Chapter Text
Your feet pounded on the metal floor, the malignant lights of the Galra ship streaming by you as you bolted down the corridor. The stolen gun in your hand felt like lead, but you had to keep moving. The sound of thunderous footsteps sounded behind you and you ducked behind an outcropping of wall in the nick of time. The blazing hot light of the lasers barely missed you, so close that you were sure you’d be missing hair if it hadn’t been for the suit that you wore. The onslaught seemed like it wouldn’t end, but the first chance you got you leaned out and fired back, hands steady but heart trembling as you successfully took down two sentries.
You ducked back, but not quickly enough, and you cried out in pain as the laser cut through your suit and skin like butter. Behind the wall, you writhed in pain, biting your tongue to keep your cries quiet, lest the enemy learn of your injury. You twisted and fired again, but it seemed that each sentry you destroyed was replaced with two more, a hydra unending.
“Guys?” Your voice sounded so small and quiet beneath the barrage, “I need help – Can you hear me?”
Three sentries shot down – six more took their place. Your heart shuddered in terror and a scream tore through you as a shot made its mark and burned through your side.
“Paladins! Can you hear me?”
There was no answer. Your hands shook on the gun, leveling out only when you raised it in a futile effort. “Allura! I think I’ve been cut off from the Paladins. Allura? Coran?” Radio silence filled your helmet.
“Fuck!” Another laser came too close for comfort and your heart climbed your throat when you realized that the Galra were slowly advancing. You were outnumbered and trapped. You tried to contact your friends again, fear and panic seeping into your voice. "Keith? Lance?"
Nothing. You raised your gun and twisted out of your feeble shelter to shoot, but the gun made a soft fizzing noise and the trigger clicked futilely.
You cursed. Was it broken? Out of ammo? How do you run out of ammo when it fired lasers?
"Hunk! Pidge! Can anyone hear me?!"
The sentries were drawing closer and you heard the heavier footsteps of flesh and blood soldiers. Your skin tingled with adrenaline. You could take down a sentry, steal its gun, dismantle the damn thing if you had to, but you were going to survive this.
"Shiro!" You called out, "Shiro! Are you there?"
But there was no answer.
The Galra were closing in.
"Shiro!"
You awoke with the adrenaline still tingling in your limbs and the burn of your wounds fading into nothing more than phantom perceptions. You didn't bolt up from sleep still fighting, or flail until your mind caught up with the shift in reality. You awoke with a soft gasp and a full-body twitch, eyes darting about the dark room and finding with near crushing relief that it was yours and not a Galra cell.
You sat up slowly and curled upward, inward, resting your head on your knees and trying to ground yourself.
The nightmares were not as frequent as they once were, but they still rattled you to the core. Your watch said it was six in the evening on Earth, but the pull of sleep behind your eyes and the leaden weight of your body told you it hadn't been long since you went to sleep. You closed your eyes, but all you could see was the inside of a Galra ship and blood seeping through your fingers.
So, you grabbed your staff and your boots and you went to the training hall. You needed to shake away this dream, and how better than to have your ass kicked by an Altean robot?
You ordered the training room to engage in light training, the android's movements still fast and hard enough to threaten with bruises and knots, but gentle and slow enough that you could keep up. Your right hook was still better than your staff, but you were getting better. Guns were rare aboard the Castle, and ammunition for it even more so, but since you lacked a bayard, you had to learn to use something. You adored seeing new planets and interacting with foreign species. You even liked learning more about the Galra, but without some sort of weapon, you were basically a dead weight in a battle.
You weren’t a Paladin. You didn’t have any special talents or a secret past. You had a voracious appetite for knowledge and a love for electronics and flight, but that didn’t stop you from being keenly aware that any of the Paladins could run circles around you. Allura and Coran could run the entire ship by themselves. The feeling of inadequacy was as frustrating as it was familiar.
Your staff landed a hard hit on the android, but it’s staff connected with your side. The ache of the soon-to-be bruise was nothing compared to the pain you had felt in the dream. You attacked again, then fell back and blocked as the android went on the offensive. You lost yourself in your thoughts and the motion of the mock battle.
You refused to be a burden. You refused to be left behind. You would work for as long and as hard as you needed to. You would prove that you were worthy of being on this ship.
You wouldn’t let that dream come true.
The android fell to the ground with a loud thud as you successfully disarmed it. Your chest heaved with exertion, your body felt like lead, but you straightened and opened your mouth to order the training to resume.
The sound of clapping startled you and you whipped around to find Shiro lingering in the doorway. He smiled at you, warm and a little too fond for you to take. “Good job, (Name)! You’ve gotten a lot better.”
You were suddenly aware of how gross and sweaty and you were. You cracked a grin, forcing the smile on even when all you felt like doing was hiding. “Thanks! I’ve been working on it.”
The radio silence of the dream lingered like a parasite. They had left you. Somehow, in the fury of your training, you had expected to be alone for the rest of the night, as though this were merely an extension of the dream. Shiro's dark eyes lingered over yours and you found yourself unable to look straight at him, too keenly aware of how your heart wobbled and your belly fluttered when he was around. The Paladin's eyebrows furrowed softly and he came closer, “You alright?” he asked and you opened your mouth, but the words got caught between I’m fine and just tired and you cleared your throat.
“Yeah, I’m alright.” You can’t explain it rationally, but somehow you find it hard to expose weakness to Shiro. It was easier with Lance, who seemed to understand in a way that no one else did. You knew that Shiro wouldn’t judge you for your insecurities. You knew, without a doubt, that he would soothe your fears and say anything and everything you needed to hear, but it was still too much.
Shiro shifts his weight and you feel his gray eyes piercing your skin. A glance at his face reveals a worried look that melts into understanding. “A nightmare?” he asks softly, like it’s a secret between the two of you.
It’s like he lifted a weight from your shoulders. “Yeah. . ..”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” The familiarity of the conversation drags a smile out of you. You watch as he shifts his weight again and glances away. The shyness of movement piques your curiosity. “If you want, I can . . . Do that thing that you did for me.” He looks a little embarrassed and your heart swells almost painfully. Shiro glances up at you and there’s such gentleness to his eyes that you can’t say no.
This man will be the death of you, you think this as you settle across your bed, tentatively laying your head in Shiro’s lap. It was your idea to go to your room, so that he wouldn’t have to carry you anywhere, though your belly gets a little fluttery feeling at the thought of it. The warmth of his skin seeps through his clothes and into yours. He hesitates for a moment, and then you feel his fingers carding gently through your hair. He’s using his left hand and it makes you realize that he’s always been a bit skittish in touching you with his prosthetic. You don’t protest. You want him to be comfortable around you.
After a moment, Shiro begins to hum. A tad shyly, perhaps, but his voice sends pleasant tingles through your skin and you feel yourself begin to relax for the first time since you woke up. You don’t know the song or if he’s just making up notes as he goes.
It works like a damn charm. The person is different and it takes a moment for your nerves to settle, but you’re caught in that dim valley between dreams and the waking world in no time. Your descent into sleep is slow and sure, aided by the sound of Shiro’s voice and the warmth of his fingers in your hair. You wondered briefly if this was some Pavlovian magic at work.
“You’re cute when you’re asleep . . .” The soft murmur was very obviously not meant for your ears. It jolts you out of the in-between haze of consciousness you were in. Immediately, your heart rate rockets and you feel a delirious grin start to pull at your lips.
Shiro’s fingers stop moving. “You weren’t asleep, were you?” He asks with thinly veiled horror. You feel a blush begin to creep up your neck.
A giggle leaves your lips, half nerves and half sleep deprivation. “I think you’re cute, too.”
You feel his breath hitch and he goes tense beneath you. Your open your eyes and twist to look up at him. Your heart sinks.
Shiro has that look on his face, the one he makes when he’s about convince himself out of something. It doesn’t take much, Shiro has an incredible ability to deny himself. You don’t want this frail thing between the two of you to end. “(Name), listen. We can’t do this. Zarkon –”
Fuck that. Perhaps it’s the edges of slumber still pulling at the back of your mind, perhaps it’s the warm, gentle feeling you get whenever Shiro is near that makes you sit up and press your lips to his. You don’t want to hear the multitude of reasons of why you shouldn’t. All that matters to you is that your heart says you should.
The kiss is hesitant, a fragile thing that is easily broken when he doesn’t immediately respond. Shiro’s dark eyes bore into yours, his hands resting uneasily on your hips. Your position is a little awkward, not exactly in his lap and just enough off-center to be somewhat uncomfortable. “We’re not dating Zarkon, Shiro,” You finally spit out, your heart racing with this sudden boldness and the quiet fear of rejection simmering behind it. “What we do outside of battle is no concern of his. I – I like you. I want to be with you.”
“(Name),” Shiro mutters your name softly, his hand reaching up to caress your face, “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” How could you not be? Your heart fluttered when he was near. The whole world was a little off-kilter when he wasn’t. Once, you had thought your crush on him was just a crush, something that you held close to your heart, but knew was ultimately impossible. But now, you’re in space aboard an alien ship fighting an unfathomably bigger alien army and there was so many impossibilities in your life right now that you didn’t really care if it was impossible anymore.
He kisses you this time and you fall into it easily. The fabric of his gray shirt is soft beneath your fingers as you draw him closer. The soft groan he makes when you suck on his bottom lip is simply beautiful and you feel as though you could listen to that for the rest of your life.
One kiss becomes two, two becomes four, and you can’t get enough. Shiro pulls back, dark eyes glazed over and a flush on his cheeks as he rests his forehead against yours. He’s like a furnace against you, the heat of his body seeping into your skin.
“Okay,” he mutters, breathless in a way that fills you with pride, even as your heart pounds like a drum. “We’ll give this a shot.”
Joy spreads through you and you press little kisses on his cheeks, his jaw, his forehead, anywhere you can reach, until he laughs in delight and pulls you close for a kiss on the lips. “Thank you, Shiro,” You say into the kiss and card your fingers through his hair.
The two of you enjoy each other’s presence well into the night and you wake up the next morning with Shiro’s arms around you. You felt safe there, wrapped up in him with his breath tickling the back of your neck. It was the best sleep you had since you arrived at the Castle of Lions.
You squeeze his hand in yours and find delight when he squeezes back.