Chapter Text
Calling his mom was easy. All Jeremy had to do as click a button, and he figured out what he wanted to do with his mom, spend time with her in person. Calling should be easy, but it was so hard to as his thumb hovered over the call button. He stared at the contact picture, it was old. His mom was short and skinny, she looked like she was going to break. Jeremy towered over her at his height, but barely recognized himself in the picture. Jeremy’s hair was long, reaching a few inches past his shoulders and what used to be his bangs a few inches shorter. He hated looking at himself in that picture, it made him look so feminine. Jeremy shook his head, shutting his eyes. He was exhausted, he hadn’t gotten a full night of sleep and just wanted everything to stop feeling so heavy. He laid back on his bed, sighing softly. His bed was a cloud and he was just happy to sleep in it. Slowly, he felt himself drift away from consciousness.
---
Beverly chewed on her- no, his bottom lip as she, he put his hair up. Beverly never was like other girls, and to his dismay, she, HE was never a girl in the first place. He couldn’t figure out new name, and he had always liked being called nicknames that went along with the name, but it always felt so wrong to be called by Beverly. He tied the long, silky brown hair back into a bun, taking his bangs and making them a bit messier, but still there. Recently, she, no, again it was he. He he he. He found out there was a word for what he felt, a word for something he could never describe. Transgender. A person born in the wrong body. That statement was the truth, he never acted “ladylike” nor did he want to. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, finally putting the last clip in. Beverly smiled, for the first time he looked how he wanted, but he could still see how much hair he had. Pausing for a moment, he searched around the room, eventually picking up a blue beanie. It was usually reserved for winter, but the thirteen year old, newly found boy couldn't wait to see what he looked like with his hair somewhat short. He looked great.
Beverly walked out of his room, out to the hallway. “Mom! I’m going to Michael’s!” she- he called out.
“Okay Bevvy, love you honey!” His mother Brenda called out. Beverly smiled. It’s been awhile since she'd said those words to Beverly.
“Love you too!” he called out.
---
Going to Michael’s was easy, so was knocking on the door and going inside, but telling Michael his big secret and why he was wearing some big hat would be another thing to tell him. “Can I talk to you?” Beverly asked after dying the tenth time on their video game. “It’s really important.” he added.
Michael nodded, pausing their game. “Sure thing, Bev. What’s up?” he asked. Michael looked over to Beverly, and his stomach flipped. Beverly noticed it happened a lot more often than it should, but this time concerned it with the news he needed to share with his best friend.
“Um- r-remember when we were uh- when we were looking at a bunch of stuff on the internet last week?” he asked. Michael nodded to confirm it. Beverly played with the sleeves of his shirt. “Well uh- r-remember transgender? I-I think I’m transgender. I- you know, I’ve always said I’m not a girl. I-I’m pretty sure I- I’m a guy.” he spat out. Michael just nodded.
“Do you have a new name you want to go by dude? I can get one of my mom’s to give you a haircut.” Michael offered. Beverly smiled.
“R-really? Mikey I would love that. Names first.” Beverly said.
“What about Robert?” Michael asked. Beverly made a slight face of disgust.
“No.” Beverly shook his head. “I want it to end with a ‘y’, those names are always best, Mikey .” Beverly grinned, elbowing his best friend. Michael thought for a moment.
“Toby.” he suggested.
“No, too short.” Beverly shook his head.
“Bellamy.”
“No, too obscure.” Beverly rolled his eyes.
“It’s not that bad.” Michael shrugged.
“Yes it is.” Beverly shot back.
“Okay, what about Jeremy?” Michael asked. Beverly perked up.
“That’s it! And my full name could be Jeremiah, it’s perfect!” Beverly- Jeremy , exclaimed, a grin present on his face. Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy. The name just fit. Jeremy Heere. He loved it, it was the perfect name.
“Well, Jeremiah, let’s go get you a haircut and play some celebratory video games afterwards.” Michael grinned. Jeremy smiled back, nodding.
“Sounds perfect.” Jeremy grinned back. Unexpectedly, Jeremy threw his arms around Michael’s neck, hugging his best friend tightly. The bean bag chairs they sat on leaned closer, and it felt like the basement crowded with stuff was a place Jeremy Heere no longer had to be Beverly Heere. He was all brand new. “Thank you so much, Mikey.” Jeremy smiled.
Michael melted into the hug. “Anything for you Jere.”
---
Hopefully, telling his mother would go well. He knew it wasn’t likely, when he had come home with his hair cut so short, Brenda called him a dyke, telling him he made a mistake, but Jeremy made no mistake in this. His father told him he liked his haircut. Jeremy liked it too.
A car ride, that’s all it really was. A drive down to a like at night to look at the stars in the peaceful summer night. The air was warm, he didn’t require a jacket. Jeremy has always liked the stars. And the moon, the night sky in general. How everything was so small, all his problems were small considering the vast space. Jeremy could only wonder if he looked like the night sky as Michael always told him. Always comparing Jeremy’s face to a certain constellation when Jeremy was sad. It always managed to cheer him up when he would trace out things on his face, the freckles on Jeremy splattered across him the same way the stars did with the stars. He laughed and joked with his mom, and it was the perfect moment. The best night he had with his mom, until he ruined it.
“Mom?” Jeremy spoke up after a few moments of comfortable silence.
“Yes Bevvy?” Brenda asked, turning towards Jeremy, who she, at the moment thought of as her daughter.
“I-I think I- I’m not a girl, and I’m not a Beverly.” Jeremy said. “I’m a boy, and I’m a Jeremy. Or a Jeremiah, if we want to go full name.”
Brenda went quiet. “Let’s go home.” she said, standing back up. Jeremy looked back to her, worried. He fucked up and he knew otc the dark feeling of bitterness, regret, and sadness bubbled inside, stirring together like a cocktail of misery, though Jeremy had already drank the entirety of the concoction as the words he spoke spewed from his mouth.
“Mom, I-”
“I said let’s go home, Beverly Ann.” she said, adding his middle name. Her voice was thick, cold as ice, not being melted by the hot air of the summer night. Jeremy turned to the sky, but found his answers were not always in the stars.
Jeremy sat in the passenger seat, Brenda starting up the car. “Mom, I’m so-”
“Save it.” she commanded. Jeremy looked down to his lap, swallowing thickly. Everything was ruined and it was his fault. “I thought I raised you better than this, Beverly. Now you're getting brainwashed by tumblr and Michael. I knew the second I met his mothers I should have stopped that friendship while I still could.” Brenda hissed. Jeremy felt the burn of his eyes, his nose beginning to sing as well. He blinked quickly, taking a few deep breaths. “That's it, no more Michael, no more internet.” his might said firmly. Anger bubbled up in his stomach. As if he would follow the no Michael rule.
“Fine, do it, just try to the everything away from me, I’ll still be a boy.” Jeremy wondered, crossing his arms and looking away from his mom. Jeremy felt the tears fall from his eyes, but quickly wolfed them away. She wasn't with his tears.
---
Jeremy woke up back in his room an hour later, tears streaking his eyes. Jeremy wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands, clearing his throat and sniffling. Jeremy sighed a bit, dialing his mom’s number. They had come a long way, she called him Jeremy and called him her son. Jeremy waited for her to answer, then getting her voice in the line. “Mom, let's go to the mall together.”