Chapter Text
It happened during breakfast. Bim's transformation, that is, and honestly Dark was glad that it happened then and not overnight. He wasn't sure what he would have done if he would have woken up to see adult Bim suddenly in his arms. He probably would have started crying, as much as he would never admit to it. Damn Celine and Damien and their emotions.
When he did wake up that morning to see Bim still a child, for a few moments he had hope that maybe he would stay that way forever. But the immediate guilt after thinking that was strong, so he pushed it as far back as he could, as hard as it was. He did his best to make the day go along as normal, waking the boy up when it was time for breakfast, saying good morning to the Ego's that had also showed up. He tried not to give away what he was feeling, seeing that everyone knew that today was supposed to be the day Bim turned back. He wasn't sure how well he did on that regard. It was like every part of the suited Ego was in breakdown or panic, his normally calm composure constantly threatening to collapse under him. It was Hell.
Dark, quite honestly, was relieved when Bim finally changed back. He wasn't sure how much more he could have taken before he snapped.
It wasn't dramatic or anything like the transformation was. All Dark knew was moment he walked into the kitchen to get a cup, then next he walked out to see adult Bim standing there with the most confused looked on his face. He looked the exact same as he had before he was turned into a kid, the same suit, same partially slicked back hair, and his glasses were in the same position. It was like nothing ever happened at all.
Did he still have those scars? Was he still as skinny? Did knives still cause him to panic as much, or had he learned to shove it down and to not acknowledge it?
"You're back," was all the dark Ego could say, not trusting himself to say anything else. At that moment, Dr. Iplier walked in with a cup of coffee in hand, eyes going wide with shock when he saw Bim.
"Bim!" the doctor yelled, nearly dropping his cup as he ran over to the show host. Dark simply watched as Dr. Iplier mothered over Bim, asking him various questions about his health and how he felt and whatnot. Bim fumbled with his words, saying that he was fine, but the doctor didn't have any of it. He pretty much started dragging Bim to his clinic, saying he wanted to run tests to see if he was really fine. By then Yan had joined the party, asking a million questions a second. The poor show host could only stand there as he bombarded with more attention and concern than he's ever had in his entire lifetime.
It was only when Wilford showed up that things calmed down slightly, the mustached Ego telling Yan and Dr. Iplier to calm down and give Bim some space. "It's rather disorienting and confusion to come out of a spell like that, you know," he added.
The other two Ego's did step back, the doctor still mumbling about tests and other things. The show host walked to where Dark had been moments before, no one to be found. Bim just stood there, the memories of what had happened running a million miles an hour in his brain. The singing to comfort him, the protectiveness, everything.
Why?
Dr. Iplier placed a hand on his shoulder, as if he could sense Bim's question. "I know you probably want to talk to Dark, Bim, but I really do need to see if you're alright. You were hit by a spell that we don't entirely understand, and I'd rather not pretend that nothing could have happened, alright?"
The show host nodded slowly, thinking back to his childhood memories here. It was odd, the way they fit into his life. One moment he was here, the next he wasn't, back into his normal Hell without another thought. Shit, at the time he thought it was all some sort of dream, a wonderful dream that he had to wake up from. Just another fantasy that he couldn't possibly hope to live in.
Bim stared at the spot where the suited Ego once was. The last thing he could remember while he was here... was Dark holding him like a lifeline, as if he could protect Bim from all the horrors of the world. As a kid he had never felt so loved...
There were tears burning in his eyes now, and he shook himself to try and push them back. No, he refused to dwell on his past and what had happened. Looking back would only make things worse.
The show host let the doctor lead him to the clinic, hardly paying attention to the world around him. He didn't notice Bing and Google, King, anyone as they said their hellos to him. All he could feel around him were Dark's arms, securing him and loving him.
It seemed that for those moments, the feeling of his dad breathing down his neck and slicing at his arms had finally left his memory.
He was in another vision, that much Dark knew. He also knew he was Damien, a teenage version of Damien that is.
He was walking around the manor from before, but this time, he wasn't playing hide and seek. He was too old for that now. But what was he doing? Were there tears on his face? It felt like it, the slightly wet feeling on his cheeks and salt on his tongue confirmed that much, but why had he been crying?
Damien looked down at his hands, which he had been cradling to his chest as if to protect them. Dark knew this whole thing wasn't actually happening, that it wasn't real, but seeing what he was seeing right now made him want to vomit on the floor. Damien's hands were covered in deep, welling cuts, the meat of his palm hanging loosely. Blood poured from the wounds, dripping to the floor below like breadcrumbs.
The boy shook and trembled, sniffling as he put his shredded hands back to his chest, which must have been covered in crimson blood. He walked into a room, a room Dark had surprisingly never seen before. It was a smaller room compared to the rest of the house, but it was still grand and beautiful.
But that's not what Damien was focused on. All of his attention was on the grand piano, right in the middle of the room. It looked freshly polished and loved, and the boy went straight for it, sitting down on it's bench. Why in the world he did that Dark didn't know, seeing that there was no way Damien could ever play piano with his hands in this condition.
Damien didn't seem to think that was the case. With no hesitation he started playing, or at least, tried to start playing. The second his fingers began to move on the keys he yelped, and Dark could feel the white hot pain going through his hands. The boy gritted his teeth, blinking away the tears, and tried again. His once skillful fingers stuttered on the piano, his hands too damaged to play anything correctly. Wave after wave of pain went through his whole body, but he refused to stop, even as tears blurred his vision and the notes created a sour chords.
He finally yelled out at the top of his lungs, turning his hands into fists and slamming them down on the piano with all the power he had. Damien started sobbing, barely able to see the blood that stained the keys or hear the quick footsteps dashing into the room with him. Arms that he knew all too well wrapped around him, whispering soothing words into his ear.
Celine. It had to be her. She rocked her brother back and forth, telling him that it would be alright and everything would be okay. Damien wasn't sure if he believed her, but he really needed someone to comfort him right now.
"Let's get you patched up, okay?" she said gently, her words swimming together in her brother's ears.
Damien nodded, still gripping her dress like it was a lifeline, not caring for the stinging in his hands. Celine carefully took away his hands from her dress, leading him away from the bloodied piano. The one he failed to play.
Dark blinked. He was in his own body again, not Damien's, not Celine's, not anyone's but his own. He was sitting down on something, something small and rectangular. A quick glance up showed that he was at the piano in Ego Inc, a place where he rarely went due to the effect it had on the two beings that lived within him. So why was he here now?
The suited Ego studied the keys. They were so polished that he could see his reflection in them, his hideous, ugly grey reflection, showing the corpse he really was. Dark always tried to avoid mirrors at all costs, and seeing this was a stark reminder of why.
Stupid Celine and Damien. Stupid memories, stupid feelings, stupid Bim, stupid everything. God, why couldn't everything just be simple? Simple to take down Mark, simple to block every emotion, simple to just be alive?
The piano seemed to mock him, knowing every secret that lies within his body. I know you're weak, it said. Everyone knows you're weak, all for puny and breakable Trimmer. What a joke.
No wonder he never came to this god damned room.
Dark pushed back the chair he was sitting in, ready to leave the room and block it all, when the door opened. His head snapped to the door, not wanting to deal with some Ego's bullshit that needed fixing.
"What do you want?" he snapped harshly, aura whipping around him, before immediately regretting his words. Because there in the doorway, stood none other than Bim Trimmer.
The show host cringed back from Dark, gripping the door as if he was about to dash out. It was clear he had just come from Dr. Iplier's clinic, the smell of antiseptic and that odd hospital smell that the dark Ego never liked coming from Bim. The show host began to close the door, but Dark jumped up, calling out, "wait!"
Bim froze in his spot, eyes wide and slightly fearful. It gave Dark deja vu from when he first turned into a child. He brought back his aura, trying to look less threatening, and it occurred to him that he's never in his life done that. His goal was always to look as intimidating as possible, yet here he was, doing his best to back off and make Bim feel more comfortable.
"I..." Dark started, not sure what to say. It was just then he noticed Bim's eyes, how much duler they were than when he was a child. How all of his waning innocence was snatched from him by one way or another.
Bim watched him cautiously with those eyes, still ready to bolt at a moments notice. Dark raised his hand as if to offer it, but then put it back down, not sure what to do with it. The awkward silence was beginning to be uncomfortable, neither sure what to say or do to break it.
"Can... can I come in?" asked Bim, so quiet it was almost nonexistent. He looked so uncertain, so afraid of Dark lashing out like he was about to before.
"I... yes, come in," Dark finally said, coughing into his arm to get the frog unclogged from his throat. Bim stepped forward, letting go of the door and letting it shut behind him. The click of it shutting rang through the room, highlighting the consuming silence around the two Ego's. Dark stayed standing, not sure of he should sit down or not. He felt like he wasn't sure of anything anymore. Bim took all of that away.
"I wanted to talk to you," the show host began, shifting from foot to foot. "After... what happened this week. I remember but Dr. Iplier filled me in on it anyway."
Dark nodded, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me or not. After all. we've never had the best relationship with one another."
"I... I was wondering if week could talk about it?" Bim's voice cracked a little at the end, but Dark pretended he didn't hear it. He just nodded again, but didn't make any other moves besides that. He didn't want the show host to feel like he had to do this, but at the same time the dark Ego was expecting it. It wasn't like you could put the events of the past week aside like it never happened at all.
Dark took a deep breath. "Sure. What do you want to say?"
Bim hesitated. He wasn't even sure he would get this far, thought that Dark would simply forget about him like it never happened and things would just go back to normal. Yet here he was, willing to talk to Bim about it.
"I wanted to thank you, first of all, for... taking care of me I guess is the best way to put it. Thanks for not just leaving me to my own devices. Not that I think you would have, of course," the show host quickly added, seeing the expression on the suited Ego's face changed into something he couldn't place.
"You don't need to thank me for that, Bim," Dark said gently, surprising Bim to say the least. Dark rarely addressed him by his first name like that. It was always Trimmer or some other nickname meant to insult him. Why was he being so nice to him all of a sudden? "I think I should thank you too."
Bim furrowed his eyebrows at that. "Thank me for what?"
The dark Ego opened his mouth, only to close it again like a fish out of water. He looked so concentrated on something that Bim couldn't place, even if he could ever read Dark's expressions. The man was forever an enigma to him, no matter how many years they've known each other.
"Just thank you. I don't know what I'm thanking you for just," he swallowed, looking the show host right in the eye. "Thank you."
Bim felt some of the tension in his form melt away gradually. This was going so much better than he thought it would, but now it was time that he asked the questions he came here to ask.
"Why did you care for me so much?"
Dark's eyes became sad, as if that was the exact question he had been waiting for. It was the main thing that's been on Bim's mind since he turned back into an adult and he looked back on his memories as a child. He couldn't stop thinking about how tenderly Dark held him, how he defended Bim when the others became too much, helping Bim fall asleep and telling him things he's never told any other Ego. Telling him that he had nightmares.
"I don't know why, exactly. It was just for whatever reason... it was like instinct in a sense. I just wanted to hold you and tell you that everything would be alright, just like Celine would tell-" he cut himself off suddenly, just realizing what he was saying.
Bim stepped forward, confused about what the other was talking about. "Who's-"
"Please," Dark hushed. "Forget I said anything about that," he sighed again, running his fingers through his hair.
The show host gulped, studying the distressed look on Dark's face. He didn't know who Celine was, but whoever it was, she must have been important to him in some way. Perhaps she was someone he knew before he became an Ego, and he wanted to ask, but like Dark asked, he dropped that part. Instead, he focused on the other part.
"You had an instinct to protect me?"
Dark chuckled lowly, a small smile crossing his features. "I know, sounds impossible, right? That a heartless uncaring monster like me could ever care for anyone, much less a child," he ended bitterly. "But that's what happened. They all saw it, all of the Ego's. They must have thought I lost my mind, and to be honest, I don't think they're wrong." He got closer and closer to Bim with each word, but the show host didn't cower back like he thought. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. "Of all things to break down my walls, it was you, a child that ran away from me at first sight. Who would have guessed?
"But there were others things as well, the things I started to notice about you as time went on. How you hated whenever someone had a knife pointed at you, or when you ran away when Google's voice went deep, the way you become fearful when you do something wrong. I never noticed it before, but it's nearly exactly what you do as an adult, and for whatever reason, that got me thinking. It got me thinking about how you get uncomfortable around Yan and Wilford whenever they start to go into one of their phases, how you try to please everyone as much as possible and how," he paused, the next words barely coming out. "How afraid you are of me."
Bim stared at those black eyes and how intense they were, the raw emotion and weakness Dark was showing him.
And Dark too, saw the fear that he had described. Yes, it wasn't nearly as present as it usually was, but it still bothered him. It was weird that a week ago he wouldn't have cared if Bim was afraid of him or not, Hell, he would have thrived on knowing Bim was scared of him. But things were different now.
"And I come to a realization after all this. I've realized that I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore."
And then Dark was hugging Bim with everything he had, trying to convey what he wanted and that he changed. That he didn't want to be the source of this child's nightmares, and instead he wanted to be comfort.
When the show host didn't do anything for a minute, Dark thought he messed up. Royally messed up. This wasn't what Bim came here to do, came here to say. The suited Ego pulled back in a flash, the words I'm sorry on the tip of his tongue, but he was interrupted before that could happen. He was interrupted by Bim latching onto him like a lifeline, pulling him close and burying his head in Dark's chest. The darker Ego recuperated swiftly, carding his hand through Bim's hair as he felt sobs rake the show host, his whole form shuddering in Dark's arms.
A sharp feeling of deja vu came through the suited Ego, the memory of the that first day of Bim becoming a child coming to mind. But instead of being in a garden, he was in this room, and instead of Bim being a child, he was an adult.
Without even thinking about it, Dark was humming a tune that he never knew but still somehow remembered, the brief sight of Celine singing it appearing in his mind. He rocked their bodies back and forth, leaning his head down so that it was on Bim's shoulder. Dark's other hand that wasn't in Bim's hair was gently rubbing his back with circular motions, hoping it would sooth the show host.
They were both in that position for a long while. How long was irrelevant to Dark, every thought and every drop of energy going into calming down Bim. When the sobs and shaking finally seized, the show host pulled back slightly, just enough to look the dark Ego in the eye. Dark could see the emotions cycling through Bim's eyes: uncertainty, want, longing and what Dark thought was trust.
It was nice to finally feel trusted, but even still, that one question still ran through his throughs.
What happened to you?
The Host's response ringing in his ears.
Just ask him.
"Bim... what happened to you as a child?"
Bim's eyes grew conflicted, part of him wanting to tell Dark, the other wanting to keep it shoved down like he had all these years. What would it be like to finally get it off his chest, to reveal the horrors of it all?
The show host broke eye contact, stepping back a little more. "Can we sit down first?" he asked, not sure if he had the strength to stand up while doing this. To his relief Dark agreed, and they both sat on the floor, seeing that the only furniture in the room was the piano and it's bench.
Bim took a deep breath, staring down at his hands for several seconds. The story was on the tip of his tongue but he didn't know where to start, how much he should tell. Perhaps he should tell it all from the very beginning.
"I... I never knew my mom. At least, I didn't know her very well. I can remember little glimpses of her and whatnot, but I don't know her voice or even her name. I don't even think she should count as a mom," Bim began, already feeling tears trying to come up. Dark squeezed his hand reassuringly, encouraging him to go on.
"My dad, however, I did know, and there's not a day that passes that I wish I didn't. He... abused me. A lot. I don't think he was always that way, but... that's all I can recall him as. He gave me these," the show host continued, rolling up his sleeves to show the scars, which were a shade paler than his skin. There were even more than when Bim had been a child here, Dark thought, anger swelling inside of him.
No. He had to stay calm.
"He always used a knife to give me these, and always made sure no one could ever see them." The suited Ego thought back through the years he's known Bim. Had he ever seen him without long sleeves on? He couldn't remember seeing so, even when they went to the beach Bim insisted on keeping his suit on and never going into the water.
"He hit me a lot as well... blamed me for my mom leaving us," Bim's voice was hoarse now, taking several deep breaths to calm himself. "But the weirdest thing was, he looked almost exactly like... you. I know, weird, right? The first time I saw you I was so consumed with fear that I couldn't speak."
The dark Ego remembered that day when Bim was first created, appearing in Ego Inc with a flash. Bim had taken one look at him and didn't speak for 30 minutes. In fact, the first words he said were, "I'm Bim Trimmer!"
"It's also why I ran away when I first became a child. I thought that you were him... and that you had brought other people to hurt me. I didn't think, I just reacted, even though I thought you would still hurt me afterwards since I ran away.
"But anyway, all of this went on for many years, until I was about nine I think. I couldn't keep track of my birthday's very well, but I pretty sure that's how old I was. One day our next door neighbor came into our house while he was cutting me with the knife and called the police. My dad tried to stop them, but by the time he did the cops were there and he was arrested. He was sent to prison, but for how long I never knew, mainly because I never saw him again. I didn't have any other family to go to, so I was sent to an orphanage.
It was horrible there, from the first moment I entered to the moment I left. It was overcrowded, the food was bad and barely enough for the kids, the people that were supposed to take care of us were terrible, sickness spread easily, everything. The worst thing was, by the time I was there I had passed the age most adopting couples wanted. I watched kids come and go, and there I stayed until I graduated high school.
"You would not believe how happy I was to be out of there. I was malnourished for the most part, nothing but skin and bones, and I was forced to constantly wear something to cover up my scars because of how the other kids would treat me when they saw them. It was heaven to leave, and I did well enough in school to get a few scholarships to go to college. Things were finally starting to look up for me. I went into an acting and performance program, having found a talent in speaking and entertainment even though at the time I was still a very shy person. Hell, you could even argue that now.
"Then I found this girl. She was really nice and pretty and smart- and we got together after knowing each other a few months. It was great, I was doing well in my classes, I found a few good friends, and I had an amazing girlfriend. But with my luck, it didn't last very long. Not long at all.
"Lyra, my girlfriend, found out about the scars. Suddenly she became... disgusting towards me. I don't know why, she just was and there was nothing I could do about it. By this time we were living together and I felt like I couldn't leave, even if I wanted to. I was trapped in this cycle of being loved and being abused, eerily similar to what I went through with my dad, only there was no physical knife. The verbal and mental knife, however, was sharp and cut me to shreds.
"It got worse. I started losing sleep, skipping my classes, staying home most of the time. I was miserable, so miserable that I began... cutting myself. Right over the scars my dad gave me all of those years ago. I don't know why I started, or even when I started, but I did. I have no doubt that Lyra knew this, seeing that I covered it up horribly, but she didn't seem to care. No one seemed to care.
"I started having these odd dreams, though. Dreams of becoming the most famous show host anyone's ever known, to have adoring fans and someone who loved me for who I was. To forget anything in my childhood ever happened. But I knew it would never be true, and one day, that truth became too much for me to handle."
Bim was crying freely now, not trying to stop them. Dark had both of his hands know, intertwining them together and holding them firmly. He didn't say a word, but Bim could see the emotion and passion in his black eyes as he listened. The show host shuddered, a tear dripping off his chin. He had to finish. He was almost there.
"I-I cut myself again. But this time, I didn't stop once I had gone over the ones my dad gave me. I went deeper and deeper until I was at the bone, until I couldn't move at all. I killed myself so that everything would stop and I would be at peace, and for a time, it actually worked. I don't know how long I was dead, but the next moment I knew, I was reborn into this world as apart of Mark, and would you know it- I was a show host. People knew who I was. My dream had actually come true," he looked at Dark. Tears were rolling down his face now, and before Bim could blink, he was caught in the suited Ego's embrace.
For the second time that day, Bim cried into Dark's suit, and Dark cried with him.
But Dark wasn't crying simply because of Bim's story. Yes, that was part of it, but to know that the show host had kept this to himself for so long, kept it bottled up until it was ready to explode, hurt him a lot more than he expected it to. Everything hurt.
"I'm sorry," Dark was whispering over and over again. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry."
Maybe an hour passed, maybe 30 seconds, but Dark and Bim stayed there, wrapped up in each other. They never separated, even when they shifted around to get more comfortable.
Now they both laid on the ground, legs tangled together and arms wrapped around each other. Dark once again was carding a hand through Bim's hair, and Bim's arms were around his torso, sighing contently. The silence was comfortable and soothing, lulling them into sleep.
Before they finally submitted to its call, Dark said, "you'll never feel unloved again, you hear me? From this day forward, nothing will hurt you."
Bim chuckled weakly, snuggling even closer. "I would like that."
And just like that, the two Ego's fell asleep, forever changed by the events that happened in the past week.
None of them saw the Jim's snap pictures of them together, but then again, they didn't need to know either.