Chapter Text
Between alcohol and arousal, things get kind of blurry after that. When he wakes up the next morning with a steaming headache, Hawk remembers the taste of BJ's mouth and the way he shuddered when Hawk nibbled the corner of his jaw, he remembers thinking maybe they should do this when they were less drunk and could enjoy each other to the full, and he really remembers BJ's skin under his hands when he finally went for broke and tugged BJ's shirt out of his pants.
Things didn't go much further - Hawkeye isn't that much of a cad, and they were extremely drunk - but it was plenty enough to know he'll share a cot with BJ as often as he's allowed, though he suspects this is a one off.
BJ is still asleep and wrapped around Hawk in a way that's thoroughly enjoyable. If Hawk knew him a little better, he would have a lot of fun waking BJ up, but being willing to make out with Hawkeye when he was lonely and scared and falling over drunk isn't permission for early morning shenanigans. Maybe in a different situation, Hawkeye would shrug and risk it anyway, but BJ is his new lifeline in this place, and he doesn't want to foul that up before they even start.
Still, BJ is cute as all get out, and Hawk will enjoy being tangled up with him for as long as it lasts.
There's so much of him. He has to be sixty percent leg at least. Hawkeye takes the chance to stare while BJ is asleep. He doesn't look quite so young with his uniform dirty from the road and mussed from Hawkeye's wandering hands. Still gorgeous though, all warm and tan; Hawk can't quite stop himself from wondering if BJ is that golden and beautiful all over. Now there's a thought.
BJ's like an adorable retriever puppy who's been dropped into a nest of vipers, and Hawk wants to wrap him in cotton wool and keep him safe. And also wants to bite him. (In a good way.) Sharing living space with this guy is gonna give Hawkeye a whole bunch of delightful mental images for when he gets bored of imagining or remembering what the nurses look like naked.
Hawkeye can't resist snuggling up to him again, then doesn't even try to resist sucking gently at that tender little spot on BJ's jaw that made him go all mushy, not hard enough to leave a mark but enough that BJ squirms deliciously in his sleep and pulls Hawk in tighter. Hawkeye could seriously get used to this. It's too bad he's unlikely to get the chance.
No, it's a good thing, he tells himself with little conviction. He can't quite summon up strong feelings about it, but he knows it's the sensible option. Hawkeye never does permanent, he doesn't even do semi-permanent - he's been down that road before, thank you - so it's better if this is a casual bit of fun between two people who were too drunk to resist. And BJ's married, and there's good reason Hawkeye doesn't chase after married women. That should probably apply to married men, too.
Still, he nuzzles in and tries to memorise the taste and feel and smell of an armful of BJ, because beggars can't be choosers. Hawkeye isn't about to pass up the chance of a warm, kinda willing bedmate when one falls into his lap, or of the memories for nights when he's not so fortunate.
Eventually BJ starts to stir, and Hawkeye tries to unravel himself a little (BJ doesn't need to know just how hard Hawk's been clinging to him), but between the hangover and how cosy they've gotten, he doesn't actually want to move, even if maybe he should.
He doesn't expect BJ to whine in protest at Hawk pulling away, and he definitely doesn't expect BJ to find his lips again, and he's too surprised to stop it. BJ's mouth is just as enjoyable as Hawk remembers from last night, he's caught between 'oh God, this should not be happening' and 'this is probably my last chance and he's so pretty,' and while his brain is still struggling with that dilemma, his body just enjoys.
It doesn't last long, which is good. Really. Hawkeye's commitment to not crossing any serious lines is shaky at best and shouldn't be tested.
BJ is smiling as they surface, and he blinks his eyes open, and for a moment his expression is completely unguarded. Okay, maybe Hawk isn't the only queer little surgeon left in this camp.
Then BJ remembers where he is and who he's with and his face falls into a look of sheer horror. "Oh God. I - oh, God."
"Hey, fella," Hawk says, "it's okay."
BJ's eyes are full of dismay.
"Even if I wanted to, which I don't, it's not like I could rat you out without implicating myself," Hawkeye points out. "Breathe. It's all right." Hawkeye grabs his chin - he probably should quit with all the touching, but it's a bit late to worry about that now - and makes BJ meet his eyes. "It's okay, I promise. I'm on your side here."
BJ blinks again, once, twice, then the penny drops. He blushes and looks relieved at the same time, and Hawkeye decides to be a gent and not to mention the way BJ glances at Hawk's mouth and unconsciously licks his lips. Hawk is definitely not the only one in this particular boat, but BJ is married and Hawkeye's roommate for the foreseeable future, not to mention his brand spanking new life preserver. Much as part of him would like (would really like) to figure out exactly where the lines intersect between BJ's wedding vows, his loneliness and his attraction to Hawkeye, it would be stupid on so many levels to jump into anything.
"Oh," BJ manages at last.
Hawk gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile and pats his arm. "People do stupid things when there's booze involved," he says. "Not that I regret it, but I understand why you might never want to speak of it again."
"Okay," BJ breathes, and he even manages a tiny smile. "Thanks."
This guy is so adorable it hurts. It's too bad instinct says he's never going to be comfortable with casual intimacy. But maybe he can be a real friend, if Hawkeye resists the temptation to mess with him right now. "We were drunk and scared," he says. "I'm not gonna tell anyone. I doubt you will either, right? We stick together here. You and I just have... another reason to have each other's backs. Okay?"
BJ lets out a long breath. "Okay." He shakes his head. "It kinda feels like I screwed up before I even started," he admits.
"Are you kidding? You had a hell of a day yesterday, but you got through it, then you called Frank 'Ferret Face'-" Hawk gestures wildly for emphasis "-listen, you did great."
"Then I drunkenly made out with my brand new colleague."
"That was just a bonus," Hawk shoots back, giving BJ his best coy look.
It works; BJ is still blushing but he bursts out laughing again, his whole face alive with it. "So... we're okay?" he asks, once he gets his breath back.
"We're very okay."
"Okay. Thank God for that."
Neither of them moves. They lie there and stare at each other like some very weird game of chicken, and the thing is, Hawk knows he should kick BJ out of his bed, and he's sure BJ knows he should move, but neither of them does what he's supposed to.
Hawk would really like to revisit the kissing option, but it's foolish enough for them to be lying here on the same cot when anybody could barge into the tent at any moment, and that's not even including the whole happily-married-with-a-kid angle. He brushes his fingertips over BJ's cheek, which is something he absolutely should not do, and BJ's sharp intake of breath sucker punches him right in the libido. He opens his mouth to speak (he's honestly not sure if it's gonna be 'Okay, let's get up before I do something stupid' or 'Hey, want to do something stupid before we get up?'), and then-
"Attention, attention, all personnel, incoming wounded. All surgical teams report to OR on the double."
Hawk gives BJ a wry grin. "Saved by the bell."
There's an awkward pause. BJ takes a deep breath. "Time to earn my keep," he says, with a strained smile.
Hawkeye helps him up, then he's on automatic, his response to the PA Pavlovian. He's halfway out the door before he realises BJ isn't following. "BJ?" He crosses back to where BJ is frozen next to the cot and gently grasps his shoulders. "BJ, you okay?"
BJ shakes his head. "I'm not ready for this."
Hawkeye cups BJ's jaw. (His resolution to stop touching BJ is going just swimmingly.) "No one's ever ready for this."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
Hawk shrugs. "Well, at least you know everyone else feels the same."
"Huh." BJ frowns. "Thank you. I think."
"I've got your back, okay?" On a whim, Hawkeye leans in and plants a quick, chaste kiss on BJ's lips.
BJ lets out a startled laugh. "What was that for?"
"Luck."
BJ just stares at him for a moment, then he laughs again, a proper belly laugh, and Hawkeye is doomed. But at least this time, when Hawk plucks at BJ's sleeve and heads for the door, BJ follows.
~ fin ~