Chapter Text
It was shivering cold here at the road, and the wind attacked everything in their path roughly. The trees soaring high were shaken; causing the leaves left their home up there, only to be blown once again when they reached the ground. People shuddered under their clothes, with haste in their faces. They kept on thumping their feet and crossed the street in hurry after the red light showed up.
The flocked cars waited for the green light. Some with patient and some didn’t. There might at least one or two cars among them which blew the horn. And that my friend, was like hearing an ensemble. Like hearing a huge Korean folk ensemble which started by only one sound, then followed by others. You were wrong to say it was a harmonious sound, apparently it was not. It was rather disturbing one. Not to mention the curses coming out from lots of directions.
Once again Seven put on the head phone and cover his head with his hooded. His legs took him wherever they seemed fit.
There was no song coming out from the head phone, just a camouflage for the others that he was not to be disturbed. Especially for Eun Ha, the angel he left behind at Rika’s office tel. He turned left at the crossroads, a grim on his handsome face. He needed this walk. Away from Eun Ha.
The sweet maiden coming from good family didn’t deserve someone like him to stand by her side. His life was a bleak. Moreover, the one whom Seven trust the most betrayed him. V neglected his promise to take care of Saeran and kept his silence about it. V gave him nothing to explain about Saeran, yet afraid of Seven rummaging the drawer filled with letters.
The rage was coming toward him once again. “How bloody important those letters are?! Love letters between V and Rika?! Give me a break!” he growled inside
Leaving Saeran was the hardest thing to do. But he fully trusted V’s words about keeping Saeran safe at that time. Safe from any harm; their lunatic mother and their father. Seven often saw his biological father’s face on TV. He was so powerful, famous, and rich. But their father had them without marrying their mother, so, their only existence could mean catastrophe for his career. Moreover the mother blackmailed her past lover to reveal the truth and get some money in return. Thus, the father sent his assasins to get rid of the boys. She was so afraid to lose her children. But not because of affection for her sons, more like, she was scared she would lose tools to make money.
All those years Seven could only pray for Saeran’s safety. It was okay if he was hurt but not Saeran. Saeran was so nice but weak, he deserved a better life. Seven prayed to get stronger, and smarter, so that he could save Saeran and take him to a better place. Somewhere outside the living hell. Away from their mother. And away from their father’s surveillance.
Seven still remembered that day; the day when V suddenly came to him after the mass.
“There was one way.. to stay out of your father’s eyes forever,” V said
He then told Seven to join the secret intelligent agency and leave the trail of his own existence. Therefore their father couldn’t trace him again. Therefore, he could finally live freely. Free from those who meant to harm him and Saeran.
But the price was way too high. He needed to let go of Saeran.
“The agency will not accept you if you have family,” V told him
Seven was utterly shock. He could never abandon Saeran. After all these times.. He promised to get out together from their house, to live on their own, to be free once and for all.. Yet, the only offer he got from V was to leave Saeran behind. To leave Saeran and continue his life as a secret agent, that V and Rika would take a very good care of Saeran.. But all those words were empty right now. Saeran stood in front of him as the archenemy yesterday. “How the hell did Saeran know how to hack?” Seven pondered in frustration
Apparently his legs made a good job leading him. He had arrived precisely at the place where he left his sport car. It was an abandoned basement garage that he managed to find through his satellite on his way to Eun Ha’s place.
He thrusted the car keys and started the engine the moment after.
Speeding like this was thrilled for Seven. This was his way out from the stress he dealt with the agency and his guilt for Saeran. Some time, he wished for his life to be taken away while speeding, so that he would never suffer again from the guilt. But perhaps God loved him in a way he never understood, God spared his life repeatedly. Whenever he was at the peak of danger while doing the dangerous work for the agency, he managed to get away safely, unlike the rest of other agents.
Some time, he cursed his life. He should’ve say no to V when he offered him a life as secret agent. He should’ve rebel and took Saeran out from the house, and lived silently by themselves somewhere outside everyone’s radar. They could’ve got on a night buss and left to spend the rest of their lives living as villager. Perhaps the assasins their father hired would not follow them that far.
Should, could, perhaps, three sickening words he knew he never accomplished. There was no time turner. What was done couldn’t be erased. It would still linger, chocking him to death.
Tears were running down from his eyes once again. Somehow he remembered his harsh words to Eun Ha. She shouldn’t be treated that way, but it was necessary. Why didn’t she get it? What did she want from a wrecked person like him? He was nothing but sorrow. Nothing.. without rage.
Seven kept on speeding until the city lights disappeared behind him. He was used to go far away up to the hill and gazed at the city light that spread beneath him. It soothed him. The silence, the stars.. Stars.. Galaxy.. Milky Way.. Eun Ha..
His legs couldn’t support his body any longer that he fell, kneeling, while his hand gripped the fence up the hill firmly. He clenched his chest with his other hand and wept as hard as he could. No one could hear him from up here, he was safe. He could be his real self. The dark and pessimistic Saeyoung, not the happy-go-lucky Seven he always showed in the chat room. Seven, Choi Luciel, Defender of Justice, they were all his masks to hide his true self, Choi Saeyoung.
But why did he cry so much? Why did he have a slight hope that he too deserved to have a happy life? A life together with Eun Ha and Saeran, with RFA.. To create the long lost family he always desire. The time that he was so loved by the loving parents and had a stable job, and a cute, kind, angel-like girlfriend like Eun Ha. When he and Saeran worked side by side at a cubicle at their office.. A simple commoner life like that.. Why couldn’t he get it?
He punished himself. Such thing like those would never come true to the sinner like him. He was not to be forgiven. Not by Saeran.. And especially not by Eun Ha.
Seven pulled out his phone and stared at the app he created for RFA. It was around 4 years ago he began developing the app. From the moment Rika asked him to join hosting a charity party until the time when she asked to plant a bomb as special security system in her own office tel.. He did all those things according to her will. Without further questions.
How fool could he be.. To blindly trust V, and kept on believing Saeran was safe somewhere. He should’ve known better since Rika’s suicide a year and a half ago. That there was something wrong with that turquoise haired guy. Yoosung was right from the beginning. V was the one at fault.
No one needed to trust V any longer. He needed to tell every member of RFA the truth about V. That he should not be trusted. And perhaps.. Seven should give them a glimpse of Saeran. Not to mention he had already blabbered things about Saeran in the previous conversation with V and Eun Ha.. He should tell them, how V lied to Seven that he would take a good care of Saeran after Seven joined the agency.. How he avoided him.. Although it was up to everyone’s perception about V. Whether they would receive Seven’s concern or not, it was not something he should be worry about.
He would no longer participate in the party that V authorized, so he cared no longer.. He hoped if he left the words here in the chat room, Eun Ha and everyone else might read it in the morning. They would be shocked, that was likely. But once again, it was necessary. He should cut ties with RFA after all of this solved. He would get Saeran from whatever he dwelt on and preceded his dreams of living together with his twin. That was his plan. There was no RFA or Eun Ha anymore.
It was almost 3 in the morning when Seven returned to the office tel; he didn’t dare leaving Eun Ha for a very long time. No one knew what was gonna happen hence he left longer than that..
The room was still the same, his equipments still stand by, Meowy was still in sleep-mode, all the rooms were still bright.. He took a peak inside the bedroom. The door was not closed, he heavily sauntered inside.
“Eun Ha..” Seven called faintly, “You’re asleep,”
Eun Ha was fast asleep in her bed. Covered herself with blanket, he found trace of tears from her face. She looked exhausted and drained, just like how she was when he found her at the food stall a couple days ago. Somehow his past memory resurfaced. She called one name when she was drunk.
Zen..
What was wrong with her and Zen by the way? He had no time to ask more. Saeran’s insistent attacks made him unable to deal with anything other than Eun Ha’s safety.
“I’m sorry..” he said, reaching the tip of her long brown hair, a grim on his face, “I must have hurt you by saying all those things.. But you still managed to smile,”
He kneeled beside her and scanned her face intently. She was so quiet..
“You can get angry at me.. but seeing you reminds me of the Seven in the messenger..” he murmured, “You are so alike with Seven, but I suppose you and Saeyoung are nothing alike,” he added sotto voce, “Saeyoung is so dark and pessimistic that he can’t be with you.. I want you to know that..” he muttered, the words seemed stuck inside his throat, “I can no longer wear the mask of the happy-go-lucky Seven.. This complicated and icy person is me..”
Eun Ha let out a faint sigh, and shifted for only one millimeter. Seven shut his mouth, afraid of his voice waking her up. But there was no movement from the girl anymore, so he continued to kneel beside her. So beautiful she was indeed. The last time they were in this situation was when he brought her here when she was drunk. Drunk because of the thing between her and Zen. A dull ache filled his heart.
“Eun Ha.. I’m sorry.. It’s just.. I want you to realize that and be disappointed in me.. So please don’t waste your feelings on me.. I’m not a fun cool person.. Unlike Zen or anyone else, I can put you in danger..” he recoiled, sitting down with his back leaned on the side of the bed, “But you’re a strange person, so you won’t understand what I say.. And I’ll end up hurting you again when you open your eyes..”
He closed his eyes and slowly hugged his own legs.
“No.. you’re not a strange peson,” he disputed his own sentence, “The one who’s strange is me.. You’re actually so warm and nice.. So I sometimes dream of you accepting the real me someday,” he chukled in pain, “Of course it’s a ridiculous dream.. but thank you for letting me dream at least..” he smiled
Then he stood, and turned around to see Eun Ha’s quiet phase, “Eun Ha..” he said, reaching his hand to pat her head but to no avail, he pulled back his hand, “Please remember me in your dreams.. Don’t trust V.. and even me..” he added, “Don’t give your feelings to anyone in the RFA..”
He grimaced. He couldn’t bear to see Eun Ha ended up with anyone in RFA. Not Jumin, not Yoosung, and very big no to Zen.. Zen made her cry, that was what he could conclude from the drained on her face that late night; though he didn’t know the reason.
“Please..” he begged, “Please be less nice to me.. so that you won’t be hurt when I disappear..” he added, slowly turning his back on her, “Don’t trust anyone and stay safe.. Forget about me.. And be happy.. Letting me protect you is much more than I deserve.. that is enough for Saeyoung..”
And with that last sentence, he left the bedroom, to return to his corner.
---
Eun Ha slowly opened her eyes. She heard everything Seven uttered before. Or perhaps.. Saeyoung’s.. She had a thought it would be Seven’s real name. Jumin once told her that Choi Luciel was only Seven’s baptismal name, but his real name was still unknown. And for the first time, Eun Ha heard before anyone else, his real name was Saeyoung..
She could feel her eyes watering once again. She knew she was correct about the whole time.. Seven cared deeply for her. He was just afraid of her getting hurt.. But what he didn’t know.. She rather took a bullet or die from falling of cliffs than having a minute away from Seven’s existence. She knew it by heart.
True, she didn’t deny it was a mere few days ago when she dreamt of being with Zen, but being with Seven was so much more than that. Seven was Eun Ha’s first friend. The very first person to make a joke for her and the one who made her smile the most. All of those bows whenever she went out from the office tel, all of those calls to soothe her down whenever bad things happened, all of those pranks they created together to cajole every member of RFA, all of those random chats they went on all night long.. Those things were not for nothing.. Both of them had a deep connection between each other. She could feel it, she could sense it with all of her five senses..
She slowly wiped the tears in her cheeks. She didn’t want Seven realize she was wide awake when he uttered all those words for her. Let all those words be saved inside her brain. He didn’t need to know..
Eun Ha rose from her bed at 8 in the morning. She was wide awake for the remaining dawn but she kept pretending to stay deep in her slumber. Seven needed time for his own. And when the time was right, she pretended having just awoken and walked out of the bedroom.
She read all those words Seven wrote in the chat room at two am. He told RFA members not to trust V any longer and about Saeran. Zen and Jumin was the first to show up in the chat room that morning. As usual, Zen was heated so easily, while Jumin kept his usual demeanour, calm and stiff, like nothing Seven uttered matter that much. But Jumin disagreed for one thing which Eun Ha supported as well, RFA Party must still go on.
Eun Ha could understand how Seven might feel when he decided to let go everything about RFA. Everything was all about Saeran at the present time. She already received the rejections from him, but it was the first time ever for RFA members. Of course everyone was confused with Seven’s change of attitude.
She plopped her body to the sofa. Seven was directly in front of her; just around 4 meters away. But still, he kept facing the wall. At sudden, her stomach growled. She covered it immediately. She blushed. Seven didn’t hear it, right? Another few seconds passed, Seven didn’t flinch. She let out a faint sigh. She would be freakishly embarrassed hence he heard the growling. That was not so ladylike! As a matter of fact, she didn’t remember the last time she ate something. Probably none. But she wouldn’t think of it much, she was not hungry.
Without her knowledge, it was almost noon. Yoosung joined the chat room, and Seven joined as well. Eun Ha followed their conversation, but could only feel heart ache when they were done talking. Yoosung must hurt so much when Seven told him their friendship was only temporary. Eun Ha remembered at the first day she met Yoosung, he told her his favourite movie was The Lord of The Rings. And he watched those three movies non-stop with Seven. They shared a deep bond. Even though Yoosung was the one who was bullied by Seven in the chat room, he never truly angry at Seven. Yoosung regarded Seven as his best friend among other RFA members. Especially when their age was not far from each other. Eun Ha knew how broke his heart might be, but she could only tell him Seven didn’t mean that way.
“Cheer up, meow! You’re with the person you like, meow!”
The cat robot Seven created was awaken again. It hopped from the table, then to the chair, when finally landed nicely on the ground. It began walking toward Seven while its tail wriggling at the same speed. It sat next to Seven and rubbed its face to Seven’s left thigh.
Seven clucked in his annoyance, “Why is this on again?”
“I turn on when I sense depression, meow! You’re with the person you like, meow!” Meowy replied him, “You like her, meow! You like her, meow! You like her, meow!”
The cat robot kept on chanting “You like her, meow!” with its high voice. Eun Ha couldn’t help but feeling her cheeks rose at the information. “You’re with the person you like, meow!” And nobody was around except Seven and Eun Ha.. That could only mean Seven truly like her. She blushed.
But that only lasted for a few more seconds, as the next thing Eun Ha saw, the cat robot was flying and then smashed to the ground, shattered, unable to move or talk anymore. Seven threw it so far. He didn’t even glance to every other directions other than the laptops. It thrilled her.
She dashed toward the cat robot and examined it closely. It was completely broken. All the wires were jolted in every direction, the head and the body were separated. She realized her hand was shaking when she tried to reach the robot, but she covered it and turned to Seven.
“You broke it!” she blustered, “Why did you do it..” she wailed, “Can we fix it..?”
Eun Ha gently grabbed the cat robot from the ground and placed it on the table once more.
“I’ll throw it away later,” Seven retorted calmly, “That’s useless,”
“No, you specifically said you’ll create an army of cats to protect me.. That is not something you could easily throw away!” she snapped
“Trust me.. It’s easy..” he answered with his eyes still fixed at the laptops, “And I’ll be leaving soon, so just forget about me,”
She held her fist. How could he be non chalant for everything he uttered? How long did he wish to lie in front of Eun Ha? She had enough of this shit.
“Why are you protecting me if you’re going to leave soon?! You can just leave right now!” she blazed, pointing her fingers to the door
She succeeded. Seven was no longer sat on his spot but rushed toward Eun Ha.
“And tell me right now! How are you going to stay safe on your own?! Are you even thinking right now?!” pointing his index finger to his temple, he snapped at the higher level of voice, “It’s all my fault that you’re in this situation. Don’t think about me, just think about protecting yourself!”
Eun Ha flinched. Seven’s eyes were widely opened. Red strings could be seen in his eyes, the sign of sleep deprived and exhaustion. Seven worked too hard that he neglected his need to sleep. It was not going to work out well if this continued.
“Then..” she murmured, looking down to his cross necklace that he wore, “If I keep being in danger, will you stay with me?”
Seven spatted again, “Why the hell would you say that?! Do you want to be in danger?! Is that what you really think?!” Seven’s chest turned upside down before he continued, “Your whole life will be about being nervous that someone will notice you! Is that the life you stupidly want?!”
Eun Ha said nothing.
“You’re so similar with Yoosung,” he jibed, “You don’t have a care in the world regardless of what’s going on..”
“I just want to be with you, because I like you..” she responsed faintly
“How many times do I have to repeat myself?! I can’t be with you! We can’t be anything together!” he shouted, “Everything that surrounds me.. they are all things that will disappear from the temporary life created by the secret agent named Seven! My house, my cars, RFA, you, this place, everything.. One day they will disappear like a morning fog!” he walked closer to Eun Ha and muttered the words closely face to face, exhaustion was the only thing that lingered there, “A real life, real things that I have.. don’t ever think or hope those things can exist..”
Eun Ha wanted to say something but Seven cut it again.
“Yoosung, Eun Ha, all the members.. Even if you say that you like me.. my life…” he choked, “My life can’t embrace anything..” he sulked, looking soullessly toward Eun Ha, “You don’t know how it feels to live that kind of life.. So don’t be nice to me when you don’t know anything! Please, get away from me.. Just leave me alone,” he pleaded, “The person you like is the Seven in the chat room, not me!”
And by the last sentence, he tried to saunter away, back to his spot. But before he could move another step, Eun Ha was already getting him a back hug.
“Then please let me understand the person in front of me..” she said, tightened her grip around Seven’s stomach
She could feel his body trembling at her touch, but she didn’t care. She had been longing at this touch. She needed to tell him that no matter how many times he pushed her away, she wouldn’t budge. She would always be there for him. Seven could barely move.
“Eun Ha…” he called, his voice was trembling, “Why are you doing this to me?”
She could feel his muscle tensed and his body shaken. But for that exact reason, she tightened her arms in his stomach and pressed her cheeks to his back.
“I told you.. even if you say that, I can’t embrace anything..” he said, lifting his right hand to cover his face, “My life was wrong from the beginning.. It’s a dangerous life and filled with lies.. I couldn’t even protect my one and only brother, and I have to abandon the person I like.. My life is good for nothing.. I don’t want to involve you in that kind of life.. Why can’t you understand me?”
Eun Ha’s mouth was dried. A bitter taste started to roam inside her mouth. In her last energy, she answered him, “I like the Seven in front of me.. Regardless of how complicated you life is, I want to know..”
“Eun Ha.. Don’t do this, please..” he said between his sobbing, “I.. I.. I want to cherish you.. I want to make you happy, but I can’t.. Why do you want to be with me when I’m so dangerous? Why do you like me?!” he growled
“You’re my best friend, Seven.. There’s no reason.. I love all of you.. Seven, Luciel, Saeyoung…” she said, and she felt he flinched when she mentioned his real name, “That’s how I feel..”
“How..?” he choked, “How do you know that name?!”
“I’m so sorry.. I have to pretend I was asleep..” she replied, and Seven hissed, “Sorry..”
“You’re impossible, Eun Ha..” he hissed, “You’re so strange.. I feel like I’m going strange too.. Why aren’t you giving up?! Why aren’t you getting hurt and abandoning me? What are you going to do if something happens to you because of me?!”
She smiled, “I’m okay with that.. I don’t regret my feelings for you.. I’ll be with you always.. I.. love you..”
Then.. at the last word, everything around her was blurred. Her vision only separated between black and white. Colors disappeared from her life. She could no longer feel her legs, and her hands went limply to her body. She felt so cold despite the summer heat outside the office tel. She didn’t feel anything anymore. She could only hear a faint thump somewhere far and a person shouted something. Who was this person? She had no idea as her all her senses suddenly shut off. The only thing she could see was pitch black.