Chapter Text
Tony had dropped Peter off at the apartment whilst he was still somewhat asleep, allowing Peter to avoid giving an explanation to Tony. When he’d opened the door, still half asleep, May pulled him close and held him, her wrinkled hands shaking against his back.
That was two hours ago. Now, Peter sat, knees to his chest as May kneeled over the dvd player. She was flipping through an album of discs, adjusting her glasses every now and then as she flipped back and forth. She hadn’t moved from her position for almost five minutes, and had barely spoken to Peter all evening. If she was really looking for a disc she would’ve found it by now. Eventually, she closed the album and turned, lips pursed before she spoke, voice filled with hurt, and confusion. “Peter, I-I just--why did you lie to me?”
Peter’s palms started sweating. He shifted on the couch nervously, and sighed, trying to let the anxiety escape from his chest. He’d been waiting and preparing for her to ask him, but all of his excuses left his mind the moment she turned, betrayal on her face. Why didn’t you tell her? His stomach was swirling, filling with dread and fear and- Don’t throw up, don’t fucking panic. Answer her. “I don’t--I don’t know. I mean,” Peter clasped his hands together and let out another breath. “I-I don’t want to make things harder for you.” He whispered. Betrayal was replaced with sadness on May’s face. The familiar feeling of guilt weighed down in his stomach. “Peter, honey I love you, and I need you to tell me when you need help so I can help you!” His fists were clenching and unclenching, releasing tension, keeping him from vomiting. “It’s stupid, and i-it doesn’t matter.” May frowned at his dismissive tone and got up. She walked over and sat next to him, taking off her glasses as she turned to face him. “It didn’t seem so stupid when you had a panic attack over it.” Peter swallowed, forcing himself to breath evenly, his voice croaked out, giving away whatever bit of nonchalance he’d been trying to maintain. “May, look-”
“No, you look. I love you, and I care about you and how you feel, and I want to know when things are hard for you. You’re feeling terrible and I-I don’t even know about it? That’s worse than anything I’ll have to do for you.” Peter felt his eyes brimming with tears and blinked them away. She placed one of her hands on his, and stayed silent, waiting for him to answer. He wiped his free hand over his eyes, before his soft voice filled the silence. “My-My spider powers affect me, and-and they make me resistant to some foreign substances.” He looked up at her curious expression, hesitating before he continued. “... Including my pills.” “Oh, oh Peter, honey.” May pulled him to her and held him close, leaning his head onto her shoulder as she rubbed her hand up his back. He wrapped his arms around her in return and felt himself shivering, with anxiety or relief, he didn’t know. “I-I need to take like half a bottle for them to even affect me, and-and I knew they were expensive and I-I didn’t w-want you spending on them a-all the time.” His voice was shaking, chopping up his words. She held him tighter. “Oh Peter.” He felt a wet spot on his shoulder, and turned, fully leaning on her as tears rolled down her face. “You’re more important to me than anything else in the world, including my money.” Peter furrowed his brows. “I don’t want you having to waste it all just so I can be happy.” May lifted his head from her shoulder and cupped his cheek. “Peter if it makes you happy then it’s not wasted.” Peter looked away. He knew he should believe her, knew she’d never lie to him. But it all sounded like a faraway dream, a fantasy. She turned his head to face her. “Look at me, look at me.” She sighed and held his face with both hands. “It’s alright. Peter I love you and I want nothing more than for you to be happy, and to have your voice heard. If you need something, I will get it for you, no matter the price.” She wiped his tears away and kissed his cheek before he let him go. “Okay?” Peter nodded. “Okay.” May smiled and went back to the album of discs. “Good.” She stopped for a moment, her hand on the album as she thought. “Are you gonna explain to Tony what happened?” Alarm ran through his head. “Oh shit I forgot he saw me.” “Hey! Watch it boy.” “Sorry I meant shoot.” May shook her head at him before she sat cross legged and pulled the album back into her lap. “Are you gonna tell him?” Peter leaned back and sighed. It was hard enough telling May, and now he had to tell Tony fucking Stark. “I-I don’t know I mean. Ugh I just- I don’t want him to think bad of me.” “Why would he think badly? As long as he doesn’t act like an ass about it I’m sure it’ll be fine.” “I guess, I don’t know.” Peter shrugged, holding his hands in fists, as frustration filled his body. “UGH! I feel stupid and embarrassed. You-you come down to see what’s wrong with this random kid you invited over and he’s-he’s just sitting on the floor, crying over nothing.” May leaned in his direction, propping herself up on her elbows. “You had a bad moment! trust me he’s been in worse situations. You having a panic attack probably just worried him.” Peter threw his hands in the air. “Yeah, great, now I’ve contributed to the things he’s gotta worry about, now im another burden, on top of saving the world and other, more important things. God he should hate me for making everything worse for him-” “No, he shouldn’t,” May’s voice was firm. Peter shut his mouth, and stayed quiet. “You’re not a burden to him, he cares about you. If he didn’t care about you and didn’t want to deal with you he wouldn’t have called you to come over in the first place.” Peter raised his hands, thinking of a good response. He sighed, and dropped his hands, nodding in defeat. She doesn’t know that. May pursed her lips again as she leaned back to her original position and returned to flipping through the discs. “If you want I’ll tell him. Or I could make an excuse for you.” Peter shook his head. “No, I’ll do it. I’ll-I’ll just go over on Saturday and get it over with.” May smiled. “Good. Maybe you’ll feel better and won’t feel embarrassed anymore.” Peter placed his hands on his chest, and continued to stare at the ceiling. “Hm”
May finally pulled a disc out of the album and held it up for him to see. “Anyway what do we need to watch next, Return Of the Jedi?” Peter rolled his eyes. “No! We need to watch Attack of the Clones next.” “But we just watched episode five! Why’re we watching them all out of order?” He sighed and smiled, crawling onto the floor next to her to help find the right disc. “Becaaause. If we watch it the right way you’ll get spoiled for the best plot twist ever and I’ll have failed at being your nephew.”
---
“How are you feeling Mister Parker?” Friday’s voice once again rang out above, filled with a concern he hadn’t heard from her before. “Um, I’m alright? Thanks Friday.” “Tony’s waiting for you downstairs, as usual.” He nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets, sucking in a breath before descending into the workshop. He heard the whirring of tools stop, followed by Tony’s footsteps making their way to the bottom of the staircase. He was in a grungy looking white t-shirt, covered in burns and oil stains. He gave Peter a weak smile as he stepped down beside Tony. “So, how’re you feeling Pete?” Peter opened his mouth, unsure of how to answer, when he remembered Friday asking him almost the same thing. “I already told Friday I’m fine.” Tony rolled his eyes and smirked, before he walked back over to the main area, picking up where he left off. “Alright alright, sue me. Drop the backpack and get over here.”
---
Tony hadn’t said a word on the subject. For a while Peter had thought Tony was waiting to bring it up, like May had, but almost four hours had passed and Tony hadn’t even alluded to it. May probably told him. He bit his cheek, thinking over him and May’s conversation. She said she wouldn’t, but maybe she did anyway? Peter shook his head at the thought. What kind of nephew was he? Accusing his aunt of breaking her promise to him. But why else would Tony not mention it? He probably thinks you’re crazy now. That’s why he won’t bring it up. “Do you know? Did May tell you?” Peter felt a little surprise at himself, for speaking his thoughts aloud. Tony turned around at the sudden break in silence. He raised an eyebrow. “Tell me what?” Frustration burned through Peter. If May had told him, he’d know what I’m asking about. If he doesn’t know, why hasn’t he been asking me about last week? Peter turned to face Tony, and felt a cold shiver run through his body. Calm the fuck down, and keep your shit together. He looked down at the floor, searching for words. When they burst out of him, he couldn’t stop talking. “Why aren’t you asking about what happened last time? I didn’t reply to any of your messages for the past week and you haven’t even mentioned it! Do you not care? Did-did I freak you out?” Tony looked alarmed that Peter’s often calm words were so strained and upset. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, letting them rest there while he spoke. “I figured you didn’t want to talk about it yet and I...” Tony swallowed and dropped his hands, looking Peter in the eyes. “I wasn’t trying to push it. I didn’t want to make you feel like I didn’t understand or care.” Peter noticed one of Tony’s hands, holding onto his work table so tight his knuckles were turning white. Tony cleared his throat and looked down. “I didn’t want to make you feel like my father would have made you felt.”
Peter swallowed. Guilt was quickly replacing the frustration and confusion. Good going you absolute piece of shit. “Oh.” Peter was almost thankful for the awkward silence that followed, giving his mind time to scramble and find a response. How do I respond without sounding shitty? However, Tony was the one who broke the silence. “Do you want to talk about it?” Peter hesitated, looking down at his feet. “I guess. I-I dunno, never mind” Tony leaned over and put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. Peter couldn’t meet Tony’s eyes. “Pete, it’s fine. If you don’t want to talk about it, or you want me to forget it ever happened, it’s fine.” Tony furrowed his brows. “Unless you’re in danger, in which case I’ll have to kick your ass for hiding that one from me.” Peter stepped back, and waved his hands in alarm. “No! No I’m uh, I’m fine.” Peter sighed and crossed his arms. “Its stupid I just-” He cut himself short, covering his face with a hand as he leaned back on the table behind him.”--I have depression and I’m-I’m kind of um, suicidal. Sometimes.” He sighed, keeping his eyes shut as he continued. “My spider senses block out foreign things, like my pills. So I have to take a bunch for them to even work.” He wiped his hand reluctantly down from his face, and looked at Tony’s expression. Tony’s eyes were wide, and mouth slightly open, but no words made their way out.
They stared at each other for a second, before Peter pushed past Tony in a hurry, heading towards the entrance of the workshop. “I-I I’m sorry. God, I knew I shouldn’t’ve- that was stupid just- nevermind-” Tony stepped towards Peter. “Pete,” Peter didn’t look back. “Mr. Stark I’m sorry I shouldn’t put these things on you, th-they don’t matter-” Tony quickened his pace, walking behind the panicked teenager. “Peter wait-” Peter grabbed his jacket and slung it over his shoulder. “No, no, Mr. Stark don’t worry about it, this was a mistake I’ll just-I’ll just go-” Tony stepped forward and grabbed Peter’s shoulder. He spun Peter around, putting them face to face. “Peter it’s fine-” “No its not!” Tony raised his brows as Peter’s usually quiet voice echoed throughout the workshop. Peter stepped backward, dropping Tony’s hand from his shoulder. “I’m-I’m putting all of my problems on you, and May, and-and making everybody worry about me being a burden and-and a screw up!” Tony crossed his arms, his voice stern. “Peter that’s not true!” Peter covered his face again and turned away from Tony. “You’re just saying that,” Tony stepped closer to Peter. “Peter we care about you-” “You shouldn’t.” Tony heard Peter’s voice crack and felt guilt fill his body. Tony knew what it felt like, being a burden and a screw up. He knew how awful Peter felt, and- damnit why did Peter of all people feel like this? He wrapped an arm around Peter, the only thing he could think to do and pulled him back to their chairs. He held Peter close to his chest and stroked his hand up and down his back. “We should care about you. We don’t think you’re awful, because you aren’t.” Peter held back a sob, but he couldn’t do anything about the tears forming in his eyes. Oh look, Peter’s looking for pity. What a surprise. Tony pressed his face down into Peter’s hair and sighed. “Peter I would, and I’m sure your aunt would, rather you tell us you’re upset than just keep it to yourself so you can deal with it on your own.” “I don’t want to bother-” Tony shook his head, which mussed around Peter’s hair. “You’re not bothering either of us. I’m sure May would all the more devastated to know you’re keeping things that are hurting you, secret from her, rather than telling her.” Tony could see Peter’s fists, clenching and unclenching in his lap, before Peter muttered in agreement. Peter loosely crossed his arms, and sighed. “I don’t want to add on top of everything you guys have to deal with already.” Tony scoffed, lifting his head out of Peter’s hair, keeping his hands on Peter’s shoulders as they made eye contact. “If I can handle Steve Rogers’ hundred-year-old, whiny ass leaving me to die in Siberia, and essentially saying ‘fuck you’ to 114 countries and leaving me to deal with the dumpster fire, on top of everything else, then I can handle you, asking for help, or telling me you’re having a hard day.” Peter felt stupid as he thought over the comparison. You’ve wasted all his time over nothing. Fucking drama queen. Why didn’t you just tell him about your pills? Why didn’t you try to work something out? Inconsiderate and stupid as always. Tony watched Peter, and noticed his face was scrunching up. “You’re having bad thoughts right now aren’t you?” Peter sighed and leaned up a bit while he rubbed his face. “Yeah.” He said in a small voice. Tony patted him on the back before standing and sauntering back to his work station. “Its ok to tell people things and ask for help. You could never bother me Peter.” Peter wiped his eyes and smiled to himself. “I know its just... I don’t know. It’s-it’s hard to believe that-that people care or want to hear it I guess.”
Tony frowned before turning in Peter’s direction, and giving him a sad smile, as feelings of stupidity, and guilt, mirroring Peter’s, settled in his chest.
Why couldn't you tell Peter felt like this? Are you fucking blind?
Tony resisted the urge to grit his teeth, and let his eyes close at the thought.
“I know.”
---
“Hey Friday,”
“Yes Tony.”
“...Lookup Peter’s doctor and have his antidepressant prescription quadrupled, maybe quintupled.
“I assume the bill is to be sent here?”
“You got it.”