Chapter Text
Patton dipped his fingers into the open ketchup packet in the middle of the table again and licked it off of himself until Virgil nudged him.
“Patt, I told you to stop double-dipping,” Virgil grumbled and Patton giggled.
“Sorry, Vi,” Patton said in a voice that didn’t sound sorry at all. He wrapped his arms around Virgil’s neck and kissed him happily and Roman coughed.
“Hey, guys? Could you tone down the lovey-dovey stuff for now?” Roman asked, and the two leaned away from each other with surprise. Usually Roman would become excited or laugh when they did something even romantic with each other, but today was different.
Today Roman had called an emergency lunch meeting at a nearby McDonalds, and after ordering their food, he told the whole story about what happened between him and Logan to them. Virgil, not ever one to be overly empathetic, had patted his shoulder and mumbled his apologies and Patton nearly started crying as he leaned over the booth to hug Roman close to him.
“Yeah, sure, kiddo,” Patton said and adjusted his glasses awkwardly as the table was suddenly flooded with silence. Then the boy perked up and beamed at Roman. “Hey, Ro! When’s the musical you’re doing going to be?”
“Oh. It’s just a play, Patt,” Roman explained, glad for the change in subject. “And the first showing is next week.”
“Hey, that’s great! Me and Virgil will be there!” Patton squealed and side-hugged his boyfriend who didn’t have the heart to correct him by saying it was, ‘Virgil and I.’
“Thanks, guys,” Roman mumbled, looking down at the table, his mind already wandering back to his soulmate. He didn’t know what to think of the situation, even now, a week later. Did Logan breakup with him? Were soulmates allowed to breakup? He knew it’s happened before with different pairs but he never believed it would happen to him, not since meeting Logan. Roman whimpered sadly, looking between Patton and Virgil who were still talking amongst themselves and laughing happily.
Before meeting Logan Roman had been convinced his soulmate would not love him and he’d be doomed to live out the rest of his life forever. Now it seems that might actually be the case. And it was all because of a stupid math sheet. Roman knew he was dramatic, but geez, Logan seemed more attached to his studies than he was to him.
Roman felt guilty for thinking such horrible things about his soulmate, but he couldn’t help but feel they were true. Was he really so unlovable that even a piece of paper full of nothing but Geometry problems was better than him? Roman tried not to think about it.
Ever since their argument he and Logan had not spoken. It made it easy since they didn’t have each other for any classes, but it still made Roman sick to his stomach. He didn’t tell his parents about it and it took this long to tell his two friends about it. That’s how much it hurt him inside. He knew he should try making up with Logan, text him an essay worth of text as an apology and bring him flowers or something, but he had a feeling that wouldn’t work.
Logan wasn’t easily won over by romantic gestures (when Roman first asked him out with a grand gesture he had complained that he could’ve saved a lot of time and energy by simply asking him if he’d enjoy a romantic outing with him) so Roman was sure that anything that was included in his romantic fantasies wouldn’t work. And he was stuck. He was tempted to ask Virgil and Patton for help but he was too stubborn to. What kind of soulmate would he be if he had to ask for help on how to make up to his significant other?
Roman opted to remain in silence then, watching Virgil practically feed Patton a french fry. He didn’t have the strength to remind them of their promise to not be too lovey-dovey. Who was he to stop their fun just because he was feeling down? He really was a horrible person wasn’t he? What kind of monstrous, soul-crushing—
“Roman?”
Roman’s head snapped up and he grinned at his friends. “Yeah?”
“I was just saying Patton and I can try talking to Logan, if you want,” Virgil explained slowly. “Maybe try to get him to go to your play at least.”
“Thank you, Virge,” Roman said with a smile, “but I think I can handle this on my own.”
Virgil gave him an unconvinced look, but went back to talking about some new video game him and Patton had been playing together. Roman half-listened to them as he munched longingly on a fry. And in that moment Roman was scared, for perhaps for the first time in his life he was met with a battle that he couldn’t win. The battle for his soulmate, of all things. What a wonderful one to lose.
-
Logan tugged on the sleeve of his shirt with a frown, then looked down and realized that his said shirt was the blue plaid flannel Roman had gotten him for their one week anniversary. Logan huffed and shrugged it off, leaving him in just a black Star Wars tee. Logan then tried to concentrate back on his homework but couldn’t seem to, growling in the back of his throat. If there was one thing he hated in life it was being distracted from focusing on whatever task he had at hand (unless he was being distracted by Crofter’s, in which case that was completely acceptable.)
He threw his pencil down at his history homework and leaned back on his desk chair. Of course he knew the reason why he was feeling distracted but he didn’t want to admit it, even to himself. That gorgeous bastard of a soulmate he had was so incompetent Logan could hardly stand it. Yet here he was trying to right an essay on the effects of the American Revolutionary War but he could hardly get down a sentence without thinking of Roman.
Logan covered his face with his hand, hating himself for even thinking of his name. He supposed it was only natural, however. He was never one for fate and emotional things and whatnot, but he couldn’t deny he and Roman were soulmates. Not when the tattooed word on his arm was gone now. And it wasn’t just that. He found himself letting his walls down when he was with Roman. It was odd but comforting at the same time. Things never changed from that one day on the playground so long ago.
Logan nearly whimpered at the memory. He liked Roman even then without even knowing him. How was that even possible? Roman was an idiot. Roman was a big, stupid, beautiful idiot that Logan hated and loved with all that was left of his heart. There was no escaping that fact. Which was why a week without him has had such an effect on him, even if he’d only talked to Roman for a little over a month. He barley slept, scared of his own mind for always wandering back to him, and he could hardly concentrate on anything anymore.
How could he allow himself to be hurt this much after he left Roman? He was the one who broke up with him, if that’s what you even would call it. Logan didn’t understand relationships and their status, but he assumed it was a breakup since he made it pretty clear he didn’t want to talk to Roman again. He was maybe regretting that now, and he pinched the bridge of his nose in disgust with himself.
Knowing he wasn’t going to be finishing his history anytime soon, Logan threw on his headphones and sat on his bed, letting himself relax to the sound of his audiobook. Somewhere in the midst of it, though, he realized he hadn’t even been listening for the past few minutes, instead thinking of the curve of Roman’s lips and his tousled hair. Logan threw off his headphones with alarm, eyes wide. He needed to stop, oh God... why can’t it stop...?
Just then he heard the sound of his door opening and looked up to his mom looking down at him with a warm smile. “Logan?” she asked softly. “Are you alright, honey?”
Logan mumbled something incoherent as she moved to sit down on the edge of his bed with him. “Is school stressing you out? I never thought I’d see the day,” his mom said, looking over at his unfinished homework on his desk.
“No, mother,” Logan sighed. “It is not... school.”
His mom waited for him to say more and when he didn’t she raised her brows. Her son usually wasn’t the type to not talk much. Most of her interactions with him usually had him spitting facts at her within the first five minutes. This was unusual. Then again, she couldn’t blame him. Maybe he was simply tired. It was, after all, after ten on a Monday night. And she hadn’t been able to talk to him in awhile. Being a single parent, she had to pick up a lot of jobs to be able to take care of her children, so she wasn’t able to be with them as much as she’d like to.
“I talked with Elliott already. They said you kids have a long week ahead in Chemistry,” his mom said, trying to make some decent conversation. Logan still had his eyes trained on his bedsheets and he shrugged. A few moments of awkward silence passed as his mom scanned his body, seeing he didn’t look so much as exhausted as he did upset. Then slowly her eyes went up to his arms, expecting to see the same “Hello.” word marked across his right arm, only to see it was gone.
“Logan,” she gasped. “Where... where is your soulmate tattoo?!” She was now screaming in shock, jumping off the bed. “Did- did you know it disappeared? Did you see your soulmate without knowing? Lo-“
“No, mom.” Logan’s voice was deadly grave as he interrupted her rambling. She overthought things just like him, it was one thing they had in common. “I know who he is.”
“He? Oh, that’s wonderful, Logan! What’s his name? What’s he like? Are you dating yet? Why didn’t you tell me?” Logan grimaced at his mom’s words.
“We’re done, mom,” Logan cut her off with a frown. “It didn’t work out.”
“Didn’t-? But Logan you’re soulmates!”
“So were you and dad, but look how that worked out!” Logan cried. His mom froze, looking at her son with some form of absolute shock. Logan rarely yelled, and if he did it was directed towards Elliott. She lowered her head and sighed, low and quiet. “I’m sorry, mother,” Logan said after a few seconds. “I just- I think the universe made a mistake and-“
“We did love each other, you know,” she interrupted. “He just loved his job more. He had to go. He had to, Lo. Even if he left his wife and two kids behind.” Trails of tears flowed down her cheeks. Logan knew the story well, she didn’t need to repeat it. His dad had to travel to Europe to introduce his new computer designs to their marketers when he died in a car crash. That was enough alone, but before the trip his mom and him had gotten in a heated argument and Logan was almost sure if he didn’t die he would’ve rather stayed there in that foreign continent than come back home. It was hard but it was the truth.
“I know,” Logan mumbled. “I’m.. I’m afraid my soulmate and I might be going through a similar situation as far as the disagreements are concerned. I’ve actually been working on a theory on how maybe fate is getting weaker these days in deciding these ‘soulmates’ as we all them-“
“Logan,” his mom reached, grabbing his hands. “Look at me.” He did and she began wiping tears from his face. Since when was he crying? “I love you, and your decisions are your own, but...” She bit her lip in thought, looking into her son’s watery eyes. “You love him... don’t you?”
Logan slowly nodded. “I do.”
“Than why can’t you stop being so stubborn for once and... let him love you?”
Logan didn’t respond, and knowing she wouldn’t get another word out of him that night, his mom kissed his head and left. Logan pondered over her words for a minute before pulling out his phone. There was a text waiting for him from Virgil.
Virgil Storm:
Hey, Lo. Roman has his play coming up and Patton and I wanted to know if you’re coming.
Logan breathed heavily through his nose. His thumbs danced across the screen without his consent typing out the words, “When is the play?” He wanted to go, he did. He’d never seen Roman act, and frankly, he never understood theatre, but he knew he’d love it. He loved Roman. Logan looked down at the message, his fingers hovering over the send button.
Then he deleted his message before he could and deleted Virgil’s too.
-
“You’re going to do great out there!” Emile cheered as he fixed up Roman’s costume and makeup. Roman smirked sadly at his friend and nodded. It was show night. Which meant it had been two weeks since he and Logan has last talked, and Roman was dying. He had hoped preparing for the play would help distract him. Every night he ran over his lines again and again, every rehearsal he gave his all at, but it was no use. Minutes before he was supposed to go on stage and he still couldn’t get Logan out of his mind.
Eventually Emile went to go check the lights and Roman was left alone with his thoughts, fifteen minutes until show time. He picked at the hem of his sleeve then brought it up to his elbow, tracing his finger over her arm where his tattoo once was marked across his skin. He sighed, the words slipping through his mind out of habit.
“I’m about as intelligent as an eggplant,” Roman choked with a smile, trying desperately to hold back his tears so he wouldn’t ruin his makeup. “Oh, Logan I miss you.”
His sentence echoed throughout the empty dressing room, and after a few grieving minutes, Roman looked over at his phone. He slowly reached for it and looked down at the cold screen. Texts from Patton, Virgil, and other friends were coming through, all telling him they made it and they were in the audience, excited to see him perform. Everyone he loved would be there, except, that is, for his soulmate. Roman gulped, feeling another wave of guilt wash over him and decided he had enough.
In an act of pure impulse, he called Logan. He felt the telltale buzzing over the phone until he was met with Logan’s voicemail, and at the sound of his soulmate’s voice, even if it was simply over a machine and prerecorded, was enough to make Roman grin stupidly.
“You are currently trying to reach Logan T. Sanders. I apologize I cannot talk at this very moment. Please leave a message if you have an urgent issue. And if this is Crofter’s Organic, yes, I did mean to order that many jars, thank you. Have a good day.” There was a long beep and Roman took a deep breath.
“Logan? It’s, uh, me, Roman. Wait- you already knew that. Um, never mind,” Roman stuttered. “Anyways, I have ten minutes until my play starts and I know you’re not going to come but...” Roman sighed heavily, feeling tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. “I’m so, so sorry. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind the past couple weeks. I... I don’t know what to do, Logan. I love you, goddamn, you know I do and I’m so sorry. And I’m not sorry just because of what I said... what I did. I- I remember a long time ago-“
Roman pauses to smile up at the ceiling. “You were sitting down, reading a book about Sherlock Holmes, and my friends went up to you and started teasing you. I... I should’ve done something to help you, try and tell them to stop, but I didn’t. I don’t know if I was just feeling like being a jerk or if I was just trying to, you know, fit in, but I should’ve... I should’ve stood up for you. And I’m not saying that as your soulmate, I’m saying that as a decent human being who’s done some not-so decent things that I regret. But, I think you’d like to know I watched you read everyday after that and as much as I’d let myself allow. I didn’t even know your name and years later I find you again as my tutor, of all things. There’s always been something special about you, Logan. I didn’t realize it then, but I’ve always loved you. I’m just too big of an idiot to see how I need to show that. An idiot as intelligent as an eggplant.”
Roman scratched the back of his neck and looked up at the ticking clock on the wall in front of him. “I’m not asking you to take me back or even forgive me. I just wanted you to know that stuff. Get it off my chest, I guess. I’m going to miss you, Lo. I really am. I... I hope you’ll miss me too but that’s probably just wishful thinking. Just... take care of yourself for me, okay? I... I love you.” His voice sounded broken this time as he said it. “And I understand why you wanted to leave me. Goodbye, Logan.”
With that, he ended the message and got up from his chair. He stretched out his cramped muscles and breathed heavily so he wouldn’t actually start crying. Five minutes until show time. He had to get onstage now. With one glance at his phone, he picked up his prop sword and left the room without another word.
The stage was dark by the time he arrived and people were taking their places and giving him encouraging thumbs-up. He smiled weakly and got into place, trying to scan through the audience but it was hopeless with this dim of lights. And by the time the stage would be lit up again he would be acting and wouldn’t be able to look out into the audience. Roman breathed heavily though his nose. Now was not the time to think about that.
The show proceeded on and Roman was proud to say there was very little mistakes made considering how clouded with grief his mind was. He lost himself in the character he was playing, a feeling of escape he hadn’t felt in awhile swelling within him, but a weight in his chest remained. When the show ended it didn’t feel like the end, but the audience was roaring with applause and it was time for the final bows. Everyone was behind the curtains, including him, and slowly his cast mates poured onto the stage until it was just him left.
As if his feet were made out of bricks, Roman sluggishly made his way out into the stage, offering a half-hearted smile to the clapping audience. When he finally made it to the edge of the stage to bow, he looked out at the people watching, searching desperately but to no avail. Of course he didn’t show. Roman was pathetic to think otherwise. With a frown, Roman went back with his fellow actors and bowed with all of them, blowing kisses and waving as the curtains closed. And Roman finally allowed himself to cry.
His tears were able to be disguised as happy ones, however, as people pat his back and congratulated him on the good job he did. Eventually, the curtains opened again and they were able to go to the audience to celebrate with their waiting friends and family. Roman spotted Virgil and Patton cheering for him as they held hands. Roman couldn’t help but grin at that. At least someone’s romance worked out.
He went up to them and accepted Patton’s happy praise and Virgil’s thumbs-up. Roman thanked them but his heart still felt empty. He wasn’t satisfied. He tried to gulp it down. He began to get deep in a conversation with Patton about how his aunt was coming over to stay for a few days after learning Patton had found his soulmate. Virgil was very anxious, of course, but he was slowly getting more and more used to the idea. Besides, if she was related to Patton, how horrible and judgmental could she possibly be?
Virgil was just in the middle of making a self-deprecating joke on the topic when a loud sound came from behind them. Everyone left in the room turned towards the doors to see them slammed open and a figure standing there, hair disheveled and breathing labored. It’s when the person’s head looked up to examine the room did Roman realize who it was.
“Logan?” he breathed in disbelief.
Logan looked at him and ran a hand through his dark hair sheepishly. “Greetings, Roman. I-“
“Logan!” Roman cried, running over to his soulmate and embracing him tightly. “Oh, Logan, Logan, I’m so, so sorry. But you came! You actually came-!”
Logan pushed off of him. “What makes you believe I’m ready to make up with you yet?”
Roman swallowed thickly, disappointment taking over his face. “Oh. I just assumed-“
“No. There is something I must do first,” Logan said, reaching behind him to pull out a large bouquet of red roses. Roman gasped just looking at them and Logan continued, “Roman, I apologize for my hurting your feelings and breaking up with you. You are my soulmate, sure, but you mean so much more than just what fate told us to be. I... I realize I’m not the most affectionate partner and that you deserve better but I cannot just push away my feelings for you. I love you, Roman and I-“
He didn’t get another word in before Roman pressed him into a kiss, earning an applause from Patton and Virgil. “Logan,” Roman said against his lips after parting with them. “For once, do me a favor, and shut up.” They both grinned slightly at that.
“Gladly. But one more thing-“ Roman gave him a look. “I’m serious, Roman. This is important.” Roman let go of Logan and nodded, ready to take whatever scolding he was about to give him. To his surprise, though, Logan just pecked his cheek and mumbled against him, “Lesson number three, I will never leave you ever again.”
Roman kissed him again.