Chapter Text
Peter couldn’t believe it. Deadpool had actually texted him for a real mission. Not just for a minor case like catching a parrot that had gotten away from his elderly owner. Something he’d done anyway, mostly because the disoriented bird flew right into his path. The perfect warm-up before kicking some drug dealer’s butt at least that’s how he interpreted the pill and syringe emoji followed by guns, knives and bombs. Peter just hoped the bombs wouldn’t be necessary. Structural damages were one of the main reasons not every citizen was a fan of their heroes.
They’re supposed to meet up near the docks and if he arrived half an hour too early it was just because he liked to prove that he’s reliable then so be it. This way he had some time to check out the various warehouses. Peeking through the windows it wasn’t hard to find the right one. The only place with the lights still on and a bunch of guys moving around a dozen crates, loading them into two small trucks.
„Think fast!“, a familiar voice prompted.
Peter’s Spidey senses warned him of the incoming projectile before he fully registered Deadpool’s warning. Luckily it wasn’t a bullet aimed at him but a lump of fabric that he caught out of reflex. Unfolding the clothing it turned out to be a white crop top with a self made design on it, which looked suspiciously like drawn with red and black sharpie. „HIT. Don’t shoot.“, the brunet read out the words beneath the X symbol aloud, slowly lowering the shirt with no intention to put it on.
„Don’t get it wrong. HIT stands for hero in training!“
„I already have a suit and this isn’t exactly an update.“ No one would think that those three letters were an acronym but assume he wanted to get hit. Instead of throwing the top over his shoulder he balled it up in his hand and threw it back at Wade’s chest.
„You should listen to your elders. Maybe this way we can guilt trip them into going nice on you.“
„Yeah, I’m sure those drug dealers have a really soft spot for trainees.“
„Alright, Plan F. I’m going in first, you wait here until I’m giving the signal.“
„What signal?“
„I’m gonna imitate a moose roar. Unmistakable.“
„Okay. I’ve never heard or seen a moose.“
„How do you city kids even survive?“, Wade wanted to know, staring at the Web Wonder in bewilderment. Survival trips into the wilderness should be mandatory at school, not just during military training.
„Tutorials?“
„…just follow my lead and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.“
„That doesn’t really leave much limitation.“
„Sassy lil shit, ain’t ya?“
-
Everything went great.
That was until it turned out that the dealer squad included two cyborg guys who weren’t going down as easily as the rest of them. Several men had been webbed to the ground while the one with the robotic legs was still running freely, avoiding all of Spider-Man’s attempts to get a hold of him. Meanwhile, Deadpool kept the second one with the metal arm busy and simultaneously trying to detach the bothersome limb. Hey he played it cool on the murdering part but that didn’t mean a bit of maiming once in a blue moon.
One of Wade’s bullets got deflected by the damn metal biceps instead hitting one of the nearby wooden crates. A white cloud erupted from the hole and his opponent deliberately backed away. It was a new, experimental drug accountable for the death of thirty people so far and still counting. Wade didn’t know how exactly it worked, but he’d seen pictures of the victims, which meant he was sure they did have a rather vicious effect.
„Gotcha!“, Spider-Man claimed triumphantly from his right, finally succeeding in immobilizing one of the dealer’s legs. Unfortunately he’d missed the other one. His Spidey sense warned him of the immediate danger, and he was about to flip backwards out of reach when a titanium feet kicked him right into the center of his chest. Peter was send flying but came to a sudden and painful stop when he crashed into a crate. Dazed by the impact he didn’t immediately realize that the reason his vision was sorta blurry wasn’t the effect of a concussion. He could still perceive his surrounding, through a white veil. His Spidey senses had skyrocketed, making his brain catch up with the fact that he’s currently sitting in a snowdrift out of drugs.
Peter scrubbed at his mask frantically, trying to get the glittery powder off his lenses. The rational part of his brain told him to hold his breath as long as possible since he didn’t know how the substance would affect him. His enhanced metabolism didn’t make him immune after all. Unfortunately his basic instinct to breath kicked in, making him inhale harshly. There was no filter system inside his suit because something like this hadn’t occurred before. Now that it was happening Peter inwardly cursed his past self for thinking a voice changer was more important. Coarse particles shouldn’t be able to go through the fabric but the powder was extra fine. Peter could feel it sticking to the back of his throat, making him cough fiercely.
„Oh fuck, you weren’t supposed to swallow!“
[That’s what he said]
‚Congrats you’ve drugged a kid’
„I’m calling bad luck.“
[That’s why we should keep Domino around]
‚Wish I could live in her head’
[Or even better her body]
‚That would be the jackpot’
„Now you sound just like the nasty brain parasites that you are. Hey, not Winter Soldier, eyes on me, I’m the main protagonist of this damn story!“ Wade had to interrupt his chitchat with White and Yellow in order to prevent that mechanically upgraded guy from blowing Spidey’s brains out.
„Why does everyone and their mum got a metal limb these days??“, he grumbled with an annoyed sigh while drawing another gun, putting the empty one back into the holster. It was still working, no reason to throw a good weapon away like they’re always doing it in the movies after using up all their ammo. Big bad’s attention was averting back to Deadpool and with it the aim of his slightly bigger gun. Not that he’s feeling envious, he just noticed.
„Are we having a real western showdown? Better bite the pillow because this is gonna hurt you a lot more than it’s gonna hurt me.“ Wade didn’t get the chance to take out Mr Cyborg all Lucky Luke style. Suddenly there’s a web, nailing the man to a container and making him stick there like post-it notes.
„And once again you’re finishing what I’ve started.“, Wade complained sullenly, shoving his gun back into the holster attached to his thigh. „I don’t feel so good.“, came the faint reply from the arachnid.
„Too soon, you’re triggering the readers. Don’t you dare dissolving on me, I’m not your father figure!“
„I think I’m high...and having internal bleeding“, Peter added after a brief pause, not even trying to make sense out of Wade’s confusing words.
„Sounds like a happy end to me. Oh wait, is that blood or…shit.“ The red fabric around Spider-Man’s mouth area had darkened, forming a growing blotch. „We have to get you out of the suit and decontaminated.“ Deadpool stated.
„It’s too late, the drug is going to kill him.“, one of the cyborg guys chipped in unhelpfully, struggling to get out his bonds.
„No one asked for your opinion, Sharon!“
Peter’s muscles were tensing against his will and when Deadpool approached him to take a closer look and probably help him up. The younger one quickly flung himself sideways, crawling a few meters before he got back up on his feet by himself. The room was tilting heavily to the right and unintentionally Peter leaned the same way almost making him fall down again.
„Stay back.“, he ordered Deadpool, tasting the distinct flavor of blood in his mouth. Were his lungs filling up with it as well? A sudden wave of panic seized him, turning his breathing more labored. How much time?
The boots of the mercenary sounded like nails on a chalkboard with every heavy step he took towards him, making Peter’s ears hurt. Were they bleeding too or was he just imagining things?
„I only wanna help, we’re the new dynamic duo, after all. Team Red!“
„No. You didn’t want me around-„ „Shouldn’t have tried…I just wanted to clear a dept.“, Peter mumbled, his head reeling. Fractured memories flashed before his eyes, a white room, an IV bag filled with dark liquid and then everything went blood-red.
„I have no idea what you’re talking about. The drugs are messing with your brain. I can get you to a hospital where they can help you.“ Like the distrustful, drugged guy Spider-Man was he decided to scurried away and escaped through one of the few windows the warehouse had, shattering the glass in the process. Wade didn’t know if he should follow him or if it was already too late. This was his fault, he shouldn’t have taken the kid on such a dangerous job with him.
[You scared him off, wasn’t that the endgame to begin with?]
And in addition the minions would probably escape if he left now. Dammit, he’d just have to catch them another time. Killing was so much easier, he already started to hate his redemption arc.
Exiting the warehouse through the main entrance the mercenary followed the trail of blood drops outside his dear Spiderling had left behind. What an amateur mistake, he still had so much to learn from his Sith Lord. That’s if he were to survive the night. Luckily Wade quickly managed to catch up with the boy outside where he was stumbling around like a drunk sailor. On the bright side he’s still somewhat standing and his organs seemingly functioned as well. Carefully wrapping an arm around Spider-Man’s back Wade could feel him momentarily struggle against his support but quickly giving up to lean against his side instead.
„Let me help you. I know a guy, who’s on Santapools shitlist and therefor owes me a favor of two. He’s a doctor, I’m sure he can help.“
[Technically he’s a vet who got fired from his previous job for unethical procedures and this isn’t a flea stricken puppy, just saying]
„Ssssh, details! We’re all just mammals.“, Wade silenced the objections from the voices. The guys had his office ten blocks away, which was closer than any other hospital he was aware of.
It’s probably already too late anyways.
Peter wanted to say something but his tongue seemed to be stuck to his palate, unwilling to move. The burden of making the final decision was taken from Spider-Man’s slim shoulders when he fainted, collapsing and would have hit the ground if it weren’t for Wade’s reflexes preventing him from doing so. Picking up the teen like a wet bag of flour he cradled him against his chest. Doing so with only one arm was a challenge, but he needed his other hand to make a grab for his mobile and call for backup. After, that they’d have to take a bath. The nasty kind without foam and lots of sewage instead.