Chapter Text
Last night, he dreamt she was in his arms again. Her hair tickling the tip of his nose, never failing to smell like freshly cut roses; her small frame, unfathomably perfect for his heavily-built arms to wrap around, her warmth contagious. She was everything to him. There were times where he hated her, and she returned her favour. They brought out the worst in each other; the bitterness, the overconfidence and the abhorrence. She could take or leave him, but neither of the pair could think about being anywhere but each others arms. Their love for each other was à corps perdu. He vowed that nothing, not even his job would come between their unconditional love. He would do anything for her. But even everything fell short.
Two years prior, Special Agent Luke Patterson , was put on an undercover mission, in hopes of busting a destructive drug gang. He was sworn into the group as his elias “Austin Torrez” and whenever he could, he would check in with his colleagues and long-time partner, Jon, whom he had begged shortly before his mission to keep and eye on her, which he knows he did. But nobody is ever truly safe, are they?
After one of the worst mistakes of his life, revealing his true identity to a young man who he thought was new member of the group, trying to get any money he could to help his dying mother; when in fact, he was the anonymous leader, his entire world crashed before his eyes. In minutes, his connections found out everything about him, including his address, where she was . There was nothing Luke could’ve done; his phone was broken and there was a gun to his head. He prepared for the worst, and that's what he got. Jon, armed with other officers, found him sitting in a worn-out car and a shot was placed right between the leaders eyebrows.
Everything following that was a blur.
Jon had given him the news that he was expecting, but it broke him. He had looked straight into the younger man's eyes and begged to be killed. Anything . Anything to fill the void that was set in his heart. So Jon took him in, and wouldn’t let him out of his sight. They both took half a years break, and when Jon thought it was alright for him to go back to work, he sent Luke to counselling in the hours that would be spent alone. He was hurt, he didn’t want to let anybody in, especially after doing just that and having them taken away from him in mere minutes.
“I lost the only woman i’ve ever been in love with, what are you supposed to do for me?”
Six more months and hours upon hours of of sessions later, he didn’t feel at ease, he didn’t feel free, he knew he’d never feel that again, but he knew that it was time for him to get back into the profession that he had loved for his entire life. He moved back into the home he had shared with his soulmate for close to ten years of his life and announced his return to the police force.
On his first day back, there was a very uncomfortable aura in the air; eyes belonging to the other people in the office would not leave him all day, more importantly, Jon’s. The occasional bags that surfaced under his blue eyes now became a permanent staple of his face. Luke would never see him with his trademark smile on his face anymore, unless it was forced. It was only until the new trainee agent with the jet black hair and strong form joined the team that Jon became his normal self again, slowly falling for the man that was Evan Fong. Nevertheless, with great power comes great responsibility and a year after Luke returned to the office he had spent the last 15 years in, and after a blaring row, Jon reluctantly announced that he was moving to Canada with Evan and was joining a smaller police organisation nearby their new house. Luke felt as though he was back at square one; everyone who meant something to him was being taken away. The childhood friend, the support, the shoulder to cry on, the only person who was there for him and stayed by his side during the toughest mental situation that he had ever had to face, was leaving him for someone he had been with for no more than a year.
He had cried himself to sleep that night.
They say that the last thing you think about before you fall asleep is what you end up dreaming about; and what can you do when the only thing you associate with tears is the loss of the one you loved? He had a nightmare, replaying what he could’ve done just to save her, he would’ve given his life just to know she would get to live hers. And it got worse, he saw her, sitting alone on the kitchen counter, eyes scanning the vast walls filled with ten years worth of pictures of them; from small dates, to anniversaries, to travelling the world. They would then hastily approach, leaving the last frame of the living nightmare a mangled version of the bright-eyed wonder drowned in a pool of her own blood.
He’d wanted to call Jon but he couldn’t just consult in somebody he was supposed to be mad at. He had Evan now, Luke was simply just a has been . So, he’d sit on his kitchen counter, the same one he’d saw her on and he’d light up a cigarette, something he’d never do but at this stage in his life, he made sure there was always a box of them somewhere around the house. He craved the release, the bare minutes of relaxation that made him feel a little more human than he usually did.
If he didn’t already want to punch Jon enough for the stress he’d induced, he definitely did upon finding out he had left quickly and quietly in hopes of a bigger pay, without even considering saying goodbye to his best friend, acting as though he hadn’t known him since they were kids. Luke cleared an entire box of cigarettes that night, and seriously thought about buying another to clear out that night when his boss had called him announcing a his new partner would be starting at the beginning of the week.
Which lead him to waking up on his first day with a new partner, practically drowning in sweat from dreaming about her being his arms again. He had whiskey and another damn cigarette for breakfast, disgusted with himself and his newfound addictions. He’d be ridiculed on the spot if someone, especially his boss, was to discover the cataclysmic state of his existence. He decided on wearing an array of clothes that become a staple of his bedroom floor and sprayed himself blindly with the first bottle he could pick up, unaware that it was the sweet smell of roses that drove him crazy. His jaw clenched and he glanced at himself in the mirror. God, he looked awful. His ten years worth of a beard was matted and tangled, his moustache completely covering his top lip; he looked like someone had punched him square in the face. His cheeks were littered with stress spots, his eyebrows unruly and his eyes, once full of life, now sunken into the bruised sockets. He turned away abruptly and wiped at the small tears on his face with his shirt sleeve.
The drive to work was a drag and he made sure to flip off at least three people, and everything was made worse when he nearly drove into a wall in the car park of his building, slamming his hands on the wheel in pure exasperation. He almost broke the door to the office, making the amount of mental cursing he had done in the past half hour even greater. His boss was served a glare with a side of daggers, and if that wasn’t enough, he ignored the calling of his name. It was only when he got to his desk to see dark, slicked back hair above his computer rather than the usual red chair, he realised what was going on.
“Excuse me?” Luke spat out, glaring at whatever he could see of this.. Man?
The man, looked up and it was only in that moment when he realised what was going on.
“Oh hey! I’m Ryan, your new partner.”