Chapter Text
Scene one
(we open on PRESTON, MAX, NIKKI, NEIL, NERRIS, HARRISON, and DAVID sitting by the wreck of PRESTON's stage.)
DAVID
Preston, these five have something to say to you. Right, guys?
NIKKI, NEIL, HARRISON, NERRIS
(not exactly at the same time) We're sorry.
MAX
I had nothing to do with this! Why am I here?
DAVID
Because you started the fight.
MAX
For fuck's sake, I didn't tell them to fight. I just... no, wait, I did tell them to fight. Shit.
DAVID
That's why you'll all be helping Preston to fix the stage!
ALL (except DAVID)
WHAT?
PRESTON
It's fine, it's fine! I can do it myself! These scoundrels-
MAX
Hey!
PRESTON
-can't help!
DAVID
It doesn't matter, Preston, they're helping.
(DAVID exits.)
MAX
Fuck this! (Hey, there was way more swearing involved here.- Max)
NIKKI
As long as we're rebuilding, I have some suggestions. First, lasers.
PRESTON
(standing) Nope, no, I can't do this.
NEIL
Come on, guys, otherwise David's gonna make us do something worse! (For fuck's sake, Preston, capitalize names.- Max)
PRESTON
Fine. But the stage is staying exactly as it was before.
(End scene one.)
---
Max hands Preston the script he'd just finished editing.
"It's too fucking boring. You need more action," Max complains.
"Well, it's real life. OOH! I could make it a musical..." Preston is deep in thought.
"NO! Nevermind, it's great!" Max interrupts. "Just write the stupid play." He leaves.
---
Scene two
(PRESTON, NERRIS, and HARRISON are fixing the stage.)
NERRIS
I cast... flotation!
(she waves her hands at the lights. Nothing happens.)
Aw. Guess I didn't roll high enough.
HARRISON
Nerris, please.
(he waves his hands at the lights. Again, nothing happens.) (Who would've fucking guessed?- Max)
PRESTON
Okay, we need more people.
(MAX, NIKKI, and NEIL enter.)
YOU THREE! HELP! NOW!
MAX
Fuck no-
(DAVID enters and looks at MAX disapprovingly. MAX sighs.)
Fine.
DAVID
Now that's the kind of teamwork I like to see!
(DAVID exits.)
PRESTON
(everybody grabs a part of the lights.)
On three! One! TWO! THREE!
(the lights don't move at all.)
AGAIN!
(still nothing.)
ONE MORE TIME!
(they lift slightly, then drop onto-)
NEIL
OW! THEY'RE CRUSHING MY FOOT!
MAX
Shit.
DAVID
(entering in a rush) Is everybody okay?!
NIKKI
I think we broke Neil's foot. (I still feel bad about this.- Max)
(end scene two.)
Scene three
(DAVID is driving a entering the hospital with NIKKI, MAX, and PRESTON.)
DAVID
I want you three to remember that we're only visiting. You can't refuse to leave like last time.
NIKKI
I WILL NEVER LEAVE!
DAVID
Nikki, no.
(they enter NEIL's hospital room.)
NEIL
Hi, guys. Did you bring better food than the shit they serve here or at camp?
DAVID
Language, and yes. We have Oreos, apples, and juice boxes.
NEIL
Fruit?
MAX
At least there are Oreos.
DAVID
(DAVID's phone rings.)
Oh, it's Gwen. I'll be right back, guys.
(he exits.)
PRESTON
Sorry about your foot, Neil.
NEIL
Are you kidding me? This is great! It's air conditioned. (I stopped feeling bad now.- Max)
NIKKI
We're staying here with you! David's gonna have to let us.
MAX, PRESTON
We?
MAX
You can stay. This place looks boring as fuck, though.
PRESTON
I can't stay while my beloved needs me.
NEIL
Who?
PRESTON
My stage.
DAVID
(enters again.)
Gwen's having too much trouble, we have to go back to camp. (Stupid Gwen. Also, punctuation exists, dumbass.- Max)
NIKKI
You guys have fun! I'm staying here.
DAVID
No, you're not, Nikki-
NURSE
(enters)
Actually, she can stay. We'll take good care of her.
DAVID
Thanks for the offer, but-
NIKKI
I REFUSE TO LEAVE! Please?
DAVID
... Alright, you can stay.
NIKKI
YAY!
(end of scene three.)
---
Max sits down in front of Preston at breakfast the next morning. David has left to go pick up Nikki, who's close to being banned for her energetic behavior. Neil still has to say for three more nights, then he can come back to camp and walk around using crutches.
"Hey, I finished editing," Max says. Preston "uh-huh"s, sounding like he's not paying attention, and continues to push his pancakes around his plate. "Preston, are you fucking listening?"
"My stage..." Preston mumbles. He's been like this for about two days now, only wearing a black version of his outfit. Max has tried everything, but he still seems depressed.
"For fuck's sake, get over it. We'll fix it." And with that, Max picks up his tray and leaves.
---
Scene four
(PRESTON, MAX, and NERRIS are working on the stage together.)
MAX
(standing on a ladder, trying to reattach the curtains) How tall are these fucking things?
PRESTON
Very tall. They have to cover the whole stage! (No, seriously. How tall are they?- Max)
NERRIS
I'll cast... LIGHTEN!
(She stomps her foot. But nothing happens, except for the ladder shaking a bit.)
MAX
Oh, fuck no. I'm not doing this shit.
(he climbs down the ladder.)
PRESTON
Fine, I'll do it.
(he climbs up the ladder with the curtain. He attaches it successfully.)
See? Not so har-
(he missteps on his way down and falls. He hits the ground hard, but thankfully, Max and Nerris moved the other curtain to be underneath him.)
NERRIS
Preston? Are you okay?
MAX
I think he's unconscious. (Clearly, you weren't.- Max)
PRESTON
I'm fine. Just TRAUMATIZED.
MAX
Yeah, he's fine.
(he exits.)
(end scene four. End act two.)