Chapter Text
Yaldabaoth walked through the darkness for some time. The cave was cold. Not as cold as the blizzard, but still far from comfortable. The temperature difference was enough for his body to start to warm up, although he hardly enjoyed the experience. The numbness in his face began to wear off, but instead he started getting a sensation he believed humans refer to as “pins and needles”. It was thoroughly unpleasant. By the time the sensation had worn off, Yaldabaoth found his path had been cut off when his foot bumped into something ahead in front of him. He extended his arms, grasping around in the darkness, and felt a wooden door through Igor’s thin gloves. He pawed at the door until he found a knob. Turning the knob, the door opened inward, and his eyes were blinded by green lights.
When his eyes began to adjust, Yaldabaoth saw that this section of the cave had the ceiling completely covered in bioluminescent moss. It provided enough light for him to see a man sitting at a table, reading a book. It was Sojiro Sakura, Ren's caretaker, dressed as a priest. As Yaldabaoth stepped further into the room, he turned to him and stood up.
“What the- Who are you!?”
“Somebody seeking the Hermit.” Yaldabaoth approached the bearded man. “Are you he?”
“Right, like I’m gonna let some menacing guy like you meet the Hermit. Get out of here!”
“Hierophaaaannnnt…” A young woman appeared from another door in the back of the room. It was a haggard, wart-covered, long-nailed, rag-clad version of Futaba Sakura, the rare human who had a Palace not born of ill intent. “What’s all the noise?”
“Go back to sleep, Hermit.” The Hierophant glared at Yaldabaoth. “This guy was just leaving.”
“I will do no such thing.” Yaldabaoth looked past the Hierophant and directly at the Hermit. “I seek the High Priestess. Tell me how to reach her.”
“You don’t talk to her.” The Hierophant got in Yaldabaoth’s face. “The Hermit knows how to reach the High Priestess, who takes people to Ren. I’m not letting anybody I don’t trust near either of them.”
“I have come too far and endured too many inanities to be denied.” Yaldabaoth’s hands balled into fists. “Remove yourself from my path or I shall do it myself.”
“You wanna go, you old geezer!?” The Hierophant rolled up his sleeves. “I made an oath to protect these people! I’m not afraid to throw you out into the cold on your ass!”
“Hierophant, cut it out!” The Hermit walked over to the table, placing a stone tablet on its surface. “He’s already made it this far. We might as well give him a chance.”
“Hermit! Are you sure about this?” The Hierophant turned to her, pointing at Yaldabaoth’s face. “Just look at this guy! Do you really want to let him reach the temple?”
“Relax.” The Hermit stood on a chair at the table and crouched down. “He still has to play my game.”
“Excellent.” Yaldabaoth pushed past the Hierophant and sat down at the table. “Tell me the rules of this game.”
“You’ll figure it out as we go along.” The Hermit waved her hand over the stone tablet. It glowed and projected an image of a forest. She waved her hand again and the forest caught fire. “Solve this problem.”
“An easy task.” Yaldabaoth raised his hand over the tablet and rainclouds appeared, putting out the flames.
“Hey! Cheater!” The Hermit pointed a long-nailed finger at Yaldabaoth. “You can’t do that!”
“And why is that?”
“Because it’s impossible! You can’t just make rain!”
“I am a god. All things may happen by my will.”
“Ok, let me rephrase this.” The Hermit waved her hand the forest caught fire again. “Solve this as a human would.”
“How trivial.” Yaldabaoth waved his hand and a small plane flew overhead spraying water on the forest, dousing the flames. “Is that solution satisfactory?”
“Yup.” The Hermit waved her hand again, and an image of a diver swimming away from a ravenous shark appeared. “Now solve this problem.”
“Simple.” Yaldabaoth waved his hand and a speargun appeared in the man’s hands. The man shot the shark, spearing it through the brain.
“That’ll do. Now for something more complicated.” The Hermit changed the picture to something more elaborate. There was a man sitting typing at a computer. A sign on the wall read “Mizuno Advertising Agency Grand Opening”. There was a radiator near him glowing orange. The glow faded. Then Mizuno’s breath could be seen. Then Mizuno was wearing multiple layers, shivering. The Hermit looked up at Yaldabaoth. “Solve this man's problem.”
“It is not complicated at all.” Yaldabaoth waved his hand over the image. Mizuno dialed the phone on his desk. Sooner after, two men came in and tore the radiator out of the wall. They brought in a new radiator and began installing it in its place.
“Just one problem with that” the Hermit said. One of the men handed Mizuno an envelope that said “BILL” in big red letters on it. Mizuno opened the envelope and a look of despair appeared on his face. The image cut to Mizuno sadly walking away from the office, a large “CLOSED” sign on the door.
“There is a simple solution.” Yaldabaoth waved his hand and reset the scene. This time, a single man came in and repaired the broken radiator.
“I wouldn’t be so su-ure…” the Hermit said in a sing-song fashion. Once again, the repairman handed Mizuno a bill he couldn’t pay and his business shut down.
“This ‘Mizuno’ lacks the capital for even a simple appliance repair?” Yaldabaoth gave the Hermit a look of dull annoyance.
“‘Fraid so.”
“Then his problem is being in business at all. He should not have started a company if he did not have the resources to deal with such a minor problem.”
“I mean, I don’t disagree with you, but it’s the situation he’s in.” The Hermit smirked. “So, how can he fix it? How does he get the heat back in his office without going under?”
“Hmm…” Yaldabaoth rubbed his chin. “Perhaps…” He waved his hand once more. The scene reset. Once again, a single repairman came into the room. Instead of getting to work, Mizuno got up from his desk and talked to the man. The repairman nodded and the two shook hands. The repairman worked on the radiator and it started emitting heat again. Mizuno smiled and took off his extra layers. The vision panned around to show Mizuno’s computer screen. There was a photoshop file where he was putting together an advertisement featuring a photo of the repairman.
“An exchange of services, huh?” The Hermit snickered. “It’s kinda archaic, but not impossible, I guess. Not bad. One more.” The Hermit’s smiled disappeared. As she waved her hand, a familiar scene appeared between the two: A schoolgirl standing at the edge of a roof, about to jump. “Solve her problem.”
“Very well.” Yaldabaoth waved his hand and a large airbag like the kind used in Hollywood stunts appeared at the bottom of the school.
“Are you even trying!?” The Hermit rolled her eyes. “Ignoring the implausibility of setting that up before she jumps, it’s hardly a foolproof solution.” The Hermit waved her hand. The schoolgirl ran to another side of the roof and jumped off. The Hermit glared at Yaldabaoth. “Try again!”
Yaldabaoth grunted and waved his hand. The scene reset, and a man appeared on the roof, running to grab the girl.
“That hardly ever works” the Hermit said sadly. The girl turned around, saw the man running at her, and jumped. “Try again.” The scene reset.
“So, it would seem the trick is to subdue her without her notice. I require a way to herd her from the roof’s edge.” A smirk came to Yaldabaoth’s face as he waved his hand again. The man appeared on the roof again, but this time had a rope. He tied a loop in it and lassoed the girl, tugging and causing her to fall on her side away from the roof’s edge. While she was stunned, the man ran over, grabbed her, and started dragging her away.
“Well, uh... Points for creativity…” The Hermit sighed. “But it’s still no good.”
“What do you mean?” Yaldabaoth looked up at the Hermit. “The goal was to prevent her from jumping off the roof, was it not?”
“I mean, that’s part of it. But…” The Hermit waved her hand. The scene continued. Pages fell off a calendar, signaling a week’s passing. The schoolgirl was in another location, crying into a mirror. She picked up a bottle of sleeping pills and swallowed its contents whole. She collapsed immediately after.
“The exercise is to stop the girl from killing herself ever?” Yaldabaoth’s voice was clearly annoyed. “You should have stated so from the beginning.”
“Oh yeah?” The Hermit looked at Yaldabaoth with a raised eyebrow. “What would you do if you knew that?”
“This.” Yaldabaoth waved his hand once again. The scene reset and the man appeared again. He walked over to the girl slowly, speaking to her. She turned around, one foot shifting back. The man continued speaking and held out his hand. The girl stepped forward, putting her hand in his, and the two walked away together.
“Not good enough” the Hermit said.
“Counseling the girl is inadequate now?”
“You can’t just say ‘I talk to her and fix her problems’. That’s god modding.” The Hermit raised her hand to Yaldabaoth’s face, and it started glowing. “What do you actually say to her?”
Yaldabaoth found himself transported inside the scene. He was standing on the roof, the girl standing at the edge. He slowly began approaching her.
“Do you truly intend to jump?” Yaldabaoth asked.
“Huh!?” The girl turned around and looked at Yaldabaoth. “Who are you!?”
“My identity is of no consequence. Step away from the roof’s edge.”
“What’s the point!?” Tears started to flow from the girl’s eyes. “My existence is worthless! I get poor grades, so I’m a burden to my parents! I spend all this extra time studying to try and make up for it, so all my friends have left me behind! And the boy I like doesn’t even know I exist! Why shouldn’t I end it all right now!?”
“Do you truly believe that your loved ones would not be upset by your passing?”
“Huh?”
“You believe you are a burden on your family. But would your death truly come as a relief to them?” Yaldabaoth took a few more steps towards the girl. “Do you believe your mother and father are completely without love for you? Were you to die, do you believe they would feel their lives had improved? Or is it more likely that they would be stricken with grief, agonizing over the loss of their daughter, blaming themselves for being failures as parents? Would not your death bring them immeasurable pain?”
“I… I don’t-“ The girl hung her head low, tears continuing to fall. “I didn’t think of it like that.”
“Leave this rooftop. Return to your family. Take comfort in their love. Your current situation is temporary. Your life will offer many opportunities for change.” Yaldabaoth turned away from the girl and started to walk away, then paused. “You may also find it beneficial for you to seek aid from a mental health professional.”
“Ok.” The girl slowly walked past Yaldabaoth, leaving the rooftop. A spectral image of the Hermit appeared before him.
“That was surprisingly caring of you” the Hermit said.
“I simply stated truths. Human beings find strength and meaning in their relationships with each other.” Yaldabaoth shook his head. “Since arriving in this world, I have been continually treated as if I am blind to this fact, but that is not the case. It is simply not a principle that applies to my existence, because I am not a human being.”
“I see.” The Hermit looked at the stairway the girl had disappeared into. “But I don’t think you’re as insightful as you think you are.”
“Tell me what you wish to say. Do not speak in vagaries to me.”
“Alright.” The Hermit spread out her arms and the scene changed. Yaldabaoth and the Hermit were both spectral now, watching an adult man and woman speaking to each other sadly in a kitchen.
“I just don’t understand it” the woman said. “It’s been three months and nothing’s been solved. Her mood is still so dour, and she’s still doing so poorly in school!”
“This is not an easily solved problem” the man said. “We just have to give it time.”
“I don’t know how much longer I can take this” the woman said. She began crying into her hands.
“What is this?” Yaldabaoth asked.
“Look.” The Hermit pointed to the door to the room. The schoolgirl from before was spying on the conversation, a horrified look on her face. “And so, soon enough…” The Hermit spread out her arms again. The scene changed once more. The man and woman were standing over a grave, crying.
There was a flash of light, and Yaldabaoth and the Hermit were once again sitting around the table.
“I am beginning to think that this is a trick question” Yaldabaoth said.
“You’re right.” The Hermit removed the stone tablet from the table. “This is one of the cruelest realities of being human. Sometimes, there’s no solution. We try and try, but we still fail. We can say everything right, do everything right, and things can still go bad because of circumstances outside of our control.”
“So there truly is no solution to this dilemma. My time has been wasted.”
“If that’s how you feel.” The Hermit looked at the Hierophant, who was standing in the corner of the room. “It’s time for him to go to the temple.”
“You can’t be serious!” The Hierophant stomped his foot. “Have you heard anything he’s said!? He’s heartless! Who knows what he’d do to the High Priestess!?”
“The High Priestess is not the only one at the temple.”
“You are referring to Ren Amamiya?” Yaldabaoth asked.
“No.” The Hermit smiled at the Hierophant. “Hierophant, the coffee, please.”
“Fine.” The Hierophant reached into his robe and pulled out a thermos. He walked over to the table and placed it in front of Yaldabaoth. “Close your eyes and drink this.”
“Very well.” Yaldabaoth picked up the thermos, opened it, and shut his eyes. He took a sip of the coffee within. The flavor was revolting to him, but he forced himself to swallow it. He felt a shift in the atmosphere, the air around him feeling much warmer. Yaldabaoth opened his eyes to find himself standing in the desert sun. Before him stood a large temple, similar to a cathedral, but with bizarre spires that seemed to resemble the skyline of Tokyo.
“You finally made it!”
Yaldabaoth turned around to see a nun standing behind him. Beneath her habit, he could make out the face of Ichiko Ohya, the alcoholic reporter.
“Welcome” she said with a warm smile on her face. “I am the High Priestess.”
“No you are not” Yaldabaoth said plainly.
“You’re right.” Her warm smile turned devious. “I bet you’ve probably figured out who she really is, huh?”
“I have deciphered your true form as well.”
“Great. Then I can take this stuffy crap off.” The woman shed her outfit, revealing bat-like wings, horns, and a pointy tail. Her skin turned red. “I’m-“
“The Devil.” Yaldabaoth tapped his foot impatiently. “What do you want with me?”
“I want to give you a gift.”
“And why should I make a deal with the Devil?”
“You know what’s in that temple.” The Devil put her hands on her hips. “Do you really think there isn’t some last-minute piece of bullshit designed to frustrate you? Wouldn’t you like to circumvent it?”
“That depends on the method of circumvention.”
“Well, you’ve been wandering through this place stripped of everything that makes you who you are, right?” The Devil held out her hand palm-side up, and a sphere of golden light appeared in it. Yaldabaoth’s eyes widened. He was all too familiar with the energy the sphere was emitting.
“Is that what I believe it to be?”
“Yup.” The Devil held the sphere out to Yaldabaoth. “Your powers. Reclaimed from Death herself.”
“How can I possibly trust you? How do I know that I will not face some arduous task if I enter the temple having accepted this gift?”
“Oh, you most definitely will. But if this is as potent as I think it is…” The Devil held the sphere up to her nose and took a deep sniff. An ecstatic look appeared on her face. “Then that shouldn’t be a problem.”
“This is too good to be true.”
“Here’s the deal, pal. I don’t like you. I may not get along with everyone else here, but your presence in this world is an affront to all the core beliefs it’s built on, even mine. I just want you out of here.” The Devil once again held the sphere out to Yaldabaoth. “So take your crap, go inside, beat up who you need to in order to see Ren, and get the hell out already.”
“Nothing would make me happier.” Yaldabaoth reached out and touched the sphere. Immediately, the golden energies began surging through his body. Soon, he could no longer feel the heat of the sun on his skin, or the weariness of old muscles, or even the flow of blood. He just felt the pure power radiating throughout his being that he had always known. A fiendish grin formed on his face as he floated up into the air. No longer would he be beholden to this world’s ridiculous rules. He had found the High Priestess’s location. He would take what he wanted by force.
Yaldabaoth floated through the temple’s entrance. The second he entered the main hall, he saw dozens of pews. There was an altar on a stage overlooking them all, and behind the altar, a stained glass window depicting Ren Amamiya in his Phantom Thief outfit. Before the altar stood the prosecutor Sae Niijima, wearing judge’s robes.
“I am Judgment” she said.
“I do not care” Yaldabaoth said. He slowly floated towards her, contemplating how to end her existence.
“You would misuse strength to destroy what may be reasoned with” she said.
Perhaps he could burn her.
“You shun all wisdom that does not align with your preconceived notions, refusing to entertain the validity of other points of view.”
They were in a temple. Perhaps lightning from God would be a fitting death.
“You see no need for humility and have even undone your token gesture of lowering yourself to human.”
No, fire. Fire would be better. Slower, more agonizing.
“I pronounce you guilty.”
This figment dared to pass judgment on the mighty Yaldabaoth. He was going to enjoy hearing her scream.
“You will now face Justice.”
Just before Yaldabaoth reached Judgment, a figure dropped from the ceiling, standing between the two. It was Goro Akechi, wearing the outfit of the Black Mask that he had died in. He held a black sword in his hand, and glared at Yaldabaoth with a crazed look in his eyes.
“Guilty” he screamed. “Guilty guilty guilty! GUILTY!”
Justice swung his sword. Yaldabaoth glided back to avoid it. Using his power, he manifested a golden sword of his own.
“I am going to enjoy this immensely.”
The black and gold blades clashed over and over. To Yaldabaoth’s surprise, Justice was harder to overcome than he believed. Clearly Ren Amamiya had very strong feelings about Goro Akechi. This thing before him had monstrous strength. It was dogged and determined, screaming “GUILTY” over and over again with every swing of his blade. He gave no ground, he cared not for mercy like the other beings in this world. He was a mad dog, a hellhound that would ravage anything it could sink its fangs into.
But Yaldabaoth was no sinner to be cast into the pit. He was a god, and he would smite this failure’s ghost like one. He floated high into the air, a dark sphere manifesting in his hand. Justice let out a cry of pure rage and jumped into the air, ready to strike with with blade.
“STOP THIS!”
A ball of light appeared, encasing Justice. He fell asleep immediately, and the round cage was lowered to the ground. Yaldabaoth looked to the altar to see Makoto Niijima standing behind it, dressed in papal robes and a tall hat. The robes were black and spike-covered like her Phantom Thief outfit, and she even wore a mask that was shaped like Ren Amamiya's, but made of metal like her own mask when she was “Queen”.
“High Priestess!” Judgment turned to the visage of her counterpart’s younger sister. “What are you doing!? This monster does not belong here!”
“I can make such decisions for myself, Judgment.” The Priestess gave Judgment a condescending smile. “Take your attack dog and leave us.”
“But he-“
“I know what I'm doing. Trust me.”
“Yes, High Priestess.” Judgment walked out of the temple, the sphere containing Justice floating behind her.
“Welcome to my temple, Yaldabaoth.” The High Priestess descended the stairs in front of the altar and stopped a few feet away from the spot where Yaldabaoth was still hanging in the air. “Did you enjoy the trip?”
“You know I did not.” Yaldabaoth descended from his high position, but did not stop floating. He remained a few inches above the ground, looking down on the High Priestess.
“Yes, I know.” The High Priestess gave an insincere smile. “I also knew that you would not learn anything from the trip.”
“And yet, you sent me on it anyway. Why?”
“So you could get used to the feeling.”
“What feeling?”
“The feeling of being made a fool of by Ren Amamiya.” The High Priestess smirked at Yaldabaoth. “Ren doesn’t consciously know your true nature, but when you created this world, your essence became linked with his just enough for us to see you for what you truly are. You came here to learn if Ren Amamiya could possibly destroy you in the future. I will tell you now: It is not a possibility. It is a certainty.”
“You dare!?” Yaldabaoth once again summoned a golden sword. He held it to the High Priestess’s throat.
“You can deny it all you want, but you won’t know for sure until you see Ren yourself, and if you kill me, that will never happen.”
“Do not try and bluff me, girl.” Yaldabaoth pointed to the stained glass window of Joker with his free hand. “I have found Ren! I know how he sees himself now. A holy savior for all you wretches who would be miserable without him. He is just another arrogant human enforcing his will on the world behind the pretense of nobility.”
“That is not Ren. That is just a stained glass window.” The High Priestess raised her hand and slowly pushed away Yaldabaoth’s sword. “But I’d be more than happy to show you Ren.”
“Your happiness is not a factor. You will take me to Ren Amamiya NOW.”
“My, so pushy. Not very becoming of a god.” The High Priestess snapped her fingers and a sphere of light formed around herself and Yaldabaoth. It rose into the air at rapid speeds, crashing through the ceiling and shooting to the sky.
“A trek to the heavens. So Ren Amamiya sees himself as a god.”
“Please stop talking.” The High Priestess glared at Yaldabaoth. “Your projecting onto Ren is in the poorest taste.”
“Watch your tongue, figment, or I shall-“
“We’re here.” The sphere stopped in space. All around and beyond the duo was the infinite blackness.
“Where?” Yaldabaoth started looking around in all directions. “I do not see-“ Yaldabaoth stopped talking as he turned around and looked back at the earth. It did not look like its real-world equivalent. The ice caps on the top were large and many, covering a significant portion of the northern hemisphere, resembling a messy mop of hair. Just above the equator, there were two ovular continents connected by a bridge of land, forming the shape of glasses. A series of islands resembling a nose were settled right below the land bridge, and south of that, in the atmosphere was a massive cloud formation shaped like a smiling mouth.
“This cannot be!” Yaldabaoth declared.
“But it is” the High Priestess replied. “You were in error thinking this was Ren Amamiya's world. The world does not belong to him. The World is him.”
Yaldabaoth could not deny it. Unfathomable though it was for one’s cognitive self to be so massive in scale, this world was shaped like Ren Amamiya.
“What does this mean!?”
“My goodness, is the mighty god stumped? I thought you were all-knowing.”
“ANSWER ME!”
“You said it yourself when you were with the Hermit: ‘Human beings find strength and meaning in their relationships with each other.’” She looked down at the World sorrowfully. “Not even a year ago, his world was completely shattered. Convicted of a crime he did not commit. Sent away from the only home he had ever known. Told by society at large that he was garbage and that he would have no future. His life ruined by a petty man on a power trip. And yet, in spite of all that…” The High Priestess’s lips curled up into a smile. “He rebuilt. He made new friends, found new people to love and who love him in turn. He opened his heart, found new purpose, found new meaning. Ren doesn’t see himself as our savior. We’re his saviors. We gave him back his life. It is through us that Ren is allowed to be a person again. The bonds he’s formed with us give him new hope, a new reason to endure. We make his world, and so he wants to be there for us so we can all be as happy as we’ve made him.”
Yaldabaoth gazed upon the World silently.
“Have you nothing to say? No great boasts or observations you want to make?” The High Priestess looked at Yaldabaoth expectantly. “Or perhaps you have truly learned something after all?”
“Enough of this.”
Yaldabaoth vanished into thin air. Then the High Priestess disappeared. And then the World, and everyone else on it.
Yaldabaoth reappeared in the Velvet Room. A very tired-looking Justine, hands still on Ren's temples, looked up at him.
“Welcome back, Master.”
“Did you find what you were looking for?” Caroline asked. “How is the inmate’s rehabilitation going?”
“Send him back to his world” Yaldabaoth replied. “And then make yourselves scarce. I must contemplate what I have witnessed in solitude.” Yaldabaoth walked out of the prison cell.
“Of course, Master.” Justine let go of Ren's head and left the cell as well. Caroline shut the door and locked it, and then the two retreated into the depths of the Velvet Room.
Yaldabaoth sat down at Igor’s desk. The words the High Priestess had spoken to him ran through his head again and again. He wasn’t entirely certain what to make of it. All he knew was that sooner or later, there would be a confrontation between him and Ren Amamiya.
And when that time came, Ren Amamiya would die.