Chapter Text
Lucifer and Gabriel
Gabriel didn’t speak to Lucifer for a century after his return.
He spent that time with Raphael, with his Nestmates, with his father, with his children and Kali. It was easy to avoid Lucifer, and that’s exactly what Gabriel did.
But one day he got tired of avoiding an inevitable meeting, and he flew to Lucifer’s nest.
It was isolated from the rest of Heaven; Gabriel could hardly hear the choir. None of Lucifer’s possessions from before the Fall were there except a harp. Gabriel had helped him to build it.
Lucifer lay in his True Form. For a moment, Gabriel dared to hope that he was sleeping, but then he heard, are you coming in, brother?
I do not know. Where is your blade?
Lucifer tossed Gabriel the sword, and Gabriel put it down quickly.
Say what you need to say. Lucifer raised himself to a seated position. I will listen.
What if I have nothing to say?
Then why are you here? To kill me?
I’m not you, brother. Gabriel looked away. I do not know why I am here. Father conveyed your apology to me.
I am sorry, Gabriel.
You killed me! Gabriel’s wings rose in anger. You didn’t have to kill me, but you did. You promised you would never hurt me, went unspoken.
You are right. Grief was heavy in the Morning Star’s voice. You were right then. But…I was too far gone, Gabriel. You could never have helped me. I know your words were meant to help me, but all I could hear was condemnation.
Gabriel swallowed. I suppose I was trying to kill you. But I didn’t want to either.
No one makes us do anything.
No one but ourselves. That’s the burden and the joy of free will.
Lucifer spread his wings; they fluttered helplessly. I acknowledge the hurt I have done to you, Gabriel. I do not know what else to do to make it up to you, but whatever it is I will do it.
Gabriel didn’t know either. Now that he was here, what did he want from Lucifer?
If our positions were reversed…if I had killed you and damned you to Purgatory because of how you interpreted Father’s will…if it had been over a thousand years since that decision had been made, what would you do?
I would be afraid, Lucifer replied. I would worry that your apology was insincere, but I would trust Father when he said that it was. I would…I would try to trust you again, but take my time in doing so, because you hurt me, but I would give you a chance, because in your shoes I would have done the same thing. His brother’s Grace trembled with pain. I would want to be brothers again, and hope that it was possible, but be slow to believe it.
Gabriel stood in silence for a minute. People have always said I take after you.
The hope radiating from Lucifer’s Grace was nearly blinding. I wanted to take it back the moment I did it, brother.
I was not angry that you killed me, Gabriel whispered. I was angry that my death was not enough to make you stop.
Nothing would have been enough, little brother. Nothing would have stopped me. You should have been, but that is not your fault. It is mine.
Gabriel hesitated for one more minute. What do you want from me, Lucifer?
I want…I want a chance to be your brother again. Away from the Apocalypse, away from all of this hurt.
And Gabriel believed him. He reached out with his Grace, brushing his wings against Lucifer’s. I can give you that chance…brother.
Michael and Raphael
Was it worth it, brother? Raphael asked Gabriel. Was it worth it to speak with him?
Gabriel nodded. It was not an easy conversation. But all he asked for was a chance, and his remorse was genuine. I believe that Father was right.
Raphael considered this news. Do you think I should speak to Michael?
I cannot tell you, sister. Are you ready to confront that past?
A past of broken promises, of control, of torture, and of blind obedience.
Samuel and Adam were.
You are not Samuel or Adam. You are Raphael, and your experience remains your own. Michael sinned against you.
Father forgave him.
You aren’t Father either.
Raphael’s wings fluttered. If I go, will you be here when I come back?
I will. Gabriel wrapped his wings around her. My anger with Michael doesn’t demand action. Not yet. My Nestlings are not fully healed.
Still? That upset Raphael.
They are nearly better. But until they have fully lost their trauma, I cannot approach our brother.
My Nestlings are already gone, Raphael replied. I suppose I was only waiting for myself.
With that, before she lost her courage, Raphael flew towards Michael.
When she landed, Michael leapt away from her. Raphael?
It was so bizarre to see her older brother so terrified. He’d never shown fear that Raphael could remember, not even when they realized that Father was gone.
I am not going to hurt you, Michael. Raphael drew her blade and placed it on the ground. They were standing in an empty field, sun high in the sky. Raphael looked around, searching for the source of this Heaven. She spotted a family several yards away—two mothers and a little child.
Whose Heaven is this?
The child’s. This was the last time she had a picnic with her mothers. She was hit by a car two days later.
Raphael winced. Why here?
I move between Heavens. I—Father has given me work, to ensure the structural integrity.
Then Michael did something else that shocked Raphael. He fell to his knees in front of her.
Forgive me sister. I am so sorry.
How can I? Raphael blurted out. You took away…my self. My person. And you gave me over to Naomi. She remembered a frightening question. Did you make me fall in love with her, before you Fell?
Michael recoiled in horror. No! Of course not!
Raphael nodded, satisfied. It made more sense that way. Michael had just wanted her compliant; that didn’t need romance.
Why should I forgive you, Michael? Raphael asked. What can be gained from this? The past cannot be undone.
I understand that. Michael’s misery was clear in every pulse of his Grace. But you deserve to know that it was not you that caused my actions.
What do you mean?
I mean that you had done nothing to hurt me, to make me think you were disloyal. And yet I treated you like a criminal.
All I ever wanted was to make you happy! Raphael exploded. You were my Nester, I loved you, and you turned me into an—an extension of yourself!
Yes.
How do you think it made me feel when my torture was reversed? When I realized what you had done?
I failed Lucifer! Michael cried out. I couldn’t bear to lose you too.
Raphael’s wings were flared high, and to her shock Michael’s fell down. He’d never backed down from her challenge.
Say what you mean.
I thought I was too easy on Lucifer, Michael choked out. I was his Nester too, remember? I didn’t teach him properly. It killed part of me to throw him down to Hell. I couldn’t let you have the same fate.
Why not trust me? Raphael whispered. Why not teach me yourself?
Naomi knew how to get results, Michael admitted. I did not trust myself to help you, and it seemed to work. You were my little sister again, and you did not grieve so deeply.
Until the torture was reversed. The day she remembered how much it hurt to watch her Nestlings turn on her, to watch them Fall, watch them die…
They weren’t archangels. They didn’t survive the Fall.
Michael nodded. I know. None of what I did was right. I should have supervised Naomi. I should have trusted you. I should never have followed the orders that tore our family apart.
You were not the only one, Raphael replied. My decisions were my own at some point. I have done things I am not proud of. She shook out her feathers. Brother, I came here thinking I would not forgive you. I didn’t think you deserved it. Even if you repented for Father, that does not mean you repented for me.
Michael bowed his head. I respect your decision, little sister.
You’re not listening, Michael. You must learn to do that.
There was a pause, and then Michael looked up at her. You have…changed your mind?
For a second Raphael felt like a fledgling again, wanting to make people feel better when they were sad.
I have. Do not make me regret it.
You never will, little sun. I promise you.
That nickname—one she hadn’t heard in thousands of years—drove Raphael down too. Michael’s wings were around her, and she was okay with that.
It felt like she’d come home at last.
I needed you, she sobbed. I needed you, brother.
I let you down, Michael answered. He drew her closer. I never will again.
Gabriel and Michael
Brother?
Gabriel whirled. Michael stood some distance away.
Gabriel brought up his blade. Go away.
He was about to fly away, but then he heard familiar voices.
Hide, he snapped at Michael.
Michael moved his hand in a circle, creating a bush large enough to hide the both of them. Gabriel crouched down as the speakers grew closer; Lisa and Balthazar, walking through the garden.
“How is Gabriel?” Lisa asked.
“He’s doing well. He is expecting a child with Kali.”
“The world better brace itself,” Lisa laughed, but her expression sobered. “But I meant with the archangels back…his brothers…”
“I know he spoke to Lucifer about twenty years ago,” Balthazar mused. “But he hasn’t spoken to Michael, from what I understand.”
“You sound confused.”
“I am.” Balthazar sighed. “Michael never did anything to Gabriel directly. He cast Lucifer out, of course, but Gabriel was left in peace.”
“But he let you and your Nest be hurt.”
Balthazar ran a hand through Lisa’s hair. “Yes, but I’ve forgiven that.”
Gabriel jerked in surprise.
“Have you?”
“Of course. I cannot forgive him for my siblings, but that’s not my place anyways. Their forgiveness belongs to them. And Gabriel’s forgiveness belongs to him, too. It would break my heart if he thought he would hurt us, or betray us. They are still brothers. And I know that Gabriel wants things back to the way they once were.”
“Maybe that will happen.”
“I hope so. Now come, my lady. Ben and Krissy are expecting us.”
The two walked off.
Michael vanished the bush and walked away.
Michael. Gabriel struggled against every instinct he’d developed in the last few millennia; think of others, think of others, your own wishes aren’t as important as the group at large. He wanted his children and his Nestlings to be safe, they came first. They always did.
But if they didn’t want that, if they truly felt like his forgiveness didn’t depend on theirs…
If it had been anyone but Balthazar, Gabriel might have wondered. But Balthazar was much more private than his siblings, even after all this time. He listened and contributed, but he didn’t share outside the circle. If he was talking to Lisa about this, not only did he mean it, he was comfortable with the idea.
And as much as he loved his Nestling, Balthazar was not the most ‘emotionally wise’ person he’d ever met.
Michael, I…
You don’t have to follow his word, Gabriel. I sinned against your Nestlings, because I was afraid that Lucifer’s influence had extended to them through you.
In what universe did you see me under Lucifer’s influence? He’d loved his brother, certainly, but the day of the Fall, he’d stood with Father, weeping as Michael cast Lucifer down.
He was your Nester. You always asked questions the way he did. I worried he’d raised you that way, and you were doing the same for your Nestlings.
Gabriel wanted to contradict Michael, but he wasn’t entirely wrong. That did no harm.
But it did to Lucifer. And when you left, I thought…well, I thought perhaps you loved me enough not to fight me, but not enough to stay. I thought I was right.
Tangled emotions and memories rose in Gabriel. But the clearest one was just a moment ago with Balthazar.
I forgive you for what you did to me, Michael. And if you saw things that way…I suppose I can understand what you did to my Nestlings.
Michael stared at him. I promise you, brother, I never understood the full extent of what Naomi was doing. I didn’t care to check, and that was my greatest sin. Raphael has taught me that much.
Gabriel wondered what to do for a minute. What was there to say now? How could they start over—or start again, really. There was no going back.
Then he had it.
You say Father has you doing work. Can I help you?
He’d said that so many times as a fledgling, in awe of his oldest brother and all his responsibilities.
And just like then, Michael smiled. But it was an older, wiser smile, the smile of someone who has harmed and been harmed, and wants to try again.
Of course, little brother.
Raphael and Lucifer
Raphael ran into Lucifer by accident. She was flying across Heaven to meet with Father, and she wasn’t expecting to literally fly into Lucifer.
But her wing slamming into Lucifer with all the force she could muster wasn’t an accident.
Lucifer jumped away. He looked bewildered, as if he couldn’t see her. Or if he could, then he didn’t know why she was attacking him.
Raphael didn’t care. She attacked again, this time drawing her blade.
Lucifer had recovered from his shock now, enough to block her blade with his own. Raphael, stop!
Do not dare to tell me what to do! Raphael shrieked. She met his blade again, swinging her wings wide. You took my Nestlings!
Lucifer flew backwards, far enough for him to put up a shield. Raphael bounced off of it, and shrieked again in fury.
Lucifer was curled in defence, his blade up and his eyes on Raphael. Do not do this, Raphael.
You took my Nestlings! Raphael threw herself against the barrier, screaming again when she fell backwards.
I understand your anger, Raphael. And if you want to harm me, do it. But don’t do this here.
Raphael knew where they were standing. It was a part of Heaven stitched together after Lucifer’s Fall, after the burning and the fighting.
But once it was her Nest, her Nest where she’d raised all her Nestlings.
She could still feel the remnants of their Graces, mingled together to form the secure, cozy place they’d played and learned and grown. It was so faint, but if she closed her eyes, she could almost hear their voices.
There were only four of them—Elia, Tristan, Willa and Nemo. Father had only had the time to give her those four. And you are young Raphael. You may have more soon.
All four showed a gift for healing, so Raphael taught them all she knew. But they were also singers, and sang in Heaven’s choir. That was where they came under Lucifer’s control.
Nemo, her youngest, was the only one who hadn’t joined Lucifer’s cause. He’d come to her with worry. Raphael went to Michael. And on the day they fought, Nemo was killed and the other three refused to repent, and were doomed to Fall.
What are you doing here? Raphael whispered. Haven’t you taken enough from me?
I was about to leave, Lucifer answered. I was just flying, and I felt a pull to this place.
You are not welcome.
I see that. Raphael…they did not join me to hurt you.
Raphael snarled. You do not get to speak for them!
I am the only one who can. Lucifer’s wings fluttered with agitation. They had free will, Raphael, and they wanted to heal the world. You taught them to care for all living things, and they saw that humans were the most dangerous creation. They hoped you would follow me too. They were devastated when you chose to fight against them.
I fought against you! You wanted to pull down what Father created, you wanted the throne. I wasn’t going to give it to you.
I know. I know, Raphael. And if I could have protected them, I would have. You know I didn’t kill them.
One of yours killed Nemo.
Elowen fell, Raphael. She was…more dangerous than I understood. When we fought, I gave the word that no angel would die. Elowen didn’t listen. If I had won, I guarantee that she would have been punished.
Raphael didn’t want to believe him. It was easier to let her grief control her, to let the memories consume her and guard against the future.
But Lucifer stood before her, and he was telling the truth. Elowen was one who’d been raised by Father outside of the Archangel’s Nests. One of the first to join Lucifer’s side, she’d terrified Raphael.
You still started it. A childish expression, perhaps, to describe the entire destruction of Heaven, of the way they’d grown up.
I know. And no matter what I do, I cannot take it back. The only thing I can do is give you the truth, and that is insufficient. The barrier came down. If you wish to fight me, name the time and place, and I will meet you there.
What good does that do for me? Raphael vanished her blade. Will that bring back my Nestlings?
I am surprised Father hasn’t brought them back, Lucifer mumbled.
Raphael flinched. Almost two thousand years before, the day Father returned, so many angels were revived, but none of her Nestlings. She couldn’t bring herself to ask why, not once.
Maybe she could now.
Do you know why?
I believe Father tried, but they were no longer angels.
What?
Elia, Willow and Tristan’s Graces survived the Fall, and they were reborn as humans, similar to Gabriel’s Anna. They were born, and lived, and died.
So they’re here? Raphael caught her breath. All this time, had they been under her nose?
They were reborn many times, Lucifer answered. I believe they are alive right now.
Raphael grabbed hold of him. The only ones who are reborn are those who are neither good nor bad.
To get another chance. I know. Lucifer looked away. They have been doing so for millennia, Raphael. They haven’t made it to Heaven.
Why?
Perhaps they keep losing their way, as they…as they once did when they had Grace.
Raphael flinched. I want to help them. And I want to know why Father didn’t tell me.
He wanted to give them a chance to help themselves. Free will, and all. He wanted them to return to you on their own.
And…and do they know what they are?
Sister, Father doesn’t want you to fret about them. They will come in time, and you have your own healing to do.
I don’t care what Father wants! I want to know.
And you have the right to that knowledge, Lucifer agreed. He has told them for their last five lifetimes, Raphael. It hasn’t…it hasn’t been enough.
Raphael wrapped her wings around herself, remembering their dear little faces.
I will help you, sister. Lucifer had moved away from her. You and I can talk to Father. We can try to find Nemo, and we can guide your Nestlings back home.
Why would you do that?
Because you are my sister, and I spent too long forgetting that. Because I did encourage them to fight, and I put them at risk. Because…because I want to make sure everyone gets to come home.
Raphael unwound her wings. You think we can find Nemo?
If he isn’t in the Empty where the rest were, he must be somewhere else. We can look together while we help the others. Lucifer held out a hand. I want to undo some of what I’ve done to you, sister. May I have that chance?
Raphael took his hand. Do not make me regret this.
To her surprise, Lucifer laughed. Sister mine, if I do I want you to kill me immediately.
All Together
It took time for Gabriel to feel that Lucifer was truly well again.
It took time for Raphael to believe that Michael wasn’t going to let her down.
It took time for Lucifer to smile again.
It took time for Michael to become comfortable with Raphael.
But they did come back, because eternity is long without your siblings. And eternity was still long—a long wait for Raphael’s Nestlings to rejoin the host, a long time to keep Heaven going and attend to the problems of the Earth.
But by the four thousandth anniversary of their Father’s return, they were family, with their issues worked out, their wounds healed, their trust rebuilt and their love grown back like the flowers in their garden.
And the next few thousand years looked much brighter.