Chapter Text
It was an awkward sort of planned pow wow, everyone sitting on the floor in the center of the room. Remus was looking exceptionally nervous eyes darting wildly as he rolled up the corner of his pristinely folded list. James spoke first.
“Well lovely to see you all here lads,” he says, “glad we could all make it.”
“We live here, Prongs,” Peter says confused.
Sirius snorted receiving a mild look and a shrug from James. Remus didn’t say anything.
“Just a little joke,” James says before clearing his throat, “Should I start?”
“Well this was your brilliant idea,” Sirius replies, smirking.
James mouth flattens into a line and his eyes narrow in a way that directly parallels the look his mum gives when Sirius tracks dirt into her house. James looks down at his list and reads out loud.
“Amelia Flenick, Maria Chamber, Jocelyn Harber, Ellie Lin, Remus Lupin.”
It’s quiet for a moment as everyone processes his list. Remus has his brow furrowed and Peters head is tilted quizzically to the side.
“Wait mate you kissed Amelia Flenick in what? Fourth year? That’s not possible! How is she first?” Sirius questions.
James turns red, “I never said they had to be in order!” He stammers.
Remus raises an eyebrow.
“So you’re telling me I wasted my whole day making an incredibly accurate timeline of our school days for no reason?” Sirius says, visibly annoyed.
“I didn’t even see it and I know there is no way that thing had more than four dates right,” James says, “Do you even know what month it is now?”
“November!” Sirius says automatically.
“It’s February?” Replies Remus, looking a shade past concerned.
“Is that right? Why don’t I remember Christmas?” Sirius says tapping his hand to his chin, before shaking his head and continuing, “Regardless, Half the fun is the order, so you can point out things like how Moony kissed braces era Jeanine Hartford.”
“I did not,” Remus argues.
“No fair! You’ve already heard each other lists! That’s cheating,” Peter whines turning to James.
“I don’t think they’re are any rules to this,” James says, “it’s a bonding activity, you take it as you will.”
“Well I’m just trying to bond over your first kiss! It’s not like we don’t already know it was Ellie Lin,” Sirius says.
There’s a lull in the room.
“About that,” James starts.
“Oh my god it was Remus,” Sirius says, in utter disbelief.
Peter coughs dryly.
“How! What!” Sirius questions, before shaking his head.
“I thought you’d already realized this, Black,” says Remus.
“Well I hadn’t,” Sirius replies, leaning back, chuckling, “From Remus to Ellie Lin. Incredible. Such range. She’s really a terrible kisser. Extremely chaste, it’s like trying to tongue your gran.”
Peter groans at Sirius’s choice in metaphor, James manages to look more amused than scared.
“She wasn’t on your list,” Remus interrupts suspiciously.
“She wasn’t?” Sirius feigns innocence.
Remus squints at him but drops it.
“I just kind of wanted to get the whole first kiss thing over with,” says James.
“And you went to Remus! And not me!” Sirius says, distraught.
“You were the one making fun of him!” Remus says, eyes cutting, “Or do you not even remember?”
Sirius pouts, “I wish you would stop just referencing things and tell me! Of course I don’t remember.”
Remus sighs, “After the Squid incident-”
“Great,” James interjects.
Remus shoots him a withering glance before continuing, “The GREAT Squid Incident, and we were in the common room,”
“You’d just hooked up with Vivianne Baker and you thought you were the shit,” Peter adds.
“Okay well Viviane Baker had C cups in our third year, so it was quite special when I got to touch them, thank you very much,” Sirius says.
Remus looks extremely unimpressed, “Anyway, you would not stop running your mouth about it and someone asked James if he had seen Marianna Park-”
“Who was all over him at the time,” Peter says.
“She really wasn’t!” James argues.
Remus continues loudly, “AND you revealed in front of everyone that James hadn’t kissed anyone yet, which even I hadn’t realized.”
Sirius is quiet for a moment, “That doesn’t sound like me.”
“I believe your exact words were ‘He’s saving his virtue for either death or Lily Evans, whoever calls him first’,” Peter says.
“Then you made a joke about if they bury virgins in white,” Remus adds.
“Okay yeah that does sound like me,” Sirius says, but his head is ducked down.
“It really wasn’t that a big a deal,” James says quite awkwardly.
“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a shitty thing to do,” Sirius says before looking up, “So what, Moony, you just kiss anyone who’s never been kissed before?”
“It wasn’t like that!” Remus snaps.
“Jeez Moony, I haven’t been actually mad about this for like 3 hours, no need to be snappy,” Sirius says, kicking Remus’s thigh with his toe.
“Remus, came and found me in the hall,” James says, blushing slightly, “and I told him, I was in fact waiting for Lily.”
“And I told you that was stupid,” Remus says.
“Then I said I just wanted to get it over with,” James says, turning from Sirius to look at Remus, “And he just planted one on me!”
“You did look very sad, Potter,” Remus defends, “I felt like you needed it.”
James looks up at him through his lashes and Sirius makes a clicking noise with his tongue before saying.
“Moony, You’ve seen me cry like a dozen times and you’ve never kissed me!” Sirius says.
“Ugh, I have personally seen you guys kiss,” Peter interjects, “Also, not something I’d ever intended on viewing.”
“I meant back in fourth year!” Sirius says.
Remus rolls his eyes, “Contrary to apparent belief I’m not actually into water works.”
“Really? Then what are you doing with that Drama queen?” Peter says.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Sirius demands.
“Black, you’ve cried at every single quidditch game we’ve ever been to, including when Gryffindor isn’t even playing,” James adds.
Sirius sucks at his bottom lip, “Whatever, I don’t even want to be in the Remus Lupin first kiss club.”
“How is it a club there’s only one person,” Peter says, biting his nails, “Or do you mean other people have had their first kiss with Remus?”
“Who else had their first kiss with Remus?” James asks, sincerely.
Sirius mouth goes dry and he darts a look at Remus, who’s own mouth is clenched in a tight thin line.
“About that,” he begins, “James, I don’t want you to freak out, it was a long time ago, before us even, so you know it was a long time, and it didn’t work out on either end, she made it abundently clear she does not care for me.”
“Or your tongue,” Sirius adds, cutting into Remus’s rambling.
“Sirius, stop, this isn’t actually as funny as you apparently think it is,” Remus mutters.
James looks up at Remus and turns his head to the side and leans in, frowning.
“You don’t mean…” James trails off and breaks into a grin.
Remus and Sirius exchange glances as James’s smile grows a touch deranged. Peter see’s the damage he has done for the second time today and takes a moment to pull out his own piece of parchment.
“Should I read mine now? I think I should read mine now,” he takes a deep breath, “Jennifer Bittle, Jennifer Grisham, and Jenny Lee.“
“First of all, bad timing mate, second of all we are going to have to discuss the fact those are all Hufflepuffs named Jennifer at some point,” Sirius says, not taking his eyes at the stare down between James and Remus. Who both show no indication to having heard anything out of Peter’s mouth.
James starts shaking his head, face still stretched into a wide smile, “No bloody way! Lily Evans?” he says finally.
Remus opens his mouth but nothing comes out as James lunges for him. It happens too fast for Sirius to register and when he moves to pull them apart he realizes it’s- a hug?
“Brilliant!” James declares pulling back from Remus, and holding his shoulders squarely out in front of him, “You have first hand experience you have to tell me all about it.”
“You’re not mad?” Remus says, breathless.
James looks considerate, “Well, I’m a little mad you didn’t tell me sooner but I can see why you didn’t.”
James reaches up to cup Remus’s face running his thumb over his lower lip, in an oddly intimate gesture.
“You kissed her Fourth year?” James asks.
Remus nods dazed.
“Anyone inbetween the two of us,” James says, deadly serious.
“No,” Remus manages to reply, rather out of breath.
James nods, and he’s dangerously close to Remus’s face still stroking his bottom lip, Remus has gone rather red with James on top of him clutching his face.
“Uh, what is happening right now?” Peter says, a look of pain on his face.
“Yeah, Potter, you look like you’re about to eat Moony,” Sirius says, more mild amusement than genuine concern.
James leans back, taking his hand off of Remus’s chin, “Oh sorry, it’s just, it’s almost like we kissed, like through Lupin.”
Remus blinks up at James in disbelief, while Peter starts rolling on the ground in a mad cackle.
“That’s not how that works at all,” Sirius says.
James is unperturbed, sitting up in Remus’s lap, “God, this is brilliant! You can show me what she likes.”
“Watch it Potter,” Sirius growls.
James looks up rolling his eyes, “Oh, please, there’s nothing to worry about, I’m not gay or anything.”
“Actually I think kissing me would qualify as gay, Potter,” Remus says, amused.
“I’d say more heteroflexible,” James replies after a moment’s thought.
“Merlin, Potter just say Bi,” Sirius responds.
James ignores him, slinking off of Remus and standing up, then offering his arm to the other boy.
“We must discuss this in length! Dinner, boys?” James says, pulling Remus in the direction of the door.
“I thought you’d never ask,” Remus replies.
Peter pushes himself off the ground to follow them.
“What do you mean you’re going to the Great Hall. I haven’t read my list yet!” Sirius says.
James and Remus make no move of sitting back down.
“Well, I kinda feel like we accomplished the whole point, mate” James says.
“I feel better,” Remus adds.
“Bonding,” Peter mutters in the background, doing jazz hands.
Sirius stares at them, “Are you kidding? I made a whole timeline! There’s so much more to unpack.”
James shrugs, “I dunno man, It just feels like it’s time for food.”
“Time for-” Sirius sputters, “What about Peter’s Jennifer thing huh?”
James opens the door for Remus, who shoots Sirius a better luck next time champ smile, before exiting the room. Peter moves through after him sticking his tongue out at Sirius.
“I’m sure it’s perfectly fine,” James says, “It’s a common name.”
Sirius puts on a rather spectacular pout. James just laughs, still holding the door.
“You coming or not?” he says to Sirius.
Sirius stands, “Yeah, yeah I am.”