Chapter Text
1.
Hal shuddered from the cold and pressed closer to Bruce. The two had been invited to a charity ball that happened to be on the coldest night in Gotham that season. “Seriously, babe, hurry up I’m freezing my ass off.”
“I’m trying, I can’t find the coat tickets,” he answered back. Bruce checked his inner suit pocket again. “I swear I put them in here.”
“Well obviously they’re not, Sherlock. Did you put them in your pants pocket?” Hal asked reaching to shove a hand down Bruce’s pocket.
“I already checked there,” the other snapped back and swatted his hand away.
Hal groaned and pressed his fingers to his temple. “I can’t even,” he muttered before walking up to the coat clerk. “Hey so we lost our tickets. Is there any way you can just give us our coats?”
“No ticket, no coat,” the clerk said not glancing up from his phone.
“Look man, I understand you’re just trying to do your job. Maybe if you’d look up from your phone, you’ll see my face and give me my coat,” he said trying to stop his voice from raising.
“No, ticket, no coat,” the clerk repeated.
“Okay, Hal, lets take a step back,” Bruce said pulling him back by the elbow. “Stop causing a scene, we’re still at a charity ball.”
“Really? Maybe I wouldn’t need to demand our coats back if you didn’t lose the tickets,” Hal said growing irritated. “Check all your pockets again.”
Bruce’s brows narrowed, “I already told you, they’re not in there. Maybe you should have held onto them.”
Hal paused and took in a deep breath. “You know what, I am not going to sit here and argue with you. I will see you back at home.”
“Hal.”
“Bruce,” he deadpanned back and hailed a cab. “Have fun driving home alone.”
—
As Hal’s cab pulled into the manor he spotted Bruce sitting on the front steps. He stepped out of the car and slowly walked up to the other. “Is that-?” He asked noticing a familiar brown coat in Bruce’s arms.
“It is,” Bruce said and stood up. “Why don’t we head inside, it’s getting colder out.”
“Sure, but babe, one question.” Hal let a smug smile grow across his face, “where were the tickets.”
“In my pants pocket.”
2.
Bruce sighed looking at the clothes piling up in the bathroom. “Hal, can you come here!”
“What’s up?” Hal said leaning against the doorframe. “Oo are we gonna do it in the shower?”
“No,” he deadpanned and crossed his arms. “Tell me, do you see anything wrong with our bathroom.”
Hal looked around and shook his head, “I think you’re going to have to just tell me.”
“Okay, explain to me why you keep on putting your dirty clothes next to the hamper.”
“Because I missed?”
“You missed? Hal, I’ve let it slide so many times, but now I’m putting my foot down. You’re not a child. Clean up after yourself,” Bruce said crossing his arms.
“Are you seriously getting worked up over laundry. Bruce, listen-“
“You listen, last time I checked I married an adult. Adults put clothes in the hamper,” Bruce said demonstrating by picking up Hal’s dirty white shirt and placing it in the hamper. “See not that hard.”
“Stop patronizing me,” Hal snapped. “I am a grown ass adult. You leave shit behind all the time, do you know how many times I have tripped over a loose batarang!”
“I do not! That’s definitely Damian- that’s beside the point,” he said. He paused and took a breath to avoid yelling. “Look just put your stuff in the hamper to be washed. That’s all.”
Hal crossed his arms, “I also leave them there for later! A shirt has a few good uses-“
“That one has blood on the hem, Hal!” He pointed to a splatter of vibrant, alien blood on it.
Hal’s cheeks flushed as he slapped a hand over the stain, “fine, I’ll start being more conscious about this.”
“I can do a little chart for you, like I do for Damian,” Bruce couldn’t help but joke.
“Adult! I’m a fucking adult! I take it back, stop telling me what to do” Hal fumed, throwing his hands up.
“Stop getting so worked up about this, it’s not that hard. Grow up.”
Hal let out a strangled groan and spun on his heel. Bruce rubbed his temple and held back a chuckle, “Hal come back.” Bruce caught his wrist and pulled him back against his chest. “Look I’m sorry that I called you a child, but work with me. A couple more inches and you’ll hit the hamper.”
“Fine,” Hal said after a moment. “No promises though.”
“I wouldn’t expect it any other way.”
3.
“Bruce, get dressed. You’re going,” Hal said tossing a v neck at the man.
Bruce let out and exasperated sigh, “just say I’m sick or on a case.”
“Yes because when has Bruce Wayne ever gotten sick, very plausible,” Hal said raising a brow. “C’mon it’ll be fun.”
“Aren’t we too old to get drunk?” Bruce tried. He toyed with the shirt in his hands before tossing it onto the bed.
Hal picked it up and pushed it back into his hands, ”no one is too old to get a little tipsy with their friends and boyfriend.”
“I’ll come out and say it, I don’t like your friends.”
“Bruce, we have the same friends.”
“Not all of them are my friends.”
“Is it Guy? I know he’s loud, but he means well.”
Bruce arched a brow, “Hal, he’s like you but on steroids.”
“Excuse me? Listen, I love Guy, but I know you did not just say he was me on steroids.”
“That wasn’t what I meant, you know that.”
“No I don’t, Bruce. Remember I’m just a dumb, flight tester who happened to graduate top of his class at the academy,” Hal spat back sarcastically. “If this is so painful for you, I’ll just go alone and explain why my boyfriend is an asshole over shots.”
“Hal, stop I didn’t mean it. Look I’m coming,” he said pulling on the shirt.
“Don’t strain yourself, remember you’re too old for shots.”
“Really? Now you’re being childish.”
“Really?” Hal said imitating him. “Why is that your go to word when we fight! ‘Hal stop being childish blah blah blah’ come up with something new.”
Bruce sighed, “Just tell me what I can do to fix this.”
Hal looked him over and a devious smirk slid across his face, “okay, you have to do five shots with me.”
“One.”
“Four.”
“One shot. Stop pushing your luck, Batman can’t be drunk. His work never takes a pause.”
“Okay, one never refer to yourself in the third person, it’s freaking weird. Two, you have like nine people you know who can watch Gotham for one night. Three, one and half shots.”
Bruce paused thinking for a moment. He nodded, “fine, let me call Kate and then I will be open for a night of fun with my boyfriend and our friends.”
Hal whooped and threw his arms around Bruce, peppering him with kisses. “I love you and I love that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone for me.”
“I love you too, but we’re going to be late,” he said returning the kiss. “Although if you’d rather keep kissing me instead, I would be fine doing that.”
Hal chuckled and pulled away. “Nice try, Wayne, but you’re going.”