Chapter Text
Aqua sighed and took another sip of her water, privately thanking Kairi for the painkillers. She and Lea had done their best, but the hangover had been unavoidable. Thankfully everyone else had given them a day to themselves, figuring the splitting headaches were enough of a punishment. Though, she was pretty sure she’d seen Roxas and Xion outside Lea’s room, carrying a box of metal objects and smirking to themselves, as she went down to the common room.
She was thankful she had left the dormitory floor, since there was a subsequently a loud crash, audible even from floors away. Poor Lea. Well, at least she’d avoided it.
The day had been quiet, until the evening, when Yen Sid had called her and Riku to his study. Right now, she was waiting outside the room for Riku to arrive.
She remembered most of her conversation with Lea the previous night; not all of it, she didn’t think. She had some spotty memories of complaining about the time Terra had said she was “such a girl, sometimes”, and Lea advising her to be drinking more water, but everything after that was a blank. Probably for the best.
That said, she did remember talking about Riku, and how she felt about his controlled use of darkness. She sighed. That was a conversation that had to happen at some point, she supposed. Of course, she’d prefer to simply go on ignoring it, but now that she’d told Lea about it, it would probably get forced out of him by Kairi eventually. Better to deal with it herself that have Kairi try to mediate.
Riku’s arrival startled her out of her musings. “Master Yen Sid said he wanted to see us?” he asked, seeming a little uncomfortable himself.
Aqua nodded and immediately regretted it. “He’s waiting. Come on.”
They entered the study and Yen Sid looked up from what he was reading. “Ah, Master Aqua, Master Riku. Good. There is an important matter we must discuss. First, however, Master Aqua…”
“Yes, Master?” Aqua asked, although she was pretty sure she knew where this was headed.
“You are not in trouble for your… experience, the previous night, but please inform Lea that I expect the two of you to replace that bottle. The Tower will not create alcohol, you see,” Yen Sid said, a hint of a smile tugging his lips. “And though I understand you did attempt to take precautions beforehand, I will urge you to follow through with on those precautions with more conviction the next time.”
Aqua flushed. “Y-yes, Master. I apologize,” she said, ignoring Riku’s questioning look.
“Excellent,” Yen Sid. “Now, then, the matter at hand. I am sure that in the weeks you have been here, you both have noticed the… odd goings-on.”
“Odd things, Master?” Riku asked.
Yen Sid nodded. “Food disappearing, books being reorganized, objects disappearing from where they were left and reappearing elsewhere.”
Now that he mentioned it, Aqua had woken up wearing a blanket she knew she hadn’t had while drinking with Lea. She had assumed she’d merely taken it from the common room while under the influence, but perhaps…
“Honestly, sir, we just kind of assumed the Tower was… weird,” Riku admitted. “I mean, it’s enchanted, right? And I’m pretty sure it’s wider on the inside than it is on the outside.”
“That is true, Master Riku,” Yen Sid acknowledged. “But I have lived here for quite some time, and neither I nor Mickey have seen this sort of malfeasance before. It falls outside of what we know to be the Tower’s normal behaviour, and while currently, it seems benign, who can say how long that will last?”
“So, you want us to figure out what’s happening? Who’s making these changes at night?” Aqua asked.
Yen Sid nodded. “Yes. It may simply be one of the others living here, but if it were, I should think Riku would have seen them.”
Riku crossed his arms, frowning. “There was that one time I found Ven sleepwalking, but I haven’t seen him since.”
Aqua nodded. “He hasn’t done that since that night. I think it might have been the stress over… the issues we worked out that night,” she said, reddening a bit. Riku nodded as well, and she remembered that Ven had talked things over with him before coming to her.
“As that is the case, I request that the two of you discover the identity of our nighttime visitor. The wards remain strong; I do not believe it is the forces of Darkness at work, but we cannot be too cautious.” Yen Sid steepled his fingers. “I would suggest you two keep watch over the kitchen; the single common thread of these incidents is the removal of food in all of them.”
Riku smiled. “So, a stakeout. Might be fun,” he offered, turning to Aqua.
She smiled back, and it was mostly genuine. “Might be,” she agreed. And if she was looking for a time to have a talk with him, this would be it.
A couple hours later, Riku and Aqua quietly let themselves into the kitchen and shut the door behind them. Aqua sat down at the table, but Riku lingered near the door.
There was something… distant, about Aqua. It didn’t seem like there was a problem, but it felt like she was on tenderhooks around him. This might be his chance to talk to her about it, but what if he was worried over nothing?
Regardless, that wasn’t the main reason why he was hesitating.
“Uh, Aqua, if we’re going to wait for who or what ever this is, we’re going to have to turn the lights out,” he said. “And… sit here in the dark.”
Aqua started. “Oh,” she said. “I… suppose you’re right.”
He reached for the light switch, but hesitated. “Is this… going to bother you?” he asked.
Aqua blinked. “Why would that… Oh,” she said. “Um, no, no it won’t. It’s not the same.”
“Okay, that’s good,” Riku said. “Then I’ll just…” He flipped the light switch and the candle set on the table went out. He had long since stopped trying to figure out how that worked.
The darkness settled in, and so did the awkward silence. There was a little bit of light from the stars streaming in the window, enough that he could see Aqua’s silhouette if he focused enough, but they were essentially sitting in the dark.
“So…” he said, at the same time that Aqua started saying “Riku, I…”
“Sorry,” he apologized. “You were saying?”
“No, no,” she said, “You go first.”
“Oh…kay…” Riku said. “I haven’t really asked, but how have you been doing? You were really shaken up just after getting out of the Realm of Darkness. I know it’s none of my business, but–”
“No, it’s fine,” Aqua said. “I’m… doing as best I can. Believe it or not, going to Castle Oblivion was good for me. It let me work through some things I was wrong about. I’m worried about Terra, of course, but I’m making new friends. It’s been helping.” There was a tone to her voice that suggested a smile.
“I see. That’s good,” Riku said, smiling as well. “What were you going to say?”
“Oh… Uh…” Aqua trailed off. “That’s… I…”
Riku frowned. “Is something wrong, Aqua?”
“Well… that’s… not really, but… it’s…”
“If it’s hard to talk about, maybe it should wait until–”
“No!” Aqua interrupted, firmly. “I need to talk to you about this. I’m just… having a hard time figuring out how to bring it up without sounding… distrustful. Or accusing.”
“Distrustful or…?” Riku asked, and then it hit him. Oh. Oh, yeah, of course. What else would it be? Of course things weren’t fine, of course Aqua had a problem with him, of course–
He mentally slapped himself. No, that wasn’t helpful. Stop doing it. Put it down and talk to her.
“This is about me and the darkness, isn’t it?” he asked, and he could see Aqua cringe in what little light there was.
“…Yes,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, Riku. This is complicated and unfair to you and it’s something else I have to unlearn, but yes. It’s about that.”
Riku sat back and considered. “You know… you could ask,” he offered. “Talk to me about what bothers you, see if I can give you more peace of mind.”
“Really?” Aqua asked. “You don’t have any obligation to explain yourself to me. Like I said, this is a hang-up I have that I need to unlearn.”
Riku shrugged, then realized she couldn’t see him do it. “Talking about this sort of thing doesn’t bother me as much as you might think it would. It’s been a long time. And, how are you going to unlearn if you don’t have any information? Sitting alone and feeling bad for having certain feelings doesn’t get you very far. If experience has taught me anything.”
“I… you know what, we’ll get to that,” Aqua said, sounding… was that concern for him? Strange, they’d barely talked before this. “If you’re really sure you don’t mind..?”
“I don’t.”
“Then…” Aqua sighed. “I still don’t know where to start. My first instinct is to ask, ‘how?’, or ‘why?’, but I don’t think that’s…”
“Why not?” Riku asked.
“Huh?”
“Why not start with ‘how’ or ‘why’?”
Aqua turned her head towards him. “Because it’s not so much ‘how did you manage it?’ and ‘why was it necessary?’ as it is ‘how could you?’ and ‘why did you survive this and not Terra?’,” she said, dully. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that.”
“That… still doesn’t sound like a bad place to start,” Riku said. He did feel a little hurt on some level, like he’d been measured by this older, more experienced person and found wanting, but he reminded himself that Aqua was only a couple years older than he was, and had subjectively been a Keyblade Master for almost the same amount of time as he had, if not less. And even if Riku, who had agreed to take the exam only to prove to himself he deserved to have a Keyblade at all, felt out of his depth as a Master and had been much less prepared than Aqua, who had trained for it all her life, she still probably felt out of her depth and unprepared, too. She was his peer, not his superior.
He thought he saw her shake her head. “Riku… look, I’ve been told you have… problems with self-image?”
He actually chuckled at that. “Well, you’re not wrong. But I don’t see how that’s relevant?”
“…I don’t want to be making you feel bad about yourself.”
“Aqua there’s nothing you can say about me that I haven’t said about myself. And if this helps you… well, I’d consider that worth it.”
She was silent for a second. “You and Sora are a lot alike,” she said eventually.
Riku blinked. “We… we are?”
“Yes. You sure you won’t mind?”
Riku started to shake his head, then remembered. “No. And if something you say does bother me, I have Sora and Kairi, and the King. You don’t need to feel responsible for me, Aqua.”
“All right. Then let’s start with ‘how’.” She took a deep breath. “All my life, I was taught that Darkness was something to be reviled and feared. So, being told that you use it, and then seeing it for myself, it… it scared me.”
“Scared you?”
Aqua might have been nodding until she realized the obvious problem. “I was taught that Darkness was a corruption. That it had no place in the Realm of Light. That my duty as a Keybearer was to eradicate it, from the worlds and from myself. The only times I’ve seen a Keybearer use the power of Darkness were… Xehanort, Vanitas, and… Terra. Two people who tried to kill me, and the friend I lost to it. What else is Darkness, Riku, but hate and rage?”
She turned her head away from him. Riku let the silence sit for a second, contemplating how to answer.
“Darkness… is a natural state, just like Light,” he said eventually. “Darkness is a place to hide when pursued, a place to lie in wait before you strike. Darkness is the quiet at midnight when the world is asleep. Darkness is feeling the people you love beside you without needing to see them. Darkness can be quiet, it can be loud. It can be terrifying, yes, but it can also be comforting. Be a threat, but also a relief. It can be hate, yes, but it can also be an embrace. Rage, yes, but also determination. It’s different, and you’re right, too much of it doesn’t belong in the Realm of Light. But… even during the day, there are shadows. Just like how even at night, there are stars. It’s a balance.”
“I don’t know if I can believe that,” Aqua said, quietly. “Even if there’s more to it than what I was taught, it still seems incredibly dangerous. Foolhardy to try and control, and all-consuming once it gets its claws in you.” Riku could just make out the shape of her curling up in the chair, drawing her knees up to her chin. In that moment it was hard to see the Keyblade Master, and easy to see the woman, barely an adult, who had lost almost everything she’d known and loved. “Riku, I… I have nightmares sometimes. About who… what I would’ve become if I’d given up hope in the Realm of Darkness. If you and Mickey… were too late.”
“I’m… sorry,” Riku offered. It was all he could do.
He got the impression that Aqua was shaking her head. “I appreciate the sympathy. But… I don’t understand it. How are you able to use the Darkness and remain in the Light? How has it not eaten you from the inside out?”
“Aqua… everyone has darkness inside of them,” Riku said. “And I do mean everyone. Even Princesses of Heart like Kairi; it’s almost imperceptible, which is why we say they’re ‘pure’ lights, but it’s there. You have to have both; Ven regrew his, didn’t he? I remember the description of what he was like without it. You can’t just… eradicate it from yourself. And… there’s an important distinction I need to make here. There’s darkness, and then there’s Darkness.”
“I don’t understand,” Aqua said, confused.
“There’s the small-d ‘darkness’ that everyone has, that everyone has to have. And then there’s the capital-d ‘Darkness’ that comes from the Realm of Darkness and invades the Realm of Light. I’m in control of my own, personal, small-letter darkness. Not the capital-letter one. The one that Xehanort draws his power from. There’s a difference. You can’t control that Darkness, no matter how hard you try. If you do… it controls you, after a while. It’s like… swimming. You can swim on top of the water all you want, but if you try to dive, you have to hold your breath, or breathe the water. I hold my breath. Xehanort didn’t.”
“How do you know that?” Aqua asked. She seemed more curious than accusing.
“‘Darkness cannot be controlled, merely channeled.’” Riku recited from memory. “Ansem… Xehanort’s Heartless… did try to teach me some things. He insisted on that, and he was wrong. Channelling the Darkness doesn’t work. It eats away at you, like you said.”
“So… how can you use it? What’s different for you?”
“Like I said, I control my darkness. I can tell the difference between it and any other, because…” Riku paused, unsure how to explain this.
Aqua tilted her head, enough to be noticeable. “…Part of what I saw in Castle Oblivion was Kairi’s memories of her time in The World That Never Was. I know what… what happened to you.”
Riku took a deep breath. “You know part of it. Ansem wore my body like a suit for some time. It was only thanks to Sora that I got my body back, but… part of Ansem was still in there with me. Part of his darkness. After my experience in Castle Oblivion, it lost any sapience it might have had, but it still wasn’t me. I had to draw on the power of darkness to subdue Roxas, but I called on both my own, and the lingering remains of Ansem’s. His overpowered mine long enough for me to take his shape again. I thought it would be permanent.” He took another breath, and sighed. “After I became me again, the remains of his darkness were stripped out of me. After that, the only darkness in me was my own. So… I learned it. I got to know it. I made sure I understood its shape, its ways and its wiles. So I can recognize what’s ‘me’ and what’s ‘not me’. And that’s the big secret. That’s how I can use the darkness – my darkness. I can control it, because I recognize it as part of me. It’s as much me as my arm is, and fighting it makes about as much sense as fighting my arm would. And because of that… because of that, I can recognize darkness that isn’t mine. So I can’t be controlled like that ever again.”
“That… makes sense to me, actually,” Aqua said. “And that answers my other question.”
“It does?”
There was silence for a second until Aqua blurted out “Right, right, you can’t see me nodding, sorry.”
Riku suppressed a laugh. “You were saying?”
“That answers why you and not Terra. Terra… was raised the same way I was. So… everything you did, everything you tried, every conclusion you’ve come to… he would never have thought to try any of that. Neither would I have, or Ven.” She sighed, and leaned back. “But at the same time… it gives me hope.”
“Hope?” Riku asked, surprised.
“If you can learn how to live with your darkness, then… then maybe Terra can learn to live with his, once we get him back. Maybe… you could teach him? If he wants to, of course.”
Riku started. “W-what? Me, teach Terra? I… I can’t, I… I’m just…”
“A Keyblade Master,” Aqua said, amusement in her voice. “That’s not a title that gets given out lightly, Riku. Even if you have trouble believing in yourself, you wouldn’t have passed the exam if you hadn’t shown the Mark of Mastery enough to satisfy Master Yen Sid. You earned it. You wouldn’t have it otherwise.”
Riku was silent. “It would be weird,” he said finally. “Terra was the person who gave me the Keyblade. I should be learning from him, not… not the other way around.”
“We all learn from each other,” Aqua said, warmly. “And Riku?”
“Yes, Aqua?”
“For what it’s worth… I think Terra made the right decision, in choosing you.”
“I… I… You… Thank you,” Riku stuttered, and Aqua laughed.
They settled in to a more comfortable silence. The minutes stretched into hours, and eventually both of them stilled, their quiet breathing only noticeable if you knew to listen for it.
The door creaked open.
Neither of them stiffened or made any move in reaction, knowing they’d only have one shot at this. The person who entered the room looked around, but didn’t spot them. Riku couldn’t sniff the air to see who it was; any change in their breathing patterns could alert the person to their presence.
The person ghosted over to the cabinets, carefully lifting out a box of cereal, completely silent. Riku and Aqua caught each other’s eye.
In the blink of an eye, Riku lunged across the room and grabbed the person. They were surprisingly strong, and it was all Riku could do just to hold them still. “Aqua!” he shouted.
“Ready!”
He turned, and twisted, and shoved the person into one of the pulled-out chairs. Behind him, Aqua had drawn her Keyblade, and summoned golden chains, which wrapped themselves around the person and held them fast.
The room quieted, save only for the grunting sounds of the person struggling against their bonds. Riku and Aqua were both panting from the exertion, as Riku flicked the light switch back on to reveal –
“Ven?!” Aqua gasped.
Still struggling against the chains, Ven looked up at them, entirely confused. “A-Aqua?” he asked. “W-What is this? What are you doing?”
“I thought you said you hadn’t seen him?” Aqua asked Riku, who shrugged.
“I haven’t. Maybe he was avoiding me?”
“Aqua, what’s going on?” Ven demanded. “Why did you tie me up? Are… did something happen?”
“Oh, Ven, I’m sorry, Master Yen Sid told us to find out who was moving things around after dark. We didn’t realize it was you!” Aqua said, squatting down in front of him.
Something about this didn’t seem to add up to Riku. How could Ven have been avoiding him if he was sleepwalking? Almost unconsciously, he took a sniff.
…Wait.
“Aqua,” he said, gripping her arm. “Something’s wrong.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” Aqua asked. “I was just going to untie him–”
“Don’t.”
“What?” Aqua and Ven both said.
“He doesn’t… ugh, this is going to sound weird,” Riku said. “He doesn’t smell right.”
“Doesn’t smell right,” Aqua repeated, frowning.
“Yeah… My sense of smell is… uh… it’s a… darkness thing,” Riku said, embarrassed.
“I see,” Aqua said, frowning.
“I don’t!” Ven insisted. “Come on, Aqua, let me go!”
“What would that… mean?” Aqua asked Riku, confused.
“Well… It could mean that this isn’t actually Ven,” Riku said, equally confused.
“You mean he’s Roxas?”
“No, he doesn’t smell like Roxas either,” Riku said.
“What are you talking about?!” Ven wailed. “Aqua, it’s me, it’s Ventus!” He pouted. “You… you really are awful, Aqua!”
Aqua froze. “Ven… I…”
But something was wrong.
As Ven spoke, Riku noticed a flickering.
A very familiar flickering.
“Aqua, get away from him!” he ordered, summoning his Keyblade.
“What?”
“He’s not Ventus!” he said firmly. “I don’t know how, but that’s not Ven!”
The person sitting in the chair froze. Slowly, a wide smile spread across his face, and he threw his head back and laughed.
It was a high pitched laugh, a strained laugh, a laugh that hadn’t seen the light of day often at all.
To Aqua, it was a familiar laugh.
“Finally!” The person said. “I almost had you fooled! Wow, Aqua, do you not even know your own friend?” He looked at Riku. “Correct. I am not Ventus.”
“That’s impossible,” Aqua whispered. “You’re dead.”
“Aqua, do you know who this is?” Riku asked, lost.
Aqua lifted her Keyblade and placed the tip against the person’s throat. “I killed you,” she hissed. “I swear I killed you!”
The first two words the person spoke were said in the soft tones of someone reassuring a lover. The second two words were harsh, grating, accusatory; dripping with venom and unfiltered hatred.
“Oh, Aqua,” said Vanitas. “You DID.”