath, glancing at Ilya like he was waiting for an incoming chirp, and continued. “Scott, you might not believe me when I say this, but I think our real team strength tonight is actually me. I have a house full of kids. I am down with modern slang, pop culture trends, and teenage jargon: something that Shane has no knowledge of. If the password calls for a touch of up-to-date style, I've got that covered."
Standing in the front row, Ruby immediately put her hands around her mouth and chirped her own father. "Dad, the fact that you're using slang is so embarrassing! It’s so cringe! You literally told us that we were gonna be bussin’ if we were late to school. I don’t think you know what that word really means!"
Right beside her, Jade nodded. "Yeah Dad, claiming you're the slang expert is majorly sus. Mom is the one who actually understands our group chats. You're completely cooked!"
Ruby had more to say. "Yeah, it's super sus that you claim to be the slang expert, Dad. It's actually Mom who has rizz and understands our group chats. You're kinda delulu ATM."
Hayden sticks out a finger at the twins in a highly amused and warning manner. "Ruby, Jade," he says, "don’t have a crash-out. You’re gonna give your unc a big yikes."
Shane leaned over to Hayden. “What the hell are you all talking about?” he whispered.
“Nothing, buddy,” Hayden whispered back, patting Shane’s hand. “It’s all buttah from here on out. We’ve got this in the bag.”
“Daddy! Don't listen to them!" Amber called out from her seat next to her brother, waving her sign in an aggressive manner in order to pull the attention away from her sisters. "I'm rooting for you and Uncle Shane. I think your slang is... fine!"
"Thank you, sweetheart," Hayden said, smiling at his youngest as Shane waved at Arthur. "I appreciate your confidence in your Uncle Shane and me.”
Scott smiled and turned swiftly towards his right. "We'll soon find out how that strategy measures up against the competition," he said. "The pair that Shane and Hayden are facing tonight are tough. She is a mom with the patience of a saint, and he is the Captain of the Centaurs who is dad to an adorable four-legged daughter. Let’s hear it for Jackie Pike and Ilya Rozanov!"
The studio audience burst into cheers. Ilya soaked up the applause, blowing a playful kiss to the crowd and offering a quick, warm wave to Ruby and Jade in the front row as they cheered enthusiastically. Then his sultry gaze drifted across the stage, zeroing in on Shane. Ilya looked at his husband, winked, and blew him a kiss.
Shane immediately started blushing, averting his eyes as he cleared his throat. Damn, it’s going to be hard to keep my shit together Ilya keeps looking at me like he wants to throw me down right here in front of everyone and fuck me into oblivion, he thought. I’ve got to try and keep my game-face on.
Beside Ilya, Jackie was trying not to laugh, amused with Ilya’s blatant flirting and secretly hoping that it could fluster Shane just enough to throw him off his game. She looked each of her kids in the eye, blew them kisses, and turned to Hayden to mouth the words,’you’re going down, Pike’ with a knowing wink.
"Ilya, my friend," Scott beamed, his million dollar smile on full display for the cameras. "Could you tell us about this dream team? Why did you want to team up with Jackie?"
Ilya reached for his microphone, his face lighting up with adoration for his teammate. "Hunter, look at her: Jackie is a saint. She's a goddess of beauty and grace. She is so smart and has big vocabulary like my Shane does. Her whole life, she's had to look after 15th best hockey player. The fact that she's been able to deal with Hayden Pike for more than ten years means she has patience. Is important in this game. She says I am funny, and I think she is genius. I would give her my kidney, I would level anyone who insults her in non-chirping way. She is my favorite adult Pike, hands down.”
Jackie smiled, throwing an arm around Ilya's shoulders and giving him a warm squeeze. "It's one hundred percent mutual, Scott. Ilya is a chaotic genius. People assume he’s all fast cars and chirping, but his brain is always five steps ahead of everyone else. It’s what got the Centaurs the Cup last year. His word associations will be totally unhinged because he lives to give people some shock value, and there is always truth in what he says. I’ve known him for years now, and I know precisely how his mind works. We're going to win this in honor of his mama, Scott. And in the end, that’s what really matters."
Over on the other side of the stage, Hayden cleared his throat loudly into his microphone. "I can’t believe you keep saying that I’m only the 15th best player, Rozanov. I got us the winning goal to bring home the Cup, or did you forget that little detail?"
Ilya turned his head slowly, a smug, cat-like grin spreading across his face as he looked across at his rival. "If you win a round or two of this game that my dinosaur friend Scott Hunter is hosting, I will move you up to…say…13th best MLH player, okey?"
"Oh, the chirping has started before the very first clue has even been spoken!" Scott exclaimed, laughing as he clapped his hands together while the digital game board behind them flashed the Password logo. "The teams are set, the studio audience is seated, and the Pike family down front is officially divided 2-2. Shall we play Password?"
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Scott gestured up to the hidden digital monitors that only the clue-givers could see. The word flashed onto the screens in crisp, secret white letters: AQUARIUM.
Next to the left side of the podium, Hayden read the word to himself, nodding slowly as his brain immediately shifted into strategic gear. He looked across the short distance separating him from his partner, locking eyes with Shane.
"Animals," Hayden said clearly, keeping his tone steady to avoid giving away any accidental hints.
Shane absorbed the word, his jaw tensing slightly as his mind immediately began combing through the possibilities. He tapped his fingers, thinking through habitats, categorization, and the seven main levels of biological classification. Finally, he leaned into his microphone.
"Zoo," Shane answered confidently.
"Not a zoo!" Scott called out. "Over to Team Jackie and Ilya for a nine-point steal."
Jackie looked up at the screen, thinking about what might be a good clue for her partner. She glanced over at Ilya, knowing she needed to steer him toward something structural but simple. She leaned in, giving him a hopeful look.
"Glass," Jackie said.
Without a moment of hesitation, Ilya slapped his hand down and answered, "Vodka!"
The studio was silent for a moment before Hayden let out a loud laugh. “Seriously? Is there a special kind of animal that vodka comes from, Rozanov?”
Next to him, Shane simply closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in silent resignation that his husband just gave possibly the most ridiculous Password guess in the history of the show.
Jackie blinked, an encouraging mom smile breaking across her face. She slowly turned her head to look at her partner. "Good try, Ilya. Next time, sweetie, maybe think about the clue for a second or two longer before an answer comes flying out of your mouth."
Ilya threw his hands up in the air, looking genuinely bewildered and deeply offended by her critique. "What? I am nervous! I forgot about word animals that 15th best player told my Shane. You said glass! Good vodka goes in glass! You do not drink top-shelf spirit from a plastic cup like a peasant, Jackie. Is logical word association."
The studio audience cracked up at Ilya’s reasoning, with Ruby and Jade cheering loudly and waving their glittery sign from the front row in solidarity with their Uncle Ilya's logic.
"As a bar owner, I appreciate your commitment to the importance of proper glassware when drinking vodka, Ilya. However, that answer is incorrect," Scott chuckled, shaking his head as he checked the board. "Hayden, back to you for eight points."
Hayden looked across at Shane. He realized that standard vocabulary wasn't going to cut it against Jackie's intellect, so he decided to bypass logic entirely and tap into their shared personal history: something so specific that only Shane's hyper-focused memory would know the answer to.
Hayden extended his arms toward Shane. He cupped his hands together and brought them forward in a careful lifting motion, mimicking someone passing a tiny, fragile bundle of joy into another person's arms. He held the pose, looked directly into Shane’s eyes, and delivered the clue.
"Baby," Hayden said.
Shane didn't even blink. When that word left Hayden's mouth, his eyes widened with instant recognition. He leaned into his microphone and answered Hayden without an ounce of hesitation.
"Aquarium."
The digital board let out a ding-ding-ding sound, flashing the word AQUARIUM in bright green letters. The studio audience erupted into cheers, and Amber jumped up and down in the front row, waving her sign aggressively. “Yay, Daddy! Good job, Uncle Shane!”
Across the stage, Ilya crossed his arms, staring at his Centaur teammates with disbelief. He looked completely slighted, his eyes darting back and forth between them.
"Wait, wait, timeout, Scott," Ilya interrupted. "How does his brain make this leap? From 'baby' to 'aquarium'? This is rigged. Pike, did you text my Shane in secret on Apple watch? How did my Shane know that answer with weird clues?"
Shane laughed, glancing over at Ilya, then down at the front row where Arthur was sitting.
"No texts, Ilya," Shane said smoothly into the microphone. "Just memories. See, back when we were still in a... well, let's call it a situationship, Hayden decided it would be a fantastic idea to take the three oldest kids to the aquarium. Arthur was just a baby at the time. Hayden needed a kid wing-man to help out, so I went along."
Down in the front row, Arthur was listening to his Uncle Shane attentively, a tiny grin on his face.
"The moment we passed the turnstiles into the aquarium," Shane continued, the audience growing quiet as they listened to the story, "Ruby and Jade turned feral. Ruby was chasing Jade through the exhibits. Hayden had to run after them, and he asked me to take baby Arthur while he went to chase the girls down."
Ruby and Jade giggled loudly, high-fiving each other. “That was a great day,” Ruby admitted.
"So there I am," Shane continued. "Left standing by myself in the jellyfish exhibit, holding baby Arthur. Suddenly, these two teenage girls recognize me. They got completely starstruck, ran over with their phones, and asked if they could get a picture. Right at that exact second, Hayden came back, sweating, holding the hands of the twins."
The audience was already laughing, anticipating the end of the story.
Shane grinned, delivering the story's conclusion. "The teens took one look at Hayden, assumed he was just a random stranger who happened to be standing near me, looked the Alternate Captain of the Montreal Metros in the eye and said, 'Oh, great, mister, can you hold his baby for a second so we can get a picture?'"
The studio audience roared with laughter. Hayden was grinning widely, burying his face in his hands at the memory, while up at the main podium, Scott was holding back his own laughter.
"So I handed Hayden his own baby. My baby, or so those girls assumed," Shane said simply, winking across the stage at Ilya. "And that, moy malysh, that is how you win a round of Password."
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Scott chuckled as the studio audience settled back down, gesturing up to the digital game board. "Alright, Shane and Hayden take an early lead with a brilliant trip down memory lane. Because they won the last point, they get to kick off round two. Let's look at the next secret word."
On the hidden monitors, the new word flashed into view for the clue-givers: HAT TRICK.
Shane studied the screen, locking in to what he thought would be the perfect clue for his bestie. He looked across at Hayden with all the faith in the world that they would get this on the first try. He leaned into his microphone, and said his clue with confidence.
"Three."
Hayden blinked, his mind instantly racing through a million different possibilities. Three what? Three zones on the ice? Three periods? He knew how Shane’s brain worked, but he also knew Shane was sentimental at times. His dad instinct kicked in. He grinned and fired off his guess.
"Daughters."
From the front row, Ruby, Jade, and Amber all burst into giggles.
Scott let out a warm laugh, shaking his head at the podium. "Oh, good try, Hayden! It makes perfect sense given that you have three beautiful girls, but unfortunately, daughters is not the secret word. The next turn passes over to the other side for a nine-point steal!"
Ilya snapped to attention, his eyes looking at the word on the monitor. He looked back at Jackie, his face giving a ‘we’ve got this’ look to her. He raised his right index finger, shaking it back and forth in a slow, dramatic 'no' gesture. He locked eyes with her and delivered his clue with confidence.
"Hayden."
Jackie stared at him, her eyebrows furrowing as she tried to decipher the chaos of Ilya's thought process. A 'no' gesture combined with Hayden's name? What did Hayden lack three of? What could Hayden not do? She thought about his hockey career, his milestones, and the heavy ribbing he and Ilya always gave each other. She took a shot in the dark.
"Stanley Cups?"
Scott’s eyes widened. "Wow! Okay, technically speaking, that is absolutely true! Hayden has famously hoisted three Stanley Cups in his career, so if that was the Password, you would be correct. However, remarkable as it is, that is not the correct word. Good try, Jackie!"
Across the stage, Hayden looked over at Ilya, unamused but deeply impressed by his wife’s ability to interpret Ilya’s logic. "Are you implying that I’m bad at hockey or something? Is that what the finger wag was for?"
"I am implying nothing," Ilya said not-so-innocently. "I am simply playing game with my favorite Pike."
"Alright, let's bring it back to the left side," Scott interrupted, steering the show forward. "Shane, the board is back to you for eight points."
Shane didn't let the banter distract him for a single second. He looked at Hayden with a commanding stare, leaning so close to his microphone that his voice echoed across the studio.
"Goals."
The word hit Hayden like a perfectly executed pass on a breakaway. The puzzle pieces slammed together in his mind.
Three.
Goals.
A smile spread across his face, and he pointed directly at Shane.
"Hat trick!"
The digital board let out a series of ding-ding-dings, flashing the words HAT TRICK in neon green letters as a digital animation of baseball caps danced across the screen.
The studio audience went wild with cheers. Down in the front row, Arthur quietly pumped his fist in the air, maintaining his stoic allegiance to his dad and his Uncle Shane, while Amber shook her sign so hard she almost bent it in half.
"Eight points!" Scott bellowed over the applause, clapping his hands together. "Shane and Hayden score again! Perfect synchronization of word association over there, boys. You two are in the lead by a landslide. Ilya, Jackie, you guys better start talking some serious strategy, because your opponents have all the points so far! We’ll be right back after this commercial break."
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Scott motioned to the game board, reminding the viewers at home where the game stood. "Alright, Password fans, the boys are putting on a clinic, but I can see the fire in Jackie’s eyes. Let’s move on to round three. Hayden and Shane, you still have control of the board. Hayden, you’re up to give the clue. Let's see the next word."
Behind Shane and Ilya, the hidden screens showed the next secret password: BORING.
Hayden stared at the word, his brain immediately stalling out. He needed to think of something painfully dull. His mind instantly flashed to The New Yorker, but he caught himself just in time. That was three words. If he said it, the buzzer would go off, and they'd lose the turn automatically. Think, Hayden, think. What is something mind-numbingly dull?
He racked his brain. What would Shane consider boring? Pressers? Waiting rooms? Finally, he locked eyes with Shane, hoping his partner could follow his train of thought.
"Traffic," Hayden said.
Shane narrowed his eyes, his face making a disgusted look. He absolutely detested traffic. It made him impatient, it made him tense, and it messed with his anxiety. He tried to translate the exact feeling traffic gave him into a single target word.
"Frustrated."
"Ah, sorry, no!" Scott cut in with a sympathetic grimace. "Traffic is definitely frustrating, Shane, but that is not our password. The turn goes over to the right side for a nine-point steal. Jackie, Ilya... let’s see what you do with the secret word."
The moment Jackie looked up at the monitor and read the word boring, a spark flashed in her eyes. She knew exactly how to get Ilya to say the word and get points on the board.
Jackie turned to face Ilya. She dropped her shoulders, widened her eyes into a needy gaze, put an exaggerated pout on her lips, and let out a long sigh. Mimicking Ilya's own signature brand of theatrical, dramatic melancholy perfectly, she leaned forward and groaned in a flawless, heavily exaggerated faux-Russian accent that had said this next word that would leave her mouth a million times:
"...Hollander."
Ilya’s face lit up with excitement as he yelled at the top of his lungs:
"Boring!"
The digital board played a loud ding-ding-ding, flashing the word BORING in neon green letters.
Shane burst into a fit of laughter, shaking his head and clapping for Jackie’s perfect pouty Ilya impression. He couldn’t even be mad because it was completely accurate: Ilya had called him boring at least three times a day for the last decade, and Jackie had executed the setup to get him to say the password perfectly.
Hayden, however, threw his hands up in the air, staring at Scott in mock outrage. "Oh, come on, guys! That is so unfair! Scott, are we just allowing full-on theatrical voice impressions now? Is that legal in the Password rulebook?"
Jackie looked over at the other team, flashing her husband a dazzling smile. "You’re the one who literally acted out a whole multi-character silent movie with the baby gesture in the first round, honey. You started it. We're just matching your energy."
In the front row, Ruby and Jade fell into a fit of giggles on seeing their dad's defeated expression. “Dad, you just got schooled by mom!” Jade called out.
Scott raised his hands, laughing out loud as he stepped in to arbitrate. "You know what, Hayden? Jackie has a fantastic point. Strict game show rules dictate no hand gestures, no charades, and certainly no weaponized impressions of the opposing team. But, given that whatever money is won tonight goes to the Irina Foundation to support mental health, I think it’s fine to ad lib some gestures. Team Jackie and Ilya are officially on the board with 9 points."
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Scott gave a quick game recap before starting the next round. "Alright, everyone, the scoreboard currently stands at 16 to 9, with Shane and Hayden holding a strong lead. But things are shaking up for this next round. For this word, our captains are stepping into the hot seat. Shane and Ilya, you will both be giving the clues. Because Team Jackie and Ilya won the last point, Ilya, you get to kick us off for a full ten points. Let's see the word."
The digital screens behind the guessers refreshed, revealing the next secret password: WEDDING.
Ilya looked at the monitor, staring at the secret password as his mind immediately circled back to Jackie. He wanted to give her something sweet, something that she would identify with on a personal level. What is something at a wedding that’s classic? Something that guests expect to see? Knowing how much Jackie absolutely loved to bake with the girls on Sunday afternoons, and given his own notorious obsession with eating desserts, he locked eyes with her and delivered his clue with an appreciative grin.
"Cake."
Jackie tapped her chin, her mind racing through the possibilities. Cake. There were a million directions to go with that. But knowing Ilya, she knew he was fully aware of her weekend routines. She thought of her daughters, smiled, and leaned into the microphone.
"Sunday."
"Oh, not Sunday!" Scott said. "A very original guess, but not our password. The turn passes to Shane for 9 points."
Jackie chuckled, looking across the stage. "I thought for sure you were thinking of the girls, Ilya! Scott, Ilya knows that's the twins' favorite thing for us to do as mom and daughter bonding is to bake together."
"Actually, Scott, here’s a little-known fact about that," Shane chimed in. "Ilya doesn't just know about Jackie baking with the kids. He routinely goes over on Sundays when we aren’t on the road. He joins the girls day excitement. He has a ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron he wears, and helps the girls frost the cupcakes they make."
The studio audience let out an awwww which instantly made Ilya puff out his chest with pride as a faint blush crept up his neck.
"You know what? I do like to bake!" Ilya staring into the camera. "Is no shame in a man baking with his nieces. Is fun for me! I make excellent buttercream, and I make excellent memories with the girls. You need patience and flair to be a good baker, both of which I have."
Hayden laughed out loud. “Patience, Ilya? Since when do you have that?”
“Ask your kids,15th best player. They will tell you,” Ilya called over to Hayden.
From the audience, three voices answered at the same time.
“Yeah, Dad!” Amber called out.
“Uncle Ilya is super patient with us,” Jade exclaimed.
“He loves baking with us. He even lets us lick the bowl even though I totally know he wants to,” Ruby said.
Ilya winked at Arthur. Arthur smiled at Ilya, his eyes shining and speaking multitudes.
The crowd laughed, and Scott beamed. "Hey, no judgment here, Chef Ilya! But let's bring it back to the game. Shane, the board is yours for nine points."
Shane locked eyes with Hayden. He needed to pivot away from the dessert angle to avoid confusing his partner. He thought about traditional wedding ceremony aesthetics, thinking about word association options until he settled on a classic wedding staple.
"Flowers," Shane said clearly.
Hayden narrowed his eyes. Flowers. He knew Shane wasn't exactly an expert on flowers, so any word Shane chose had to have a hidden meaning. Hayden's mind flashed back through the years, thinking about all of Shane's past secrets. A memory flooded his brain as recognition hit his eyes.
"Lily."
"Not a Lily!" Scott called out with a grin. "Over to Ilya for an eight-point steal."
Hayden groaned loudly, slapping his forehead. "Ah, come on! Scott, I swear my logic was flawless. For years, back when Shane and Ilya were keeping their relationship under wraps, Shane had Ilya saved in his contacts under a secret code name: Lily. He would meet ‘her’ in Boston, which is obviously where Ilya played. I always called her ‘Boston Lily.’ So yeah, the second Shane Hollander says the word 'flowers' to me, my brain automatically goes straight to his secret not-girlfriend: Lily."
The audience seemed to love the throwback story that Hayden shared, with collective awwww’s and clapping coming from the crowd. In his seat, Ilya took a deep breath. The teasing grin he had faded from his face, replaced by a wave of nostalgia.
Hearing the name Boston Lily aloud brought a rush of memories flooding back: the years of hiding, the quiet longing for Shane that he didn’t want to admit to having, the rushed hotel hookups whenever they saw each other, and the heavy weight of the secrets they used to carry.
Ilya looked across the stage at Shane, finding his husband already looking back at him with a softness that took Ilya out emotionally. He blew Shane a kiss. A sigh traveled through the front row as the crowd drank in the visible affection between them.
Blinking back unshed tears of nostalgia, Ilya pulled himself back to the game board. He looked at Jackie, his voice lingering in a genuinely sentimental tone as he delivered his next clue.
"Rings."
Jackie looked at Ilya, seeing the love in his face, and then she connected it to the previous clues. Cake. Flowers. Rings. The words clicked together perfectly. A beautifully sweet smile spread across her face, and she spoke softly into her microphone.
"Wedding."
The digital board let out a cascade of ding-ding-dings, flashing WEDDING in bright green as the studio audience burst into a wave of applause. With that eight-point steal, the scoreboard clicked over, putting Ilya and Jackie in the lead at 16 to 17.
Hayden didn't even care about losing the lead; he was clapping along, unable to be mad at how beautifully the round wrapped up.
As the applause began to die down, Shane tapped his microphone, his eyes visibly misty under the studio lights. "You know, Scott, since we're down nostalgia lane right now, and since we're standing on stage with Hayden and Jackie... I kind of want to address that word if I can have a moment?"
Scott leaned against the podium, his voice full of affection for the two men that he had seen fight to get to where they were today. "Go right ahead, Shane."
Shane cleared his throat, looking out at the front row where his godchildren were watching intently, and then back at some of the most important people in his life on stage right now. Then he looked at his husband. His fucking husband. "Ilya and I have officially been married for two years now. But the truth is... we've actually had three weddings."
A murmur of awwww’s and gasps rippled through the audience.
"Wedding number one," Shane said, a soft laugh escaping him, "was completely a surprise wedding. Honestly, it was more like an ambush wedding, courtesy of the front row right there."
He pointed down at Ruby, Jade and Arthur, who instantly sat up straighter, grinning proudly.
"Years ago, back before we were out with our relationship, Jackie sprained her ankle pretty badly," Shane explained. "Hayden had to rush her to the hospital to get it checked out, so Ilya and I went to the house to babysit the kids. Ilya was only visiting for 2 days, but we knew we wanted to spend that time helping out. At that point in time, the twins were around 9, maybe? And I think Arthur was 4? Amber was just a baby, so she pretty much slept the entire time we were there. The three oldest kids knew who Ilya was, but they hadn't quite figured out what my dynamic with him happened to be."
Jackie nodded fondly, remembering the day like it was yesterday.
"So, while we were sitting on the living room floor doing nails," Shane continued. "Ruby and Jade started asking questions. They looked at Ilya, then they looked at me, and they point-blank asked: 'Who is he? Is he your boyfriend? Do you love him?' And when I looked them in the eye and told them that yes, I loved him very much, their kid logic immediately took over. They looked at each other, looked back at us, and said, 'Well, if you love him and he's your boyfriend, then you should get married.' Because in their minds, that’s just what happens when you love someone."
Shane cleared his throat, his eyes shifting down to the stage floor for a second as he collected himself, a soft smile on his lips.
"So, the moment we told them we loved each other," Shane continued. "The twins decided a wedding was happening right then and there. They ran upstairs, changed into their finest dress-up clothes, and came back down with an armful of random accessories for Ilya and I to wear. I think I ended up with a neon feather boa and a top hat, and Ilya was wearing a flower tiara thing and a sparkly tie."
The audience let out a series of chuckles and soft snickers.
"Arthur was pretty young then," Shane said, glancing at his buddy and giving a wave. "He was sitting on the rug, clutching this talking Moana doll that played Moana’s theme song. The twins declared that our official wedding song would be that song: 'How Far I'll Go.' Every time they wanted music, they looked at Arthur and he hit this button on the dolls’ back. And when the music stopped, Arthur would mash the button again and again on the Moana doll's back, so our wedding ceremony was soundtracked by a repeating, 15 second clip of Disney music."
Ilya sighed, his mind going back to that day and how much it meant to both of them.
"And for the rings," Shane added, his throat tightening just a little as the memory hit him right in the chest, "the girls dug into their toy box and gave us two plastic play rings with little plastic hearts on them. They gave Ilya a purple one, and they gave me a pink one. Then we swapped rings, just like any wedding has the couple do. Those were our very first wedding rings. We stood there in the living room that day and let the kids marry us."
A few audience members sniffled and dabbed at their eyes with tissues. Shane swallowed, getting choked up himself, his composure melting away. Hayden was also in his feels. He wiped a stray tear from his eye. Dammit, I didn’t want to cry on national television like I did when we played Family Feud, he thought.
Jackie’s eyes were glistening too, a smile on her face as she leaned into her microphone to tie in the second part of the story: the legal wedding. "And then, of course, came the real wedding. Shane and Ilya had a small wedding and I wasn’t sure if the kids would be invited…”
“Ah, no. Jackie, my favorite Pike, the kids are always invited. They are family. You are family. Even 15th best hockey player is family. We love you. You were all wanted there. It made the day perfect,” Ilya interrupted. “Now that my nephew and nieces know that, please continue.”
The four Pike kids gave air hugs to their Uncle Ilya as their mom continued her story. “It meant the world to them, and to Hayden and me, that you included them in your special day. I know my kids can be a lot, and you don’t have to be as involved in their lives as you are. But you choose to be the best uncles ever. You choose to include them. You choose to love them. My favorite memory from that day is a simple one. Just looking out into the yard and seeing the kids running through the grass, happily playing tag with Anya and Chiron. And you encouraging them to have fun and make memories. As a parent, all you could ever want is to know that, if something would ever happen to you, your kids would be ok. And Hayd and I know that, without fear or reservation."
Hayden stared at his wife, openly crying. “Jesus Jac, give your husband some warning before you deliver a speech like that. I’m a mess over here. Everything you just said is true. Chirping aside, Shane and Ilya are family. And if anything would ever happen to us, babe, I know our kids would be okay because they would have their uncles. We love you guys.”
"Jackie Pike, you are going to murder me with memories. But I also have a wedding secret to tell the world. You see, Scott," Ilya chimed in, his thick voice noticeably rougher than usual, his eyes wet with unshed tears. "There is actually a third wedding. And it is one that almost nobody else knows about."
The studio fell quiet, enchanted by the story still unfolding on stage, breathless sniffing and soft gasps filling the room.
"It was right before our first wedding anniversary," Ilya said. "We had time off and were going to see a Fabian Salah concert as anniversary date. We drove from Ottawa to visit Hayden and Jackie and the kids as part of our plan, to spend afternoon together. When we were getting ready for an uncle's tea party with all the kids, Ruby heard Hayden on the phone talking to JJ."
Hayden nodded, a look of realization on his face as he remembered that weekend.
"Hayden was on the phone in the kitchen talking to JJ," Ilya explained, gesturing with one hand towards Hayden. "He was saying, 'Yeah, they are here... so good to see them. I will tell them happy anniversary for you.' Ruby hears this, and she knows what 'anniversary' means. In her head, anniversary is love, and love means wedding. So she runs to Jade, they whisper together, and then they come into the living room and tell us, 'You must have another wedding right now. They called it wedding wedding. Was so sweet.'"
Shane laughed quietly, nodding. "Ilya and I just looked at each other and said, 'Alright, let's let them marry us. Again.' We went along with all of it. Every idea the kids had, we agreed to. Jackie and Hayden sat back and let the kids take charge, though Jackie did help out a little with the logistics. But the twins did everything. And Arthur was their assistant this time."
"Oh, they did everything," Ilya said, winking at the twins. "They dress us. They do our nails. Full salon treatment, Scott! They did our hair. Put so much glitter on my face that I looked like disco ball. I loved it! Then they find all the paper in house and spend an hour ripping it into small pieces for confetti to throw at us."
The twins in the front row were beaming with pride, holding onto their sign and nodding along.
"We go out into the backyard," Ilya said, his voice quiet as he looked right at the kids. "The girls stand on lawn to marry us, and Arthur stands next to them with basket of paper confetti. They marry us right there in the yard. At the end, they are running in circles and girls throw confetti in air because they love their godfathers... and Arthur takes that old Moana doll out of his pocket and hits the button."
The audience let out another awwww, completely charmed by the love that the uncles and Pike kids obviously had for each other.
Ilya kept his eyes on the front row, his voice soft and caring as he looked at Arthur.
"Arthur, my buddy," Ilya said, eyes shiny with tears. "That backyard wedding was the day I feel like real godfather for you. You are so much like Uncle Shane: shy at first, always thinking big thoughts. That afternoon, you decided that I was okey person. You walked up, give me small handful of dandelions from grass, and slap a star sticker over my heart. Then you hold my finger for a long time and let me cuddle you."
Ilya pressed his hand against his chest, right where the sticker used to be.
"You made my heart so happy that day, Arthur. I love you so much, buddy. That is why wedding number three is my favorite."
Down in the front row, Arthur sat with his hands in his lap. He smiled and looked up at Ilya with adoration. He picked up his hands, made a heart symbol with them as he tapped them against his chest, then rested his hands back in his lap.
Hayden was crying. Jackie was crying. Shane was crying. The studio audience was crying. Scott, also in tears, had to take a moment to clear his throat. He smiled as he wiped his eyes and looked at all the faces in the room that were also as wet as his were. "Well... I don't think anyone at home is crying, because I'm definitely not crying," Scott said with a soft laugh. "Let's keep this positive energy and love going, folks. The score is 16 to 17, it's anyone’s game, and we are moving on to the next word!"
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"Alright, folks, this is it. The producers are giving me the wrap-up cue in my earpiece, which means we have time for just one final clue in the regular game. Remember, everybody is a winner tonight. No matter who heads to the final round, The Irina Foundation is walking away with at least $50,000. Let's see our final word!"
Up on the hidden digital monitors, the final secret word flashed: DINOSAUR.
Back in the clue-giving seats, Jackie and Hayden locked in. Jackie looked at the word and instantly knew she had a few different routes to take. She decided to pick one she thought would be obvious. Arthur was completely, utterly obsessed with dinosaurs. He had been since he could walk. In her mind, anchoring the clue to Arthur was the most foolproof strategy to get Ilya to say the correct word.
She caught Ilya’s eye and delivered her clue with total confidence. "Arthur."
Ilya locked his gaze onto Jackie. His brain was still swimming in the sentimentality of the backyard wedding story he had just shared. He looked at Jackie, remembered the way that Arthur had given him flowers and held his fingers and cuddled.
"Buddy!" Ilya proudly declared into his microphone.
The studio audience erupted into another collective awwww as down in the front row, Arthur flashed a smile to his Uncle Ilya. Jackie melted a little, clutching both hands over her heart.
"Oh, Ilya... that is so incredibly sweet," Jackie cooed, her eyes getting a little misty all over again. "Yes, you are his buddy and he loves you so much, but sadly, that is not the right answer."
"Yeah, sorry about that, Ilya," Scott piped in with a chuckle, shaking his head. "Incredibly sentimental, and I love the love in this room, but it's not correct. Hayden, the board passes to you."
Hayden understood Jackie's logic perfectly. He knew exactly what she was trying to do, and he knew Shane had an encyclopedic knowledge of his nephew's favorite things. Hayden leaned into his microphone, giving Shane a clue that he thought would bring the game home for them.
"Favorite."
Shane narrowed his eyes, instantly pairing the two clues together in his mind: Arthur plus Favorite. His first thought? Dinosaurs. He was talking about Arthur's favorite dinosaurs.
Shane's internal monologue went into overdrive. Okay, it’s obviously a dinosaur, but which one is Arthur's absolute favorite? Let's think. He really loves T-Rex, but T-Rex is kind of the basic choice for any kid. Arthur is not a basic kind of kid. Let's skip that one. He really likes pterodactyls because they fly, and flying reptiles are cool... wait, no. I know exactly which one it is. It's the plant-eater. The one with the hollow, trumpet-like horn crest thingy on the back of its head that it uses to blast warning signals to alert the rest of the herd to danger. What’s it called? Hmmmm… oh!
Confident that his hyper-specific brain had figured out the answer, Shane looked at Arthur and said:
"Parasaurolophus."
The studio went silent for a full two seconds. Scott froze, blinking blankly at Shane as if he had just started speaking a foreign language.
"I... what?" Scott stammered, utterly baffled. "I mean... wow, Shane, that is a very specific answer. A little too specific for a network game show. Sadly, that’s incorrect."
Hayden threw his hands up, completely exasperated. "Dude! I thought you had this!"
"Parasaurolophus is something that Arthur likes to tell me about. It’s a favorite…” Shane was cut off immediately by Hayden giving him a look. A “stop talking before you say the actual answer and let my wife and your husband win” look.
"Alright, this could be the game winner," Scott reminded the room, wiping a hand across his face as the heat of the lights and the pressure of the game had everyone on pins and needles. "Jackie, back to you."
Jackie faced forward, looking directly at Scott Hunter. A mischievous smirk spread across her face. She glanced over at the other team. Hayden and Shane were both staring at her, instantly recognizing that look. They were both shaking their heads in unison, hands up in a desperate 'no' gesture.
Jackie, don't do it, Hayden’s expression begged. Just don’t.
Ignoring them entirely, Jackie locked eyes with her husband, leaned forward, and delivered a single, devastating word towards Ilya. You bet your sweet ass I’m going there, the look seemed to say.
"Hunter."
Ilya didn't even hesitate. He burst into an explosive fit of laughter, slamming his palm down in front of him so hard that his microphone picked up some backfeed. He was laughing so hard he could barely form words, tears streaming down his face as he pointed straight at the host, his former rival now turned friend.
"Dinosaur!" Ilya yelled at the top of his lungs, seizing the chance to tease Scott with his not-so-favorite nickname.
Ding-ding-ding went the board, flashing DINOSAUR in neon green letters as the studio started to applaud.
Scott stood at his podium, his face bright red. He pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning heavily against the podium and stared at Ilya. "Come on! Seriously? I can't even go one day around you without you chirping me about being old, Ilya?"
"It is not a chirp, dinosaur Scott, it is scientific fact!" Ilya cackled into his microphone, completely unapologetic. “You are old, like a dinosaur.”
Hayden, Shane, and Jackie all leaned into their mics, explaining the lore to the amused studio audience.
“To explain for the folks that might not follow hockey, here’s why that was a perfect clue for my partner,” Jackie said.
“For years, Ilya has relentlessly referred to Scott Hunter as a "dinosaur.” At face-offs, at All-Star Games, at award shows. It’s become a thing between them,” Hayden continued.
Shane explained the rest of the chirp. “Even on X and Instagram, hell, even when we visit Scott and his husband Kip, Ilya calls him a dinosaur. He’s been chirping it right to his face and online for years. To Ilya, Scott Hunter and "dinosaur" are completely interchangeable terms.”
"You know what? I can't even be mad because it was a great clue," Scott chuckled. "And with that, the regular rounds of Password are officially ones for the books. The Irina Foundation has officially secured a massive $50,000!"
The crowd went wild.
"Now, that means our winning team, Ilya and Jackie, are moving on to our high-stakes Password Bonus Round to win even more money for the Foundation!" Scott announced, gesturing toward center stage. "But before we get into the lightning round, our studio crew needs to reset the stage, and I think a certain front row is overdue for a bathroom break and a snack."
Down in the front row, the kids started gathering their signs. Jackie waved to them lovingly as a production assistant guided the four Pike children off towards the green room to relax and refuel.
As the kids exited the studio, a shift in energy passed over the stage. With her children safely out of earshot, Jackie breathed a sigh of relief, a chaotic gleam in her eyes. Without the kids in earshot, she smiled at the knowledge that the stage was wide open for the chaos that Ilya was about to bring to the bonus round.
As for Jackie? Well, she was thrilled to be along for the ride.
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Scott guided Jackie and Ilya to center stage, where two armchairs faced each other.
"Alright, Jackie and Ilya, welcome to the bonus round. This game is called Alphabetics," Scott explained. "Ten words, sixty seconds continuous on the clock. Tonight, your run of ten letters starts with the letter G, meaning every single password will go in alphabetical order from G all the way to P. Jackie, you're giving the clues. Ilya, you're guessing. Are you two ready?"
Jackie adjusted her posture, a determined grin flashing on her face. "Oh, I am more than ready. Let's do this."
Ilya leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, staring at her with intensity. "Bring it, Jac."
"Put sixty seconds on the clock," Scott called out, gesturing to the clock overhead. He stepped to the side, then took a breath. "Your time starts... now!"
The clock began its countdown.
The first word popped up on the screen in front of Jackie: GLASSES.
Without missing a beat, Jackie locked eyes with Ilya and fired off the first clue. "Eyes."
"See!" Ilya shouted immediately.
"No," Scott said over the mic, the clock ticking down.
Jackie didn’t waste a single breath. She pivoted instantly, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "Shane."
Ilya’s brain scrambled at lightning speed. Shane? G-word? Eyes? He instantly thought of his husband's big brown bottom boy eyes. "Brown!"
"No," Scott said again.
Over on the sidelines, Shane immediately covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking as a ripple of knowing laughter broke out among the studio audience. He knew the answer. It was one of the accessories that Shane wore and Ilya loved. The question was this: how long would it take Ilya to say the right word?
The clock continued its countdown.
Jackie leaned forward, a smirk playing on her lips. With the kids safely out of the room, she dropped her mom filter, her voice lowering to a dramatic, smoky tone. She knew Ilya had a kink for Shane and his glasses, and knew that this next clue might be a winner.
"Sexy."
Ilya’s eyes went wide. The puzzle pieces of his brain snapped together, his mind instantly flashing to a very specific, deeply private mental image of his husband wearing his reading glasses in bed.
Glasses start with G, he realized. A triumphant grin split across his face as he yelled out the answer.
"Glasses!"
Ding! The digital board flashed green, instantly advancing to the letter H as the clock seamlessly ticked down past 54 seconds, the crowd cheering while the game kept moving at breakneck speed.
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The word flashed on Jackie’s screen: HOCKEY.
She didn’t even need a millisecond to think about this word. She looked right at Ilya and fired off a clue. "Sport."
"Hockey!" Ilya yelled instantly, barely letting the word ‘sport’ leave her mouth.
Ding!
The green light flashed on the board, the crowd let out a cheer, and Scott grinned at how effortlessly Ilya had figured out that clue. The clock kept going, rolling past 52 seconds as the digital screen swapped over to the letter I.
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The new password lit up on Jackie’s screen: IBIZA.
Jackie immediately locked eyes with Ilya, throwing out a hint based on he and Shane’s most recent trip. "Honeymoon."
Ilya didn’t even pause to process the concept of a romantic getaway. His hockey-wired brain defaulted to his natural habitat, and there was one word that was synonymous with his sport that started with the letter I. He barked into the mic, "Ice!"
A giant wave of laughter rippled through the studio audience, but the clock, of course, didn’t care.
Jackie didn’t let the laughter break her focus. She gave a different clue. "Island."
Ilya’s eyes darted around, completely panicked now. He knew they needed an 'I' word, but his brain was stuck. Having no idea what else to say, he yelled the same answer into the microphone a second time, "Ice!"
"No," Scott called out as the clock ticked down.
Jackie dug deep, throwing out the ultimate geographical clue. She locked eyes with Ilya and emphasized the word. "Spain."
A light bulb went off in Ilya’s head. He threw his hands in the air and screamed into his microphone:
"Ibiza!"
Ding!
The green light flashed, the crowd erupted into cheers, and the game clock transitioned past 37 seconds as the digital screen switched over to the letter J.
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The screen in front of Jackie lit up with the next secret word: JELLY.
Capitalizing on an absolute classic food pairing that required zero overthinking, Jackie locked eyes with Ilya and threw out the ultimate one-word setup. "Peanut…"
"Jelly!" Ilya barked back instantly, a triumphant grin on his face before she could get to a second clue and add in the word ‘butter’.
Ding!
The green light flashed on the board, the crowd let out a burst of cheers, and Scott pointed a finger at the scoreboard as it updated. The clock was at 35 seconds, and the digital screen flashed over to the letter K.
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The new password lit up on Jackie’s monitor: KITTEN.
Jackie reacted instantly, throwing out a broad term to get Ilya in the right frame of mind. "Animal."
"Koala!" Ilya shouted, firing off the most obvious 'K' animal his brain could think of.
"No," Scott called out as the clock ticked down.
Jackie's smirk returned. She knew exactly how to connect the password with Ilya, thanks to his adoration for his husband. She locked eyes with her partner, dropped a hand over her heart, and delivered the clue. "Shane."
Ilya’s face went soft, a look of recognition erasing his panic. Forgetting the cameras, the audience, and the fact that they were broadcasting live on national television, he leaned into his microphone and beamed.
"Kitten!"
Ding!
The green light flashed on the board. Over on the sidelines, Shane's face turned bright red. He buried his face in his hands, groaning out loud as a wave of delighted, highly amused awwww’s and cheers erupted from the studio audience for what seemed like the millionth time. Ilya had just broadcasted one of his most intimate pet names to millions of viewers, and he was slightly mortified, but also impressed that Jackie had the sense to remember that fact.
The game clock ticked past 29 seconds as the screen moved on to the letter L.
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The secret password flashed onto Jackie’s screen: LICK.
Knowing Ilya's love of sweet treats, Jackie immediately tried a literal, food-based clue to guide him to the right answer. She locked eyes with him and fired off the clue.
"Lollipop."
Ilya’s mouth moved faster than his logic, completely forgetting the alphabetical rule in his excitement. "Candy!"
"Doesn't start with an L," Scott called out over the mic as the clock ticked down.
Jackie pivoted, staying firmly in the dessert frame of mind to see if Ilya could get on the same train of thought. "Ice cream."
Ilya’s face twisted in concentration. He knew it had to be an L-word this time, so his brain aggressively searched for any ice cream flavor starting with an L. He leaned into the mic and said, "Lemon!"
Jackie realized the sweet treat lead wasn’t working, so she switched tactics entirely to something she was glad the twins weren't around to hear. She dropped her voice a little, stared Ilya down, and said a word. "Tongue."
Ilya’s expression shifted towards something inappropriate. His mind bypassed the game show entirely, wandering straight into a private memory of how much he loved to casually suck on his husband's tongue, among other things. Lost in his own thoughts, he blurted out an answer.
"Love!"
"No," Scott said as the clock dropped to 22 seconds.
On the sidelines, Shane was trying to hide his embarrassment. Hayden threw his hands over his face, groaning loudly. "Oh my God, why is everything about sex with you two?"
Jackie, however, decided to go there. She knew exactly where Ilya's brain just went, and she knew precisely how to use it to her advantage. She sharpened her gaze and hit him with the ultimate trigger word.
"Shane."
Ilya snapped out of his daze, pointed at his husband, and blurted out his favorite L thing to do with his husband into his microphone:
"Lick!"
Ding!
The green light flashed on the board, the crowd erupted into a mix of wild cheers and hysterical laughter, and Jackie's face held an all-knowing look. The digital screen instantly flipped over to the letter M as the game clock effortlessly transitioned to 20 seconds remaining!
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The countdown clock kept ticking away: 20... 19... 18...
The next password lit up on Jackie’s screen: MINE.
Jackie decided to test Ilya's grasp of relational logic, hoping he could follow her train of thought. She locked eyes with him and fired off a pronoun.
"Yours."
Ilya, completely blanking on the alphabetical rule once again in the heat of the moment, instantly shouted the first thing that he connected to Jackie. "Hayden!"
"No, it needs to start with an M," Scott reminded Ilya as the clock showed 16 seconds left.
Jackie didn’t let up. "Shane," she said.
A flash of clarity hit him. Against all odds, the abstract mechanics of the game finally clicked into place in his brain. If Hayden belongs to Jackie (yours), then Shane belongs to me, he thought. And the word has to start with M. He smiled at his husband, blew him a kiss, and blurted out his answer.
"Mine!"
Ding!
The green light flashed.
"Wow, look at that! He is officially getting the hang of the game!" Scott yelled over the crowd's delighted cheers.
The digital screen moved over to the letter N, the clock ticking down to 14 seconds remaining as they headed into the final stretch of the game.
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The secret password lit up on Jackie’s screen: NECKLACE.
Jackie looked at the word, and for a split second, she hesitated. She knew this next clue, if she said it out loud, was going to pierce straight through the fun, chaotic atmosphere of the game show and hit Ilya somewhere deeply personal. But with the clock ticking away, she chose the one word she knew would hit him in the feels. She looked at Ilya, her eyes softening into something maternal, and spoke clearly into the microphone.
"Irina."
The sudden mention of his late mother's name hit Ilya like a punch in the gut. The playfulness that he held most of the game vanished from his face. His posture stiffened, and a raw, vulnerable wetness clouded his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. His voice dropped into a quiet, thick rasp.
"Mother."
"No," Scott said gently as the clock dropped down to 12 seconds. Damn, Jackie, he thought. That was a brutal clue. As someone who has also lost their mother, that was brutal.
Jackie kept her gaze locked on Ilya, guiding him the rest of the way with fierce, loving intent. "Cross."
The connection triggered instantly. Without a second thought, Ilya’s left hand automatically went to his collarbone, his fingers curling tightly around the small, familiar piece of gold resting against his skin. He looked at Jackie and said what was resting there around his neck.
"Necklace."
Ding!
The green light flashed on the board, securing the point and advancing the screen to the letter O with exactly 10 seconds left on the clock.
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The entire studio audience seemed to hold its breath. Ilya didn’t let go of the cross on his necklace. His thumb gently traced the edges of the metal, his chest rising and falling as he took a deep breath.
Over on the sidelines, the camera caught a glimpse of Shane. He was crying, his eyes pooling with thick, heavy tears as he watched his husband touch the only thing he had left of his mother. Shane knew, just like the hockey world and the rest of the public knew from interviews about the Irina Foundation, that the gold cross Ilya wore was the single most valuable thing Ilya owned. Seeing him touch it on national television and cry at the memory of his mother made Shane want to run out and hug his husband.
Jackie offered Ilya a tender nod from her chair, willing him a silent 'I'm sorry, but I knew you'd get it’ look.
Ilya blinked back his tears, cleared his throat, and gave a nod back to her. The emotional moment passed as quickly as it arrived, his desire to win money for the charity named in honor of his mother pushing him on. He dropped his hand from his chest and leaned forward, locking back onto Jackie's eyes.
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The digital board flashed with the letter O as the clock blinked the final seconds in bright red neon lights.
The screen in front of Jackie showed the next password: ORGANIZED.
With 10 seconds left on the clock, Jackie didn’t have a nanosecond to waste. She leaned forward, her voice switching into full hyper-speed mode.
"Neat."
"Orgasm!" Ilya yelled back, desperately firing off the first 'O' word that entered his brain.
Offstage, it looked like Shane wanted to melt into the floor.
Fucking hell, did he really just say orgasm on network television?, he thought.
"No," Scott said as the clock passed 9 seconds.
Jackie shifted gears, pulling from Shane’s highly specific personal habits. "Lists."
"Shane!" Ilya shouts automatically.
A burst of laughter echoed from the crowd, because the letter was O, and Ilya had completely thrown the alphabet rule out the window again in his panic.
With the clock hitting 8 seconds, Jackie didn’t try to correct him: she used his answer. She repeated his guess with extra emphasis. "Shane."
Ilya’s brain looped back to the earlier rounds of the game, remembering how they all roasted his husband's incredibly structured, detail-oriented lifestyle. He shouted, "Boring!"
"Boring," Jackie affirmed instantly, keeping the conversational chain locked in, saving precious seconds.
Ilya’s mind was racing. Wait, he remembered. It has to start with O.
Neat.
Lists.
Shane.
Boring.
Is not orgasm.
Shane's lists, his neatness, his beautifully structured boring habits all pointed to one definitive O word.
"Organized!"
Ding-ding-ding!
The digital board flashed green, the crowd went wild, and the clock continued its countdown with 6 seconds remaining.
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The digital board flashed the last letter: P.
The final secret password lit up on Jackie’s monitor: PUCK.
At this point, Ilya was in panic mode. His adrenaline was surging, the clock was almost at 0, and he wanted to win. For his mother. For the Foundation.
He glanced over at Shane, his husband’s collar slightly loosened, looking at Ilya with love and encouragement.
Ilya had exactly one thing on his mind that he wanted when they got home. And knowing that the password had to start with the letter P, his one-track mind took control.
Jackie locked eyes with him. "Score!"
Ilya didn’t pause. even blink. "Penis!"
A gasp rippled through the studio audience.
On the sidelines, Shane buried his face in his arms.
How! How is this getting worse than orgasm. What an asshole!, Shane thought to himself.
The clock ticked down to 5 seconds.
Jackie tried again. She leaned forward, waving her splayed hands in front of her. "Net!"
Ilya, still staring directly at his blushing husband, doubled down. "Penis!"
"No!" Scott yelled into his mic as the clock hit 3 seconds. Hayden was bent over in laughter, clutching his stomach, unable to breathe.
Jackie dug deep for another descriptor, shouting at the top of her lungs. "Hockey"
A realization washed over Ilya's face. The word hockey hit his brain. Hockey, net, score, P…
With exactly 1 second left on the display, Ilya stood up and yelled:
"Puck!"
DING-DING-DING-DING!
The horn of the buzzer sounded after the word left his mouth. The digital board exploded into a flurry of flashing lights as confetti cannons blasted from the ceiling.
Ilya and Jackie had done it.
The studio audience were cheering like Ilya just scored an overtime goal in Game 7 to bring home the Stanley Cup.
"They got it! At the buzzer!" Scott Hunter screamed over the pandemonium of the studio as confetti rained down on stage. "I don't know how they did it, but they did it! Ilya and Jackie have officially won the Password grand prize, securing an extra $100,000 for the Irina Foundation!"
Jackie jumped out of her chair, cheering and laughing as she ran to Ilya. Ilya picked her up and swung her around, kissing her on the cheek and crying tears of pride.
From where he was watching, Shane slowly peeked his head up, covered in confetti, his eyes glued to his husband taking in his victory.
He’s going to be insufferable later, Shane thought. Fucking insufferable. I’m so fucking proud of him.
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The house lights in the studio dimmed as the audience began filing out of their seats. Production crew members started to take down equipment and sweep up the confetti.
From the side wings of the stage, the four Pike children came back from the green room, their faces sticky from juice boxes and eyes wide with wonder at the confetti covering their parents and uncles.
Hayden approached Jackie, dusting confetti off his shoulders while shaking his head in disbelief.
"Seriously, Jac?" Hayden asked, a laugh bubbling in his chest. "'Sexy'? 'Shane'? You were pretty brave with some of those clues. Why would you give Ilya unhinged clues like that on network television?"
Jackie put a hand on her hip, unbothered by her husband’s honest question. "Oh, come on, Hayd, think about who my partner was. Besides, you know the golden rule of the Hollander household: nobody can truly control Ilya, and nobody can predict what is going to come out of his mouth. Once the kids left the room, I knew I could say just about anything. With the time delay, if a stray “fuck” came out of his mouth, the network would just bleep it. I just rode the wave of the chaos gremlin that is Ilya Rozanov. And it paid off."
A few feet away, Shane was kneeling down on the stage to greet his godchildren, his cheeks still red from Ilya’s unhinged answers. He was trying his best to look completely normal, but his ears betrayed him.
The girls immediately crowded around him, tugging on his sleeves. "Uncle Shane! Why are you so red?" Amber asked, peering closely at his eyes. "Are you sick? Did you eat a hot pepper or something?"
Shane cleared his throat and nervously tugged at his collar to avoid eye contact with the adults on stage. "Oh, uh... no, sweetie, Uncle Shane is totally fine. It’s just... it’s hot under these lights. I’ve been standing under them for a long time. Nothing to worry about, though."
Hayden walked past Ilya, coughing loudly into his hand. "Your fault, Rozanov," he chirped.
Over at the host podium, Scott and Ilya were talking.
"I have to say, Scott, you did an amazing job running the show tonight," Ilya said, smacking Scott on the shoulder with a wicked twinkle in his eye. "Truly impressive. Especially for a guy who was actually there to watch meteors wipe out Triceratops. Your memory is still very sharp for your Jurassic age."
Scott rolled his eyes. "Oh, real mature, Ilya. Very original. Let me remind you that I may be a 'dinosaur,' but at least my vocabulary doesn't require a mandatory FCC delay and an explicit content warning. You literally screamed 'penis' twice on national television, Ilya. The network standards and practices team love you, I’m sure."
"Hey, it is a perfectly normal, anatomical correct word, Hunter!" Ilya stated matter-of-factly. "Completely educational. Plus, my timing was genius. The buzzer sounded after I said puck. The Foundation gets the big prize, the network gets the ratings, and I get to go home with my sexy husband and maybe play with his penis. Everybody wins."
"Jesus" Scott chuckled, shaking his head as he looked over at Shane, who was allowing himself to be buried under a pile of confetti by his godchildren. "TMI, Rozanov. TMI."
"Yes, is TMI," Ilya said, looking over at Shane. "At least we are not next door to you. Room 1221. You could listen to us like mating call."
Scott had to laugh at that chirp. The memory of that All-Star game and the secret that he kept for years, that he heard Ilya give Shane his room number, was something that only Ilya was privy to. They never told Shane; his embarrassment would be through the stratosphere if they did.
The network photographer finally called the group together at the center of the stage. Scott stood in the center of the shot, flanked tightly by Jackie, Hayden, Ilya, and a still-blushing Shane. The four Pike kids squeezed in front of them, proudly holding up an oversized novelty check.
Printed in bold, beautiful black ink were the words The Irina Foundation, and an impressive grand total: $150,000.
"Alright, everyone look right here! Big smiles on three!" the photographer shouted. "One... two... three!"
Everyone smiled. It was a perfect end to a show that none of them would ever forget being a part of.
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Stay tuned next week for a charitable episode of Beat Bobby Flay, featuring Bobby Flay, Zane "Bood" Boodram and Ilya Rozanov.
Special guest appearances by Jason Kelce and Matty Matheson.