Chapter Text
See that Truth that Hurts
Wishing it wasn't
The Truth
Yet it is...
Yamaguchi quietly mixes the drink ordered by the patron. It's a slow day at the tavern and he can't wait to get back home.
Home...
Home now was a small cottage in the quieter parts of town. Hinata had helped him plant a small herb garden and Kuroo-san had helped them settle in. It wasn't much, a modest kitchen with a wooden table and a few chairs, an outhouse and a small room with twin beds and a dresser. However, it was home, not a far walk from the tavern and close enough to the market.
It was their new life.
They could forget the village of their childhood, now ruins of ash and dust, all the people they knew and loved growing up gone. They could forget the hardships of the forest, the tiny makeshift shelter they lived in for months, trying to manage themselves. They could forget most especially the pain and sorrow of their past, tucking it away inside their hearts, maybe resurfacing on particularly bad nights where they woke each other up with their twin sobs, holding onto each other till morning. Wiping each other's tears and carrying on. Falling into the comforting monotone rhythm of the day, pushing everything back into the depths of their heart.
Yamaguchi hands the drink over to Kiyoko-san to be served to the patrons. He walks back effortlessly to the bar, having gotten accustomed to his surroundings. The only indications of his blindness being his milky dull eyes and the cane he kept as his aid. As he began to clean the goblets, he hears the nervous voice of Yachi, one of the waitresses at the bar, calls him.
"Um...Yamaguchi-kun?" She asks, her voice seemed more nervous then it already is.
"Yes, Yachi-san?" He says without facing her, and even if he did, he wouldn't see her surprise at him knowing it was her.
"There's a man at the bar who wants to talk to you?" She said making it sound like a question. He pauses before asking.
"Really? What does he look like?" He says cautiously. "Is he suspicious looking?"
"N-not r-really? Um...I d-don't know I mean I'm not a good judge of character, I-" Yachi stammers, easing the bad feeling in his stomach.
"Yachi-san?" He repeats more at ease now.
"He's about your height with brown hair and a beard. He has green eyes and oh! He has freckles like you, Yamaguchi-kun."
Yamaguchi stops dead in his track. Blood roars in his ear and his heart is pounding almost painfully in his chest. Only one man that he knows fits that description perfectly. And that man was the reason his mother crumbled, the reason he lost her, the reason for his old life falling apart.
"T..Take me to him.." He says to Yachi, slightly choked up as he reaches for his cane.
"A-are you sure Yamaguchi-kun? I can tell Ukai-san that someone's asking for you."
Yamaguchi nods as she leads him. "I can talk to him but alert Ukai-san to be on the lookout just in case something happens."
They stop at a table and Yamaguchi feels Yachi let go of his arm. He stares blankly. Then a voice rings out and echoes in his head, a voice that he hasn't heard in years.
"Tadashi."
"Hello, Papa."
***************
Tsukishima is 16 when he meets Him. He can't forget that day.
As usual, he's making a walk back from the town library, holding the precious manuscripts he had for the day. He decides to pass through the quieter streets. Among the modest houses and cottages, a rather tall sort of house sticks out like a cat among crows.
He eyes it curiously but maintains a blank expression on his face, perfectly composed. Then he hears it, a deep sort of voice that catches his attention, ringing out through the quiet streets.
"Oi Megane-kun!"
He turns toward the source of the voice and pauses.
The man is in his late 20s, maybe early 30s. His black hair is a spectacular mess, sticking out in odd angles, bangs hanging over one eye. Tsukishima quietly wonders how it could be physically possible to have such hair. The man's voice is accented, he notes, probably a settler from another town or kingdom even. His skin is tanned, obviously not a result of the cool or even cold weather of this town, most of the residents pale as he was. Then he catches the man's gaze, his eyes are hazel, a sharp color, crafty, calculating and brimming with intelligence, somehow mirroring Tsukishima's own. The man is strangely attractive, he could admit. For some reason, Tsukishima's breath catches in his throat and his heart beats faster than normal, heat slowly creeping up his cheeks. Nevertheless, he composes himself, allowing a slightly interested but for most reasons, neutral expression.
"Yes? I believe you're referring to me?" To his annoyance, the man smirks at him.
"If you have no other reason to talk to me aside from wasting my time by catching my attention, I shall be on my way." Tsukishima snaps slightly, starting to walk again.
"That manuscript you have, Draconian Theories, I believe Megane-kun?" The man inquires stopping Tsukishima once again.
"My name is Tsukishima Kei, not Megane-kun." Tsukishima retorts. This man was quite provoking.
The man merely flashes him another rather irking smile. "Nice to meet you Kei-kun. I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, scholar of the King's Royal Assembly."
Tsukishima is too busy staring to admonish him for calling him Kei-kun. Suddenly realizing himself, he snaps once again.
"And what is a scholar doing outside of the Royal Library?"
Kuroo eyes him. "Well, I happen to be looking for an apprentice. Judging from your choice of manuscripts, would you be interested?"
*************
Yamaguchi doesn't know whether to cry or yell. His father is in front of him, after so many years, yet he's glad he can't see his face.
"Tadashi..your eyes...I-"
"Why?..." Yamaguchi musters and suddenly the overflowing dam inside him breaks and he's crying and yelling.
"Why did you leave? Why did you leave Mama? Why did you leave me? What were you thinking Papa? Why this..? Wh-"
"I'm so sorry Tadashi." His father says. But all Yamaguchi hears is a man who isn't as sorry as he says. His inability to see helping him rely entirely on what he heard, being able to decipher voices and emotions.
His father is sorry. But Yamaguchi hears no regret, maybe some guilt but his father doesn't regret what he did. Maybe it's his head spinning out of control that makes him snap.
"Sorry for what Papa? Mama is dead. She crumbled after you left. They burned our house because you joined the rebels. They burned our village, our home. How could you?" Yamaguchi's chest is heaving right now, he's sure his face is twisting in pain, can feel the tears streaming down his cheeks.
His father remains silent, no doubt trying to comprehend what he had just said.
"Tadashi I-"
Yamaguchi never hears his next words. Instead, the door opens with a thud and the clattering of the soldier's boots come rushing in.
"The rebels! Get them all!"
Yamaguchi feels a warm hand drag him back into the kitchen in a flash. Before he can panic, he hears Madame Ukai's voice asking if he was alright. He nods numbly and once again when she dismisses Hinata and him early, telling them to rest.
That night, it's Hinata who holds him as he soaks the bed with tears. The faded images of a father that looked at him with the most utter fondness hidden in the depths of his heart, unable to be replaced with the no longer comforting voice of a man that he once called "Papa".
The next morning, as they walk towards the tavern, Tadashi hears a commotion. He could feel the crowd's frenzy, could smell the fresh blood and burnt flesh. Most of all, he could hear the wailing, not of a human but more of a wounded animal. But the haze in his head keeps him from wondering. Instead, he feels Hinata stop dead in front of the commotion.
"What is it?"
Nothing. Hinata signals back.
"What does the corpse look like?"
He's not dead yet...but he wants to be.
His hands and feet are nailed to the wall by knives and his stomach is ripped open. One of his eyes is gouged out and...
Yamaguchi cuts Hinata off feeling how uncomfortable the boy was getting. As they continued, Hinata decided not to mention that the man's one green eye is staring right at them.
Yamaguchi would never meet his father again. But his heart had turned cold against him.
**************
Kuroo Tetsurou was officially the most infuriating human being Tsukishima had met in all his 16 years of life.
He was well spoken yes, educated, absolutely worthy of being a King's scholar. He was, however, utterly provoking and had the most ridiculous hair Tsukishima had seen. He was also extremely childish for a man who was at least 10 years his senior.
Still, Tsukishima found himself coming back, justifying that the knowledge Kuroo could offer was something he could not pass up.
He took to the role of a scholar's apprentice like a crow to the rubbish, greedily scraping whatever knowledge he could. He lay low among the apprentices who quit calling him merchant boy after being at the mercy of his sharp tongue.
But for all the science and math and logic he studied, nothing could explain the feeling he had for Kuroo. The man was his teacher but still, he was much more. Tsukishima wasn't blind, he acknowledged how attractive Kuroo was, many of the female servants of the castle mooning over his exotic good looks.
He could simply write it off as a product of puberty, a silly whim of a teenager, a small infatuation. That was until it became more than a small infatuation.
He found himself struggling not to falter under the older man's hazel eyes. His breath catching whenever he was privileged to witness Kuroo's intense debates with other scholars and their own discussions. It didn't help that however provocative Kuroo was, his words often held no malice. He was incredibly kind to anyone he met, most especially to peasants and the serfs. Generous with what he had and concerned for other people's welfare, he gave often. Extremely intelligent and quite patient, he took the time to explain when he noticed Tsukishima was struggling to grasp a concept.
Kuroo's discussion with him was...radical, some wagging tongues he was sure would call it revolutionary. But however outlandish or rebellious the idea was, it was logical.
"Ah Tadashi-kun, Shoyou-kun, you're back early today. Ukai-san let you off?"
They had been studying the herbs in the garden of the cottage next door to Kuroo's house, the scholar claiming the cottage belonged to a friend. Said friend was now walking up the pathway towards them.
Tsukishima looked up to see 2 boys about his age but an air about them like they had seen too much. The orange haired boy was quite short, his face childlike and his lips spread into a wide smile. It seems almost too wide. Then he really sees Tsukishima and his gold eyes widen considerably, staring up at him as if he were some sort of curiosity. Tsukishima can't help the snark that came next.
"There's no need to look me in the face, Shrimpy. You might strain your neck for having to look up." The gold eyes narrowed but still, the boy didn't say anything. "Oh at a loss for words?"
"Shoyou's mute but even if he did speak, I don't think he would waste words on you." the taller of the two piped up.
Tsukishima met his dull, milky brownish-green eyes, the boy staring blankly at him, his hand clutching to a cane. For once in his life, he didn't know what to say.
"I-"
"Shoyou and I will be resting, please be careful with my herbs, Kuroo-san." The boy says, the bite in his words gone. The orange haired boy who was called Shoyou apparently shot him one last glare before leading the other boy into the cottage.
Kuroo wished them well before his face settled into a grim line after meeting Tsukishima's questioning gaze.
"Hinata Shoyou and Yamaguchi Tadashi came here a year ago, a good friend of mine brought them here and I helped them start out. Their village rebelled so the King ordered it to be burned to the ground. They specifically started a fire in Tadashi-kun's house because his father was one of the rebels. Both boys lost their families. Shoyou-kun stopped speaking after coming back to his house and finding it burnt to ashes and his family reduced to bones. Tadashi-kun's face was burnt severely but he was a healer so he was able to treat the scars. Still, he is blind."
Tsukishima felt his heart clench in sympathy as Kuroo continued.
"The village had perfectly good reasons to rebel. Taxes there were raised, the ruler appointed by the King was abusive and commanded the soldiers to do terrible things, there was no room for negotiation. The law gives the King too much power. Especially a ruler like our King, nothing more than a spoiled child who was raised to be a tyrant. In the best interests of the people, this must end."
Kuroo had a steely look in his eyes, one that sent a shiver down Tsukishima's spine. Suddenly a tanned hand is on his shoulder and he nearly flinches at the warmth but secretly relishes the contact as hazel eyes stare into his own, their faces so close that he could just-
"Is this idea one of treason, Tsukishima?" Kuroo's voice echoes in his ear. Tsukishima finds himself shaking his head.
"It is one of rebirth."
Kuroo seems to take to him in a new light after this. Their discussions become for intimate, more secretive. In essence, Tsukishima is glad he speaks so little back at home for the ideas in his head would surely be a scandal if his loyalist family found out. He relishes his closeness to Kuroo, proud he was the only one to bear witness to the older man's deepest wonderings.
One day his father says that they are moving back to Amemaru and it takes everything in Tsukishima not to lash out. Sales here have been slow, the King's favored merchants garner the most attention apparently.
Anyone with the King's favor has it better than the rest of us, Tsukishima thinks spitefully.
Amemaru is better for his father who can do better business, better for his mother who can once again be one of the nobles of the village, better for his brother who could become the favorite of the Baron and get his reputable job back. But Amemaru has nothing for him, no vast libraries, no university, no Kuroo to climb the ranks with.
So he objects quietly, saying he is 16, old enough to fend for himself. Akiteru and his mother protest but his father stays silent, looking at his second son who has risen to do what his first could not. In the end, Tsukishima moves into Kuroo's house and spends even more time, their discussions lasting till the wee hours of the morning.
Months pass and Tsukishima's feelings for Kuroo grow. But it's the day he gains Kuroo's full trust that everything shatters.
It's a particularly taxing day at the castle, the King himself made a rare visit to lord over them.
Unlike the others who simper and prostrate themselves at the King's feet, Tsukishima keeps composure, giving his own input with confidence but not overcompensating. He dares to meet the King's eyes, noting they are an imperial dark blue. The king's adviser, Sugawara Koushi who he had met all those years ago in the incident of Akiteru looked at him with interest.
They looked even more interested when he coolly defended Kuroo's recent studies and proposals, the bedhead himself looking at him with a strange glimmering sort of emotion.
Kuroo seems oddly pleased with today's events and proceeds to sit them down for today's after-studies reflection. The bedheaded man was oddly quiet and uncharacteristically serious. No banter was exchanged as the older man proceeded to speak.
"Do you consider yourself a trustworthy person, Tsukishima?"
The blond blinked once. Then once again before answering, phrasing his words carefully, immediately understanding the scholar's motive.
"You entrust me with your deepest thoughts, the keys to your house, the position as your apprentice. You bid me share your home, you have knowledge of my lack of motive to do what is malicious. Do you consider me then, a trustworthy person, Kuroo-san?"
Tsukishima knows he said the right thing as soon as Kuroo responded. " Follow me Kei-kun."
Kuroo takes him to the only room that he never enters, forever locked whether the bedhead man is in it or not. Kuroo's bedroom is simply furnished, a bed, a bookshelf, a desk with various sheets of parchment scattered on it. What catches Tsukishima's attention is the singular portrait on the wall. It's not very large but the frame is finely made. It depicts a familiar looking man with catlike features, dirty blond hair fanning over his face, gold eyes strangely pensive, he is clothed in lavish finery, posing by a red background with several cats around him.
"That's King Kenma Kozume of the Northwestern Kingdom of Tokyo." Tsukishima says rather perplexed. Then he sees the way Kuroo stares at the image and his heart drops at how much adoration he can see in the older man's eye.
"He is my King," Kuroo states in a voice that implies that the man in the portrait is more than just his King.
"So you are a spy, seeking to infiltrate our Kingdom?" Tsukishima says to the older man. "Does that disturb you?"
Tsukishima finds himself shrugging indifferently despite the painful clenching of his chest. "The kingdom deserves a more capable leader and laws based on justice. I share your ideology."
Tsukishima is numb. The sting of unrequited feelings slowly being replaced by a new hunger, one he cannot pinpoint yet.
The next day, Tsukishima finds out he has been promoted to scholar by a special order highly suspected to be Sugawara's. No longer Kuroo's apprentice, he uses this as an opportunity to distance him from the older man, easing the sting and directing him to a new aim. Still, Tsukishima hungers for an unspeakable sort of satisfaction, one he cannot name. While his heart has betrayed him, his mind is still sound.