Chapter Text
Hayden had just turned seven when USCIS takes away her mother from her. Her mother who had been living under the name Marisol Otero for fifteen years already which made Hayden a US citizen. At the age of seven, all she had was her mother and a few kids from the corner.
Hayden’s whole world changed when they placed her in her father’s care. He was a tough looking mexican man named Don Romero. His slang was very different from her mothers, even though they both spoke Spanish. He also said ‘Punto’ alot which Hayden only ever heard her mother say once.
Hayden and Don didn’t really do anything. She slept on the couch mostly and bought her own cereal from the corner store that she walked to alone. She walked to school alone and she went everywhere alone. He didn’t really pay too much attention to her, so he never really got angry unless he thought she was being annoying then he’d send her a glare and she’d shut up.
Hayden was smarter than all the other kids in her grades who were probably in a similar situation to her with a parent missing and the other not being much use.
Hayden had always been in a bad part of the city, her mother wasn’t rolling in money, but Don was different. She became use to baggies of white powder and pills laying on the kitchen counter or playing outside when her Don’s friends came over. She was a lonely kid because she got picked on for being smart and didn’t like the boys that would throw rocks at one another.
But she liked her new sister. Her half sister was fifteen when they first met. Instantly Hayden liked Valerie even if she didn’t come around alot. She would take her out for ice cream and talk about books. She always smelled good and she brushed her teeth everyday, Don wasn’t big on hygiene.
Valerie had her mother’s last name instead of Don’s. Hayden knew that Ms.Clark didn’t like Hayden alot. She thought it was because she was white and Hayden wasn’t, but that clearly wasn’t the case because Valerie was half mexican even if she didn’t know any spanish.
Hayden was nine when she was first put in the system and Valerie promised to get her out. Hayden didn’t mind the system too much. Most the time she was with alot more other kids, hardly was she ever actually alone. Valerie use to visit alot more.
Hayden was eleven when she began to hate Valerie because she wasn’t around and adults didn’t listen ever. A group of girls tried to steal her homework, at first Hayden said no until the girls pulled her hair and scratched and punched.
She was crying in the bathroom that day because she didn’t get credit and no one even asked about the black eye she had. Valerie would be eighteen or so and she wasn’t doing anything.
Tracey Stewart found her. She was a grade above Hayden, but a few years older. As far as Hayden knew, Tracey had found her way in and out of the system a few times already.
Tracey was pretty. She was also a bad girl. She wasn’t book smart, but she knew the streets. Hayden barely got by around here.
“That bitch hit you kid?” Tracey asked as she blew smoke, “You’re the smart girl, right?”
“Yes,” Hayden answered, trying not to cry in front of the older girl, “Yes to both.”
“I’d knock that off if you don’t want to get hit anymore,” Tracey said as she began to blow smoke before offering the cigarette to Hayden who shook her head.
“Why would I act dumb?” Hayden asked.
“Alot of girls do,” Tracey answered.
“Well everyone already knows I’m not,” Hayden frowned. Her teacher would be so ashamed is she acted like an idiot. Her mom too.
“Then stand up to her,” Tracey said.
“She’s taller than me. And alot more girls are there too,” Hayden pouted.
“They’re scared of her,” Tracey said, “But they’re even more scare of me.”
“Well I can’t make them all scared of me,” Hayden retorted with a scoff.
Tracey smirked before taking Hayden’s hand and putting something in it, “Next time she fucks with you, light this for a bit then burn her fucking face.”
Hayden went home that night and found her foster mother’s cigarettes and smoked a few. At first she didn’t like it and it hurt because she choke, but eventually she got a hang of it. She liked Tracey she decided.
Keya came at her the next day as Hayden was smoking her cigarette, “Got my paper ready?”
“No,” Hayden answered, “And It’s not happening. You can walk away or I’ll hurt you.”
“Excuse me?” The girl laughed.
“You heard me,” She answered.
She went to lunge at the younger girl, but managed to shove her to the ground. The older girls croonies about to step in when Hayden shoved the heated lighter against the girl’s temple hard enough to make sure the mark was really goin to scare her before picking up her cigarette and letting it out in the middle of the girls hand. She managed to give one punch to her before getting off.
“Next time I’ll set her fucking hair on fire,” She told them. She wasn’t sure it was a bluff or not, but they seemed to think that she actually would.
When she was twelve she began to grow and got her period. She looked a little older. She looked kinda pretty in a way that wasn’t just for little girls anymore. Tracey doing her make up all the time made sure to make her look older.
“Here,” Tracey passed her two socks.
“What’s this for?”
“Your bra. Just shove them in there,” Tracey ordered. Tracey’s breast weren’t big, but she still had a much more mature look to them.
Tracey took her to a party, Hayden was suprised to see other girls that were clearly in the same situation of trying to look older than they were.
“Stewart, looking fine as ever,” A boy smiled at Tracey.
“Diaz, aren’t you supposed to be doing Donati’s dirty work or something?” She smiled.
“I’d rather be soing yours,” He smiled at her. Tracey rolled her eyes at the insinuation as Diaz passed her a joint and Hayden rejected, “Who's the fresh meat?”
“Out of your league,” Tracey blew the smoke in his face.
“That true?” Diaz asked, “I don’t appeal to you?”
Hayden was put on the spot then and didn’t exactly know what to say as he advanced towards her, but she tried to be like Tracey, “I guess not.”
“Maybe I could persuade you otherwise,” The boy’s hand reached out her her hip. She stepped back from his touch but turned around as she ran into someone.
“Diaz, can’t you try to torment some other girl?” He asked. He was older than Tracey even. Probably nineteen or so.
“Tracey is the one bringing them around,” Diaz said.
“Stewart, bringing in some new employees or is she a buyer?” Diaz smirked, “She seems a litt young.”
“She is,” Tracey smiled, “And she ain’t doing either. Just like she ain’t doing you.”
Diaz smirked with glee, “Then who is?”
“Try a hooker,” Hayden found herself saying. She was scared. She knew who Donovan Donati was. He was running a small drug buisness all on his own. He carried guns. He had yet to kill, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t. She strangely wanted to fit in though because she could. She didn’t have to be helpless.
Tracey laughed hard at that and even Diaz and Donovan did.
“You a bad bitch, ain’t you?” Donovan asked.
“I burnt a girls face,” Hayden said.
“Did it feel good?” Donovan asked.
“I’m sure she didn’t like it,” She frowned.
“I meant you. Did it feel good for you?” He asked. She didn’t know how to answer that. She felt like someone just asked her if she like killing puppies because of course she didn’t. She had to do it. She didn’t do it because she wanted to, did she?
“Does it feel good for you?” She asked.
“I can think of things that feel alot better. Alot hotter too,” He smiled at her.
“Do you guys want a room or something?” Tracey asked as she smoked her joint. Hayden’s face blushed a bright red at that because she was only 12 years old, but she felt so much older.
Donati smirked and took her hand. At first, Hayden thought he was going to guide her to be somewhere alone. Instead he let her fingers curls around something. It was a lighter and a joint. Something she liked to stay away from because Valerie and her mother would have a stroke. But neither of them were there.
“See you around, kid,” He smiled at her.
Over the year she had begun to lose her good girl image alot more. She broke a lamp over a foster father’s head for trying to be too touchy feely. She started fights more often than not. She began smoking weed with Tracey. She had her fair share of war scars from fights. But she never saw Donovan again even when Tracey ran out of the system and began selling for him.
“You aren’t doing any of the hard stuff, right?” Hayden asked. She had grown so much since then.
“Of course not,” Tracey said, “I’d never fuck Diaz.”
“I’m talking about the drugs,” Hayden snapped.
“I know,” Tracey smiled, “When you gonna get out of there?”
“I can’t be a dealer,” Hayden said. Because she couldn’t. She wasn’t that dumb.
“It’s not like I’m stuck here. You and I are gonna get the hell out of here one day chica,” Tracey smiled. Little did Hayden realize that would be the last time she ever really heard Tracey say she was gonna get out of there.
Hayden and Isaac had ended up in the same group home together after she smoked in her eighth foster parent’s bedroom because the woman was a bitch who nagged on her constantly.
She didn’t mind Isaac, actually she had a bit of a crush on him much like most the girls there because he was just so pretty. Pretty enough to get attention from some of the boys there too. He was troubled, probably more troubled than her. She wasn’t blind to the passes some more aggressive guys would make at him either because they were attracted or jealous. Being a girl, she knew what that was like more than she’d like to admit.
“You should have sex with him,” Tracey said. He beautiful best friend was constantly smoking weed now. Hayden knew something was up with the girl. She was more flirtacious than ever, but now she seemed to use it as if she didn’t have any brains.
“Not everything has to do with sex, and god, do you have to do that right here?” Hayden snapped.
“Why? Virgin Mary can’t handle a little bit of Mary J?”Tracey sneered.
“Whatever,” Hayden sighed.
Hayden was beginning to get annoyed with one of the guys advances on her, “Come one chica.”
“Is that all you know?” She asked the darker male, “You’re not even hispanic. You sound like an idiot.”
He kept pressing against her despite her resistance. Finally she socked him in the face, “ I said fuck off.”
“Hey, there a problem here?” Isaac asked, an adult was behind him.
“Jerome, what seems to be going on?”
“Nothing. Hayden was just helping me patch up, I fell,” He lied as he glared at Isaac.
“It was a hard fall,” Hayden said, “He may need some medical attention.”
The adult took him away leaving Isaac with Hayden, “You have blood in your top.”
She knew it was from her busting his nose. She quirked her eyebrow at him, “Wannna help me take it off?”
Isaac was bright red, “I just- I saw him following you and-”
“You’ve been watching me, right? You wanna do something?” Hayden asked because frankly she was getting annoyed with being a virgin still. Tracey lost it at twelve and girls around here were already having sex. Isaac would be bragging rights.
“No. I just- I need your help. You’re like smart. I wanna get emancipated,” He said.
“Good luck with that, Pretty boy,” Hayden scoffed.
“No. I need too. I have a chance. My dad, he’s willing to sign off. And the house I use to live in needs someone to live in it right now. City says it’s going to waste.”
“So what do you need my help for?” Hayden asked.
“I’m not good at math and shit,” Isaac says, “I gotta keep my grades up.”
She ended up tutoring Isaac alot. She was jealous because there was a zero chance that she could ever get emancipated, still she didn’t mind him much. She even considered him a friend. More of a friend than Tracey was being.
She got separated from him later on.
Her new place was the worst. She hated it. It was disgustingly dirty and smelt like cat piss. She was supposed to be going home soon, but Don fucked up and was stuck in there for another two years. She was always fighting and threatening. There were more kids here than any home she’d even been in.
The fight between her and the girl was extreme.
She remembers the fight happening while the two other girls held her down.
“Lets see how much of a fucking smartass you’ll be when I slice up that fugly face of yours,” the girl growled. Hayden spat in her face before kicking her in the stomach. She managed to bite hard enough on the other girls hand in order to get off. The girl came at her with knife. Hayden grabbed a can of hairspray that laid in the messy room of 8 ft by 6 ftt shared of five girls. She used her lighter in order to make a makeshift flamethrower.
“Fucking pyro,” The girl screamed.
Somehow her foster mother finally burst in looking like shit.
“You girls are interuppting my sleep. What the fuck is that? Is that a knife?” She asked.
“Fatass over there got a little tempermental,” Hayden snapped.
“Shut the fuck up, you anorexic bitch,” the girl snapped.
“How can I eat when there’s nothing left?” Hayden asked.
“That’s it, you’re gone,” The woman said as she grabbed both the knife and make shift flame thrower, “Hayden, pack your bags. Girls, in the fucking kitchen.”
Hayden knew that she was fucked. She was gonna end up somewhere worse. The girls smirked at Hayden as they followed foster bitch out.
Hayden packed her bags and made her personal call to Tracey.
“Still need a partner in crime?” She asked.
She ended up sleeping at Tracey’s place that night after running out. She never saw Tracey’s place but she knew she lived with her boss and a few other friends. Diaz being one. She woke up and didn’t see the other girl, but heard her a room over.
She walked towards the kitchen in search of food but found that there wasn’t much.
“Heard Tracey brought in a friend,” A voice said. She jumped when she saw Donovan behind her.
“Yeah, I had to get out of that place,” She said.
“System sucks,” He agreed.
She learned how things worked. She was a dealer that didn’t do it. Tracey did. A few others too,but Hayden chose to stay away from them.
“I wish I had your rack at that age,” Tracey grumbled, “Fucking asian genes.”
Hayden looked far older than she was at thirteen going on fourteen with a developed figure, dark make up, tight clothes, and chunky heels.
They were on their way to the club to sell some of Donovan’s stuff, but Donovan knew the owner. A friend of his, so it was one of the few times he came. Hayden didn’t see Donovan much even though she lived in his house. He would just grin at her because she was good at it. She was good at outsmarting people. Hayden still remembered the first time she met him a litt over a year before.
“He’s into you,” Tracey would whisper.
Haydne didn’t realize how she could use that to her advantage until some angry customer came at her because of Tracey.
“Bitch, didn’t deliver everything,” He yelled.
“Well tough shit. Check agian next time,” Hayden snapped. She tried to walk away.
“She better make up for it,” He demanded.
“She’s not around right now,” Hayden growled as she tried to pull her wrist away but he drew her closer.
“Looks like your making up for it,” He said.
Hayden didn’t like the sound of that, so she made a scene.
‘Shut up bitch,” He gritted.
“Excuse me,” her knight in shining armor had arrived. It gave her flashbacks of her pretty friend.
“Donati, your girl didnt deliver. I was hoping this one would be kind enough to make up for it,” The man told him.
“I’m sorry. So because you beileve something that is clealry wrong, you think that you can touch my girl,” Donovan questioned.
“It’s business, kid,” He growled.
“I think you misunderstood,” He said, “I didn’t say one of mine. I said mine as in singular,” Donovan said.
The man’s demeanor changed as he let go of her.
“Do you know what happened last time a man touched something that belonged to me?”
“It was your car,” The man said.
“And what did I do?”
“He’s paralyzed,” The man said. Donovan was playing with a gun now.
“So what do you think would happen to you? Huh?” Dovan went on, “Do anything to any of my girls or boys and I’ll kill you. Do anything to her and you’ll wish you were dead, got it?”
He scampered off leaving her alone.
“Did you really paralyze someone for screwing with your car?” Hayden asked.
Donovan nodded.
“Does that scare you? Do I scare you?” He asked.
Yes
“No,” she lied.
“I meant what I said, ya know. If anyone fucks with you. If anyone screws with you, I’d do worse than kill them,” He told her.
“Why?” She asked as he played with her hair.
“Because you got under my skin. The idea of having someone else’s hands on you makes me vicious,” He told her.
“You don’t even know me,” Hayden responded, her voice shaking a little. Living with Donovan was one thing. She also lived with a few other people. Working for him was a different thing, but being with him. It was alot.
He was behind her now, hands on her body, lips against her ears, “No one would ever fuck with you again. You’d be safe. You’d be feared. You’d have it all.”
That’s all it took. Donovan was power hungry and so was Hayden. After all the shit in her life that she had been through. She couldn't stop the government from taking away her mother. She couldn't stop the government from taking her away. Valerie and Don couldn't give a shit about her. No more men thinking they can have their way. No more girls trying to hit her. No more foster parent that didn't even want her.
She was a person that mattered.
She lost her virginity that night. It hurt but Donovan was surprisingly gentle. She didn't have to go the dingy places as much. Donovan took care of her. She walked around in dresses that were expensive- even if a little too tight.
She went out and for the most part she had fun, she was safe. For awhile atleast
It had it’s downsides. Many other girls were annoyed with her, she didn’t do enough work and reeked the benefits. She fell out of touch with Tracey because she was with Donovan and Tracey became a junkie. She wasn’t allowed to do some stuff like go out without someone.
Donovan changed overtime though. He hit her. She remembered ther first time it happened. He was drunk and she didn’t want to fuck. She called him annoying. He left her alone and cried in the bathroom. He apologized over and over.
There were changes in his demeanor where maybe he squeezed her too hard or something.
A guy tried to dance with her. She had to drag Donovan off of him.
“What the fuck was that?” He yelled at her.
“What the fuck was that?” She yelled, “You could have killed him.”
“What’s going on with you? Huh? Am I not enough for you Hayden?”
“What are you talking about?” She asked him.
“You’re being such a slut,” He sneered, “You’re my girl.”
“I’m your girlfriend. Don’t act like you own me,” She snapped at him. She went to leave him be when he grabbed her and pushed her against the wall.
“You really think you can just walk away? I made you,” He screamed at her.
“Donovan, you’re hurting me,” SHe said.
But he wasn’t done, “You don’t leave me. You got it? You’re mine.”
She ran into Tracey not to long later. She had a bruise on her form arm from Donovan getting angry, but she still looked a hell of alot better than Tracey.
“What are you doing here?” Hayden asked.
“I’m just getting some stuff I left here,” Tracey said. Her eyes were sunken in and her hair was greasy. She smelled horrid too
“You look rough,” Hayden said.
“Yeah. Well not all of us are fucking the boss,” She snapped.
“Hey, you did that to yourself,” Hayden snapped at her, “I’m not the one that decided to become a junkie.”
Tracey glared at her, “Fuck you, Hayden.”
“Yeah, well fuck your right back.”
“Don’t act like your much better than me. You’re fucking Donati to get by. I’m fucking others to get by. Atleast I get paid to be beaten in bed.”
“What?” Hayden asked.
“Donati didn’t tell you?” Tracey laughed, “Figures, no one would touch his virgin Mary.”
“You’re fucking people now,” Hayden asked.
“If you owe money,” Tracey answered.
“How much do you owe?” Hayden asked.
“Alot,” Tracey answered.
Hayden rushed to her, “Tracey, remember when we use to talk about running. Come on, lets go now. Lets do it.”
Tracey looked at her with absent eyes, “Hayden, grow up.”
Hayden cried in the bathroom that day. Marks and bruises covered her body. She turned fourteen last week. If her mother was still around, they would have began planning her quinceanera. She’d be a woman. She was nothing.
She woke up to Diaz yelling in the living room.
“She was a junkie, this is what happens when you fuck up, Diaz,” Donovan was yelling.
“Where the fuck is she, Donati?” He yelled.
Diaz and Donovan weren’t really friends. But they never fought. Not like this.
She walked out to see both bloody.
“Hayden, go back to fucking bed,” He snapped at her.
“Does she know?” He yelled as he pointed to her.
“Know what?” She asked.
“Fuck off,” Donovan snapped at him.
“He killed her. He fucking let Tracey get strangled to death. Then paid him off,” Diaz told her.
Hayden felt her heart stop beating. Tracey was dead. Tracey who was always around. Maybe, Tracey wasn’t her friend in the end. Maybe Tracey got her involved. But she still remembers when Tracey was the best thing in her life.
“You wanna know where she is? I dumped her body in the trash and burned it. No ones gonna give a shit either. Because Tracey Stewart was a nobody.”
Diaz sent one glare at Donovan before running out, leaving the lovers together.
“Baby,” Donovan began.
Hayden couldn’t do it anymore. She ran into their bedroom.
“Baby,” He said.
“Donovan, fuck off,” She sneered.
“Hayden. Listen,” He pleaded, “What are you doing?”
She took a pillow case and began stuffing it with clothes, “I’m leaving you fucking physco path.”
“You don’t mean that,” He said with a dark tone.
“I hate you,” She sneered.
“No you don’t,” He said. SH etried to walk past him when he grabbed her. She jerked away but was quickly shoved into the wall.
“You’re not leaving me,” He said. It was tragic voice that was heartbreaking choatic.
But his hands around her neck distracted her more than anything. SHe couldn’t breathe and her vision began to spot.
“I love you,” He said.
“I love you too,” She lied.
“No. I ruined you,” He cried as his grip on her lightened.
“Donovan, listen,” she pleaded, “I love you. Come on, I love you.”
She talked her way into being back under him. She cried right near the end. Once he was out she took the money from his pocket and headed out.
SHe showed up at Diaz’s place and found her sister. Her piece of shit sister was the last thing she had.
She was gone before morning, finding Valerie Clark’s apartment. Four years since she has last seen the woman.
“Uh,” Her sister had a blank look on her face when she opened up the apartment door.
“Val, I need your help,” SHe said, “It’s Hayden.”
What consisted of an awkward staring over the table as Val rambled about life to her sister while Hayden nervously looked over her shoulder in fear of attack.
“Why didn’t you get me?” Hayden asked. Cutting off the other woman’s speaking.
“Hayden, I was young. I still had so much to live to do and-”
“But you could’ve,” Hayden said, “While I got the shit beat out of me. You could’ve done it.”
Valerie bites her lip, “I couldn’t stay there anymore. I had to leave. I looked you up. You were messy.”
“Because the system is fucking terrible. You know what I have been through?”
Valerie looked down, “Are you a hooker? Are you on drugs?”
“No,” Hayden screamed, “Fuck you.”
“What do you want?” Valerie asked calmly.
“I need a place to stay,” Hayden responded.
It was quiet. Valerie handed her a wad on money, “This is as much as I can do.”
“I hate you,” Hayden hissed.
Valerie let Hayden use her computer to search for a place to stay. She searched her mind for somebody to stay with when she remembered Pretty boy. He was so close to emancipation when she left. He said ‘Beacon Hills’. She searched his full name and ran across a school directory which only listed an address.
“Did you find a place?” Valerie asked her.
“Sure,” Hayden responded,”I better go. It’s out of the way.”
“Here,” Valerie said as she handed Hayden a shitty backpack, “There’s just random crap in there that you might need. I packed sandwiches. Would you want to change or shower. I have some clothes that may be small enough.”
Hayden tried not to cry. She’s cried too much over Valerie never being there.
“I’m fine,” Hayden said, “I’m leaving.”
“Wait, Hayden,” She stopped her.
Hayden knew she could forgive her sister. All she had to say was ‘Let me take care of you’. Hayden needed that. She needed that stability. She didn’t even know if Isaac would help her. She wouldn’t. She was basically a prostitute.
Hayden turned to look at her, praying silently that Valerie would have a change of heart and maybe clear her name and put her in a school. Put her in tutoring so she could catch up because she was so smart.
“Here is my number,” Valerie said as she held out a piece of paper, “Call me when you get there.”
Hayden took the paper and scoffed, “Have a nice life, Val.”
She got to the train station with an hour to spare. She was given odd looks from most people, but no one said anything. She hadn’t smoked in so long that she couldn’t resist the idea of lighting up then.
She looked through her bag and made a quick b-line to the bathroom. She felt dirty. She still smelled like him from the night before. The bruises on her neck were barely covered by her dress. She’d make sure they stayed that way. Isaac of all people wasn’t one to let her play the victim card.
“Mommy, why is she crying?” A little girl pointed at her.
“Come along, sweetie,” The mother rushed her daughter out throwing Hayden a look of judgment mixed with pity. She looked like a whore. She looked like how Tracey did.
Tracey was gone. This was Tacey and hers plan to get train tickets and find a place. Hayden was the brains and Tracey was the bronze. Even if Hayden was the better fighter. There used to be something about the older girl that said ‘don’t fuck with me’ now she’s just a burnt skelton.
Hayden went into the tiny stall and changed out of her underwear, Valerie seemed to drop off left over hygienic stuff like deodorant, a new toothbrush, a compact brush, half a tube of toothpaste, and a few pairs of clean underwear. Hayden found an almost empty thing of eyeliner too. She’s pretty sure that’s left over from something else, but Hayden still puts it on when she cleans herself up as much as she can.
“Running from something?” A woman asked her when she walked in to apply some make up. She’s dressed pristine with her hair up. Hayden feels uncomfortable because she’s almost sure that her leaning stance against the wall allows her dress to ride up for everyone to see the bruises on her thighs.
“You a cop or something?” Hayden asked as she inhales the sweet nicotine.
“No. Never liked them much,” She laughed, “Got a light?”
Hayden raised her eyes when the woman pulled out her own cigarette from her designer bag.
“Thanks kid,” She grinned.
“So who are you running from?” She asked, “You’re clearly not from around here. And you’re clearly on your own and pretty young.”
“I’m running from nowhere,” Hayden answered because that’s how she felt.
The woman sighed, “Yeah. Me too.”
When she boarded the train, she felt scared but also strangely freeing. She wasn’t in a home, She wasn’t waiting on her sister to rescue her, she wasn’t waiting for Donovan to come home. She was alone and that was the best and worst feeling in the world.
“Please, help me,” She prayed for the first time since she was seven.