Chapter Text
It was a reflex to ask for a table for seven. Though it had been one year, two months, and five days (but who’s counting) Seokjin still automatically accounted on everyone being there. No one looked at the empty chair.
The air was tense at first. What do you say in situations like this? How do you broach such a topic? Gradually, through jokes and memes, they relaxed, falling into old habits and laughter. Still, the topic at hand loomed over them ominously. No one looked at the empty chair.
“So, Hobi. What finally got you to change to dance?” Taehyung leaned forward on the table, looking to the elder excitedly. Hoseok grinned a bit, stiffening uncomfortably.
“Ah… well, I figured that you only get one shot at this life. There’s no reason to spend it miserable. Guess I’ve always known that but, things uh, finally convinced me.” The laughter died down, stress invading the air. They all knew exactly what he meant. No one looked at the empty chair.
“...That’s why I dropped out. Kind of.” Taehyung leaned back a bit, fiddling with his coat sleeve. “I wasn’t happy. Maybe I was before, but I wasn’t anymore, and uh, there’s no major for what I like doing. At least, not there.”
“Ah, right. What are you doing now then?” Seokjin asked, trying to put an upbeat tone in his voice.
“It kind of happened by luck. I went back to my grandmother’s to figure stuff out, and got real into social media. Please don’t think it’s dumb but I guess I’m an instagram model now.” He chuckled uncomfortably, eyes darting around to everyone in front of him, waiting for someone to scoff.
“That’s not dumb at all! It sounds perfect for you, Tae.” Jin smiled warmly, encouragingly. “What’s everyone else doing now?”
“I’m still in school. Same major.” Jimin shrugged. “But… I’m considering after graduating… going to the police academy.”
“Woaaaaa, really? I’d love to see you as a police officer.” Jeongguk snickered. “Same here though. Well. Minus the police thing.”
“I’m glad. That’s good.” Jin smiled again, nodding slightly. “After I graduated, I got a position as a sous chef, but I got promoted recently.” His smile widened proudly.
“Did you threaten to eat them out of everything if they didn’t?” Jeongguk teased, leaning away when Jin tried to hit him.
“Quiet, brat!” Jin scolded, though grinning. He turned to face the only one who had yet to say a single word, who had just been sitting there, somewhat distant. “Namjoon?” The man in question looked up quickly, almost surprised in a way.
“Huh?”
“What have you been up to?”
“Oh. Uh, surviving, mostly.” Namjoon shrugged. “I just work at a convenience store mostly.”
“Oh… really?” Seokjin looked at him in confusion. “What happened to school?” In the corner of his eye, he noticed Hoseok tense up a bit.
“Left.”
“I see.” Jin understood the tone he spoke in and didn’t ask further.
“Really?? You always seemed to adore being in school, that’s the last thing I expected.” Jeongguk, on the other hand, missed the tone entirely.
“Not everyone had the same experiences.” Namjoon responded tursley, staring at the table. It registered to Jeongguk what he had said, his face falling slightly.
“Oh. Right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”
“It’s fine. I’m used to it.” Namjoon cut him off. Everyone looked at each other uncomfortably. No one looked at the empty chair.
“I think,” Jin started, “that we need to stop avoiding the elephant in the room.” He looked directly at the empty chair. There was a beat, then slowly, everyone looked at the empty chair.
“What do you think he’d say?” Hoseok spoke in a surprisingly quiet tone. “About so many of us dropping out?”
“You all dropped out to pursue what you actually wanted to do. I think he’d support it. Never was one for doing things traditionally.” A ghost of a smile was on Jimin’s face as he spoke. A chorus of agreement was raised from the group.
“It’s kinda weird. How it took something like that to push us to do what we actually wanted, you know?” Taehyung frowned. “I hope… wherever he is, though, he doesn’t think that he had to do it to make everything right.”
“I doubt it. Maybe at first, but, he’d realize eventually.”
“Great. Didn’t realize it soon enough apparently.” Namjoon spoke forcefully, leaning on the table.
“You, uh, said you were getting therapy.” Jimin tried to change the topic. “How is that going?”
“I didn’t want it. It’s bullshit.”
“I, uh, convinced him to give it a try.” Hoseok frowned, fidgeting awkwardly. “Joonie, are you actually giving it a try?”
“What is there to try? I told you. I don’t trust therapists. Why would someone go into a profession where your entire job is to listen to sob stories and try to tell them what to do when they have absolutely no idea what the hell it’s like.”
“That… that’s the point of talking to them. They uh, know how the mind works, so they-”
“No. They don’t. Obviously they don’t, no one does, because no one, not even me, knows why I had to walk in on my best friend laying in a pool of his own damn blood.” Namjoon’s voice rose with every word, other patrons glancing over with concern and annoyance. He seemed to realize how heated he was getting, taking a deep breath and holding his face in his hands. “I still don’t know why, what happened? He didn’t even have the courtesy to leave a note. Jerk…” His voice shook with the sound of restrained tears. “Just like him to leave me alone without so much as a goodbye.”
“Hyung.” Jimin scooted closer, gently grabbing Namjoon’s shoulder. “You aren’t alone. We’re all still here. Why do you think I texted the group to begin with?”
“Yeah.” Tae chimed in. “Obviously it affects all of us differently. But we’re all here for each other, I thought. Please don’t bottle it up. That’s… that’s what causes things like this.” Namjoon looked up at the others, eyes red and watery.
“...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. I shouldn’t avoid it, I know, just… God, I’m scared. Everyday I think I understand more and more why he would choose what he did. I don’t want to. I don’t want to end up the same way. He’d be so disappointed.”
“We’re all here to help. There’s so many people around you who want to help, professional or otherwise, but you gotta let them. That was part of his problem. He never talked. To anyone.” Taehyung stood up and moved to the otherside of Namjoon, wrapping his arm around him in a one armed hug. “You pretty much vanished after everything calmed down. Apparently, he had even stopped taking his medication, for some reason. You weren’t around to hear that.”
“This could have been prevented, then.” Namjoon stared ahead blankly. “If I had noticed.”
“Stop that right now.” Seokjin spoke up once more, stern yet gentle. “There is no merit in trying to blame yourself. He had so many people around him, we all noticed he was acting strangely, but none of us did anything. But we can’t go on trying to find ways it was all specifically on us. Perhaps we could have done something, but in the end, this was his choice Namjoon.”
“...Right.” Namjoon took a deep breath. “I know. I know logically how I feel makes no sense. I know there’s something wrong I need help with, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. That would be… admitting he’s gone.”
“Hurting yourself can’t change that, though.” Hoseok spoke. Namjoon nodded slightly.
“I never saw it that way, but I guess that’s what it is, huh?” A weak smile appeared on his face. “I almost tried to skip out on this. I’m glad I didn’t, though. Something told me it would be a bad idea to not come, guess it was right.”
“Guess that’s the universe saying you aren’t done yet.” Jeongguk smirked slightly.
“Aaa! All my children are so grown up!” Seokjin posed dramatically with a hand over his heart, the tension broken by the laughter. Conversation carried on, no longer afraid of the topic of the empty chair. It was time to come to terms with it. Min Yoongi was gone, he took his own life, and theirs would never be the same. But that didn’t mean they had to bear that alone. Even as they finished, they all made promise to not drift apart like they had been, that they’d always be there to support each other. They wouldn’t hide.