Chapter Text
Private message from dragonlover_ to TheWriter
dragonlover_: dude i am actually going to fight fenris?
TheWriter: No because you’ll die if you try ://
dragonlover_: i doubt it i mean hes an elf elves are skinny
TheWriter: Not fenris
TheWriter: I guarantee that youre gonna die if you fight him
dragonlover_: i sincerely doubt that but ok sure
TheWriter: [image.png]
dragonlover_: WHAT THE FUCKK HOW IS HE SO BUFF WHA
dragonlover_: INSTEAD OF FIGHTING HIM CAN I FUCK HIM??????????
TheWriter: Hawke no
dragonlover_: hawke yes
TheWriter: Hawke no he will 100% break your fragile fragile heart
dragonlover_: this is an outrage and you will be hearing from my lawyer
TheWriter: Bethany isn’t your lawyer
dragonlover_: ok maybe so but i still want fenris to step on me
TheWriter: Okay we all do youre not special
dragonlover_: >:(
dragonlover_: does beating me up count as a date
TheWriter: Makers breath Hawke
dragonlover_: liSTeN
TheWriter: Honestly in all the time ive known you that wouldnt be the worst date youve had
dragonlover_: true but like fight me
TheWriter: Isnt that Fenris’s job
dragonlover_: wOW
oOo
Group chat: garrett eats ass
PirateQueen: hello fellow gays
TheWriter: Im 80% sure everyone in this chat is at least bi
TheWriter: Including you??
HomeWrecker: im ? ? gay ?
PirateQueen: 1. i know youre gay love 2. shut up varric
mycultssacrifice: didnt we have an entire conversation about how isabela turned me gay
gaurd_captain: I’m at least mostly straight.
hawkebrother: im straight.
TheWriter: OKAY I GET IT IM WRONG ABOUT YOU GUYS’S SEXUALITIES CHILL
HomeWrecker: oh my god varrics heterophobic
TheWriter: Hawke
TheWriter ‘s name has been changed to Heterophobic
Heterophobic: HAWKE.
HomeWrecker: WHAT?
Heterophobic: I KNOW THAT WAS YOU CHANGE IT BACK.
HomeWrecker: WHAT?? IT WASN’T ME
HomeWrecker: I AM INSULTED THAT YOU THINK I WOULD SLANDER YOUR GOOD NAME LIKE THAT
Heterophobic: THEN WHO WAS IT
whothefuckisSerP: me
Heterophobic: aNDERS WTF
Heterophobic: I TRUSTED YOU
HomeWrecker: speaking of trust wheres merrill we have plans to get tea later :0
PirateQueen: oh shes over at my place
PirateQueen: she forgot to charge her phone
PirateQueen: she says she’ll meet you at your house around 2:00
PirateQueen: she also says that she loves everyone and that she hopes we’re all having fun
HomeWrecker: I LOVE YOU TO MERRILL
Heterophobic: Tell Daisy that i love her too but i am not. Having fun
PirateQueen: shes sad youre not having fun :(
whothefuckisSerP: what is she doing @ your house
PirateQueen: uhh making out w/ me??
PirateQueen: duh
whothefuckisSerP: oh thats cool i guess
gaurd_captain: Don’t ask about Isabela’s private affairs.
Heterophobic: Yeah its really not a good idea
HomeWrecker: hey bela is it cool if i just come pick merrill up like?? in 20 min?
PirateQueen: she says thats fine!!!
HomeWrecker: sweet see you soon ;0
oOo
Isabela rented a small apartment just above The Hanged Man, and although it was cramped and her neighbors were loud, it was home. Isabela made a fact of this by very rarely leaving the apartment, other than to hangout with Hawke or go down to the bar below.
Often times Merrill was her only house guest, partly due to the fact that she lived so close and partly because she didn't mind the close quarters, especially if it meant being closer to Isabela.
Today was one of the few days that Isabela felt some cabin fever, so when a familiar car horn sounded from down below, signaling Hawke’s arrival, Isabela and Merrill both walked down the stairs to the small resident parking lot.
“Hello my lovely ladies!” Hawke greeted, as the pair clambered into the backseat. “Hello, Hawke!” Merrill replied sweetly “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to text you but my phone died, and no one ever seems to have a charger for me.”
“That’s because you have an iphone 4, Kitten.” Isabela said, leaning her head on Merrill’s shoulder. “I just don’t have time to go get a new phone.” Merrill replied “Besides, I like my crappy little phone! It has sentimental value.”
“How about this,” Hawke began “We go get some tea and sweets, and then we go to the apple store and get Merrill a new phone?” Merrill considered the idea for a moment before nodding resignedly.
“I suppose it is about time to turn my old, tired baby in.” Merrill said, frowning.
In Kirkwall’s city center there was a huge shopping mall, cleverly named the Kirkmall. The building’s cold and modern exterior clashed greatly with the historic buildings of hightown’s square. The street parking was hell but hightown’s compact aesthetic allowed for very little space for an actual parking lot. Hawke, now an expert on navigating Kirkwall’s car-crowded streets, quickly found a space not too far from the mall’s entrance.
Merrill exited the backseat apprehensively, and quickly reached for Isabela’s hand. Growing up in the country, Merrill was never used to large crowds. When her family traveled they tried to stay out of the cities. Humans weren’t kind to elves and Merrill’s family was no exception.
Isabela eyed Merrill. “You alright love?”
“Yes it’s just the crowd. Don’t want to get lost.” Isabela smiled and nodded. “Well if you do get lost just look for Hawke. His height makes him a practical landmark.” Merrill gave a look of understanding, but still squeezed Isabela’s hand as the sliding doors parted, revealing the unruly chaos inside the Kirkmall.
The moment the trio stepped inside, they were bombarded by noise. Groups of people speaking in progressively louder voices, shop managers barking orders to sales clerks, and the harsh clash of music coming from several different directions at once. “Welp.” Hawke said, placing his hands on his hips. “Welcome to hell.”
“My thinking is that we find the Apple store, get Merrill an iphone 7 because it’s cheaper than most things right now, and get out.” Isabela proposed. Merrill nodded enthusiastically to the plan. “That sounds good to me. Shall we, ladies?” Hawke asked, holding his arm out for Merrill to take. She did, still holding Isabela’s hand, and they were off.
The Apple store was on the second floor, which should have only taken them 5 minutes to get to, but between the crowds and Merrill’s tendencies to get distracted, it was more like 30. Surprisingly, the Apple store was mostly empty, save for a group teens taking selfies on the trial phones and a few other adults actually looking for a phone they wanted.
“Hey guys, can I help you with anything today?” A voice said from behind the group, causing Merrill to jump and Hawke to yelp in surprise. The face they were greeted with was freckled and smiling, dirty blonde hair almost covering their eyes, “Well yes...” Hawke said squinting and leaning in to read the name tag clipped to their blue shirt. “Cody! I think you could!” Hawke said, beaming at the employee. “We are on a quest today to get my dear friend, Merrill here, a new phone! We don’t want anything too expensive though, so we are on a budget.” Cody nodded in understanding. “Well let me show you around and we can figure something out!”
The next hour was filled with trying out various phones, Isabela and Hawke playing games on said phones, and lots of selfies. Finally Merrill decided on a simple rose gold iphone 7. “Excellent choice, Madam.” Cody said, with a sweeping bow.
The total came out to 549 dollars.
“Yikes.” said Isabela. She rifled around in her purse for a moment before fishing out her wallet. Isabela held her credit card out for Cody to take, but instead Hawke snatched it from her hand and replaced it with his own card. “Please,” he said, bowing dramatically. “My treat.”
“Wow,” Cody began, sarcasm dripping from their voice. “What a gentleman.”
“I know, I’m so generous aren’t I?”
“Uh-huh, yeah.”
After a signature from Merrill they were out the door once again, Cody leaning over the counter waving as the trio disappeared into the throng of people in the mall’s greater area.
oOo
Private message from fenris. to dragonlover_
fenris.: so are we going to actually literally fight?
dragonlover_: uhuhuhhhhh i mean
dragonlover_: we could?
dragonlover_: it was mostly a goof but i am interested in meeting you :0!!!!! like irl
fenris. : ah well im certain i’ll be able to kick your ass over something while im there
fenris.: that is not to say i am not interested in meeting you
dragonlover_: sjskjssjkkjsk
dragonlover_: if you do come over me n varric can show you some of kirkwalls,,,,,,, finer features,,,, so you can finally admit that kirkwall is a better city that fucking starkhaven
fenris.: hmm unlikely but i can appreciate your enthusiasm
dragonlover_: we have like?? a cool bar that only sometimes gives you food poisoning and our city officials are corrupt with power so
dragonlover_: its pretty much the greatest city ever
fenris.: sounds riveting
dragonlover_: it is tbh
dragonlover_: i broke up at least 3 bar fights just last night
fenris.: and apparently you have dragons? according to your near death experience from a few nights ago
dragonlover_: oh heLL YEAH
dragonlover_: i heard a rumor abt it from some guys who worked down there and i HAD to check it out
dragonlover_: it was totally worth almost dying for
fenris.: how is the cut you got healing by the way?
dragonlover_: its super itchy but otherwise its fine i guess
fenris.: i am glad you arent somehow dying from such a wound
dragonlover_: dying from smth as dumb as that certainly sounds like something id do tbh
fenris.: i do have it on good authority that you are a fuck up
dragonlover_: SJKDSJDK WHO SAID THAT
fenris.: varric, isabela, both your siblings, aveline, and merrill said you “can be quite clumsy at times :(“
dragonlover_: I FEEL SO ATTACKED
fenris.: hey i have to get to my shift in a few minutes but we should? actually make plans about my visit. im starting to look forward to it despite myself
dragonlover_: oh!! yeah deffo!!!!
dragonlover_: ill save my finest bottle of wine for your arival
fenris.: let me guess? a $5 bottle of pinot grigio from the market that you bought this afternoon?
dragonlover_: sdhjksj you know me so well
dragonlover_: okay anyway if youre done slandering my good name have a good day wat work!!!!!!!!
fenris.: thank you hawke. have a good evening
dragonlover_: :)
oOo
Private message from dragonlover_ to TheWriter
dragonlover_: bad news
dragonlover_: your boy caught feelings